4 Secrets of RICH Husband's & Wife's

🎙️✨ Exciting News! 🌟 Join us on the Rich Relationships podcast and YouTube show hosted by authors and marriage coaches Gil & Renee as we explore what it means to be a RICH husband and wife. 💑💖 Discover the four most valuable qualities – that are essential for building strong fulfilling and God honoring marriages. From practical tips to inspiring stories, we'll help you enrich your relationship and deepen your connection with your partner. Tune in now for insightful discussions and actionable advice! #RichRelationships #MarriageGoals #Podcast #YouTube #RelationshipAdvice 💕📺 

YouTube Show Description: 

Welcome to the Rich Relationships Refuge YouTube channel, where authors and marriage coaches Gil & Renee bring you insightful discussions and practical advice to help you create thriving marriages. Join us on our show, "Are You a RICH Husband & Wife?" as we explore the four most valuable qualities essential for building strong and God honoring fulfilling marriages. 

From bouncing back from challenges to practicing kindness and understanding, we'll share actionable strategies and inspiring stories to empower you on your journey towards a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your spouse.

Whether you're looking for tips to strengthen your communication, navigate conflict, or reignite the passion in your marriage, our show is your guide to building the love and partnership you've always dreamed of.

Subscribe to the Rich Relationships Refuge YouTube channel and join us as we explore what it takes to become RICH husbands and wives together!

Here is a new link that will take you directly to our channel. https://urlgeni.us/youtube/channel/6DvZIRichrelationshipsrefuge

Have you ever uncovered the true treasures hidden within the heart of your marriage? Gil and Renee invite you to a profound exploration of love beyond the material, revealing the riches that resilience, integrity, and spiritual depth can bring to your relationship. In our latest podcast episode, we share intimate stories and wisdom that shine a light on the power of selflessness, the cornerstone of an enduring marital bond. We believe that being 'rich' in your partnership encompasses much more than the contents of your bank account—it's about the wealth of character, the currency of compassion, and the investment in unwavering trust.

In a world where the vows of marriage are often tested, our conversation navigates the intricacies of maintaining your integrity and the art of bouncing back from the challenges life throws at you. We dissect the essential traits that fortify a relationship: flexibility, forgiveness, and seeing the best in each other. Join u

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil.

Speaker 2: 0:07

And Renee, where amazing things happen. Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore healthy relationships. Hey y'all, hey, it's Renee.

Speaker 1: 0:19

And Gil from the Rich Relationship Refuse.

Speaker 2: 0:22

And we are excited to be with you guys. Today is Saturday. We missed you guys. Last week we were in Waco. I hope you guys saw the video. If you didn't see it, please go and check it out. We didn't kiss. Kiss me, kiss me.

Speaker 1: 0:36

You know, it's always important. We did the Waco trip because it was something that Renee really really wanted to do, and Caroline and Caroline, and sometimes that kind of leads into what we are going to be talking about tonight, because sometimes you're going to have to do some stuff that you really may not want to do If it's not your thing, but that's okay, that's what I'm part of what we're doing Exactly Because you're going to be, because you're going to actually be doing a lot of things that sometimes you may not say it's the fun thing that you want to do, but it doesn't matter, because it's a relationship that you're in with your significant other, so you're going to be required to do things that may not always be what you want to do.

Speaker 2: 1:22

And so tonight's episode is are you a rich husband? Now, how many? And a rich wife.

Speaker 1: 1:27

And if you, if you look and you seen the thumbnail that Renee created, did that make you go thinking there's going to be something about financial and how to get rich?

Speaker 2: 1:36

Hey, thanks for joining us, please put it in the chat.

Speaker 1: 1:38

Hey, how are you doing?

Speaker 2: 1:39

Thanks, for joining. Hey, we missed Robin.

Speaker 1: 1:43

If it's, I'm sorry to disappoint, but it's not about money.

Speaker 2: 1:46

But it's better than money. Yeah, absolutely, and if you stay to the end, you'll know what all of them are, won't you?

Speaker 1: 1:52

talk a little bit about you know anybody who's watched us for any amount of time or other videos we love. We love abbreviations for stuff you know if you watched.

Speaker 1: 2:02

And now, if you're not just watching or listening on our podcast you know, it's actually funny because when I came in, you ever had your significant other actually wake you up and want to have a conversation while you sleep. Sometimes it's like, wait what? Try to have a conversation when you've been woken up out of a deep sleep. And it gets deep and I'm like what are you talking about, babe? Yeah, and she kept saying rich, rich, rich. And she's like I got it, it's rich. And I'm like okay, I say what? Did a check come? Or something like that. No, but I'll let her share with you why she came up with rich.

Speaker 2: 2:44

As our acronym, you know, we're rich relationship refuge, and I've had people that asked us before what is the rich thing?

Speaker 1: 2:49

Where did it come from?

Speaker 2: 2:51

And where did it come from? And the acronym that the Lord gave me was it's always been about spiritual wealth, not necessarily just financial wealth, but also relational wealth, because most of us want to be quote unquote rich, but we don't think about the cost that comes along with that. And so, when we had our, we interviewed our friends. It's our rich friends, and it's not just about money, it's about we're going to talk about them one at a time, and I'm going to talk about the first one, and because I think the first one probably is probably one of my superpowers is and I always say, she who is flexible is not easily broken, and I can say that as a result of the way I grew up, as far as growing up at home, where my parents were addicts and they were kind of self absorbed, I had to learn how to be rich with the first R is, which is the first letter, which is resilient, and I think that resiliency is so overlooked, especially in this generation.

Speaker 1: 3:59

And this is really talking about in the context of your relationship. Yes, go ahead.

Speaker 2: 4:03

Yes, these are the things you want to look for to be rich in a relationship, for it to be rich and for you to be rich, because there's nothing like having a lot of money but having no peace and having no purpose and having no intimacy all the things that really make a relationship rich, because a lot of people are married and they don't even have money. But there's things that God has taught us and shown us, and even after interviewing in Carolina and Everett, it's just amazing how many similarities that couples who have had long success have in common.

Speaker 1: 4:34

I think that's a part of the resilient thing of being, when you're partnered in with other people, even outside of your marriage, but that you are part of women, friendships and things like that yes circle, yeah in your circle, in your community, that it's important that that resilience comes, because there are going to be times when it could be a financial challenge, it could be a health challenge, it could be even a conflict that somebody it could be being a military wife.

Speaker 2: 4:59

That's one of the things that one of our friends was talking about. You guys need to speak more about that because it is, and to all of our military wives out there, our hat goes off to you, we commend you, we applaud you, we congratulate you. You definitely have the first R, which is resilience, because you're kind of forced to, and so we're talking about the ability to fall down and get up, to have a disagreement and to forgive each other, the ability to see the best in the other person.

Speaker 1: 5:24

Right and like I was talking a little bit about, because when those things happen in your life as it pertains to your relationship, you have a financial issue, a conflict or some health issues that may come across in your relationship, that's where the real challenges are going to come. That's when you're going to really know who's in it for the long call, as they may say, because you have to think about it. You get to partner in with someone who's going to be in it with you through thick and thin.

Speaker 2: 5:52

Good advice, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health. Those vows are really for real and I think sometimes we say the vows but we don't realize that our actions have to run up with that.

Speaker 1: 6:04

Because we think about when you walk down an aisle. If you didn't go down an aisle, we did like Justice and Peace. So when you do say you're vows and everybody's hearing those things, you're making a mandate or you're making an edict about how a public declaration, a public statement of how resilient you're going to be with each other. So when you say those vows, you're going to be expected to keep them. So if you're watching this and you've already been together for a while, you kind of know what we're talking about. But if you're in that stage where you're being challenged right now in this season, this is something that maybe it's timely because you're practicing about being rich. You're becoming richer by investing in being resilient.

Speaker 2: 6:48

That's really beautiful, yeah, and if you're engaged and you don't know, trust me yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:54

Please take these things into consideration, because we want to create an environment where people really are making a well-informed decision. Yeah, because what I love about God is he gives you the information upfront. He doesn't let you not know what you're getting into, right, he shows you. And so that's why we're here. One of the reasons why we go live every week is because we want to create a place, a safe place, a refuge for people who are married or on the pursuit of marriage, to really begin to kind of learn. Well, what does this look like? What do I need to be different? Right, what? You smelling?

Speaker 1: 7:24

that Somebody's saying that hey, no, I was looking at Ray Alley right here. Hey, how you doing. Thanks for joining us.

Speaker 2: 7:29

Thanks for hanging out with us. Thanks for joining us. We're so glad you're here. Cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers.

Speaker 1: 7:33

So the number two one we're going to talk about is integrity. A lot of people that's the R in rich our eye. So the eye is talking about integrity, because everybody has the statements, these definition about when nobody's watching and nobody was looking, and all those things. But when it's just, I would say that when doing what's right, when nobody's around, are you that person that is reliable and trustworthy and respect and all those things that come into it.

Speaker 1: 8:03

And I think about it in the context of our relationship. I think about it from the integrity of trust and respect. That's so important to me when it comes to our relationship as long as we've been together, because if you don't have that, that trust and respect, or it's not being built upon from the day one when we first started dating all the way up to our present day, it's constantly being renewed, it's constantly being refreshed. It can be challenging if you're in that, if you haven't built trust and if you haven't built respect for each other and it's not just. You hear guys talk about it a lot from the respect thing but it's a two-way street. It's something that is very, very important to both sides of the relationship.

Speaker 2: 8:43

And the thing that I love about integrity, because we always think about it sexually men being sexually pure, but integrity is also women not buying stuff and keeping it in your car.

Speaker 1: 8:55

That never happens, right? Nobody does that. Nobody does that.

Speaker 2: 9:00

So there's so much more to integrity than just sexual, the sexual part of it About keeping your commitment there. I love you know you has. A thing is called bounce. You know I make sure I don't give men eye contact. So there's things you have to do to position yourself to be the kind of person that in every setting people tells the same story about you. That is another definition.

Speaker 1: 9:21

It can be challenging, and what Renee was talking about when it comes to bounce. I said this the other day we were just I don't know about.

Speaker 2: 9:30

Don't go, ask no questions to get us in trouble.

Speaker 1: 9:32

Well, how can I put this? Guys? I'm only talking to guys. So, ladies, y'all can just ignore what I'm talking about right now. But for the guys, everybody's wearing tight clothes, everybody's wearing tight and everybody's showing off everything.

Speaker 1: 9:46

You know, while when that happened so even when we were younger, that's even when we were younger that was challenging, especially even if you're in a great relationship. You know that can be challenging in the sense of she's showing you everything, and so that was challenging my integrity. To stay faithful, not faithful because I was going to cheat on Renee, but just because I think when you, the Bible, talks about looking at a woman with lust in your eyes, that's just the same to me, in my eyes. So what I talk about is and I heard a teaching about it as bounce what that means is, if you see something that is just keeping your attention just a little too long, you know what? Bounce your eyes away. Yeah, look up, look around, look away from whatever has your attention. That's going to help you maintain your integrity, because you have to be true to the commitments that you make, not especially to your significant other or your spouse and to the Lord.

Speaker 1: 10:43

Absolutely, because, then, that's the first and foremost one that is so important. So why don't you talk a little bit about it?

Speaker 2: 10:49

And so for me, and so what I do is one of the things I realize I have a very friendly personality and I had it taken the wrong way by a male man and he was like, oh, that's because you just want me. I was like, um, want you? No, I don't want you, I'm just friendly. And then I realized that my friendliness can be taken as flirtatious. So now when I'm out, I don't give guys eye contact. If I don't know you, I won't even. I mean even just speaking. It's like you have to really be careful, and so I think a part of it is now, at my age, my posture is don't come up here, so I don't get that anymore. But when I was younger I was sending the wrong signal.

Speaker 1: 11:33

So even our integrity in the way we maintain our posture as wives and as wives to be, has to be something you have to stop practicing, and there's nothing wrong with being friendly and engaging and all those things, but I think you have to be giving off a signal that make people think that you're interested in such a way that is going beyond you being polite, you being engaging, you being personal.

Speaker 2: 11:56

But if it can be, the Bible says it. Stay away from the appearance of it, it could be misinterpreted as inappropriate and you have to be mindful of that.

Speaker 1: 12:04

You know, it reminds me of one thing that we've learned, and we established some boundaries in our relationship very early, especially as it pertains to being and sometimes you're gonna find yourself in a situation where it may be the opposite sex that you would say. You give somebody a ride, as an example, in order to help you maintain that integrity. You know, if it's inevitable or if you just can't avoid it. There are gonna be situations like that, Like I had a coworker once who had a flat tire and she need to go drop her car off and I was the only one available at the time, you know, for her to drop her car off and pick her up and bring her back to work.

Speaker 1: 12:39

So I could have said, oh nope, mm-mm, I don't, we're not gonna be alone, that kind of thing. But you know, what I did was I called Renee and said, hey, this is what's going on, and Renee knows the person. So I told her what was going on. This is the situation, but we have already set up that boundary that we said We've already set up.

Speaker 2: 12:57

I already know your character.

Speaker 1: 12:58

Yeah, even before it came about that we don't ride in cars alone with the opposite sex.

Speaker 2: 13:04

And I know, to the new generation that sounds like oh, that's just doing the most.

Speaker 2: 13:08

And it's just extra. But we have been together since we were 18 years old and I have never wondered about what he's doing, and so a part of it if you give me a reason to not trust you, then you have to accept responsibility. So some of these things we're talking about they may seem old and primitive, but we have been married, happily married, for 35 years, so I think we know just a little bit At least what works for us and that's why the reasons why we do these Friday or Saturday night lives just coming along, live.

Speaker 1: 13:40

We got the teachings and the videos and stuff like that that are out there. But this is the time just to get with the community and people who have seen and watched and all that kind of stuff, just to engage, to talk about some things and to make investments, cause sometimes you need some things to do on these Saturday nights if you're not out running the streets. Nobody does that. Hey, ms Iris.

Speaker 2: 14:00

Hey, thanks for joining us. So if you guys have questions, just put them in the chat.

Speaker 1: 14:04

If you got a comment, put it in the chat, cause we can see it. Renee ain't got her glasses on, but I can see it.

Speaker 2: 14:09

I can see that there's words on it. I can't read what they are.

Speaker 1: 14:12

She can't read the words, but she knows that they're actually there. So talk about compassion. Compassion is to see when we talk about being rich, are you a rich? Husband and rich wife.

Speaker 2: 14:24

So resilient integrity, compassion. Well, Gil is a much more compassionate person than I am, and I love and appreciate him.

Speaker 1: 14:34

It can be built on.

Speaker 2: 14:35

y'all go back on here and I have learned, and I am learning to be more compassionate, and we had a situation recently where actually it was the other night. We were preparing for Merge and the message was about-.

Speaker 1: 14:50

Biblical roles.

Speaker 2: 14:51

Biblical roles in marriage. Merge and to me, whenever you decide you're going to do something for God, he is going to go all in your panty drawer, your sock drawer, underneath your couch, underneath your refrigerator. And I had something I had been struggling with and Gil was like baby.

Speaker 1: 15:09

Yes, she woke me up again.

Speaker 2: 15:10

Yes, I did. She's a night owl.

Speaker 1: 15:12

Renee's a night owl. I am not a night owl. No, Gil, go to bed at 10 o'clock but I probably asleep for four, three, four hours and I'll be up but still. But go ahead, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2: 15:22

And so I was talking to Gil about a situation that I am in and he said you have to take into consideration where that person has come from and not where they are. And as soon as he sees, and you need to ask yourself what you're really upset about, because it's really not about what you're focusing on. And so a lot of times, when we find ourselves all ruffled up with stuff going on, compassion is like it's like a, it is like peroxide, it just goes in and cleans stuff up.

Speaker 2: 15:59

It cleans stuff up and it shows you you. And so I think that compassion is so important in, especially in a marriage relationship, because we're gonna fail each other, we're gonna disappoint each other, we're gonna have good and bad days, and Gil has been watching me in this situation for months and it didn't make him hate me or not like me or not respect me. It just made him recognize that, baby, you got to work on your compassion, you got to build that compassion muscle and some of these things we're gonna be working on for the rest of our life as long as we're believers. Some of them are gonna be growth areas and some of them are gonna be strength, but it's just understanding that compassion is a very important element, a very important facet of having healthy, rich relationships, and we are talking about it this morning.

Speaker 1: 16:44

You know as far as we because we have this kind of conversation about what we gonna wanna talk about a little bit. It's free flowing. But one thing that came out that we were talking about this morning was when you have someone that let's just say you're in conflict with somebody, that you got a beef with, or however you wanna describe it, sometimes you can be focusing on that person when it's really the thing that's in you that is manifesting the conflict out of you. That person, or to put it another way, does that person or that thing push your buttons? If that button is being pushed, that makes you wanna go, you still got the button. Well, it's not the person, it's the thing that's already on the inside of you that is making it manifest towards that person.

Speaker 1: 17:27

Right, if that makes sense. Because if you're directing all that energy towards something of that person, let me ask you this if it comes up with another person that same thing, let's just say anger. I'll just pick something really easy, because we all get upset and angry about things. If you find yourself getting angry about simple things, that really doesn't warrant being angry that, oh, I'd like.

Speaker 1: 17:50

Yeah, people say that, just set me off.

Speaker 1: 17:52

Whatever the case may be, if you find that pattern happening against other people, then you're not exercising that compassion that we're talking about, but we're also talking about it's railing up and rising up something on the inside of you that maybe you need to take a little bit closer look at, because when you think about compassion, the biggest instance or, for me, the simplest way of how does that manifest or look like in real life is empathy, really just exercising empathy towards someone, especially your significant other, because I think this is one of the things that people underestimate so many times in their relationship, especially when it gets tough and challenging, because sometimes you can be scared, nervous, afraid, vulnerable.

Speaker 1: 18:38

All these other emotions get manifest and you can find yourself striking out or looking outwardly at this person that is partnered in with you. If you're already married, you're significant. This is the person that God has put in this relationship that you chose. Yeah, you know it's easy to be in a relationship where everything is going good, but when everything is going challenging or when things get challenging, what are you like? Are you that person that is exercising the compassion when your significant other boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, husband needs it or wife needs it, or family member.

Speaker 1: 19:13

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 19:14

So we have resilient integrity, compassion and the last one which is like Sometimes this go ahead, you can start If you could only have one of these, and the thing is, at some stage of our life we're gonna have one of these, or two of these, or three, these or four, but the goal is to work on cultivating all of them at the same time, and that is the human challenge.

Speaker 1: 19:40

You know, I think about when we first got married, when people said anybody ever told you just work on your marriage, just work on it. That can come out and mean so many different things. This is the kind of things that we're talking about. This is actually working on your marriage and your relationship. These are some tangible, applicable things that you can actually be doing. If you find that, hey, my resilience is a little low or my integrity is being challenged, or even my compassion is a little low right now, then guess what? These are the things that you can be working on, because it's going to build a better relationship for the person you are in relationship with. While your marriage is your first relationship, this will work, guess what? And all the other ones.

Speaker 2: 20:28

And it allows you to honor God with your life. So many times we think that it's speaking in tongues and paying tithes and going to every single service, but really it's manifesting the fruits of the spirit, not so much just the gifts, because the gifts come without repentance, but the fruits of the spirit being developed and cultivating your life. Is you being intentional and saying you know what, lord, I'm going to let you be glorified in my life. I am going to do something different.

Speaker 1: 20:54

And I think sometimes and I see your and I think that, boziki, I think that's your and I see your comment because, and sometimes, when you end those relationships that are challenging, that's the easy way to do it, that's the easy way to say you know what? I'm out, I'm done.

Speaker 2: 21:08

But you know what? There will be another person, just like the person you left that you are. We're going to have to learn how to navigate relationships with difficult people and if you have made a vow and you made a commitment I don't know if you guys listened to our episode last week with Carolina every one of the things that we all did, we didn't do it like we didn't talk to each other about it. We all did separately. Four different people made the decision. We're going to take divorce off the table and I challenge you all, as a part of this community, to take the. Now. I'm not talking about if you being sexually abused.

Speaker 1: 21:44

I'm not talking about that, abuses.

Speaker 2: 21:45

You never wanted we're talking about kids being abused. No, that's, that is ground. That is. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about, under normal circumstances, normal things. Is what he make me mad? Or he get on my nerve, or she get on my nerve. Take divorce off the table, because when you take divorce off the table, then you're going to have to do whatever is necessary to make it work and that kind of leads us into the age humility.

Speaker 1: 22:07

Humility, humility is one of those things that most people will really, really lack. Everybody's got the ego and everybody knows the right thing we full of pride.

Speaker 2: 22:18

full of pride, we pride it.

Speaker 1: 22:20

And it happens. All of us have a level of pride. You should have a level of pride about who you are and what you're doing and trying to accomplish and those types of things. But when-.

Speaker 2: 22:29

I like gratitude better than pride. Sure, sure. I think that gratitude is a natural way to alleviate pride in your life. And when you recognize that it's Christ, in you the hope of glory Sure. And so, to me, humility. I just think humility is so powerful because it's like Christ. He said he laid down his life. What do we lay down?

Speaker 1: 22:52

Especially when it comes to your significant other year spouse, that humility has to be exercised on the regular, because if you don't, you got two people who are prideful. How many times is that or?

Speaker 2: 23:06

does that?

Speaker 1: 23:06

end well.

Speaker 2: 23:07

It's like gasoline and fire. It's gonna always be a fight.

Speaker 1: 23:10

You know, when the tough and the challenging times actually come up, who's gonna do what's right.

Speaker 2: 23:16

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:18

It's right and wrong. But then you have to think about is it? Do you want to be right or do you want to get it right?

Speaker 2: 23:25

And in a marriage, you never win. When you win an argument, the goal should always be to lose the argument, because that requires what Humility, and so humility, if we so to be rich, we need to be resilient.

Speaker 1: 23:40

Is there yet Operating?

Speaker 2: 23:41

integrity, operating integrity. We need to have compassion and we need to operate and we need to develop the ability to be humble. That does not mean you don't have a voice. That does not mean you don't have an opinion. That does not mean you get walked over. That's not what humility is. We're talking about God honoring humility, where you say Lord, use me, use my life, use my gifts, use my talents to bring you glory and honor.

Speaker 1: 24:03

Yep, absolutely. And one thing it's something that happened. I think it was yesterday I got a text message from you. Know, if you got people in your life that are reaching out to you, respond to them.

Speaker 1: 24:15

You know everybody's going through something at some given time and we're all busy and we got things going on and he posed a question that was challenging and it made me think. You know he was basically saying he wanted to talk about what does it like to be a godly man and to be a good husband? Now guys ask yourself that question and how would you answer it? You know, before I answer it and tell you what I was thinking about, why don't you put in the chat resilient, integrity, compassion, humility? Where are you at? What are you kind of focused on? I won't say, because we always talk about strengths.

Speaker 2: 24:53

Growth areas and strengths.

Speaker 1: 24:55

Growth areas. And strengths and strengths.

Speaker 2: 24:59

So what is your growth area and what is your strength?

Speaker 1: 25:01

What are you good at right now Operating and thumbs up on it and what is the area. And if you really don't know or you're not sure, ask somebody who's in relationship with you, ask your spouse. You know right now If you hanging out and watching it with us right now or as we talking about it.

Speaker 2: 25:15

Don't do that cause. That might cause an argument. No, no, I'm not.

Speaker 1: 25:20

That's humility.

Speaker 2: 25:21

You gotta be willing to hear it. Put on your humble hat.

Speaker 1: 25:24

You gotta be willing to hear it, cause this person is the person that is the closest to you. I think they probably know it pretty accurately. What is the area that we should be talking about?

Speaker 2: 25:33

Yeah, and you know, when Gil, that night, the other night, we were talking and Gil was like babe, you know, my response was thank you, thank you, thank you, because you know what he cause. Gil used to be the kind of person to keep the peace. He really could have just not said anything, but Gil always tells me when my junk is raggedy, always.

Speaker 1: 25:55

A little nicer than that he does it.

Speaker 2: 25:56

He's a lot kinder, a lot more gentler than I am, but he always tells me, and so we need to make sure that we have people in our life that can be honest with us and say, hey, that's not working Right, hey, that's not gonna work. So now we're gonna open it up to you guys. If you guys have questions, things you want to know, or you wanna finish it, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:16

I was gonna say this because, in the way I answered and we haven't had a chance to reconnect yet we've been missing each other as far as the phone call, but we're gonna have the conversation. But the and I can give you the secret to being a godly husband, godly man, when it comes to your relationship. It's only two things that we really, really gotta do, and we just talked about this last week with our premarital couples. I love that. For guys, ours is loving and leading. Love your wife, as Christ loved us, and leading them just like Christ led us.

Speaker 2: 26:50

Those are the two things. That means you get to tell me what to do and I don't handle the things Absolutely. You take my shoes, not your shoes, but I do get to tell you Am I heart-stealing I?

Speaker 1: 26:56

do get to tell you what to do, though. No, I'm just joking.

Speaker 2: 26:58

No that's not what it means.

Speaker 1: 27:00

That's not what it means. No, I'm just loving and leading, because if I'm chasing after Christ and trying to find out what Jesus wants me to do in my relationship, guess what? It's gonna be easy for me to lead by example, the things that I want to manifest in my relationship and in my wife and in my family. Guess where it starts.

Speaker 2: 27:23

Yeah, I love you, you, the leader, which is the kind of leader my husband is. He is the first to give, he's the first to forgive, he's the first to do everything, but he's the last to receive, and so it's me first and me last, and that's the thing that I thought was really beautiful. That the Lord gave him was to show that.

Speaker 1: 27:45

But you know what? It's not about being a doormat. It's not about being thinking about it in the context that nothing ever happens to me and all those kinds of things. That is just my natural inclination, excuse me. When it comes back to your family and your wife, that's how it should be. Just like Jesus gave it all for us, we should be willing to do that for the people that he has placed in our lives.

Speaker 2: 28:08

You know especially and that we chose Right.

Speaker 1: 28:11

Why don't you tell them? As far as the wife. This is something that was challenging. That the two things for the wife.

Speaker 2: 28:16

And the two things. And the thing that I thought was beautiful about this is that we have equal value as husbands and wives. Yep, and the thing that the Lord showed me was God always says that, you know, the man is supposed to be like Christ and love the church. Like Christ, love the church. But the thing that the Lord showed me was that a woman is supposed to be like the Holy Spirit. We're supposed to help, we're supposed to be calm and gentle. The Holy Spirit is not pushy, he's not bossy And-.

Speaker 1: 28:43

He's not contentious.

