Breaking the Silence: Uncovering the Unspoken in Relationships

Have you ever experienced that deafening silence between you and your partner, the kind where a million words hang unsaid? Renee and I open our hearts, sharing stories that shed light on the silent struggles within relationships. As we navigate these quiet spaces, our conversation uncovers fears, challenges the cultural stigmas against speaking up, and offers a beacon of hope for those aching to find their voice. With each anecdote and piece of advice, we aim to equip you with the courage to transform the unspoken into meaningful dialogue, fostering deeper connections with kindness and understanding.

Silence, while it can be a refuge, often morphs into a barrier in our most intimate bonds. In our latest heart-to-heart, we dissect the paradox of managing conflict professionally while floundering in personal squabbles, and the repercussions of letting fear dictate when we choose to stay quiet. Deliberating on the art of self-awareness and the power of active listening, we reveal how these tools can reshape our interactions, inviting you to join us on this continuous journey of growth. Our discussion is not just a lesson—it's an invitation to reflect, engage, and grow alongside us.

Looking ahead, our blueprint for future episodes promises to broaden the horizons of our intimate community. We'll be bringing in voices from all walks of life, as couples and singles share their own dance with silence and sound. We'll consider the timing and format that best fits your lives, because your stories, your questions, and your insights are the heartbeat of this ongoing dialogue. Together, we're crafting a symphony of voices, each unique but harmoniously joined in the quest for relationships where every silence is met with compassion and every word echoes with love.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

We are live. Hey, everyone, welcome, welcome, welcome. We are so excited and grateful that you are here with us, and I'm Renee.

Speaker 2: 0:16

And I'm Gil from the Rich Relationship Refuge.

Speaker 1: 0:19

And we are so excited about tonight's episode. Please comment in the chat, ask questions, give feedback, give us some hearts and some likes and all of that good stuff. We want to just connect with you guys tonight, and tonight we are going to talk about.

Speaker 2: 0:39

You've probably seen the crazy little intro that Renee shot earlier. I kind of photobombed it. I didn't know what she was doing, but I just kind of jumped in there just to see. And well, actually she told me what it was going to be about, but I didn't think she was going to post it. That's why I was acting a little bit silly.

Speaker 1: 0:57

No, that's okay.

Speaker 2: 0:57

It's okay for you to be silly, so we're going to be talking about a subject that Well, let's show it first.

Speaker 1: 1:07

Oh well, hopefully somebody's watching, Like you're trying to talk and the other person is, like you know.

Speaker 2: 1:11

Oh, I'm supposed to be like doing this.

Speaker 1: 1:13

Yeah, it's like and I don't want to talk, no, I don't want to talk. Have you ever had that to happen? Have you ever tried to communicate with someone and they decided they didn't want to?

Speaker 2: 1:26

Especially your significant other.

Speaker 1: 1:28

Or have you ever had a situation where someone put in the comments Well, what if you don't want to break the silence, what if you want to remain silent?

Speaker 2: 1:38

And that's a whole, nother episode. But on the serious side, if you, if the person who put the comment, if you want to chime in and put it in a chat we can actually address it.

Speaker 1: 1:48

We would love to talk and pray and resolve some of the things you know. I'm going to start off with the story and I'm going to share from my own life. One of the things I know for a fact about myself is that I am constantly growing and constantly changing and constantly becoming, hopefully, the best version of myself. And in order to do was, if you want to ruffle my feathers or get me riled up, just don't talk to me.

Speaker 2: 2:39

Yeah, I can testify to that for sure.

Speaker 1: 2:44

And you would think that, because for me, I feel that communication is the best way to resolve anything, and so to not talk, to ignore. And then the thing for me is, the longer you don't talk to me, the longer I begin to be OK with not talking to you. And something that Laura showed me was about me was that, yeah, that may be the way you're wired, but, no matter what the situation is, grace and kindness and love have to motivate us for everything that we do.

