Ep 33 Waiting on God During Estrangement | Christian Encouragement for Moms

Waiting can feel unbearable—especially in estrangement. In this episode, Nicole Coates shares why these seasons are sacred and how God works in the waiting, even when nothing seems to change. Through Scripture and the story of Hagar, you’ll find hope for the wilderness you’re walking through.

Mentioned in this episode:
Finding Hope in the Heartbreak: A Prayer Workbook for Moms of Estranged or Distant Kids

 • Digital download: HERE

 • Amazon: HERE 

Timestamps
00:00 The Holiness of Waiting
00:28 Life Updates and Media Encounters
01:36 Emotional Aftermath and Reflections
04:26 Introduction to the Prayer Workbook
05:17 The Importance of Reading the Bible
09:02 Biblical Examples of Doubt and Faith
14:50 God's Patience and Guidance
16:34 Finding Peace in the Wilderness
20:49 Conclusion and Encouragement

Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

The waiting isn't just hard. It's also holy. It's a refining fire that reveals what's been buried, our fears, our craving for control, our unspoken doubts, and the aches that we have tried so hard to quiet. What if this season isn't just about the outcome that you're praying for, but the transformation that God is doing in you?

0:28

Hey guys, welcome back so we're gonna continue the same theme of the update that you didn't ask for I this, this last week. The last couple weeks have been really interesting. I was approached by the Wall Street Journal. They were writing an article on estrangement and asked, you know, for my thoughts, it was a really intense process. It was, it felt like I was interviewed by the New York Post over the summer, more on parenting and less on estrangement. But this was a totally different experience. It was felt very intense. It felt very much like, I don't know, kind of what you see on the movies. I guess. It was very professional, very legit. And honestly quite overwhelming. I think in total, the reporter and I chatted a couple of times, and in total it was probably close to two hours of conversation in total, maybe more. It was, um, it was really intense. It was emotionally exhausting. And I was not prepared for how emotionally exhausting it would be. Then a couple of days later. Um, the New York Times reached out to me again, not necessarily on estrangement, more on parenting, but it was just like, holy cow. Within a week I have talked to the Wall Street Journal and now the New York Times, and I did my first, I've been on a podcast before on a panel, but this was my first podcast that I had been on just by myself, and it was the longest I'd ever done. It was an hour just. Me and the host, and it felt very long. Super grateful for all these opportunities, I will say they were, I was surprised at how these moments that were, these cool moments that, you know, when you, you kind of start, start this ministry and start branching out there and you kind of hope for exposure, um, like this to really be able to bring people into your. Resources and areas, ways that you can help them. Um, and really my goal with being on the podcast and goal with anything is I just wanna be a light. I wanna show a different perspective. I want, um, women to hear, um. You know that there's a Christian woman speaking about walking through estrangement and offering them hope, uh, through Jesus. And so, because that feels like it's a little bit of, of a different perspective than what you hear a lot of people talking about on social media with estrangement. So obviously that's my goal going into any of these opportunities. And so it was just, yeah, it was really interesting. I think I would make different decisions moving forward, although, I don't know, I was pretty prayerful about them. So I don't know if what the Lord's purpose in it all is, but thankful for the opportunity was very surprised at how. I did not feel great afterwards. Um, I don't really know quite how to explain it. At some point I'll put words to it, but I think mostly I just got lumped in with, um, a perspective that I don't want to be associated with. And I think the reality of the fine line that I walk when talking about estrangement was really revealed to me and I gained a lot of clarity on, I really. I really wanna lean more into how we're, how we're gonna walk through this estrangement. Well, which I know we talked about last week. So that's the update you did not ask for. But here we are and kind of what's going on in my world. But yeah, I did spiral a little bit over the weekend. I'm not gonna lie, my husband is finally home and I'm so glad he was because I just cried and cried and cried and cried. And. It was pretty defeating. So, um, so yeah. So now here we are. So now we're gonna do the fun part that I love to do and we're gonna talk about Jesus and we're gonna talk about the Bible we're gonna get into it. So I don't know if you guys know, but I wrote a prayer workbook. It's called Finding Hope in Heartbreak, a prayer workbook for estranged, moms. And you can find it on Amazon or you can find out on my website as a digital download. The Amazon is physical copy, obviously. And then if you get the digital download. You also get two months free into the community. But I was looking through that today and I'm, we're just gonna, that's gonna be the basis of this podcast is some of my writing from there because it's really good and I think why recreate it when it's already been created? So, um, we're gonna talk about the Bible and I know, I know it's very Christianese. Read your Bible. Okay. I was born and raised a Christian. I know the lingo and I know how easy it is to roll your eyes at it and to tune it out and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But girl, I'm telling you, read your Bible. If you're struggling with something, read your Bible, feeling anxious. Read your Bible. You need direction. Read your Bible. I also know that's way easier said than done, and sometimes when you sit down at the, and look at the Bible, it's overwhelming. And what are you gonna read? All those things. So I kind of wanna just get into some highlights to remind you as you're walking through estrangement, that it's easy to remember the highlights. of the Bible. It's easy to remember the miracles. It's