Travel Party of 5 | Points & Miles for Family Travel

Making Family Travel Work with ADHD + Gifted Kids

• Raya & Duane

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Traveling with neurodivergent children requires specific strategies, but it's entirely possible and rewarding when you understand how to support their unique needs.

• Mindset shift is crucial - see behaviors as brain differences, not deliberate disruptions
• Prepare thoroughly by discussing travel plans and showing destination videos beforehand
• Create personalized toolkits with noise-canceling headphones, fidgets, and familiar snacks
• Allow movement breaks in airports before long flights regardless of others' opinions
• Consider using the sunflower lanyard program which signals invisible disabilities to airport staff
• Implement calm-down techniques like tracing letters on your child's back during meltdowns
• Be cautious with melatonin use as it can increase tantrums in some children
• Travel builds confidence by bringing history to life and nurturing specific interests
• Give neurodivergent children input into activities to increase their engagement

Remember that you're never going to see these people again, so focus on your child's needs rather than worrying about strangers' judgments.


Speaker 1:

Traveling with kids can be overwhelming on a good day, but when you have neurodivergent kids, it adds a whole other element to it. In today's episode I'm sharing some tips from our real life experiences and really just from one parent to another some solidarity. So listen in. Hi, I'm Raya and I'm Dwayne and we are your hosts of the Travel Party of Five podcast, where we share how we travel as a family of five around the world. We will also share how we use points and miles to travel as affordably as possible and sometimes even completely free. So if you're wanting to travel as affordably as possible and sometimes even completely free, so if you're wanting to travel more with your family, but you're not sure how, we'd love for you to listen in. So welcome to our podcast, where we hope you learn a thing or two to get you closer to your next trip. Hello, friends, and welcome back to Travel Party of Five podcast.

Speaker 1:

My name is Rhea, I am one half of your hosts and I am solo today. Duane is actually in the other room getting us packed up because we leave on another trip in the morning, so it is currently 949pm. I know sometimes people really like to know, like the behind the scenes, and I will tell you that it is very late and it has been a long day. However, I needed to get this recorded before we left so we can get it up for next week. And here we are. So today's episode is going to be a bit of a diversion from our normal points and miles topics, and I'll explain a little bit more about why I decided to do that in a moment, just for this episode not forever, but I do have some points and miles updates that I thought I would give you, just around cards that we have opened and closed and that sort of thing.

Speaker 1:

So number one actually, today I closed one of my Amex business platinum cards. I obviously had it over a year and I currently have two, and because I was targeted for a no lifetime language mailer for the second one and because I was targeted for a no lifetime language mailer for the second one, so I the annual fee on the first one came due and I didn't want to pay it because, again, I have two, and so I basically used up all the credits I could use up on it. And then I chatted with American Express today and I said, hey, I want to close this card, and they did come back, like you know, they want to tell me all the benefits and whatever. And I finally, you know, they just kept saying like, what about this benefit, what about that? And I just kept saying I'd like to close the card. I'd like to close the card, kind of like the friends episode where they're like Ross, is it Ross? Yeah, he wants to quit the gym. He's like I want to quit the gym. It was like that. And so eventually they did offer me a retention offer which was spend $5,000 and get 15,000 membership rewards points, which is really not that great of a deal. And so I again said I want to quit the gym and they finally closed the card and they will refund the annual fee that posted a few weeks ago. So close that card and still have one left.

Speaker 1:

And then a few days ago Dwayne was actually approved for an Amex business gold and that is his first Amex business card ever actually and that was for a 200,000 point signup bonus. So that is super exciting because that will add a nice chunk to our pot of membership rewards. And let me think, I think those are the only other cards that we've been approved for in the last month or so outside of the Hawaiian business cards. So we each got the Hawaiian business cards. We've almost met the minimum spend on both of those and now we're moving on to the Amex business gold right under Dwayne's name. So those are some card updates. We are having no problem meeting the minimum spends because we have to have a new gate installed on the side of our house, which is several thousand dollars, because they have to do some like cement work and pour like a column, and we also are sending our dog off to get some intensive training and that is also several thousand dollars. So it's just, the expenses are just adding up over here.