Speaker 2: 3:19

Right, right, and that's something that what we're going to be talking about tonight is called breaking through silence. Breaking through silence because this is something that we believe and, from the years of working with couples, that we know is a common habit, a common pattern, and we're going to talk about some of the things of why that actually happens, and we want you to jump in there and chime in on whichever platform you're watching from, whether it's Facebook, linkedin.

Speaker 1: 3:44

Can you hear us? Can you guys hear us?

Speaker 2: 3:47

If somebody can chime in, that you can hear.

Speaker 1: 3:49

Let us know if you can hear us.

Speaker 2: 3:50

Just give us a thumbs up, or anything posted in the comments. But anyway. So we're going to be talking about it and we welcome you and we thank you for joining us tonight. We are trying a different platform. Normally we would just go live from YouTube, but we're actually trying to stream it live from multiple sources to multiple places through StreamYard. Yes, non-sponsored or anything like that. We're not sponsored.

Speaker 1: 4:17

but if you use the link in the description, we do get a kickback from that, If you decide to join, if you decide to use the product.

Speaker 2: 4:24

Yes, but that's not why we're doing it. We did that just so we could strengthen our people, yeah, at one time.

Speaker 2: 4:31

So thank you for just joining us, and we actually talked about breaking the silence, and through the breaking the silence, we're going to give you a couple of things that you can take away from. After 35 years of doing this as a married couple and happily married, we have realized that there are things that I think some people just don't know or maybe not be aware of, and I think it impacted us, and that's all we're doing is sharing, so you can take from us some of the experience that we have after 35 years and incorporate it or make you consciously aware of, maybe something that may be prevalent in your relationship right now.

Speaker 1: 5:07

Yeah, cause I'm, you know, because you work with couples for going on 19 years now, and I never understood how someone and I know you know growing up, you know me and my god sister.

Speaker 1: 5:19

We were, we shared a room and there'll be times that she would just go, she could just not talk to me, and and I was, of course, you know, a kid, maybe younger, but I realized, for me I never understood how couples could not talk to each other, right, because Gil and I talk about everything, and I think a part of it is our temperaments are I'm not a hothead and Gil's not a hothead, so when things happen, we can always talk through it, and for me, my mistake is I think I can be like that with everyone, and the relationship that we've developed and cultivated over really 38 years because we dated for 30 years before we got married is not going to be the gauge for every other relationship. So I think that you may have something. You may have something that you do that you've mastered in one area of your life, but in other areas you may struggle, and so understand that what works in one relationship can work in other relationships if you deal with it.

Speaker 2: 6:19

Understand that the other person is going to be different, and I think a part of it is being consciously aware of the things that you may be doing and maybe habits that you have when it comes to some of the things that are impacting the relationship, and I think the reason why this topic resonated with me is because this was one of my common practices when we first got married or even when we were dating, because it was just my normal habit and, after maybe peeling back some things and talking to some people and talking to you and talking to them, you got to talk and you got to open up. So if you find it difficult where you don't open up, this is something that you may want to start practicing.

Speaker 1: 6:59

Let's talk about some of the reasons why.

Speaker 2: 7:02

Yeah, then that's what I was getting at, because some of the things that you have to be of is a wear up, so give them the first one.

Speaker 1: 7:07

That's something that may be one of the main reasons why you may not know how to, or you may not open up, is because of past traumas. You know, maybe when you're growing up somebody told you to shut up. When you're growing up you were told you were stupid. Maybe something happened because last week we talked about identity and so maybe something happened in your past that made you afraid of opening up, and so you have to overcome that.

Speaker 2: 7:39

Absolutely, and you think about Thanks for coming in whoever's here. Thanks for joining us Hi everyone.

Speaker 1: 7:44

Hey Cam thanks for joining us everyone.

