Ep.26 Navigating Difficult Choices in Friendships: How to Handle Demoting a Friend

Have you ever had to walk the tightrope of changing the dynamics of a friendship? If you're feeling bogged down and drained in a relationship, this episode aims to be your guiding light. As someone on both sides of the spectrum, I'll share my experiences and offer advice on navigating the complex decision of demoting a friend without causing any hard feelings or damaging your friendship. 

From warning signs to watch out for, such as consistent negativity and one-sided efforts, to the importance of honest communication and setting boundaries, every aspect of this sensitive topic is covered in detail. We explore the difference between ending and demoting a friendship and provide a roadmap for evaluating your friendship. This episode is not about severing ties but reshaping them to foster healthier interactions.

Lastly, we focus on the art of maintaining friendships while setting boundaries. We understand that it's not easy to approach such a situation; for this reason, we offer guidance on how to reach a mutually beneficial resolution. Evaluating a friendship and considering a demotion can be challenging, but an open mind and honest communication can lead to a more comfortable environment for both parties. So, please tune in for this heartfelt and insightful conversation, and let's journey together through the winding paths of friendships.

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and should not substitute for therapy. We recommend you seek help from a trained professional for your specific situation.

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Transcript

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 0:00

Hello, Boss Chicka and my fellow listeners. I'm so happy you're is . Today's sensitive. I very sensitive want to have, at the top of this episode, a disclaimer, and that is that if you are seeking guidance for demoting a friend, or you're considering that the guidance provided here is for informational purposes and personal development, it is not substitute for professional advice or therapy. If you're experiencing serious emotional or psychological distress, seeking assistance from a qualified therapist or counselor is highly recommended. So make sure that you seek professional help, because this can help you and give you specific support and expertise you may need to address your situation. Your mental health and emotional well-being is important and there's no shame in seeking professional help as you need it. Your mental and emotional well-being is important and there's no shame in seeking professional help when necessary, so please take good care of yourself. Now, this topic is very sensitive. If you are looking for guidance in about, if you're looking for guidance on how to demote a friend, which can be very challenging and it's a sensitive matter I encourage you to have an open and honest communication to address concerns in the friendship. If you believe demotion is necessary, then you might have to take some steps. So I want to offer you some tips on this matter. You're facing a difficult situation already if you're in this predicament or if you know someone who's in this predicament.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 2:04

Demoting a friend is very, very sensitive. It's a sensitive matter and it's always best to have an open and honest communication with your friend. That is so important. Now I have to share that I've been on both sides of this topic, right, I've been one that has demoted a friend in past and I also have been on the other end where they have demoted me, right. And I want to share that. When I've been demoted the one that has been demoted as a friend it really was very detrimental. The way in which it was done. It affected me tremendously because it was done poorly, and that's why I want to offer you this episode with the tips that I'm going to share with you, because it's important to understand that demoting a friend is a sensitive matter.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 3:08

So I want to share with you a little bit about what does it mean to demote a friend? Because maybe you've been thinking about this or you know someone, a friend, who has been struggling with this. So let's define it a little clearer. So the term demote a friend refers to intentionally reducing the level of intimacy. The demoting a friend refers to intentionally reducing the level of intimacy, the level of trust and importance within a friendship. This process involves reevaluating the dynamic of the relationship, looking at the boundaries within that friendship in order to create distance and establish a healthier interaction. So you may be very close with a friend and you realize, for different reasons, which I'm going to get to them in a few minutes, I'm going to be getting into what are some of the reasons, maybe red flags, when you start feeling that you may have to demote a friend.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 4:14

Demoting a friend is not necessarily meaning that the friendship has ended, that you're ending the friendship. It rather represents the change in the dynamic of the relationship and it better aligns with your well-being and your personal growth and where you are at at the moment. So people may choose to demote a friend when the friendship becomes toxic, demanding or no longer serves the best interest. So to demote a friend, it really is important to set clear boundaries and communicate them effectively. Now I did share that I've been on both ends of this topic. I've been one that I've demoted a friend before and in my life and I've also been on the other end where they have demoted me, and I have to say that the times that I've been demoted, it wasn't done properly and the times that I demoted someone right A friend there were times that I didn't do it properly and then there were other times, as I was learning and growing right, I got better at better communicating what was not working.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 5:34

