The Two AM Club: "Collecting Stories: A Discussioncast on Embracing Diverse Approaches to Raising Children Around the World.

Thriving, striving and surviving: Balancing Hormones and Harmony in Family Life

• Moeava and Svenja

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The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of high hormones, heated arguments, and moments of peace since Munanui’s birth. We’re dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of hormonal changes and our stubbornness, trying to balance planning with spontaneity and manage minor disagreements.

In this episode, we discuss how to maintain a strong relationship amidst the challenges of parenthood, including adapting to a new city without a support system. We talk about our activities like swimming and thermal spas, and strategies for self-care. We also compare our small city life in Germany with our previous bigger urban adventures in cities like Beijing and Tokyo, exploring how different environments impact our parenting and connections.

Tune in for heartfelt reflections and practical insights on navigating the ups and downs of parenting and partnership.
In this episode, we dive into the contrasts of living in a smaller German city compared to our past adventures in bustling urban centers like Beijing, Tokyo, and Dubai. We reflect on the unique joys and quirks of small-city life, from forest festivals and wild park visits to the amusing challenge of dealing with the sudden influx of insects that seem to arrive with every season. While the pace of life here is slower, it offers a refreshing connection to nature, and we share how we’ve been rediscovering some of the simpler pleasures of outdoor activities.

Parenting in a new environment without a strong support system presents its own set of emotional challenges, especially when hormonal changes come into play. We open up about how these shifts have impacted us, leading to mood swings, emotional turbulence, and sometimes, moments of isolation. Revisiting childhood memories and enjoying the local swimming pools and thermal spas have been our way of grounding ourselves, but we also discuss the importance of seeking medical advice and finding the right balance between self-care and parenting duties.

Our relationship has seen its share of ups and downs, and stubbornness is one of the key reasons our arguments tend to flare up. Whether it's small disagreements that escalate or deeper issues that take time to resolve, we explore how navigating these moments while juggling parenting responsibilities can be challenging. Through it all, we share the steps we've taken to improve communication and reduce conflict, with a focus on mutual understanding and patience.

In this episode, we aim to connect with listeners who might be facing similar struggles, highlighting that even though our environments may differ, the emotional and personal challenges of parenting and relationships are universal.

Moeava:

Hello and welcome to our podcast weekend. Yeah, they also said that last week, but my honey bunny is waiting for it to cool down because we actually had quite a hot day and one second. I'm just. You have a bruise on your arm and it's really big.

Svenja:

It's from the blood test.

Moeava:

Oh my god okay.

Svenja:

That's the one the doctor did. You can't see it now, but that's at least that's the one the doctor did.

Moeava:

Wow, that's at least. That's the one that the nurse did, that's the one the doctor did.

Svenja:

Wow, that's at least 10 centimeters long. It's not 10 centimeters Slight over-exaggeration. You know they say that the man always over-exaggerates, but I tend to think between us, you actually over-exaggerate a little bit more than I do, really.

Moeava:

Yeah, like the wasp yeah, I'm not a big fan of wasp. I have to say I've been struggling with that in the german summer anyways, uh no, it's been pretty good.

Svenja:

Hold on one second. I actually forgot to turn these little guys off. I'm still getting back to used to doing the podcast because we haven't done it for a while yeah so there's some little hiccups here and there that I kind of have to get back, so apparently last summer weekend in Germany. So I was like let's take the podcast equipment outside and film it from our beautiful house and do it from.

Moeava:

Amazing yeah, with the 300-year-old house in the back.

Svenja:

Exactly we had a beautiful breakfast this morning. Muna Nui is in his nap. We've had, yeah, when I knew he's taking a nap and in his nap. That was also such wrong english like that was also wrong, but well, he's having his nap taking a nap exactly.

Moeava:

We were supposed to do the podcast tomorrow, but uh, because we were supposed to go to the wild park today uh, yeah, we're supposed to go to the forest because there's going to be a forest festival, but I misread the dates, so that's happening tomorrow, not today, so we moved the podcast to today.

Svenja:

But it's been some hectic two weeks. It's been up and down. Right we had our little. Last week was a rough week for us.

Moeava:

Yeah, I think let's talk a little bit about our summer in Germany.

Svenja:

What else to say, apart from the fact that the weather has been amazing. It's like fresh blue air. It's hot, yeah, but we can go swim in the rivers. The river water is really nice and cool and the beer is cold. The food is really nice and cool and the beer is cold. The food is good and I really can't say anything else apart from, it's been perfect. Perfect summer, german. Just a little bit too long now. Now I'm a little bit like okay.

Moeava:

Now we're kind of done. Right Now I want autumn to come. Yes, same. I explained to Munanui today what is autumn and that the leaves are going to turn and they will fall and it will be slippery on the roads.

Svenja:

And then Halloween will be there. That's when Mama and Papa met Exactly.

Moeava:

So yeah, I think, but yeah all in all I think beautiful summer it was a summer of wasps and mosquitoes. Summer of wasps yeah, actually, lots of animals. Yeah, I mean, as funny as it sounds, but I mean, in these mega cities you simply don't have so many insects.

Svenja:

Yeah.

Moeava:

So I mean while we lived in Beijing or Tokyo or Hong Kong, I mean sorry, but there were no wasps. Actually there is no wasps. Are there actually wasps there? I have no idea.

Svenja:

I no wasps. Are they? Are they actually wasps there?

Moeava:

I have no idea I don't remember. Even flies are everywhere, but even flies I mean mosquitoes we had in dubai.

Svenja:

We had mosquitoes in dubai yeah, that's true.

Moeava:

I remember mosquitoes, but also no wasps in dubai, I mean also no bees I mean, I have no idea where they're out myself, but I have no idea where these animals are in those countries or whether they are there no spiders also I unless we went to the countryside. So, yeah, we have a lot more of those here, but I loved our summer.

Svenja:

It was really nice. We went to Carcassonne, south of France, with Mama Nobi. We also had a little bit of a rough time there.

Moeava:

Yes, family not always easy also.

Svenja:

Exactly. I mean, you have your baby baby, but you also have your older parents and ourselves, as you know, growing and old, aging adults yeah with new ways, and so it's been a little bit bumpy, but I think last week was the bumpiest. But all in all, german summer our first german summer moving back here was pretty beautiful.

