The Two AM Club: "Collecting Stories: A Discussioncast on Embracing Diverse Approaches to Raising Children Around the World.

Unexpected Journeys: From Bars to Baby Bottles

• Moeava and Svenja • Season 2 • Episode 4

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In this special episode, our last recorded with a guest in Dubai, we’re excited to share the incredible story of Moustafa and Brittany. What started in an Irish bar in Qatar turned into a love story that crossed continents, cultures, and time zones. Tune in as we dive into how this Egyptian-American couple’s serendipitous encounter evolved into a lifelong adventure. Mustafa's quick wit and Brittany’s openness sparked a connection that led to building a family, navigating the joys and trials of raising three children in a multicultural environment.

We also look at how their transition from the thrill of nightlife to the beautiful chaos of family life mirrors that of other couples who moved quickly from romantic nights out to diapers and playdates. Mustafa and Brittany share touching, humorous stories about conceiving against the odds, preparing for multiple kids, and the surprises that came with each step of the journey.

To close, we explore the unique challenges and rewards of multicultural parenting. From differing cultural norms to navigating religious traditions, this conversation digs into how they balance their backgrounds while raising their children. Join us for a heartfelt look at love, laughter, and the evolving journey of parenthood.


Moeava:

Hello and welcome to our podcast, the 2am club, the honey bunnies. How are you?

Svenja:

doing my love. I'm very good how are you guys doing?

Moeava:

Finally Fabulous, finally, finally fabulous. Fancy my fresh and sexy tribesman over here, ah yeah, you guys look fresh and sexy. He definitely looks fresh today.

Mustafa:

He does looks fresh today.

Moeava:

He does look fresh.

Svenja:

He does look fresh really I think he looks tired. Sorry, it's okay, but german, german coming through, it's okay. Who do we have here today? Uh me what's your name, uh?

Brittney :

ali baba, okay, what did you give him right?

Mustafa:

before a donut a donut I mean sugar, sugar high.

Brittney :

He has a sugar high. So lesson today don't give sugar to parents either. Let's start guys. This is mustafa. Stay atat-home, dad. He's a teacher and a great friend a sexy and fresh friend next to me and Two wives sitting there.

Moeava:

Like all the responsibility I actually felt good there for a second. There I felt like all the responsibility was off me. I actually felt good there for a couple seconds.

Svenja:

I was like that's not bad, not mine anymore that's how fast you want to get out of there for a second. I just said for a second oh, watch out oh, sleeping on the couch tonight and his beautiful, beautiful wife.

Mustafa:

That's nice. I am Brittany, I am Mustafa's wife and I am the mother. Yes, for now. For now, we'll see how it goes next week. And the mother of two beautiful girls and a son who is not here. He's in the US. Yeah, welcome. Well, thank you, it's so nice to know you. He's in the US.

Svenja:

Yeah, welcome.

Mustafa:

Well, thank you, it's so nice to meet you.

Moeava:

We finally have you guys on the podcast. That's a really good one, Thank you. I mean, I was already on one with Mr Mustafa over here, had a great nice talk yeah it was lovely.

Brittney :

It was a good one. It was an emotional one. To be honest, it was emotional. Yeah, it was a nice one. It was a nice one and it was really good. I wasn't expecting to stay that long, I was like plus, that was lovely.

Svenja:

Yeah, you are surprised, actually, once you start talking. You start talking, you kind of forget having the earphones and microphone in front of you. Yeah, I think you are the parents on our podcast with the oldest kids so far. Right, I think mostly they were around Mounanoui's age or a bit older, but I think you're the first, no, Mayan was the oldest one. The twins, the 17-year-old twins Ah, right, right, right, right right 17-year-old twins.

Moeava:

Yeah, yeah, he's from Syria. Beautiful, beautiful story also. But yeah, 17-year-old twins, that's the oldest we've had so far. Okay, okay, okay. Technically, Mama and Noby are the ones with the oldest.

Svenja:

Oh right, my parents obviously.

Moeava:

If we're going to go technical, that's definitely them yeah exactly. So I want to let know a little bit about your backstory, how you guys met, because you're egyptian and american and met in qatar, right yeah, well, let's have to start that, go ahead because he thinks it's funny he thinks

Mustafa:

it's so funny. I was there. I just moved to doha he'd already been there for a few years and uh, I relocated with my job from south africa and uh, I was entertaining some colleagues and some guests from overseas and uh, we went into this irish bar and it was all fine and great, and then there was some drunk guy that went to sit at the table that I was at and he's really obnoxious and I'm getting really irritated because I'm trying to be all cool, be all professional and everything, and I was just getting pissed and Mustafa was across the way and he kind of sees what's going on and I'm kind of yelling at this guy because now I've lost my patience and I'm going to drop one here in a second. And he sees it and he comes over and he's like this big bald guy and just kind of like talks to the guy for a second and I'm like, yeah, I'm cool, you know, I've got this taken care of, you know, kind of thing.

Moeava:

Right.

Mustafa:

And he just basically kind of picks the guy up and kind of bye right. Didn't think that much of it. It was like he just did a favor for everybody or whatever right. And I walked out and I just randomly saw him smile because he looks scary. He really looks scary when he doesn't smile.

Moeava:

And then he smiled it was like done Right there.

Mustafa:

Yeah, that was it.

Svenja:

That was it, the smile. Huh, can I see it?

Brittney :

Baby face, yeah, the face like nuts.

Moeava:

So you wear the protector so you guys also met in a bar. I mean we met in a nightclub. But same thing, it was kind of the same thing Fresh and sexy is met in a bar. I mean we met in a nightclub but same thing.

Mustafa:

It was kind of the same thing.

Moeava:

Fresh and sexy is always in dark corners.

Mustafa:

Purely by accident, purely by accident. And of course, he was just enamored with me, just absolutely besotted.

Svenja:

So then, how long until you got married?

Brittney :

It was quick.

Svenja:

Eight months, six months, wow, so you also knew. Huh, love at first sight, yeah, interesting. Yeah, same for us. Huh, we knew, I mean, I'm still.

Brittney :

No for you 15 years, 11 years, and then it's 14 years, and then you have a child, just like last year.

Svenja:

Yeah, just took a bit longer, yeah, just longer.

Mustafa:

We took more practice practice makes perfect.

Moeava:

Exactly. We like the practicing part I like that practice make perfect. Did a lot of practicing, but we were just not ready for the final outcome.

Brittney :

You know you was eating a lot of donuts, yeah so then you, um, you live together in Doha, or? Yeah, okay, and start moving together. And then she got pregnant so quickly oh.

Svenja:

So how long were you in a relationship before?

Brittney :

she told me first no, I cannot have kids because she was having surgery. I said, okay, it's fine. No, no issue. And then suddenly she told me I'm pregnant.

Mustafa:

Wow, those Egyptian spells we were married at this time, right, so we were already. It was fine.

Brittney :

Yeah, we was married and she said, okay, we wasn't planned for the kids now, yeah, but you couldn't have kids.

Mustafa:

I had one over taken out and just hadn't been in the car, so I had a previous long-term relationship. Nothing had happened.

Moeava:

Oh strong, strong sperm.

Mustafa:

Yeah, it was like that was it.

Svenja:

That was it and all I remember is pure panic.

Mustafa:

Yeah, I remember just pure panic. Yeah, I remember, just pure panic, I was.

Brittney :

Yeah, she was panicking yeah.

Moeava:

Because you weren't ready, or you didn't want, or what was the? I didn't want? She wasn't planned for another shot.

Brittney :

She had one and she doesn't want to have another.

Mustafa:

You know when you have a plan. Yeah, you have a plan, it's X plan. This is what's going on, right, you're given whatever lot in life that you're given and here you go and that's it, and so this kind of threw a through a wrench in me.

Moeava:

Yeah, it really did, it really did.

Mustafa:

But it is, you know, and I've got an older son right, they're 15 years apart and so I thought I've got my beautiful boy and I'm good. That's it, it's done, and go on with my married life, you know and about me no, no, but I meant. I meant in terms of kids, right?