Because when you have a personality that you avoid, because you don't like confrontations, because you don't want people not to like you, because you really don't want to hurt someone right, then you may be in relationships for longer or in the level of the relationship, whether it's that that friendship is your best friend and now they go down to maybe being a closer friend but not necessarily being your best friend. Or when you demote your friend from being actually a close friend to even being like a casual friend that you really don't talk too much to but they're still in your life because you love them and because they're like family, but from a distant. So there's different reasons, right, and different levels in the demotion. However it's, there's no easy way or a specific way that's going to not make you feel uncomfortable, make the other person feel uncomfortable. All of this is uncomfortable, just to say that.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 6:36

But I want you to continue listening because I'm really going to unpack like what I'm really going. I am going to unpack tips that can help you, like they helped me right, because I want to avoid as much as possible for you to do a demotion or consider doing a demotion of a friend and you don't do it properly Doesn't mean it's not going to hurt, but there's ways where it's done in a way that it's very hurtful and it's mishandled in a very careless way. And then there are other ways of demoting where there's clear communication, there's an expression of kindness in the demotion and there's a clear, clear expectation of moving forward, how we are going to have the dynamic in the friendship. So that's very, very important and I hope that you take note, or mental note, to these tips and hopefully it can help you. But remember, if you find that you're experiencing emotional distress and it's really confusing and you're having a real hard time making the decision, you might want to seek professional advice from a therapist, a counselor or even another person that you trust that may not be in the life of that other friend, so it can kind of so they can offer you some solid advice, not from a place of or secretly dating like your best friend, and now this is their opportunity, right, to kind of get in there and separate. So you just want to be mindful who you're speaking to and getting advice from, if you know. I hope that this is making sense for you. If it's making sense for you, I am so glad. If not, please reach out to me. You could DM me or email me. In the show notes I have my contact information if you need more assistance with this, so with this topic, and let me know how you are enjoying this topic or if you're finding value. I always like to know when I do the episodes what people think about the topic.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 8:40

It's so important, it's very crucial, to reduce the amount of time and emotional energy that you invest in the friendship once you have decided to demote the friend, the friendship once you decided to demote the friendship. Now this doesn't mean that you're completely cutting your friend off of all contacts, right, it really is about limiting, maybe, the frequency of the interactions, avoiding, you know, deep or personal conversations and focusing more on, maybe, shared interests or activities that you can do more on a surface level. Right, so it's less emotionally charged, it's less emotionally involved. Now you may say, wow, that is almost like if you're cutting them off, not necessarily because you are still having them in your life. It's just that they are not at the level that you used to have them, right, and that could be because they betrayed your trust. It could be that they're very toxic, right. There's an array of reasons.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 9:45

But it's so important for you to really evaluate what this person means in your life and what are they bringing to you, right To the friendship, to what are they contributing to you? And, being someone that I have demoted friends and as well, I've been demoted myself, I can now understand better why. Maybe someone has demoted me right From their circle. It doesn't mean that you are not a good person. It doesn't mean that they don't love you anymore, but the dynamic might have changed. And, like I said, I hope that you're handling this, if you're thinking of demoting someone, demoting a friend, that you handle it with care and kindness, because, remember, you can be on the other end. How would you like for someone to treat you? So that is so important.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 10:39

Now, how do we decide when to demote a friend? And this is a very challenging, challenging moment in time when you start feeling, hmm, I think that something is definitely wrong here in the friendship and I am feeling more and more that I want to not see this person as frequently, or possibly not be in their lives, and for them to be as involved in my life. So here are a few things that I would like for you to look out for in your friendships, right? And these are some of the things that you could look out for to determine, to help you to make an informed decision if you're gonna demote a friend, right? So when you look at your friendship and you're thinking of demoting a friend, I want you to look at the friendship and see if any of these things are present in your present friendship right? Is the friendship constant? Is there in the friendship a constant negativity? Right? Is your friend always being negative, always being unsupportive, critical of you? They hurt you even if they didn't mean to right, and that could be a sign there that you need to reconsider the friendship.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 12:06

Now. Demoting, as I said, is not you completely ending the friendship. It's more like taking another step in the friendship and saying we are going to and you're taking control and saying this is what I would like of our friendship, and this is where we are at right. So another thing to look out for is the one-sided effort. The one-sided effort, so that means in relationships, in healthy friendships especially, it really requires a mutual effort and this is an all-relationship. So if you're the only one putting the effort, if you find yourself that you are always the one initiating the contact, initiating the plans, events for you to go out, you find that your friend is always, for the most part, always, canceling the meetups that you're having. Right, that's something to reconsider.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 13:06

