Cultivating Hearts Podcast

Finding Peace and Joy Each Day

• Jenna Rettig & Johanna VanRenterghem • Episode 27

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Feeling joy and choosing joy are two very different things. Let's talk about how we can choose joy each day and teach our children to do the same!


Hi, I’m Jenna, homesteading and homeschooling mom of 7 and the creator behind This Ohio Farmhouse. My sister, Johanna, is a licensed counselor and mom of twin teenage boys. Join us at the table as we tackle hard parenting topics and work towards healing and peace within the walls of our homes…where home is our mission field. 

C u l t I v a t e  [ kuhl-tuh-veyt ]

Verb 

  1. to refine or improve
  2. to promote the growth or development of
  3. to take up for the purpose of self-improvement

Grab our workbooks here where we walk through healing from our past so we can be the wives and mothers that the Lord has called us to be!


Speaker 1:

This is the Cultivating Hearts podcast. Pull up a seat and join sisters Jenna and Joanna as we cultivate the hearts of ourselves and our children. Hey sisters, welcome to the Cultivating Hearts podcast. Children hey sisters, welcome to the Cultivating Heart podcast. We're putting together our thoughts on what it looks like to choose joy and putting that on every day, and then not only for ourselves, but how to teach that to your children.

Speaker 2:

It sounds like an easy concept. You know, just count it all. Joy right, Be happy, just be happy. It takes effort, it takes a choice to have joy. It's not just something that comes upon us. Of course we have these temporary moments where it's very joyful you might be doing something fun and it's just not lasting joy right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, ironically though, this has been on our calendar and our schedule here podcast, I don't even know what we're on 25 or something where we're talking about joy, and it happens to fall once again when our pastor is preaching on the very topic for several weeks, and so we've been taking notes and thinking through his parts and his things that he had to say and our own, and just processing all of that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that verse has popped into my mind many times over the years. Count it all joy, have joy in trial. And it irks me because it almost feels like my pain is being minimized through that verse. It feels like, well, you're going through all this stuff, but have joy. I want you to focus on joy. Scripture says and God is not trying to minimize our pain and our suffering, he's trying to get our focus in the right place so that we can have joy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there's people, all throughout scripture though, that you could think of, that are in miserable circumstances, but they're singing praises and they're writing Psalms and it's seemingly unreasonably joyful for their circumstances. They should not be happy reasonably joyful for their circumstances. They should not be happy.

Speaker 2:

Right Paul in chains, in prison, you know.

Speaker 1:

talking to the church in Philippi, he says he has joy when he's praying for them, but I think that, really, if you were to study, that joy is from within, and so what he's sharing, though, is I know I'm confident in who my savior is and who God is, and so that translates into if it's bigger and it's more powerful than what my circumstances are.

Speaker 2:

James 1, 2 through 4 says consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Speaker 1:

Don't you think, though, that there's a lot of controversy on the topic? There's a lot of people that would rather wallow in their pain. You've said that you've actually asked somebody if they wanted joy, if they wanted to get out of their misery. They said no.

Speaker 2:

Well, how that went was I think I had been seeing somebody for over a year and a half and the Lord put it on my heart, asked them if they want to be better. And I'm arguing in my head with the Lord they've been coming for over a year and a half. Why would I ask them? This question that's ridiculous Just kept being prompted. So I said do you want to be better? And this person said no. I really don't know who I would be if I were better.

Speaker 2:

And at that point I thought what do I do with this? So I said well, why don't we just pause? Let's, let's just pause. You're welcome to come back. What's the point of you being there? Yeah, yeah. And again, counseling can be this place of just going over and over and over something, and I think it's not necessarily always helpful. As I have mentioned, it is helpful to have somebody to talk to, to have wise counsel and to bounce some things off of. At the same time, the goal, hopefully, is to move forward. You know, I feel this way about my chiropractor.

Speaker 1:

I don't want a chiropractor that wants to see me every other day. I want one that's going to fix me and I move on.

Speaker 2:

It gets expensive if not you just keep going forever um, and there is no specific time frame.

Speaker 2:

Everybody is at a different place and Jesus 100% meets us where we are, and some of us aren't ready for the next step, and so there's just this fine line of having discernment of where the Lord is leading all of us. When we are counseling somebody or when we are meeting with a friend, you know where, where are they, at how long do they need to be there? And just to be able to discern what the Lord is doing in that moment, because we can stay there too long, jump too fast ahead too, so it's a matter of just listening.

