Ep. 25 Rising from Rejection: Unlocking Personal Growth and Self-Worth through Healthy Emotional Handling

You've felt it before, right? The sinking heart, the knot in your stomach, the sting of rejection. We're all too familiar with it. But what if I told you you can conquer it and use it as a springboard for personal growth and improved self-worth? That's what we're diving into in this power-packed episode of the Smilie Empowerment Podcast, a sanctuary for Latina women and women across the globe striving to power through life's challenges and reach their dreams.

We start by unpacking the emotional bag that rejection brings with it. It's not an easy journey, but one we must embark on to emerge victorious. No, we're not asking you to bottle these feelings up but to handle them healthily. I'll guide you through self-regulation techniques, the importance of opening up to trusted friends, and the need for professional mental health support if necessary. It's a battle, but remember, you're not alone. We then delve into attachment styles, exploring how they shape our reactions to rejection and our ability to form healthy relationships. This increased self-awareness is critical to transforming your perception of rejection, enabling you to navigate personal and professional relationships confidently.

But that's not all. We also highlight how rejection, while painful, can be a catalyst for growth and change. We discuss societal pressures, the fear of disappointment, and how emotions triggered by feelings of abandonment and trauma can be harnessed positively. By the end, we hope to inspire you to see rejection not as a closed door but as an open door to new opportunities. So join us as we turn rejection into a stepping stone for personal growth and improved self-worth. Trust in the process, and most importantly, trust in yourself. Boss Chica, You got this! Remember to Wear Your Crown! Much Love, Smilie xo 

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and should not substitute for therapy. We recommend you seek help from a trained professional for your specific situation.

Q&A: What are Your Thoughts on This Episode? Please message us at contact@smilieempowerment.com

Are you a leader dedicated to achieving success or a professional driven to boost your leadership skills, establish effective teams, and improve your personal and professional development? Look no further! Smile Empowerment coaching offers comprehensive and personalized guidance that caters to your needs, whether individual or executive coaching or team-building sessions.

To book a free 30-minute consultation, please contact us at contact@smilieempowerment.com. During this meeting, we'll discuss your goals and create a tailored plan to ensure your success. Together, we can make a difference and embrace a journey towards your ultimate potential!

Follow Coach Smilie on Instagram and join us live on Thursdays. Conversations with Smilie: we have insightful discussions on different topics at 7 pm EST.

Join our weekly Empowerment Conversations with Smilie in Spanish Live on Tuesdays at 7 pm EST.
Únase a nuestras conversaciones semanales de nuevo empoderamiento con Smilie, Martes de Empoderamiento
a las 7 p. m. EST.
https://www.instagram.com/smilieempowerment/

Follow and help Coach Smilie g...

Transcript

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 0:05

Hola Boschica. Welcome to the Smilie Empowerment Podcast. This is where we celebrate the strength, resilience and determination of Latina women and all women who are constantly on the go, pushing through challenges and achieving their goals. I like to call these women Boschica, like me. If you're a busy woman ready to be uplifted, inspired, empowered to take charge of your healing journey and be a Boschica, you've come to the right place. We can all agree, life can be hectic and overwhelming, but anything is possible with the right mindset, attitude, tools and support. Let me introduce myself. My name is Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez and I am a Latina Life Empowerment coach and a social worker. I started this podcast because I know what feeling alone and overwhelmed with past wounds and challenges feel like. I want to help you with self-discovery, self-love and self-empowerment so you can grow and thrive. Do you sometimes feel alone, de siente sola? Well, you're not alone. No está sola. You have me, your coach, smiley. In each episode, I'll share personal stories of resilience, healing tips, practical advice, strategies for managing your time and priorities for improving your relationship with yourself and others, and insights on cultivating a positive and fulfilling joyful life. So grab your earbuds and tea or coffee, take a deep breath and get ready to be inspired and encouraged. Let's begin this journey together and empower each other to become the best versions of our lives. Let's get started. You got this. Welcome back. Welcome back my boss, chica, and my fellow listeners. I hope you're having a great week.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 2:15