What type of friendship you're maintaining? Right, because it's important to have in the friendship, in a healthy friendship, to have a mutual respect for each other and a mutual effort. Right, and it's important to maintain the relationship that you have, but at the same time, it has to be reciprocated, right? So if you're finding that you're in a one-sided effort, one-sided relationship, if you find that you're in a one-sided relationship, it may be time also to really reevaluate what is the depth in this friendship, how meaningful it is, how deep is the friendship?

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 13:51

If you notice that there's disrespectful behavior? Right, so you might be the person that you're considering demoting, you may say well, this person is consistently disrespecting my boundaries, disrespecting me, my values, my feelings, right, and that could be a very clear sign that something has changed and that it's no longer healthy. Okay, you might also see toxic behaviors. They might be manipulating. There might be signs of some toxic behaviors like betrayal, right, and different levels of betrayal. So it all depends what you're experiencing and for some people, some of these things, they right away say nope, I'm deading that friendship. It's not even demoting.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 14:37

But in the interest of the sensitivity of the matter and everybody has to make their own choice some relationships after you demote the friendship like, let's say, they used to be you and a friend, used to be best friends and you demoted them from best friends to a close friend that could be a relationship that now, with the new set of boundaries, the new set of you could say of expectations that we have of each other, it might be that it's a better fit for both or for yourself, right. So that's why I say that sometimes demoting takes precedent than just actually exiting the friendship completely, ending the friendship completely, okay, sometimes you may see also another sign of you thinking of if it's possible that you might want to demote a friendship, if demote a friendship could be unresolved conflicts, right, you may be experiencing issues within your friendship that the conflicts are really unresolved and they're constantly being present as an unresolved conflict and you find that there's no resolution. You notice there's no resolution. You notice that your friend doesn't take part at all in trying to find a resolution and make amends. So it might be time for you to say you know what? Let me see what this is about. Let me step back and really look at the overall friendship status of where we're at.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 16:10

Right, and you may be feeling drained when you're constantly, maybe stressed out constantly in the friendships in combination with other negative traits in the relationship. That may indicate that the friendship may be causing you more harm than good. As you are as close to that friend, right, you may be experiencing emotional manipulation as well, and that's really your friend constantly guilt-tripping you, right, and you feel that the relationship has become more and more. The relationship has become more about that other person. Sometimes you start feeling like that person is narcissistic. Right, it's all about them, it's always about them. They don't follow up with you. They don't really become. They don't follow up with you as you would want them to.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 17:03

Granted, people are busy, but if you find that the friend is never around for you anymore. You're like, wait a minute, when we were best friends for a few years. I know things change, but if it's so drastic where I feel that you are not really in the level of being someone that I could really count on, that you can follow through, that we are lines with things where I don't feel that I cannot count on you, right, you may start thinking of okay, where are we in this friendship and also giving an opportunity for that friend also to speak on. How are they feeling? Because they could also be feeling like not as connected with you and they themselves are not feeling you as a best friend either. So, even if you've done everything in your friendship, they may feel differently towards you in what you're providing to them.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 18:03

So it's so important to have that honest communication, honest conversations, which could be very difficult to have because it's sensitive and no one wants to speak of these things out loud. But yet our actions show already what we're feeling. So sometimes without words, but feeling what you feel the other person is making you feel could be even worse, because then you're left to your imagination. And what do we do? What do we do often when we don't have the answers from the person. The brain has to find a solution. The brain has to find a cause. The brain has to have a narrative. Whether you give it to the brain or not, the mind actually right. So you start imagining the worse. Oh, it's because they don't want to hang out with me because of this, because of that, and you always go internally and very critical on yourself.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 18:59

