109 Is your phone more interesting than me?
What happens when we twist Solomon’s wisdom and train up a child to stay glued to their phone in our presence?
They don’t just drift from you when they’re older — they’re already gone, eyes locked on TikTok, games, and endless scrolls while you speak.
This episode tells how smartphone addiction is quietly stealing our children’s attention, hearts, and futures — and what parents can do before it’s too late.
Our son was in a restaurant. Across the way, he noticed a family of four with all their heads bowed. He approached them to express his appreciation for their thankfulness to the God who provided the meal.
However, when he came closer, he discovered that they weren’t praying. They were paying their devotion to their respective screens on their smart phones.
I see the same process in the park where I run. I see parents who interact with their children as they walk with them or push them in their stroller. When they see a butterfly, they’re excited and point them out to their children. They observe the squirrels collecting nuts and running up trees. They observe. They talk. They laugh. They learn.
On the other hand, I see a mother or father, pushing a child in the stroller, completely engaged with their screen. The butterflies and squirrels are around, but the parents don't notice and the children have a blank look on their face. They're not paying attention to each other and the exciting and beautiful things around them.
I've seen it in elders meetings, classes, seminars, and on vacations where we spend thousands of dollars to be able to be engaged with our phones and iPads in close proximity to each other while ignoring the people we had planned to be around.
But we have to leave our notifications on in case of an emergency. What else could we do?
The same thing we did 25 years ago before the iPhone was invented. When I traveled, I left Gail and the church secretary an itinerary of my travels. They had phone numbers at the motel where I was staying and an elder or two where I was holding a gospel meeting.
I attended an Onsite Learning Centered Program May 1-7 last year in San Diego, California. It was an intensive program for preachers. When we arrived, we handed in our phones and Apple watches. I lived for a week without checking email, wishing friends Happy Birthday! on Facebook, and seeing how many people were listening to my podcast. I gave full attention to the groups and individuals around me. I changed some habits as a result of that experience. I’ll put a link in the show notes in case you or someone you know might be interested in their services.
Onsite: https://experienceonsite.com/living-centered/
On the phone, my apps are still available. Our family and friends can keep up with us on the Find My Friends app. When our phones are silenced and in focus mode, they can locate us and have a friend or the local police to go to our location and tell us of the emergency.
What difference does it make?
When I’m in another person's presence and my eyes are glued to my phone, I’m sending messages to everyone in my presence with whom I could be engaged.
I have something more important than communicating with you, looking into your eyes, opening my ears, and making my heart available to your interest and respecting your value. I haven't found it yet, but surely there's something more interesting than you on Facebook or Instagram. I’ll keep scrolling, searching, or playing a game because you are not that important to me.
That is powerful non-verbal communication. It doesn’t strengthen the bonds of the people involved. It doesn’t stir up others for love and good works. From my perspective, it doesn’t, communicate the Golden Rule. I don't like to talk to people who aren’t listening.
Several months ago, I found a powerful illustration of this principal on YouTube. It’s called the Still Face Baby Experiment. Please watch the video. I’ll put a link in the show notes.
Still Face Baby Experiment: YTTSXc6sARg
It’s a video of how a one-year-old child can tell the difference between being engaged with the mother and being ignored. This happens within a few seconds. The child realizes the rejection and becomes agitated because the mother was ignoring the child.
The same people who did this experiment also did it with adults and found the same results. The same message is communicated to husbands, wives, children, business associates, and anywhere else two or more people are in proximity to each other.
What can we do about it?
Don’t participate in the process. When I record a podcast, I turn off the air conditioner upstairs, the air conditioner downstairs, I put my computer in focus mode, which prevents any outside interruption, and I turn my iPhone completely off. I don't wanna be interrupted. Any sound, would ruining the recording. I do whatever is necessary to devote my attention to the task at hand.
My wife, children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, brothers, and sisters in Christ, and other human beings are more important than an episode of a podcast. At least that's what I’d say if I were asked that on a survey. My actions need to reflect my intentions.
When I’m leading a group, I request the group to do as I do. As we start, I announce I'm putting my phone in focus and airplane mode.
To appropriate the words of Solomon, in the book of proverbs:
Train up a child to stay connected to his or her phone went in your presence, and when they are old, they will not listen to you.
In fact, if that’s one of your family rules, they’re not listening to you now. They're scrolling TikTok and playing games on their phone.
Any person is worth more than any video on Facebook or Instagram.
Let's set that example to everyone who is important to us.
