What if you could transform your stress and anxiety into calm confidence?
This episode was the Masterclass I hosted (Master your Reactions).
Starting with the identification and management of personal triggers, we delve into sounds, situations, and people that might set off your stress responses.
You'll gain a holistic understanding of these triggers and learn how to prevent them from hijacking your mind, ensuring you maintain inner calm amidst external chaos.
Join us as we emphasise the importance of mindfulness in managing stress.
What if you could transform your stress and anxiety into calm confidence?
This episode was the Masterclass I hosted (Master your Reactions).
Starting with the identification and management of personal triggers, we delve into sounds, situations, and people that might set off your stress responses.
You'll gain a holistic understanding of these triggers and learn how to prevent them from hijacking your mind, ensuring you maintain inner calm amidst external chaos.
Join us as we emphasise the importance of mindfulness in managing stress.
Hello and welcome to the masterclass Master your Reactions. So this is about understanding how, when those situations or events occur, that you know how to support yourself in those situations, that you can become a master of your reactions, your responses, without feeling like the stress and anxiety is sort of creeping in, okay. So by the end of this master class, you'll become aware of how you can identify your specific triggers, okay, and how you can support yourself specifically. So everyone's triggers are going to look and sound very differently and we're looking at how you can have different techniques. So, when you recognize this is happening, that instead of letting that experience completely hijack your mind and that you're in that fight or flight, you know how to recognize it and support yourself, and that you can almost calm your central nervous system down as well. Now, always with masterclasses, I understand because there's a lot of expected of us and even if you're watching the replay, I always sort of ask that you really have an open heart and an open mind. So you may have heard some of this information before, but it's about being receptive and learning new ways of doing things. Sometimes having a pen and paper can be really helpful for you, because you hear something and when you're writing it down, it helps to imprint that information into your subconscious mind as well. But you might be watching the replay, you might be out and about, and it's really just sort of being aware and then also just how you're going to apply this into your day-to-day life as well. So who am I right? So my name is Jen, and thank you all so much for coming today.
Speaker 1:I'm a stress and anxiety coach and I basically teach women specifically how they can change how they're responding to the stressors within their life so they don't burn themselves out. I'm a mum, I'm a carer, and this is something that I had to learn. I had a son who was very overwhelmed and was navigating his own responses, so I had to learn how to support myself. And it's not just about learning how to respond, it's looking at it from a very holistic perspective as well. So the outside world can be busy and chaotic, but I have to learn how to support myself internally so I can have that inner calm, if you want to call it that as well. And you can see by my credentials of where I have come from. So I have actually come from a background as a social worker, and those environments working in hospitals are highly contagious of stress, and I could see how stress was something that changed how people responded and basically how they managed in their day-to-day environments as well. And also this wasn't just how stress was interplaying for the people who were, you know, patients in the families. This was also what I noticed very predominantly was the staff. That if we are very empathic and very sensitive to our environments, that if we are very empathic and very sensitive to our environments, how that can actually play into our stress response and how we need to start really knowing how to support ourselves as well.
Speaker 1:So I want to talk about triggers Now. I'm going to talk about what actually is the definition of a trigger, so you have some of that information at hand as well. But basically, a trigger is something that, from a mental health and a trauma perspective, is anything that may bring about a painful memory back to the surface. So people who are from a trauma perspective will look at it from that perspective. First, when people are talking about a trigger, it could be a certain smell, and so when someone is, that can activate a response of almost reliving that trauma. Okay, but that's not what I focus on and I really wanted to just highlight what it is, so you have a really good understanding about what is a trigger, so you have a good concept of that within your sort of realm, but also that it can play that sometimes people don't know they have trauma until maybe a situation has occurred utilizing maybe one of their senses, so it could be something that they can smell, it could be an environment of an anchor, of that, and then they're sort of recalling certain memories back to the surface.
