Change isn't a switch to be flipped; it's a winding road that demands patience and insight. We feel we need instant results, and if we don't stop. But we don't always understand the psychology behind change and why we might be coming to some roadblocks.
We unpack the habitual patterns that often resist our best intentions, inspired by the wisdom of Prochaska and DiClemente's change cycle. We delve into the impact of language on our mindset, swapping out the heavy "shoulds"
Change isn't a switch to be flipped; it's a winding road that demands patience and insight. We feel we need instant results, and if we don't stop. But we don't always understand the psychology behind change and why we might be coming to some roadblocks.
We unpack the habitual patterns that often resist our best intentions, inspired by the wisdom of Prochaska and DiClemente's change cycle. We delve into the impact of language on our mindset, swapping out the heavy "shoulds"
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Calm Compass podcast. So in today's podcast episode I want to talk to you about change, navigating change when you feel quite overwhelmed already and change might feel like it even evokes almost like a stressed reaction in your body. And I want to talk about why changes. It can be quite complex and sometimes when we don't understand how change works, that and we're also having this expectation that we're needing physical, instantaneous results that can affect our self-esteem, that can affect how committed we are and our consistency. So I want to just talk about navigating change and we're coming to sort of we're still in the beginning of the year but the habits that you may have set out for your new year's intentions, you may not have the same consistency because you're not understanding, maybe, the cycle of change and how that works. So I want to sort of have a bit of a discussion and really normalise why change felt so difficult and I think we have this assumption that we're living in a world where we are expecting instantaneous results. We're wanting to feel glorified, we want to feel like it that hits those endorphins as soon as something happens, and so I want to just maybe give you another insight into. You might feel really inspired at the beginning of the year. You really want it, but then you're noticing that there's a few obstacles that you're going through and a few of those things that your mind is presenting to you, and sometimes, when we don't really understand change and how our own behaviours and patterns operate, we continue to do the same thing, expecting the same results. So we are human beings, are habitual, we do things. We usually do the same thing every single day. When you really think about it, you probably wake up on the same side of the bed. You do the same types of activities day in and day out. Maybe small things change, but overall those main habits stay the same until they become such a part of your lifestyle. And so what happens is when we're at the beginning of the year, we'll use sort of the beginning of the year. People are really inspired, we feel really excited, and when we have very sort of stressed and anxious minds, we get excited for the new year. We think, great, it's a new year and it's also that bright shiny syndrome. So when we have that bright shiny syndrome, we get excited by what we're romanticising these things to look at, and I suppose it's always looking at why we want to change. What are the benefits? Why is it actually going to help me? If you're finding that there's no benefit, then you're going to come through to resistance as well. You're going to go. Well, why am I doing this if it's not aligned with my values and that's something that I really talk to my clients about is, am I in the direction of what's important to me and my values? And if it's not, that's where you may feel some of that resistance.
Speaker 1:
And it's also noticing our language. So sometimes we use words such as should. So should is a really perfect word of what we believe from externally, like from society, our friends, our family, you know, people at work of what we think we need to do in that particular area, like, oh, I really should go to the gym Instead of like, I'm choosing to go to the gym. Well, you know, really looking at those, those linguistics that we are creating in our mind. So I think sometimes we have to understand how change operates so we can understand Well, am I, am I even in that mode for wanting to change? Am I seeing this particular area of my life as a problem? You know, people smoke or drink, and drinking is something that I stopped doing probably four years ago, because it was impacting my mental health and my physical health, and that can contribute to your experience with anxiety as well, and so, rather than just stopping, you have to understand the reason you're doing it. Like always, people talk about what's your why. So if you're starting to, you want to create a new habit or you want to give up a particular habit, it's always understanding Well, why do I want to do that anyway? Why do I want to start this or stop doing this? And so there's a A cycle of change. It's called Pachaskaran Diclempti, cycle of change. I probably am pronouncing this incorrectly.
Speaker 1:
I first learned about it at university, and there are six stages. So quickly, just go through, just so you have more of a awareness of Understanding change from a completely different perspective as well. So the first stage is what's called pre contemplation. So that's where you may not understand or recognize the consequences for the actions that you're doing in a particular part of your life. For example, you Will use Drinking. Okay, so it may be that you're binge drinking every single night and you may not. You might be in the pre contemplation stage of not Recognizing the consequences of how that's impacting your mental health or your physical health or your relationships, right, so it's always understanding where you are and just creating awareness. Okay, the contemplation stage is where you know you've got a problem, but what happens is sometimes it's that lack of, maybe, confidence in yourself To take the step, the first step. Maybe it's like you're stuck in fear or anxiety or stress. Right, so it's just, you know, understanding. Sometimes we can be quite uncertain. We have quite conflicted Emotions as well about actual the need for changing as well.