Moeava:

Yeah, it's been amazing. I mean we have lots of sun, lots of activities. I mean there's so many things to do. I feel we're constantly busy. There's always something happening. You have the firefighters that arrange their summer fest. Tomorrow is the forest fest.

Svenja:

And there was the beer festival and there was the wild schwein every single weekend. We actually had to choose some weekends not to do anything yeah, it was pretty busy.

Moeava:

Then munanui got to know his cousin and my brother and his wife were here, which was super cute, and he's actually still speaking about his cousin, who's around about a year younger than him, and, yeah, I think it was very exciting and, yeah, just a lot to do, a lot, a lot to do yeah, it was a very outdoorsy. I feel we spent. You know, I even got a 10 and I mean I'm very difficult.

Moeava:

That's a 10 yeah, okay, not comparable with you, but without actually lying on a beach or sunbathing. I actually got a tan because we spent so much time outside and it's been also nice.

Svenja:

I know you still find it weird, but that the sun is up for so long in the evenings you kind of I I actually enjoy more now yeah, yeah, because I sit outside and I read and I have my cigar, when, when ianui is down and you still have to do a little bit of work here and there, but actually I kind of enjoy it more now. I guess my body got used to the whole time thing. It's just the heat was quite….

Moeava:

Yeah, I mean, some days it really gets hot, and also then inside, you know, once it doesn't cool down in the evening, um the the apartments heat up and people are quite suffering and then the thing is okay, we have a.

Svenja:

I mean, we're lucky enough that we have an air condition in our bedroom, but the house is not air conditioned right, and most of germany isn't, even though it's coming more and more yeah, um but uh, I mean, at night time we can take the turn the air con and then we can actually sleep. But yeah, during the day it's hotter inside than outside most of the time.

Moeava:

Yeah, exactly. I mean, the nice thing is that you can go to the swimming pool and the river and stuff the Fotomare. Yeah, it's so cute.

Svenja:

We've been going to this outdoor public. I mean, yeah, it's public, right. Which one, the swimming pool, the futama, is public. Right I have no idea.

Moeava:

Anyways, I don't think so but probably outdoor, indoor outdoor thermal spa, swimming pool, the water is it's. It's cold, like ice cold, but with the extreme heat it's really nice and you know we're doing these things that I remember from my childhood and this is super nice. Yeah, like I remember going to the swimming pool in summer and of course, it's way too crowded and so many kids running and screaming and you know, um, you don't know how many of them pee, pee in the swimming pool.

Svenja:

I don't even think about that, like who even thinks about how many kids peed in the? Don't think about it. That's like eating a hot dog in the US you don't ask where it comes from or eating meat in China. Just eat it? Yeah, I think, because for sure I peed in there.

Moeava:

That's nasty. Well, I try not to.

Svenja:

You try not to, but you've done it, you see.

Moeava:

No, no, actually I haven't, but you've done it. You see, no, no, actually I haven't. Um, but yeah, no, it's, it's, it's, yeah, it's just been super nice to also have those memories back, coming back up and showing this to moon and we, and showing it a bit of a different side.

Svenja:

Yeah, but because that's something you don't have in dubai, right that's something in. Even in china there wasn't that I mean we didn't have a baby in china, but I'm just trying to remember. Mean we didn't have a baby in China, but I'm just trying to remember, right, you just don't have these things in these.

Moeava:

I would say in general here yeah, you just can spend so much time outside, which I think Asia in general is not that outdoorsy.

Svenja:

I don't know Right the live, the coffee places, I mean North Asia, if you're like Thailand. Vietnam yeah, true. The coffee places, I mean north asia, if you're like thailand. Vietnam yeah, true, it's different.

Moeava:

It's different, yeah, I agree. So, yeah, but that's been super nice. But, yeah, like you say, I think last week was pretty bumpy for us. We're getting into quite some fights, so I think, as smooth as our arrival was in terms of, you know, finding nursery, doctors, friends, neighbors, etc. That's been really so wonderful and just an amazing experience. But I think we are still figuring us out right now. I think for us, the dynamic changed, or at least for me it changed. I think for you as well, no, because things are different now. We, yeah, we we don't have support. It's us and me working quite a bit and, uh, yeah, it's the balancing act, exactly.

Svenja:

Yeah, I guess it is. Uh, it's just, you know, all right, we're settled down in the house, we're settled down in the city. Now it's kind of the settling down of the final dust which is us right now. We finally signed up at the gym yeah, which been great.

Moeava:

So yeah, I think maybe I can tell a little bit about my gynecologist visit. I actually wanted to share so because I have had, since birth of Munanui, a lot more mood swings, I can feel.

Svenja:

No, not a lot more Stronger mood swings yeah, stronger.

Moeava:

And I feel even my body reacts to the period, like, for example, now I can feel, before my period starts, my boobs hurt. I never had that before.

Svenja:

It's simply really something my ears hurt.

Moeava:

No, I mean, it's a physical change that I can feel. But I can not only feel that because, honestly, that's fine, I can take it. But what is more difficult for me is really the mood swings, and I can feel that they are.

Moeava:

You know, I have these strong feelings that I cannot control, and that's been really it's been going on for a while and I've been seeing the gynecologist, even already in Dubai, which, yeah, then now I've been seeing one here in Nuremberg and actually she was great, she took her time. I was speaking to her for a long, long time and she explained me so many things and, yeah, that with age there's a lot of things happening in the female body. The hormones change and that's not just related to menopause. That doesn't mean your menopause is starting, but it's just, yeah, as we are getting older, our bodies are changing and with that also hormones are changing and that can lead to becoming more fearful. So you always complain, right, I'm so scared of wasps, so, yes, that's unreasonable. But to be fair, I remember I had that as a kid, as a kid already, and my dad always he thought I was, I mean I mean.

Svenja:

I mean, it's not only the wasp right, it's uh, it's uh, it's like the the insurances right, insurancing everything and you know it's you talk about. We went to the fire department thingy but they had a controlled fire and you got a. You were scared when you saw the fire that was controlled by firemen in the fire station yeah, because it was just a sudden loud noise and I just got a and then yeah.