Do you often experience this feeling of doom or feeling not worthy, feeling not adequate, when you experience rejection, whether it's rejection of that interview you went to when you didn't get the job, whether it's that a friend of yours actually declined on a trip with you or haven't been answering back your texts, so you find yourself pretty anxious when you are expecting a text from a friend or you've texted them and they haven't texted you right back and you're feeling a bit anxious and you start going inward, talking negative about yourself, feeling like oh, they don't like me, I'm not lovable, I am not fun anymore, I'm so boring, I am so grumpy. And while you may be experiencing feeling grumpy and have identified what the feelings that you've been feeling lately are to you, they don't define your self-worth. If this is you, I want you to know that you are not what you think in a negative way and that rejection, while it can be painful, and, as you're human, you're going to feel that sting of rejection many times in your life, some of us more than what we want and others maybe not as much. But rejection hurts and it's uncomfortable, and no one likes to be rejected. But I want you to focus on are you dealing with rejection in a healthy manner or in an unhealthy way, where you are more criticizing yourself, feeling shameful? I hope that you know that these are things that you feel that are not factual, because someone rejecting you adore closing. As much as it's painful, it is an opportunity for learning from the process and also understanding that something better is going to come down the road. Another door is going to open. Now you may say, oh my God, that sounds so cliche or that's easier said than done, but I want you to reflect both Chica and my fellow listener on a time where you had rejections and now you look back and you're like, wow, that was the best thing that happened in my life, or I learned so much from that experience that now I'm improving myself and I am going for an interview for a better fitted job to my skill set. I'm going for a better fitted job that is aligned with my skill set and that could be skills that you gain, that you enhance, or skills that you already have mastered.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 5:15

You may be experiencing some anxiety and there are different attachment styles and I won't go too much into that. But there's one attachment style that it's anxious. And if you find yourself that you are someone who you notice that you're very uneasy and you are a bit anxious when you're around someone who maybe takes longer to reply to your messages, or that person maybe taking a break from seeing you and you're very anxious, you know that is something normal. You may be experiencing some levels of anxiety and you really have to step back and I would suggest that you learn how to self soothe right, because it's so important for your overall well-being that you learn how to really self soothe, how to right soothe yourself and become self-sufficient. And that doesn't mean that you don't ask for support. It doesn't mean that you don't ask for help, because we as humans, we need the help, the support, the touch, the connection in order for us to thrive. We are creatures that need connection right. We don't just need to be alone and feel that we don't need anyone to get success, that we don't need anyone right, while we do need to learn how to self soothe and reparent ourselves, to learn how to right support ourselves from our own inner strength and our own self-sufficiency.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 6:52

I say it's very important also to communicate with your friends, with people you trust. If you need to get mental health assistance with a mental health professional and get counseling, I really recommend that. I really do, because when we're faced with rejection, it's difficult. So if you're right now experiencing any level of rejection, I want you to take this time to really focus on how are you coping with it, because it really is difficult to cope with rejection. Often we internalize that. I have done it, many of my clients have done it, and if you're human, you have done that. Where you may feel that something's wrong with you Now can you have areas that you need to improve, that you find yourself that you need to improve, or trusted individuals have pointed that out to you. Point taken, you can do the work right.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 7:47

However, we are not for everyone. We do not have to like everyone and everyone doesn't like to have to like us. Now, I've shared this before in different social events and networking events and with friends, and some people are of the opinion that they say well, everybody likes me, I get along with everyone and that's great. If you have a personality where everyone you meet at the first out of the gate, they like you and you get along with everyone. That doesn't mean you're best friends, but your personality is of ease and people really gravitate towards you and you socialize very well and you feel comfortable, right, that is great. Continue being confident and I love that for you.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 8:40

However, a lot of us, many of us in this world, we are not likeable to everyone and we don't like everyone, right. That doesn't mean that there's hatred. That doesn't mean that there's this despise, right? There could be some people that you may feel that, but for the most part, you just may feel like you know what that person, I just I'm not aligned with them. I don't feel connected, or maybe your morals and your values are not aligned, right, your interests might not be aligned. So I really want you to think about for this week when you've been rejected whether it was recently or you experienced it before how did you handle it and or how are you handling it now? Is it in the category healthy or unhealthy? And I don't want you to judge yourself or have shame or guilt. If you have process rejections unhealthy, that is pretty normal and at the top of this episode I shared that you may be experiencing an attachment style that is, an anxious attachment style, and the attachment theory developed by John Balby describes four main attachment styles, which I'm not going to get completely into them.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 10:01

But everybody aspires to have the secure attachment right and these are individuals with secure attachment styles where, no matter what, regardless of their emotional status, they are at ease getting close to others and allowing others to get close to them. These individuals in secure attachment styles they possess it might be you possess confidence right when they're with their partners. Right, they are not intimidated by the idea of being independent or intimacy right. Securely attached adults. They generally have a more right, rigorous, robust, stable relationship and a lot of us human that's what we want to attain to to feel secure, confident, right.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 10:47

