Leadership Communication: Dealing With Pushback the Smart Way

Episode 47:  How Confident Leaders Respond to Pushback Without Losing Control 

Clarifying questions are a powerful leadership skill. This episode shows how executives use the right questions to redirect pushback and regain control without shutting people down.

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📝 Show Notes

💡 Topic:
Using Clarifying Questions to Lead Through Pushback

🎯 Key Takeaways:
• Why clarifying questions defuse tension
• How leaders uncover the real concern
• The difference between direction, timing, and execution
• Why humility strengthens authority
• When leaders should not ask questions

💬 Quote:
“Clarity beats control.”

📌 Quick Links
• Apply for coaching → podcast@samuellinton.com

• eBook → https://bit.ly/45iOkz8

🔑 Keywords:
leadership questions, executive communication, conflict clarity, leadership effectiveness

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

You're an executive, you're running a meeting, it's going great. You have everybody engaged, and then just when you thought you could bring the game over home plate, someone raises their hand, or they just speak out and say, I don't agree with what you're saying, or we've tried this before and it's not going to work, or you know what, I don't really know if this is the best way. There has to be a better way. Well, what do we do as leaders whenever someone pushes back against what we're doing? Not a hostile person, but a friendly. What do we do when in those meetings we are thinking it's going to go one way, but it actually goes a different way? Today I'm going to give you some tools to make sure that when that happens, not if it happens, but when that happens, you are going to be prepared to keep your executive presence intact despite what's going on in that room. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Welcome to the Sam Linton Show, the podcast designed to help you shift your mindset, find your voice, and change your world. Sam is a pastor, coach, and expert communicating, helping leaders and entrepreneurs like you step into their purpose, speak with confidence, and make a lasting difference.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