Moeava:

So, and the interesting thing is, mo gets annoyed by those things.

Svenja:

Yeah, because he doesn't feel it because your reactions are really very strong.

Moeava:

Yeah, well, that was always also me, right.

Svenja:

No but no, and that's where I tend to. This was never. It was never like that before. That's why we had the discussion before where I said you're especially during that time where your emotions are stronger, right. I don't think it happens more often, it just it's stronger right and it's uh, and that was never. Yeah, you had the, the fears of some things, but we also drove in china, but with a motorcycle, with no driver's license, no helmet, I mean, and you were not afraid yeah and no insurance yeah, but that is honestly not really something that bothers me.

Moeava:

I mean, that for me is okay. I mean, being afraid of wasp, I just accept it, I'm just afraid whatever. I mean I don't think it's good to show that to moonanui, but also for me. But but yeah, I'm not perfect, because now that's the crazy thing. Yes, I don't think it's good to show that to Munanui, but also that's for me the but yeah, I'm not perfect, because now that's the crazy thing right, yes.

Svenja:

I don't want to deviate from the initial discussion, but the fact is now Munanui in one time where he saw Mama actually screaming and running away from the wasp, he does exactly the same thing.

Moeava:

No, I mean he's not as bad as me, but definitely he actually learns and today, what did he say? No, no, he said Böse Vesper, bad wasp, I'm like.

Svenja:

Böse, I don't know, definitely didn't hear it from me. I never used that word and he used it in the correct way he used it correctly.

Moeava:

He said Böse Vesper. It was ridiculous. And I told him okay, it's not a bad wasp, it's just a wasp, and that's what they do. But yes, it was funny, böse Vesper.

Svenja:

No, but he also said Angst.

Moeava:

Yeah, he also said which is like scared right. Angst means to be scared. It's fear To be scared right.

Svenja:

I mean, that's what he said today when he was looking at the wasp and the spider.

Moeava:

Yeah, no, actually at the spider.

Svenja:

Yeah, he said angst, yeah, yeah, I mean he doesn't want to sleep with his window open because he's afraid the spider is going to come inside.

Moeava:

But this really doesn't come from me. I believe that one time the window was open and actually he saw the spider coming in.

Svenja:

He saw the spider coming in. I mean, it's not like the spider from the Lord of the Rings yeah, it's these little tiny spiders. Anyways.

Moeava:

I mean it's true they copy. No, and I'm aware and I really also don't want him to be scared.

Svenja:

I mean, today was cute when you were running away from the wasp but you made it look like you were playing foosball at the same time. I found that I was like, okay, she's running, but she's also making it as if it wasn't the wasp that was making her afraid, which I found pretty cute. But anyways, back to the initial it's. It's for me, at least for me, I. I don't remember it ever being that strong that you had your, your strong convictions of you know like, of certain things you wanted done a certain way. That was, yes, you always had that. But when it comes to when you do get your period, I find that that week especially, there's like one weekend where we get fights, always on that weekend.

Moeava:

Right, you have to be honest yes, it's true and it's always that week, and then it's really like yeah, yeah, yeah, and I get annoyed by so many things, and I think that's where this balance topic comes into play, where I feel that I'm doing so much more and I'm doing everything and I just feel overwhelmed easily overwhelmed and feeling, feel this, it's like unfair, everything is unfair and then you take these, these vitamins, these supplements, and nothing works right. It just seems so so like nothing is working, at least to me.

Svenja:

Sp me. She's like I'm gonna, I just found this new thing and it's this and that. It was like hopefully, inshallah, this time it works.

Moeava:

I think that would be a bit too close maybe it's because I I hear my.

Moeava:

My hearing is going little by little yeah I mean lucky man man, so I'm looking forward to the day I become deaf no, but um, now jokes, all jokes aside, one thing that the gynecologist told me. She asked me oh, before giving birth, did you do a lot of sports? And that was the case, and uh, it's like, do you do any now? It's like no, so I haven't found a sport routine after giving birth and of course, now that's even harder. Um, he being here and yeah, I mean my day is full. Yeah, and.

Moeava:

I mean, I'm working a lot and I have a small kid, I have a husband.

Svenja:

I mean there's laundry. This week was your lazy.

Moeava:

No, laundry is mine now yeah, exactly, I actually insourced it and now I just I told Svenja I was.

Svenja:

I told Svenja. I was like all right, we got into this fight, like, oh, I feel like I'm doing everything, I'm doing this, doing that, and then, but you're not doing that and I would like you to do that. I'm like, okay, but if you don't tell me, it goes back to the original, when we first started dating, where I told Svenja I was like I am not a mind reader. You need to tell me what you want. I cannot pluck out of your mind what you need and what you want. Of course I can figure out by your face oh she's angry, oh she's happy, oh she's she loves me. Oh, this and that, oh she hates me really a lot right now. But uh, right, it kind of.

Svenja:

It kind of went into that circle yeah and so now you just made me a list and she tells me oh yeah, on on the list, I like this. I was like, hey, hey, you got the main list and then you got your daily chores. It's a two different lists. You know, you can't just like.

Moeava:

Yeah, but I mean coming back right that my day is very full. So including a routine to do sports is not easy and it really it's possible. Nothing is impossible and it's not. We don't have time. That it means we don't take time but it's about priority prioritizing right, and for me, munanui simply has a higher priority. So when I'm not working, usually I spend time with him or with you, um, but yeah, sport is kind of has higher priority than me. Just because I mentioned him before doesn't mean that he has a higher priority.

Svenja:

In case I would have said it, you would have said something. I just wanted to point that out, that's true. That's what she hated. She's like God damn it. Now he can point that out.

Moeava:

But yeah, and then I was like okay, sorry, coming back the gynecologist, they're mentioning sport is so important because it will balance also the hormones. And she said doing three times a week an hour sport and like real sport, like something where you sweat and you feel exhausted.

Svenja:

Not like yoga.

Moeava:

Yeah, that's so unfair, but anyways, oh my God, I don't even know where to start, and I know he does it just to tease me, but yeah.