Speaker 1:Okay, now for the purposes of what I focus on is we're looking at triggers on a very different perspective. We're looking at anything that causes it could be an event, it could be a situation, a person that causes a response within your body that feels almost negative. And when we start really identifying what these triggers are and how they can affect and influence us, that can help us to have the evidence that, oh, these are the triggers that I'm noticing, right, so it's anything that evokes a strong emotional or physical response within you. Now, sometimes we might be like, oh, it's the in-laws or, you know, it's the traffic. But I really want you to really go a little bit deeper into that. Of what specifically is it about? Those you know personalities that triggers you, okay, those you know personalities that triggers you, okay, and this is also giving you some information about. Maybe you're feeling threatened, maybe you feel unsafe, and that's what triggers. So sometimes, when we can feel like we're being threatened, it feels like we're going into that fight or flight responses in our bodies as well. So what I want you to really think about is really think about and really, you know, have some time to what are those specific triggers and we'll have a look at it from sort of a wide range. So you've got all of that at hand.
Speaker 1:But basically, it could be that certain sounds so you might be very sensitive to sounds so a trigger could be that you know that from an auditory perspective, that can heighten your stress response. Okay, so it could be sounds, certain types of sounds may trigger you. So when it's really noisy and you feel unsafe or maybe you're trying to put your voice, you know your point across, right? So, really having a bit of a think about that, if you're thinking it's certain types of people really getting more specific about, what trait do you feel triggered about? And this is also giving us information about what we need to work on ourselves, of course, but what specifically is it? And sometimes it's to do with not feeling heard or listened or validated. Heard or listened or validated, and when people you know especially when it's sort of like extended family is, they may have a very sometimes some personalities are very sort of dominant, domineering, and that might feel quite unsafe for you. And so I want you to really think about very specifically what in that trait triggers that response within you. Okay, and we'll go into what you notice and how that looks for you, okay. So I want you to have a bit of a think about what are those triggers and I'll just give you a few moments now to really think about what those triggers are within your life.
Speaker 1:Sounds, events, situations, maybe certain, maybe something people say vocally could trigger you as well. Okay, it could be also when you get someone's says something nasty, right. So really thinking about what they are and having a bit of a write down of anything that you can think of evokes that really strong emotional or physical response within your body. So I'll just give you a few moments to have a little bit of a reflection, to write that down as well, and if you're watching the replay, you could sort of pause this and sort of have a bit of a think about either writing it you might be out and about so you can sort of just have a bit of a you know, closing your eyes, not when you're driving, obviously but really having a bit of a think about what they could be. So I'll just give you a few moments now. Thank you, okay.
Speaker 1:So that's giving you a bit of an idea and it's, you know, before we change anything, we have to identify what the problem is right, and that's really about what this is all about. It's identifying for you. We're thinking of triggers from the perspective of what's creating this response within your body. What do we notice that it activates a thought, what does it activate in terms of how you're behaving right and we're? Basically, it could be something, things that trigger, and then we're noticing that cascade of, you know, that domino effect. Okay, these are the thoughts that I have, these are the emotions that I have and these are, you know, the behaviors that I'm exhibiting outwards as well.
Speaker 1:So, in terms of our body's response, okay, from a stress perspective, it's when we're feeling threatened, okay. So in the situation that we're feeling triggered, we are going into a stress response, okay, that we have to start recognizing it so we can move out of it quicker. Else, if we hold on to that we're feeling, even a thought can create stress in the body which is super damaging as well. So from that perspective of how we're responding in those situations, so fight is like where you're feeling maybe someone says something and you feel like you've got to protect yourself because you're feeling threatened right. So it might be you're in defensive mode. It might be you're feeling threatened right, so it might be you're in defensive mode. It might be you're feeling agitated, yelling, shouting, right, and you feel like you've got to keep being in that sort of point of view. And everyone has to understand that we all have different ways of how our body responds to certain different you know different stimuli as well. So we've got the fight.
Speaker 1:Our flight response as well is when we're sort of we're seeing a particular danger occur or we feel under threatened, and that's when we're fleeing, we're sort of going okay, I'm seeing what's happening right, and I'm off. And we can think of it from the animal kingdom perspective when, you know, maybe it's I'm thinking, trying to think of a particular animal, so think of it like a springbrook or, you know, a gazelle and they can see a lion, or a gazelle and they can see a lion. So a body's response they might be like I have, there is no way I'm going to fight this lion, I'm going to die. I have to run. I'm faster than this lion. So their response is flight. I'm going to run and escape from this danger.
Speaker 1:Even if we're thinking of something as from the human perspective, as perceived danger. We may not be under threat from a survival perspective, but our brain might be feeling that someone saying something nasty is still putting a threat on us. So it's looking at it from that perspective, from a trauma perspective. Freeze is when our body is almost we disassociate and we're almost in a shutdown. And you know, everyone's got such a different way. Sometimes people are I actually can't say anything From more of a more subdued perspective. It could be that people procrastinate. They don't know what's happening, so sometimes we might be looking at distracting ourselves as well. So it's really about understanding, always about what that core need needs to be met and where you're feeling threatened or under threat, what in those situations, how it shows up for you.
Speaker 1:So I want you to really think about what you put down previously for your triggers and you wrote specifically if it was a sound or if it was a person, what specifically it was. And then I want you to think about in your body, what do you notice happening. Do you notice that maybe your heart beats a little bit quicker? Do you notice that your breathing changes? Do you maybe notice that you've got knots in your stomach and it feels really heavy, or you may feel nauseous, you may have a headache, and it's really about noticing and getting really specific about what signs and symptoms you're really seeing when these things happen. Okay, when you're feeling under threat, what do you notice? What you have just written down and really think about, what are the signs for me to start seeing that this is actually happening. So I'll just give you a few moments now to do that. You, okay, okay, so, um, thank you so much for sort of having a bit of a reflection and a review of those signs that you're noticing what's happening, and you could even go even further into that, that you could go into each of these of these stress responses. So what happens specifically when you're in a fight or flight? What do you do? Do you get agitated, do you yell? And you could sort of put it to each of those areas you've done even more. And what are you noticing?
Speaker 1:Okay, and it's about when we have all of this information at hand, we can start recognizing, because understanding, mastering your reactions it's about. Well, how am I just managing my stress? How do I manage when things don't go to plan? How am I supporting myself when someone says something really confronting, and what do I do? Right, it's about supporting yourself through that, because when we're in a really highly stressed state, we should never respond straight away. And we're living in a world of highly you know reactivity. We have access to our phones, we have access to technology, and so we have this perception that when we something has triggered us that we need to respond straight away. And so we don't want to respond straight away, okay, we want to understand what's happening within ourselves first, so we can have, we know, how to move out of it. And I'm going to give you some ways that we're going to move now into yes, you've got that recognition, you've got that identification of what are your specific triggers that may cause you to go into a stress response and then, before you do respond, have what you actually some things that may help you, that may help you.
Speaker 1:So, when we're in a really highly stressed state, we can project about, you know, we can project about what's going to happen in the future in this particular situation. We can, you know, hypothesize of what we think the other person is, and sometimes it can be quite on the negative, maladaptive perspective. So, quite sort of you know, this person's doing this. So sometimes, if we are noticing that what we have to do is we have to train ourselves when we're not in a stress state and connecting to the present moment. Now you may be like, oh, I've heard this before, but are you doing it? Are you embodying it? Okay, so, as humans, we really do struggle with this.
Speaker 1:As I said before, we're living in a highly reactive world, right, and what does being present actually mean? It is so hard because there are so many distractions. I bet, even if you're listening to this, your mind is thinking about oh gosh, have I done all of this to allow me to watch this? Okay, so when we notice this, it's not waiting for the situation to happen and then go oh gosh, what do I have to do now? It's training our bodies and our minds when we're actually in a, you know, a parasympathetic state. So we're in a feeling like that rest and restore. We're feeling calm, okay, and we can do that through our senses. So you can.