Speaker 1:

But okay, I'm rambling a little bit and I do want to get into today's main topic, which is traveling with kids with ADHD and like other neurodivergent tendencies and in full transparency. Nobody has asked me for this episode, like not one person. But it's also something we've never talked about before. So nobody really knows that our kids have ADHD and a couple of our kids are gifted and blah, blah, blah. So I'm like I went away last weekend on a girl's trip and there there were four of us, and it was three of us from Phoenix, going to visit our one of our best friends who lived in Phoenix and now moved to California and lives in Ventura, california, and so the three of us flew out there and we spent the whole weekend.

Speaker 1:

We had a great time and we were kind of realizing like all of us have kids that are either on the gifted spectrum or have ADHD or like a whole bunch of other like neurodivergent tendencies, and it was so nice to talk to other moms who understand the struggles that come with those things, because there are struggles, just like you know. There are struggles with you know, other other things as well. They're just different, and it's always so nice to talk to people who get it. And it's kind of funny that we have a group of friends and all of us have at least one gifted child, which I find very interesting, and I would say that the gifted scale ranges from like maybe just like slightly gifted to like young Sheldon gifted maybe that's a good way to describe it gifted, maybe that's a good way to describe it. And so, anyways, I just I felt a lot of like solidarity and like I felt very understood by this weekend and having having this time and and so I thought, you know, I think I'm gonna do a podcast about this, because I know that we are not the only ones that you know have have kids like this and in want to travel, right, like I think, and I think it does add a different element to the travel, and so that's kind of what we're going to talk about today.

Speaker 1:

I am going to take a brief departure, though, and share a little bit about my trip last weekend, because we didn't use any points, but we did. So we flew on Southwest round trip from Phoenix to Burbank and back, and we actually found cash tickets for under $100. And so there was some discussion of driving, and I had no desire to do that, because it's an eight hour drive one way and we were only going to go for two nights. So I was like, oh, I'm gonna fly, you guys can drive, but I'm gonna fly. And then we found those super cheap tickets. So we all ended up flying, which was perfect.

Speaker 1:

It worked out great, and so we landed on like Friday afternoon and we drove up the Pacific Coast Highway, which was really beautiful. We did drive through where the Palisades fires were, and that was very sombering. There are still like burned out cars on the side of the road, and there were just so many empty lots where houses had been, and that was pretty crazy to see that we ended up stopping for lunch at Neptune's net, which is like a kind of a you know fried seafood on the water kind of a place with great views, and we had lunch there. I'd see food on the water kind of a place with great views and we had lunch there. And then we spent the evening in Ventura going to like the downtown or like the main street area, which was super cute. We saw the sunset from the pier. That was great.

Speaker 1:

And then Saturday we woke up and we had a surf lesson, and that was also very fun. It was a two hour lesson. I didn't book it, so I'll have to find out who we like, what company we went through, because it was a great experience. Everyone got up surfing at least one time. I think everyone got up more than one time actually and it was a really, really fun kind of check this off your bucket list experience. And I do feel like I could actually take a surfboard and go try to surf. If the waves were small. I'm not saying I would be successful, but at least I kind of feel like I understand the motion now. So that's been on my bucket list for a long time and so 2025, we're just checking things off that list, so oh.

Speaker 1:

And then, saturday night night we stayed at a little hotel directly on the ocean called the Cliff House Inn. This is definitely not like a luxury hotel, so I just want to be super clear about that. Like it's an older property, the walls are thin, like we heard music like well into the night, and like the the beds were comfortable, they were all fine and good, um, but, like you know, the bathrooms and stuff are older. So if you do end up going there, for whatever reason, like maybe temper your expectations a little bit. But the views from this hotel are stunning. Like it is directly on the ocean. You can see dolphins swimming by, we saw like the moon rise over the mountains and it was really beautiful. They also have a pretty decent restaurant on property. Like I ordered a scallop dish and it was very good. Like I was a little surprised, actually, at how good it was, but again, not super fancy, but like beautiful, beautiful views. Like it was a very. It felt like a very, like almost as if we went back in time a little bit and we were like in California, like in the 80s, I don't know that was kind of the vibe I got. But and then Sunday we kind of went through, we drove up to Santa Barbara and we drove back to Ventura through Ojai, which is a super cute little like mountainy town, and that was fun too. And then we flew home. So anyways, it was a great weekend. Like Ventura is like the sleepy little town north of LA, that is like I really enjoyed it. I really really liked it there and it was such a difference from like the hustle and bustle of LA, which I don't really enjoy. And so big fan of Ventura, I think if you can visit that part of California, I highly recommend it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, now I'm going to veer us back on course, back to the main topic, which is traveling with kids with ADHD, and I'm going to give you a little bit of background first, just about our general situation, and I'm going to try to be a little bit vague because I do want to respect my kids privacy, but I do think that there's a way that we can talk about this without me telling you like exactly who is what, if that makes sense. So if any of you are new. Here. We have three kids and they are currently ages five, eight and 11. And two of them have fully diagnosed ADHD and two of them are on the gifted spectrum and it's not the same two. So essentially one of them is what's called twice exceptional, meaning they have ADHD and they're on the gifted spectrum. And then with the other two, one has ADHD and one is on the gifted spectrum and thus far has not shown any ADHD tendencies.

Speaker 1:

So I think that this has first of all been a super eye-opening experience in general, because for me when I was growing up, I never knew I don't think I knew anyone who was, quote unquote, gifted, and it certainly wasn't on my radar when we had kids. And so when we had a kid just kind of randomly test gifted when they tested them at school, that kind of sent us down this whole rabbit hole and we've been down it for several years now, and so two of our kids actually go to a gifted school, basically like it requires test scores to get in, and that has been fantastic. Actually I'm super happy with with that. But I think the one thing that I've noticed around my kid not just my kids, but, like I have, we have family members who also have ADHD, and Dwayne we're pretty sure that Dwayne is has undiagnosed ADHD to the point where now he will like be doing something and then get sidetracked and then be like, oh ADHD. And so we kind of chuckle about it, because, you know, if your kids have ADHD, I think it's like 40 or 50% likely that it came from one of the parents, and I've never been diagnosed with ADHD, nor do I really think that I have it, but I guess there's always a chance. But we're pretty sure Dwayne has it for sure.

Speaker 1:

So I share that only because the kind of key theme that I've noticed is that a lot of people that I know that have ADHD and that were maybe not given correct resources as a kid have this underlying feeling or belief that they are not smart and that they are not good at school or whatever. And I think we all know that's not true. It's just that your brain works differently and you know the schooling or whatever at the time that you maybe you were in school isn't, wasn't, wasn't set up for success for you. And so that's the one thing I've been super happy with getting our kids the kind of the right resources and the help that they need, so that they do not come away with that belief in themselves. And I promise I'm reeling this into travel. You just got to bear with me for a moment.

Speaker 1:

So, taking like all of this, the ADHD and all of that, I think first, when I think about taking a trip, I I as a parent have to adjust my mindset a little bit. And this is I mean, this is kind of true when you travel with kids at all right, it's really not a vacation but it's a trip. And in my experience, traveling with a neurodivergent kid just adds a layer, like an extra layer of unpredictability that isn't there if you have a neurotypical kid and I do have a neurotypical kid and I know what it's like when it's just me and them, and it is vastly different. So, yeah, my first thing is just changing my mindset as the parent. Right, I'm the leader, I'm in charge, and this is going to go how I kind of say. It's going to go in a way right, like I don't have control over their behavior, but I do have control over how I am viewing their behavior.

Speaker 1:

And I, you know I have two choices. I can choose to look at it as like I'm. You know this is so frustrating, this is an inconvenience, blah, blah, blah. Or I can choose to look at it like they don't have control over this. Right, their brain is telling them this and they, they can't control it, and that allows me to approach it differently, right, then I'm not necessarily disciplining, but I'm redirecting or whatever. And let me just add, I feel like, as I'm saying this, like it almost sounds like holier than thou. That is not my intention.

Speaker 1:

We very much make a lot of parenting mistakes. I yell at my kids Okay. Sometimes I'm frustrated, we're tired, we're traveling, whatever. I yell at my kids, okay. So let me say that too, I am not a perfect parent, and I don't think anyone is, but I do consciously try to like understand them and their brain and how it's working, so that I can, you know, parent them to the best of my ability. Okay, so number one mindset okay, as a parent, I think that's that's super important.

