Ep. 30 Navigating Friendship Breakups: Strategies to Overcome Confusion and Loneliness After Being Ghosted by a Best Friend

Friendship breakups can significantly impact our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. In this episode, I will take you on a personal journey of dealing with the emotional aftermath of a friendship breakup. I will share my experiences of being ghosted and the resulting heartache, confusion, and loneliness that followed. 

Together, we will explore practical strategies such as managing time, setting clear boundaries, and processing emotions. We will demystify the healing process and discuss the significance of self-care and having a support network around you - especially when those closest to you may not understand the intensity of your feelings. 

As we conclude our discussion, we will focus on how to help others experiencing similar struggles. We will emphasize the importance of clear communication, expressing our needs, and sharing our experiences to foster understanding and compassion. Please remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your strength. You are not alone in this journey; no friendship breakup should leave you stranded and alone. Tune in to navigate this path toward healing together. You got this! I hope you take good care of yourself. xo - Smilie 

Disclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only and should not substitute for therapy. We recommend you seek help from a trained professional for your specific situation.

Q&A: What are Your Thoughts on This Episode? Please message us at contact@smilieempowerment.com

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hola, vos Chica. Welcome to the Smiley Empowerment Podcast. This is where we celebrate the strength, resilience and determination of Latina women and all women who are constantly on the go, pushing through challenges and achieving their goals. I like to call these women Vos Chica, like me, if you're a busy woman ready to be uplifted, inspired, empowered to take charge of your healing journey and be a Vos Chica, you've come to the right place. We can all agree, life can be hectic and overwhelming, but anything is possible with the right mindset, attitude, tools and support. Let me introduce myself.

Speaker 1: 0:46

My name is Smiley Filomenos Rodriguez and I am a Latina Life Empowerment coach and a social worker. I started this podcast because I know what feeling alone and overwhelmed with past wounds and challenges feel like. I want to help you with self-discovery, self-love and self-empowerment so you can grow and thrive. Do you sometimes feel alone, de siente sola? Well, you're not alone. No está sola. You have me, your coach, smiley. In each episode, I'll share personal stories of resilience, healing tips, practical advice, strategies for managing your time and priorities for improving your relationship with yourself and others, and insights on cultivating a positive and fulfilling joyful life. So grab your earbuds and tea or coffee, take a deep breath and get ready to be inspired and encouraged. Let's begin this journey together and empower each other to become the best versions of our lives. Let's get started. You got this.

Speaker 2: 2:08

Hello, mi boss, chica, and my beautiful listeners, I have to say at the top of this episode that this could be triggering. So if you are by any chance triggered by this episode, please pause, take care of yourself and you could come back to it when you are better, in a better space. And remember, if you ever feel in a lot of distress, continuously feeling sad, and it's really influencing or impacting your ability to do your day-to-day tasks, please seek professional help from a mental health professional. There's no shame in that. Okay, now, I don't know about you, but in my lifetime I've experienced about three times a breakup of a former best friend, and all three were different. One of them was completely something that I didn't even see coming at all, and those are the worst when you, when you didn't see, I guess, the signs that something was wrong, and all of a sudden that friend, your go-to person, ghosts you, and that can be extremely painful. So I want to talk a little bit about this and I have shared a bit on other episodes, just a bit but today I'm going to dedicate this episode to myself, to a special person that is in my community of smiley empowerment and actually reached out and shared a little bit more about their experience. That is very painful and I thought what better way than to support my community, my friends, anyone who's listening to me that is experiencing at this time, or even in the past few years. But they're experiencing this feeling of confusion and loneliness after being ghosted by their former best friend or friend. That is so painful and I know that at the time that I went through actually when one of my first former best friends ghosted me many, many years ago at the time I didn't know all of this about friendship breakup. There wasn't books that I knew about, it wasn't something popular as life went on and it happened again. Right In the last two times, what I realized is that now, in recent times, more people are talking about friendship breakups and they're giving it the importance and the significance that it deserves.

