092 When a church splits
Church splits leave scars that last for decades—not just on congregations, but on hearts.
In this episode, I revisit a painful division involving people I loved on both sides, the fear of being “marked,” and the long road toward understanding what scripture really teaches about doctrine, conflict, and unity.
Episode 92 isn’t about choosing sides—it’s about choosing faithfulness, long-suffering, and biblical wisdom when a church tears itself apart.
If you’ve lived through a church split—or fear one may be coming—this conversation is for you.
I recently received a response from a podcast episode that brought back encouraging, pleasant, and painful memories.
The communication came in the form of a text from Fan Mail on episode 81, Should we start a new church?:
Hello Jerry. After listening to this podcast on starting a new congregation, I’s wondering what you felt about the split in Anytown, U.S.A? Thanks for your thoughts. This is Jane Doe
This is one of the reasons that I continue publishing a podcast. Memories, comments, criticisms, and requests for additional information stirs me up to, “love and good works.”
During the follow-up phone call of 1 hour, 23 minutes with two other people, talking and listening, I reviewed my memories, feelings, and lessons learned from events decades ago.
A church that I’d known and loved for many years had a split. The group that left to form a new congregation called me. They were hurt and devastated because of the conflict in that church. They asked me if I would do a church conflict workshop for them.
I ask for a few days to consider.
Both sides were people that I had known and loved and who had encouraged me tremendously. I’s glad to share the information that I’d studied. However, I had fears that if I did that, the group they left would be disappointed in me and might reject me. I valued and loved everyone involved.
I discussed the tension in the decision with Gail. After thinking, I saw four options.
1. I could make a judgment that Group B, the ones who left the original congregation, was right and the other group was wrong. I’d work with the new group and not do anything with Group A.
2. I could make a judgment that Group A was right and the other group was wrong. I’d work with the old group and have nothing to do with Group B.
3. I could be disappointed with both groups and communicate to them that if they couldn't do any better than what they’d done, I’d no longer participate with either one.
4. I could have respect and feel pain for both groups, and, if invited, do what I thought’d be helpful with both groups.
After consideration and prayer, I decided on number four: I had respect and felt pain for both groups, and, if invited, I’d do what I thought’d be helpful with both groups. If either or both groups thought I could be helpful and invited me to study with them, I’d do the best I knew to seek God’s will in this matter.
On the first night of the workshop, How to Survive a Storm and Enjoy the Sunshine, based on Acts 6 and it's context, I started with the rules.
After my usual rules for a good discussion, I added another: “My presence here tonight doesn’t indicate that I am on your side and against the group you left. I'm here because you invited me and I hope I can share some of God's truth that will be helpful to you in your pain. If invited by group A, I will go to their congregation and present the same material that you’ll hear in the next few nights.
During the time I’s in this workshop, Group B received a letter from Group A letting them know that they had been marked and I received information that I would be marked as well because I’s participating with a marked group.
During the years that followed, when we had an opportunity we’d go to that town. We’d worship with Group A on Sunday morning and Group B on Sunday night. The next time we visited, we’d worship with group B on Sunday morning and group A on Sunday night. We were received warmly by group B and asked to speak at various events in that congregation.
When we visited with Group A, we were received warmly by most of the members, but very coolly and distantly by a few. We were never acknowledged as guests, never invited for family and friends day, or to participate in any other way. I could understand. We had been marked.
In June, 2023, we visited that town again. When we went to Group A, the elders invited me to say what I wanted to say as I presented a copy of Gail's book and my book to the church library. One of the elders said he'd never known the details about my history with that church until he became an elder.
My friend who sent me a text about episode 81, asked, “Were there doctrinal reasons for the split?”
I gave an answer on the phone. After contemplating throughout the day, here’s my answer and observations.
When a church has a toxic split, not an evangelistic church plant, there’re always doctrinal reasons. Everything in the Bible from Genesis 1:1 to Revelation 22:21 is doctrine. When brothers and sisters divide and treat each other worse than how Jesus teaches us to treat our enemies in Matthew 5:43–48, there’re doctrinal principles that’ve been violated.
- It may be doctrines on the deity of Jesus, inspiration of the Bible, baptism, the Lord supper, or church leadership.
- It may be ignoring the doctrine of how to manage disagreements and conflicts with others as Jesus taught in Matthew 5 and Matthew 18.
- It may be ignoring the doctrine of the sinfulness of gossip, which is at the root of conflict. Proverbs 26:20.
- It may be a violation of the doctrine of minding our own business. 1 Thessalonians 4:11
- It may be a violation of binding our opinions on others. Romans 14:1-11 But what if we disagree on what is a matter of opinion? What if my brother doesn't understand that what I say is doctrinally clear and his idea of an opinion is false teaching?
Questions:
- Is this issue worth splitting over?
- Have you ever considered an issue a matter of doctrine and later decided it was a matter of opinion? What should be done with you during that time of learning?
- Where do you find teaching for one church to withdraw from another church?
- Can a Christian be faithful in a church that is less than ideal, such as the faithful Christians in the dead church at Sardis? Revelation 3:1–6.
- How should you treat faithful Christians in a marked church?
- Read the book of 1 Corinthians. Now read 1 Corinthians 1:1–9. How can the inspired apostle Paul speak that way to Christians who’re members in a church like Corinth? How many people did Paul command the church to exercise the final and extreme form of church discipline?
Could it be that often we are short on loooooong-suffering and fail to realize that there's some things we have to put up with if we're going to have the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace?