Speaker 1:

There's probably other reasons why people choose to sit in that seat, though. What are other reasons that people have given you, why they want to stay stagnant, you know? Or still, or not joyful?

Speaker 2:

Well, we know it's much easier to be negative than it is to be positive or not joyful. Well, we know it's much easier to be negative than it is to be positive. It takes effort. We are born into a fallen, sinful world and so it's easy to be negative. I mean that just comes naturally, yeah, isn't?

Speaker 1:

it. It doesn't come naturally for most people.

Speaker 2:

Maybe they have some extra happy chemicals in their brain. You wonder that with some people. You think, you know, are these people really this happy? You know, are they really this joyful all the time? Are they choosing joy? I have thought, are they in denial? You know, you hear people sometimes say well, I like to stay busy because I don't want to have to sit and think about things. And there's some truth to that. I think the more time you have on your hands sometimes you sit around, you wallow, you feel more sorry for yourself.

Speaker 2:

You need to get out and do some things and I always, you know, encourage people, including myself like have a moment where you are dealing with your emotions. God gave them to us for a reason. They are important. Sometimes, you know, our feelings tell us we need to change things, or look at some things or hand some things over to the Lord. Have a time where you're scheduling to have a pity party, but then don't stay there and hand it over to the Lord.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think the bigger issue, though, is that when we do that, it's because we're focused on ourselves, not on filling ourselves so full with the Lord that we you know we are focused in the wrong place.

Speaker 2:

It's a thief of joy yeah, we can become super selfish and looking too inward to everything, um, even looking to ourselves for self-affirmations. So I think sometimes we do look so much inward. We can become so analytical. We can actually think ourselves into idol worship really. We can actually think ourselves into idol worship really. We think, think, think, think, think.

Speaker 2:

At the same time, the Lord wants us to use our brain, you know, and to go okay, what is this reaction that I'm having? Or this response I'm having? What is this about Lord? And then, you know, we go back and we ask God what is this about? And he will show us, hopefully, and we can move forward and hand that over to him and choose joy. Some people want to, just, I think, feel safe. They want other people to affirm them, they want people to be in their misery, with them, with them. Some people are living in their own perspective and their own ideology. That is not God's truth, and so they want other people to join them in that perspective so that they can feel good about themselves. And really our safety and our joy does not come from circumstances or other people affirming us. It comes from God and who he says we are.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we have to remember that choosing joy doesn't look the same as feeling joy. You may not feel joyful, and we still have to choose it, and so, when we're talking through this, all throughout scripture, there's a lot of circumstances where God talks about our clothing and what we clothe ourselves with, and probably the most well-known is the armor of God, and we are supposed to wake up every day and we're supposed to put on our armor, and you've got, you know, the belt of truth and the helmet of salvation. You have all of these things that he talks you through, as if you're supposed to physically choose to put those things on you each day. All throughout scripture, though, there's circumstances where clothing is very important. You know, I think of the woman who reached out her hand just to touch Jesus.

Speaker 2:

She was bleeding for 12 years, grabbed his cloak.

Speaker 1:

You can actually go down a whole rabbit hole. If you really wanted to study all of the garments throughout scripture, there's a lot. We started looking them up, and I mean there's over and over again talking about our filthy rags, our clothing being the robe of righteousness. Yeah, so you were choosing what you were going to wear each day and you're standing in front of your closet and you're picking out your outfit. You're looking at what is ahead of me for my day. What do I have? Am I going to a wedding today or am I going to work? Am I running to the grocery store? Am I going to be at home all day homeschooling my kids? Those things dictate what you're going to put on each day.

Speaker 2:

You hold it up, you go. Is this going to work for today?

Speaker 1:

You might try certain things on and take them off and you're like, nope, this isn't right for today. So we have to do the same thing with our joy, though, although I think of it like it's almost like our undergarments, like we have to choose that first. We're going to wake up every day and say I am going to be joyful today. I am going to be joyful because God has placed that within the depths of my soul, and in scripture he tells us there are a few things that he tells us that he fills us with, and that's joy. And he tells us that he fills us with peace.