So it's so important to have open conversations with your friend to talk about what's the status of your friendship, right, and the lack of trust is so big. It's a big, big one in all relationships and as well as in friendships. If the trust is consistently being broken, right, if you feel uneasy due to their dishonesty and if you consistently feel ignored, right by your friend, if you consistently feel that they're violating your boundaries, that's really a lack of trust. That's a lack of trust right there. Right, and we're talking about consistently, because we're not looking for perfect friendships, right, we're not looking for perfect best friendships or perfect close friends. We're looking for honest friendships, right, genuine, authentic friendships. That's what I think most people are looking for right, and when you have a lack of trust, that's being consistently, because there are things that can happen in friendships where you have to own up to it, you apologize, you correct your behavior after the apology and you move on and you grow from it. But there are other relationships where it's a constant.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 20:20

It's consistently you feeling the mistrust or consistently you feeling the uneasiness when you're around this person, when you're consistently feeling ignored because they don't follow through in going out in plans, they don't initiate any plans when you initiate it. They sometimes at the last minute also break your plans. And I speak of this because I've had that experience myself where I've had friendships that are very long friendships, life long friendships. But they change, right. People move out of stay. That doesn't mean that they're not close friends, right, or dear friends or more like sisters or sisterhood. But there's changes, right, and that's okay. We evolve and we change and that doesn't mean we have to be friends forever, or at least it doesn't mean that the friendship has to look the same way as it did when you were 10 or as it did three years ago. Change happens, right, and sometimes we want different things and as we're evolving, we go on different paths. So it's so beautiful when a friendship can grow together, but that doesn't mean that there's an absence of growing pains, misunderstandings. That's why it's so important to have conversations and I hope that you really are taking inventory of the friendships you're keeping and who's who right In your life. What does it mean for you?

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 21:50

Like some people, I've known people that have said to me it's funny, I don't believe in best friendships and titles, I just believe in just a friendship. You have a friendship, we have a good friendship, that's it. There are other people that believe in yeah, I believe in. There are other people that believe in having different types of friends in the labeling. Which could be a best friend? Then you have a close friend. Then you have a friend that you're like oh, that's a cool friend, you know it's a friend. But then you have a close friend, which means that there's more trust. You may confide in them, in things that you don't share with the person. That's a friend, a regular friend, right. Then you have a best friend. Where that?

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 22:33

When people speak of best friends through ages and time, when you hear that, what do you automatically envision in that friendship? Right, for me, everybody could be different, but for the most part, a best friend is like your ride or die, right, and that doesn't mean that with a close friend, they cannot be your ride or die. But in a best friendship it's like it's a whole package which brings the emotional component right, the trust right, the being there for you, the how much you can rely on them, what they go the extra mile for you. You're very aligned with your values and your interests, right? It's a package deal. So for some of us we may have one or two best friends.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 23:24

I've known folks that have two best friends, three best friends. Then I know folks that they're like nope, it's just one and that's it. So it's just you evaluating what does a best friendship mean to you? What does friendship mean to you and where do you put? How much effort do you put in your friendships? Right, and what's important for you? What are you looking for in friendships? I've had other individuals that have shared with me.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 23:51

I really am not interested in having a best friend in my lifetime. Maybe they've had in the past and they're like moving forward. I just want a friend and not that much of intimacy, not so much closeness, and that's okay if that's where you're at. So remember, if you're needing more professional help, I always recommend seeking a counselor, a therapist, if you need assistance with a coach, that is great, but I think if you're really in emotional distress, I highly recommend a mental health professional to help you, because there's many components. Especially if you're emotionally in distress or if you're grieving the loss of the status of how the friendship is and you're really consistently sad, you may need a little bit more of assistance, and there's no shame in that, okay, and if you know someone who's going through this, I hope that these tips that I'm sharing with you and how I am unpacking it today, that it lends itself for you to be more compassionate and generous and kind If you have a friend or a loved one that's experiencing this dilemma of when do I demote, you know, like the dilemma of how do I demote my best friend or how do I demote that friend and what do I do right.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 25:18

So I hope that this episode really helps you at least to start analyzing your needs right. Analyzing, then what is the need within that friendship to have reciprocal, a reciprocal friendship that's healthy. What does that look like? Okay, so I'm gonna offer you some tips for you to help you right, or at least I'm gonna offer you now some tips that might help you in making that decision of demoting your friend without really causing any hard feelings or damaging the friendship. And you may say no, you cannot demote someone and not have hard feelings or damaging the friendship. I have to, you know. I have to say that when it's done properly I think I've experienced it where I've done it in two of these ways I've had situations where I've done it properly, like really having this effective communication the other person has the maturity. I have the maturity to have a sit down and really discuss it. It doesn't mean that it doesn't sting, it doesn't mean that it doesn't feel uncomfortable, but we've managed to not damage the whole of the friendship, the friendship itself. We've managed not to damage it.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 26:42