Speaker 2: 7:46

So when you think about those past traumas that can impact it, it can become those habits that you've developed and you may be not aware of it, and when you are practicing it, even in your regular relationships, it's something that is going to impact you to the part of wow, how did I become aware of it? But you have to do what we always talk about in maybe some of the past episodes. It's taking that long journey inward where you come in and you look at what are the things that have impacted me to the point that it's causing me to shut down and to be silent and to just not want to engage with the people that matter the most.

Speaker 1: 8:20

And you know, one of the things that I think we don't realize when it comes to breaking the silence is that there's the person who is silent, and then there's the person who's being affected by the person who is silent. Right, so, for me, I am never silent. That is not my practice, and so for the like for you. Because he used to be silent, I don't think he realized the impact of his silence on me. And so if you're the person who likes to withhold yourself and, you know, use silence as a weapon, it doesn't just affect you, it affects the people around you and I don't think it at the time I was using it or consciously thinking of it as a weapon, I think.

Speaker 2: 9:01

Think for me it was two things Fear of the communication aspect that I didn't have to be able to articulate how I felt or what I was thinking or what I was going through or whatever the reason was that I was being silent. That made me want to really shut down. And when I shut down, just like you just said, I was withholding myself from Renee to the point that it was having an impact in our relationship. And if you have had that as a practice, sometimes you're not even aware of it and it can actually, like Cam just said, it can trigger things in you that experience that other people are going to experience it to the point that it's going to have this kind of big, big impact. For me it was really avoiding conflict. I hated it and it's weird because, being in law enforcement, all that kind of stuff, you actually are trained to deal with it, but when you are actually involved in your personal life, all that is out the window.

Speaker 1: 10:01

Isn't it amazing how you can be trained to do something and know how to do it, but in real life, sometimes we fail to execute it and practice it.

Speaker 2: 10:08

Oh, yeah, oh, absolutely, definitely, absolutely. When it comes to actually practicing the things that we know, we always say we don't have a knowledge problem. We have more of an application problem, because most people we're not. Bible says there's nothing new under the sun, which means you probably heard a lot of these things before. You probably have even already say I know all this stuff. Right, but the question still remains how am I practicing? How are we practicing it? And it is something that you're going to constantly be re-engaging and going over and over and over. Another one that actually comes up to mind is the fear of rejection.

Speaker 1: 10:45

Yeah, I think that's a big one.

Speaker 2: 10:47

And when you think about the fear of rejection it kind of spills into the other. One of that I just already remembered or mentioned of avoiding conflict is the one of being rejected. Nobody likes the feeling of rejected, whether it's being picked last on the dodgeball team when I was in the sixth grade. No, I don't have an issue with that. That's just not something that I'm just saying. I'm just picking that as a reference, OK. Ok, but I was good. Yeah, I'm just. I just want to put that out there.

Speaker 1: 11:17

I was good at it, but when you are rejected.

Speaker 2: 11:20

You know it can still hurt, it still can do some damage, but fear of rejection, that's one, and it's weird because you know what is really layered in Insecurity. Sometimes we cannot be feel confident in the things that we are or, as as a person, that I am and that I bring. And we're talking about this from the aspect of relationships, and how are you interacting in your relationships?

Speaker 1: 11:43

We talk about how to break the silence.

Speaker 2: 11:46

Yeah. So if I'm already avoiding communication because I'm insecure, how am I going to re-engage or even bring up or talk about the things that are hindering me in the relationship that I'm in?

Speaker 1: 11:59

And you know what is really sad about what you, the thing that's sad about silence is, and you're afraid of being rejected. But silence causes isolation, and so the very thing that you don't want is what your habit ends up leading. So it ends up leading you alone, right, and normally rejection is a result. You know, you feel alone, you feel unwanted, and so that's why it's important for the person who knows better to do better, because in any situation I love you know Eddie Sanders. He says this if you have a slice of the pie, you have to be nice. Everyone has a part. So the person who is withholding and being silent and the person who's being affected by it has to be able to say huh, what's my part in this? What can I do different? What do I need to do different?