Svenja:

So he, that's quite a beautiful smile right there, yeah.

Moeava:

So it's yeah. So she said it works like an antidepressant. So she said, especially if you had this big change with giving birth and you did a lot of sport before, just go back at it. And that's where I said, okay, I, I have to prioritize that, yeah, because this will help me to balance my hormones and, um, yeah, hopefully get a bit out of those mood swings. And that's what we did.

Svenja:

We started signed up last week.

Moeava:

Last week we signed up with the gym I went two times the week before that.

Svenja:

No, no, no, two weeks now. This is our second week now, because this week I went four days.

Moeava:

Exactly so. Last week you went two times, I went two days, and this week you went four times.

Svenja:

I couldn't go on Monday. I went two times last week and two times this year, and we stayed at home one more day.

Moeava:

Yeah, I think he was sick.

Svenja:

Yeah, he was sick. Also, he was sick.

Moeava:

And I actually had my period and didn't feel well, I had a migraine, so I only went twice. But yeah, I think now. Of course you won't feel change right away.

Svenja:

Yeah.

Moeava:

We have to give a time. We'll let you know whether it worked, but I'm hopeful.

Svenja:

One day you'll just do a podcast alone. It's like, well, it didn't work. Husband ran away. It's not funny actually I think it's hilarious because it's never going to happen. But I just imagine you going on the microphone well, that didn't work. Yeah, it's not easy, it's really not easy, but I love the fact that after it happens you're conscious of it, Like now you're talking about it, but on the moment sometimes it's almost like this blind rage.

Moeava:

Yeah, it's not rage. I mean, it's also you bring me because for you it is so difficult to accept that this is the state.

Svenja:

No, it's not difficult for me to accept.

Moeava:

It's difficult for you to accept that, I'm gonna say the thing is most he will do things to make me even. No, I don't do things to make you angry.

Svenja:

I just don't say, yes, my love, that's the thing I just don't why yeah, because that's not who I am. I never was right. This was not the relationship we started off with. I'm not the, the husband that is going to be like happy wife, happy life. No, I like I also love the challenge. Right, we're both. We're both a little bit like the goat, you know that's hanging behind us. Yeah, we both like to. We're very head strong and you know we have our ways, but that's also the strength we have, right yeah yeah, and I just, I just don't bend the knee that easy and that creates conflict.

Moeava:

Yeah, but I remember also you bringing up the topic that you feel you are always the one that needs to change and I think that is also a balanced topic, right, because I mean for you now, when we compare the life with dubai, now there's changes, yeah of course, huge changes huge changes. I mean, in dubai we had our night angel. We had Arlene. She was cleaning. The only thing you were doing in the household was cooking and, yeah, now it's cleaning. It's difficult to find time for yourself as well.

Svenja:

For me it's fine because as long as Muna Nui is going to the Qaeda, I do find some time Like now now. I can go to the gym. I can go to the gym, you know, after we drop him off at school and I have my sauna and I have my meditation time. So that's really fine, right? And the thing is also I mean we had this discussion where you're like I want you to do it like I would do it like you need to have a plan and I'm like no, I didn't say like I would do it.

Moeava:

I just told you you're like you need to think ahead and make a plan. Yeah, you need that's just that's how you would do it, yeah and I was like well, when was that ever me?

Svenja:

when did I ever make a plan? When was I ever like? You know, I think the only planning I have is a shopping list for the week of what needs to be done for food, and sometimes this drives me crazy and that is the funny thing?

Svenja:

like yeah but you knew me as that right like I haven't changed in that way and that is also the beauty of our balance. Right is that we're two different people that have different ways of doing, and don't you always say that? That study that says it's really good that some kids, that kids, have two parenting types yeah, not just the same yes, yeah and on those days you're like no, I just want it one way and it needs to be mine but it's not really parenting right, it's no, it's everything that goes around it yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know I mean none of these problems have anything to do with munanui no

Svenja:

at the end of the day, he's. What most parents fight about is nothing to do with the kid right. It's more on how the the, the job, because it is a job. I mean, that was what we were talking about in the one of our first podcasts, I think, where we're two ceos and our job is raising our child right, and then we're even more stubborn and it becomes even more difficult. All right, but imagine if I said yes to everything all the time. You would also hate that, wouldn't you? Or would like that. I would go against my nature. I can't do that.

Moeava:

No, no, this is not the point. I think, yeah, afterwards it's always so much easier to look at, but it's these small things that sometimes just really make me explode. And yeah, it's like my.

Svenja:

Schmetterling brain this was one of the things you brought up during the fight was the.

Moeava:

I love it. I think it's more you know in general, and that's just where you, we are different, and I think it's also okay yeah, exactly, I just saw the butterfly as you talked about the butterfly that's me.

Svenja:

I don't know where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do. Let's see what's going to happen.

Moeava:

No, like, for example, right when it's about the morning and I know like we need to, we need to plan food. And the reason why we have to plan food is when you get hungry. You get hangry and sometimes, yeah, and for you. Then you, you know, when I ask her what's going to be for lunch and then there's no answer because you didn't even think about it yet.

Svenja:

Right, because you will think about it, but now with the gym, because I know how much I need to eat and I need to plan it.

Moeava:

It's a lot different right now, yeah yeah, but I think that you know, this is just these little things and they're completely irrelevant because at the end of the day, when we're hungry, we'll find something to eat.

Svenja:

Yeah but a little butterfly. There's gonna be a flower somewhere that he can go and take no, very cute don't need to plan your your way, just need to know where you're going. I I said two different cultures. I mean, this is the, the, the yeah, and I just like the plan yeah, and I just don't like the plan. Because, I know you plan enough for 20 people.

Moeava:

You make me sound like.

Svenja:

Like a German.

Moeava:

Which I am.

Svenja:

I know, that's my point. I was socialized in this country, I know. But Germans love their planning.

Moeava:

Yes, yes, yes.

Svenja:

That's true.

Moeava:

I don't know, that's just you.

Svenja:

I'm just an islander from California and I'm very different. I'm more laid back and chill and I know I will need to eat when what. I will figure it out on the way there.