Speaker 1:
Then the third Stage is what's called preparation. Okay, so this is where you are willing to take some small steps forward. Okay, and Evidence of this stage, you know it could be statements confirming your commitment to change and your willingness to start actually Preparing a plan of action. So often, in terms of the types of clients that I work with, they obviously cannot be in pre-contemplation stage. You can't help someone who doesn't have the awareness that they've got a problem. Okay, and I would say it's Preparate. Contemplation to preparation Is where I help my clients who are starting off, but everyone's so different, right?
Speaker 1:
Then the fourth stage is called action. This is where you are developing clear plans For change and you're able to implement them, you know. So this is understanding what, and sometimes we look at things like a big goal or a big task of what we intend to do, and then it's breaking it down into Making those bite-sized. How can I do this? You know what can I do every day to ensure that I'm taking action on this. Then your fifth stage is called maintenance. Now, sometimes, when we are in the Just generally in life, sometimes it's the actual thing of maintaining a particular habit or maintaining something, and sometimes what happens is, you know, this is maybe where you would call it consistency of even even.
Speaker 1:
You know you're adapting that new change within your life, and it's also looking at consistency of how this is delivered. So sometimes people have this belief that, oh gosh, do I have to do this every day? It may be that you're still working towards your goal. Maybe it's going to the gym that you could be still working out. It might have the same. It might have a little bit of a different consistency. It could be that you're consistently going two or three times a week, but it's that you're still maintaining it. And this is something also that I help my clients with, because sometimes we know we've got the problem, but we need that person, that support, to help us develop those habits and create more of a maintain it. So you know, in six months when my clients you know it's also having the tools accessible to you. So my coaching program that I take my clients through one-on-one is a three-month coaching program and in terms of giving them the tools so that they can maintain these habits, so they don't feel overwhelming, we can sort of slide that into our life in a very practical way.
Speaker 1:
The sixth cycle is relapse, or termination, or completing. But as we know that things are not black and white and sometimes we just have to understand all of those levels of change, of where we are understanding what's happening. And I think what's really important when we're looking and exploring change is we have to understand ourselves. We have to create the awareness that this is actually a problem within my life and I want it right and it's looking at. We are habitual beings, okay. So that means also that some environments that we are, because we're very we're social beings, even if people say they're introverted, we are still designed socially, we thrive socially.
Speaker 1:
We are meant to a lot of how we process information is we do so much better in the environment where we're engaging with other people. So if we're in environments, for example, that are not supportive of our particular goal, maybe it conflicts or compromises what we're actually trying to do. Maybe you want to, maybe you do want to cut down drinking, but all your friends, maybe they go out every weekend right, and it's looking at that culture, or even the culture of your workplace, right. So it's looking at where you're surrounding yourself, because we do. We are when we understand that we are affected and influenced so greatly on environments that if we're in an environment that is not conducive of our goals, then we're going to find change even more difficult, we're going to find it more stressful, and so we're going to feel like that little hurdle of our environment and they might say do you want to come out? And you might not have all of those processes of actually no, or you might not know how to assert a boundary with those closest to you.
Speaker 1:
That can be sometimes quite a difficult thing, right?
Speaker 1:
So I think sometimes we have this real belief that change comes really easily and I think we've just got to understand that it's a process and it's a journey, and it's also understanding that we are like every, like all your thoughts and your feelings create all of the outcomes and results within your life, and so if we are doing something new, we're going to notice that we start seeing some of those things that we haven't dealt with previously they're coming up and if we don't know how to navigate through that, that can feel quite overwhelming, and that's why having that's what I help my clients with as a stress and anxiety coach is having understanding that cognitive side, understanding your mind, understanding you know how to basically approach your thoughts so you can create different behavioral outcomes, but also understanding how to support you, you how to create safety for you.
Speaker 1:
Right, sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves and we're creatures of habit.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so, even if it's in the best interests of us, we need to ensure that we have a really good plan and we are in an environment where people are going to cheer us on and they're gonna support us, and if we don't have that, we're gonna find it more difficult.
Speaker 1:
So how can we be in environments or maybe it's joining particular clubs or groups or whatever it is of people who are share that same goal and share that vision as you, and then you start noticing that it's so much easier when you're in environments and in coaching programs to support those needs. So yeah, I just I think sometimes we have this belief. You know, change is easy and we can go into that comparison of looking at other people and their journey and everyone's journey is so different. I really wanna highlight that you do not know what that person has gone through and sometimes there is that iceberg, like there's so much that people are presenting to you but there's so much that we're not presenting. So just always keep that in mind too. If you found this podcast episode helpful, please leave us a review and share on your socials real vision live coaching. Have the most beautiful day, bye.