What Does Real Love Look Like?

Have you ever questioned why the picture-perfect romances from Disney and Hallmark might be more misleading than magical?  

If your answer is Yes, this episode is for you, whether you are single or in a relationship or marriage. 

In this episode, we peel back the layers of the glossy and glamorous narratives we were told to reveal real love's authentic, messy, but oh-so-beautiful nature. 

This is one conversation that will resonate with you. Let's talk about genuine connection, partnership, understanding,  and how real love can be rewarding in its imperfection.  

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:10

Welcome to Paradise Perspectives, where we have honest conversations about life, about growth and about finding your way all of that with an island girl's perspective. This is where you'll get real insights and inspiration to help you live your best life. Now let's get into today's hot topic. Hey there and welcome back to Paradise Perspectives. I'm Rizal, also known as the Traveling Island Girl, and I am your host today. Hey, today we are talking about something big.

Speaker 1: 0:45

We are talking about everybody's favorite four-letter word and no, it doesn't start with F. It is a very popular four-letter word and that is L-O-V-E love. It is the week that everything and everyone around us wants to remind us that love means chocolate and flowers and dinner for two or the most expensive restaurants, or an engagement drink and a champagne glass. Even Valentine's Day is a day of the year, the one day and I honestly have to say this that I dislike the most, because Valentine's Day is when all of us want to believe in that perfect love, but that perfect love that looks like perfect because it has the teddy bear and the flowers and the gifts and the cards, and let's not forget all of that bling, bling, all of that jewelry, am I right? So today we're talking about love, but no, we are not talking about that kind of love, not the kind of love you see in Disney movies that we grew up with, or those cheesy Hallmark movies. You know the kind I'm talking about. The couple magically meets and falls in love and they have a minor misunderstanding and all of a sudden, towards the end of the movie, they end up living happily ever after. No, no, no, no. We're not talking about that kind of love. We are talking today about real love. So, whether you're single, you're dating, or you're in a long-term relationship, or you're married and have been married for years, this episode is for you, married and have been married for years. This episode is for you, because love the one that I want to talk about isn't just about romance, it's about connection, it's about partnership and it is about choosing each other every single day. And guess what? It is so much better than the fairy tales that we grew up believing in.

Speaker 1: 2:43

So if you're ready, let's get into it. Let's be real for a moment. Most of us grew up watching movies that made love look so easy. Right? Girl meets, boy sparks fly. We have a cute couple of moments and later on in the movie, bam, soulmates forever. There are no real struggles, there are no tough conversations, they don't even question what the other person likes, what kind of toppings they like on their pizza. Seriously, I mean, think about Cinderella, for instance. She danced with Prince Charming for what a few hours and suddenly they are destined for each other. Imagine if real life worked like that. Hey, you have nice feet and those shoes that are totally out of your budget, by the way, totally fit you, so let's get married.

Speaker 1: 3:37

Or the Hallmark movies, while we're on the topic, where the big city girl moves to a small town, meets this handsome, rugged guy in flannel because why not, they're always in flannel in Hallmark movies, am I right? And then she suddenly abandons her entire city life, she drops what she's doing, she quits her career that she has been working so hard for. For what? For him? There are no deep conversations about goals, dreams or even I don't know how they handle stress. Do they want children? Do they like children? None of those important questions are asked.

Speaker 1: 4:20

These stories are cute as hell. I am definitely the first one to say that they are, and I must admit that watching them is definitely one of my guilty pleasures. And who doesn't like losing themselves in those cute little romantic movies, right. But here's the thing about those movies they set us up for a big misunderstanding about what love really looks like. Just like men get a very distorted idea of how to satisfy a woman in bed by watching porn, so do we women also get a very distorted idea of what love is supposed to look like from these movies. And then we want to get disappointed when the person we end up with forgets to open the car door it's not as much of a gentleman as we see in the movies or doesn't want to spoon after sex, or doesn't want to hold us while we sleep because their arm cramped up or whatever, and I'm sorry, I can't even imagine sleeping in that position anymore, since hot flashes are now part of my daily routine when I'm in bed. Right. But here's the truth.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Love isn't a perfect story. It is two imperfect people, two individuals choosing each other every day. That's what love really is. It's two people coming together. The one thing I never understood is how we introduce each other, our significant other, sometimes, and we say this is my better half. Let's be honest here. There is no better half. There is you and there is them, and I want to talk to whoever decided to add that one line in the script of Jerry Maguire, that part when she says you complete me or does he say it, I don't even remember but somebody says you complete me in the movie. And it's not about finding someone to complete you. You are already whole, my friend. You have nothing to be completed, you are already whole. It's about finding someone who complements you okay, not who completes you.