Brittney :

and I'm joking yeah, so she get. We got Safi and then she got pregnant and we lose a child wasn't no she's a pregnant so the after Safi and um she was have also an issue with her period and all of it, like it's not, it's not stable and you don't know actually what's going on what's going on and then like okay, and then kinsey coming. We wasn't no kinsey for five months. She pregnant for kinsey for five months. Oh my god wow yeah she's the first child ever she was the express baby Express baby.

Svenja:

So you only had four more months to prepare.

Mustafa:

But how we prepared right Our version of preparation like the Safi.

Brittney :

Yeah, we had a whole system, like we talk about, the first child had everything. The second one okay, just dump him in the pool, dump him in there.

Mustafa:

We had it set where, like every week, we were grocery shopping, we bought a set. Where, like every week, we were grocery shopping, we bought a packet of Pampers or whatever.

Moeava:

Yes, I remember who told you about that one, that story.

Mustafa:

No, it's what I did with my son.

Moeava:

That's what you did with your son.

Mustafa:

And it was brilliant because you didn't have to buy anything for like six months.

Moeava:

Yeah, it was really good it was the best parenting advice ever.

Mustafa:

But then with Kinsey, then I was really freaked out because I'm like that only gives us four months, Right? Remember that.

Brittney :

Yeah, we went to the doctor one time. It's five months, we wasn't believing, we knew actually the gender. When we are there, yeah, and then with the second time, two weeks later, we have a baby. And when we have Kinsey, kinsey, you don't feel you have another child, not Safi Drama, not Safi drama, crying all the night, blah, blah, blah. Can she sleep, drink, sleep, drink, sleep. Then like maybe she's a year, or like seven, eight months, quiet. You don't feel you almost like the first child, or naughty like, I think like Muna, muna, noya. Now he is, he's calm.

Brittney :

Calm and quiet. But maybe the second one Maybe the evil one.

Moeava:

No, second one, we don't know. No, because the second one Would be an evil one.

Mustafa:

You're trying to. You've had your bets Exactly.

Moeava:

You know you might as well just you know, just get out up on top, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it's like gambling, you know, just get out up on top, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know it's like gambling, it's not gambling.

Brittney :

You have no idea what's going to happen.

Mustafa:

You know, I thought that's what was going to happen with Safi.

Brittney :

He wasn't bland for a second Shail.

Mustafa:

It was just like okay, cool, we're good, we're a happy little threesome family here. And that was it. No, no, we use condoms, that's well, there you go there you go, that's, that's helpful.

Moeava:

Yeah, my pool that game is so there's no way. I mean I saw how ineffective it was the first time I mean it went maybe because here, maybe in germany different what do you mean? The condoms are made differently. Trust me, germany. The condoms are made even extra thick.

Brittney :

They're like they're literally, you can tap on it, it's steel. They have lasers that kill the sperm before they even reach out. Oh my god, where did this? They're like. Literally you can tap on it. It's steel, it's metal.

Moeava:

I'm not talking about this I'm talking about. They have lasers that kill the sperm before they even reach out.

Svenja:

Oh, my God, where did this conversation go? Very, very quickly.

Brittney :

Next question, please.

Svenja:

Okay, okay, Going back to Doha. Okay, so very quickly. You had a baby.

Moeava:

How was the giving birth in Doha? How was the giving birth in Doha? How was the hospitals and everything there?

Mustafa:

Yeah, it was good.

Brittney :

At Ali Hospital.

Mustafa:

At Ali. Yeah, both of them were born there. You know, the interesting thing about the Middle East is that obviously, when you go the private hospital route with any of these, it's all about extravagance.

Svenja:

It's over the top.

Mustafa:

I mean when you have bellboys that are, you know, with proper bellboy, whatever those things are that take your luggage the carts right in gold.

Brittney :

Hotel five star.

Moeava:

Yeah, yeah.

Mustafa:

And they're taking your bags and stuff.

Brittney :

The same here. That's what.

Mustafa:

I'm saying In the Gulf it's like that, right it's just over the top, kind of thing.

Brittney :

You don't feel like you're in the hospital. You don't smell anything. You feel like you're in the hotel.

Mustafa:

Yeah, that's what it feels like, and we were in labor with both the girls actually for a very long time, a day and a half, yeah. Just every day. I remember with Safi she get up, walk in, I need a pizza and I need a wine.

Brittney :

Yeah, that was what I said Is that all I want is a bottle of Nida Bird? It was in Ramadan, I said it. Friday I think it was five o'clock it was not yet like half breaking my fast and she said I need a pizza. I get her a pizza and she drink a bottle of wine.

Brittney :

I did, and she's still walking, I so proud of it anything stay two days and become back and when we come back it's I don't know if you got this feeling or not. I hope Sophia. I don't want even the air coming next to her. You know what I mean. Yeah, the more protective note did. She cannot be around the world or the air. She is something specific, special. Yeah, you cannot mess with it like your shelter.

Mustafa:

You just want to shelter them, yeah you want.

Brittney :

No, you want to. No, she cannot like. How can she? She can be like normal breeze, like us. No, she have to be like. You know, that's the mind is actually, that's my mind goes through this way. And then I realize, as a kids, a lot of kids there is a normal life, they have to be and all of it. Yeah, and I was there when she have the baby and just like when I, when I see the baby coming out, just like my face getting red and the guys start like it was white.

Brittney :

They have to, like when they hold hair from the legs and like tap here in the back and I'm so angry he was so bad.

Mustafa:

He was so bad why?

Brittney :

why you hit her like this, why she still she, she is like a piece of meat. Why you do that? No, no, no, it's fine, it's okay. What they mean is okay, it's not okay. So, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, and she's I'm not. Look at her. Tell me if she have five fingers, five legs, five feet, five, all of it, her face.

Mustafa:

See this, everything is fine because they told me, because I had sofia when I was 38, right, and they automatically think that I'm some geriatric pregnancy, you know, yeah, they said, yeah, they're telling us Remember that I had to go in for the Down syndrome test.

Brittney :

No, they told the baby was not going to be natural.

Mustafa:

Yeah, and I'm just freaked out because it's like you know we were so happy with this whole idea and you know the idyllic life that you put in your mind about what you're going to have.

Brittney :

But I did not believe that. I wasn't believe one second. I wasn't in one second. She's a calm one. No, no, no, Don't worry, it's fine. Why are you thinking Whatever happened has happened, forget it. And I wasn't thinking about actually the baby will become like have anything bad or anything I wasn't thinking about.

Moeava:

But from this situation with Mackenzie. It started working.

Brittney :

Because of her, my mind started to scare. What can happen if this happens? I didn't share with her and I said, inshallah, I will be okay and she will be fine and everything will be fine.

Mustafa:

Because now I was older.

Brittney :

She's not older. I don't care about it, but I know what she says is affecting me later.

Svenja:

No, not at that point in time. Oh, also very interesting. Yeah, okay the same was the so the mindset changed and I think it's I mean yes yeah, I think for both of us, yeah I think it's very interesting and I understand that you were so shocked, because when you believe you actually cannot have a kid and suddenly you're pregnant, I mean imagine that. I mean for us it was planned.

Moeava:

Yeah, I mean we were talking, I mean we're together it was the first time we didn't use condoms yeah, ever it.

Svenja:

Yeah, we it was, we said okay now let's try.

Brittney :

And then, two weeks later, it was.

Svenja:

Yeah, I mean and and yeah, but I mean, like you say it was planned, it was. You know, like I mean you can't, you cannot really prepare, but at least it was planned it was. You know, like I mean you cannot really prepare, but at least it was planned. But I cannot even imagine like having that news, you know, believing that actually you can't have kids anymore, right? Like, oh my God, how the whole, you know, your whole world, suddenly, yeah, just yeah, mind-blowing, I think.

Mustafa:

Yeah, but I think it depends on how you adapt, because you're either going to be a person at least in my view you're either going to be a person that, okay, this has happened and I have to make a choice, so am I going to be upset about it or am I not, depending on whatever situation, that is right and even with Safia, it took some time to process that there's going to be a shift and there's going to be a change in whatever plan that was, and I think that you, you have to be an individual that can adapt and then take on parenthood right, because that's all it is is adapting every single every single minute, not even minute, it's seconds.

Moeava:

It starts out with seconds and then it's minutes. I think the older they get. Then it turns into like you adapt every hour, every week, every day, and then eventually it's like once a year you have to adopt to.