But there's an attachment style right which is the anxious attachment right and that is if that's you and that's happened to me, I have had an anxious attachment where that the likelihood of that is that you may have a lot of different feelings. Right, that feels like a roller coaster. Right, often you may experience worry, fear, right, fear that you're going to be abandoned, and people that have this fear. They require a bit more of a constant reassurance and attention to feel secure, and this sometimes may make you feel right or make you may appear to be clingy and overly dependent on your partner, on your boyfriend, your girlfriend, or on those relationships that really require emotional, intense intensity and closeness, and sometimes it can be exhausting right to you and to that friend or to that partner. And I have to share that. Not everyone has to.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 11:54

I want to share that being in these four attachment style which is secure attachment, anxious attachment that that's the one I'm focusing on in today's episode, and also the other two, avoidant attachment, and those are folks that really avoid intimacy and trust. They have trust issues, right. They prefer to keep their feelings to themselves, right. And then the last one, number four, the disorganized attachment, and that one is right, particularly associated with people who have experience inconsistency in their life and or traumatic events with their caregiver, right, where they experienced that in the past and their childhood. And oftentimes these people, right, they may have conflicts in their behavior, such as you know, they may want to get close to someone and at the same time they're afraid of intimacy, right. So they really have a challenge with emotional regulation.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 12:54

This might be you, right, where you may encounter difficulties forming some stable relationships, but it's very important that you understand your own attachment style if you want to buy into this theory and understand that no attachment style we are not, none of the attachment styles are set in stone for us, right. But I want to emphasize that through your own self-awareness and possibly, if you need mental health assistance and you can go to counseling or therapy right, you can create a healthier version of yourself, a more secure. You feel more connected, right, and it really is beneficial to go to therapy or seek some type of counseling professional, professionally, right so you can really develop a more emotional, stable, right relationship with yourself and with others. That's really very important. But as we are focusing today on how do you cope with rejection, I wanted to give you a little background on this theory of the different attachment styles that you may be leaning towards one or the other or saying, hey, I recognize that in myself, right, and it's important to understand that if you are an anxious person or you notice and this is not to put labels, because we do not have to put labels on ourselves, these are just for you to explore, right, you explore some of these theories, explore some of these behaviors that you may be recognizing in yourself or in a loved one or someone you care for, and then you can better correct, right, certain behaviors, enhance them, modify them, all leading to you to have a better emotional well-being and being your best self as much as you can. And then that will lead you to having better interactions with your relationships, whether they're your intimate relationships, romantic, platonic.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 15:00

In your business relationships, in your career, right in the place of work, in your home life, in those circles of friends and socializing. You will show up being more secure and more confident, and that's what we all aspire to be, right? No one wants to be the shovels and all a mess with their emotions while they're trying to lead a meeting, while they're trying to close a business deal, while they're trying to raise their children. And that doesn't mean that in all these aspects of life, you have to be perfect and show up perfect. Not at all. What it means is that you can look at areas of your life where you need to tweak. Where do you need to modify the behavior and improve it to your liking, right To really your liking? And, yes, in our workplaces and business arenas, right.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 15:53

You also have a certain standard of way of performing and expectations that your boss has from you, or your colleagues or your business partners. But you also have to understand you first, because you are at the center of everything, and by this I mean that it all starts with you. If you are walking around in eggshells with your own insecurities, right, that will spill over to your colleagues, your boss, your career choices. It will spill over in your family life, it will spill over in your business deals that you're making and the opportunities and the networking that you're doing. It will spill off in those areas, spill on those areas.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 16:39

Now, what you want to do, and I would assume, is that you want to show up more authentically, being yourself, but being secure and confident. And that's why, today, I wanted to focus on how are you right? I wanted to focus on how are you and myself? How do we deal with rejection? Are we the type that we deal with rejection in an unhealthy way, where we internalize that rejection? And now we feel right. We feel abandoned, we feel self-critical, we feel the person doesn't like us, we feel horrible about ourselves. We start talking to ourselves in a very negative way, with extremely negative comments to ourselves, right. How do we change that around? And I want to share with you that you can start coping with the rejections that you've experienced in the past and if you're still working through them, or rejections that are right now, currently, and, I guarantee you, in the future, at some point you will have some sort of rejection, whether big or small, significant or not, where rejection comes into play.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 17:51