Speaker 2: 12:56

And that goes back to that you doing some personal inventory and being 100 percent just like Rene's shirt about being 100% honest with yourself and you have to be transparent with yourself to say you know what?

Speaker 2: 13:08

I have an issue and if you're not willing to meet that issue head on and address it, how can you rightfully think that it's going to get better in your relationship? And it's probably not. And we're sharing things with you in this episode of Breaking the Silence on the Rich Relationship Ref refuge podcast with Gil and Renee is things that we have experienced and that we're still living through today.

Speaker 2: 13:31

We're not talking about just theory based stuff. We're just sharing with you guys the stuff that we've actually have gone through and we're going through and and continue to go through, you know, because this is something that we, while we even do this, is to share with the community all the people who watch this on YouTube and all the other platforms, and all that that. This is the things that we have to be really conscious of if we want to have the marriages and the kind of relationships that we have.

Speaker 1: 13:58

Yeah, and I think a part of it is understanding that there are practical things you have to do, that I think sometimes we don't know. We know what the Bible says, but how do I apply that in my life? And I know for me, when things happen you have to ask yourself why is that bothering me so much, why am I so upset about that? So even when you're on the receiving end of the silence, you have to ask yourself Is it going to change? Because I realized for me, the longer I experience silence, the more I upset I get, and then I go from being upset to it changing my disposition and my demeanor and the way I do things. And that's on me.

Speaker 1: 14:44

And so I realized that, like I realized a few, especially when we were younger, like when he would be quiet what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong. And then, thankfully, because Gil is not a hothead, he would never blow up, but it made his ability to open up take longer. So we have a part in no matter what we go through, we have a part, part in it. We have to make sure we own our part absolutely so.

Speaker 2: 15:12

If you don't own your part, how can you be rightfully expecting that you're going to get better?

Speaker 1: 15:17

at it, because you're not going to grow, you're not going to change.

Speaker 2: 15:19

Oh, no, you're not, you're not so. So those are actually. That's two or three, that's three self-esteem, that's something you can talk about this. I'll let you start this one off.

Speaker 1: 15:29

Well for me, because I'm growing up I had very, very low self-esteem and it took years and I talked about it for Valentine's Day how you gave me a thing from Joyce Meyers, healing the Brokenhearted. It's seeing yourself the way God sees yourself. You have to begin to have a sense of self-esteem and it comes from your identity in Christ. And when you don't have that, it's so easy for your identity to be in other people, and that's why what other people do and what they think and how they make you feel can be so important. And so it's just important that we really began to get our identity and our self-esteem not from what we wear, where we drive, where we live, but from our relationship.

Speaker 2: 16:15

Let me ask you this how much does self-doubt or play in insecurity when it comes to as an individual?

Speaker 1: 16:25

And see, you know what? I learned this a long time ago you can like the way you look, you can have good self-esteem and have poor body image. You can have good self-esteem and you can have a low level of faith. So it is because we're multidimensional, it's never just one thing. So I may have high self-esteem but I may not trust God. Right, you know which is? It affects my faith. So my doubt is big because the source of my, the source of where I get things from, is small. So I think that that's you know. That's why your relationship with God is so important, because it helps you to have healthy self-esteem, it helps you to have a great sense of faith, it helps you to have a great sense of your value.

Speaker 2: 17:10

And it's amazing because how this can actually spill into you being silent in your relationships, because when you're struggling with something, whether it's from a low self-esteem, past traumas, avoiding the conflict and all, the things, or just not being a good communicator.

Speaker 1: 17:28

That's another one. Yeah, just not knowing. Some people just don't know how to articulate their words. They don't know how to articulate their thoughts or their feelings.

Speaker 2: 17:37

How many times have you been in a conversation and you walk away and say, man, I should have said this.