Mustafa:

But you're shifting your mind out of, out of what your body is.

Mustafa:

I mean you know, Mustafa was really, really clear in saying that it took him a good six months for him to fall in love with her Right, Because first child Right, and these emotions it's so raw, it's so incredibly like in your face. You don't like he was, he's just saying he was trying to protect her from the air. You know he didn't want her to breathe anything bad or you know anything like that. And then you have to figure out what that relationship looks like because he'd never been exposed to it and no one is taught to be a parent, right?

Moeava:

No one is like. Our parents tell us afterwards but there's no school for parenting. It's kind of this eh, the doctor gives it to you when you're like mashallah it survives. I mean, inshallah it survives.

Brittney :

If not, you know it's actually the hard job, hard job to have to have a baby yeah, 100% agree whatever you do, it's like, if you work in, you're the president of the United Emirates, of the United States. Whatever it is, it's easy than dealing with a child.

Moeava:

Yeah.

Brittney :

To raise a child, grow up a child. It's not easy.

Mustafa:

Especially, you want them to grow up differently than what you did.

Brittney :

But it's not easy because you need 24 hours there for this child and he start like walking in the feet and he start take decision because he don't know what to do, like if he missed, if he do something wrong or if he fall down, and he get like your mind start back and forth. So it's like really hilarious or stupid thing. Come in your mind what's going to happen to this child? What if this happen? What if this happen? You start back and forth and all you need to do is protect this child and then you find out how your parents, what they does with you and you think like why they worry about me, why they scare about me? I'm not a child anymore. And you're saying like why do you worry about me? Why do you care about me? I'm not a child anymore. The moment you have the child, you understand what you deal with your parents is what they did with you.

Brittney :

Yeah, and like he said, nobody will teach you the very thing or anything. You have to learn it, you have to get it.

Moeava:

And we're going to fuck up along the way. Right, that's the learning you do.

Brittney :

That's the learning part. I become a doctor. I become like everything. We're doctors, dentists, drivers, chefs, yeah but no, that's all everything For me. I put my head, my hand in the head of the kids, my head, my hand in my, the head of the kids. I know what they have. Yeah, throw infection, favor is like okay, no school today, stay, but I have to take care immediately to hospital or not, mm-hmm. It's just a practice.

Moeava:

What about the? Okay? So that was the fear from the outside world. What about the fear of being a good parent? So, like, what is it? How was the parenting part for you guys coming from different cultures, like me and svenia the german, tahitian, american, egyptian, american? How did that? How does how does that click together?

Svenja:

especially. Also, you were not together for too long, right, so you also didn't know each other. As for us, right, it was a long time before we had a kid, so we know each other very, very well. Um, but how did you? Yeah, how did you?

Mustafa:

feel impacted that. I think we addressed the elephant in the room really quickly, which was religion. Um, I think that was like from the get-go. It was from meeting each other is is that topic was there because that definitely was the a big aspect of our differences was that and him being who he is and because of how his parents are and were very accepting and very open to whatever it is, he took on the same frame of that in that you must be muslim, or you must be this or you must be that.

Mustafa:

Of course he'd be thrilled if I was. But it was like that's not. You know, that's just not what it is.

Moeava:

But you knew it wasn't, because the first thing she did was drink a bottle of wine and have a pizza. Yeah, exactly, yeah, absolutely. You knew that wasn't going to happen.

Mustafa:

Right. But I do think, because if you overcome that, if you can overcome that, then I think that that at least takes you in the direction to be able to deal with all the other stuff that comes along.

Moeava:

Yeah, I mean we have a friend that she was going out with, also Egyptian right Egyptian yeah An. Egyptian guy and he was very religious and she's from Australia. They went out, but the religion part was something that was very difficult for them. I mean, they never overcame because they split up, but this was something quite this was really a blockage.

Brittney :

He can drink, but he cannot eat pork this is this is the middle eastern paradox. It is really there is nothing drinking. Okay, he can have sex today, but no pork no problem, but pork.

Moeava:

This is where they draw the line. I think the Muslim hell is just pork everywhere. It's just bacon, everywhere Bacon. And the funniest thing what I find is when I go to the toy store here and I see Pepe the pig everywhere.

Mustafa:

Yeah, that is the irony. It's crazy.

Moeava:

You see the kids like Pepe the pig.

Mustafa:

Yeah, but that's the British thing going on. They just kind of dropped in everybody's hat. You had to stick with it Once the kids saw Pepe.

Moeava:

You can play with Pepe, but you can't eat Pepe Exactly and don't touch him. You can play with Pippa.

Mustafa:

But you can't eat Pippa, you cannot exactly, and don't touch him. Yeah, shame. Is that true, honey? Do you think that's true? Do you think that the religion thing, I mean we had to kind of knock that out. What do you mean? Knock this out, Like I mean you never said to me, well, I can't be with you because you're not Muslim. I never said to you, well, I can't be with you because you're not Muslim. I never said to you I can't be with you because you're not Christian.

Brittney :

In Islam, we allow to marry like Christian and 45 women and 4 women, we can marry 4 who wants to marry 4 women?

Mustafa:

I agree. Now I will say that has been an argument numerous times not about him marrying 4 women. But why can't I not 4 women, god? No, has been an argument numerous times.

Moeava:

Not about him marrying four women, but why can't I? You want to marry four women for god.

Mustafa:

No, who wants four? No, but it's just one is already, that's always been a debate. We've always had a funny debate with that.

Svenja:

It's so funny but okay, interesting, because I mean that for us didn't really play a role but, but we had other cultural differences, right like I don't know. For me the birthday is very important. You know, like these kind of things are also the way we parent. You know. There's just different things sometimes. Yeah, he thinks A, I think B, and especially at the beginning there was lots of conflict because of that. I don't know. It would have been different if we would have had the same background.

Moeava:

Both German or both Tahitian. I think probably would have been different if we would have had the same background, same country, both German or both.

Svenja:

Tahitian. I think probably would have been the same. I'm not sure.

Brittney :

I don't think so. I think American the same. The birthday is important, big thing to do it. It's not, it's a Western thing, yeah, but my dad.

Moeava:

he was from Belgium and he immigrated to the States after the war and then he worked all the. So we never really celebrated my birthday. It was never a thing so for me, but now it is.

Mustafa:

Now I really love the fact that, but when you got with her, you started that whole birthday and Christmas also became something super important.

Moeava:

Because, especially for for me, it's important but not as important for me to see Munanui having it and getting for him to grow up with that, and that's more. For me now, what's really important, it's the fact that we're going to have Christmas every year and we're going to make cookies and all that stuff, and he's going to grow up with it and it's going to be important for him.

Mustafa:

But again it goes back to you want your children to have a different life that you maybe envisioned as you got older that you had envisioned for yourself.

Brittney :

No, it's not. We want a better life for the child than what we had. Whatever has gone through we don't need.

Moeava:

So you guys had a plan with the kids and then how did it change? How did it evolve over how they grew?

Brittney :

It's so funny. They're like 10 years old and after 10, gone. Yeah, I think maybe 18, we'll be back to normal years old and after 10, gone. Yeah, I think maybe 18 will be back to normal. I don't know. No, I think it's like 20s. I think it's 20s also A lot of people.

Moeava:

They say it's like after 21.

Mustafa:

Once they start getting their own job and then they're kind of and kind of look back and go, wow, they really did this kind of thing. He's waiting for that.

Brittney :

He's waiting for that I can't, Because by the time that happened the other ones grew.

Mustafa:

Hmm.

Moeava:

Yeah, then they're both out of the house. You get a dog and cats and you already have the cats, so I already have the cats, man, you better outlive this Well.

Mustafa:

You know, I think it's funny. They grew up. We see, like you guys, the one in Nui who want to do it, and we see all these parents with the toddlers and we see all this stuff right, and it almost feels painful to kind of look back and go God, did we do this right? Oh, they've got the really special stroller. God, did we do something to their spine by not putting them in that stroller? You know what I mean 10 years ago. Or they have the cool diaper changer thing that sprays antibacterial stuff or whatever on it. Right, did we do whatever?

Brittney :

Bumbers is the best.