Speaker 1:

Number two of how I kind of look at this is like preparing before we go. So there's a few different ways to do that and talk about that. Number one is I talk through everything with our kids in advance, like I am very upfront in saying like this is what's going to happen, this is where we're going. This is what our travel day is going to look like. I'm very detailed, okay. One thing that kind of goes hand in hand with ADHD, if you have kids with ADHD, is anxiety, and so I find we have one super, super anxious kid and this helps them a lot to just kind of know what's next, what to expect, and, and I really think that helps a lot. So the other thing that we do, besides just talking it through, is I show them videos of where we're going. So we're going to go to Japan in a few weeks. I have been showing them videos of Tokyo, right, and I'm saying this is where you know we're going to go here, and this is probably what it's going to look like, and we might do this or we might do that, and I generally find that that really helps a lot too. We did that when we went to Europe also, and we also just like, in doing that, we get to watch these YouTube videos together, and I think that that ends up being really fun too, and then the kids will be like oh, like, can we watch like Matt and Nat, right, shout out to Adventures of Matt and Nat. It's one of my favorite YouTube channels and so we it's kind of become like a fun family thing to do together to.

Speaker 1:

Another way to kind of prepare before you go is just to prepare the things that you're bringing, and so you could almost think of it like you're going to make a little toolkit for your kid, right and so, and that is going to depend on your specific kid. But some things that we found helpful are noise canceling headphones, especially if you have a kid who's super overstimulated by a lot of noises. Right, airports and travel days are really loud. Planes are loud. Fidgets are good. We have this like magnet fidget pen that one of my kids really likes Gum snacks. Obviously that's kind of a, that's an any kid thing.

Speaker 1:

And then we do screens, and I know that some parents are very anti-screen and we are not, so we allow unlimited screen time on travel days. Our kids do each have an iPad, but we really don't let them use the iPads when we're at home. It is only for when we travel and it's really only for travel days. So once we get to our destination, we really have had to limit their screen time because what we were finding is that they wanted to stay in the hotel room and play their little games instead of going out and experiencing the city or country that we flew to visit. So that has kind of become the new rule. I mean, obviously there's exceptions to every rule, but for the most part we only do screens on travel days and we do not allow them once we arrive to our destination.

Speaker 1:

And the other thing would be medication. So this is actually a new venture for us. Recently we've started one of our kids on medication very, very recently and I'm not a doctor, so you know, I'm not a doctor, so you know, just take this with a grain of salt. But when we were reviewing medication options with our pediatrician, they basically explained to us that there are two forms of ADHD medication. There are stimulants and non stimulants. And the stimulants you can kind of start and stop as you need, right, like you don't have to take them on the weekends or whatever your kid needs. But the non stimulants have to be weaned up and then weaned down, so you have less flexibility. And because we are traveling to Japan and ADHD medication and like stimulants like that are highly regulated and not allowed, for the most part we're not able to bring them.

Speaker 1:

I do think that maybe there's a way you can like get a doctor's note or something, but we don't have that much time and I'm I have no interest in going through that process, so we won't be bringing it, but I needed, we needed something that we could start and then they could stop and it wouldn't be the end of the world, and so that's something to consider as well is, what are the laws of the country that you're going to travel to? And, you know, is this medication even allowed there? So consider that, because I do know that that was a little bit of a surprise for me when I was looking into it. Okay, so, mindset shift, kind of preparing before you go and just ensuring that you have the things you need.

Speaker 1:

The other thing I'll say about preparing before you go is, if your kid, like, has certain safe foods that they you know that they eat, and maybe they're picky eaters make sure you bring a lot of those to, that way, if you can't find anything else that they can eat, you know you've got that, okay. So we've prepped for the trip, we've, like, packed for the trip, we've got all the things we need and now we're at the airport or we're getting on the plane, so our kids don't really enjoy rushing around. They get very stressed. So we do try to allow enough time to like be able to get to the airport, maybe visit a lounge without having to rush, and I, especially before a super long flight, I really try to make sure that they can get some type of a movement break.