Speaker 1: 17:43

I wish I would have said this.

Speaker 2: 17:45

I wish I would have said that. Why can't you do that in the midst of the situation?

Speaker 1: 17:51

because some people are slow processors and so I think a part of it, like for me, and gil gil always say oh lord, don't, don't use your word machine gun on me. And so I had to learn, I had to slow down, I had to give him time to think through yes, yes, I was slow, y'all I was slow, I was slow it in the in the processing category but you still process.

Speaker 1: 18:13

You're just a processor it takes time yeah, and I'm quick with it, so I can. Because you was like how do you do that? How do you come up with an answer within a split second?

Speaker 2: 18:23

I think that's a a superpower that women have.

Speaker 1: 18:28

I I just don't take it as a chauvinistic thing. Not all women have.

Speaker 2: 18:31

It's a superpower. I firmly believe that that is a superpower, everything has a flip point.

Speaker 1: 18:36

It's also a curse If it's not used. You said, use your powers for good and not for evil. If it's not used, with love and grace and kindness, that superpower can become a curse.

Speaker 2: 18:47

Yeah, absolutely I love this, Just like you said, hey Robin.

Speaker 1: 18:52

Hey, thank you for joining us.

Speaker 2: 18:54

It's being analytical, like you're saying here, camille, and when you are, and that's me, and when I'm thinking about something, I'm processing something because I want to get it right. And that is so important when you are in a relationship with someone and you're trying to build it, If your habit is just flying off and just going out. And I'm not talking about the silent side of this, this is the flip side of that, where somebody is just quick to say what they need to say that comes out.

Speaker 2: 19:23

Guess what that's going to do? That's going to trigger a person who is silent to go inward, and when they go inward, they are going to start shutting down. And if it's going to be counterproductive to what you're trying to do, which is to communicate, because we all want to be understood, we all want to be heard, we all want to have a level of understanding with each other that we can build upon in our relationships, but when we have these barriers of breaking silence that's what we're talking about tonight.

Speaker 1: 19:52

If you're just now joining us and we thank you, and if you're just joining us and you don't follow us and you do not subscribe, please follow us. Please subscribe, please like, please become a part of our community, because you are important and what you bring to the community is something that we all need.

Speaker 2: 20:08

I like this, Robin, that you said that I never spoke up because I avoided conflict. Now I understand to say what is needed in the love and honesty that kind of goes back to that.

Speaker 2: 20:18

That is the point that we have to get to as individuals, that we are clear about what it is that we want to say and speak up. Especially, and you know, what can be challenging and this is something that kind of spilled over into me was if you already have a communication deficit, or when I say that, what I mean by a deficit is you have trouble expressing how you feel. This is something that I have to say. This was something that my wife was very, very instrumental in in helping me to understand and process what I was feeling, cause it got to the point where wife was very, very instrumental in helping me to understand and process what I was feeling, because it got to the point where it was like so that's what that is. If I'm feeling insecure about something or I'm feeling vulnerable about something that I may be sharing, if I break my silence and I'm talking about it and then she kind of is not very loving and kind, just like you're saying, and honest about what I'm saying, guess what that's going to make me do.

Speaker 1: 21:19

Because a part of it is. It's like we're all learning, we're all growing. So, just like someone who is quiet has to learn how to use their voice, but we have to be a safe place for them to learn how to use their voice.

Speaker 2: 21:32

For those of us who know how to use your voice, but we have to learn how to use our ears and so it's important, especially just like you're saying, when you give Camille, saying when you're being rushed without being having time to process or really think about what it is that you want to say. Those words elude you, it escapes you because you're not able to bring them up at the right time to say the right thing, because you want to communicate with the right thing, but you feel hindered. And if you're feeling hindered it's because-.

Speaker 1: 22:02

It's not telling what you're going to say.

Speaker 2: 22:04

And you don't want to say the wrong thing because that's going to make the person shut down even more.