easy to fast forward to the endings because we know the good news, we know how it ends, and it's all positive, so it makes it easier to really breeze past the hardships because the reason it's so important to read our Bible. Is because it's full of real life examples that still apply to things we're experiencing today.'cause it's not outdated and, but it's easy also to forget that,'cause it's easy to open it up and get the cliff notes version, which is all the good, happy, joyful things. And there's some pretty gnarly things that happen in there. So we're just gonna go through some of them. As a reminder to you that while what you're walking through is extremely hard and extremely difficult, none of it is outside of God's control. None of it is outside of what God has allowed. None of it is outside of what God can work with. None of it. If we treated the Bible like we do our favorite books or TV shows, we would be fully invested in the characters because they're messy. They doubted, they wrestled, they messed up, and they things a lot. I think often when we have a hard time coming to terms with what's happening in our lives and finding. Spending time in the word and spending time in prayer and submitting what's happening over to the Lord, we feel unqualified or we feel wrong for questioning, for doubting, for being angry. And so I just wanna give you real life examples that that even happened in the Bible. We just tend to overlook them, because even when they did all of those things, they doubted, they wrestled, they messed up. They questioned all of the things. God still chose to speak to them. He still chose to walk with them. He still chose to redeem their stories. Questioning, wrestling with having feelings about what's happening in your life doesn't disqualify you from God's goodness. The Bible. It isn't just words on a page. They aren't just chapters in a book. It's a living invitation to know the heart of the one who made you, who made your child, who made your child for you. He placed your child with you on purpose, intentionally your doubts don't disqualify you God will still meet ordinary people right in the middle of a big fat mess. I know there's a lot of shame with estrangement, which is why we're gonna keep talking about these things, because when we really believe what the Bible says to be true, we believe God's promises. We believe that we aren't disqualified from his goodness and from him walking with us through these trials. Then we remove the shame that we're feeling and we're hiding underneath that's keeping us in the shadows. Examples of when they doubted Moses, who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt? Moses saying, Hey, God, I think you got the wrong person. Like, how, how can I be the one to do that? And God's saying, yeah, I, that's what I expect of you. Can you imagine if Moses hadn't done what he was told, okay, I cannot can Gideon, but Lord, how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest. I am the least of my family. Because he'll use the least of these. They made excuses. I can't do that. I'm too young. I'm too old, I'm too unqualified, too scared to fill in the blank, right? Jeremiah said, oh, sovereign Lord, I can't speak for you. I'm too young, and God doesn't care. Sarah laughed at God's promise for a child. How can, how could a worn out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my husband is so old, because won't he do it? Won't he do it? Jonah? But Jonah got up and went to the, in the opposite direction to get away from the Lord. He flat out ignored God and said, no, I'm not going. I mean, God did have him swallowed by a whale, but it still, he still ran, went in a different direction. God said, do this, and he said, no, I don't think so. And God said, well, how about we rethink, re we rethink it in this whale? Okay. Moses again said, Lord, please send anyone else but me. Send anyone else but me. God said, no, no sir, you're going. David killed Goliath, but then later committed adultery and murder. Same David. Same David killed Goliath, but also, um, adultery and murder. Peter walked on water. We've all heard that story, right? But then. We don't often always hear what immediately follows. That is that then he sank because he doubted, because he took his eyes off the Lord. He also, the same Peter went on to deny Jesus three times and yet and yet, which I feel like is what the Bible we should say in the Bible. And yet they did X, Y, Z, and yet he still led the early church. And yet God still used him to lead the early church straight up, denied him three times. And yet in Habakkuk, which I very could, very well, could be saying that name wrong, you guys, when they question God's timing, his method, and even his existence in Habakkuk, it says, how long, oh Lord. Must I call for help, but you do not listen. I feel like we can relate to that as moms walking through estrangement. I hear that a lot from moms. I am praying, I'm asking, I'm pleading and yet silence from our children, and some people feel like from the Lord, job questions. God, just God's justice and asked why the wicked people were prospering. Thomas. Also known as doubting Thomas. I won't believe, unless I see the nail wounds in his hands. So lacking in faith, needed physical proof. I feel like that's relatable. How many times? It's like I, I need, I need it to be tangible, Lord. And then we feel guilty about the things that we ask. These people weren't perfect. They doubted, they struggled, and they messed up and they still showed up. They still trusted even when it didn't make sense and they praised in the middle of the storm, they stepped out in faith even when everyone else thought they were crazy. I also feel like that's so relatable because as estranged moms, I feel like as estranged moms, that's how it can feel for us. Because it's so farfetched that we could even be walking through this, and yet here we are walking through it and my hope is that we're walking through it well, where we're walking through it so closely with the Lord that it's inspiring to other people to see how we've handled this unbearable, unbelievable situation that we're faced with. So some other stories to just wrap it up really quick. Some cliff notes, but not of like all the