And the more you learn about yourself, the more you learn about using the skill of your emotional intelligence, which that is, really looking at and understanding yourself, managing your emotions more effectively, right, and managing your own emotions right, and also others, because other people in interactions with you will share their emotions that they have, and sometimes it's not in the most healthy way, and then how do you manage that? And that's a skill set that you need to develop and some of you do have it and it's great. And then other people don't have that skill set of really managing their own emotions right. And emotional intelligence really encompasses so many components that are very important for you and me to handle rejection, and one of them is self-awareness.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 18:55

I've had rejection in my life and I always speak about this significant time in my life, which was eight years ago, that I had a big rejection from an ex-friend of mine that I thought was someone that was going to be there with me when I had this huge loss in my life, this person that passed away, that was so significant in my life and there I was thinking that my best friend at the time was going to be there for me and that didn't happen in the way that it was. It had happened years before. I really lacked self-awareness. One was because I was in shock, still, you know, grieving of this loss that I've had of my childhood the best friend and sister to me. She was my sister, maritza, and she rests in peace. In those five years that she had cancer and she was in the last two years was more debilitating, especially the last year, and I was there as being part of that group of care you know very close, taking care of her right with her family.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 19:57

I really was losing myself right, because my whole focus was besides going to work at the time and, you know, having my own family, but also being there for her because she was dying and I was really very present at all times with her. I began to lose myself and the self-awareness that I used to have. At that time I didn't have the ability to recognize and understand my own emotions and that was something that then, when I experienced this with my friend that were no longer friends but that she really was not there for me, and it was so hurtful and I felt so rejected and abandoned right, not having the self-awareness to recognize that I had the ability to really self-soothe. I didn't realize that, right, and I put all of this expectation from myself to this other person that I thought would be there because in past they had many years been there for me, but having not having the self-awareness at the time, right, it really didn't help me to understand clearly my own feelings and emotions, as well as even the behavior of this other person. That was not the best decision that she made in the sense that impacted me, meaning pulling away without us arguing, not understanding me, not understanding what that was, and feeling the abandonment. However, it might have been the best decision for them, but it was done in a way that was not conducive for us both.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 21:43

To have peace with it. Right, because you can part ways or take a break, but when people have conversations and when you yourself are self-aware about what may be happening or of your own emotions, right. Then you can. Another component of emotional intelligence you can self-regulate right. It's really having your own capacity, take a hold and regulate your emotions and impulses and staying very calm in stressful situations. But when you have many stressful situations and something when it refers to someone dying and how impactful that is to you, that goes out the window in you regulating your emotions. That doesn't mean I don't encourage you to still stay calm, but for many of us it really is a very challenging time and you really can't be so hard on yourself of saying I have to be, during this time, self-regulated, my emotions and self-aware. It would help. But that's why it's important to be surrounded by people that when you may lose your grip, while you're watching a person that you love that's dying, you have people around you that can really support you and share in that and maybe help you with your emotions. And I always talk about mental health and seeking therapy at the time, which that's something I did not do in the time. It just felt too overwhelming, but it can be something very helpful that you can do while you're experiencing this and rejection there's a part of you that when you're rejected, you grieve right, because you grieve the loss of what you thought could be, whether it's a dream job, a dream business, and you didn't get that loan to start the business.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 23:34

You grieve and we oftentimes in that grieving we're so hard on ourselves, we don't practice grace, we really don't practice grace with ourselves and we start this negative talk about what is wrong with us. And this comes from also having that anxiety right Of feeling abandoned, feeling rejected. You may be triggered for past traumas that you've had or abandonment issues that you may have, whether you did resolve them. Not all the time they're unresolved. Sometimes you can have past traumas or past experiences that were very hurtful, that you dealt with them and you put closure to them. However, in the future there might be experiences or now, currently, you're triggered, and being triggered is not the issue at hand. It very much can be very powerful to be triggered. However, it's learning about yourself. What are they triggering in you? That rejection, that person saying that they can't go out to the movies with you today, triggered you to feel what that says a lot about. That says, speaks a lot about what you're feeling, what are you are experiencing.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 24:51