Moeava:

Yeah, let's see, I don't know. I also have to find out what's the cause, right, like what's the cause of those feelings when, what's the situation you know to, really, because honestly now I don't even remember how the fight started. See blind rage, do you remember?

Svenja:

no, I also don't want to remember. I yeah, it's also.

Moeava:

It's also not in my't want to remember yeah, it's also, it's also not in my brain type to remember all of these things, yeah, but you also do more now, I feel.

Svenja:

Yeah, because I remember, because actually what happens?

Moeava:

Come to me.

Svenja:

What happens actually is I don't remember it, but in certain moments it does come back, but I don't actively try to remember it. I think it just pops back up when you bring let's put it this way you talk about something, or you bring something up and then my brain goes oh shit, I remember this connection where you said something that time. And then I will bring it up, but I won't actively think about it.

Moeava:

Okay.

Svenja:

Yeah, because it's also on my bigger spectrum of what there is in life and the day is not to think about. Oh, our fight from last time right?

Moeava:

No, we shouldn't, because we really don't want to crumple the paper.

Svenja:

I mean for sure it was some bullshit. Yeah, a lot of times it's really something irrelevant. It's always bullshit anyways at the end of the day, yeah, not so easy. But it is also, and it's just the way it is. Yeah, at the end, we just have to make it work and we have to talk about it oh my god, she's so cute.

Moeava:

Hello, it's a yellow, yellow butterfly no, she's a little white butterfly white, but she has dots on it, no yeah yeah. So yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna figure it out and learn how to handle this. I have to learn, I don't know. That's the thing, because in those moments I also, I even know in those moments that You're wrong. No, obviously, I'm never wrong.

Svenja:

Man, my jokes are on fire today. Oh my God.

Moeava:

No, it's not that. Yeah, I don't know. I know that I'm. It's the hormones, the hormones, unreasonable.

Svenja:

You want to use the word unreasonable.

Moeava:

The hormones triggering.

Svenja:

See how he's pushing my buttons, no, I just. Anyway, I think that's the word you're looking for. I know there's Unreasonable.

Moeava:

Putting words in my mouth. No, not unreasonable. I know the feeling that I have that is so strong and I believe in it. I mean, this feeling is truly there, but I know that the trigger is because of the hormones and the period situation. But I cannot undo that feeling and I also have to let it out.

Svenja:

Yeah, so it's not. I don't have the feeling in this time it's unreasonable.

Moeava:

I, because I use the word no, I don't I, but I.

Svenja:

I clearly said you know the reason, but you find it, but you also know it's unreasonable.

Moeava:

No, no, and this is the point I, it's not about being unreasonable. I know that the very strong feeling that I have like being treated unfairly. That that's there. This strong feeling is there, and I know the reason is because I am in a certain part of my cycle but I cannot undo so that's unreasonable.

Svenja:

I cannot undo that feeling, so you use unreasonable. But you don't want to put them together. This is unbelievable this guy Unbelievable Well okay, yeah, but you love me, of course I do, and I love you and at the end, that's the most important. There was one thing what did you say this weekend that you felt that it was me versus you or you versus me.

Moeava:

You have the feeling it's you versus me. No, I didn't have the feeling. You always say it.

Svenja:

No, you brought that up this weekend and I said honey bunny, the most important thing that comes out of this whole fight is that you understand. It's not me versus you and it's not you versus me. It's us together. I think that was in terms of it was in terms of the timing right and the fairness, because you timed how much time you were with moon and like, yeah, and like yesterday I was one hour and 35 minutes with moon and it was like that's a reason no, because yeah.

Moeava:

So ah, okay, and now things come back like oh, dangerous territory um, we talked about the time. No, not the time. What was it? Sorry, now it's all right anyway it was unreasonable.

Svenja:

No, the different realities remember the different reality. Yeah, but that's my schmetterling brain. I live in one reality.

Moeava:

It's when he lives in, you know when sometimes there's things that, yeah, it's like, oh cool, you're going to the gym and you're like, yeah, I went three times last time and I'm like, no, it was two, and then for me somehow it's a very important that it's two and not three for more well, he just, you know, yeah, and then afterwards, I said, and then I said huh, but no, it was three.

Svenja:

And then I said I went oh yeah, and then I said huh, but no, it was three. And then I said I went oh yeah, and then I said oh yeah, it was two. But that's my point. Like, is it really that? Like it's also unreasonable, it doesn't matter at the end.

Moeava:

Yeah, but in this moment it matters for me.

Svenja:

In that moment exactly.

Moeava:

Yeah, but there also, that's your stubbornness. Rather than ah true, ah, you're right I know I actually times.

Svenja:

No, I know the first thing you're like.

Moeava:

No, I went three times. I was like yeah, because I fervently believed in my world, that I went three yeah and your stubbornness is to continue telling me that it was no, because I know I was right and for me it's a bit like you also right that you also like that give me credit when credit is due, but not for.

Svenja:

Not for that why not?

Moeava:

well, well, why do you decide the situations, when for me, in this situation, that it was important, and that's it like it was, and for me it wasn't, and then that's where and I think actually that's where the fight actually stemmed out exactly it was actually that I think it was, that. I don't think it was that topic. It sounds so stupid, but there's because they are stupid.

Svenja:

The fights we start is really exactly, but I think for Exactly.

Moeava:

But I think, for me, this feeling, hey, you know, when I'm right, I'm right, or when you say like….

Svenja:

Yeah, but I really believe that I went three times. I know, but it wasn't true, so this week I went four. Right, it's a bit like talking to someone that believes the earth is not a ball.

Moeava:

Yeah, sorry, yeah, okay, you believe that, but it's wrong, scientifically proven.

Svenja:

Yeah, but now you're comparing that to me saying that with Exactly. And I understand. As a purist, I totally 100%.

Moeava:

And this is always my point, because the purest of sense and you love.

Svenja:

Purist, not purist Purist.

Moeava:

Purist of senses. It's exactly the same. And that's where you make no sense, and that's where you make no sense, and that's also what and I just said right now, Let me finish.

Svenja:

I just said right now yes, I understand that.