So I want to start this off by saying that if you're a leader and you've been a leader for some time, you don't want yes men or yes women in your team. Now, it might be tempting for you to say, oh, I just want someone that'll agree with me so that I can get things done. I'm a mover, I don't want to do things by committee. And I'm I get that. I've been in executive leadership for over two decades. And when you have people on your team who aren't willing to ask questions, who aren't willing to demand clarification, who aren't willing to suggest an alternate way to do things, sure, the meeting's gonna go well. But how well is your operation actually going to run? I mean, truly, like, are you going to be able to have an organization where people are giving a lot of value? Or are you gonna be doing everything yourself and everyone's gonna be agreeing? I would much prefer leaders around me who have strong opinions, who have strong takeaways from things and are willing to step up and speak, even though it seems inconvenient. And an inconvenient time for someone to speak against the agenda of the executive is in a meeting. The reason why is because most people in that meeting want the meeting to be over. They're not looking for it to be extended and thereby allow themselves one of those Bill Hayter in the movie theater with the popcorn moments where the leader, the executive, is having an argument with somebody about the direction it ought to go. Most people don't want that. So pushback, when it happens, has a reaction that you can't control. So today, my focus for this is we want to get you to realize what pushback actually is, if it's pushback and not hostility. Two different worlds there. We're aiming for pushback, not hostility. But we want to aim for what it really is, and then we want to help you to maintain your executive credibility as you direct that meeting. Let's take a look at reframing pushback first. That's gonna be the first thing. So the first thing is you have to reframe pushback. Most people, most leaders, when they're in the middle of something like this, they will tend to, not always, but they will tend to think that that pushback is disrespect. The pushback is they're not a team player, the pushback is a challenge, like somebody's trying to usurp your uh role that you might not even be that hot that you're in, you and they're trying to take that over, and you take that as a slight. Uh I've seen leaders really assume this. And if you go into a meeting assuming that every time you receive pushback from your team, it's one of these things. You are going to manage yourself and manage the way you communicate in a completely different way. It's not going to be neutral, it's going to be very, very definitively aggressive. And we don't want that. We don't want that to be the case. So the way you want to look at pushback, and this is going to help you, is pushback is simply information mixed with emotion. Information mixed with emotion. Now, you might be sitting here from a perspective of a leader who's in a technical field, and you're like, oh, we're not emotional. We are very, very strong in terms of how we communicate and everything is data, data, data. Well, just be aware that most folks govern what they do and say by their emotions. Now the data is a part of that, but their reaction to the data is an emotion. Even if they're kind of disinterested, that's an emotion. Apathetic, that's an emotion. Passionate, that's an emotion. Um, excited, that's an emotion. So you have to look at they're giving you information and it's mixed with some emotion. Because you have to figure out how to navigate that emotion in a way that will make you look better as a leader and not less prepared as a leader. So I'm gonna give you the tools. All right, so if you reframe it and go, this is a person that's just lending me some data, they're giving me data mixed with emotion, they've actually given me a gift. They've given me a gift. All right, so let's give you the tools. I'm gonna handle this the best way that I know how in different circumstances without getting too granular. So this might be a quick fire for you, but it also might you might find that this is most helpful. So, first, number one, the signature move that most executives use, and I would recommend to keep this in your back pocket, especially if somebody's offering pushback when you can't deal with the situation in that moment, is hey, let's take this conversation offline. Now, you might think this is a cop-out, the take it offline approach, but it's not because you're gonna deal with it offline. So, in a sense, if this person has a problem, you're telling them, I'm giving you even more of my attention concerning this problem. I'm I'm going to do this and give it the gravitas that it deserves, and I'm not going to blow it off in a meeting. So, when you want to use this, especially, there's only a handful of times where I think it's really appropriate to use, but a lot of leaders use it. I'm not saying it's the worst to use it as a default, but you want to do it if the conversation is getting too emotional. You want to do it if the conversation is getting too detailed, like they're really going in on what it's going to look like for them. And you see that the 10 other people in that meeting or the five other people in that meeting, it's really not pertaining to them. So the more detail you might want to say, hey, stop, I want to workshop this with you, but let's finish up these main points and then mean you can do this offline, right? Um, if it's getting personal. So if somebody, this happened to me in a in a church meeting I was doing. They were asking about structural things that was going on with the church, and they were, I could tell they were unhappy. I could tell there was something bothering them. So I probed a little bit and I said, Well, tell me what you think. And I noticed as they were speaking, they were getting more agitated, but it wasn't because of the subject or even the stance of the church. It was personal. So what I did is after the meeting, I went to that person directly because I, as the leader, it's my job to know if this is something institutional or if this is something personal. And as you're as a leader, if somebody is upset and they're emotional during a meeting and you know that their spouse just left them last night or their mother is in the hospital or something, you better be aware of that from a situational standpoint. And if it's personal, let's take it away. If they're bringing up personal things, let's take it away. If they're bringing up personal things about what's going on with them, let's take it away because nobody wants to hear that. Well, they might want to hear it, but it's not beneficial for the rest of your team to hear it. And then the last thing is if the agenda item that they bring up is completely off topic. So if we're talking about sales structure in 2026 and how we're going to get more sales, and they talk about a process for customer facing, blow the whistle, call the timeout, and say this is not gonna be time for this. We'll take this offline and we'll examine customer-facing situations offline. So keep that in mind. So emotional, too detailed, personal, off agenda, that's where you're gonna want to do the take it offline. You don't want to say we don't have