Speaker 1:

And the other things are things that we're wearing. They're outward signs that you have this joy deep inside of you and it goes. It's the one thing that we choose every day, and the other things follow. So I think, as we're standing in front of our closet, though, trying to choose what we're going to put on for that day, am I going to choose to be bitter today? Am I going to choose that I'm going to be angry? Am I going to have unrealistic expectations for my kids that aren't going to be met and then I'm going to be frustrated? Or am I going to choose joy from the beginning, and I think that the other things fall into place when I wake up and I'm like I am going to live in a joyful way today.

Speaker 1:

Have the mind of Christ today, right, and those three things love, joy, peace those are the internal things that you have to have for anything else to flow out of you, for any of the fruits of the spirit, for you to be kind, for you to be gentle, for you to be patient, and this is assuming we've accepted Christ right.

Speaker 2:

Otherwise he's not operating in us.

Speaker 1:

Right Well unfortunately.

Speaker 2:

You know we can't conjure up these things within ourselves. How many times have you tried to forgive? How many times have you tried to? You know, feel joy? You can't. It's got to be a choice that you have, and then the Lord can flow through you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

The feelings will follow. You might not always feel like going to work every day. You might not feel like loving your husband every day. You might not feel like being around people that are not joyful every day because they're sucking you in and bringing you down. I've probably been that person a few times. You know being negative. Much easier to be negative some days.

Speaker 1:

But if you think of it like it's your underwear, come on. Yeah, it's your base layer. You put it on every day so that everything else can fall into place. You don't go out without that part, no matter what you're choosing for the day. What else follows? Those things are necessary.

Speaker 2:

We're not trying to minimize that some people have to work a lot harder at having joy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the physical things. Physical things that people are up against, blood work that you need to do, sunshine Thyroid things Physical things that people are up against Blood work, that you need to do Sunshine, thyroid issues, postpartum, you know, yeah, there's some legit stuff and you may need to get some help, but we're not minimizing that Right, not to minimize that. But generally speaking, you still have to choose, I mean, even in your worst moments, I think.

Speaker 2:

I've had migraines for years I have been so sick I've been in the bathroom for days. Did you feel joyful? I did not feel joyful, but I chose to focus on the cross. Every time I will focus on the cross. I will focus on the joy of my salvation. At one point, when I was vomiting maybe too much information I had a vision of seeing Jesus on the joy of my salvation. At one point, when I was vomiting maybe too much information I had a vision of seeing Jesus on the cross. He did not take away the migraine, but I did get a chance and opportunity to persevere. It was so great.

Speaker 1:

You got to live out that verse, baby. But so we're going to choose to start our day I think that that's a good analogy for us as moms Our clothing, as we're putting that on. So, in the midst of all of our circumstances, we're going to choose the joy, and that the Lord freely gives this to us. It's for our taking, and so we have to choose that we're going to take it, otherwise we're not going to have it.

Speaker 2:

We have to focus on our salvation, on our purpose that God has sent us here for to make disciples, for whatever purposes he has for us and for his kingdom. I think about Peter walking on water. His focus had to be on Jesus where he sank. He was either going to walk on water, which he did, or he sank, which he started to do.

Speaker 1:

Yes, he started to do so the minute we take our focus off of him we are not going to get through that trial, not easily.

Speaker 2:

It's already hard enough to get through the trial. Yep, if we can focus on him, it can get us through. It can build us, like building our muscles when we exercise. It's building our perseverance. Perseverance, our endurance.

Speaker 1:

I will say that when I have been in those moments where you're just really overwhelmed or you're really down or you're just have anxiety that day or whatever you have to find what it is that works for you, I know that I need to go into my room and close the door and I can pray and turn on worship music and it doesn't take that long normally for me to come back around and refocus and say, okay, yep, that was a really hard moment. That really took me by surprise, took me off guard, messed me up. I was not being joyful, but how to come back around like figuring out how to get back to that place.

Speaker 2:

And if we pause and we get our focus on him, the circumstance might not be easy by any means, except that we can get through it we all know that one person, right that is on one end of the spectrum or the other, there's the person that radiates joy.

Speaker 1:

Both of us know people, I sure together and separately, that do radiate joy and you just look at them and you're like man. I know that your life isn't perfect, that you have circumstances, but they're choosing to be joyful no matter what.

Speaker 2:

As hard as it is. Then there's people on the other end of the spectrum who are not so joyful and they are complainers and miserable and and maybe they need somebody to come around them and lift them up and give them a word of encouragement. And you know, pray over them right.