Moeava:

But then there's also, like you know, yeah, but you will, then in the moment it depends on how big the fly is to fuck, you know. Yeah, but well, you know, but yes, in that moment, you can also just agree and say all right In that moment I understand.

Svenja:

for you it's important and I mean, for me it's not. He's sleeping, Don't worry.

Moeava:

Okay, just checking the camera.

Svenja:

It's fine. Maybe monitor is here.

Moeava:

Yeah, Is it working?

Svenja:

It's working Okay perfect Better, otherwise I send it back to Amazon. No, but I mean, at the end, that was the most important thing of the fight, right was that. You understand, it's not me versus you and it's not you versus me, it's us versus the world and we're the team, right, that's the way it is, and we can't have it break from within, because then it doesn't function. And I think the really important part is that we do communicate with each other quite openly, and I mean that is also our stubbornness and our authenticity of ourselves, and that's why sometimes we get into these bigger fights is because, well, we don't, you know, we don't shy from confrontation, from confrontation, and we definitely don't try to um, try not to talk about things that are hurtful or that can cause problems.

Moeava:

Right, yeah, we'll go right in and it'd create conflicts.

Svenja:

I mean you gotta be. I mean there's there's a beautiful part of it and there's also an ugly part of it. Right to be open and to be honest is beautiful, but it also, you know it creates problems. But that's also the way we are, the way we are. It was like I wanted to put the words were and are together and it was were. But yeah, but this week week, beautiful week after the, after your hormones balanced.

Moeava:

There's a bit of a electricity noise. Maybe, baby, do you want to put the baby monitor? It's the infrared from the baby monitor yeah, it's okay, it's over there, okay, yeah, so so yeah, that was, that was the biggest.

Svenja:

That was the biggest thing. Yeah, noise from outside that's what happens when you have a, when you do a podcast in public. Um, so, but, yeah, that was the biggest thing, right yeah, that was.

Moeava:

That was a tough one, but well, you know, at the end.

Svenja:

I mean it's been, it's been a tough one right.

Moeava:

It's the cyclical right it's yeah, I mean, it's cyclical and it happens again and again and I think, yeah, now let's hope this sport will resolve things. Um yeah, we just have to keep on working on ourselves and you have to understand the purest of senses that I'm right, and I'm always right and I'll always be.

Svenja:

Talking about unreasonable.

Moeava:

Yeah, um, yep, but I think it's also important to show right, because we always have this impression, like whoa, everything is perfect and it's never perfect, and I think it's also and this, I think, is also very important it's a constant battle to find the balance, and it's with everything.

Svenja:

What was the word I found, what was the sentence I used today? So I said that actually, every two weeks are bi-monthly podcasts of just you and me. We should open up a bottle of champagne because we thrive, strived and survived. And that's literally what. What parenting is like, that's what adulting is like, that's what couples is like, it's everything you do.

Svenja:

What careers are like what careers are like fatherhood, motherhood, whatever. It's all thriving, striving and surviving, and that's all what it is. It's just this continuous battle of thriving, striving and surviving. Iss isn't that like a terrorist organization? Also, I don't know that's isis.

Moeava:

That's a different one oh my god, cut um yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly it is, and I think this is. But the important thing is that we work on it. Even you always tell me I don't see you working on it, and I'm always. That makes me really angry, because I do work on it, on it, doesn't you know?

Svenja:

yeah, but I always feel like you don't see me work on it either. That's also what I told you. Like you, I I feel like sometimes, like I have to point out, by the way, did you see that when you tell me something, I do like this now and like this, and you say, yeah, yeah, I see it and I was like yeah, but you never say anything about it. But you also have the same complaint yeah, that I was not doing that to you exactly.

Svenja:

You actually do the same I see we're the same, we're the same.

Moeava:

The horrible, I mean also amazing.

Svenja:

I would never use the word horrible to describe myself. I mean, this is pretty funny. So yesterday we went to a friend of ours his wife's birthday and there was this one couple there with their kid, the professor and his wife. What does she do? Again? She's in some IT. He's actually a professor in ancient Chinese Chinese, but he's german and his wife is taiwanese right really cool couple.

Svenja:

Cultural, racial divide, like everything right kind of like us but super, yeah, and he's one of those big brains, you know, the kind of brains that, like you sit down and you talk to them and you're like I feel really dumb, and it doesn't happen very often, you know, but he's like. He's like yes, I'm a professor in ancient Chinese writing. It's even writing. I think it's even specific to yeah, get to the point.

Moeava:

What did you want to say?

Svenja:

And we were talking his daughter.

Moeava:

Oh yeah, that topic, yeah, that's interesting.

Svenja:

Asked them the other day if she was German and it goes back to actually it was just because you said that horrible would be a word to describe us and the mom she asked me. She was like oh so, mo, what do you feel like? And he answered I mean, he's Mo.

Moeava:

He feels like Mo. I was like, yeah, that's how I feel.

Svenja:

I feel like Mo, it's perfect, I am perfectly perfect the way I am, but this couple was super interesting yeah, yes great discussion yesterday about parenting and some other bigger philosophical, theological things, but it was very was an interesting subject that I think later on we'll probably cross roads with, because his daughter she asked them if she's German, which means that someone asked her if she was German.

Moeava:

Yeah, probably she was, or she is, four and a half years old. Yeah, I think that's an interesting one, right when your kid comes and asks hey, am I this or am I that?

Svenja:

For me the interesting part is not the fact that they ask if I am this or that, it's more. The fact is that someone actually was pointed out that they're different.

Moeava:

Right.

Svenja:

And then you're just like okay, so actually differentiation of people starts way earlier than you might actually think and that, for me, was the more interesting part of the thing. I was like, oh shit. So then somebody really actually made her feel different, that she was like oh, I'm not the same as you.

Moeava:

I mean.

Svenja:

Mona Nui is going to have to go through that. I went through that. I still go through it now.

Moeava:

I mean honestly. I mean you already feel it now because he has long hair and people asking, is he a girl or is she a girl? And I'm like no, oh, why is there long hair? People ask that, yeah, like like kids. No one asked me kids I don't talk to exactly, I just want to say kids, I don't like other people's kids.

Svenja:

They're not my kids. They didn't come out of your vagina, not my problem.