time for this, you don't want to say let's move on. You want to acknowledge the value in it, but just say that the forum without saying these words, but you're acknowledging that the forum is inappropriate. I'm drinking some passion tea mixed with a uh monster energy drink, if anybody is interested. So um, I'll tell you just a quick personal thing. Starbucks, a couple maybe about two years ago, they released uh a Starbucks energy refresher. And they immediately took the uh item off of the menu because I think I ruined it for everybody because I would go in the morning and get one, and I didn't know what it was, I just thought it was a carbonated passion tea. So I drank one one day and I was like, ooh, that was delicious. And I never do this, but like later on that day I went back and got another one, and then I went to the lady and I said, Why is this so good? I said, Because yesterday I had two, I probably had three. She goes, You can't drink two of those. I said, Yes, I can. They I bought it and it was, she's like, No, she's like, that's filled with energy. That's an energy drink, a huge energy drink, and you can't do that. And I said, Well, I did, and look at how strong I am. And I wondered why I was so productive and able to figure out the things of life. So they discontinued it. I feel like people like me ruined it for everyone. They don't offer those anymore. However, I cracked the recipe by making my own straw Starbucks energy drink and putting a zero or passion tea and putting a zero calorie uh monster energy drink in there. It tastes almost exactly the same. So that was my biggest win so far for 2026. If anybody was wondering, if you want to know personally how I'm doing, that's what I would say. Now, if I brought this up in a meeting, you would say, let's take this offline, Sam. And I would say, but I'm I'm giving you the opportunity to have the whole entire staff changed by my Starbucks energy drink knockoff. All right, let's get back to topic. So uh take it offline, that's a good method. Next, um, I would say this is Jedi level, if you can do this one, and that is the clarifying question. The clarifying question. That's when they push back, but you as the leader are willing to pull the thread by asking a clarifying or redirecting question. So examples of this type of a question. Can you help me to get into your head and see what you're concerned about here specifically? Another clarifying question. Is this issue you're having the direction we're going, the timing we have on it, or the implementation, right? Like you're really wanting them to give you the gift of what it is that they're pushing back on. Next, and this one is a little bit more open-ended. What outcome are you wanting to achieve here? For here, like what are you hoping for in this? Like, what are you thinking could happen? So sometimes, and this has been helpful with me, and when I've talked to leaders that I've worked with, strong leaders, we often have two different outcomes. I know that's crazy, but I'll be talking about a how you do something. Like, this is what you have to do, this is how you do it, and we're going over this, and they're disagreeing. And sometimes just stopping and saying, What are you wanting to have happen? And they'll say, Oh, I want blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, we don't want that to happen at all. That's not what our win is at all. And Andy Stanley in his book, uh Communicating for a Change, or no, I'm sorry, uh, his book about ministry. I think it's uh a ministry breakthrough or something. It's an older book. He said that you have to clarify the win. And sometimes that in in in these situations, the win isn't clarified, it's not properly clarified. So no one is really firing together. So you want to ask a clarifying question. Now, why I say this is Jedi level is because this is you now taking the steering wheel, so to speak, of that meeting and essentially giving it to them to explore a little deeper about what it is that's bothering them. If this is gonna benefit the whole group, I'd say go for it. This is a great way for people to feel heard and validated. This is a phenomenal way for you to get more clarity about what's going on with that team player that may be pushing back. This is an awesome example of you showing humility and leadership. Um, it beats the we'll take this offline because you're dealing with it now, but you are opening up for the wild card of, I have no idea what the heck this person's gonna say. They might be in left field and we'll have to set them straight, especially with regard to their outcome and their approach to the outcome. So you want to make sure that your questions that you ask a question that you're not afraid to hear the answer to. If they say, I'll give you an example. If they say, if you ask the what outcome are you hoping for here, and they say, I think this whole initiative is stupid, and I think that we should have never done it, and what we should have done is go back to something that worked back in 2015, you now have a little bit of a hostility situation on your hands. But hopefully, as the leader, you know enough about the people to get a gauge on what kind of situation they're bringing you into. So keep that in mind. All right, so that's the second one is the clarifying question. Pivot Ross from Friends, pivot, pivot. I hate Ross from Friends. It's another thing I just want to opine about. Uh, I I don't know why. Like I I never liked friends as a show per se. It wasn't my friend, I was a Seinfeld guy. I feel like you're one or the other, but um, with friends, I I couldn't get past Ross. I couldn't get past, like, I cannot. It's really tough for me. So that was the only funny thing is the pivot thing. Pivot, when he's moving the couch, Google it if you uh if you feel the need to. All right, a lot of a lot of weird things this morning. I haven't done this in a while, so I'm all over the place. Okay, next. Um, the boundary validation combo. The boundary validation combo. Now, this is where you're not really essentially looking for that clarifying moment where they're giving you what they see as the right direction, or they're giving you maybe the issue they have. This is you validating their concern, but also putting a boundary in that you are not really wanting to explore this right now. So this is a little bit, again, these are all ninja level, but you can try to work them out and give it a shot. So, validation, a couple things when we say validation. Sometimes if you're a stronger leader and you're feeling challenged, you're gonna say, Well, I'm not validating their opinion, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like you, you'll feel feel that this pushback again is an attack on you. But validation doesn't always mean agreement. In fact, sometimes it doesn't mean agreement at all. Validation is simply that you are listening to them and their points are valid. I will have this conversation in my marriage sometimes. My wife will say, just tell me you understand where I'm coming from. And that alone shows me that I wasn't showing her that I was validated. Of course, that's never ever happened. I'm being fictitious, but um, no, it's happened quite a bit. But in those moments, you have to validate that you see where they're coming from. This is where that empathetic listening, trying