Speaker 1:Something that can be really helpful is even changing the state. So it could be that when, maybe twice a day, you have a little bit of a break, you can feel that you're getting a little bit distracted, put the kettle on or even just go outside and you can start doing some mindfulness about anchoring you to the present moment and when we can start looking at the present moment not what's happened in the past and what you said to Sally and what they're going to think about that or in the future. You know, oh gosh, and we're almost looking at the worst case scenario. That's a very sort of anxiety trait, right. So we almost need to start training ourselves now in that calm state.
Speaker 1:And you can see, here I have sort of an illustration of the brain and I've got sort of all the senses and that is so true. So what you can do is you can go for a mindful walk. So when you're going for a walk, you can start really noticing what can I see? So you might be like, okay, what can I see and people talk about it. You know, name five things that you can see and you could do that. You could go, okay, what are some five things that I can see? So that might be when you're more in that highly stressed state and you might just go outside and you just might look out your window and I'm looking out my window right now and I can see a blue sky. I can see the green leaves, but I can also I can see the wind is blowing it as well, because it's moving right. So it's like I can see that. What else can I see? And if you're out in the garden, what can I see? At the ground level? It could be I'm seeing ants or animals, really small things, and it's just looking down.
Speaker 1:And if you're someone who really finds that meditation's difficult, it's about practicing, how you can be more mindful in that moment. So it's about what you can and how maybe we can feel the ground underneath our feet. We can feel, maybe if we're sitting, how that feels, where the pressure is Okay, and you don't have to overcomplicate these things. It's about going. I want to start practicing when I'm feeling good, okay, because then in those stress states you have, your brain knows what to do. We want to do it more regularly. So it's creating that really clear neural pathway that, oh, I know what to do. Okay. So you can use something like this to really help you anchor into that present moment If you're sort of projecting or you're feeling really reactivity and you're feeling like you want to sort of call, you know, it's world war three happening right.
Speaker 1:So if we notice that we need to start teaching our body how to get away from this, you know, away from that stress state, into the parasympathetic nervous system, okay, and I love this little, you know this little boy. He's sort of doing his meditation, he's doing those long exhales. So, again, you're not waiting for the stressful situation to happen. We're looking at opportunities within your day that you can do this. So it's like when you're in the car.
Speaker 1:This is a really beautiful way that you can actually activate your parasympathetic nervous system, slowing down your breath. So it might be with that the lights turn red and you're closing your eyes. Well, you can't close your eyes, you just might count in for four counts and then you might just exhale out through the mouth for four counts. You might just do that a few times. Oh, I thought I was going to sneeze, sorry about that. So you, we want to start basically giving that body. You know, we talk about um body memory, um, that memory, and um mind and memory, um, memory, I can't even think of it. But basically we want to start teaching our body. Oh, I know how to breathe Now. You're breathing all the time, but when you're in a stress state, you're in that sympathetic state. You might notice your shoulders are all clumped. You might notice that you're breathing really upper respiratory and really quickly and you're inhaling a lot but you're not really exhaling.
Speaker 1:So a beautiful way that you can actually activate your parasympathetic nervous system is just slowing down the breath. It sounds simple. Your brain might be like this sounds too simple. Like you know, there must be more to this and there isn't. We need to exhale. When you exhale longer, you're activating it. So when you're looking for opportunities, it's like at the lights, I'm just going to do some box breathing in for four counts, hold, exhale out for four counts, hold, etc. We want to start doing that. We want to slow down the breath. We want to do this more regularly. We want to start doing that. We want to slow down the breath. We want to do this more regularly, okay, and so in those situations that an event has happened, and sometimes we can't change the event and we'll go through this very shortly we can't change the event, but we can change how we can support our nervous system, okay.