Moeava:

That's really how I act with other kids when I see there was like hello, and I just stay really far away from them and I don't interact yeah, yeah, yeah, but there was another topic that I just wanted to talk about next to this one, which I think is very interesting, and I think we will come to this stage rather sooner than later.

Moeava:

I hope later yeah, yeah, I think. Yeah, let's see when this happens. Let's see. Is the because we were talking about the balance and it's a constant. Yeah, yeah, I think. Yeah, let's see when this happens. Let's see, because we were talking about the balance and it's constant finding the balancing act and finding the way, and sometimes also things happen and change, like Munanui now suddenly starts crying when we put him to bed, and that never happened before. So we had this amazing routine, don't know since germany, things were were super easy with him in terms of sleeping, so we would just put him to bed around 7 30 and give him his bottle of water and we leave the room and he falls asleep and wakes up again in the morning at seven, which was great and we had. Of course, this is different when he's sick, but other than that, it was really constant. And now I don't know what happened, but whenever we put him to bed, he cries like but it's not the no, like he I can feel it's real it's, I can really feel it's a real cry.

Svenja:

But at least least he's not waking up anymore.

Moeava:

No, no, I mean he doesn't wake up.

Svenja:

No, because remember he was waking up in the middle.

Moeava:

Ah, you are right, then he had, but that was when he was sick.

Svenja:

Yeah, but he was crying to go to bed. Then he would wake up in the middle of the night.

Moeava:

Then he would cry and want to come with us to bed and then yeah, he sleeps through the night and in his bed but in the evening, when we put him to bed, he actually really cries. And so the past three nights, I think, I've been lying next to his bed on the floor and holding his hand and he even says that he said hand. So cute, I mean I cannot even resist, you know. So I give my hand through the, through the bed, and um, yeah, and then he falls asleep and it actually just goes also pretty quick.

Svenja:

I mean the last three nights it was then 10, 10 minutes, yeah but the nights before that were much longer he actually had to fall asleep in your arm, and then it was this whole struggle for like an hour yeah, so I mean the thing is it? It, it's this right, it's just, you've got to go through this tough thing and then it's slowly, little by little. It's like two or three nights and then it changes.

Moeava:

Exactly so now, let's see. So now at lunchtime I also just put him down and he also really wanted me there. It took him five minutes to fall asleep, but he asked me he's like mom, mom, mom, but fall asleep.

Svenja:

He. But he asked me, but at the nursery no no, so it's only with us it's now so weird but at the nursery is his bed an open bed, or is it? Yeah, they all sleep on the floor and they have the pillows and I was talking about the fact that we should open up the the crib uh-huh, he doesn't like it.

Moeava:

That it's no, because right now. He doesn't like it when the door is closed either yeah, he wants the, he wants it light, he wants the window open, I mean not open.

Svenja:

He wants the light inside, but not open. He's afraid of the spiders coming to pick him up. Oops, some days I would pay the spiders to pick both of you guys up. Really, I would even leave the windows open, I would help to roll. But then he likes the window, the light in window closed so the spiders don't come inside. The door to his bedroom open, right and he.

Moeava:

And then he doesn't want to be alone alone yeah, exactly, he doesn't want to be alone, alone, um, yeah, but then he thought I mean he fell asleep. Yeah, we should try.

Svenja:

We should try with the, because I asked. Actually remember a couple weeks ago I said yeah, you talked about it.

Moeava:

Maybe we should just open up the bed.

Svenja:

Yeah, maybe he's a little bit claustrophobic or I don't know but then he might come upstairs we can lock the door from outside so nice.

Moeava:

Yeah, um, yeah so, but I think this really fits to the topic. You know, things just constantly change and you have to adapt and you have to find your way to arriving striving surviving.

Svenja:

It's actually tss thriving striving and surviving tss. Why did I think it was ISS?

Moeava:

I don't know. Anyways, you thought of the third letter of thriving.

Svenja:

Says the woman who couldn't read Sunday. Oops, yeah.

Moeava:

So I think that's a new one. Let's see what will happen, especially now, as you'll be gone. Yes, my honey bunny is going to be on a business trip to Hong Kong and I'll be alone with him.

Svenja:

I love the fact that someone actually asked I'm going on a business trip and said is it for your podcast?

Moeava:

someone who never talks about our podcasting yeah, yeah, yeah, it's also kind of weird, right I find.

Svenja:

Here's another thing. I just want to congratulate both of ourselves. Thousands download, that's pretty fucking cool. That's really cool, but when you look at Right, so 1,000 download on our last episode. No, our second to last episode. But we only have a couple hundred followers.

Svenja:

Right, we don't get that many likes on our thing, but a lot of people actually listen to our podcast, but don't you know. And then there's some little things and you're like, oh, wow, actually someone listened to it, someone actually right, someone that you didn't know, right, because I didn't think about it. And it's like, oh, so you're going to hong kong, it's for your podcast and I was like, no, but good to know that you do actually know about it and you actually listen to it yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean it's been we had a super fan last night yeah, like I met a person the first time, it's like, oh, I love your podcast and I was really whoa, this is so cool but you've met her before.

Svenja:

No, I haven't you haven't.

Moeava:

No, I haven so cool.

Svenja:

But you've met her before, didn't you? No, I haven't.

Moeava:

You haven't met her before. No, I haven't met her before you had met her before but I wasn't at this last party, so this was really nice. So also greetings, in case she's listening.

Svenja:

Exactly, we watch you guys on the podcast.

Moeava:

Yeah, yeah. So this was super cool and this is also encouraging, you know, because we are super authentic here, we open up, right, we we share a lot of private topics and we do everything to inspire others, maybe help others, support others, and yeah, I think, um, it's then nice to hear that people are listening and that they are enjoying and that it actually helps. At least they're enjoying. I don't know whether it helps, but yeah, it's nice. It's nice to hear that sometimes, so it was a very nice moment yesterday.

Svenja:

I think this was I mean for me, if I can make a little this week while I was at the gym. I don't listen to music, I listen to these motivational speaking things.

Moeava:

I'm taking off my earrings because they pinch my ear with the headphones.

