Doing Divorce Right By Chief PeaceKeeper™ Scott Levin

The Co-Parenting Secret: How to Build Peace After Divorce with Jon Bassford

• Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin, Esq CDFA

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Jon Bassford joins Mediator and Chief PeaceKeeper™ Scott Levin to share The Co-Parenting Secret—his powerful story of transforming conflict into cooperation after divorce. Together, we explore how curiosity, empathy, and a child-first mindset can turn even the hardest separations into opportunities for peace and growth.

Drawing from his personal journey co-parenting with his former spouse, Jon shares how curiosity and compassion helped him build a peaceful, child-centered relationship grounded in mutual understanding rather than control. Together, Jon and Scott explore the principles of peacekeeping mediation, emotional intelligence, and the daily choices that help families heal and thrive after separation.

🕊️ A must-listen for anyone navigating co-parenting, family conflict, or the path to harmony after divorce.

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For other parenting and mediation resources, visit our online co-parenting library for book suggestions, podcasts, great videos, and just a collection of the best, unique, educational sources found anywhere on the web. 



Thanks for listening and I hope you'll continue to learn more about how you can peacefully divorce.

As a divorce mediation attorney in California, Scott Levin helps couples figure out the settlement terms and draft enforceable settlement agreements so they can divorce fairly without needing to go to court. Obtain closure peacefully through an amicable divorce. process that protects families and kids.

Visit San Diego Divorce Mediation for more information and to learn more about our mission to help divorcing couples make informed decisions and fair agreements through mediation or book a free virtual consultation.

Scott Levin, attorney, mediator, CDFA®
Chief PeaceKeeper
scottlevinmediation@gmail.com
858-255-1321
San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law
www.SanDiegoFamilyLawyer.net




SPEAKER_01:

Hey everyone, this is Scott Levin, Chief Peacekeeper. I'm here with John Brad uh Bassford, sorry. Um uh John wrote a book called The Co-Parenting Secret, but it's not necessarily his day-to-day job in the in the co-parenting world. He has a really interesting uh background. He has a big business. He he's a uh someone that we're gonna learn about right now. But um, John, what led you to kind of delve into the co-parenting and and thought-provoking in the family law space? So how how did you enter that? How did you decide to do that?

SPEAKER_00:

Sure. So I mean, actually, you know, simply I was constantly being asked, um, you know, how is co-parenting your ex-wife? Because a lot of people knew that our relationship did not end the best. And I got tired of saying, great, we could write a book on co-parenting. And so I actually decided to do it. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_01:

So did you write it from like beginning to end?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So um, you know, I really take people through a journey. Uh, you know, I start with my personal story, uh, growing up in a two-home situation, uh, talk about our situation, me and my ex-wife, because I think it's important, you know, when you read some of the stuff in my book about what we'd be able to create in co-parenting, it sounds like a fairy tale. Um, you know, my ex-wife came to my my current wife's wedding. So did her parents, so did her uncles, right? We we sit next to each other at sporting events. And I didn't want to paint this picture that we just, you know, had this fairy tale separation and in marriage and and talked about how, you know, there was a lot of bitterness, there was anger when we got divorced, when we separated, uh, you know, hashing everything out. Um, but once that all ended, we were very, very intentional about what kind of co-parent relationship we wanted to start.

SPEAKER_01:

How did when you, if you mind me asking, did you navigate a the divorce process in uh out of court, like in mediation or with two lawyers and kind of in the court process?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so even kind of backing up before that, I mean, we spent the last four to six years of marriage and counseling, uh, and agreed to divorce and counseling. Uh, and then we both got our separate attorneys, hashed everything out. Uh, and you know, there was really just kind of two sticking points custody and and the house buyout, uh, that that you know, we took a little time to hash out. It took about four months from from the time we agreed to separate to the separation agreement was final. Uh, but uh, you know, we we you know once everything all that was done and you know we submitted to the courts and you know here in Montgomery County, Maryland, you know, once you submit your separation agreement, you just go to court and have that rubber stamped, right? So it's a pretty easy process once we agreed on everything.

SPEAKER_01:

How um do you have uh did you have more than one kid or one kid uh at the time?

SPEAKER_00:

One kid, one kid, one and done.

SPEAKER_01:

And uh I don't I'm not trying to pry too much, I'm just trying to get an understanding of like what was he uh a teenager, was he young, like less than eight or ten, or where was he?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh young. Uh he was he was a year and a half when we separated. Uh so he has only known a two-home environment.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow, that's pretty um interesting. I mean, I deal with uh, you know, as a mediation lawyer, uh my wife is a co-parenting specialist, so her and I help people do what you do, what you've accomplished, um, kind of on the on the daily. But um, but a lot of those folks um, you know, uh generally kind of have like, hey, uh we're not gonna do like 9010 custody, right? Like they've already kind of have like an understanding of some sort that like they're there to like, you know, both be in the kids' lives. So it's much harder when obviously that's not the case. Um it's pretty awesome that you guys were able to navigate. What are some of the um what are some of the pitfalls that you didn't um know about when you first did your settlement that came up later at that you had to navigate without you know the attorneys or without any professionals? Uh or unless you are you still doing like co-parenting courses together?