positives. Moses argued with God about public speaking. David was an anointed king, but spent years running for his life before it actually happened. We forget about the years that he spent running for his life. I'm gonna pronounce his name wrong, you guys. Rahab was a prostitute in Jericho. Yet her faith saved her family and actually placed her in the lineage of Jesus. Jacob wrestled with God all night, refusing to let go until he was blessed. I think that story's hilarious because how are you gonna wrestle with God and demand that you be blessed? Elijah had a great victory, but became so discouraged that he asked God to let him die. Jonah literally tried to quit his God-given assignment and ended up in a fish. They were all real people with real struggles, and God still used them. None of these people were perfect. It's not like. God only used perfect People who never doubted him, never questioned him, never questioned what they were walking through, or why they were walking through it, who didn't struggle with shame, condemnation, wanting to die, any of those things. None of those things disqualified them from what God called them to. The Bible reminds us that when our kids act a fool, because they do. And currently they might be doing that. God isn't surprised. It's surprising and hurtful for us, but he's not caught off guard. He's not shocked. He's not panicked. If anything, I feel like the Bible is one long example of God watching his kids make questionable choices, wandering off doing their own thing, their own way. And how does he respond? Every single time with patience, with grace, with love that pursues, even when they're running the other direction. God gives us a beautiful example of how to love our kids when they're pulling away, even when they're making choices that we wouldn't. When they're walking roads, we've prayed, they wouldn't take, and while we can't have them swallowed by a whale, although that would be really nice sometimes just to like get them to sit and think. We can trust that God will guide us. He will show us how to show up, when to speak, when to stay silent, when to hold the line and when to let go. And he reminds us through the stories in the word that the story isn't over. It's not done. That's why we read our Bibles. That's why we open the word of God, not to check a box, not to feel more holy. We open it because it anchors us in the chaos and the pain and the hurt of estrangement. It reminds us that we're not alone. It tells us that God still moves, still speaks, and still calls. Ordinary, flawed, second guessing, excuse, making stubborn people. He does extraordinary things through them anyways, and yet, and yet he does extraordinary things through them. There's one story. When I was reading my Bible a couple years ago, that stuck with me. Um, and it's one of those stories that's kind of like sandwiched in there. You like, it's not really you. It's one that you don't really like notice, right? In Genesis 21, um, there's a story of Hagar and she finds herself in the wilderness with her son. They've run out of water. And there's, there's no plan. There's no way forward. There's no way to fix it. And in despair, she walks away from her son, not because she doesn't care about him, but because she can't bear to see her son suffer. She sits at a distance grieving what feels like the inevitable, which will be his death, and God meets her right then. Right in the pain, right in the wilderness, right in the place where she thought the story ends, in Genesis 2119, it says, then God opened hagar's eyes and she saw a well full of water. The well had been there all along. She just couldn't see it until God opened her eyes. And I feel that story is so relatable for so many different seasons because how often is that happening in our lives? So much of estrangement feels that way. What can we do? There's nothing we can do. We talk about that all the time. You've done the work and you're still blocked. How do you show them? What can we do? They've cut us off. What can we do? Friend, I, I need to ask you something, and I say this with so, so much love from one mother to another mother. What if this isn't just about them? What if God is trying to open your eyes not to fix anyone, not to force change, not to control an outcome, but to prepare your heart while you wait? Because the waiting isn't just hard. It's also holy. It's a refining fire that reveals what's been buried, our fears, our craving for control, our unspoken doubts, and the aches that we have tried so hard to quiet. What if this season isn't just about the outcome that you're praying for, but the transformation that God is doing in you? I have walked through wilderness seasons where I begged God to change everything around me. But what he really wanted was to change something within me. I spent so much energy trying to manage what I couldn't control. I let the waiting wear me down. I thought that if one thing shifted, then I could find peace. If they would just call, I could find peace. But what if peace doesn't come after the answer? What if it's found in the middle of the waiting when you allow God to do something deep inside of you? What if this season is your invitation to surrender, to grow, to be softened, to be strengthened, and to be stretched? What if the very thing you're dreading is the ground where healing begins? I won't tell you to try to minimize the pain. I won't pretend the waiting is easy, but I will remind you of this. The waiting is not wasted. So what if instead of waiting for them to change, you asked God to change you? What if instead of standing outside the wilderness staring at dry land, you sat in it with the Lord, waiting for him to reveal to you what's there a well of water? What if you leaned into his word and let this season become a place of encounter instead of escape? What if, just like he did with Hagar, God opened your eyes to the Well, the well of hope. The well of perspective, the well of grace, the well that refreshes and restores even when your child's story isn't yet finished because the well is there because God is still working even in the waiting. I hope this was encouraging to you guys. Thank you for being here. I'm praying for you this week. Have a wonderful, wonderful week.