Speaker 1:

I have videos of our kids in the Chicago airport before we got on our flight to Paris, just like doing full on races against each other and like a kind of an empty like hallway area that we found. And yes, there are people around. Yes, they are being loud, but airports are loud in general and the movement that they need, in my opinion, is more important than someone else's like discomfort or opinion of my children, and so I do not care what other people think about me. It makes zero difference to me and if my kid needs to run around and get out some wiggles and some energy before we get on an eight, nine hour flight like I, have zero issues with giving them permission to do that, as long as they are not obviously being rude or getting in anyone's way and they were not. So we know.

Speaker 1:

First of all, let me just be clear. Nobody said a word to us, um, and in fact people were like laughing because they were, they were, they were racing over and over again and it was like, oh, like I'm gonna beat you next time, and it was pretty funny, um, but I do think, like Dwayne is much, dwayne cares of what other people think much more than I do, and so like he is very much like what you guys need to be quiet like blah, blah, and I am like, well, like they, they need to do this so that you know, for our sanity on this flight, like it's fine. So I guess, just like letting them get in that movement, however you can, right, even if they're just like bouncing around on one of the seats, whatever, just let them do it. The other thing is there is a sunflower lanyard that is essentially meant to signal like a hidden disability and like I believe that this started in Gatwick Airport maybe 10 years ago and now it's recognized in like over 300 airports worldwide and so essentially it is. It is literally a sunflower lanyard that you can get and you can put on your kid and it just shows, like airport employees, that there might be a disability that they can't see and you know, helps them proceed with with extra kindness. I think that's really fantastic and the, you know the ultimate goal is to allow, like to discreetly signal to trained staff that maybe they might need additional assistance or whatever, without the need for constant verbal explanation, you know. So it's like if you go up to you know the, the front desk or whatever, and you're saying, hey, is it okay if we board early and your kid has on a sunflower lanyard, like that staff member is supposed to know, like why you're asking if that makes sense. And so, if you were not aware of that, you know, or maybe you've seen people with a sunflower lanyard and you're not sure what it means. That is what it means. It's basically signaling an invisible disability of some sort. And you know you should just always have empathy and kindness right In terms of once you arrive at your destination. We always try to find playgrounds and whatever, like whatever we can find for the kids where they can kind of move right. Again, we talked about the movement breaks. That's really big for for our kids.

Speaker 1:

And something else that I've noticed is that when you have a gifted child, like it is just a different experience when you are like doing a tour or whatever. So when we were in Paris and we did the tour in Montmartre with Zoe, like I remember she kept asking us questions about, like our like. The only one I specifically remember is she asked us if we knew what Sacre Coeur was made out of, like what material. And one of our kids was like it's limestone. And one of our kids was like it's limestone and like that was like the second or third thing that this child had answered correctly, when all of the rest of us are like we have no idea. And she just looked at me and was just like how, like how do they know that? And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. Like I truly do not know the answer to that, but I do think that traveling gives us this really fun opportunity to feed their curiosity and so, in my experience, like generally gifted kids have like one or two subjects that they're super, super into and so, like one of our kids still very much likes dinosaurs, and so, like next year when we go to Scotland, one of the things we're going to do is like look at like these dinosaur, like footprints, which I think will be really cool. I've also found that for all of my kids. Actually giving them some input into what we do has been super helpful, and they're definitely more bought in to activities that they have chosen.

Speaker 1:

And then when you're traveling, it is exhausting. You're always on the go, there's a lot of walking, there's, you know, jet lag and all these things, and with kids that have like sensory issues or whatever, like we have one kid in particular who just has the biggest tantrums and has for quite some time. This is not the kid who we've started medication with, but it is coming soon for this child as well with, but it is coming soon for this child as well, and so I think having like a calm down strategy for them can be super helpful. One thing that we actually haven't tried yet for this particular kid is noise canceling headphones when they're having like a meltdown, and so I am going to be bringing those actually to try on this trip. Other things that do tend to work are like finding a quiet area, letting them go outside for a bit, or one thing that our therapist recommended is having them sit and you can trace like letters on their back, and that can really help them regulate themselves and calm down. And so we trace letters and they try to guess what word we're spelling and they will sometimes even ask for it at this point if they know that they need help calming down. And so that has really been a big help for us is that particular tip. You're also like when you rub their back, you are kind of rubbing their, their spinal cord, which is where the central nervous system lives, and so it really does help them to calm down and kind of self regulate. So that I would recommend that if if you haven't tried that and then I think kind of the last thing is just like it can feel really embarrassing if your kid is having a meltdown in the middle of like Europe or wherever, where it doesn't appear to be the norm, and so I think, just give yourself a little bit of grace and give them a little bit of grace and just know that you're never going to see these people again and it's all going to be fine. Because I do think that can be super stressful when you're not only trying to calm your kid down but you're, you know, concerned about everyone else around you as well and their experience. And you know, I think kids are kids and it happens sometimes and it's okay In terms of jet lag.