Now let's put it into perspective. You may have a friend who is always canceling and that's another topic and another discussion because there are friendships that are dying out and you both are not noticing it or you're trying to not think about it that way. You may have friendships that gone toxic Right. So that's another subject matter. But if you're in a healthy relationship and you're your friend or a loved one hanging out with the cousins and they cancel at the last minute, as annoying as it could be, if you feel that you are really taking it to heart and you start talking, speaking negatively to yourself, like I'm not fun, no wonder they never want to hang out with me, and then you go into the over, generalizing like they never. And that's not the case. It happened that one time or two.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 25:40

But you feel this doom, feeling like it's always that you're getting rejected, then that's something to look at. It's important to have some self reflection and I invite you to do that. I invite you to start understanding and reflecting on what is happening with you. What are the emotions that are coming up? Are you having more anxiety lately? Are you having more fear of rejection? Do you find that you have not gone to some interviews for a new job or some interviews to go into schools, to get back to school, because you have fear of rejection from other rejections that have happened. You're not alone. That's happened to me where past rejections have been so hurtful. In many instances you could have abandonment issues or other experiences that were so traumatic to you in the past that when someone rejects you in whatever capacity, it triggers you to feel what you felt in the past and if you're not careful, it can spin you out into you feeling less worthy of your you know of good things to happen to you.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 26:54

You don't go for amazing opportunities that are presented to you. You don't seek opportunities of change and growth because you are fearful of rejection and you may be fearful of failing and your loved ones to witness that failure. That's something that I, for many years before I launched the podcast, before I launched Smiley Empowerment, I really had fear of failing because I knew that launching a coaching business and trying something new, there's going to be elements of failure. I was so afraid of what my mom would think, my husband, my son, people that I care for deeply and that are in my inner circle. I was afraid of them witnessing the process of trial and error, of failure, because that's all part of success. Now, what I realized was is that everyone experiences this in different levels and in different arenas, right, whether it's in your career, in a business, in you trying something new, I know that there's a lot of young folks in their 20s and their early 30s that are so so wind up.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 28:03

You know they're so caught up in what other people are thinking of them, right, and this is not just young people, this is across the board. But I know that there's a lot of people in their early 20s and 30s that they're not connected to passion and fulfillment. They don't know, like, okay, what is that about? And when do I feel that? Because I just feel good, but I don't know that. I feel I've been told, I don't know that I feel such passion and desire as other people say that they do. So then they start thinking something's wrong with them and there's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with you, whether you're in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, your 60s, well over into your 70s. You're thriving and you're living. There's nothing wrong with you.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 28:48

However, what I can point out to you, my beloved, is that in the rejection. Right in that process of being rejected, there's opportunity for growth, there's opportunity for something else, and that's where I want you to focus that as you reflect. What are these rejections meaning to you? Not to me, not to your girlfriend, not to your bestie, not to your boss, right? What does it mean to you? And that's why it's important to realize and reflect what makes you happy. What do you need to feel fulfilled? And this is not the latest car, this is not the latest Louis Vuitton bag, that's not what I'm talking about. And if you find that those are the things you need to feel happy, I want you to go deeper and pass that right. I want you to say, okay, if I get that, then what?

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 29:42

Because oftentimes, when we get these material things, doesn't matter the price, how expensive or how not expensive, how affordable that whole feeling of the new excitement when you first got it, it goes away. And then it's there and it's just that a bag. You're still feeling what you're feeling, what you try to numb with that bag or what you try to replace with that bag, right, feeling that you have status, feeling that you matter, feeling that you've made it, feeling that you are successful. What does that look like for you, and through rejection we learn best about ourselves. That's what I've learned for myself. So not only as a mental health professional of over 30 years of experience, my own life experience being a coach, the experience with different clients right In my own profession I've learned that through the rejection, through the falling and getting back up, we have the best learnings, because we learn about ourselves. We learned what didn't work and what did. That doesn't mean that everyone who rejects us oh, they are the ones that have the issue, not me.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 30:53

I wouldn't say that, because there are times that you have to really look at your skillset. You really have to look at what type of person you are. What are you authentic about? What do you stand for? What do you believe? Again, what's your skillset? Many of us may have certain skillsets that have been great and carried us over decades and it's great. But through time things have changed and we might have to learn new skillset to enhance ourselves and be more marketable.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 31:22

For those interviews that you want to go to, to that position that you want to do, that business that you want to launch right, you may need to learn new information and you may need to reach out to people that are already doing it, or experts in the area, right, you may have to hire a business coach. You may have to hire a podcast coach if that's what you want to do. You may have to go to a speech class if you want to be someone now that does motivational speaking. If you want to go into school settings working with kids, there might be special certifications that you need past your degree, right? So there's just.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 32:01