Moeava:

That's interesting, that you think that he didn't.

Mustafa:

He's very pragmatic about everything.

Moeava:

You do the best you could with what you have. You do what you do.

Mustafa:

And I absolutely went and I still am. I see that.

Moeava:

But I mean, I see your kids, you guys did a great job. Yeah, we pay them before we ever put them around you.

Mustafa:

That's the secret.

Moeava:

You just pay them with donuts.

Mustafa:

We do, yes, we do, we just pay them yeah, you know I sorry I I look at him and he's mashallah he's. He's a good man and he was very good, very honest man when we met um what I'm not gonna say anything about. You know crazy stuff here and and he's, he's that kind of guy but he's very calm and he just kind of goes with the flow with anything right, and he used to irritate the shit out of me Because it's like how can you not be upset about this?

Svenja:

How can you not?

Mustafa:

see this? How do you not see this? What about this?

Brittney :

And he's like inshallah, I'm like if I hear that word one more time, I swear to God Right, but it's him that's the real. What are you going to do?

Svenja:

But that's nice because that's the balance right. And I think this is so good because I remember hearing somewhere it's actually good that you have two different approaches. Yeah, because imagine both of you were like that. Oh my God, it would double right.

Brittney :

So even it drives you nuts, and probably him as well, but at the end of the day it's it's. It's good to have that balance right.

Svenja:

They drive me nuts I am the calm one, yeah, but it's good that they do you know, otherwise you'd probably fall asleep or I don't know it would be. You know they keep you on your toes back surgery, back shoulder no, but what? What did your kids teach you actually? What is it that you, or what happened where you think that was really unexpected?

Brittney :

teach me now they see, they teach me like hope, like happiness, feel like you know them around, you see them smiling, like today we went to Adventure Park and I know Kinsey, she doesn't like the scary place and all of it. I tried to move her to do it but when she started panicking, I'm like okay. I tried to make her calm down, relax, it's okay. And I started the kids around here, they want to move and he cannot go back. And I said like okay, and I know the kids. I said okay, kids, please, she's not going to go, we have to move back. It's fine and I will move her from here and he can continue. And I can feel him like start sweating, like you know, and she don't want to cry and scared. But I said, okay, it's fine, we can go, we can go and we will go back.

Brittney :

I just teach me like scared about them, I don't know what happening in the future and I don't want to think what's going on to happen. But all I want for them, like the bitter life and what I have to love each other, to support each other, to be close to each other when they grow up. Because these days, now the family is not the communication with family or the parents or kids, or like brother and sister is not like the same, like before. It's not strong. Everybody has gone in his way and I don't like that. I like to gather, not gathering all together once and like the Christmas to come, be there and all of it. Now it's not.

Brittney :

I need to be all around each other, to be, contact each other, be there to each other mm-hmm that's what I love, but I don't know what's happening there and I don't know what career they can take. What do you want to do in their life? I'm not rub their life to do what you choose or not.

Svenja:

Whatever you like, do it but what did it teach you? Like what? What do you think you learned from being a parent?

Brittney :

patient, but you are already patient.

Svenja:

No more patient, more you know why?

Brittney :

because I hate to be a teacher. I never thought in one second I'll back to teaching. I'm surprised for my to be a teacher. I never thought in one second I was back to teaching. I'm surprised to be back and the more patient and deal with kids like you want to punch him in the face. You need to be stronger, you need to be calm down, you need to be controlled yourself to handle these kids.

Svenja:

Okay, how about you, britt? What do you think you? Learned from them.

Mustafa:

I think that my priorities shift and have shifted, whether I put that to getting older or what you know, with my son. You know I messed that up being a parent. I was very, very young, Very young, Too young. I would look at this now and I would apologize to him for the rest of my life because I was not there for him.

Moeava:

How old, if I can ask.

Mustafa:

He's 29 now.

Moeava:

How old were you? I was 22. 22.

Mustafa:

Yeah, I look back at that and I just go no, he's got a wonderful dad, um, it was, you know I. I look back at that and I just go there's no, it was, you know, he's got a wonderful dad. His father is just, you know, he he's just a phenomenal man. You know, we're still very close friends, mustafa's good friends with him, um. But you know, you look back at that and I'm like I don't want to do that again. I don't want to do that again because I want to make sure that I have that element, that present element, you know, and that guilt that constant parental guilt that you feel, for whatever it is, it doesn't matter if you leave them for two hours.

Mustafa:

You feel guilt, and that guilt that I feel I have to move past and I'm sorry that I had to put him through that to learn from my side right, and when his sisters, when the girls, were born, it was just kind of like Safi. And then, especially with Kinsey too, my priorities have changed. I've started to value my family more than I do my job, more than I do my job, which it took me decades to actually say that In fact, we were having this conversation the other night.

Mustafa:

I'm like I don't want my kids to remember me. It's like that old Facebook post. I don't want them to remember me as being the one that was working all the time.

Mustafa:

You said your dad worked all the time right and you've got a myriad of memories that are associated to all of that. I don't want my kids seeing that all they had was that and that I only have dinner with them on the weekends. You know what I mean. And so Mustafa's like no, they're not going to remember that. And Safi walked in the room and she said we told her what we were talking about and she said no, that's not what I remember, that's not what I think about.

Moeava:

But in my head I do what do you remember? What was it that she said?

Brittney :

She wanted to come to ask about something, just what she come for.

Mustafa:

What do you want, baby, baby? Do you want a donut?

Moeava:

take the donut, don't worry you have a donut no, but this is you want one another way, when I knew he's taking his nap he'll be.

Svenja:

He'll be awake once we finish. He'll be there soon. When do you guys finish?

Mustafa:

At 45 hours. Get comfortable. It's already been 35 minutes, it's okay, you deal with it. Have a donut. Oh, you must love it, ella. Take a plate.

Svenja:

No, that actually almost brings tears in my eyes because I think I have the same topic. My career is very important to me and I think this is definitely yeah, since Muna Nui is there. This is my constant battle. It's really this constant. You want to have it all, but, as Mo always says, you can't have it all. You cannot have this super career. Be there for your kid all the time. Uh, do sport. Be super healthy pretty.

Moeava:

Yeah, this was the lies from the 2000. This american yeah you can have everything it's. It was such the biggest lie that they sold to us and and you realize you cannot. You can't work, have a great career and be at all the soccer games. It's impossible.

Mustafa:

It is not an Instagram post. It is absolutely not that I will have it all. I am strong. Whatever anybody says about me, whatever says the world, a woman can't do, a woman can't do, or can't do, or whatever, and it's bullshit.

Svenja:

Exactly, I wake up at 5am, then I have my whatever juice and I read three newspapers and I'm like you wake up at three.

Moeava:

You don't even need to do makeup because it's already tattooed yes then you're ready to two hours of gym. Before the children woke up you made fluffy pancakes, but japanese style absolutely and there's no nanny involved none whatsoever. Exactly. The house is fully clean, absolutely.

Svenja:

And I just recently read a study in Germany that they conducted that I think it was 49% of male managers believe that if you're a woman with kids, you're not going to be as invested in your job.

Mustafa:

I believe that, and I'm a woman with kids.

Svenja:

Yeah.

Mustafa:

I do. I have that same view.

Svenja:

And I it's stupid and and so it is. Yeah, it was very interesting. It really started, you know, started me thinking about the whole topic.

Moeava:

But then the great question would have been do they believe that the man would not be?

Svenja:

exactly, and this is the thing, because when I now speak to the older guys in my office and they did not see their kids grow up, their biggest regret is that they didn't take the time exactly and and that's that's a point there is no difference between men or women. It's just not that, you know, they just don't talk about it, but actually that is their regret, right, not being there and yeah, as a matter of fact, they couldn't because of the job or they, the different priorities, and, yeah, it's a. This is a very interesting one. Yeah, I think this is a uh, but I I do believe this is not only a topic for women. This is also a topic for men. It's just not that much spoken about, yeah, but I think a lot of men actually struggle with that when you I want to go back to when you see young couples, because I found this super interesting.

Moeava:

The fact that what you were thinking about was we didn't have that did I fuck up. But actually, what is it that when you see young couples, that goes through your mind on?

