Up in Flames - Workplace Solutions

Billy, Bill - Samantha, Sam - Little Bullys to Big Harassment in the Workplace

October 03, 2019 Abby Bolt
Up in Flames - Workplace Solutions
Billy, Bill - Samantha, Sam - Little Bullys to Big Harassment in the Workplace
Show Notes Transcript

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Speaker 2:

[inaudible]

Abby:

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Up in Flames. I'm your host, but more importantly, your advocate Abby Bolt. When the most dangerous part of your job isn't fighting fire, you know you've got a problem. Fighting fire was actually the easiest part of my career thus far. Even repelling out of helicopters, digging line on the side of a mountain. All that didn't compare to the stress and trauma that happens within a toxic work environment. From all the people I've talked to in the last few years and everything I've researched in the stories that have been sent to me from employees across the country who are struggling in their own place of work, not just on the mountain but then the office. I can say with a lot of certainty that the injuries, even though they may be hidden or quite higher than the physical injuries that occur on the job, mental health is no joke. I can't help but wonder how many people we've actually lost. Assuming it was because of something else and not a toxic work environment. I know for me, I felt a lot of stress in my life and of course I had some difficult things happen. I dealt with a divorce, a custody battle, my mom's cancer. However it was walking into the workplace. That was the hardest thing. I could walk into a hospital room where my mom was struggling. Handle the nurses and doctors, bad news, good news, difficult decisions. I can handle being on a fire, trying to save homes, seeing pets lost, livestock scorched! All that wasn't as difficult as the anxiety and stress that can be applied when you're trying to thrive in a toxic environment. What's really scary is there are people in the workplace who are literally injuring. If not, I hate to see it, killing their peers without realizing it. It comes down to basic human behavior. I don't have to have a psychology degree to realize the nuances that occur in the workplace that rip people apart. Whenever I go volunteer at my son's school, I can see the exact same thing on their playground that's happening and workplaces across the country. I see the cliques formed. The little kids choosing who to hang out with. Blocking the other ones from playing games with them. Pushing each other out of the way of the swing set. Getting frustrated when they don't get their way. Showing their frustration to their friends. Picking on each other, making fun, teasing. All those typical schoolyard behaviors smacked right in the middle of adult workplaces. Now imagine your schoolyard bully. Let's say his name is Billy. He's horrible at you. He just makes you feel bad every day in some way that you can't quite explain. He makes the other kids laugh at you. He teases, talks behind your back. Snickers under his breath. Tries to exert power over you. Maybe tells you,"You can't get on the swings. Those monkey bars are mine". He makes fun of your shirt. Tell some of your best friends what a loser you are. Goes to the teacher to tattle on you for things you never did, just so that he can exert some sort of control. Billy's rotten. Billy doesn't care about you. He's a bully and he could care less about how he's harming your personal life and take that same kid, Billy. All grown up now he's Bill. He's gone through college, been successful, played sports, got a degree, got married, had some kids. He probably had a pretty good life. But did he ever shake that bully tendency? Now put him in an adult workplace. Imagine that Billy is now your boss. Do you think that behavior is really changed that much? Or has it simply grown? Billy knew how to be a manipulator way back in grade school. Those manipulative tendencies have only grown throughout the years and gotten smarter along with Billy. Just like he laughed at the stupid quizzes and work they had to do in class. He blows off the harassment training. Or the series discussions about how to treat his peers, subordinates and supervisors. Just like in the classroom, Billy would show up to the teacher. Wanting her to like him more than the rest. He would talk bad about the other kids, maybe tattle on them when they weren't listening. Or maybe tattle on them to the teacher when they weren't watching. Just to get her to like him a little more than the rest. He figured if he could get to the teacher and get her to think they were being bad kids, it would get them in a better light and his failures would be more acceptable. Why do you think that Billy would be any different now that he's all grown up and named Bill? Some people grow out of it. Some people grow into it because of their own lack of confidence. But when we try to pretend like these things aren't happening in the adult workplaces, we are kidding ourselves. We need to embrace these issues. Just like we're on the school yard. I go to meetings with frustrated parents, teachers and administrators trying to figure out how to solve bullying issues that are happening at this school. Those meetings and talks her almost verbatim to the trainings that are happening in our workplace. But there's so many people that don't want to accept that it's even happening. I'll tell you this. When you're in school, let's say you're in the third grade, unless you're getting picked on or unless you see a friend getting picked on, unless you truly experience it, you wouldn't believe it either. You would think that all this talk about school yard bullies is a punch of bowl. That's exactly what happens in the adult workplace. You know that rotten bully back in school and most oftentimes their parents are completely supportive. They think that they're a little, Billy is the best kid around and there's no way he'd ever pick on someone else. That's just like our workplace. The higher ups think that these supervisors are great people. Because let's face it, the supervisors telling the managers that they're great people, they're manipulated. Just like Billy's parents back in third grade. They only see what Billy wants them to see. And when the teacher calls to say there's an issue, they don't want to believe it. They believe a teacher must be the issue or the other kids, but certainly not Billy. Can you see how all of these behaviors just duplicate themselves into adulthood? My point is that we must open our eyes and accept that these things happen in adult workplaces. People do get picked on just like they did in grade school. It's just at a completely different level and more mature. Well, you can call it that. Adults are far smarter and more manipulative than any little kid ever could be. So imagine the difference. The best bullies, the smarts ones, they know how to do it so they don't get caught. And most of the time they don't even realize they're being bullies. Just like Billy back in third grade, they think that everyone else is the problem, not them. It's really hard for them to step outside of this situation and look back in and ask themselves if they're making the right decisions and treating people fairly. Are they being honest with the teacher? Or with their manager or High up? Or are they just trying to paint a picture and give them to see what Billy wants them to see? I encourage you to open your eyes in this vast adult workplace and encourage others to open theirs as well. Realize that this could be going on. And that you can do something about it. If you see something, say something about it. If you can make a change, treat someone just a little bit better. Or maybe help them see how they're treating others with disrespect, be that person. Go above and beyond, push the limits and don't be afraid. We get retaliated on for speaking up? Possibly, but I think it's time that we stopped being afraid of that because fear is exactly what the bully wants. Silence is their weapon. Let's not be silent anymore. Well, that's a wrap. On this particular fire. Now, I created Up in Flames as an effort to stoke a few fires and ignite moral courage in the workplace and far beyond. The majority of my experience is as a firefighter for a federal agency. So while that is my base, this mission will go far beyond the federal workforce. We'll keep discussing challenges and solutions that apply not only in our professional cultures, but throughout our society as a whole. The Up in Flames' mission is no ordinary challenge. It's a culture shifting project powered by you. To keep Up in Flames going strong, go to AbbyBolt.com and hit that link at the top and become a patron. Up in Flames' patrons get special access to behind the scenes info, backstories, content that no one else knows about. Not to mention early access to many episodes. Now to my patrons and those you have been so kind as to leave a review or even send me an email sharing your experience, you have proven to me that this is all worth it. I invite anyone who wants to reach out to hit me up at abby@upinflames.org. Now, listen closely in the background now and then you might hear a big, old great Pyrenees barking while on duty. Or the far whining of a quarter horse. That's because while I do record for many locations, I'm usually recording in my home office on the Bolt ranch, which is unpredictable with the animals, but you know what? While some days can be a little exhausting and very unpredictable, there's no place else I'd rather be. Thanks again to my folks Terry and Red Bolt for hanging onto it so tight and giving all this Bolt girls the courage to do what we do.[inaudible].