Central Lutheran Church - Elk River
Central Lutheran Church - Elk River
The True Self vs. False Self: Discovering Who You Really Are {Reflections}
Have you ever been caught off guard by the seemingly simple question: "Who are you?" For many of us, we instinctively respond with what we do—our jobs, roles, or accomplishments. But what happens when those external identifiers are stripped away? Who remains?
This episode delves into the transformative concept of the "true self" versus the "false self"—a framework championed by spiritual writers Thomas Merton, Richard Rohr, Henri Nouwen, and Brennan Manning. We explore how our false selves emerge as survival mechanisms, often constructed during vulnerable periods like middle school, when fitting in felt essential. These constructed identities—what Manning calls "the imposter"—may have served us then, but as adults, they often become limitations rather than protections.
Your true self exists beneath these constructs—it's what Rohr describes as "your identity in God, your soul at rest." It's not something you achieve but something you already are. This authentic identity isn't tied to achievements, possessions, or others' opinions of you. The journey toward living from this place involves compassionately acknowledging your false self's protective purpose while gently moving it from the center of your identity. This integration allows your authentic, untethered self to emerge—the "free person in the world" that Manning describes.
The world desperately needs people living from their true selves. When we operate from our false identities, others never truly know us; they only know our masks. But when we dare to live authentically, we create space for others to do the same. Take a moment today to reflect: Who are you beyond all your attachments, insecurities, and performances? That's the person the world is waiting to meet. Share this episode with someone who might need this message of freedom and authenticity today.
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What is up everybody? Hey, my name is Ryan and welcome to our Reflections podcast. And if I were to ask you, if I were to really ask you, hey, who are you? I would love. I mean, I wonder how you would respond. Or how would you respond?
Speaker 1:I think for a lot of us it's a tough question because it's hard to know who we are. And if you haven't noticed, I mean many people in our culture today will say they'll respond by saying what they do, and that's part of who they are, for sure, it's no doubt. But there's also a part like a self, a them. You know, that's deeper than just what they do, because certainly, I'm a pastor. And if they just said, hey, who are you, who are you? And I always responded by saying, oh, I'm a pastor. Well, what if one day I stop being a pastor? Does that mean I'm no longer me? Who am I if those things are removed? And I've thought about this a lot, like who are you, who am I and who are we really? And the truest, most sincere, like stripped down version of who we are. And there are these several authors that I found maybe I don't know 15 years ago that talk about this and they're just wonderful. And this is I want to introduce you to like if you haven't heard it yet, many of you probably already have but this idea of the true self versus the false self. And there's these four authors. There's many people that write about this but that talk about it, and I want to explain it because this has been one of the most meaningful and profound paradigms or frameworks for me to think about.
Speaker 1:When I think about who am I? Because there's a part of me that I present to the masses. And especially when you're younger, you do this and it's like it's sort of you could call it a mask, you could call it a front, you call it the false self. This is the false self and the false self is the you that's, it's part of you, but it's like the part of you that you only present to the world. And we create this false self usually when we're younger, as a way to survive. I think about like in middle school. When you're in middle school, you have to survive by like kind of constructing this false image of yourself that you present to the world. That kind of helps you fit in and survive, and fair enough, because middle school is tough. But when you grow older, that isn't really actually who you are and you don't really need that any longer. Because when you grow older, well, you might feel like you need it but you really don't. And the problem with the false self is it's not sincerely who you are and it isn't the you that God knows. And so there's the false self, which is the part you kind of present, and there's the true self, the truest part of you.
Speaker 1:Okay, so here's the thing. So here are the four authors Thomas Merton writes a lot about it, A guy called Richard Rohr, henry Nowen and then Brendan Manning, and they write about it. They're all kind of different, but they're all kind of the same too. But I love it. So here's some ways that they describe the true self. So Merton describes the true self as the self that exists in God and for God. It's untouched by illusion. It's the part of you that is like known by God, that doesn't have the false construct. Rohr says the true self is your identity in God, your soul at rest, not something you achieve, but something you already are and must awaken to. Your soul at rest, not something you achieve, but something you already are and must awaken to.
Speaker 1:Nouwen writes that the true self is the self that knows it is beloved by God, independent of success or failure. I love that. Manning says that the true self is the self that embraces grace and knows it's loved as is. So. It's the truest, deepest part. If I strip away everything from your job, what you're known for, you know the truest, deepest part. If I strip away everything from your job, what you're known for, you know that's the truest self that God knows, that is deeply rooted in kind of inside of you. Okay, so the false self. I've touched on it a bit, but the false self is this constructed identity that we build in order to get approval, to maybe maintain control, security or superiority. So Merton calls it the illusory self, or the one who wants to exist outside of the reach of God's love. Rohr describes it as this ego-driven identity your roles, your labels, your achievements, your defenses.
Speaker 1:Nouwen says that the self, it's the self that believes I am, what I do or what I have, or what others think about me or say about me, so your reputation. And Manning sees it as this imposter self. I love that word the imposter, afraid of being exposed and desperate to prove its worthiness. And I love it, because there are these parts of ourselves that we present to the world that are attached to what we do and what we think others think of us, and kind of a protection sort of around our true self, but those aren't really who you are.
Speaker 1:Now here's what you do, though. See, the reality is that's actually part of you. You don't want to reject it and kind of hold that part of you at arm's length or even sort of experience all the shame, because you notice the false self, because it actually is a part of who you are. What you do is you bring the false self in and you kind of help it understand that, hey, you were needed for a time and I appreciate you and all that you did to help me survive when I was younger or even as an adult, but I don't need to have you be front and center anymore. And so you bring it in and you welcome it and you kind of love it and you embrace it and help it know like, hey, we don't have to use you anymore.
Speaker 1:There's a part of us, the true self, that wants to be released into the world, that has to be released into the world, the part of us that is free, as I mentioned a couple of podcasts ago, this untethered person, like when Brandon Manning says, a free person in the world. That's the part of you that the world needs so desperately. And, if you notice, we have a bunch of folks around us operating out of their false selves. They're constantly talking about their job or their reputation or or whatever, and they're trying to prove their own worthiness, and the deepest truth in the universe is they are already loved by God. They don't have to do any more. They're already embraced and loved and Christ has already died for them. And so the reality is like let go of all those false self ideas and attachments and hooks, because you don't need them and others don't even know you because all they know is this false self.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, what I want to say is that I want to invite you today to experience and explore who are you. Who's the true you, aside from all your attachments or your insecurities or the parts you show the world to try to prove you're good enough or worthy enough? Or maybe you're the funny guy or the smart guy or the joke teller or the dancer or the whatever. Who are you aside from all of that? That's the part that we want to know so desperately that God wants to let free in the world. All right, peace. Love you guys. Hey, if you enjoy this show, I'd love to have you share it with some friends. And don't forget, you are always welcome to join us in person at Central in Elk River at 830, which is our liturgical gathering, or at 10 o'clock, our modern gathering, or you can check us out online at clcelkriverorg Peace.