Svenja:

There was something about. What is the message? Right, what is it that you want to push through? Right, what are you selling? We don't sell anything, but what is? If we did, what would it be? Right?

Svenja:

And with our last podcast that we actually recorded last year while we were in Dubai, of our lesbian couple in Texas right, and I was re-listening to the whole podcast again, and it was especially on the diversity and the fact that they had to create their own safe bubble because they weren't fully accepted right within the society norms.

Svenja:

Right, and while listening to this motivation, there was really this moment where it was like this is really the horse that I want to be on is the fact that there, you know the diversity of parenting styles and, at the end, all what we want is just to raise happy children, right, and and and this is really something that this week, for me, that was something that really came to my mind and that was super important, because I was like, yeah, that's exactly the message that I want to give. That's the message that I want to do. Was that the diversity of the parenting? You know, it doesn't matter if it's two women, two men, or a man and a woman, or a single father or a single mother. At the end we have the same problems, we have the same happy feelings, we have all the same things and we all want the same thing, but somehow it's not. It's not.

Svenja:

The parenting world isn't diverse. It's not. The parenting world isn't diverse. You know, it's really ruled by these certain norms and for me, that's really something that I was this week. I was really thinking. I was like this is really, this is my horse, this is what I want to focus on?

Moeava:

yeah, I think I mean diversity and inclusivity. We need it in all parts of life, right, because when we look at the world and now I'm going, yeah, a bit philosophical, but I mean that's what's missing and I think that's a bit always my mission.

Svenja:

That's your mission at work.

Moeava:

This building bridges.

Svenja:

Exactly.

Moeava:

Yeah, really bringing the people together I mean having lived and worked in so many different countries really I think gives us the sensitivity of understanding different people, and that's now not because of their nationality, ethnicity, race, gender, I mean just different people you know, had different experiences and, yeah, think differently and at the end, it's all about recognizing that those different ways is what makes the beauty in the world, and in all kinds. You can go now into everything, no matter which field, whether it be parenting, working, etc. You can see that this is actually the richness of the world.

Svenja:

In the purest of sense. Right.

Moeava:

Exactly, in the purest of sense. This is what makes the world beautiful. Why do we travel? Because we want to experience and see different things, and it opens up our mind. And even whether I travel just to the next village or the next city or the next country or a country across the ocean, you know it's all about wow. I want to see something different because this enriches our life.

Svenja:

Because in the beginning, our podcast was really to tell people the the true, fast, the true facade of being a parent, right, the hardship, the which which is something that I still that's, that's the core yes but I think it's also now it's become even a bigger.

Svenja:

You know, we talked about in the beginning how, eventually, what you start out to build changes forms right, and now for me there's a new form. It's this collecting of stories of people from different backgrounds, different groups, and showing that we're all striving for the same thing right In our own way.

Moeava:

Exactly, we all want the same, and that's actually, at the end, what makes it so sad when we see all the conflict in the world, because, at the core, we all want the same.

Svenja:

Exactly, we all want the same we all want community.

Moeava:

We want to feel safe, loved.

Svenja:

Exactly, we want to feel that we have enough money to feed our kids, enough for this, and we want to feel all of that.

Moeava:

But yet somehow there's a miscommunication.

Svenja:

There's, like these filters that are put on and no one talks to each other anymore yeah right and and it's just this.

Moeava:

But yeah, this was something this week I was really like, yeah, this is, this is really my mission and, and I mean something struck me also yesterday when we were sharing our story with the people at the party, like oh, how was the settling in in Germany? Like, yeah, this time it was so different. We were accepted immediately by our neighbors. We're talking to our neighbors. We actually last weekend were sitting at another neighbor's place and drank wine together and had a meal together, and it was.

Svenja:

Oh, we had that man, that wine from the north of Germany, oh, that was great.

Moeava:

Yeah, still think about that one, um, so yeah, and, and at the end, that's what, what humans want, right, like. But then we also hesitate to do that first step.

Svenja:

You know, I feel people just don't want to take that first step they don't want to take the risk yes right, and this is us moving from this is because nobody wants to get hurt, no one wants to be said no to right, exactly, yeah, maybe, maybe, and maybe that's yeah, and so I think this is you know, we all want somebody else to come and take us and be like hey, why doesn't anybody invite us to this? But I mean, if it's not there, then just go and do it. You go and you know.

Moeava:

Yeah, yeah, exactly, no one wants to take a risk.

Svenja:

And even in your work, you always say the same thing Nobody wants to take risks, nobody wants to take responsibility.

Moeava:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people push it away. And why do you think it would be any?

Svenja:

different elsewhere.

Moeava:

Yeah, you're right, this is I think that's what we try to do here to help build those bridges and to tell Take the risk, do it, jump, don't be afraid, don't think about what others think. I think this is also something A lot of people are like what are they thinking now about when I do no, why Just do Just?

Svenja:

do, just do you.

Moeava:

Yeah, do you.

Svenja:

When in doubt do more. Oh my God, that's a T-shirt Just do you?

Moeava:

When in doubt, do more. Oh my God, you are self-confident.

Svenja:

I know right.

Moeava:

I hope Bundan he has his daddy's.

Svenja:

He definitely has it this this little angel. Okay, do we call it a day, yeah exactly, if you did when in doubt thriving, striving and surviving baby, that's the way it is.

Moeava:

Oh my god, that's another t-shirt, god damn, maybe that's why I have to go to the gym not three times a week but five times that's a t-shirt.

Svenja:

Right there, just do my thriving, striving and surviving baby oh yeah, can you see it?

Moeava:

I just see, can we do that without baby? Because that sounds really like I think that's from the 80s I think this is like the end of our podcast.

Svenja:

Now we should be like thriving, striving and surviving baby definitely not going to accept baby. Oh yeah, You've got to add the baby into it.

Moeava:

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I think that's horrible.

Svenja:

No, I think it's like a 1990 surfer, definitely which? I knew he looked like one yesterday.

Moeava:

He did. But no, baby, like, don't baby me, don't baby me.

Svenja:

Don't baby me. All righty honey bunny, I love you, my honey bunny. I love you, my baby, For another two weeks of thriving and surviving baby, no baby.