Speaker 1: 22:08

And I think that in couples, where you have two hotheads, and then you have two hotheads, and then you have a person who is a quick processor and a person who is a slow processor, I think that, while silence may be a big issue, but blowing up is even a worse issue, and so it's just learning. How do I do I process? Am I a processor? Am I a processor? I'm a quick or slow processor. It's getting to know yourself, because everybody you're going to be in a relationship with is going to be different from you, and it's, yeah, it's going to be different.

Speaker 1: 22:43

I know you know, and so it's just understanding that I think that through life, we have to be willing to always look at ourselves and say, okay, I'm in this situation and I may not have been the source of it, but I'm in it. So what do I need to do different? Where do I need to adjust? Where do I need to make course corrections?

Speaker 2: 23:00

Right, so if you just join us, we thank you for just hanging out with us. You know we're doing this on a Saturday night, for change. We try different times. We've jumping around time frame wise to try to reach as many people as we possibly can, but we know a lot of people are still going to be watching this at a later time. Yes, you can always put things in the comments. You can go to the website, the web page, and, just hey, put your comments in there. If you have a suggestion for an episode or a topic that you want us to cover, we will do that yes, we will.

Speaker 1: 23:26

We will talk about. If you have a question in the chat, put it in the chat.

Speaker 2: 23:29

I like this. Camilla and Robin have been putting stuff down here. I've been reading.

Speaker 1: 23:33

Thank you guys, thank you for participating, because a part of it is that you don't realize something that you share might be something someone else needs, because we know we don't have all the answers. That's the purpose of community we all bring something beautiful to the table that someone else may need to hear, and so always be open to sharing, and to sharing your comments and your feelings, your thoughts, your views.

Speaker 2: 23:57

Absolutely, Just like Camille just said, singles oh man, this is the time where you can be practicing these things and being made aware of the things that we're kind of talking about right now no singles help us out here. You know I can take that two ways. I'm thinking that there's some single people who are on here jump in there and talk about the things that why are you silent in your relationships when it comes to things, but also topics?

Speaker 1: 24:20

Or are you asking for topics for? Are you asking for topics for singles? Because we have a bunch of episodes that we have done about singles? Is there a specific topic you want us to talk about?

Speaker 2: 24:30

Because we'll bring it up and we'll bring you on. Then you can be that boy. You want to be the mouthpiece, you want to be the vocal boy.

Speaker 1: 24:36

We're going to start doing more interviews with other couples and with singles, because that's something we used to do in the beginning and we really loved it and I think that that would be a nice change for the way we create content.

Speaker 2: 24:53

Nice change for the way we create content and we want to be able to make the community a part of what we're creating. So, robin, yeah, I appreciate you saying that about the time change, because that's what we're trying to do to find the best time change, because we know everybody has life and everybody got things going on. Everybody has life to live, especially, but when it comes to your relationships, when do you have time to work on your relationships? And that's what we're trying to do is make a contribution, make a deposit in you, but we want to set a time.

Speaker 1: 25:17

That can be a routine where you know okay, so what time? So is it Saturday morning work better. You guys put that in the chat If you're watching this now or later put in the comments if you prefer Saturday morning or if you prefer Saturday night. It will be on Saturday, we're pretty flexible y'all.

Speaker 2: 25:35

We'll do what's ever best for the community at large. So we join you. We thank you for jumping in and hanging out with us for the time, even if you can't stay for the whole time, because we don't want to waste your time. We want to bring value and add things to you as it pertains to relationships, but we also want to hear your voice.

Speaker 1: 25:51

We want to hear what you have to say and you know what you're thinking and what's going on in your heart, because this is a place for us, a safe place for us to share and for us to grow. And if there's things you want to talk about that you don't want to talk about openly, you can send us an email at richrelationshiprefuge at gmailcom, and we'll respond to you and we'll get to you. Know, because we had such great comments. We read them all.