to see things from the other person's perspective. So validation doesn't always mean agreement, but validation means that you are valuing them as a person and putting boundaries on the conversation. So, an example would be I appreciate you raising this concern. All right. That is a neutral statement. That's not, oh man, you nailed it. I wish you would have brought this up. This is great that you did. No, you're not happy they brought it up. It's not germane to the discussion, it's not helpful, you know, it's pushing back. But this is where the boundary comes in. I appreciate that's the validation. But don't say but, I would just say nothing in between and say the decision stands on how we're going to do this. So I appreciate you raising that and the decision stands for today. You want to not use the word but because but just people only hear the negative with the but. It's a bad start, it's a really a bad way to engage in the conversation. They're gonna say, Oh yeah, he pretended like he cared, and then he said, but, and then everything after that is Charlie Brown's teacher. So you want to make sure that you are validating but also putting a boundary in that this is not going anywhere in particular. Or you might say something like that is a fair perspective, or that is a well thought out idea. And then add, we are aligned on execution for this right now. So there's no question as to where you're going with regard to what's happening in that meeting. This is where somebody just might want to be heard, and you're letting them be heard, but they aren't going to necessarily win in the direction. And this is important. You have to read the room for all of these, you can't just go for it and see what happens. All right, so that's the next one. All right, let's move to the other one. And I've seen people do this. This is great for visual learners. It's called the parking lot board or the parking lot strategy. Uh, I I don't I don't necessarily use this because a lot of our meetings and discussions are extemporaneous. But what works here is this is gonna really engage people that are non-verbal. So what you do is on somewhere in a whiteboard or a post-it, you know, one of the um flip charts, if you have those, you might have an agenda, and then off to the side, you're just gonna draw a square. Or you could put it off as a permanent thing that's in the room you're in. And if something comes up and it's worth discussing, but it's not able to be discussed at that moment, go ahead and throw that issue in that parking lot. This is you signifying that it's important enough to be written down. You want to acknowledge that, again, this is acknowledgement, you want to acknowledge that you've heard them, but right now we have to stick it in the parking lot because we're not ready to move that vehicle yet, if I'll keep this analogy going. You you want them to be aware that you've seen it. Now, why is this important? Because usually people only write down things that are important. And when they see that you're writing something important down on a board, it's going to make them feel important for bringing up the idea. So it's signaling respect to them. It's also keeping the momentum in the meeting going if they're trying to derail. So this way, when you're having that put on the whiteboard, they see it. And sometimes just seeing it in writing is enough. Also, sometimes, fun fact about putting things in writing a lot of times putting things in writing actually eliminates the need for them to be discussed. Like once you see it in writing, like bring clown for kids program at noon, and you write it down, you're like, that's not gonna happen because who's gonna bring the clown? How much is the clown gonna cost? What if people don't like clowns? What if there's a fear of clowns? Like just writing it down eliminates because when you write something down, and I'm not, this isn't what we're here to talk about, but it engages a different part of your brain than just verbal processing. It's interesting how that works. But for this case, it's you showing respect for the person's ideas and desires by putting their idea on some sort of a stage and not just, hey, we'll talk about this offline, right? So that's the parking lot, and it's it's important. All right, something could try. All right, now. Um, last thing, and this isn't something to do in the meeting, this is something to do after the meeting. So this is your post-meeting power move in an executive way, not in a manipulative way. What to do after the meeting is what I would suggest doing as most important is if somebody has something and it goes south in the meeting and maybe their pushback isn't met, after the meeting, you call a second meeting and you just go right to them, hey, I appreciated you speaking up. I understand why you felt that way. I want to explore this a little bit with you. And you acknowledge them. This is a power move for an executive because, again, you're showing them that you value their time. You're showing them that you value their bravery in bringing it up. You're showing them that when they communicate, they're rewarded with more of your attention and not any tension. So when this happens, if you can do this, it really, really continues to strengthen because this isn't just about public speaking or communication. It really strengthens how you perceive their contribution to the team and how they perceive your leadership to the team. So this is doing some heavy lifting, but you don't want to throw it away. It's a great way for you to catch people doing something right by acknowledging that you appreciated what they said. It really preserves their dignity, it builds trust, and it because it's going to prevent future friction in meetings. It's also going to probably make them bring up things that are not relevant less, because they're going to see that you're taking this serious instead of just blowing it off and moving to the next thing, which so many of us are tending to do because there's always a next thing, right? There's always a next thing. So back to the recap. Take it offline. Everybody knows that one. Clarifying pivot question, pivot, uh, validation with boundaries, parking lot, physical illustration. Or um, once that's all done, your extra step would be the post-meeting follow-up power move, where you're showing them that you care because you do care and you want them to be satisfied, heard, felt, and a part of the team. All that. Now, I would love to work with you this year if you are interested in becoming a better version of a communicator as a leader. Um, you can reach me at podcast at samuelinton.com and I'll let you know all of the different programs that I have that I could help you with. I'm doing, I already have some things scheduled for the upcoming year, some workshops that I'm working on with some teams, and I would love to help you get your teams elevated and your leadership presence solidified. So if that sounds like something you're interested in, podcast at samuelinton.com. Happy New Year. Uh, this is, I know, the second full week of the year, but I'm really excited about what 2026 is going to bring for you as a communicator as you try to lead better like never before. So let's continue to focus on shifting our mindset, finding our voice, and changing our world. We'll see you next week.