As we settle into the rhythm of heart-to-heart conversations, we're thrilled to welcome Caroline and Everett Holmon, a couple whose 35-year journey through matrimony is a testament to love's steadfast nature. Their candidness about the early hurdles of blending pre-marriage lifestyles, and the critical path communication carved for them, is both enlightening and inspiring. They remind us that true partnership is about adapting, growing, and facing the winds of challenge together, as they recount the lessons learned from navigating jealousy and building a life unified in purpose and passion.
Exploring the nuanced dance of marriage and parenting, we delve into the Houghmans' experience with intertwining differing religious beliefs and the shared commitment to raising a family within their faith. Their story unfolds to reveal how they struck a delicate balance amidst military deployments, demonstrating the resilience required when external commitments test the bonds of partnership. Their insights shine a light on the indispensable role of adaptability and mutual support, crafting an encouraging blueprint for couples facing similar trials.
The episode crescendos with a reflection on the importance of shared experiences and spiritual growth. Understanding that Christ is the cornerstone of their marital strength, Caroline and Everett exemplify how to nurture a relationship over time. As we celebrate the richness of our community and the extraordinary individuals within it, we're reminded to honor the unity that sustains us all. So join us as we invest in the wisdom of these seasoned souls, and seek to fortify the connections that make our lives truly rich.
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
As we settle into the rhythm of heart-to-heart conversations, we're thrilled to welcome Caroline and Everett Holmon, a couple whose 35-year journey through matrimony is a testament to love's steadfast nature. Their candidness about the early hurdles of blending pre-marriage lifestyles, and the critical path communication carved for them, is both enlightening and inspiring. They remind us that true partnership is about adapting, growing, and facing the winds of challenge together, as they recount the lessons learned from navigating jealousy and building a life unified in purpose and passion.
Exploring the nuanced dance of marriage and parenting, we delve into the Houghmans' experience with intertwining differing religious beliefs and the shared commitment to raising a family within their faith. Their story unfolds to reveal how they struck a delicate balance amidst military deployments, demonstrating the resilience required when external commitments test the bonds of partnership. Their insights shine a light on the indispensable role of adaptability and mutual support, crafting an encouraging blueprint for couples facing similar trials.
The episode crescendos with a reflection on the importance of shared experiences and spiritual growth. Understanding that Christ is the cornerstone of their marital strength, Caroline and Everett exemplify how to nurture a relationship over time. As we celebrate the richness of our community and the extraordinary individuals within it, we're reminded to honor the unity that sustains us all. So join us as we invest in the wisdom of these seasoned souls, and seek to fortify the connections that make our lives truly rich.
Rich Relationships Refuge podcast with Gilbert J and Renée M. Beavers is fantastic because it's the best place to explore the reality of relationships — the good, the bad, and the painful and confusing. This podcast helps to illuminate what it means to be intimate with others and what it teaches people about them. It will make you want to strive for a kinder, more fun relationship with others., This a place where love flourishes, bonds deepen, and relationships thrive. We're Gil and Renee, authors, and marriage coaches, and we're honored to walk alongside you on your journey towards a rich and fulfilling partnership.
In a world where relationships can feel like a maze, we believe in providing you with the compass and map to navigate the path of love with confidence and grace. Whether you're single and seeking, newly dating, or preparing for marriage, our app is your sanctuary—a refuge where you can find guidance, support, and inspiration every step of the way.
https://www.richrrmarriagementors.com/book-online
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil.
Speaker 2:
And Renee, where amazing things happen. Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore healthy relationships. Hello, hello. It's been a long time, guys. We haven't been doing our podcast since.
Speaker 3:
June and because you guys have been asking for it y'all tired of looking at us constantly we decided we got some good friends that we're going to bring in to share some of the marital wisdom that they have over all these years that they've been together. So we just looking forward to talking. I'm sorry, I just cut everybody off. See, I just got excited.
Speaker 2:
Y'all, y'all see, this is what Gil looks like. He gets excited about me around, this friend. So we are calling this episode Adulting and Marriage, and we have a couple that we've known for 30 years naming Mary for 35 years, and I'll explain to you why it's called Adulting and Marriage Because we got married. We were in our 20s and we were younger, and so now couples are not getting married until they're older, later in the evening. But we were adulting and doing marriage at the same time, and so let's welcome our guests, caroline and Edward Houghman.