Speaker 2: 26:17

Everyone. This is a sidebar, but those who are watching, who are just chiming in and Renee don't even know I'm going to say this, but I didn't mean nothing about the eyelashes.

Speaker 1: 26:26

Oh love oh baby it was just a comment. It was just a comment, it was just something Okay, so we're now on TikTok y'all, and TikTok is a different culture, a different environment and the same video that I should have. The same video that we put on the other platforms. We put on TikTok and we got so many women.

Speaker 2: 26:47

They definitely were.

Speaker 1: 26:49

What makes men think that we do that for them? We do that for ourselves.

Speaker 2: 26:54

See, camille know what I'm talking about. Love my flashes, camille, you know me. I'm not harsh. I'm not trying to be harsh, but all I made was a comment.

Speaker 1: 27:07

Well, actually it was my fault, because Gil was talking to me and I said um, because I? You know, we have men in our community. I was doing a video and just talking to women I said hey guys, if you think I said, gil said he doesn't think long eyelashes are pretty. And so, men, if you don't think I'm long eyelashes and make pretty, put it in the comments. I wasn't saying that women do it for me. I was trying to include the men in our community in the video. I will never do that again.

Speaker 2: 27:35

But again it got good engagement, it did but it was scary. But you know what? Also, what we're talking about tonight is about breaking the silence.

Speaker 1: 27:44

Breaking the silence, and that could be breaking the silence of we were talking to a friend. I think we need to break the silence of the expectations we have of dating.

Speaker 1: 27:53

Or uncommunicated expectations, uncommunicated expectations. I think that, unfortunately, so many times we have uncommunicated expectations and we need to. We owe it to the people around us to share what we want, what we need, how we feel, what we think, but sometimes, once you say it out loud, you're like is that crazy, the things you keep inside of you? I always say you don't keep secrets, they keep you. Share talk. If you can't, if you, if you're not a good communicator, write it down. You know. And for those of us who are good communicators and people are not good communicators give them time, be patient be, gracious.

Speaker 2: 28:37

And, as we're talking about the breaking through the silence, one thing that I can say, even from the list that we're talking about and the things that we share we're talking about traumas and rejection. Those are all real communication deficiencies, but there are sometimes. You can have things that are just naturally in you. That doesn't mean that you're just not afraid to break the silence, like being an introvert, or you're just naturally shy. That's one of the things that happens to someone who has those traits. It's not that you don't want to break the silence, it's just that's a part of who you are.

Speaker 1: 29:12

Sometimes you don't know, and that's why it's important to have friends in different stages of your life and from different places, because you get to be exposed to, because, like with you being so quiet, it taught me oh man, there's a whole world out here. You just learn how to listen and and not like for him. He would probably say I taught him to talk and so you need someone in your life that's going to help make you the best version of yourself right, and even for the, for those are our viewers, who are shy, naturally.

Speaker 2: 29:39

yeah, that is okay as long as you're not insecure or insignificant. Well, like I was yeah, I was going to say some of the other things that we talked about already on this episode but if you have, like, a communication deficit and you're shy and you're introverted, that's a huge obstacle that you have to overcome because, by breaking the silence, that's a habit that you're going to have to develop, it's a skill.

Speaker 1: 30:07

It is a skill.

Speaker 2: 30:08

It can be learned. You know we all go through things that are. All the lists that we've provided to you tonight are things that are impacting your, your communication style primarily, especially when it comes about breaking the silence, because by breaking the silence, that means you're communicating. So all the things that we're talking about are naturally embedded in us through experiences and things that have happened to us, and conflicts and avoidance and all these different things.