Speaker 1:

But when the joy is for our taking, we have to choose to take it. And when we're in the lord, then the lord is in us, and so when we're in the Lord, then the Lord is in us. And so what we're filling ourselves up with, hopefully, as believers, is to be filled with the Holy Spirit, to be overflowing, to radiate his joy so that people are drawn to us, and when you're radiating misery, nobody's going to be drawn to the cross because of that. So I think that I just I want my persona to be, even when I don't necessarily feel it sometimes. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it right, until you start to actually feel it Well, they'll say smile, even if you don't feel like it.

Speaker 2:

eventually you'll feel happy. That's on a spectrum. Of course, if you're really dealing with some hard things, that might not work.

Speaker 1:

Of course, but we have to trust in the Lord and that he has good things for us and that he has good works and that he will bring us into his light so that we can reflect him.

Speaker 2:

We just need to be surrendered to him. We need to die to ourselves, focus on him, not our selfish ambitions, so that he can come in and be the light in and through us and radiate joy and peace.

Speaker 1:

I think the question we should be asking ourselves often is how do we want to be known? What do we want people to think of us when they think about who we are? You know, if somebody were to describe, I would hope that somebody would say, yeah, jen is really joyful, she's really fun to be around. But really we all have to just sit with God in a quiet place and ask him to fill our individual spaces with joy. And so, if you're putting that into practical terms, let's say that you have a really hard marriage and you're hurting in that area and you need to sit down with him and say, hey, god, I need you to come and to fill this area with your joy. Help me to see my marriage with a new perspective, with joy in the center of it all. Drown out the hurt with your joy. Whatever it is that you need to do to put joy into each of those circumstances.

Speaker 1:

Or maybe there's a really hard person to be around. We all have a hard person in our life that you just dread seeing, and hopefully it's, you know, not somebody at work that you have to see every single day. But there are hard people to be around, and so maybe our prayer in that quiet time has to be Lord. This person is incredibly difficult for me to be around, and so maybe our prayer in that quiet time has to be Lord, this person is incredibly difficult for me to be around. So fill me with your joy when I'm around them and help me to love them.

Speaker 1:

Yep, help me to see them through your lens and the lens of joy, and to see their purpose, that you have for them and fill my joy so that it fills the room to overflowing, and so their negativity just bounces off of me. So I think, if we just think of those circumstances, what are the joy thieves in our lives?

Speaker 2:

Complaining, oh, Israelites were in the desert for 40 years, you know they never got to the promised land. Because they're complaining?

Speaker 1:

But we have to start seeing those things quickly though, recognizing when there is a thief in the room and when our joy is being taken from us, and recapture and the enemy is just waiting for that right moment to pounce.

Speaker 2:

He comes to kill, steal and destroy, as john 10 10 says. But he comes, jesus comes that we might have life and life more abundantly.

Speaker 1:

So let's transition this into how do we teach our kids to be filled with joy and peace? I'm not going to tell them that, it's like underwear. So when I was praying about how to teach this to my kids, mario came to mind. And Mario is this happy little guy and he's on mission. Right, he's headed for the flagpole.

Speaker 2:

The video game.

Speaker 1:

Yes, the video game. He's headed for the flagpole and he's got to reach that and there's all kinds of obstacles in his way. And so if you think of the Koopa, the little guy that's up in the cloud and he's throwing his hammers or the little crown things down and he's trying to take you out. This is what the Koopa is, joanna does. She's looking at me like she has no idea. She's never played Mario I. She's looking at me like she has no idea Because she's never played Mario. I don't know how, but so the Koopa is up in the air and he's floating around in this cloud. He's throwing things down. He's trying to kill Mario the whole time, and so Mario's dodging his stuff and he's trying to watch to see what's coming his way. And Mario's doing it the whole time with a smile on his face. So I'm telling my kids Mario's doing it the whole time with a smile on his face. So I'm telling my kids, I'm trying to explain to them this scenario.

Speaker 1:

I was, like you know, choosing joy is a lot like Mario, like he's on mission and he knows that he's got to get to that finish line and things are going to be.