Speaker 1:So when maybe someone has said something and they've given maybe bad feedback or they've said something really hurtful, instead of going in when we're in that really responsive and emotional state, the first thing we need to do is really support our nervous system. Now, the previous slide about being mindful, and in the present moment that might be really difficult. So what you might need to do is you might say I'll come back to that. Thank you for your point, I need to go. Or you may not even say anything and you might go and collect yourself and then work out how you want to respond. Okay, because a lot of the time we're communicating via email, we don't have to respond straight away. Even if we have a phone call, we don't have to respond straight away. Even if there is someone there, we don't have to respond straight away. We need to support ourselves first, calm our central nervous system. So then we're not in that highly emotional state. So we are. We're able to think from a different perspective as well. Okay, makes sense, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So I always like to show the power of what I do as well, the power of what I do. So people have an idea that it's it's such an important journey. So one of my beautiful clients, verity, she found she had trouble prioritizing herself and staying true to her values, right. Sometimes we find that really difficult, which made her hesitant to vest time and money in seeking support. With my guidance, we address these concerns by implementing personalized strategies and practical tools to tailor to schedule and her budget, and she feels empowered and supported with our nurturing community and prioritizing her self-care. So she's staying aligned with her values, okay, and she's so grateful for her journey and support that she has received as well. That she has received as well.
Speaker 1:So something that is really supportive is we may not be able to certain situations happen. What we've got to start programming ourselves is how we perceive that event. So you can see on the left this is my coach yourself formula and I can send that through to you if you're wanting this. But basically you can see here situations so we can start looking at situations, event or stimuli that may cause a trigger within us. Then that cascades to a thought Okay, these thoughts are so. For example, maybe the situation is someone says something really hurtful. Okay, the thought might be oh, I can't believe they said that. Then I want you to really understand the difference between the thought and your emotion. So we need to look at what are the feelings and the emotions that that has evoked. What are the physical, you know physiological effects? So you're looking at what is the emotion. I feel so hurt. I feel, you know how could they say something so upsetting? I feel, you know, really sad.
Speaker 1:The behavior outcome, okay, is basically how you're responding. Now, if you're in a highly triggered state, this could change. If you support yourself first, work out, collect yourself and then you're able to respond, it's going to change the outcome. It's going to change how you feel about it. Okay, okay, may not change the actual event, but you might go support yourself, collect yourself, and it might just be that you are doing activities that support your parasympathetic nervous system. You're going out, you're changing the scene, you're looking at it from a different perspective and lens. Then you're able to sort of see what you know, what are the feelings that you want to have in this, and it may be that sometimes we can't respond straight away. We need time and sometimes things people may come from a good place. Even if they don't understand it, they may be going through their own stuff as well. We've got to understand that. Okay, when they're going through their own situation and things like that, that can impact their ability of doing it. So just because they're doing it, we can change how we're perceiving that event. So what we need to start doing is training our body how to support ourselves, how to support our nervous system.
Speaker 1:Okay, and we may need to go and have a moment to process those emotions and those feelings. It's not denying those emotions and I think sometimes we go, oh, I just have to not think it. It could be that you need time to process and it could be I'm feeling really upset, right, I'm feeling this. I'm feeling, but it's also acknowledging that emotion that's coming about. I feel angry. I feel angry because they are a close friend or they're someone that I trust at work and they've said this. And, without judgment, without going into the whole story or narrative, you're just looking at it from that what you're noticing, and just seeing the emotion, because that's normal. We all have different emotions. So when we can start recognizing and just sitting with that feeling and learning how to do that, then when those situations happen, we have the tools accessible to us to know how to move out of it much quicker. Okay, so the coach yourself formula is really helpful and I go through this really like.
Speaker 1:Like this is something that I teach my clients, and it takes time because we have to do a lot of subconscious work as well. We have to, instead of think people think they need more information, we sometimes have to release these, the beliefs that we have. That may be impacting how we are responding, because we are a people pleaser and we may not change what I said about events. But we can go back and do some timeline therapy to look at how you're responding, how you see that now, what you can learn from that situation, and then you sometimes can come back from more of a compassionate lens as well. So obviously there is so much to learn in terms of how we're responding to ourselves, how stress shows up and how we can, you know, calm our central nervous system.