Speaker 2: 4:45

Right, and I want to share a little bit about research. Right, because when I was going through this, especially in the first best friendship breakup, I didn't know why I felt so devastated. Right, because, at first of all, I'm in a beautiful, loving marriage, right, relationship and I was thinking but if me and my husband are fine, why am I so devastated? Why do I feel so bent out of shape? Why do I feel like if my heart was ripped out of my chest? And I know people around me felt like, okay, it happened, let's try to get distracted. And a lot of folks around me just also felt like it's a significant thing that happened. They didn't really understand the gravity of what occurred because there was no place for them to match it to, because to them, when someone gets a divorce right, that's major. That's major. That's something that people come to your rescue and they help you. But at that time, when I had that first friendship breakup, people around me felt like, okay, we're going to give you a little bit of time, very short time, and now you have to move on, because life is short and you have to move on. And that statement is true. However, to the devastation that I felt, that my heart was ripped out of my chest, they couldn't understand that.

Speaker 2: 6:14

Let me share a little bit about what researchers are saying about friendship breakups. So researchers have shown that friendship breakups, especially among women, can have a range of emotional, psychological and social impacts. Various studies and literature have explored this topic and provided insights into the following aspects. So the article that I've read provided information on emotional impact, the importance of friendships and the self-care piece. Right Researchers found that there is an emotional impact in friendship breakups and that it can really be emotionally challenging and can trigger feelings of sadness, grief and loss similar to those experienced after ending a romantic relationship. And they also speak about the importance of friendships. Right Researchers consistently emphasize the importance of female friendships. They provide emotional support, companionship and a sense of belonging. So losing a close friend can be particularly challenging. Experiencing the end of a friendship can be emotionally draining, especially when being ghosted by a best friend. So coping with the confusion and the loneliness requires time and self-care.

Speaker 2: 7:33

Now, when I read this, I was like where was this when a former best friend ghosted me? I'm like I needed. I needed to understand better what I was experiencing, because I myself didn't understand why I felt the intensity of grief and why did I feel so sad, to the point where it was depressive, because it went for a long time and it didn't interfere with my day-to-day living, meaning going to work. I was very distracted. I used to cry in my office by myself and it was just something like it felt like a breakup of. You know, the breaking up of a boyfriend and girlfriend breaking up of a romantic relationship, and this is not rare. It's actually very, very common, and at the time I didn't know that. So that's why I'm taking the time today to really unpack a little bit about what can you do and I wanna address those that are in this situation right now.

Speaker 2: 8:40

If you are experiencing that your best friend ghosted you or you had a friendship breakup, it doesn't matter if it was a year ago or just happened last week or a few months ago. I want you to pay close attention to what I have to say and share, because you're not alone. You are not alone and it takes a lot of time, okay, to heal. And in that healing journey you're not alone, and those that are with you in your support team and your support group may feel confused. They may not understand the gravity of what you're feeling. So if you wanna share this podcast episode with them, it would be great, because sometimes our friends and family, when they're dealing with us when we've had a loss, that in itself is hard.

Speaker 2: 9:33

Grieving is difficult. The loss of a loved one is very difficult. However, I think some individuals have a hard time when it's a friendship breakup, because many people in society don't give friendship breakups the importance that it requires the attention. So sometimes they want you to move pretty quickly through the healing, not understanding the gravity of it, because they're saying that's not your boyfriend, that's not your husband, that's not your life partner.

Speaker 2: 10:05

What's wrong with you? You can find a new friend right away, or you could find a new friend easily. And it's not about finding another friend easily. It's about the person that you just lost, right, that person that understood you, that person that helped you through many difficult times. And I have to share that. My husband is so supportive. I come from a supportive family, right, I have supportive friends, but the loss of my best friendships that I've had each individual, they were so significant for me. I do now, you know, for many years now I do have a best friend. Shout out to my bestie girl if she's listening, and it's something that is so beautiful. However, I had to learn that I can't replace anyone. Everyone is a different person and brings in your season, brings joy and happiness and all of the experience individually.

Speaker 2: 11:05

So one of the things that I did not do right, one of the many things as I was healing, and I'm gonna talk more about the best friendship breakup, which I would say. This person ghosted me towards the end of, I guess, our friendship ending and there was no specific argument. That's what makes it harder, because there was nothing specific where we argued and there was a big fallout and then we tried to rekindle. No, it's like I didn't see the signs and I don't wanna go too much deep into, because I already figured out to some degree what I think happened, but I don't want to publicly talk about that aspect because it's not so important as to why it happened. More important is how I dealt with it, the things that I did wrong on my part because I wanna be accountable for me and what I could have done different, and now, what I do different in my friendships, and also what I can share with you, my boss Chica, and my fellow listeners. Right, I can share now with you my lessons, what I didn't do so well that maybe you are also not doing so well, or maybe I could prevent you from doing things in a way that maybe can cause you more harm than good. So that's why I'm doing this episode and remember nothing that I share here with you.