Speaker 4:
Hey, thank you guys for joining us.
Speaker 3:
Thank you, guys, for visiting Before we even got started, got started shooting and everything you know you guys set up and everything and we thank them for letting them come to the house and just interview them and talk to them. Just like come to their house right. So we had to come over and they allowed us to just come over, I know, we ain't got no hold.
Speaker 3:
We trying, thank God they. Caroline is a fellow Detroiters, so we all agree with that. So we appreciate you guys letting us come and hang out with you guys, no problem, yeah, anytime, baby, anytime.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, edward is from East St Louis, so any chance you're going to get married?
Speaker 5:
No, it's the best city in the world.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, the rest of these right, we were to ask you a question. I think it's a very appropriate question because so many times there's so much no ways and everyone is talking about marriage, people or any other pop we talk about, but I think sometimes we were talking about marriage. They're talking about the perspective of maybe five or six years. You guys have been married for 35 years.
Speaker 2:
So what does that look like to you guys as far as what has been one of the struggles that you guys have overcome in the 35 years that you would share with someone who's just on you?
Speaker 5:
Okay, well, I guess we both can answer that. I think we're going to both have two different opinions on that. I think one of the biggest struggles we have was our very first year of marriage. Really, yeah, that was a terrible time, I would say, and I think, from my perspective, is because I knew about marriage but I didn't have a clue about what marriage really is, if that makes sense. Let me put it this way it's annoying to word marriage but not understanding what it takes to have a marriage and in those times you enter something that you're unsure about or it's like going to the, launching it to the deep without the proper equipment. Say that if you need it. And that's how I felt, because it changed my whole lifestyle. It just changed everything and just upset some things and therefore, if you will, it was going kicking and screaming. After you laid to it. You was going kicking and screaming yeah.
Speaker 5:
I'm fine, I'm ready to it. Once you say I do, it's cool, but after that, that's what's coming, what takes place. So that was a tough time for us. I'm going to say, carol, I think it's a spain to us. You can tell you how tough it was once.
Speaker 4:
I think we both had already settled into our lifestyle and I was in college, he was in the military and then I withdrew from college to go be with him and when you think about it, because he was in the military he already had established friends, relationships, his lifestyle, and I just came in and just told me into writing to that and I do.
Speaker 2:
It's what we do.
Speaker 3:
When you say you're interrupting it. How would you describe that? Did it feel like an interruption to you? For me, yeah, probably so. Yeah, you're not a routine man.
Speaker 5:
That's what you do. You go out on a weekend because we wasn't in a church at any. You go out on a weekend and hang out with your boys and you do what you want to do. It's the whole thing. I am the captain of my soul and a mess on my shield at least with my faults at that time and I was his thought. It's hold on. I'm a grown person. You can't tell me what to do, or I need to be you there.
Speaker 4:
Yeah, but when I came on, that had to come to a stop because I felt like now we need to concentrate on each other and I understand you have friends, but I think I was also jealous that he did have friends. I had none.
Speaker 2:
So it didn't mean you were what.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, yeah, I hear that when, because it's normal when the transitioning relationship happens. But you have to realize that when those transitions happen, you have to acknowledge it and think about it and say what is our plan, what is going to be our plan for how we're going to move through this. So if you find that you're in that position where you're finding that jealousy set in or frustration, think about it.
Speaker 2:
It's natural and it's a copy. But, like what Terrell said, she hauled me the next.
Speaker 4:
She was jealous and then yeah you're right, I owned it, and the thing that I noticed is I didn't confront him in that manner, saying, hey, this bothers me. You got friends I don't have anywhere. Blah, blah, blah. I kind of took it out on you. You know like yeah, because I didn't have those relationships. I didn't have anybody I can get out with. I didn't have, so I was well. He wanted to go out. You know, I just cut a fool.
Speaker 2:
He'd about the same token.
Speaker 5:
I did not include her into you know what? I'm trying to put her into your life, but you're free.
Speaker 3:
Absolutely.
Speaker 2:
Give me an example of colorful. What is that For the people?
Speaker 1:
in the back, who don't know what colorful, it is.