So I wanna offer you what I've done and what I've shared with others that they can consider to do, and the word keyword is consider right, because this is not something that I'm telling you to do it exactly this way. You really have to analyze yourself and the person that you're with, and these tips are more of guidance, okay, so when considering demoting a friendship, the first thing I want you to really do is reflect on your needs. That's so important. That's what I had to do. Reflect on what do you need? That is so important, meaning, what do you need from the friendship at this time? Right, ask yourself if your expectations really are aligned with what you are receiving in the friendship, okay? So I want you to really evaluate what's happening in the friendship and what you expect from this friendship. Are you receiving that in the friendship? Okay?

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 27:38

Next, once you are really reflecting first on your own needs because it is important to know what do you need in the friendship, right? What you're expecting from that friendship, is it really aligned with your needs? Firstly, that's what I want you to do Consider doing. Number two is consider reflecting your as I was saying, your needs. But do this before. This is still number one, I'm sorry, this is still number one reflecting on your needs, right, I want you to, before you take action, I want you to reflect what is causing this is the second reflection, that's what it is what is causing your wanting to demote your friendship. So I want you to, before taking any action, I want you to reflect on what's causing you to consider demoting the friendship, right? Is it that, like I said before, the expectations that you want from this friendship? They're not aligned anymore with the relationship in the friendship. So I want you to really reflect on that before you decide to take action.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 28:49

Like I said, first you're gonna reflect on what do you need and then I want you to really look at what is causing you to consider the demotion. Is it that the person has been consistently betraying you? What is it right? You need to identify what it is and I recommend that you put pen to paper. I highly recommend that, because just write, write out without thinking of your grammar, without you don't even have to write linear. Just take a pad, a notepad, and just write.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 29:23

What are the things that are coming up for you when you think of this friend that you're considering to demote? What are you thinking about them? What has transpired that has led you to this feeling right? And some of you might be in this feeling for a long time, and I know that it's not easy. It's happened to me where I've been, I'm talking about years in making a decision of demoting a friendship right. So that may be you okay.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 29:51

Now, once you have done this deep reflection of yourself and of your needs, and also reflection of what has happened, what has transpired in the friendship from your perspective, right? It's always from your perspective, because you don't know what the other person might be thinking till you do what I may be suggesting next, which is initiate a private conversation. Initiate, take it upon yourself, don't wait for the other person. I've done that myself where I am suspecting this friendship is going. It's not as close as anymore, but I don't wanna bring it up. I suggest that you do take the initiative, right and in private, not in front of other people. Right, do it in a private setting, in private, have an honest conversation with your friend to express to them what you're feeling. Right, and do your best to avoid the blame. And I have to say that back then, when I've demoted friendships, I went into the blaming because I felt so hurt as to what these individuals couldn't offer me, and I was so hurt that then I was like because you did this, because you did this this time and you made me feel, and you, and what I've learned through my own professional development and my own personal growth is to use I statements to express your own emotions and your experiences. Right, so speak from the I right, avoid, avoid placing the blame. Speak from the I. That's much more empowering Doesn't mean that the person is gonna receive it well or not, but you are speaking of your needs, right? So speak from statements of I. Okay To express your emotions and past experiences as you perceive them to have happened, because everybody in a situation, when you bring up past events, past experiences, sometimes both parties are not recollecting in the same manner.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 32:12

They're looking at it from a different lens, a different experience. And sometimes people, as they're being just brought up certain behaviors, they go into gaslighting. That is major, you know, and you might have experienced it or even have gaslighted someone else in different forms, even if it's in small increments. But we all sometimes may have gaslighted someone. But I'm talking about when folks are like really telling you that didn't happen, that's not what happened. No, I never did that, and you have solid proof that you know that you did experience it that way. Sometimes you even have witnesses and other friends that they're like, wow, that really was messed up and the person is still not acknowledging their behavior and their gaslighting. You right. So that's very important to stay very much aware that when you stay in your I statements, that is your experience, your reality, and you own your emotions, because your emotions and your feelings are very much valid as well as theirs is valid as well. But I want you to stay in the I statements, okay.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 33:23