Speaker 2: 12:32

Even though I'm a mental health professional and I'm a life coach. I'm a social worker with many years of experience. I am not your therapist, so this is more of me giving you suggestions and being here as a coach for you. I'm not replacing your therapist. I am not in the role of a therapist right now, but I do want you to know that if you need to go to counseling and therapy to discuss and really unpack and learn a little more about yourself and how you can get through this with your friendship breakup, there's no shame in going to therapy to talk about your friendship breakup. I think people also think like oh, you can only go to therapy for big events or something very significant, but not to talk about your friendship breakup. No, that's a very good reason to go to therapy and unpack it with a therapist. You can also hire a coach like myself to help you. But, more importantly, you also can get the self-help with books and listening to podcasts, such as mine episodes that talk about this and talking among yourselves of the experiences.

Speaker 2: 13:39

Right, because when we are with one another, we learn and grow and it's great to have a growth mindset, but when you are healing and you're in a lot of pain, sometimes many of us cannot see ourselves in a growth mindset. We're more in a doom mindset. Right, we're in the blaming. What did I do wrong? So I want to talk about where I was and how did I heal from the significant loss of a friendship.

Speaker 2: 14:09

And being ghosted by a best friend is a horrible feeling. I don't wish that on anyone. So let's talk a little bit more about what are some ways that you can really empower yourself as you are coping with the feelings of loneliness, missing that person. Perhaps you're feeling confused because you don't know what happened exactly. Sometimes there's no goodbye said, right when the person has ghosted you, your best friend, and that really hurts. And I think that when, when folks ghost people, sometimes there's reasons to go someone. If you are being harmed, there's a threat to you being harmed. I by all means, if you have to get out of a situation without saying goodbye, because it really is a dangerous situations, please do that. But I'm speaking more about friendships that there's nothing that was harming in the sense of life, threatening, no abuse, right, where an individual feels like they don't have for whatever the reason, they don't want to face you to say, hey, I think that I'm not happy in this situation, or I want to maybe demote and sometimes it's also about demoting from best friend to maybe a close friend or I want to completely end this relationship. That's hard to do. It takes courage and maturity, but when you ghost someone like that without the person understanding, it's a horrible thing.

Speaker 2: 15:44

What I experienced at that time was horrific. It was very painful. I did a lot of blaming myself in the sense that because I couldn't understand why, and at the time I was also in a lot of raw pain because a sister friend of mine that passed away with cancer. So at the same time that I was dealing with that, then my former best friend was in and out of my life just in a way that it was so strange and periods of ghosting me without me understanding, to eventually there was no friendship left. But we never had a conversation about why that happened. And at the same time I was grieving. So you might be grieving the loss of another family member or grieving something else, and when it's a combination of that person, that's your person, who also kind of puts you in a place where now you're grieving them because they ghosted you. That is a very painful place to be and when I was in that place.

Speaker 2: 16:42

I didn't have the support of professionals because I didn't go to therapy for it and, I have to admit, at the time I felt like this is not something that I want to bring into therapy. I kind of felt, I guess, embarrassed because I didn't understand what happened and then I was thinking am I being overly sensitive, like what's going on? But what I can share with you is that if you are going through this at this time, I want you to make sure that you are taking care of yourself and understand that you possibly are in the grieving process because you got to allow yourself to grieve and mourn the loss, right? So I want to share with you a few strategies that I'm going to be very transparent. These strategies that I'm sharing with you, most of them I did not know about to do for myself. So I think my healing took longer because I didn't have the proper tools and, mind you, I myself am a mental health professional, I'm a life coach.

Speaker 2: 17:46

I wasn't able to understand what was happening because I was so shocked that I was ghosted and I just couldn't even understand what happened, right? And when you're left like that, that is so painful because what you start to do, the brain has to come up with answers automatically, right? So when you don't give your brain, when your mind doesn't give your brain like information in the sense, this is the logic. This is why this happened. What the brain does is it will give you a narrative. So I didn't have a narrative, so my brain started giving me different scenarios Every day. I was telling myself different stories, like it was because of this, it was because of that. They all stem from me feeling like something was wrong with me then, because why is this happening again to me?

Speaker 2: 18:38

So the strategies that I'm going to share with you now are ones that I learned after the fact, right Way after, and it really has helped me in my healing journey. But I feel like, wow, why didn't I know this before? But I think that now we're in the times where we're speaking more about friendship breakups and there's more articles written about it and more books coming out, and there's friendship coaches out there now. So if you're going through this, you're not alone. I'm glad you're listening to this episode, so let me share some strategies, and these strategies Listen, everything has its purpose, and now I can talk about it and share it with you and hopefully give you some type of hope and feeling that you're not alone and support.

Speaker 2: 19:30

So one of the strategies that I want to share with you is that. Number one allow yourself to mourn and validate your own feelings, and that looks like, you know, accepting your feelings, being able to, with yourself, say, yes, I am sad. Right, it's okay to feel hurt, it's okay to feel confused and sad. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the friendship, and I wasn't able to do that and it prolonged my healing because of that. So that's the first thing that I want you to know. The first strategy right, allow yourself to mourn and validate your own feelings. It's okay to be sad.

Speaker 2: 20:09

Number two I want you to really look at your relationships that you have, right, and that could be your family, your friends, existing friends. I want you to strengthen those connections by spending time with your loved ones, right, Seeking their support. So that's why I really am a big advocate for family members and friends to educate themselves, too on friendship breakups. What do they mean, what do they look like, right, what feelings come up for your loved one? Because the more our support system is educated about what we might be experiencing, then they can lend themselves in a more productive, caring way. And no one is perfect, right? So understand that None of us are perfect. None of us have all the answers. Sometimes we don't know what to say and sometimes, when you don't know what to say, the best thing is not to say anything and maybe just give or for a hug or send flowers, right? Sometimes we have to be mindful that we can't fix our loved one right away or fix them at all. We have to give them time and grace. So that's for people that are our supporters out there.

Speaker 2: 21:21

But in the second strategy, right, I'm emphasizing for you to stay connected with your loved ones and open up a little bit to them, right, open up as you can be vulnerable so they can know a little bit of where you're at and they can help you as best as they can. So share your feelings and right and seek the support from those who care about you. I would say, be very mindful who. You open up to your vulnerability, because some of your friends or support group they may be experiencing something at the time and they're not available to be more vulnerable with you or to be there with you. Some you may have a friend who's awkward or feels awkward around you. When you're crying or when you are too emotional, they don't know what to say and then they say things that seem cold to you or too funny and it might not sit well with you. So just be mindful of that right. But you might have a person that you say you know what and I open up to this person. For the most part they know how to handle my heart and I'm very big on that. I quickly shut down with anyone when I sense that they don't handle my heart properly at the time right. And that's important for you to know who are the people that can manage and help you with your feelings. And sometimes that friend that usually is is not because they're going through their own. So just have some grace over your friends and your people that are supporting you, but be a little open with those that you can, okay, those that care about you and that are available to you.

Speaker 2: 22:59

Number three keep a journal. It's so important and these are the things that I did not do. I wasn't even aware of it. I was shutting down, so I really didn't strengthen the existing connections that I had. I actually isolated and it was pretty bad. So in number three, I I also lack to do this, but I want you to keep a journal.

Speaker 2: 23:22

If you can write down your thoughts, there's something very powerful of putting your emotions on paper right. That can really help you to process your feelings and you can really gain a lot of clarity. And what's good about when you're writing down your thoughts is that you can go back to them over time and you can track your emotional progress Right. So you can see that maybe from one week to the other you can see where you were at with your mindset, what were you feeling, right. So you don't have to have proper grammar, nobody's going to look at that, it's just for you. You can jot down whatever you want to put down in that paper. You don't even have to write linear. You can make you know, you can draw, you can write. You could just be very expressive in a creative way with your journal and then you can look at it at a week's time, look back and reflect and see in a in the progress of of time you can see how you're doing Right.

Speaker 2: 24:24

And sometimes your journals are great that when, if you ever seek professional help, like from a mental health professional, from a therapist, you could bring your journal and it gives you a great way to start in those first sessions that may feel awkward with us. You know, when you're with a therapist and they're like, what brings you here and you're like, oh my God, where do I start? But if you've been keeping a journal, it helps also, so that's another good reason to keep a journal. Okay, number four is what I was just speaking about. Right, really think about. If you want to share a little bit more about what you're feeling and having a better understanding of what your emotions mean and what's happening at this time within you, because you may be feeling very lost, a lot of emotions it's great to seek professional help right From a therapist or a counselor. So if you need that, take advantage. If you can, you know, get a therapist, a counselor, because they can really offer you some valuable insights and coping strategies to help you right To express your emotions and in a space that will feel safe and also you may not feel like you're a burden, right, or you may not feel like, oh my God, I don't know if this person is going to share it with my family. What I said, I mean, you know it's confidential. You see them maybe once a week. You know that they're not going to share whatever you share there. So, having a professional therapist or counselor, it's a good place to start unpacking what you're feeling. So I ask that you consider that you don't have to, but it's something to think about, okay.

Speaker 2: 26:08

Number five, it's to prioritize your self-care. While you're going through this grief of your friendship breakup, you may feel that you don't want to do anything at times. Right, you may feel that you don't want to engage in activities, you don't want to see anybody, and it depends where you're at. Right, because the friendship breakup you go through different stages, right, but very early on, you might be in shock, right, if you were ghosted, very confused, you may fall into a deep sadness that may extend over a period of time, and then you're feeling depressed. So really prioritize your self-care, right, so you can maintain yourself in a better space in the sense of taking care of yourself, making sure that your mental health you're taking care of it as well but also that your overall well-being is okay. So take care of yourself by engaging in different activities. Right, you can really go for walks. You can do some meditation. Right, you can read books, self-help books, or you may want to be distracted and you want to read a novel, pick up on some hobbies, right. But all of these activities that you can consider, I want you to really do, activities that bring you joy, that bring you a sense of peace, that bring you relaxation. So I want you to think about what type of activities you engage in or you want to engage in if it's new, but that they will produce this feeling of inner joy, right. And that they really put you at ease, where you feel calm and you feel at peace in these activities. So really think about that, okay.

Speaker 2: 27:54

Now the sixth strategy that I have for you is to really take time. You see that this one is further down on the list. It's not because it's not important, it's just because I want you first to take care of yourself, self-care, see if you need some type of mental health help with a therapist or a counselor, right. I want you to really take care of yourself first, because once you do that, you might be ready for strategy number six, and that is to reflect on the friendship, right? I want you to spend some time when you are ready, to try to analyze and understand the dynamic of the friendship, of that relationship that has ended or you were ghosted. I want you to reflect on what did you gain from the experience and the relationship and what did you learn. This is very important because this can help you to provide you with your own closure right, and it helps you to move in the direction of what Forward. So I want you to take time to reflect on the dynamic of the friendship, on you really looking at okay, what did I learn? What were the lessons here for me? So see how I say lessons.

Speaker 2: 29:15

It's not that you are to be blamed and it's not about saying blaming one another. It's more about you going within and thinking about what did you learn? What experience did this friendship in the season that it lasted? What did it offer you? Right? That's so, so important and I want you to really think about that because I know that when I went through my situation that I shared about my former best friend ghosting me and me not understanding what was happening, why and you know what people do drift apart and all of that but it was just very odd the timing and I just didn't get it. But one thing I learned was that I had to work on myself. Right, I had to work on me and I had to take time to accept what happened and not blame myself right away to it must have been something that I did, so reflecting on the friendship.

Speaker 2: 30:23

I don't want you to take the reflection in a way that it's that you're gonna find fault in you. I want you to look at the relationship itself and I want you to reflect on what did you gain and what did you learn from that relationship, because when we are able to look at what did we gain and what did we learn, it helps us to navigate through what we lost, because I know in life it's all about losing and winning right and gaining, and sometimes we lose things to make room for something new, and when we are grieving, we can't see that because we may not be able to see past what's in front of us, which is the pain that we feel losing that person. So I want you to really explore what were the lessons within the friendship. It's so, so important, and I also wanna give you this last strategy. Okay, this strategy is very important and it's another one that I also failed to do in my healing journey at the time, and I'm so happy that now I've learned it and I can teach it and I can share it with you and I can offer a lot of support around this.

Speaker 2: 31:47

And that is number seven. I want you to establish clear boundaries with your former friend, because for some of you, you may still be in contact with that friend. Others have been ghosted and the friend is nowhere to be found. That is different, but you still have to set clear boundaries. So if you are still in the friendship because some best friendships have been demoted, right From best friendship to friend by definition so I want you to establish clear boundaries with your former friend so you can really define what you need from the relationship moving forward. Or if you need to decide to maintain a distance, right, but you need to establish very clear boundaries that are yours, right, and you have to keep them.

Speaker 2: 32:34

So if you were ghosted by a friend, a best friend or friend, and you're no longer, are connected, meaning you're no longer seeing them, I still want you to focus on establishing clear boundaries for yourself, because if you go into new friendships or the existing friendships that you have at this moment, you're very vulnerable and you would be surprised that when we're very vulnerable, even with our existing friendships, other friends, we may act a little different, right, some of us may isolate, others might be too connected to fragile and needy with other friends. So I want you to really focus on establishing very clear boundaries that talk about and hold very true what you need and many of us in our friendships, whether the former friendships or the friendships that we have currently we don't speak about what we need with each other. Right and I'm always speaking about this that we have to let people know what we need, and that is something that have not perfected that for myself, because there are times that I don't express what I really need because we avoid, we don't want to seem too needy, we don't want to seem, we want to be liked. We don't want people to be like oh my God, you're so picky, you're so sensitive or anything like that. But what I've learned is that when we don't share of what we need in the relationship and we don't have clear boundaries that support that, what happens is that the other individual is not a mind reader and they may act a certain way that doesn't please you, but at the same time, they didn't know and as much as you have a bestie that knows you're in and out. There's always room for interpretation and we change and we evolve through a period of time, so no one stays the same, and sometimes even your bestie of bestie that all is good. There might be things happening that you don't even realize that her need has changed and she may not realize that your needs have changed through a course of time. So the more clear we are in expressing what we need and setting those boundaries and actually acting up upon them, keeping them nice and tight, the more that we do that, the better the relationships are and we can really continue to practice and live in harmony and in healthy relationships. No relationship is perfect. No friendship is perfect. However, there's something different from a healthy relationship to one that starts becoming sour and toxic, and sometimes we don't see the red flags. Sometimes we see them but we ignore them. Other times we just are blindsided. But all in all, it's painful and One of the things that also got me through is my faith.

Speaker 2: 35:33

So I don't put that as a strategy, because I don't consider it a strategy, but my practice right and my spiritual belief everybody has their own, but that also helped me because I was able to many times pray and be very focused and intentional about what I was praying about and I think that for a long time that was my substance right. That really kept me, because, unfortunately, my friends and family and I say unfortunately because at the time they really didn't have a lot of understanding also about friendship breakups and I didn't go to therapy for it. So I really was. I felt very lonely, even though I had a lot of love around me, but I felt misunderstood or I felt at times that I needed to move on from this feeling and Be okay, so everybody could be okay as well. And I realized that I wasn't and especially that I had a double, a double Whammy in the sense that I call it. It was a double grief, because there I was burying my sister friend and at the same time I was losing the friendship as it existed of my former best friend, without understanding why that was so traumatic. That was extremely difficult. So I hope that these strategies and a little bit of what I shared I help. I hope that it's it will help you and and give yourself grace and credit right for being a good person, for Allowing yourself to be vulnerable with that other person.

Speaker 2: 37:11

I imagine that if you had a best friendship, it was for a reason, and there was some remarkable great years and there was so much good stuff. Whatever happened in that other person's mindset, or Whatever they were going through whether it was on their own or influenced by others or whatever the case might be that was their decision. A poor one, I would say, because when someone right doesn't sit to speak or at least have some type of Communication, that there that's some poor communication, right, but they did it and the result of that is that you got hurt and possibly they may be hurt as well. I don't know. It would be interesting to speak to someone that has ghosted someone and then felt like Listen, this is why I did it, or at the time, I didn't even understand it myself. It would be great. But from the perspective of Myself being ghosted because I've never done that to an individual from my perspective and the perspective of so many people that I've spoken to and and that have experienced this, it's so painful and it really hurts and it takes a lot of time. So give yourself grace, give yourself patience.