Speaker 2: 28:45

He's not contentious. And so I said Lord, help me to be like the Holy Spirit in regards to my approach and my temperament and my tone and my volume For helping. And the other one is to submit.

Speaker 1: 28:59

Ooh, that's a challenge.

Speaker 2: 29:00

I know everybody think that's a cuss word Submission and from my perspective as a 56 year old woman is different than it was when I was 21.

Speaker 1: 29:09

How was it when you were 21?

Speaker 2: 29:11

I ain't submit to you. I'll submit to you when you do get it together.

Speaker 1: 29:15

And ladies, if you're watching ladies, why is submission such a dirty word?

Speaker 2: 29:19

Because we don't understand it.

Speaker 1: 29:20

Why do? Why do? Why is that word like set women off? Can you answer that to me? Please just help me out understand. I always, always said as long as I'm asking for understanding, I can ask any question.

Speaker 2: 29:32

So I'm asking y'all the question out there, so different audience on TikTok, though yeah well, I'll take it, because we want to know why is submission so hard?

Speaker 1: 29:44

Submission doesn't mean subservient.

Speaker 2: 29:47

No, it doesn't mean that you're not as valuable. It doesn't mean that you don't have your own voice. It doesn't mean you don't have your own. What submission means to me? And the thing the Lord showed me and I was probably in my 30s when he showed me this was because, like I said, I come from a female dominant house. I am the oldest child I have. I've been on my own since I was 18. So I knew how to take care of me.

Speaker 2: 30:08

So the idea of somebody else having control over me because I think we hear submission and we hear control, but really submission is responsibility. Just like a leader has a responsibility, submission is that I don't if something when Eve ate the apple. God did not go to Eve, god went to Adam because God gave the instruction. So to me, I see, submission is if this man is willing to take a bullet for me, he's willing to go the extra mile for me, he's willing to do everything for me, why would I not want to help him do that better? So submission to me is I'm yielding to his leadership because at the end of the day, if something goes wrong, god is not coming to me, he's coming to you. So for me, submission was liberating.

Speaker 1: 30:57

Right. It's funny because, as you were saying and I was thinking about the leading part A lot of times I've heard men say this a lot, just from all the years we've been working with couples we want the authority but we don't want the responsibility. You cannot have the authority over your family, your household, even your own life, if you're not responsible. You shouldn't even expect it. But we want that respect that comes along with it, but you're not willing to do what it takes to do and to earn it.

Speaker 2: 31:29

When we say we want our men to lead until they tell us no. So leading means sometimes you're going to be told no. Leading means it's not that, gil, he doesn't talk to me, he doesn't consult me. That's not what it means. It means that he consults me because both of us have to submit to God. As we're both submitting to God, submitting to each other automatically, oh, absolutely I like what you said, Robin.

Speaker 1: 31:55

Yeah, once you get that understanding and God's plan for your life, submission becomes easy and trusting and loving relationships. That's awesome. Yep hard work, hard word, that yep work, that word. I like that rate, Ms Valerie.

Speaker 2: 32:10

Thanks, Ms Valerie for your wisdom there about abuse.

Speaker 1: 32:14

It has been abused for so long because a word means only has really one definition. You know, english language has multiple. But when we talk about a submission in the context of our relationship, especially in the context of Christ, that's exactly what we, you know. You said it's been abused to the point to where we think that's our weapon. We don't ever want to use the word as a weapon to hurt, to lead to God, to understand. Yes.

Speaker 2: 32:41

I would even say if you're using it the way it was intended to be used, it's going to grow and it's going to flourish. But if you're using it to control and dominate, abuse is abnormal use, and so many times we don't realize. The Bible says you would know them by their fruit. We have seen so many unhealthy marriages businesses, churches, families and then they use the excuse well, that's what the word say. No, everything that God does, it produces fruit, and so we have to stop being so quick to follow after something that does not have any fruit as evidence.

Speaker 1: 33:16

Yep, absolutely so. We love doing these men. Time goes by so fast. We try to keep it short because this is just a time just to come and hang out with you guys.

Speaker 2: 33:24

But we want to get in time to ask questions?

Speaker 1: 33:26

Yeah, so if you got something. Another comment that you want to just time in there or comment, or anything that you want to talk about. That's why we do this. So just to recap right quick, by having that being that rich husband, that rich wife, we talking about being resilient. We talking about operating with integrity, being compassionate with each other and also exercising humility that comes along with it. Those are four challenging things. You go work on those four things. You going to be busy.