Speaker 4:
So kind of cool it is. He would say, well, you know, it was no heads up. He would just say, hey, I'm going out tonight and I'm like where?
Speaker 3:
Why I'm the interrogation.
Speaker 4:
Yeah, like, oh no, not without me, we back on the NTO club without me. No, I mean, and then I would get angry, have that style of treatment and just just act real natural. So that was my cutting.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, yeah. Did you know what happened from your side of the street? Who did that look like? When she would come in front of you or interrogate you when it was time to go out? Well, you know.
Speaker 5:
I think it's from two fronts, and the reason why I say two fronts because, one, you have your boys in the background. That's in your ear, you know, in your boys' office saying that, oh man, you're not real, a real man, because you can make your own decision, not where they sing or marry single.
Speaker 2:
Don't make her single Absolutely.
Speaker 5:
Because you were boys. You do all your things, what you do with your boys, and now you got to answer someone else before you are conceived Well, I couldn't include them, I had to to them. Well, I'm certain that's what it felt like Absolutely, and so when you look at that, you know you have to deal with that.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 5:
And then you have to deal with the other issue with how do you talk to your spouse? Or at the time, probably they feel like a spouse, because now you feel like somebody attacking your man Right, if they make sense. Yeah, because now you say I'm a man, but now you telling me that what I can, it cannot do it.
Speaker 2:
So it's an internal struggle with you identifying that it really is not hard. It's how what she said made you feel.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, it's, that is something If that makes sense, yeah, so how did you guys navigate that? When that cut up, cut a fool, cut a fool when that happened, or even just not just that, only that incident, but any kind of conflict. You know that you learn, or where did you guys learn how to deal with it?
Speaker 5:
You know a very good question. Great Come on.
Speaker 4:
I can say that it came down to us actually sitting down and talking because I don't want to go in too deep here, sure, but we had to have that conversation where we sat down and said, hey, we're going to make this work, this is what's going to happen, right, yeah, but it was a lot before that that happened.
Speaker 4:
Like I said, we don't have the time, but yeah it's a lot before that, but we did sit down and say if we're going to make this work, we have to set these boundaries or we have to talk about. This is how it's going to happen. And one of the main things that we talked about that we've never discussed again is we will never say I want to divorce who's?
Speaker 4:
they Say it again, say it again, say it again Say it again yes, never says that's, that's desperate, that's why you're just trying to really hurt someone. So we can say it to each other we will never say that again.
Speaker 2:
The thing is so beautiful is that that's the same thing we did. We took it off the table in the beginning. So that's something that you're looking for a steeper to success and longevity. Take divorce off the table.
Speaker 5:
We call it the big D word.
Speaker 3:
And we do it.
Speaker 2:
And it don't stand for.
Speaker 3:
Detroit.
Speaker 1:
We're not talking about that big.
Speaker 5:
Definitely right, and I think that was really a big thing for us. Because now that we took that off the table, now guess what? We got to figure out how to make it work.
Speaker 3:
So that required you to, like you said I love that. You said communicate, but you had to have a conversation Absolutely so many times Now with your girl, now with your boy, but what's the person that is involved? Because so many times you'll have a need to have a conversation, but sweep it under rug and y'all probably seen the video. We did a little short on sweeping it under rug, but that is exactly what we're talking about, where you cannot allow things to go unaddressed, because if you do that, you're just delaying the inevitable. You're delaying a conversation. It's going to be a lot harder, a lot ugly and more than likely, a lot of people are going to be cutting up. You know, in that conversation that's going to almost re-roll any bill that you have in your trust but also any direction that you're trying to go in a positive direction for your relationship.
Speaker 2:
Yes, I have a question. So like, did you guys like have this book you read, or like so it came to you, or did you watch a video?
Speaker 5:
or I thought we didn't have none of that.
Speaker 2:
So how did you guys fit your out that you could have a conversation?
Speaker 5:
Well, we didn't, to be honest. I mean, it was one of the things, as I said, that first year was really tough to, you know, and just all of that. We never did get into physical violence and you know, we're just a lot of just yelling and calling out names and stuff, but it just come to a point where you just get fed up and say, okay, we got this talk of here something.
Speaker 3:
Now, what's the years where you guys in at this point?
Speaker 4:
One year.
