Doing Divorce Right By Chief PeaceKeeper™ Scott Levin
Scott Levin is a divorce attorney and divorce financial expert who has dedicated his career to helping couples and parents resolve disputes through mediation so they stay out of court and stay in control. Protecting children is at the heart of Scott's work as a mediation divorce specialist. Scott shares tips and advice for couples and parents wanting to learn how to divorce amicably without going to court. As a family law attorney in San Diego, California, Scott has more than two decades of experience and stories and tales to share and an incredible array of unique and interesting guests that join him to share their own ideas and experiences. We discuss the benefits of divorce mediation and the reasons why couples navigating divorce should choose peace and opt for the mediation process as opposed to hiring divorce lawyers and entering the litigation battlefield. Known by colleagues and clients as the Chief PeaceKeeper™, Scott is the founder and managing partner of San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law, a firm with hundreds of 5 star reviews from couples who have benefitted from Scott's legal and financial expertise and caring approach over his many years in the field. Learn strategies to tackling divorce and co-parenting disputes through a team approach with Scott Levin.
Doing Divorce Right By Chief PeaceKeeper™ Scott Levin
Debbie Zeichner's Guide to Empowering Parents Across Different Households
January is child-centered divorce month. To help stress to those in the midst of separation with children, we hope to help explain how coparents succeed following the divorce by navigating the process collaborative through mediation.
Struggle with the rollercoaster of parenting? You're not alone. Sit down with me, Scott Levin, a California family law attorney, as we navigate the parental labyrinth with Debbie Zeichner, a revered parent coach.
This episode isn't just a beacon for those walking the parenting path in calm seas; it's a lifeline during the storms of co-parenting post-divorce. We shine a light on the reality of differing household rules and the dance of managing our children's digital worlds. You'll gain insight into fostering supportive environments and master the art of effective communication. Debbie imparts wisdom on respecting boundaries, relinquishing control, and tuning in to our children's perspectives. If you're seeking to fortify a healthier, happier home life and instill peace and joy within your family dynamics, this candid conversation with Debbie Zeichner is an essential listen.
Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.
As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.
Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.
Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
scottlevinmediation@gmail.com
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net
Hi everybody, my name is Scott Levin. I am the founding partner at San Diego divorce mediation and family law and we are continuing our speaker series this afternoon with Debbie Zeichner. Thank you, Debbie.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:Of course, debbie is the parent coach in Southern California. She's a licensed clinical social worker and she has some amazing upcoming free online seminars under the title becoming a powered parent, and I just thought that actually starts tomorrow, as we're going to talk about. So, debbie, what can, what can people expect to learn? How can they participate? Tell us a little more about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely Well. Again, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited that we were able to connect and I'm thrilled to be here and share anything that I can to support parents. Yeah, so I put together this online parenting series, which is free. The series offers 29 parenting experts some of the top parenting experts who are coming together to just share their gifts and their wisdom and their research based tips and tools and insights that are really, you know, offered to support parents and raising kids who are confident, who are kind and compassionate and resilient and emotionally healthy.
Speaker 2:And so much of what we're going to be talking about, you know the title is becoming an empowered parent expert tools for embracing imperfection, building connection and creating more peace and joy in your family.
Speaker 2:So we're really talking about how we can start to reduce our own, you know, impatience and frustration and overwhelm and guilt and shame and all of that which oftentimes gets in the way of us being able to show up as the empowered parents that I think we're truly meant to be. So, each day, there will be two different interviews that are released. They're all pre recorded so parents can watch them or listen to them at their leisure, but to interviews are released per day on a whole variety of topics. So I always say to parents if you have a baby, if you have a young child, a preteen or teen, there's something for you, because our speakers are really covering just a wide range of topics, from tantrums to sibling rivalry, to anti racism, to raising mixed race teens, to raising teens, to just all sorts of things. We got a really amazing lineup that that I've been able to put together, so I'm really proud and excited to be able to offer it.
Speaker 1:And I'm excited I signed up myself. Now where can, where can people watch it? Just so they can figure that out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely so. It's becoming an empowered parent, calm, and there. You just sign up and then you should receive an email that I've also included a free journal that goes along with it. So each speaker has their own page. So parents can, you know, kind of follow along right down there and just biggest takeaways, things that they want to try. So that that goes along with it. And also, the other cool thing is that so many not all, but many many of the speakers are offering a free gift. So that's really cool too is just a way for parents to be able to take advantage of so much of the knowledge and wisdom that is out there and just get some support, especially with all that's going on in our world right now. I just this was an opportunity to just offer some support for parents everywhere. So, yeah, really excited about it.
Speaker 1:First of all, thank you for putting that together. It's going to be amazing and you know we actually put my two kids, or two of my older kids sorry, I have three in camp because you know we only go so long. My wife works, I work, etc. And yesterday we got a call from the camp saying that one of the counselors had been exposed to coven and was taking a test and so hit my one of my sons whole week. A camp was just erased and that is just. I can imagine that's going to happen. You know what's that saying? Like we make plans and God laughs or whatever. Like that's going to happen next school year. I mean it's going to be a rocky road for all of us with younger kids and kids in school, and so everyone needs the support and to to educate ourselves.
Speaker 2:So yeah, there's a lot of anxiety and a lot of uncertainty out there right now, and so I think you know now more than ever is the time for all of us to come together and try to figure out how we can be there for ourselves and how we can be there for each other.