Speaker 1: 6:41

And let's talk about relationships here for a second, because real love, real love it takes work. It's not just a romantic vacation and cute little Instagram post, or eating pasta out of the same pasta bowl and accidentally slurping on that same string of pasta until your lips meet and you kiss. Now you get which Disney movie I'm referring to here. It's deep talks at midnight. It's figuring out whose turn it is to do the dishes, it's having the difficult conversations about family, about money, and it is choosing to grow together instead of growing apart. That's what love is.

Speaker 1: 7:25

My uncle-in-law told my husband once and it is something that stayed with me because I thought at that time that it was quite deep and we were having one argument after another and he told his uncle about it and his uncle said something like this If one of you is still in love with the other person and willing to fight, you keep on fighting, but the moment both of you fall out of love and, no wonder, want to give it your all, then you know it's over. And that really stayed with me, because we always or at least I was brought up to know that fighting in a relationship is not good, brought up that to know that fighting in a relationship is not good, we thought relationships that are easy especially when the person you're with is supposed to be your soulmate or the one that there is no fighting, there is no arguments, there are no disagreements, and I used to think love meant never arguing. Actually, because that's what I saw my parents do all the time. They would argue constantly and I vowed not to have that relationship. I didn't want my relationships to look like that at all. So every time I had a disagreement with my boyfriends in the past and my husband up to you know, a while ago, I used to panic oh no, this means we're not meant to be because we're arguing. But that's not true. Healthy relationships do have disagreements. The difference, however, is that is how you handle them. Love isn't about never fighting, never disagreeing, because remember we already said that in the beginning it's two people coming together, so of course, you're going to come with your own stuff into it, right? Real love is about fighting, but fighting fairly and respecting each other in the process.

Speaker 1: 9:28

If you're single, hear me when I say this you are not waiting for love, you are living your life. Being single isn't a pause button and it is definitely not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You are not pathetic because you couldn't find love. You are not pathetic because you don't have somebody in your life Love, or waiting for love, or finding a relationship. It's not about you waiting in this waiting room for your real life to start. Your life is happening right now and it is already full of love. You have self-love, love from your friends, friendships, dreams, adventures All of that is love in your life already. Remember this one thing that I just love this phrase so much, because it means so much it says Go within so you can go without, and it means something really simple you shouldn't be looking for love outside of yourself, because the love that you need is already inside of you. Love yourself, Give yourself that love so you don't have to chase it outside of yourself. Love yourself unequivocally, completely and unconditionally. That's how you need to love yourself, because, honey, you are the love of your life that you are so looking for. You are the love of your life.

Speaker 1: 10:58

The biggest lesson that I have learned is that a healthy relationship isn't about losing yourself and another person. A healthy relationship isn't about losing yourself and another person. It's about two strong, whole individuals choosing to share their lives together. You don't become one. You remain two people walking side by side. It's time that we let go of that old belief, or those old beliefs about love and what it should look like. Stop feeling like a failure just because you don't have that engagement ring or that wedding band around your finger. Stop thinking that your life will only begin once you meet the one. And, by the way, since we're on the topic, stop thinking there is the one to begin with.

Speaker 1: 11:49

Love isn't about needing someone. It's about wanting them in your life because they compliment you, because they bring out the best in you, not because they are your best. And whether you're single or in a relationship, the key is this Love starts with you. When you love yourself, you stop settling for less than what you deserve. You stop chasing people who don't deserve you and don't see your worth and you start attracting relationships that feel right instead of the ones that just look right from the outside.

Speaker 1: 12:28

I wish I'd learned that when I was younger. It took a big heartbreak at 47 and a painful separation to finally see that love in its realist form is all that we talked about today, and it's not about what we expect it to look like from what the movies and the little Disney movies and Hallmark movies and Valentine's Day wants us to believe. So, my friend, here's the takeaway Love isn't a fairy tale. It is better actually. It's real, it's messy, it's deep and it is built and it is not found. I want you to repeat that one it is built, it is not found. You don't just magically trip over it and that's it, happily ever after. That doesn't exist. I'm sorry to burst your bubble. It is not a just add water and stir. It actually takes work. By the way, everything worth having takes work.

Speaker 1: 13:32

And again, whether you are single, dating or you're years into a relationship or a marriage and as you listen to this episode, know this you are already enough. You are already enough. You are already loved and your story is unfolding exactly as it should. That was deep today, wasn't it? Anyway, thanks so much for hanging out with me today. If you loved this episode, share it with a friend who needs to hear this. Send me a message, let me know what resonated with you and definitely leave a review. So if you're on Apple podcast, go ahead, scroll down and you can leave a review for me. Let me know, because it really helps us out so very much and it helps me to keep coming back every week with more of this kind of content for you. So until next time, I'm your island friend, rizal, and I want to tell you to keep living, keep loving and keep being the amazing self that you are. You are beautiful and I love you. Ciao, adios, bye-bye, da A tutelar and ayo.