SPEAKER_00:

No, so we never did any courses or anything, you know, even in the book I talk about you know creating a co-parenting plan, but was you know very honest that we did not have one. You know, we you know, I I talk about co-printing plan and given some suggestions on how to create one and and what to put in there, but you know, we just kind of learned as we as we went along. Um, and uh, you know, for uh for us again, it was really just mainly two issues there at the end, which was uh bite out of the house and and the custody. And quite frankly, I wanted to try to get as close to 50-50 custody as possible. Uh, just again, you know, again, for my my upbringing of an 80s kid in divorce, you know, it was your typical mom had education, health, physical, sick, carpool, and dad had every other weekend for fun, you know, with no real responsibilities, right? And that's that's kind of how I saw that arrangement. And I didn't want that. I knew that if I was given the out of not having real responsibility, I wouldn't. And I didn't want that. I wanted I wanted my son to have a different different relationship with me. Um, and so we we came to an agreement ended up being 60-40. But now, actually, with some changes we made, it is is almost exactly 50-50, if not leading my direction a little bit more. Because I also do, because I'm self-employed consultant work from home, she's a pediatric nurse practitioner with patients. So if there's a sick day, a snow day, whatever, I take it because I had the flexibility.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Um, uh, do you what do you think about um in mediation? What I or when I'm talking to people about like why mediation and all that, uh, I often say, like, listen, um, when you have a custody um like parenting terms put on you by a court or another lawyer, you don't abide by them, basically. Like you kick and scream after the divorce and you show up late. You you don't trade off, you take more time, you do what you want because you had someone tell you how you were gonna parent. What are your thoughts about that? Do you think that people that are able to kind of set their plans together uh at the beginning are able uh more so to follow through on those plans?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I definitely agree with that. Uh, you know, again, you know, for the most part, we we came, you know, ended up coming to a pretty good agreement on on how everything would work. And again, you know, we we came to you know with a very intentional understanding that we were both going to be in each other's lives, like like families, everything, like we're all going to sporting events, we're all going to school events, right? There was no your time and my time, it was our kids' time, right? So, so again, coming into that intentional agreement of of how we want to play this out absolutely makes a difference. And I will even say on the flip side of that, that you know, when you create, go into creating an intentional co-parent relationship where it just gels well, all the initial agreements just go out the window, right? Because you're there for each other. You're help, you help out when she needs help, she helps out when you need help. And the I obviously never tell anyone to disregard a legal document or court document here, but when you truly is working well in gelling, all the leader legal stuff goes away.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, it's it's kind of like uh if the shit hits the fan agreement, really. Like if you aren't uh if you aren't aligned, if your communication breaks down, at least having a plan, you know, get make sure that you know when you're gonna have Thanksgiving or what days you're gonna have. Um uh, you know, one of the things that comes up obviously, like uh especially, you know, when the kids are like like yours was real young, and and if mom is still breastfeeding, or or like you know, the kids when they're like, you know, one, two, are still with mommy for a five kind of transition to daddy. Um, and but people with really young kids don't know that that transition is coming. But one of the things that um I really don't like from the perspective of a child is when someone has an every other weekend, or when a dad in particular has an every other weekend uh sort of custody situation, is that he's not inner or that person, he or she is not interacting with the school at all. And that's a huge part of growing up. And if you don't know, if you the teacher never sees you, you're not on the school email list, like you're basically just you're not you're not an active parent. And that's something that that I always try to stress, like, okay, if that's really what you guys want, like I'm gonna write it down, right? Who am I? But maybe can we just do Thursday? Because then at least dad's dropping off on Friday morning, he's seeing the parent, he's got some stake in that in the school system. What do you what are your thoughts about that?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I mean, I completely agree. Again, again, this is no no shima, my dad, but you know, that's a ship art. Like, I'd say my dad wasn't a parent. Um, and again, that it was, I think it was a product of society at the time. That's just what what was done. And I and I mean I have to probably admit that my dad probably didn't want more than that um at the time either. Um, not to get him off, you know, scot-free, but uh um, but yeah, like I so I think there's two things, right? That there's there's that relationship, which again, I grew up in the 80s, where I would not call parenting from from the the the dad side. Then you have parallel parenting where each parent is doing their complete opposite own thing and there isn't that cohesion, and then there's the the the co-parenting, which is you know really the best way to do it to create that cohesive environment for your kids.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, no, I like that. I mean, uh, I think it's really cool that uh that you uh put the book out. It's got five stars on every platform. I read some of the reviews because I don't believe it that anyone's telling the truth in reviews, but they were all like spread out, they looked like really legitimate. They had like uh what do they call it on Amazon? Like authorized or verified purchase, yeah. Yeah, verified purchase. Yeah. So it's pretty awesome, man, that you uh you did this. Um uh while you have uh, you know, your whole your whole uh you have a whole other business. Uh can you just tell me about that real quick? And sure.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so uh I'm a consultant. Um sorry, a dog just over the background there. Um uh I'm a consultant uh in business operations, helping uh startups, small businesses, and nonprofits uh create efficient, effective operations that that that help them grow. Uh through that, you know, we dive into you know process procedures type of operations, but also you know, deal with you know executive coaching, you know, helping the mindset of the leaders and letting go of control, letting go of ego, and then you know, talking about how to build a culture that will uh truly innovate, grow, and change.

SPEAKER_01:

That's awesome, man. I love it. I love it. Well, listen, I'll let you go. Uh, it was a pleasure to talk to you. Guys, get the book. I'll put all the links and all that good stuff. But uh, John, really appreciate the a few minutes of your time and uh keep up the good work, my friend.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks for having me, Scott. I enjoyed it.

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Scott Levin

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