Speaker 2: 33:52

Because, especially and the thing that I love is that these are not things that we both have to do it. It's not just that Gil has to do this or I have to do it, we both have to. Because one of the things that we really understand is that you are on before you become a wife, and if you, the better you work on that individual journey. When you become a wife, you'll get to focus more on the fun stuff. But if you don't take the time to unpack the pain of your past, you're going to have to unpack your pain and his pain, or he's going to have to unpack your pain, and that's going to be a part of it. But if that's all you're doing, the yes marriage is terrible.

Speaker 1: 34:30

It can be taxing. It can be challenging.

Speaker 2: 34:32

If that's the way you set it up. That's why premarital is so important, because it's going to help you to understand where you need to focus on you.

Speaker 1: 34:39

Absolutely so. We enjoy hanging out with you and Mr Ray. Thank you for the comment, you and Ms Valerie. Thank you all for hanging out with us. If you're somebody else, if you're there and you give us a thumbs up, share this with somebody, because it's being streamed right now across multiple platforms, so we just oh, I think we're only on YouTube right now.

Speaker 2: 34:58

Okay yeah, so we'll share it later.

Speaker 1: 35:01

So if you find that this can be helpful to somebody that you know, send it to them. You know we, y'all know we respond. Renee does an excellent job of responding to comments and all that kind of stuff. So send them, put them in the comments, say what you need to say. You'll definitely want to do that. Hey, what's going on Building. Hey, blitz, what's going on? Thank you for hanging out with us, we love you. See, she here for real, she right here yeah.

Speaker 2: 35:26

She ain't in my ear right now. I love y'all. I love you, Blitz yeah.

Speaker 1: 35:30

And it's such a blessing. Thank you, ms Tommy. Is that Tommy? Yeah, thank you, yeah. Share with your girlfriends. Please share Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 35:40

The more you guys share, the more you guys comment, the more you guys engage, the more it helps. Rich Relationship Refuge because? Oh and so if you want to be a guest on our show and join our rich friends, please go to our website and go under book online. There is a space on the website now for become our guest and all you have to do is fill it out. It gives you the chance to schedule it at the time that works for you. You can do it on Saturdays, and I think I made it for Fridays and Saturdays to interview. So if you want to be our guest, we would love to be your guest.

Speaker 1: 36:10

And that's married and single, because we have both in the community, and the reason why we're starting to do that more yes, y'all don't hurt all the stuff we talk about all the kind of times, but they love hearing from other people too, and hearing other people's story and that kind of thing. Because, hey, what's going on? Dershaw and Brown? Hey, Dershaw and Brown. So to have you guys on just to share your wisdom and your experience, because we always said it on the podcast, because we are stronger together, that is the most important things when it comes to relationships. We ran across someone that said y'all still doing that. Well, I forgot about y'all. Yeah, we still doing this thing. We've done this for 18 years.

Speaker 2: 36:52

We've been doing this as far as YouTube and our podcast, our podcast is five years old. It just made five years old and we have been doing YouTube for it. This is going into our second year of committing to YouTube, because we've realized people need to see you, they need to connect with you, so that's how we're doing this.

Speaker 1: 37:11

Because y'all know we are here to help. Anything that we can do to help you guys, we'll reach out to you guys, we'll talk, we can collab, we can do whatever it takes to get the message out and to change the narrative about being in healthy, positive marriages and relationships.

Speaker 2: 37:26

So they can see real people, live a real life, have a real relationship, because this is not scripted, this is our real life.

Speaker 1: 37:32

We just talking.

Speaker 2: 37:32

We really we really love Jesus and each other and we're going to do some get-togethers throughout the year, just we kind of connect. Like we've already connected with Iris and her husband we met them in person, yeah and so we want to continue to meet some of our people and get to connect with you. We've built some really great relationships through the internet and I think it depends on just being like-minded, and so we love you guys. If you guys have any more questions, put them in the comments. If you would like to be our guest, go to richrelationshiprefugecom under book online and please schedule to be our guest and we have a new surprise coming. We'll tell you guys when it comes. We've been working on it for like three weeks. Oh right, yeah, another way to help you guys and to serve you guys.

Speaker 1: 38:19

Yep. So we appreciate you guys. Thanks for the comments, thanks for hanging out with us.

Speaker 2: 38:22

Thank you. Give us some hearts, some claps, some love.

Speaker 1: 38:25

We will see you guys next week. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your investment in time. Remember to subscribe to the show and hit the notification icon to be notified when new episodes are posted on the podcast platform that you're listening from.

Speaker 2: 38:40

Or you can always find us on our website at richrelationshipsuscom, or our YouTube channel, rich Relationships with Gil Renee. If you found this podcast helpful or you think it could help someone that you know and care about, please pass it along and share it with them.