Speaker 1:Right, you're obviously this is like a very small slither of what I do, but you're identifying now, what specifically are your triggers? How you can recognize, like, what are the signs that it shows up, what are the early signs? Okay, so you can start recognizing. Sometimes people may recognize I'm feeling something in my body and then when you can start looking at, okay, these are what's happening physiologically to my body, and then it may be that, oh, it was this trigger, right. So sometimes we just have to have all of that data accessible to us and then you've got some ways that you can support yourself.
Speaker 1:So we've explored in this masterclass. We've explored the identification of the triggers for you, the fight or flight response, how that, what happens specifically for you. And it's also about learning how to train your body now, not waiting for the chaos to hit. Doing this now when you're in that calm state of practicing mindfulness, of learning how to be in the present moment and that's something that is really hard for when people experience anxiety or anxiety symptoms, okay, so when we can start teaching ourselves, that can be really supportive. And then about learning how to get activated into the parasympathetic nervous system. We've also explored about how you may not be able to change that event, but how you can change how you may not be able to change that event, but how you can change how you're thinking or responding and your behaviors as well Amazing, thank you.
Speaker 1:So imagine you could balance the demands of your busy lifestyle without letting stress build up to the point where you feel constantly on the verge of exploding. You had short, easy to digest ideas and they fit into your daily routine, right. You're cooking, cleaning or going for a walk, and it's basically you know. You're eliminating all the books, subscriptions, therapy sessions and podcasts, so you can save both time and money and you could prioritize yourself and your well-being. Right, and that you need support without feeling guilt or shame. And managing your stress was not only practical but convenient. What you're doing, or two, you attempt to figure it out independently. Looking at you know, investing countless hours, trial and error, looking on the internet, experimenting All three. You allow me to lead you through a straightforward framework to help you learn how to calm your central nervous system, even when the outside world is chaotic, so you can thrive.
Speaker 1:In my coaching as a stress and anxiety coach, we look at three things. The first thing is we balance the mind, so we need to understand the dynamics of your stress and anxiety. What we do is we do a personalized stress audit Okay, and we have recommendations to support your symptoms and how they're showing up. We use this through Ayurveda, nlp, like counseling, all of those things to really support you. We look at how stress impacts your well-being, your relationships, finances and decisions Okay, and we look at techniques for creating more of a balanced lifestyle Okay. So this is before we can, like, add hundreds of things to your life. We need to understand how stress is playing.
Speaker 1:The second thing we do and this is sometimes forgotten is we actually rewire the subconscious mind, so we have to release a lot of the subconscious blocks that may be actually blocking your progress and your reactivity. So, instead of learning a hundred things, we have to release a lot of those old programs that are not working for you, so you can actually create more empowering beliefs that are aligned with your values, right, that are aligned to what's important to you, and you know how to self-coach. You know how to emotionally regulate yourself, right. So, instead of being in reactivity, you're going to responsiveness and to support yourself, and you're learning the power of letting go of control without being inhibited by anxiety. Okay, now, this is something that is so important and people think you just add a hundred things, which is super stressful and anxiety provoking for people who experience anxiety and stress is actually doing this element and the last pillar that we look at is so you can thrive.
Speaker 1:We look at what daily routines are going to actually support your stress and anxiety symptoms, and these are tailored to your dosha, your mind, constitution as well, and we're looking at techniques to help you move out of a survival mode so you can experience growth and fulfillment in all parts of your life. Okay, so that you can embrace all of these things, these challenges, and you can look at them as opportunities, okay, okay. So I want to just say thank you all so much for coming to today. I'm so grateful for all of you, beautiful souls and anyone who's watching the replay. I'm thankful for you as well, and if this is something that you would like more support, then reach out and we can organize a chat to see if coaching is going to be supportive of you, and I can also send to you the coach yourself formula as well. Have the most beautiful day and thank you everyone for coming bye.