Speaker 3:
You know it was so funny, though that's year one, so I would even say, thinking back on it, when you're married, when you're newlyweds, it's almost like you still have those elements of dating and you still have a lot of elements of singlehood, just because you walk down the aisle and the Bible tells us that the two shall become one, and then it happens right there Once you say those vows. But there is a natural but naturally. You know, galatians talk about the fruits of the spirit and the flesh, and your own nature versus your new nature. So your old nature is still in control. Scream has special Absolutely.
Speaker 5:
You know what we come to understand over the years that even though the two become one, but we still are two separate individuals. We're separate thought, separate ideas.
Speaker 2:
All within dreams.
Speaker 5:
And so it takes some work together to make those two become one. You know to realize that, because I can't stop making Carolina meaningful with Carolina, you know she can stop me from being one. So that's what, that's where communication comes into play, and working those things out.
Speaker 3:
That's awesome. You mean, you think about it and that's just the beginning of the stage of your relationship. What can you talk about? A little bit of some of the major challenges that you face after year one, that was a challenge that you guys either merge, that we or somebody shared with you Something to help you along the way if anything sticks out in there.
Speaker 5:
That's a good question. Um, let me see. After we got to the challenge it was sad, that's how we're going. Uh, once we got into the church, that became another challenge.
Speaker 2:
What year was that? What stage in your marriage?
Speaker 5:
This was about year five, six, okay.
Speaker 3:
So four years of figuring things out on your own.
Speaker 5:
Yeah, okay, and then we got in the church and so then we start to. First she was in the church and the item Something later came into the church.
Speaker 2:
You make any trades. You mean a gay to hard to do so, gay to watch it? Okay, yeah, like if the people in the back, they go hard to Jesus absolutely because I can tell a lot about the church but Jesus ain't in the heart In the fire today.
Speaker 5:
I recall us having conversation about before we had children. How are we gonna be inside cheer here? Wow, Johnny grew up cat that, I grew up the church of God in Christ Whoo, and so they'll put two conflicting views to speak. So neither one of us is safe or in the church. But we use our little organs. About that I mean. But after we got into the church and you gave my life to go out, all that went away. Yeah, but the point that, the point that I'm on in military, is that we start. As we got on that journey to a church, I got more development in the church. I seem like I would put in the church before the family. That's for me. Your thing was about the church, about the church by the church, dedication. Now, if we got a be there at eight o'clock or so, then we need be there either clock. You know there was some time to say no, you guys, not really I'm being we had to drive a different car.
Speaker 3:
Wow. So what was that like from your side of the street when you first I got a dress this part? How did you go up in Detroit? I mean, you gotta talk to about.
Speaker 4:
My grandmother okay, and she was Catholic okay, and so she would send me to Mass, mass with my ITM, and Sunday okay, but then she started because she on the store, so she had his tour open up Sunday. But then what my grandmother start doing is sometime my auntie went going to mass. She is taking the church from where I was, so I would be in church. Once I made back this with my grandmother One Sunday, pentecostal, with the lady that worked at the store, the next Sunday I'd be at Mass.
Speaker 2:
So yes, and you have, so was there's a little bit of.
Speaker 3:
So how did that transition happen?
Speaker 4:
I was in mass more than anything, and especially when I was with my grandmother. I attended mass right in another services.
Speaker 5:
But I remember after we got married went to a few mass day I told, come, we can't do this. I Like this is ridiculous. Yeah, I mean, you know, into this respect.
Speaker 4:
Where the confusion came in our marriages of. There was a guy that came and he was telling them psychopedias. Well, we decided, well, we don't have any kids, we don't have computers at this, right, yes, so we're gonna get us to the site like videos Virtually.
Speaker 4:
So we got invited those psychopedias. He said, well, within psychopathy you should get a Bible. Would you like Protestant or Catholic or something? You say yeah to that nature, protestant, bible, catholic. And we look and I tell the ever say Proud of the Catholic. But that was the part where we were like we got to come on one accord. But what we're gonna raise say that one more time.
Speaker 4:
We have to come on one accord as to how we're gonna go about raising our children, because God is not a God of confusion. No, he's, and you're not gonna bring children into a world. It confused them way, you know. You got me get them out of Tuner tea to pick what they want when they get older. But as young, you know children weird the parents. We have the guy again, no. So that's where we got so.
Speaker 3:
So if you find yourself in that kind of struggle where Whether it's contention that you first stage your marriage and your early part of your marriage, or even if you're in a latter stage You're in year four or five, if you are along that track Start paying attention to little tensions and little things that are in your relationship that could actually be points of conversation, you'll notice that they emphasize that Conversation is something that has got to happen. That's because and it's everything from something as small as hanging out with your friends to what kind of Bible are you gonna read Everything matters. So don't take any of that Lightning. So we thank you guys for checking in and hanging out with us on this episode of the rich relationship podcast with gillum and a, we have Carolyn every getting us some of the wisdom of all the years of marriage.
Speaker 3:
In there adult in marriage. So we just have the casual conversation. This is just kind of free flowing, but this is what real life looks like after you got in past some of those rough stages. So we just want to continue the conversation hang out. But I got a question between the transition from some of the younger things that you guys went through To some of the things that life experience, like you said you mentioned that you were in the military what about moving and making some changes when the kids came along? That, as far as, how did that happen? Or what kind of impact did that play in your relationship when children came along?
Speaker 5:
well, you start up, does that?
Speaker 4:
I think it was a big transition and I want to say, because Ever was deployed a lot, Okay. And that is something that I don't. I wasn't ready because I had a single parent.
Speaker 5:
Yeah, as I was a, it wasn't a big transition.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, well, that's the thing about being a military wife. A lot of times you are a married, single parent and a lot of people don't know that they never experienced it because our dynamics are just some difference. Military wives.
Speaker 3:
So you had two babies, babies, you got two right.
Speaker 4:
I had um, they were 22 months apart. Yep, two girls and, and, and, like I said it was, it was kind of hard being there, you know, trying to figure out what's my next step, what am I to do, but you learn, and God give you guidance. Or um, and forever, like he said, it was kind of easy for him, but I Don't think it was easy because always use him as the individual. I'm gonna tell you back.
Speaker 5:
So, I know I don't have much to say with that, because I mean let's phrase to me I think part of it cost. I wasn't there most of the time. Yeah, you know, but when I was older, you know, when they got older was just right, you know was it was younger man. Most my time I spent playing with him. Yeah, you know, I was to play that right. But as they got older they started doing all the girly stuff. So they start pushing me to the side and go more to their mom. They want to go shopping, painting nails and all that stuff.
Speaker 3:
So it made it easy for me. Yeah, so I want you to talk a little bit about being gone, even though we we're both retired military, but even if sometimes you can have that in the house but not really interact. And Well, we had a reason that we were gone, that we didn't interact with the kids. I Talk a little bit about how that impacted you as a dad to know that you were gone and what that was doing to not only the marriage but as the family has a hold.
Speaker 5:
Well, you know, I'm, I'm really having to have that much stuff because what we try to do again and go back to that word, to education, even when we depart, we were right letters all day. Right letter, not text, not email. Yeah, absolutely no, we didn't. We didn't have opportunity. We didn't have FaceTime at that time no, we didn't. But we had opportunity to talk to the children. We try to talk for as much as possible, so I think that communication helped keep the connection together for us as a family.
Speaker 4:
Yeah, because you was very good at communicating.
Speaker 5:
Yeah, he made sure he called daily if he needed to, and then, as the kids, when we were there with the kids always tried to do something. We never tried to put our children off in someone else, only there. So we, if it was going out somewhere, we took the kids with us. Yeah, I think it was nine and a half children was about 10 to 12, but we actually went somewhere without them.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, when they've deployed. All the foreign leaders have already been established.
Speaker 5:
We've already shaped and helped them to kind of have their own hands in the ground, and because our motto was we won't go anywhere. We can't take our children. That's nice.
Speaker 4:
You should always include your children. Yeah, right.
Speaker 5:
So we were trying to be very attentive about what we put into our children and who we as well as our children too.
Speaker 3:
Very much so. Now let me ask you this so, if you think about 10 or 12 years of being parents, we have to wear multiple roles. You got to be dad, you got to be mom, you got to be husband and wife. You got to be breadwinner, homemaker, teacher, guidance counselor Maybe, and then so that's a long yeah.
Speaker 3:
So you've got a lot of different roles. Yeah, how important, would you say and you can share with us, is it to invest in your relationship as husband and wife? You know, like you said, after 10 years you know the second we decided we got to go somewhere by ourselves and I'll take it. Can you talk a little bit about that as far as importance of investing in your relationship as husband and wife over the long haul, not just to quit, but even just longer?
Speaker 5:
I think that's very important because even though we in our relationship, we have to always set all those years before we actually went somewhere by ourselves. Now, just to come to said we went somewhere by ourselves, just like a overnight trip, right, but there were times where we still needed to get a wave, right that we may have little big nights here and there. Now, and it wasn't a whole lot, right, because we didn't have a whole lot of money there.
Speaker 2:
It's not the end. I mean did not have a lot of money, so you don't have to be creative. Yeah.
Speaker 5:
You know. So we had to create right, be creative about what we do and Charlie was great about that Should have signed little things that we can do together and we do all those small things he left with just walking on the beach for just a couple of hours. Sure, you know, and those were things that we were doing to help us keep connecting, you know.
Speaker 3:
Why was that important to you?
Speaker 4:
I think, because one I know until the kids I think they were five before I went to work they went to preschool and kindergarten. So I had a little time with Everett because I was with the kids most of the time. And then, initially after that, I got a part-time job where whenever I came home then I would go in to Target and go to work. So it was just I wanted us to spend time together, intentionally. I wanted to be with him, I wanted us to have that one-on-one. And one of the things we did too, whenever we did do date night and stuff, that wasn't a time when we talked about the kids.
Speaker 4:
That's not a time you just sit and talk about the kids or the rent or the mortgage, or yeah, it was a couple of times. I mean, because Everett likes to talk money. You know that's the time and I had to bring to a station and I said, hey, we're not going to talk about that, we're going to talk about money. Yeah, we're going to talk about money right now. Yeah, so that's. I just wanted us to stay connected, yeah, and so, because that is a time when you run in and you got kids all day and then you, he's coming home and you're leaving and I mean you can really get lost in a relationship. You can really get lost, so I don't need us to stay connected, and so that's why I intentionally did things. Whatever I can find, if I bought some alive for free, the banks would always have free.
Speaker 3:
You should, you should I could manage other.
Speaker 5:
I can share one other thing that we've seen. This is this. This is that we love to take trips and stuff. We're traveling, okay, just to travel Family vacations. Now we have found a whole lot. We drove Road trips, road trip and road trips. Folks. What we did was this we tried to start the trips out early in the morning, so we triggered the sleep, and in no time, when they sleep now, the next time that we can spend together, we would. So it then caused us a dime.
Speaker 4:
Yeah. But we talked about everything and the whole way there, yeah, all the way back, and we would be driving like from Panama City to St Louis 20, 13 out, yeah, from Florida to. Seattle. And we can't stop spending all day out oh you ain't got to make money.
Speaker 3:
You ain't got to make money. You know that's so important because I think some of the best conversations we've ever had on road is on road trips. And the reason why is you're confined and at the time you don't have at the time you were, we stopped and we didn't have cell phones.
Speaker 3:
I hear you say you didn't have cell phones. You were playing iSpy and named that tune on the radio and you came up with all these creative things to think about your relationship and I think that was some of the best times. Like you said, you know the investing in your relationship Stuff that you don't even realize that you're actually doing at the time, and the big thing about it is you can't get away.
Speaker 5:
It's not like you're going to jump out the car and go to the floor and go, I was right. So if you're having a white-colored season, then I guess what? Yeah, you got to take it, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
So that's what we did. I think what's so beautiful is that so many times we see the similarities and negative things, but we don't ever become dear trackers or dear hunters of things that are positive. And I see a common thing that just makes me smile with us as you guys are talking about and going back down memory lane. It's sparking that you know the memories and so many couples don't realize that you don't have to have money to be intentional about connecting Absolutely, and I think why this is so important is because we need to see and understand what are the habits of highly successful couples.
Speaker 2:
And that's what this is really about. We're calling you guys our rich friends, not because you're wealthy financially, and even though most of us are. It's because rich stands for, the R stands for resilient. The I stands for integrity and the C stands for a brilliant integrity, oh, compassion. And then the H stands for humble, because if you could have all of those things at the same time, that's what rich really is.
Speaker 5:
Thanks a lot, that's good.