Speaker 2: 38:27

Don't rush the healing process. I think that was another aspect of my healing many years ago when I was going through this. I was trying to rush through it, one because I didn't want to feel the pain anymore and Two because I felt the people around me were already anxious for me to to be okay. One because they love me and they didn't want to see me in so much pain, and two because they were uncomfortable because they didn't. They themselves didn't have a lot of knowledge about friendship breakups and it was hard to cope with that in China. Support me, and I understand that now.

Speaker 2: 39:00

Back then I at times I was upset about it because I felt very lonely, but as I look back, I understand that I didn't have a lot of understanding about what happened and what were the elements of a friendship breakup and what did it mean for me. And you may be experiencing the same thing not understanding your feelings, not understanding why it's taking, taking you a long period of time to heal. So give yourself time and grace. And for those that are supporting you that is great that they're there for you continue leaning in on those that can be supportive. And for those that are supporting, please know that it takes time and that a friendship breakup is just as devastating as a romantic breakup, and I've even had clients that have shared that their best friendship breakup hurt more than breaking up with a boyfriend. Or at times there's people that have said my best friendship breakup was more painful than my divorce and I know some people say, really how could that be? But it's the intensity in the type of relationship, the dynamic of the of the relationship. There's so much emotional support, especially in women friendships, that when that's taken away and actually ripped away, when you don't know why, when you don't have an understanding, it's very traumatic and it's very hurtful. So there's a lot of research to this. I hope that this episode Brings a lot of support for you.

Speaker 2: 40:38

I wouldn't say closure, because the closure process is yours. You have to give yourself that and that will require you first going through the pain and Going through the self-exploration of that friendship, of that relationship. What did you learn from it that will allow you to give yourself the closure? Don't wait for that person to have the conversation to ask why did you do this? Sometimes there's nowhere to be found. They're not ready to speak even after you speak to them. I can share that. You may speak with your former best friend, maybe a year from now, or you may have a sit down and sometimes you still don't have the answers that you would want to hear. So take control of your own closure by working on yourself and Be open when you are ready for new friendships and I say this Very clearly because some of us want to rush to find new friendships right To kind of ease the pain and as a replacement.

Speaker 2: 41:47

But I would say, give yourself time. But when you do feel ready, because some people are more ready earlier on than not in their healing journey. But when you do feel a connection with someone, follow your intuition right. And if you're a person of faith and you've been praying for connections, you've been praying for new people that are coming to elevate you, to share, to have harmony, to share in joy and peace and not drama. And then God listens and provides that connection by some strange way. Maybe you meet someone in the most odd way but know that that was orchestrated divinely.

Speaker 2: 42:32

That's my belief. You don't have to believe the same, but for those that may share in this belief or wanna consider it, just consider being open to new friendships. You don't have to rush it. And when they do come, understand that they are unique. So don't compare them to your former best friend. Okay, everybody brings something different and new. And remember, as we let go of the old, as we purge, right All these feelings that we may be feeling, as we purge, as we heal in our journey, then, as we're clearing, we're making way for the new that's coming into your life Just the new that's coming, and there might be a time where you can get excited about that, right, I would encourage you to visualize that and get excited about what's coming new in your new chapter and be grateful for what you had with that person. The good times were good, right, so cherish that, those memories.

Speaker 2: 43:37

But you have to go through the pain first, and for some of you also, there might be anger and you have to go through that. Don't try to forward yourself into feeling better and all of a sudden you turn into someone that's very bitter because you didn't work through the emotions of sadness, the emotions of anger, because you feel that it was not fair. Right, allow yourself to feel that. Give it its place, work through it, do your journaling, seek help, get support and work through it. Give it yourself time and when you come out on the other side, I promise you you're gonna be a better person for it. So I hope that you found value.

Speaker 2: 44:21

Let me know how you like this episode. Share it with loved ones, because even if the person is not going through this, in listening to what it means to have a friendship breakup, or listening to the tips and the strategies, they can be themselves a better support to you and for you. My dear, know that this too shall pass and you are an overcomer and you will see better days ahead. So take good care of yourself and of each other and until next time, keep smiling, because the smile helps you to get through those hard days. I know sometimes we don't wanna smile, but try your best to smile, because life is too short. You only live once. We must not dwell on the past, but just be very, very hopeful that we're gonna see a better day. So this is your coach Smiley signing out. Take good care of yourself, like I said before, and I'll catch you in the next one, besitos lure.