Mustafa:

Oh, you have no idea. That's what goes through my mind.

Moeava:

Yeah, exactly that's what I mean, that's what I want to say. You have no idea, that's what goes through my mind. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, what, what, what is like that's what I mean.

Mustafa:

That's what I want to say. You have no idea. You have no freaking idea what the hell's gonna happen. You really do not know. Okay, like you just want to shake them and kind of go. You know so cute that you put him in a versace gown and that you know all this stuff is fancy and everything else.

Moeava:

You do know that they vomit and it's only gonna last for like a month.

Mustafa:

Yes, exactly, and this is not gonna work right in no.

Moeava:

But I mean, in all seriousness, I think that that's do you find the parenting today is very different from before, like I remember her parents were. They said, um, their biggest thing when they see parents today is like you guys need to relax. You're taking it way too extreme with, let's say, the changing board, with the automatic spray of.

Mustafa:

Yeah, yeah, but it depends on where you're from and it depends on where you live, if you're here.

Brittney :

When you grow up how you raise your children how back there. The salary they have is not much enough. Like the earner, like what we have now we can make it better for them because everybody wanted the best for the child, for their kids to be like in in the best way.

Svenja:

They have everything what we don't have, but it shouldn't be like too much to spoil them but I mean, the interesting point for my parents was they're like we weren't thinking about you guys all the time. We actually had a life like we did not overthink things oh how can I make it better for you? And then of course we were a priority. But there was also still life like they. My mom said we just did like we didn't think about everything. Yeah, I remember when I asked her mom, like what do you think I should study? She's's like I don't care, like be happy.

Svenja:

Yeah, you know, like there was no. Okay, now let's study this, go to this school and apply, for I don't know we do IB or we do this, but this is Arabic people now. Sorry.

Brittney :

The Arabic people decided for their kids what they have to be.

Moeava:

But this is everybody.

Brittney :

It's not only Americans, it's.

Moeava:

American children German.

Mustafa:

You wish for your kids. Or you want to have them go in this direction, right? I think that from the Arabic side, I hear what he's saying Because we're just going through this, as she's choosing her GCSEs and the subjects that she's going into, which I think is absolutely crap. I think that is such a garbage concept, but anyway, it's our fault for putting them in a British curriculum.

Brittney :

It's good for them.

Svenja:

Anyway, it's our fault for putting them in a British curriculum, so um no.

Mustafa:

I agree, I go back, okay, so um, but she's going through this right and he was telling me he's like with with the Arabic kids, they're not choosing. She chose, she's choosing economics, history, psychology.

Moeava:

Okay, all right.

Mustafa:

So she's choosing and he says in the mom's groups they're saying, okay, we chose this for our kid, we chose triple science, we chose this right and it definitely is. It's an Arabic mentality. You are going to go this direction.

Brittney :

No, you're going to be a doctor.

Mustafa:

Yes.

Brittney :

You're going to be a pharmacist. You're going to go this direction. You're going to be a doctor. Yes, you're going to be a pharmacist, you're going to be like it's also very Asian.

Moeava:

I mean, it's not only the Arabs.

Mustafa:

Yeah, the subcontinent does that, it's this whole tiger model.

Moeava:

It's very Asian.

Svenja:

But I think in Germany as well. So I was recently speaking to.

Moeava:

I think it's becoming now.

Svenja:

Exactly Because I was recently speaking, speaking also to a working mom. She has is a banker, has. She has three kids and now two of them are going to school and she's living in this, yeah, very protected small little German village. And she's like, yeah, you know, I mean, the women there, they all do not work, they all take care of the kids 24-7, and she's like they're sitting literally next to the kids the whole day to do homework to you know, to do all their stuff, to push them in school and I'm sure they will choose the subjects. And she's like this is this is crazy. So her kids now have a disadvantage in a way because she is not sitting next to them all the time.

Svenja:

But what is this teaching them? You know, having your mom sitting next to you doing the homework for you, doing all the presentations, you know, telling you what to do, how to do it. I mean this is such a wrong direction. They take off. They take off work Like you have this parental leave the first year the kids start to go to school. I was like huh, like yes, so that they can handhold, that they literally can handhold and facilitate the transition to start school. You like this is just too much. I mean, I, I feel, and that's a bit, but what my parents said is just too much, like we. Well, yeah, six years you start go to school and then, yeah, that's where you and and you know and I think this is at least how, how, how they saw it and how they talked about us that we are over complicating those things way too much.

Moeava:

Yeah I think we're pretty cool on a lot of things yeah, I mean.

Svenja:

I mean they're not us now us but in general, our generation of parents, the current, you know, parents of young kids.

Mustafa:

Well, they're still, but I think I think they're having the thought process. Yeah, they're seeing it. They're seeing it.

Brittney :

They're seeing what is out there I agree, but in 10 years from now, we don't know what's happening of course, of course.

Moeava:

But the thing is we're also kind of laying the ground and seeing how I mean that's one of the reasons why we started this podcast is because there is no school for parenting yeah right. And then people just you know you meet parents and then they kind of talk to you about it, right, but it's just little snippets, right.

Mustafa:

And what they want you to hear and what they want you to hear.

Moeava:

And it's not all the truth, right, it's because there are times when it's really dark and there's times where it's really bright, and you know, and, and a lot of people, they don't want to talk about the dark parts, right, but we were just sitting there was like all right, like we just need to collect all these stories because that's how we learn how to become parents, and we're like there's not a lot of people that actually get to have this chance and to do it, and but uh, it's, it's, uh, but we know that of course, in 10 years we can change the way, but it's just the learning curves of, and the stories from the other parents, and then we can actually eat them, digest them yeah and see how we want to do I want to avoid that guilt and one thing I would, I would, I would ask the both of you is to do your best to avoid that guilt, because and I say various, there's various realms of guilt, because you'll read a parenting book that the most formative time is from this age to this age and then you're already past that age when you read that article right, and then it's kind of like oh my god, oh my god, I missed it.

Moeava:

What am?

Mustafa:

I going to do now. They're going to be traumatized for the rest of their life right, and you.

Mustafa:

Right and you can't do that. You can't do that. They are alive, they are functioning. They are functioning little human beings. They have a thought process. You're trying to guide that thought process. Whether it means not jumping off the side of the building, or it's from not drinking the Clorox, or whatever, it is Right. You're trying to guide that right process. There is far too much parenting crap out there that is just making you feel like you are not a good parent, that you are not a mindful parent, that you are not the perfect white picket fence mom and juggling everything like you were talking about Juggling all those things that you have to juggle yeah, it's wrong.

Moeava:

It's really this one-sided, one-sided thing.

Mustafa:

It is.

Moeava:

And then you know, and you're coming from all these different cultural I mean, we all come from different cultural backgrounds, right? And we all were brought up by our parents differently. And here we are all functioning to a semi point we need therapy, but we're still functioning adults, right, with our great side and our bad sides, right, yeah, but then you know, and then when you talk about oh yeah, I was the flip flop to the head and the belt, youtube for sure sure I'm yeah, the the yeah right, never miss, and his mom his mom's so good at that, right?

Mustafa:

sorry to jump in, but his mom is like the look. I can see the look on her face and I'm I'm not, you know, she's, you know, not 50 years older than me, right, and I can see that look on her face when she's pissed off about something right and it's like the look of hell. It is the look of hell.

Moeava:

The mother's look will not like yeah, it's like done exactly, and svenia, she only got hit one time really, and she still remembers it to this day.

Svenja:

It happened on the way to kindergarten. I stepped into um a pile of shit from a dog and I started crying because, uh, yeah, it was like I just didn't appreciate this happening, and my mom and I just wouldn't stop crying because I stepped into shit and she's like, okay, come on, like the world's not going under, and she just actually just slapped me, but she was actually wearing her wedding ring and so I got the, you know, the bump and the head.

Moeava:

So the diamond was not that big.

Svenja:

Jesus christ and until and and she's like come on, you know, like it's nothing like. Why are you crying even more now, you know, until I mean at night after, after kindergarten, she saw that I actually got a big, you know can you imagine her guilt? Yeah, yeah and the funny thing. I mean I unpack the story all the time, but yeah, all the time to be fair, it was not intentionally and I really I didn't need it I don't remember when I wasn't yeah, I know it was like my mom would always tell me get the pancake turner oh, oh, my god, it was a spatula.