These are just different examples of areas that you may feel like, oh, I have no business being an entrepreneur, I have no business thinking that I can launch a business. I have no business thinking that I could go back to school after I'm 40. I have no business that. I am early in my career, in my early 20s, and I have no business thinking that I could just travel the world and get a job that it's not really that I'm so much passionate about and I have no business doing that. I need to find fulfillment right away. No, I want you to know that.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 32:36

No, you have to do what makes you happy, what makes you complete, and some of the rejections that we're experiencing, we internalize it into a negative, and that's why I said at the top of this episode. How do you cope with rejection? Do you find that it's healthy the way you cope with rejection, or unhealthy? And whatever that answer is or it might be in between I want you to really focus on reflecting better on what did this rejection mean to me? Why did it sting so much? Why did it make me feel unworthy? Why did I feel like no one loves me? Right, because many of us, through certain rejections that may feel insignificant to someone else. They may really trigger us and in the deeper realm of ourselves, we may feel unlovable. We may feel that we're not important, and this next rejection just amplified that for you and I know this from experience because that's happened to me.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 33:44

And what I want to share with you is that you're not alone and that is not factual. The rejections that have happened in your life do not equal to your self-worth, do not equal to your level of intelligence and your skills that you possess. I want you to focus on what you have so far, that's gotten you so far right. I want you to focus on your strengths. I want you to focus on what so far has worked for you, and then I want you to shift and think about. Let me be observant of myself, not so much to be critical and go into shame and doubt of myself. Let me see okay, why didn't I get that job? Let me look again at the skills that they required. Did I have those skillsets? How strongly did I have that right? Do I need to take some classes, that friend that keeps rejecting me or cancelling and I feel that it's a rejection?

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 34:49

Let me explore our relationship. Is it a friendship that has died out? Does it need revamping right? Does it need to be revitalized by both of us saying, hey, let's change things up? This is what my new needs are, because you may be in relationships of decades and childhood friendships, or three years and what you needed a year ago maybe it's different. The relationship now needs something different. Or you may have to explore and know with your feelings that the relationship it's over. So maybe, little by little, those rejections of dates that you want to go with a friend or with a romantic partner, it may be signs that really the relationship has died out.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 35:31

So what I invite you to do, when you are rejected and you're feeling rejected and you're feeling abandoned, I want you to pause and give yourself love. I want you to pause and give yourself grace and understand that challenges do arise in relationships and through life and that you may have had some unrealistic expectations at times. So recognize that some people in your circle or interviews that you've gone to or positions that you've wanted to be promoted to, maybe unrealistic, equaling to the skillset you have, or it might be unfair. Maybe your boss passed you and you're like, wow, I am more than this job and maybe it's time for me to make a move right. But it's important for you to learn more about who you are and focus more on improving yourself. But first give yourself the grace and celebrate your strength, what you're good at so far and really focus on your self care.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 36:43

I did an episode, which is the episode before this one, episode 24, where I focus and I shared with you my personal routine that I do to start the week off and also my self care routine for my mental health, my spirituality, my self care right and some of the conversations that I've been having with new friendships, that I've been making new acquaintances right, improving communication with existing friendships and relationships. So if you want to listen to that episode, it's episode 24. And I hope that you take a listen because I really talk about how you can reinvent yourself, revitalize yourself for the coming week as well as for months to come. Right, we're almost finishing the year. At the time that I'm recording this episode, we are just shy away of two months to finish the year and you don't have to wait till January 1st to really examine all these areas and to really look at what are your desires and goals.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 37:49

And when you're getting all of these rejections in certain areas, it really can mean that this door has closed to open, give way to the new one, the new opportunity, something else that's coming down the line for you that's going to be a better fit, that you're going to be a better fit and that which is will be a better fit for you, aligned with your morals, your values, right. That is important for you to change your perspective, as how you cope with the rejection. Rejection does hurt. I am not going to minimize it. It can spiral you into depression. It can make you feel very insignificant at times, but that stems from you having insecurities or being triggered with past traumas where you felt insignificant.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 38:41