Speaker 2:
No problem. And I think when you manifest and pursue those three things, then wealth those four things, that one for a common man. And I just love how you said we were intentional. You have to be intentional Absolutely when we had, because nothing that has lasted for 35 years. Oh, we just woke up like this and it's no, it's the little things you guys have done and the little choices you guys have made. So I have a question what has been in the 35-year marriage the highest high that they think has been? Like that moment it's like, oh, I'm just so grateful for that moment.
Speaker 5:
I don't feel that's a good one.
Speaker 2:
So let me think you can vote, pick one.
Speaker 5:
You know it is been quite a few over the years. I think for me probably was the moment I say yes. You know, at that time, All the way back to the beginning, yeah, it's a bit of a hoax we thought of it like I'm chilling.
Speaker 5:
It's a bit of sweet, because one you're saying, wow, this is actually happening. But you're saying tell me like, wow, this is actually happening. I give myself a print to it. But I think that was what set the preference for the rest of our lives. And then, after we realized that, man, this is wonderful. And then, as we move on, we renewed our vows, whether it was the 20th year or something like that, 15. 15 of those years and I'd forget it so long.
Speaker 5:
And then we're just so special. That's where it's the first time. So that probably was the end. And then the last thing was we were our children of life. And then my final thing would probably be the first thing we first when we both gave our lives to the Lord. That was really what we solidify our whole relationship. It took our relationship to a different level.
Speaker 3:
So we're sending a beautiful home. We all just kind of relocated to San Antonio, so it wasn't like the beautiful house. No, it's not the amazing career, it's not successful All the vacation spots and all of that stuff.
Speaker 4:
Because I was thinking the same thing when Everett, when I gave my life to Christ, Everett was deployed, so he was all I wanted to share. But when ever it came to the Lord, I was there and that was amazing for me and I knew a struggle he was having and I just was just. My heart was just so big, it was just I couldn't, yeah.
Speaker 3:
So that is so important that you think about. Think about your own life, your own relationships, regardless of where you're at, from the financial aspect, from the vocational aspect, even from something that you may be pursuing. That's outside of what we're talking about today. Take these lessons that they're sharing with us and think about. It's not the stuff that is going to be the things that you remember most when you get to the higher levels of being in that relationship together. It's going to be the thing that started it all off, which was walking down that aisle.
Speaker 3:
So one thing I want to ask now we're in a latter stage, it's always saying we're like in the second half, nobody like it. We're not the young pups anymore. What are you guys looking forward to in the second part of life? Now, if you can share something, a couple of things, with us from each one of these perspectives, as far as because he with empty nesters, the diagnosis real quiet in here, we don't have any little ones running around but what are you guys looking forward to in the same way Before Carlotta.
Speaker 3:
Just being with them.
Speaker 4:
I mean some people say, oh, I want to grow old together. But I literally want to grow old together, yeah, and we're going to be in a nice home together. Yeah, as long as we together, I'm good. I think that's mine. I mean, I don't have any other, not no bucket list, I just want to be with him.
Speaker 1:
Boy, you're a free person.
Speaker 3:
I wish I would brother.
Speaker 2:
You are.
Speaker 5:
You know, I think mine is somewhat similar. However, it's one of the spiritual side of topics. You know, as we went down this journey, growing together and walking in the Lord together, it seemed like there's yes, there's some stuff that's undone and the stuff that I'm done and my own pig. It's not that you're going to reach the masses for the Lord, but it's how do we connect better with one another and connect with God. And so one of the things that we just recently implemented again, even though we used to do it but we forgot about it it's ready to come together and pray on a daily basis, and so now we are in a process of trying to do that and try to, I guess, braid us to another level, if you will, in Christ, and I think that's the most intimate moment that you can have. We can have that relation.
Speaker 5:
You know, if I can use the script where it says that it's pretty caught straight, it's not easy to break it. And so for me, and I would say for Carol and I, when we got married we thought our marriage was great, but once we came into the Lord and started to understand of how God fit in the midst of our marriage, and we started to realize that it's Christ in the middle. I believe you want to state to me. It is this it is you love God, folks, and I used to love God first, and if we both love in God, then how would that? Where would the conflict?
Speaker 1:
come in.