Svenja:

Oh, I had a, I had a special wooden spoon but this is oh yeah, I mean, but this is an interesting story because remember what I recently looked up right like bring spanking back again.

Mustafa:

This will be now very controversial right?

Svenja:

well, I actually checked the law in germany on about, yeah, how is it? Uh, like, are you allowed to to slap your kid? And and what happens? Um, if you do, and yeah, it is illegal, even no matter how, you know, even just like a little slap on the arm or whatever you can, it is illegal and you can actually be fined and go to jail. And and um, there was a happening on the christmas market where a father, he slapped a kid and it was not I mean, he didn't beat the kid, like you know, it was a slap because the kid did whatever, I don't know, it just doesn't listen and a bystander actually went to court and he had to pay, I think, 800 euros at the end and has a record.

Mustafa:

This is a slippery slope.

Svenja:

I know, I know, so this is such an interesting topic, so because you're like okay, maybe in this situation this was completely, you know, I mean it should not have been, you know, prosecuted. But of course there's I mean I was right, but but this is exactly I mean. Now you're, because now you're talking about the stories, how you know what happened.

Moeava:

I was corrected many times in my life, but it was never. I would never think of my mom or my dad having to go to jail because of the correction yeah, it's same same there's nothing like right. It's like I deserved it and, to be honest, they only caught about maybe 20 to 30 percent of what I did.

Mustafa:

Bad, well you look at what's just happened with the us now and you look at the the verdict. That was a result of the mother's son. The son had gone and obviously shot up the shooting and she was found guilty.

Moeava:

It's the first time.

Mustafa:

Yeah for involuntary manslaughter, and that I'm not.

Mustafa:

There's no comparison, there's absolutely no comparison to any of this, but those type of things now as they're evolving, there is very different steps. There's a thought, a behind-the-scenes thought that has to go into parenting, of what I can and can't do, of what is acceptable, what I have to look out for, you know. You look at now where our parents didn't. If they're studying for their exams, do we worry that they're going to do something bad? Right? Are they going to be so stressed? They just, you know, freak out and have a meltdown, right? That was never the case for us when we were younger, but that is what is identified now, right? And so you're constantly having to be on the lookout, all of these you know, signs all of these, you know things that your child is doing this or not doing this or whatever.

Moeava:

How are you guys on the correcting part of your children?

Brittney :

We never hit them or never?

Moeava:

But were you guys okay with the fact? If you needed to do it, you would do it?

Mustafa:

I would not hit them. There's a big distinction, smack.

Moeava:

For me, a smack is a hit, I'm not talking a punch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah A hit is, for me is just the term of a good spanking.

Brittney :

I guess would be the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah From your hit From my hand.

Moeava:

I mean, that's a big hand.

Mustafa:

And bigger to a kid.

Moeava:

Yeah, I know. I always think if Muna knew I needed it in case I wouldn't have had the correction, I would have gone to more Svenja, she only needed it one time and I didn't really need it. To be honest, I'm sure your mom had one of those days. I'm sure your mom, she had one of those weeks single mom.

Svenja:

I know, all is good.

Mustafa:

Mama, I love you make sure you put those in there, just in case.

Moeava:

But you guys still had. It was like, if they need it, we will do it.

Mustafa:

They were smacked on their butt, their pampered butt. They were smacked on their butt, but that was it right when they were younger.

Moeava:

You're talking about now.

Brittney :

Oh, now.

Mustafa:

Now they need it, now they need to be someone need it, someone need it you know what I think that there is. There is quite a distinction between when they're younger and when they get older. Right, and they're. They're trying to figure out their thoughts, you know, as they're younger yeah when they're older, they understand those thoughts. Mm-hmm you know, and there has to be a More discussion around it that they can understand. And so it's. The discipline thing is a challenge, right, because you can go from alienating to just being, you know, to like.

Svenja:

Whatever right.

Mustafa:

I mean, I had a discussion with somebody about a friend of mine who who said how do you let your kids say fart? I'm like fart, okay, well, I grew up. My mother obviously bless her was very. Everything was grammatically correct. And I appreciate her for that. I seriously appreciate her for that. I seriously appreciate her for that. But you know, I would never say fart.

Brittney :

Never.

Mustafa:

No, I was not allowed. I could not say that it was breaking wind Right Now.

Svenja:

I had a friend of mine.

Mustafa:

He's like, how do you let your kids say fart? I'm like I don't care. In the whole scheme of things, is this going to hurt anything? No Now. If they're going to hurt anything, no Now. If they're going to use the F word, that's a whole different ballgame. But I've got another friend where she grew up hearing that and saying it and she's normal.

Moeava:

I'm kind of like your friend on that one. For me I'm very I can say fuck I know your kids are hearing it and you don't like that. So when it's parents and their kids and they don't want it, then I pull back. But when I'm with munanui- yeah I have no, I kind of yeah, of course I'm okay with it, svenia, she actually sends it in a whatsapp message. F with the star oh bless her.

Moeava:

I love that so when you said how do I say fart, I was thinking how somebody wants to say the f word but doesn't want to. No, I'm, I'm. I'm a little bit different from svenia on that part. I'm just like.

Mustafa:

But that's interesting with the two of you, so will you say it in front of him? She still spells things.

Moeava:

So instead of saying milk, she'll say shall we get him the M-I-L-K.

Mustafa:

And I'm like we did that. We did that too.

Moeava:

And then I look at her and I just go you mean the milk With Muna Nui, so it just nullifies everything.

Svenja:

But the funny thing is, I keep on doing that and I know he's like okay, I'm just not. I was like okay, fair enough, so we just do it, so it's like milk that you spill.

Moeava:

What else? The car Should I get the C-A-R? Yeah, just take the car with you.

Svenja:

Yeah.

Moeava:

Our world is going to change, of course, because of Munanui, but we don't want his to affect ours. You know what I mean. I also want to be who I am, so that he understands it's okay for him to be who he is.

Mustafa:

Yeah.

Moeava:

Because I think if you change too much then it's also kind of showing your kid that you know you kind of have to change because of somebody else.

Svenja:

And for me this was actually the biggest challenge the first year. I probably still today, so remember. I think for me this aha moment was, um, when we went on holidays last year. Um, and yeah, he was.

Svenja:

I don't know how old was he one and a half last year one year one and a half, I think, not even and, um, well, when you were at the beach, with the ocean, with the little guy that you know, uh, doesn't know how to swim, I mean, you're constantly on the lookout, right, you? You like I didn't have the time to lie on the beach and read my book and do my yoga and I don't know, like the things that I did before when I went on holidays, you know, and and for me this was I was like shit, like, like I can't do holidays the way I want to do them, like, and it really took time for me to realize, okay, things are now different, but you can have a beautiful holiday without doing that, because there was the yoga class every morning at seven or eight, I don't know. I just didn't make it because it would have been fine, I mean, more could have taken care of him, but I was just tired, like I had just no energy to do it. And I think, just the realization that, um, now I simply don't have the energy for certain things because we have him, and that that's totally fine.

Svenja:

Like, for example, the weight thing. So I still weigh four kilos, five kilos more than before, and um, uh, I, I really struggled with okay, you, you know, but I can give myself the time, because now I just don't have the energy. Honestly, it's not the time. I think the time we could make, but I just don't have energy. I don't have energy to run to the gym and push weights, like I just don't. And I was like, okay, there will be another time, you know where I will have that energy, because I'm not running behind a toddler all the time. But this is, yeah, I think this for me was a big one, that the prioritization and having like someone actually dictating you priorities and, yeah, just changing them.

Mustafa:

yeah, this is what do you miss about before kids and after kids?

Moeava:

Silence? That's a really good question actually.

Mustafa:

I was just thinking what you were saying about holidays.

Moeava:

What do you miss?

Mustafa:

Sex in random places. Love it.

Moeava:

You can still do it, but just more weird with the children next to you.

Mustafa:

Hiding in the corner of the bathroom. Don't make a sound. Sorry, I don't know if that was like a laugh, so he's like. His face is red. I think it'd go red.