Speaker 1:So, also as you, know I work mainly in the in the field of divorce and marriage and family loss, so that's kind of what I do on a daily basis. I really thought that something you said resonated with me the last time we spoke, so I don't know if you remember and one of the reasons I wanted to have you on today was basically, you know, in divorce it's very hard for parents post divorce a lot of times to be on the same page. But you said something that gave that I've been repeating to my clients over and over and over and I just want to know more about that, which is basically you know, do parents have to be on the same page whether they're married or divorced?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, I think it's one of those really tricky things, because I think we have these ideas and these expectations that you know, parents have to be on the same page and be this united friends, and while I think that's certainly ideal and while I think that's certainly important, it's not always realistic and, especially when parents are going through separation or divorce, oftentimes they're not able to be on the same page, right, and so I think we strive to be able to communicate with each other, for, you know, I try to help parents be able to listen to each other, so, as I know you do to understand where their children are coming from, understand what their children's needs are, so that they can do their best to kind of meet somewhere in the middle. And, at the same time, it's being able to understand and know that. You know households run a bit differently, and that's okay, right, kids don't need it to be exactly the same that moms and that dads. Kids are very smarts. They're also very resilient, right, and they're very quick to learn and understand what the rules are. Right, this is how things are at mom's house. This is how things are at dad's house, right, and being able to adjust, which in so many ways is kind of how life is right.
Speaker 2:When we send our kids out into the world, they need to be able to adjust and adapt to a variety of situations. So when we're able to, when we're able to experience that with guidance, with support, with at least one parent who's able to recognize yeah, I know it's really hard, you're able to do that at dad's house and I'm not okay with that and that's really frustrating right, that's how we can help and guide and support our kids through. That is recognizing that. You know, even though the rules aren't the same, sometimes that transition can be confusing for kids, and so if we know that and there's at least, as I said, one parent who's able to support their child through that, that can be really helpful and create a healthier outcome for the child.
Speaker 1:And so that I think that is such incredible advice because, as I see it, often with the issue of technology and we all know that that's not going to go away so a lot of my clients, for example, will call me post-divorce and say I need to have a mediation session because I hear I mean this is. I hear this all the time.
Speaker 1:I don't want my sons playing Fortnite and my ex lets them play Fortnite and, and so they're like living two parallel lives. And when they come to my house, they all they want to, all they kind of do, is sour on me because I don't let them play Fortnite. What should we do? So how would you in that case? What would be some of your general suggestions, with an issue like that?
Speaker 2:I think the first thing is just recognizing that we only that we can't control another person as much as we want to dictate how things are going to be at the other's home. We have zero control over that. All we have control over is how we choose to parent, the limits and boundaries that we choose to establish. That's all we have to control, right? And so once we can let go of this idea that we're going to control and manage how our child's life is and design our child's life and where they are and everything's going to be exactly as we want, it's impossible, it's unrealistic and it's unrealistic and it's unreasonable, right? So once we can let go of that, drop our agenda, focus on what is our control, which is how we choose to do things at our house. That tends to lessen kind of that intensity and anxiety, right, which then lessens the intensity and anxiety that our child experiences from us, right? So we can certainly voice our concerns about. Hey, listen, like I know, you really are allowing a lot of video games at your house. I'm not allowing them at my house, and here's why. Here's what I found. Here's what the research says the X is going to do, what the X is going to do right. So I think we can do our best to explain the reasons why. And when our child comes back to our house expecting the endless hours of fortnight, that's when we can really connect with our child and say I know that is really frustrating because I know you get to watch fortnight at your mom's house, or I know you get to watch fortnight at your dad's house and here you know I'm not okay with that. So that's hard and I hear you. So let's see how we can make this work for both of us.
Speaker 2:Or, you know, even just validating how our child feels, because oftentimes when our child comes to us with a complaint, you know you're not doing this, dad, lets me do this. You know, oftentimes it's natural to kind of that defensiveness rises in us, right, and we start to go into logic. Well, this is why and I can't believe he's letting you do that, right and we kind of get into this like blame game, which is only, you know, hurtful for the child and actually doesn't allow the child to feel fully hurt, because really what they're saying is it's not fair, right, which gives us an opportunity to say you know what you're right, it's not fair, and I know that that must be really hard. You wish you could do that more. You wish you could do that more here, and let's figure out what you can do.
Speaker 2:Right, so the folks right. So then the child's like, oh so, the child doesn't get exactly what they want, but they get a child, but they get a parent who at least sees them, hears them and understands where they're coming from. And when they feel seen and heard and understood and accepted, there's less need to battle, there's less need to fight, right? So, yeah, they might be disappointed, at which point you say, yeah, I know, I get it.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what? I think everyone watching this now knows why. She is the parenting coach in Southern California and beyond, and, and I know that we could go on and on, but I actually just want, I would love our viewers to tune into the Becoming an Empowered Parent series that starts tomorrow, tuesday, july. What is that? Nine?
Speaker 1:July 7th 7th, sorry, yeah, and and I mean those answers were so incredible and I thank you so much for just spending a couple minutes with us. I know you're busy and I hope that we can continue this conversation again soon, and we'll hit on a whole bunch of other fun topics in the meantime, so thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you again. Bye everyone.