Next, I really want you to set boundaries right. Set boundaries within the relationship right. There's certain behaviors and certain dynamics that may be causing issues within your friendship. So discuss the boundaries right. Make it very clear to your friend that you need certain boundaries and listen to what they need right so you can be more comfortable Both of you. The boundaries will help you to really define the friendship and the relationship and define what's acceptable in the friendship moving forward. So that's very healthy, right. It's very healthy to set healthy boundaries in the friendship and reevaluate what you've had before that was not working. You may find that there's a new set of boundaries that you both want to keep and you are the person that maybe initiates those new boundaries and the other person will speak to you, hopefully, and say if they agree or not and that will be also that will be the premise to say, okay, this is how we're going to be moving forward in our new, established friendship, meaning the way we're establishing our friendship, re-establishing our friendship, and that could be from a friend that used to be a best friend to now a close friend that you love and care, but now it's different, right, and you can both readjust.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 34:54

Now there could be that there's many misunderstandings in your relationship that you are looking to demote in the friendship and that at the time it really wasn't, you wasn't able to solve it right. So I would advise you to take a step back right Without really demoting. What I mean is take a step back without demoting is okay if you believe that things can improve. So, if you are in a friendship that you're like you know what, after listening to what you're saying and doing more reflecting and really looking at my friendship, I really think that there were some misunderstandings and really I think that we can resolve some of these issues and we don't really need to think about demoting at this moment. That's okay, because you might be saying you know what. Let's sit down at least and clear the misunderstandings, clear the issues let's talk about. The good thing is that if you were thinking of demoting and then you realize you know what, I really think it was a misunderstanding and it's not that serious or it's serious, but to the point where we still can salvage the best friendship and salvage or salvage the status of the friendship, that's very close, then go for it right, but still have the conversation with your friend.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 36:20

Don't leave your friend in the dark. That's what happened to me eight years ago. Which was so traumatic was that a former best friend really left me in the dark and at the worst of times because I was grieving the loss of a sister. So if you find that the relationship is not working, the friendship there's parts of the friendships that's not working, or those are the parts that are so instrumental in you continuing to have the closeness. Have the conversations right. It doesn't matter if the person is grieving or not.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 36:57

If this person is significant to you and they're noticing that you're pulling away, you're hurting them. Even with you ignoring them, you're already causing them to feel inadequate. You're already causing them to feel your absence. So why not take this opportunity and say you know what? Let's have a sit down, let's talk. These same tips work also if you're dating or in a romantic relationship, because it's human beings, right. So it's you really taking the time to really look at and say where are we in our relationship and, more importantly, you have to take control of what you want. Now some of us put the other person first and say I don't want to hurt their feelings. They're in distress, I don't want.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 37:42

You know you can't sustain that for long because you're really hurting yourself as you do that, the more you leave people in the dark and also you act like everything's fine and you try to sweep it under the rug. It will come out in the most inappropriate times but it will, and people do sense. I don't know if you ever had a friend that you and that friend know each other so well and you go hang out and you're like something's off. The person has pulled back a little bit. You sense it. Now you're a little awkward when you're out to dinner and you go back home and you tell whoever you live with or another friend, I don't know, something was off with my or something was off with my friend. I don't know what it was, but we were not. You know, vibing the same Energy doesn't lie. That is really. Sometimes we don't speak, but our energy, our body, our gestures right, they tell the story even louder that maybe I'm upset with you, but you don't want to tell the person. So I say do your best to have private conversations when you can and express how you're feeling.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 38:57

So I hope that these tips really help you to evaluate where you're at in your friendships. And if you are considering demoting a friend, a friendship, please do it with kindness and care. Right, because when it comes to demoting a friend, it's so important to remember that this doesn't really mean that it is completely the end of the friendship, right? Instead, it may really involve reducing the emotional time that you spend, the emotional investment, right. It might be redefining boundaries, right, but it's so important, it's so important for you to be aware of the certain signs in friendships, right, that may be negative and a one-sided effort. Right, and disrespect, unresolved conflicts, things that are happening that you're like. This is not. You know, I don't accept this and I really want to talk with my friend about the friendship. The friendship is not at the level that it used to be and I'm not receiving what I really want in this friendship, right.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 40:05