Speaker 1:

There's going to be obstacles and there's going to be. You know the little mushroom guys which my kids swear are little poop emojis, but they are not, they're mushrooms. Swear are little poop emojis, but they are not, they're mushrooms. But you have to jump over them and there's spiky things and there's things that are moving and in your way, and so when you compare that to life and how you know there's all these things coming at you and things that you have to dodge and things that you need to close your eyes when you see or things that you hear and you need to plug your ears. If we think of all of those things, like satan is attacking us, and that's really the koopa's whole job in mario, but mario stays on mission and he's like I have to get to that flagpole and dodge all of the enemy's attacks, yeah, and so he's doing it all with a smile on his face, though Mario doesn't ever stop smiling.

Speaker 2:

And I'm thinking of the disciples, and most of them died all but one right For their faith martyred, and so they had to have some kind of joy to get them through the hardships. They didn't turn away. They kept their eyes focused on Jesus Stephen when the sky opened up, when he was being stoned, he had a vision or he saw heaven. I mean, he stayed focused and God let him stay focused on him, Right. Even up until death.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but we have to recognize those things too. I'm not very quick sometimes to recognize that it's Satan's way of trying to steal my joy and not just my kid being a turd. That's hard. I don't jump to that conclusion very quickly. Or when something comes up in the marriage and we're, you know we're bickering about something or whatever to recognize that those are Satan's attacks and that's what he wants for us. And so right. So, recognizing those things coming before they're even there, you're anticipating the koopa that's gonna, it's coming, he's going to throw it. When is he gonna throw it?

Speaker 2:

and so you're just anticipating when it's gonna come it reminds me of the verse when you say that you know in this life we will have trials and tribulations.

Speaker 2:

We have to accept that this is this is life, this is not heaven, this is not our home, and I think we shouldn't think it's strange when these things happen to us. As scripture says, we first have to accept yeah, this is going to be hard, it is hard, and when this hard is over, there's going to be a next hard. But he says you're going to have these trials and tribulations, but I will never leave you or forsake you. He's in it, with us.

Speaker 1:

Colossians 3, verses 12 to 14, tell us that we're God's chosen people, we're holy and dearly loved, and so we're supposed to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Then, in Psalm 30, 11, he tells us that he said you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, and so he's going to take the rags and clothed us with joy.

Speaker 2:

He's coming back for a spotless bride. You think of the bride wearing her gown? Yeah, he's going to clean us up, if we allow him.

Speaker 1:

So, man, a lot of thought. I think every podcast is kind of like this for me it's just a lot of moving pieces and a lot that we're learning along with our listeners.

Speaker 2:

These are really simple concepts in scripture but we make them so hard, we make it so much harder than it needs to be. Sometimes I know I'm you know, 52 and I'm thinking why am I just getting some message? You know that God's speaking to me through scripture or speaking to me in my life. Am I a slow learner? Am I a really slow learner? Why am I just getting this right now? This could have saved me a lot of trial and tribulation in some areas years ago if I had just gotten that message sooner. But we're all on a journey. We're always going to have things that we're working on and through that God is dealing with us in, if we allow it, if we invite him into the hard places, into the hurt places. It's a process. We're just always learning. So sometimes I just think about this world. It's a test. It's who are we becoming? Are we becoming like Christ? Are we becoming like the world? We have to choose, like Jenna said, to put on our garments of joy and praise and peace.

Speaker 1:

I think most of us want that. I mean, I think the majority of moms want to be the fun, joyful mom. They don't want to be nagging and miserable and down in the dumps all the time, like they want lightheartedness in their homes. And if we would just start our day and turn it over to the Lord and say God, I'm choosing to be joyful today. Help me to teach my children to choose to be joyful today so we can all be one big, happy family?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, If we could even just get our entire family to pause when it's escalating and be able to sit down and pause.

Speaker 1:

Just recognize the enemy's attack in that. Yeah, when it's getting escalated and it's heated and somebody needs to. Maybe if you're all on the same page, somebody can pause and say hey, we all need to just take a minute.

Speaker 2:

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. You know we don't want to take the bait of the enemy, and how many times have we done that?

Speaker 1:

Yep. So put your garments on every day, go teach your children about Mario and to put on joy as well, because you want that to be a skill that they have for their whole life.

Speaker 2:

Because it's going to get hard, it will be hard, and so how do we have joy and pause in those moments so that we can enjoy some of the journey as we go through this life?

Speaker 1:

That's right. Thanks for hanging out. We'll see you next time.