And now this is very similar to what you felt in the past and people that don't experience this in the past, with trauma and abandonment, may not be able to understand you, but that's where you can go to a coach. You can go to a mental health professional to really unpack some of these feelings and see if you need to do some shadow work right. Where are the areas in your life that are dark, that you still have to improve and you got to work through and accept, because you need to accept yourself as you are. But that doesn't mean you don't need to work on these areas and improve in where you need to improve right. Focus on yourself as well as lend yourself as well as lend yourself to be helpful to someone else, because I think, in the practice of us not focusing on ourselves, to heal, to work on what we need to, and if you're feeling in a place where you're like you know what I could handle lending myself to someone in need or volunteering or being therefore a friend of yours while you're still figuring yourself out, and if you have the capacity right, the bandwidth, to do that, that's great, because when we extend ourselves to others while we're still working through our stuff, depending what, it is right Because you don't want to stretch yourself too thin.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 40:04

That's why you always have to be self-aware. It can be very inspirational. It can also bring you to bond more with another individual when you're both going through the trenches together and you're learning and leaning on each other, not expecting one or the other to heal, to heal one another, but more to be there to support. And that's why I implore you to be mindful of the circle you keep. What's the company you're keeping? Just be very mindful of that, because the people that are closest to you have a direct impact on you and you on them. So make sure that you are really working on those relationships, but number one relationship is yourself, okay, so I hope that you work on these rejections, if they're occurring to you right now or if you have them in the future, to not internalize them as failures of yourself, meaning there could be things that you failed at, but that doesn't mean that you have failed yourself and that you have no self-worth and that you're not worthy of good things and that you're never going to have a good opportunity, because opportunities are around the corner and you are all manifesters.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 41:24

And I believe in my faith, in my spirituality, in believing in God, in a higher power. I believe that God's delays are not his denials right, because sometimes things are in the work and they're being delayed because you still may not be ready, because certain aspects of divine intervention and divine plan are still being orchestrated and are still being refined for you as well, as it's an opportunity for you to grow and to work on things. So when you meet that partner, then your best self is there. When you go to that interview, you present in your best self and not everyone is for everyone and not all opportunities are for you at the time. It might be that that will be at a later time and right now you need to focus on something else and as much as we want to make it work, believe me, god, the universe, everything gets orchestrated. Where all of that fails through doors closed and you're like what? But when you look back you're like now I understand. That makes sense.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 42:28

Sometimes in the process you don't understand, but you have to trust. You have to trust yourself and you have to trust the process, trust in God, right that things will work out While you're working, because that doesn't mean you don't have to do the work, whether that's different type of work, work, inner work, working, going to your nine to five, working in your business, as you're working and as you're waiting patiently, trust me, things are working out in your favor and I'm gonna close with these affirmations All is well. There's always something better. I am safe. Everything is happening for me, everything is happening for my higher good.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 43:14

Trust me, these affirmations, it's not just about saying them, just to say them Little by little. You have to understand them and affirm them for your life and knowing that, yes, I am well. Everything may not be going as planned, but all is well ultimately, because I am here and I am thriving and I will make the best of my life and through these rejections, I will get to that. Yes, where that's the one that's aligned for me, that's the one that's beneficial for me. Not everything that shines. In Spanish they say, no, todo lo que brilla es oro. Not everything that shines, it's gold.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 43:56

Some of us are like chasing these different opportunities and thinking that that's the best thing. For us, that's gold. Right, but no, for you it might not be. So know that some rejections are beneficial for you as much as they sting in her. Some friendships that are have ended and they rejected you and they have gotten out of your life by their choice, let's just say, and you are left without knowing and very hurt when you look at it and you look back, it was for your best and possibly for their best too, because if they're no longer aligned with you, then why have a relationship that where people are not happy, right. So know that all rejections have a purpose, a meaning for you, but you don't have to equate that to failure of your own and your own self-worth being measured by that rejection. Okay, because you're more than that.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 44:49

So I hope that this was helpful. Share it with your, with your loved ones, because you never know who's experiencing in, in the midst of them, waiting for their opportunity or something that you may not be aware of. They may need to hear these words, and I share this not only as a coach, but also as a fellow human being that has struggled with rejection and has, in past, internalized and been hard on myself, and these are the things that I've shared today. These are the tips that I've shared that have helped me to get through very dark moments and moments of rejection, and I hope that you still continue to bet on yourself, because you are your own best friend and you have everything you need within you to live a better, peaceful, fulfilling life, one day at a time. This is your coach Smiley, signing out. Until next time. Take good care of yourself and of each other. Don't forget to follow me through our social media and remember you are enough peasant.