Balancing Compassion and Responsibility: Parenting Wisdom and Angelic Moments in Autism

When it comes to nurturing responsibility in children with autism, many of us feel like we're walking a tightrope—how do we balance compassion with expectation? Join me, Debbie, as I reveal the secrets to striking that balance, guiding you through the intricate steps of encouraging your child to willingly tackle daily chores. We'll navigate the often-overlooked parallels between parenting and managing a team at the office, discussing how the rewards system isn't just for the boardroom but can be lovingly adapted to our homes. Together, we'll brainstorm on creating a structured environment where cooperation blossoms, and the joys of life, from screen time to sweets, are treasured milestones of a day well spent.

But it's not all about strategies and structure. I'm thrilled to open my heart and share a story that's close to my soul—a story of unexpected angelic guidance in the classroom. I'll take you back to my early days of teaching, where Stephen, a sweet boy with autism, unknowingly answered a silent prayer of mine with a simple addition to his math booklet. His innocent gesture reminded me of the extraordinary lessons these special children teach us, often being the very angels we seek. So, get cozy and prepare for an episode filled with warmth, wisdom, and a little whisper from the universe that reaffirms our shared humanity and the profound influence we can have on each other's lives.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hi everyone, this is Debbie, and we're going to talk about autism, One of my favorite subjects. Okay, today what we're going to talk about is how to get your child motivated, get them doing what they need to be doing, taking their responsibility and having them not want to fight you on everything that needs to be done. I know that there's times where you must feel very frustrated and very lonely, and not so much as a parent or a teacher, but sometimes just as a servant in your own home, and that cannot be a good feeling. Regarding with your child, I know that you love your child, but maybe sometimes you don't always like your child, and that's okay too. We don't always like other people, even the ones we love. So what we're going to talk about today is how can we change this, how can we make this better for you and for them and it's not easy and it does take time and patience and some guidance on both parts not just the child, but you too.

Speaker 1: 1:17

If you had a business and your employees showed up for work and they decided they're not going to work, but they still wanted their paycheck at the end, would you be willing to do that? I don't think so. I think that you would expect them to do what they're supposed to do, just like your family expects you, and it doesn't mean just the mother. It could be grandmother, it could be an aunt, it can be a father, grandfather it doesn't matter who's ever. The caregiver is in the home and nowadays we have a lot of people that are caregivers. But you need to feel like you're valued and that you are the parent, you are the person. Whoever you are in the home, you are the person that is taking care of them. So if you wouldn't expect your employees to be paid after not working, then you shouldn't expect your child to be receive everything that they have Now. Let's take a step back for just a minute and think about this. You do need to provide a home for your child. You do need to provide food for your child, clean clothes, routines, medicine the daily things that we need in our houses to survive but you do not have to provide TVs, iphones, ipads, toys, things to decorate their rooms, extra treats and snacks. You don't have to provide those things. Nobody's saying that you have to do that, but you do it because you love them and you care about them and you want their lives to be good, but they also have to work at their life too, making it good for them too. They have to be an active member of the family and not just, nope, I'm not doing it, I'm gonna sit all day on my iPad or my iPhone or a phone it doesn't have to be an iPhone. So what can we do about that? How can we change that?

Speaker 1: 3:13

The first thing I would do if they are refusing and you are frustrated and you just cannot do it any longer you don't know what else. You've tried everything, you've done reinforcements, you've given rewards, you've taken away things then let's think about how we can take away everything, not just an iPhone or an iPad or the TV, but let's strip their room. They don't need decorations on the walls. They don't need. They need a bed. They need a blanket, a pillow. I would put books in the room, even if they can't read. Then put picture books in the room. I would put their work that you want them to do, maybe a desk and a pencil, some paper. I would put those things in the room and if you have to even take the door off, take the door off so you can see what they're doing all the time.

Speaker 1: 4:08

Now they're going to throw tantrum. They're not going to like it, but they throw tantrums in a way, so just let them throw their tantrum. They'll get tired of you, fall asleep or get tired of doing it. You may have to be patient and just you know, you got to tell yourself you're going to walk through this fire to get through this so you don't have to live like this anymore. It's not, it's not doable, it's not healthy for you either. So, like I said, you have to provide the basics, but you don't have to provide the frills. You don't. Now, if they want the frills, that's great. I think that that's a good thing, but let them earn it.