Brittney :

You cannot have this. There is no editing here. There's no editing. No way it could go red. You cannot have this. There's no editing here, there's no editing no way.

Moeava:

Sex in random places.

Mustafa:

That's really good.

Moeava:

What do you miss from I miss quiet, silence, silence.

Brittney :

I miss. Free to do everything, you don't have to worry about diaper bags, kids and all of it and sickness, feel like meet my time alone. Yeah, sometimes we need, like you need, your, your man time yeah, you need alone time, I think without without like okay, where are you? The kids? Wake up, the kids not feeling well Like that.

Svenja:

Yeah, you're constantly.

Brittney :

Yeah.

Svenja:

Your mind is constantly busy, right All of the time, like when.

Brittney :

I feel like when I'm a single, like, okay, I do my work, I stay till like 7 in the morning and I go home and then, if off, I can still continue and I come back to sleep. But as a kid you can't do things like that, because what time do you wake up? I remember when I have to work at night and I finish at 3 o'clock and I come back 3 by leaving my work back 4 o'clock. I need to wake up at 6 o'clock to take care of the nursery and I need to come back to sleep, wake up 12, to go back here up and then back again.

Mustafa:

Oh, my God.

Brittney :

Like whenever, especially with Safi, it was not easy kids to sleep.

Svenja:

Yeah, I think this is actually what I miss the most. Sleep, wait, but it will come too.

Mustafa:

I mean, that's the thing right, you do have that and it will happen. And then your weekends are like everybody's sleeping, it's just like normal. You have four people in the house, or whatever, or three people in the house right, but what you'll miss is Simple problems.

Mustafa:

Yeah, yeah, when they come into bed in the middle of the night, simple problems, yeah, yeah, when they come into bed in the middle of the night, they've had a dream. They come into bed and I don't know about you guys, but I mean with the girls, if they had a nightmare. They come into bed and you're holding them and they're little and you know all those things.

Brittney :

I think they used to sleep with us until five years old that's what it felt like. I'm not feeling well.

Moeava:

I mean she went to her parents' room.

Svenja:

Until I was nine, I would wake up in the night, and I would every night.

Brittney :

It still was Kinsey. Sometimes they feel like my legs hurt, like sometimes she wasn't here. I tell Baba I cannot sleep. Can we sleep? Can you sleep with us there? I said, no, come and sleep here. Okay, it's fine, it's fine.

Mustafa:

It's tough here.

Brittney :

Okay, it's fine. It's fine, the one I come to do that, the oldest in the return, the youngest one, they tell me if you wanna, can I sleep with us there? And I said no, why both of you come here this, have a big, big, big big bed here and you can enjoy me but I miss that.

Mustafa:

I mean, yeah, I miss that little. You wake up and you see a little face next to you sometimes, sometimes they panic me.

Brittney :

I wake up like oh they're standing.

Mustafa:

The kids are standing over you.

Moeava:

Oh yeah, that was Nui the other night.

Brittney :

And Mickey was like figure out.

Moeava:

Because he had hand, foot, mouth right the last two weeks and then he was teething also and then the other night he woke up at around 3 or 4, and he was just crying and I was like my god, can you please get the fuck back?

Mustafa:

I was like alright, fine you're coming with us.

Moeava:

I put the dente knocks in his mouth, gave him a bottle and then we brought him to the bed, right? No, you brought him to bed and then he fell asleep with us. He slept for an extra two hours, but then he kind of just woke up, with his nose in front of my nose, he gives you the nose kiss and then he kind of just woke up with his nose in front of my nose.

Brittney :

He gives you the nose kiss yeah and then he just like open eyes and smiles and he just like scares the hell out of you for a second you see him standing next to you in the bed, like you like, turn around.

Mustafa:

You find him facing you yeah, like this to you you have a dream and wake you up oh my gosh, you jump five feet and they're so stealth, right? I mean they mean Safi's. They're so quiet. Yeah, safi's like brilliant at this. She literally I don't know how she does it. It's like she just kind of shows up and I'll just be kind of sitting there, whatever it is, and then I just see her and she's like right there, standing there, scares the shit out of me and all the time it's like what?

Moeava:

They just move that way and they disappear also that way. Yeah, they do when you're walking and all of a sudden you're like, and then you turn around and it's like, oh shit, where is?

Mustafa:

he.

Moeava:

It's like how did you, how did I not hear that?

Mustafa:

Yeah.

Moeava:

What do I miss from before?

Brittney :

You miss your bike.

Moeava:

Yeah, no, I have the bike, it's not really.

Brittney :

No, you miss outside, you go alone.

Moeava:

The alone time, but I mean, this year this was one. Last year this was one of the good things about last year. I really got to do an alone trip with my friends and I think it was really. I think this year Svenja will have hers and I think it was really. I think this year svenia will have hers and I think it's really important for that what do you mean?

Moeava:

you think, I will, yeah, you will yeah, and it's, and it's kind of like this now, this is a new something that we will, you know, incorporate into our lives. Is that, once a year, one of us is going to have this go be alone. Forget about the responsibility of being a parent, about being a husband. Just go and clear your mind.

Mustafa:

I can't do that, and I think it's interesting that you can do that, because I used to like it. I used to like going away and having alone time. But even people now, when I travel or whatever it is well, why don't you just stay, like I just came back from Hong Kong, so why don't you just stay and you guys could have done whatever or whatever. I don't want to do it without my family. I want to go somewhere with them. I know it's healthy, I know it's healthy to do those trips, but I just don't want to. I don't know. It shows the differences, right. I really don't want to.

Mustafa:

They irritate the hell out of me. Don't drop that. But I want to be on the plane with them at this age. You know what I mean. The toddler thing, god no, I'd never go through that again. I love you guys for that. Love it.

Moeava:

It's great, yeah, it's starting. It's really the no, the me, me, me me.

Svenja:

No, no, do you want? No, this, no, this, no, no, no, no, no. And you feel I mean he just wants to know he's just pushing.

Mustafa:

Yeah, well-being, parenting things are like. Don't say no to your child exactly, don't do this or get down to their level and hug them and I have absolute.

Svenja:

I mean I I hope I will actually get out of like I will learn what most of I learned and that I'll get some more patience because I have zero.

Mustafa:

I, I mean just was like you're just getting on my nerves like I'm sorry, it won't change because you and I are very similar in a lot of ways me and Mustafa are very similar you guys are okay. You guys are okay.

Svenja:

I really I mean no, like I'm sorry, I know you're not, not even two years old, but you're just getting on my nerves yeah, we're still together when I knew I did something, and then she just kind of like, she's like, yeah, you deal with it.

Moeava:

That was only five minutes.

Brittney :

Exactly.

Moeava:

It was only five minutes. It wasn't even that bad.

Brittney :

I remember when in the park it's Friday, saturday, it's your turn to have the weekend, weekend moms.

Moeava:

Right, it's the same thing. Like in the weekend I can't Right it's the same thing.

Brittney :

Like in the weekend, I can't sleep now. Four o'clock, is your turn now why? You mean it's my. I have the damn five days working days. You should be, do not wake me up.

Moeava:

Yes, freddie does the same on a Sunday. It's like, oh, you take care of the table. I was like it's Sunday.

Brittney :

The problem is you're leaving, yeah but there's a lot.

Mustafa:

You know what? There's a lot of resentment also. Maybe I'm taking it off topic, but there's a lot of resentment that also comes around some of this because our husbands obviously do the same thing. They're supporting in the same way. We're working.

Brittney :

No, you have the same mentality and we are the same.

Mustafa:

Yeah, yeah, yeah that's what I'm saying, and there is an element of resentment. I will be like you get this time with the kids Right, and I'm mad about it and I take it out on him. He is like you get to go out and see human beings. Adults, yes, adults.

Moeava:

We see a lot of human beings. We don't see a lot of adults.

Mustafa:

Ones human beings, it's just we don't see a lot of adults, ones that are just a little bit bigger right and that he you know that resentment was there, so and I would just be like I haven't had my sleep or I haven't done this like you need to do this. It creates a lot of resentment in a relationship.

Moeava:

It's difficult but for me, I just want to go back to what I miss from the old thing. I'm being honest right now. There is nothing I miss right now.

Mustafa:

Really.