Speaker 5:
But what happens, I think, many times is that we put our eyes on one another and take our eyes off the Lord.
Speaker 4:
Yeah, because I think what you were saying is when I did the triangle and I said I said this is God, this is you and this is me I say my goal is to please God. Yeah, so if you're pleasing God, I have to please you. Yeah, so as long as you're faithful to Him, then I have to please you. Now, one of the other things I wanted to clear when I was in I just want to be with Him and I just want to go all the way is because of what we just went through. That was the empty series for me, and so I want us to be together until the end.
Speaker 3:
Thank you, guys for hanging out with us. This has been like an amazing conversation, but before we sign off, I want everything and Carol and I said to give us one of the fast words of wisdom that they can share for after, if you can't spend like 35 years. It doesn't have to be one word or anything, but if you were talking to a newlywed or somebody just thinking about beauty, marriage or going down this road, what piece of advice would you share with them? That will, something that they can take and hold on to.
Speaker 2:
And we don't call this part words of wisdom for the road You're like this is something like a female.
Speaker 4:
I would say serious, serious communication, not the puppy communication, not the puppy love communication, not telling them what they want in here, but telling them what they have to hear. And the thing is, I always tell my friends if you're bringing it to me, make sure you took it to him first. Say that again, because don't bring me anything you haven't already talked to your significant other, your spouse, your, whoever, your partner. If you hadn't talked to them about it, don't take it to no one else.
Speaker 5:
That's almost great. I wish I had something deep like that.
Speaker 3:
I would say well, sometimes deep is great. I actually don't have anything deep.
Speaker 1:
That's wonderful.
Speaker 5:
So I see why I'm married to her. To keep you straight, absolutely the only thing I could say, guys, man, is this I know us guys, we have a big thing when it comes to respect. I get it, but I think that's a bunch of crap.
Speaker 3:
You got to elaborate on that one.
Speaker 2:
Brick it down for us, ever Brick it down for us.
Speaker 5:
You know this whole thing about respect when it comes to guys. It really comes to us. This is that we don't know who we are. When you know who you are and your identity, then you will understand that it ain't about respect at all, because you know what I'm saying. So you have to get respect and get respect. If you don't honor and there you are the woman that you, with you, have to work and have some respect for you, you would be so. The thing here is this is when someone failed at the day, wrongly, you of that's what the theater just walking over you and Disrespecting you is that you are looking at self and not looking at Christ. So then, in other words, but what I'm telling is this we got to learn how to be, to put our identity in Christ. When put our identity in Christ will learn how to love my spouses at Christ, love the church, and in knowing that, I believe, you will have a better marriage.
Speaker 3:
No, I'm bad. That's it Make. That sounded pretty deep to me.
Speaker 2:
No, that's all pretty wrong.
Speaker 3:
We just want to thank you guys. Y'all know about hitting buttons and liking and subscribing and all that. This stuff. We thank you guys for.
Speaker 2:
You see a comment and share this podcast Because, in order to reach people who are in need, you can take something as simple as sharing this episode and we're so grateful for you listening to the rich listeners of refuge Podcasts of the villain a.
Speaker 3:
Please remember to download, share and leave comment so that we can continue to help Singles and couples in need so you like that, what you just heard, some of this great wisdom that we share with you guys, and leave it in the comments. Y'all know we will respond to those comments, where they does an amazing job with those things.
Speaker 5:
Okay, we want to give our opportunity just to thank these two because they just been amazing. They do we. We try to follow you on from.
Speaker 1:
Raving back.
Speaker 5:
As for us, you know the rich relationship type things that I think out of those amazing thing man and you're we just some amazing black man? Yeah, pretty sure, and so never I take. We appreciate our, appreciate each other so much, you just never know, we really got to make you a man.
Speaker 1:
Thank you.
Speaker 3:
That's my how about. So now, thank y'all, but let's, I like you guys, let's come back together.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, we gotta clean up the house.
Speaker 3:
We love you guys.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening. Thank you for your investment in time. Remember to subscribe to the show and hit the notification icon to be notified when new episodes are posted on the podcast platform that you're listening from or you can always find us on our website at rich relationships us Dot com or our YouTube channel, rich relationships with your day.
Speaker 2:
If you found this podcast helpful or you think it could help someone that you know and care about, please pass it along and share it with them you.