Speaker 1: 4:45

So let's say it's Monday and they decide they quit their crying and throwing a tantrum and throwing themselves on the floor and screaming and hollering and maybe hitting a wall or two. So now Monday comes and they say, okay, I'm going to do my work today, so give them back something. It doesn't have to be everything, but give them back something. Maybe it's an hour on the iPad, maybe it's their door back, if you took it off. Give them something. And then, let's say Tuesdays, they say, well, I'm not doing it anymore. Well, then you take away that item and then as you slowly they start doing maybe they do it two or three days they earn one or two more things back. Just gradually give them the stuff that they want and let them pick. Like maybe if they didn't work three days in a row, let them pick what they would like to have back and then after a while maybe it would start forming a habit, like we all do.

Speaker 1: 5:44

It takes time. They say three weeks to break a habit and three weeks to maybe get a habit. I don't know how long it takes to really get one, but we want to make sure that we get them into a habit of doing their work. What's the responsibility? Now? If you're homeschooling a child, then you need to not feel like you've got to work from eight o'clock in the morning to two o'clock in the afternoon. You don't have to do that, just spend. Just say, okay, we're going to do two hours a day of work and you can break it up 30 minutes here, 20 minutes there, any which way you want to, and it doesn't always have to be that pen and paper or the you can do. There's a lot of stuff on on on on uh internet now that they can do. Also, you can do what they call it. I think it's called like uneducated or unschooled. I think it's called unschooled. We're okay, we're working on measurements.

Speaker 1: 6:41

Let them bake some cookies or some cupcakes or something. Read the box, you know. Teach them how to read a recipe. Teach them how to gather their stuff and how to get organized with all the stuff they need to do. Um, you know, it depends on their age. You may have to monitor the oven and stuff like that, but there's stuff to do or no. Do no bake cookies and have them share it with their, their family, and tell the family how they made it. That's a speech. How did they make the cookies? Give the directions.

Speaker 1: 7:10

Another thing is the shopping you know. Help them make, have them help you make a grocery, grocery list and, if you feel comfortable taking them to the store to help you pick out some things and on their list, have them read it off to you. Uh, there's a lot of different things and we could do. Um, I could do a um podcast and on different things that we can do, and I'll do that later, uh, this week. So those are some things.

Speaker 1: 7:36

Like I said, you just you got to strip everything away and then give it back to them. They don't. They don't need all the stuff that they have probably in their rooms or their iPads. They need to learn and need to be able to function in life. And you can do this. You are strong, you're their parent, you know, you love them and this can can work All right.

Speaker 1: 7:59

So now I'm going to tell a little story. I was my End of my first year of teaching and just before we begin the second year of teaching, my parents said to me one day what are we going to do next year? We knew we had a class coming that was pretty rough and she was concerned, and so I said no worry, don't worry about it, I'm going to pray about it and we're going to have angels flooding our room. So we started the new year. Nothing else was said, nobody said anything, and we had some challenging students by all means, they were very challenging, but we were doing okay and I had made these little books of math, and on the front of it there's a picture of children standing in a kind of in a roll, and underneath it was their math little booklets that I made. It was the touch math or dot math, and I put them together and they got to decorate them and color them and all that. Then it was about a month later and it was open house, so parents were coming, so I got their little books out, put them on their desk and some other things that they were working on.

Speaker 1: 9:12

And this one little boy his name was Stephen. I looked at his and his little picture and in between and on each of the students in the back, he made angel wings. Now, mind you, we this student had never been in my room and we didn't discuss this with any child. There was no children in the room when she was asking me. It was like at the end of the school day and so they never heard and we never said anything. But that little boy had drawn angel wings behind each one. I did share that with his parents and they were kind of stunned. So and I've shared it before and people like to hear that he was an autistic little boy, cute as can be, and he loved sea creatures of all kinds. But anyway, that's my story for today. I hope that I've helped you in some way and I hope you have a good day. Thank you.