Moeava:

No, I was really, and I've been thinking about it like really constantly through my head. There's nothing.

Brittney :

I really I'll tell you why. Since you have him, the semi-ironic tube in the hand, you don't want anything from the earth.

Moeava:

Yeah, to be honest, I would never. I wouldn't change anything about yourself and all about him. Now, this, this, I. There's nothing I really miss from before but did you forget yourself? No, no, I didn't forget myself, it's been years.

Svenja:

I was married for like 13.

Moeava:

almost no, that's different.

Mustafa:

You guys just started. You see the look on his face? He's like dude man.

Moeava:

Of course, but that's the thing right. We're just still in that fresh moment. You're still fresh, fresh and sexy, old and sexy. Fresh and sexy. Old, old, yeah, old.

Moeava:

True Back problems Shoulder problem I got knee problems okay I don't have back problems yet, but it's definitely no, but it's really for me. I really I'm really trying to think, but there's nothing that I I'm actually right now. I'm more in the what I'm looking forward to. That's really what I'm looking forward. I'm more into. What am I looking forward to? That is new me and Muna Nui on a motorcycle the first time, okay, but that's a good point.

Mustafa:

What are you looking forward to? Are you looking forward to what you're doing with him, with Sveni, yeah, with everything?

Moeava:

the parent, me as a father, how I'm going to become, me as a husband, the first things with Muna Nui, the first things with munanui, the first things with svenia and munanui. Like this is going to be our first move as a family. It's our sixth one as a couple. You know it's it's so.

Brittney :

This, all this new fresh stuff for me when you move was a little shy yeah no, I was the biggest family yes, but you a couple. There is no kids, you have the life. You can come and finish work late. You can go outside, hang up till the morning. You can do this now.

Moeava:

Yeah.

Brittney :

It's not easy, even both of you. You're going, you always message them and how he's doing. Did he wake up? Did the same thing, like that?

Moeava:

I mean last night. We had drinks with a friend of ours last night and we opened up a bottle of champagne and wine and I was thinking about the wine. I was like you know what I could do? Another glass. And I was like, oh no, I have a child tomorrow.

Svenja:

Yeah, that one is going to wake up at 6 am, and I was like okay, but do I really miss that?

Moeava:

I don't really miss it, though it's more like now I kind of think about it. I can't get really pissed drunk anymore, but I don't really miss that.

Svenja:

No, I mean I do miss the sleep and I've never been sleeping in. But just knowing that if you have a night that goes longer than 10 pm, I'll know I'll not get my sleep in that I need and I know I'm a person I need my sleep Because I have lots of energy, but I need that sleep to have that energy and otherwise I'll just feel like I feel like I drank, basically I feel like hangover if I didn't sleep enough. So this I would say but yeah, I mean we were never the night. People party people, anyways we went.

Moeava:

I got it out of my system before I met you.

Svenja:

Yeah, same same so we partied enough, so this is nothing I miss, but I just really like having that sufficient sleep. I still don't have it Even now. He's sleeping quite okay, but he just wakes up at 6 am.

Moeava:

He woke up at 7 this morning.

Svenja:

Yeah, because we're moving the cycle 7 am, bam 7 am.

Moeava:

I was already awake at 6, so it didn't matter.

Svenja:

Anyways, but there's actually one last question that I wanted to ask. We asked that question also quite a lot of other couples to finish an episode, and I think it's a nice one. So what would you like to express to your partner regarding their involvement and growth throughout this entire parenting journey? So what would you say to each other? What you appreciated, wow, other, what you appreciated.

Mustafa:

Well, can I start? I'm going to say, first of all, I have no idea what the hell we're going to do when these kids go off to university and leave the house, and that's one thing that I think about. We talked about, like, what the hell are we going to do? What is it that we actually want to be doing as a couple, because we've been so all consumed with the kids and our lives are all around the kids, right, um?

Mustafa:

But I think, in saying that, you know he's an amazing father and I thank you for that, because you have allowed me, you have allowed me to be able to do what I need to do and to get done what I enjoy and support our family in such a way that we can do things that we need to do. I'm wanting to find out, as we get into next phases of our lives, how I can return that favor to you. So how am I going to be able to support you know, and how am I going to be able to help you know, kind of pay it forward, I guess, or you know, pay it back, I guess, and in terms of, you know what that next kind of thing means the only way.

Brittney :

I don't think he gets to continue.

Moeava:

He wants two children you want to keep this process going good.

Mustafa:

Freaking hell man?

Brittney :

no, because it's 15 years all about kids, but then, when they grow up and they have their life, we should be have adoption, another one to continue, because it's not going to be stopped but that's what it's called grandchildren.

Moeava:

Yeah, true I never thought about it, but when you just said that I literally thought oh fuck, that's what grandchildren are there?

Brittney :

for I don't know how this kind of feeling is when you see like Sophie's child. Oh my gosh.

Moeava:

But that's your grandchild.

Brittney :

I don't know. Actually, I never thought for this feeling yeah, we got a while. Your child, me, not you I said we got a while yet yeah, it's tough, but you had. You had Alec. He may have a child, but me it's not. I don't. I know it's Alec. Alec, but it's not like I. What do you call the cycle? No, the physical father.

Mustafa:

Biological.

Brittney :

Biological the father is. It's. For me, it's like Safi to have a baby. Now it's going to happen. Come Baba, take that. You're going to be happy when she says Baba take this, okay, I just imagine, because Safi can be like her mom, work business, all of it take and you're going to say thank you. I'll be perfectly happy because, I can give it back yes, you will give it back give the baby back.

Moeava:

Here's a diaper.

Brittney :

I will buy you the diaper I will get you like soy milk. It's good for your child's body, it's really good, and you can take care of it. I don't have patient for this. Actually it was your mom who didn't have a patient. When we have Kinsey there and start crying, the more we're getting older, the more his patient is gone. I remember her mom wasn't having Kinsey crying, for like it was a show. It was like a sound.

Brittney :

Was seven months old and she started crying and really loud and like she is, like she wasn't like the sound or screaming. I don't know how we can handle this one. I appreciate what she does, what she did for all the family and for keep it all together. I appreciate that I don't know what's gonna happening after. I have no idea.

Brittney :

But I am not looking in the future, what can happen tomorrow? I don't know what can happen tomorrow because I maybe die. No one knows when we can leave, right, I don't, I don't, that's all my different. Most of people, friend, telling me you need to be, have a plan, you need to be. I said I don't know if I can live tomorrow or not. I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, but I'm not not sure what. I just hope to be healthy, no, sick. No, go wear a chair. Doing gym. Did the last day I die. I would love to die at gym.

Moeava:

I mean, then you guys can literally have sex in you know weird and hidden places.

Mustafa:

I don't even know if that'll work at that point.

Moeava:

With like a wheelchair. Roll yourself over here, take your teeth out, yeah exactly.

Svenja:

Oh my God. And here I remember this American lady sitting to me on a plane, I don't know, and I was. I was very young, I was a beginning of twenties, and she's like you know she was quite old. He's like you know, the secret for healthy relationship is to have sex until you're very old. Wow, I will never forget that. Oh my God.

Brittney :

I have not put this in my Instagram. Did you hear that? I'm not? You can do yours, it's fine, but not in mine. I have mommy and I have all of it. I don't want to lose like 50 followers or like 10,000. Thank you.

Moeava:

You might actually gain like 10,000 followers afterwards Of, like real people, you have kids following me Not the crazy people.

Svenja:

I have kids there, it's okay, they will also learn about this one or the other.

Moeava:

They'll learn about it one day or another.

Mustafa:

They kind of came that way so I don't know what they thought happened. But okay, you can't be sexy and fresh.

Svenja:

Where do you think these? Kids came from oh my god, honey.

Moeava:

And with this, thank you very much, guys thank you.

Svenja:

Thank you for being sexy and fresh.

Mustafa:

We love you guys, and we're gonna miss you guys.

Brittney :

I'm not gonna miss you guys after that.

Mustafa:

I love you, my honey bunny love you too, my baby, and we're going to miss you guys.

Moeava:

Yes, we will too. I'm not going to miss you guys after that. I love you, my honey bunny Love you too, my baby, take your teeth out.