Suicide Questions

What do you say when someone looks you in the eye—or calls you on the phone—and tells you they’re thinking of ending their life?

In this episode, I share three life-saving questions I learned decades ago, real conversations I've had with people on the edge, and biblical insights about those who died by suicide—including one hero of faith.

We’ll talk about how to respond, how to comfort the grieving, and why Jesus—not us—holds the final word about judgment.

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Good Grief, by Granger Westburg 

Tear Soup, by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen    

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Braden Parsons' email:  bradencparsons@gmail.com

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Website for Braden Parsons Photography

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Transcript

080 Suicide Questions

What do you say when someone looks you in the eye—or calls you on the phone—and tells you they’re thinking of ending their life? In this episode, I share three life-saving questions I learned decades ago, real conversations I've had with people on the edge, and biblical insights about those who died by suicide—including one hero of faith. We’ll talk about how to respond, how to comfort the grieving, and why Jesus—not us—holds the final word about judgment.

If a person kills himself, will he go to hell?” This was a phone call from a person I didn’t know. 

My question: “Why do you ask?”. 

The man answered, “If you can’t talk me out of it, that’s what I’m gonna do when I hang up the phone.”

What do you do when you are talking with a person, face to face or on the phone, and they indicate or hint that they’re gonna to commit suicide?

I’m thankful that, years before, Jimmy Kennedy from Piedmont, Alabama, suggested in a workshop a way to address that issue that’s been very valuable to me. He told us three questions to ask. If you get the answers to all three, you need to intervene. Often, a person is only considering suicide as an option to deal with stress in their life. However, if a person replies to all three questions with definite answers, he’s probably seriously thinking of killing himself.

The three questions:

1. Why are you thinking about killing yourself? This allows the person to share their problems and frustrations. It usually takes a long time to listen to the answers to this question.
2. How would you kill yourself? Do they plan to use a gun? Do they have one? Is it close by? Have they already loaded it? Do they plan to overdose? Is the medicine available?
3. When do you plan to do it? I’ve found that most people haven’t set the time. They’re only considering it. One time, I had a man tell me that he’s going to shoot himself and that he’d do it as soon as he finished the call. I had the secretary call the police to go to his home.

In my years of ministry since 1961, I have had only two people answer all three questions. We were able to get someone to contact them and talk further with them, and they didn’t kill themselves.

When I’ve talked with a person about their thoughts of suicide, I get a suicide contract. I ask them to promise me that if they think seriously about killing themselves, they’ll call and talk with me about it before they do it. I discuss the details:  “That means if I am flying, you’ll wait until I land, and we’ll talk about it. If I’m not home or in the office, my wife or secretary will tell you how to get in touch with me, and we’ll talk.” I go over the details and communicate that I am serious about the promise. When they leave that discussion, I remind them of the agreement we have.

Other questions that I’ve found helpful if I know the person and they have reason to believe that I care about them:

1. Who do you wanna preach your funeral? Several had said they want me to preach their funeral.
2. What do you want me to say?
3. How should I explain your decision to end your life to your wife, children, mother, father, and friends?

I don't know what to say. I've had three people in my family to commit suicide. I haven't found any good way to explain it to the family that remains to make them feel better toward themselves or the one who’s died.

By engaging the person in a conversation, they’ll often consider the consequences of this choice and decide against it. There should be serious thought and consideration not only about what’ll happen to the person who does this to themselves, but also about what this act will do to the people left behind.

Often, when we’re comfortable about being uncomfortable in discussing this powerful subject, we can help someone make a good decision.

Now, to the question the person on the phone asked me: “What is the eternal destination of a person who commits suicide?” People contemplating suicide have asked this question, as well as relatives and friends of those who killed themselves.

A few years ago, I’s called to preach the funeral of a friend who committed suicide. After a few introductory remarks at the beginning of the funeral, I said, “Let’s discuss what people are thinking: What’s the eternal destination of a person who commits suicide?”.

Notice these people in the Bible who killed themselves :

1. Samson (Judges 16:25-31).
2. King Saul’s armor-bearer (1 Samuel 31:5).
3. Ahithophel (2 Samuel 17:23).
4. Judas (Matthew 27:3-5; Acts 1:15-25).

I find no statement of the eternal destination of King Saul’s armor-bearer or Ahithophel.

There’s an indication that Judas was lost when Peter says that “Judas by transgression fell, that he might go to his own place” (Acts 1:25).

However, Samson’s in the list of suicides, and he’s also in the list of the heroes of faith in Hebrews chapter 11. After recalling their victories and painful experiences, the writer states, “And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us” (Hebrews 11:39, 40). Samson’s in the group of Noah, Abraham, Moses, and others. He’s one of the “great cloud of witnesses” mentioned in Hebrews 12:1.

So, my answer to this question, as well as other questions about people’s destiny who’ve died, is, “Jesus told me not to tell you.”

Jesus said in John 5:22: “For the Father judges no one, but has committed allll judgment to the Son.” God, our heavenly Father, will not judge one person. Allll judgment has been given to Jesus. Therefore, I won’t comment on something that’s none of my business. I’m not qualified. It’s not my job.

In the funeral, I observed, “Since Jesus will take care of the judging of our friend and He’ll do a good job of that, let’s spend our time today remembering the ways he helped and encouraged us.” He’s been helpful to me since I’ve been in interim ministry, living in several other places. He watched our house as if he owned it. He inspected it after each storm and called us with a report. When we were back in Nashville and he saw us, he inquired about how we were doing and when we’d be back.

We may have opinions about another’s destiny, but Jesus will have the final word on judgment day.

Our opportunity is to minister to those who are hurt and sad by the loss of a loved one.

Two books I’ve found helpful and have given to others (I’ll leave links in the show notes):

1. Good Grief, by Granger Westburg.  
2. Tear Soup, by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen 

God will judge no one. All judgment is given to Jesus, not Jesus and Jerrie — or you.