So it might not be to end the friendship, but it may be that the friendship has to be demoted by your choice, right, and it is your choice, only right, for you to do that. Now, you may be in the other side where someone decides to demote you, and that's a whole other conversation of how you feel when that happens and I've been a person that has been on the other end and, like I said, I believe that it can be painful and it's sad and all of that and it can feel very uncomfortable. But when it's done with love and care, right, it really doesn't do the same damage as when somebody goes to you or when someone Speaks very ill to you as they're demoting you or as they're xing you out. I mean cancelling, you know, completely ending the friendship in a very, in a very disrespectful way, right. When people are cursing at each other or whatever the case might be, using foul language and just Getting out of character, like we like, we like we say out of pocket, right, they start acting out of pocket. That could be very painful, right. But when you have these mature sit-downs, as uncomfortable as they can be, they can really lend themselves to have a different type of friendship, but one that still could be fun and loving and kind.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 41:30

And some people I've heard stories of people and I've had myself One where you may have a friendship that was a friendship and then you parted ways. Maybe there was some misunderstandings, hurt, mishandling, anything that you want to call as something being detrimental to the ending not the ending of the friendship, but the friendship separating. And then there's a rekindle and all of a sudden, through the years, there's working on the friendship and then guess what? They become best friends. That happened to me and that's a beautiful thing.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 42:02

So don't give up on friendships, but really consider when you're at in the friendships and for you to also be honest. How are you as a friend? Because we all, from time to time, also may for short, for we all from time to time may short. We all, from time to time, may make mistakes, we may fall short, but it's important to be honest in the relationships. Okay, so, ultimately, the decision really is up to you and you have to know what feels right for you and for your Well-being. Okay, that's super important. What is ultimately good for you and I don't mean it from a way for you to be rude or for you to be dismissing of your friends needs and and feelings. However, it's very important, in you making this decision of demoting a friendship, for you to really look at what are your needs, what is right for you? Okay, so quick tech takeaways. I hope that this has been so helpful, quick takeaways.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 43:13

Always remember to Always remember to give importance to yourself, to know that your feelings are valid and to know what you need. Recognize what is the negative, the negativity that you're seeing or feeling in the friendship. Is it one-sided? Is a disrespect right? Is it consistently unresolved conflicts? Make sure that you prioritize your well-being, your own mental health and emotional health right. Understand that demoting a friend may involve really you redefining boundaries, so you don't necessarily have to end the friendship, but you might want to re-evaluate what those boundaries are right. And lastly, and it's so important, if you need guidance. I do Believe that if you are experiencing emotional distress, if this has taken a toll on you because it's so, you know it's been very difficult and you're feeling overwhelmed. Plus, you have other items that are weighing on your mind, other issues that may be weighing on your mind I Really recommend for you to seek guidance from a professional so you can get the support and clarity in making this decision.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 44:25

Okay, because it's very important and demoting a friendship can be Very complicated. It's a complicated decision and it's important for you to be aware of the signs and, at the same time, be aware of Yourself. Right, have resilience within you to make the right decision for you. You have to prioritize your well-being, your mental health, right, and you also want to make sure that You're happy in the, in these friendships right, and for the other person, give them an opportunity to also express how they're feeling in the friendship right, and then you can come to an agreement, or you may come to terms that you are demoting the person right, whether they agree or they don't. That's what your decision, that's what your decision will be, and you can talk about that in a healthy way. It doesn't have to be petty. You don't have to write disrespect your friend as you do this. Just take your time and I hope that these tips really help you in Making this important decision for yourself.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 45:34

And if you find that you don't need to demote your friend right, don't do things that are unnecessary.

Smilie Filomeno Rodriguez: 45:40

If you feel that there's there's a room for amendment, Do. If you feel that there's room for improvement and that they're showing you the improvement, then you know, move forward with new boundaries still, but you're still in in the, in the realm of the intimacy and the closeness that you already have and Hopefully it will get better and you don't need to demote them, right, or sometimes you you may not need to end the relationship as well. So I hope that you have the best and the best of time in your life. I hope that you're able to make this decision for yourself and that you find peace and solace in whatever that decision is for you, and I hope that the other person Receives it with love and care as well and that they can also come to a resolution themselves and Both parties can be at peace and have a good Friendship, in whatever level that may be, and I hope that these tips helped you till next time. This is your coach. Smiley signing out. Remember to always take care of yourself and of each other Besitos.