#138 - Go First {Reflections}

Most of us don’t need more information, we need a simple move that breaks the gridlock of hesitation. Today we’re leaning on a two-word rule for life that hits with surprising force: go first. Inspired by Gabrielle Reece (and the training-for-life mindset of Laird Hamilton), we talk about what happens when you stop waiting for the “right” moment and start choosing initiative on purpose.

We walk through everyday situations where going first feels awkward or risky, but pays off fast: saying hi to a stranger in the hallway, owning your part in an argument and apologizing first, asking for forgiveness before the story hardens, and taking the vulnerable step to tell someone you like them or love them. We also get practical about leadership habits that don’t require a title, like offering to pay, admitting you don’t know something, and becoming the first person to encourage someone with a real compliment.

Then we zoom out to the deeper why: going first is how we live from our values instead of living reactively. It helps us cut down on regret because life is shorter and less predictable than we think. And it’s contagious, because most people are quietly waiting for someone else to create the moment. If you want better relationships, healthier communication, stronger community, and a more resilient kind of joy, this is a small practice that can change the tone of your whole day.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend who needs a push, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What’s one place you’re going to go first today?

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Transcript

Admiration And Training For Life

SPEAKER_00 0:16

What is up everybody? Hey, this is Ryan, and welcome to our Reflections podcast. And listen, I got a couple of people in my life that I just admire from afar. They they might be considered like celebrity type people. I'm sure you have them too. Maybe you won't admit it. But I do. One of them is a guy called Laird Hamilton. He's an absolute beast. I love him. He's a big wave surfer. Probably many of you don't even know who that is, but he's actually probably in his, I think he's late 50s now, but big wave surfer. You know, he grew up on Hawaii and has a house in Malibu now and actually married a volleyball star from like the 90s, maybe the 80s, 90s, uh, Gabrielle Reese. Anyway, and they are like this incredible, you know, power couple in in uh in the world of nutrition and health and diet, whatever, all the things. But I just I love him because he is like a guy who just shows up for life. And you know, he's super into training and he helped helps other athletes in training, and that's always kind of fun and interesting. But people ask him, like, what are you training for? You know, as though you have to be training for a marathon or training for that. And he just goes, I'm training for life, man, which is kind of fun. Anyway, here's the thing. Laird and actually Gabby, I think it's probably Gabby who has a saying, but she has a saying that is like actually has I've just never forgotten it. And I try to use it as often as possible. And I want to tell it to you and invite you to try it today, at least a couple times. Here's what Gabby says. This is kind of like one of her rules for life, which by the way, if you don't have rules for life, you should write some down. Like, what are your rules for life? What are the things that guide you? And what are the things that you always want to like make sure that you abide by? One of mine is like when you're driving through a neighborhood and there's a an um a uh a lemonade stand, always buy a lemonade. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, if it's your neighborhood or not, buy the lemonade. You know, that's a good rule for life. Okay, here's what Gabby

The Two-Word Rule Go First

SPEAKER_00 2:05

says. One of her rules for life is it's this. It's just two words. Go first. I love it. Go first. And so here's some ways that you can do this, and then I'm I'm gonna get out of your way.

Say Hi To Strangers

SPEAKER_00 2:17

So go first. When you're walking down the street today, or down the hallway, whether it's at school or at work or just down the road or at a at a ball game, wherever you are, and you walk, you ever notice how we walk we walk by each other, random strangers, and it could be you and one other person on the in the hallway alone or on the road, and we don't say anything to each other. It's super weird. And so go first, say hi first. Hi. Uh so yeah, go first, say hi first. How about this

Apologize And Ask Forgiveness First

SPEAKER_00 2:49

one? Uh, how many times are we in conflict and we are in a fight argument and we're waiting for the other person to acknowledge what they did first? Yeah, and I get it. I've been there and I'm there a lot, but here's the deal. What if you go first? What if you ask for forgiveness first? You apologize first. Say, hey, this is where I went wrong first. Uh what

Love Requires Going First

SPEAKER_00 3:12

about this? What if you're you like somebody and maybe you're in love or you're or you like them and you want to ask them when I date, do it, go first. Tell them. And now here's the deal. This is inherently risky. All of these are inherently risky, which is what makes I don't know, makes life kind of fun, if you ask me. Uh I'm kind of bent and wired that way, but I and so I get it for those who aren't. This might even be especially risky. But man, I'm telling you, so it's a way to feel alive. So tell them you love them first. Uh ask them on a date first. Uh say, hey, uh, I kind of like you. You want to hang out first? How about

Lead With Generosity And Humility

SPEAKER_00 3:46

this one? Um, offer to pay first. Sometimes we go out to lunch. I had a buddy of mine who, when I was younger, whenever we went out to lunch, he always would reach for his wallet first. And he wasn't just doing it as a as a like a you know, this disingenuous way of being like, oh, I got this, but he didn't really. He would always pay for lunch first. He was a great guy, very generous. And he taught me, hey, you know, do the same, Ryan. Uh go first. Uh, what about maybe admitting you don't know something first? Yeah, maybe you don't know something today, and you've got like that beginner kind of mind, like, yeah, let someone know, hey, I don't know how to do this, but I want to learn. But be the first one to

Compliment People And Celebrate First

SPEAKER_00 4:20

say it. What about uh encourage somebody else or celebrate somebody else first? My son Gavin is so good at this. We'll be at a we'll be at an airport and he will grab a random person, yo, I like your shoes, man. It's so great. And really rarely do they ever respond, like, oh, you're a weirdo, man, get out of here, which is what we envision in our heads, maybe. No, what they do is like, yo, thanks, man. I like your I like your outfit, I like your shirt or whatever. People love it because who doesn't like to have a compliment or be encouraged? And he's not being disingenuous, he doesn't even know these people. He he like uh he really wants to tell them that he likes their shoes or or hey, you did a good job on that project, you know. Even when he was a kid, he would go to like other people's track meets and games and just cheer them on. That's kind of how he's wired. So maybe it's easier for him. But I'm I'm just saying, be first, celebrate somebody else first today, encourage them first today. How about this one?

Change Your Mind And Listen First

SPEAKER_00 5:10

Uh change your mind first, you know. So many of us we we want to hang on to these things we believed in 20 years ago, 30 years ago, and we don't have our minds changed. So maybe you're talking with somebody who has a different political opinion or uh thought about current events or whatever. Maybe you can offer to have an open mind anyway first and listen first.

Gratitude First Then Choose Joy

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Uh maybe you're the first one today to say thank you. Hey, thank you for that. I appreciate that. And uh yeah, express gratitude first. Uh there's a number of these. One last one. Maybe choose joy today first. You know, happiness comes and goes, and happiness is often based on our circumstances. But you can choose joy in the middle of brokenness, hardship, suffering, rain, clouds, whatever you can choose joy. Uh, not as denial, but it's like this decision, hey, in the middle of all this, I'm gonna maintain my

Values Regrets And Contagious Courage

SPEAKER_00 5:56

joy. And here's what I think it does. I just jotted down, jotted down a few ideas. You know, when you do this, you're deciding how you want to live. And you're not living based on how others live. You're not like just living in a reactionary state. You are the one deciding because you're going first. And so there's initiative. There's like, hey, here are my values, here's what I want to be like, here's how I want to be in the world, the presence I want to be in the world, and the impact I want to have on the world. So I'm gonna go first. Let them respond to my goodness and my, you know, going first. Because ideally, all the go first are good things. You're not gonna, you know, punch someone first. That's not what I mean. So don't do that first, okay? But like be a force for good in the world first. Somebody has to go first. It might as well be you. So it does raise the question, like, what are your values? Live by those. Also, there's this life is just so sh it's so short. It's way shorter than we think. There are far less guarantees than any of us think or can imagine. And so, yeah, going first, it will help you to live without regrets. Because maybe you didn't tell them you loved them or that you liked them or wanted to hang out or go on a date, or maybe you didn't ask for forgiveness and and and you never got a chance to. And you can live in that way by not going first with regrets. So, yeah, live without regrets. Be the person that you want to be in the world and go first. And lastly, I love it. It's it really is contagious. You start going first with your friend group, they start going first, the person on the street, maybe one in five about go, oh, I don't know, you don't say hi to me. But but four out of five, yo, what's up, man? How are you? Well, yeah, I mean, who knows where it will go? It could lead to all kinds of cool places because it is contagious. And most folks are waiting for somebody else to go first. So if you go first, it opens this whole can of a whole bunch of cool stuff. So that's it. Uh, in the spirit of Gabby Reese and Laird Hamilton, uh, one of my favorite, two favorite people in the world. I don't know them, they don't know me, but I just I love their ideas about life. Yeah, and that in that spirit, go first today. All right, love you guys. Peace.

Closing And Invitation To Connect

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Hey, if you enjoy this show, I'd love to have you share it with some friends. And don't forget, you are always welcome to join us in person at Central in Elk River at 8 30, which is our liturgical gathering, or at 10 o'clock, our modern gathering. Or you can check us out online at clcelkriver.org. Peace.