Speaker 1: 30:36

And I want to say this it is okay and healthy to be saved, believe in Jesus, speak in tongues, go to church and have a therapist. Sometimes you might need a psychotherapist, and that's okay. We need to stop making it like something is wrong with you when you see a therapist. No, I think that most of us there's something wrong with us because we don't think we need to. We all need. It could be through books, it could be through courses, it could be through physically going through a therapist, but you need to know the areas of your life that are broken and wounded and that are hindering you from being the greatest version of yourself. And sometimes you need a marriage coach, you may need a lifestyle coach, you may need a therapist, you need a team. You need more than just you. We'll never become everything that God has called us to become by ourselves.

Speaker 2: 31:27

Because that's what we try to do, even in these episodes and the lives and all the things that we try to bring to you guys is just the community aspect. The community aspect because we realized early in our relationship that we weren't going to figure it all out on our own.

Speaker 1: 31:42

Because, think about it, you can only do as much as you have the capacity inside of you.

Speaker 1: 31:48

Well, yes, the word of God, and God gives you things beyond your wisdom but then you still need people, because everything you think you know, oh baby, it's going to be tested. It's going to be a practice test. It's going to be because we say we believe these things. But then guess what, when life happens to us, how do we respond? How do we react? How do we practice it? And so in life, you're going to have to learn how to interact with and to get along with and to develop relationships with people other than you.

Speaker 2: 32:18

So what we're talking about is breaking the silence, and I got one more that we can bring up other than you. So what we're talking about is breaking the silence, and I got one more that we can bring up, and this is something that I think affects our community. A lot is cultural. When I was growing up, one thing that I was told and you probably can finish this sentence what?

Speaker 1: 32:33

goes on at home, stays in our house.

Speaker 2: 32:37

And that is true to a point Right. What I'm talking about is when it gets to the point where you have developed a habit and a pattern of not talking about anything because you were told to be quiet and to keep silent because of cultural things that have happened. There are some cultural things, that about keeping silent and being. You know, the old adage back way, way, way back before we were growing up, was there were certain positions in certain places that certain genders needed to stay in. You know, like when men used to just be in a room by themselves and women couldn't even be involved and couldn't talk or couldn't bring up that they just need to serve and do those types of things. Those days are long gone, long gone. You try to tell somebody to keep quiet. I don't care what culture they are, what well, especially at one, I don't care what culture she comes from or what ethnicity she comes from.

Speaker 1: 33:32

Our voice is turned on honey.

Speaker 2: 33:33

Oh it's going, you're going to hear about it, but sometimes that can be a hindrance in some people overcoming oh yeah, absolutely so. Keeping that silence because of cultural background, it's OK if that's a part of your natural introversion and you shy the point that you're not being heard and you're being suppressed in your vocal capabilities and your vocal communication and your talk and your emotions. That's something that is definitely going to impact your relationship.

Speaker 1: 34:13

So what do you do? So how do you fix it? I mean, what do you do going forward? How do you fix it? What do you do?

Speaker 2: 34:19

First thing I would say is something that I think gets developed is listening and observing. When I say listening, I'm talking about all the stuff when it comes to breaking the silence, if someone is deciding to share things with you and talk to you and communicate to you, listen to them, especially if it's your significant other, if they have finally tried to exercise that thing, you have to listen to them, to understand, not to respond, because if we get into a habit of already thinking about what we want to say, whether it's a normal conflict or just a natural conversation, that means you're not listening If you can't listen. People talk to us and they talk about how we engage in these videos and we're doing this live, and how we pitter patter back off, back and forth off each other. Well, some of that has developed over time because we've been with each other for so long, because we respect and value each other.

Speaker 2: 35:13

But the other side of that is just kind of what I was getting to is we listen, we listen to what you're saying in the comments and try to incorporate that and listen to understand. Even if you don't agree with the person that you're in conversation with, it's OK. But as long as you empathize and listen to what they're saying and listen to understand, it can be very effective in breaking the silence.

Speaker 1: 35:36

One of the things I would say that's important to do is to always, always, always, extend grace and be kind, because one of the things the Lord showed me was grace is not pulling people at my pace, grace is walking in theirs. