Doing Divorce Right By Chief PeaceKeeper™ Scott Levin
Scott Levin is a divorce attorney and divorce financial expert who has dedicated his career to helping couples and parents resolve disputes through mediation so they stay out of court and stay in control. Protecting children is at the heart of Scott's work as a mediation divorce specialist. Scott shares tips and advice for couples and parents wanting to learn how to divorce amicably without going to court. As a family law attorney in San Diego, California, Scott has more than two decades of experience and stories and tales to share and an incredible array of unique and interesting guests that join him to share their own ideas and experiences. We discuss the benefits of divorce mediation and the reasons why couples navigating divorce should choose peace and opt for the mediation process as opposed to hiring divorce lawyers and entering the litigation battlefield. Known by colleagues and clients as the Chief PeaceKeeper™, Scott is the founder and managing partner of San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law, a firm with hundreds of 5 star reviews from couples who have benefitted from Scott's legal and financial expertise and caring approach over his many years in the field. Learn strategies to tackling divorce and co-parenting disputes through a team approach with Scott Levin.
Doing Divorce Right By Chief PeaceKeeper™ Scott Levin
Crafting Collaborative Outcomes in Conflict with Alice Shikina's Wisdom
Get ready to unlock the secrets of successful conflict resolution with the expertise of Alice Shikina. In our work as dispute resolvers, we must have a knack for navigating the complex realm of human disagreements. Together with your host, Scott Levin, the Chief Peacekeeper, we journey into the heart of mediation, uncovering the subtle art of transforming disputes into opportunities for growth and understanding.
Tune in for a session that not only promises to alter your perspective on resolving conflicts but may also inspire you to see the potential for win-win outcomes in your personal and professional life. With Alice's sage advice and our shared passion for peace, this episode is a masterclass in turning contention into collaboration.
Scott Levin is a family law attorney in San Diego, CA. As a mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and the founder of San Diego Divorce Mediation. Mr. Levin uses his business and legal background to help parties resolve conflict and move forward. Learn more about Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin
Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.
As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.
Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.
Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
scottlevinmediation@gmail.com
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net
Hi everybody, this is Scott Levin, Chief Peacekeeper, and I am here today with my good friend and fellow mediator extraordinaire, Alice Shakina. How are you, Alice?
Speaker 2:I'm doing great. Thanks for having me, Scott.
Speaker 1:So yeah, of course. Well, thank you. We just spoke for like a half hour. We could talk forever, but I know we're going to try to keep this to 10 minutes and I just wanted to talk a little bit. First of all, I know Alice from Provisors. We're both Provisors members and she's in the Bay Area. I'm down in San Diego, so kind of shows the power of Provisors. But we've really hit it off. Alice and I talked tips strategy. I consult with her about cases that I'm working on. She really has the magic sauce and I just kind of thought that we could talk for a few minutes, alice, about what we actually do in mediation when you have two parties with opposing views, about whatever we're there to help resolve. And you know how do we as mediators and how do you as a mediator, extraordinaire work to help people resolve their disputes, and I just thought we could talk some about some tips and tricks and you know the actual work of mediation for a few minutes.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. I like to think of the role of a mediator as an investigator, right. So I'm there to ask a ton of questions. I ask as many questions as I can possibly come up with because I'm really trying to find out what is really going on, because people don't come in telling us what's really going on, even though they think they are. Like. Sometimes people don't even realize what their own interests are, and so by asking a lot of questions we slowly get to the answer, and when we get to that answer, then we can start giving solutions to the actual problem. So that's sort of how I, at least initially, approach the problem.
Speaker 1:And so when two people like in the context of any mediation I guess you know what sort of probes you are they open ended questions, do you? How do you get people to feel comfortable and kind of open up to you, you know, and to get the conversation started?
Speaker 2:So two things no judgment and lots of warmth and positivity. So when people come in, I'm smiling, even if it's a divorce. I'm smiling, at least not like I'm super happy, but very warm and friendly and inviting. And I want to make sure that I am not judging anyone. I teach communication skills and one of the things I always ask is I say, how many of you in this room have felt judged by someone even though they didn't say anything, and almost 100% of the hands go up, no matter where I am and who I'm going to?
Speaker 2:So in the same way, if you're a mediator and you're like sizing people up, you know you figure oh, this is that husband is like obviously been really mean to the wife or this is a narcissistic spouse or anything, any thoughts like that. You're going to already wreck your husband. So you have to be very open minded and you have to really like both people equally. That is like the very beginning, when they walk through the door, like you really should like, really like them, be warm, be friendly and just, you know, give them a feeling of love, right, that you, that you respect them as a human being, that you hear what they're saying, and that's really, really important. Without that, everything sort of starts sliding sideways, wouldn't you agree?
Speaker 1:I totally agree and you know it's interesting that, um, you know, you can make two people feel Like they've won, even know they've changed their mind and come to an agreement that they didn't think that they were going to. Um, and it's all about, you know, bringing in the people, uh, you know, trying to genuinely help, um them move forward with whatever they're, you know, trying to move forward with in a way that, um, that they understand that if they do this they're really winning, even though they thought that that would be a loss when they first walked in the door. And it's a really interesting Kind of approach and thing that that both of us see happening, happening all the time.
Speaker 2:Yes, I absolutely love that's that my magic wand is.
Speaker 2:My magic wand changes people's perspectives, and so what I really like to do is point out when they are winning and, if I have to, I'll put them in separate rooms so that I can say look, if you get this, this is a win, and here's why. But in order to be able to do that, I have to understand what it is that they really really want, and I say if you really want this, then this other, this agreement that you're going to come to, is actually a win. And here's why and once I lay it out to them a lot of times they'll be like oh, I didn't really think of it that way. Right, it's just, it's shifting the perspective just a little bit, and it's like thinking about a ship. When you're, when you're driving a very large ship, all you have to do is change the angle two degrees and two miles later, it's a very, very different outcome of where they landed, right. So I think of what I do as shifting a couple of degrees so that they will land in a very different direction later on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the in those. You know any, any victory, any win that you can have in bringing people together, you know, even as, however small, is a win. So that's totally like. You know I love that two degree Angle and over the, you know, two degree angle over the course of the entire Atlantic Ocean. You know, put someone on a whole new trajectory and what we're really trying to do is put people on new trajectories, get rid of the. You know being under the pressure of a litigation or a lawsuit Of any kind, you know is really can be a disruptive thing in someone's life. So you know money is one thing, but moving forward peace, you know what's best for their kids. You know, prospected a new life. You know all these things need to be considered and I love how you know you start by, you know, diving deep into those sort of questions so that you can find out what the person really wants, whether they know it or not the other thing that I like to Compare what I do.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I'll be mediating and there'll be attorneys in the room and I always think about. Attorneys are looking at everything through a microscope. They want to make sure that everything is airtight, that things are done correctly, so in order to do that, they're using microscopes. You can't see the same thing if you're looking through a telescope and I feel like I'm the person looking through the telescope and so I can see the much larger picture. So very frequently if I'm brainstorming, I can throw out ideas and help the parties, because I'm looking at it from a very, very different perspective from both the parties and their attorneys. I have a very different perspective. It's like looking through the telescope, and so frequently I can offer something and everyone in the room is like that's actually a good idea. We never thought of it, and they won't have thought of it because of the fact that they're coming from different perspectives.
Speaker 1:And you know what, what I realized now that I look back on my life, as I was always kind of a mediator, like you know, growing up, even third, fourth grade I was always a problem solver, always trying to bring people together, do you have kind of, when you look back on your life, are you surprised that you ended up in this sort of profession, or does it really to kind of line up with, like what you know, what your personality really was fit for?
Speaker 2:So I would never really played the role of a mediator, but I always played the role of a therapist, so I was the person where my friends came and told me about whatever their problems they're having.
Speaker 2:But I have to say, one of the things that definitely is translating back to my mediation practice is that I have not held judgment against people, and so I think in my entire life people are always comfortable coming to me and telling me about their deepest, darkest secrets.
Speaker 2:And when I tell other people like oh yeah, I hear people's secrets, many people don't believe me. They're like why would someone just tell you this if they've met you like once or twice? And I say I don't know, but they do, they trust me, and they tell me you know some of their darkest secrets. And then they asked me for advice or support or help, and so I think that is definitely what makes me a really good mediator, because, regardless of who I am mediating with, I always leave judgment at the door. I never let it come in. I don't let it affect my thoughts, I don't let it affect my actions and the way I treat people. I really want to treat everyone with respect, equally, and you know, I want everyone to feel like we are on the same level. I don't want anyone to ever think that I am better than them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that really. I mean, what you say is true. You have all those things about your personality are definitely true from what I've experienced and tell us a little bit about the panel that you're. You're speaking on a panel for the what's organization, I'm sorry. Then they the one Canada. Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's. It's in British Columbia, it's the virtual mediation conference and I'm speaking in a few hours. So I'll be talking about two different things. One is for the unconference, and that one is about how my theater practice and my past informs my mediation practice, and the other is going to be about my experience teaching conflict transformation to the incarcerated in the Redwood City Jails.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's really cool. If people want to get ahold of you where, how do they find you? Can you tell us you know? Give us your information real quick.
Speaker 2:Yes, they can find me at Alice shakinacom. Shakina is spelled S H I K I N A. They can also email me at Alice dot shakina at gmailcom. Perfect, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