Speaker 1:

We do use melatonin. It is fully approved by our pediatrician. We use, like kids, melatonin gummies. However, we do have one kid who is very sensitive to melatonin and we have noticed that with the use of melatonin, even maybe just once a week, that really seems to increase this child's tantrums and meltdowns like an exorbitant amount. So if you have a kid who takes melatonin regularly and is also having these big meltdowns, I would just maybe consider that as potentially being a cause and maybe you know again, I'm not a doctor, so this is not medical advice but you know, maybe try doing without the melatonin for a bit and see if that helps the tantrums, because it took us a lot of trial and error to kind of figure out that I'm pretty sure it's the melatonin. So we have to be cautious of that with this particular child and we do still use it when we travel, but we really try not to give it to them any other time, whereas our other two seem to handle it just fine, seem to handle it just fine. So that is my tip about jet lag.

Speaker 1:

The last thing that I'll say about traveling with neurodivergent kids is, you know, going back to the beginning, where we talked about. How you know, at least in my experience, I have a lot of, you know, family members and other people with ADHD who have, you know, kind of developed this belief about themselves that they're not smart. And I think that when you travel with kids with ADHD and they get to experience being in a place that they previously have only read about in a history book, I think that that really brings the history to life for them and I mean, I think that goes a really long way to them visualizing it and understanding it and just talking through it, which then adds to their self confidence around learning that topic. You know, especially if, if, maybe history is not the thing that they're like super into, if they're a gifted kid. And so I generally have found that, like our kids get a sense of pride almost out of the trips that we have taken so far in the places that we have gone, and I almost feel like maybe that is going to offset any incorrect beliefs they may have about their own capabilities. I could be wrong, I truly don't know, we're all figuring this out together, but I do think that that is one really positive side of traveling with kids neurotypical, neurodivergent, whatever but for my kids in particular. That is what I've, one thing that I've noticed, so I think that probably wraps it up.

Speaker 1:

I don't even know if this episode was helpful. I feel like I just rambled for 30 minutes. So if you made it this far, god bless you. I do know, though, that I so I did an episode around traveling with anxiety for myself, like I meaning I am the one that has anxiety, and that was probably the episode that I got the most feedback on pop, like positively, and people were just like thank you for being vulnerable and for sharing that, because it it basically just made them feel less alone, and so I.

Speaker 1:

The other funny thing is, as I was kind of doing the outline for this episode, I was at gymnastics for my daughter, gymnastics for my daughter and I'm like I happen to have a shirt of the school my kids go to, and another mom saw it and was like hey, do your kids go to the school?

Speaker 1:

And I said, yes, actually two of them go there, and so she was talking to me about her son and trying to get him into the school, and I just kind of had this like I don't know what the word is, but like this knowing of like the fact that she's talking to me about her gifted kid like at the same time that I'm writing this podcast episode that I'm not even sure I should do around traveling with gifted kids and kids with ADHD, which her kid had as well, I was like this is some kind of a sign.

Speaker 1:

So that was just earlier tonight and then I came home and recorded it. So here we are, and if you take away nothing else from this episode, I just hope that it is some solidarity, knowing that you are not alone in this journey of parenthood, and it is absolutely possible to take your kids to see the world, even if their brains work a little differently and even if they're a little neuro, spicy or whatever whatever we're calling it today. So if you ever have questions, I'm always happy to chat. You can find me on Instagram at travel party of five. That is where I will be and I really hope this was helpful for at least one person and if it was, message me and thank you so much and I will catch you on the next episode. Bye.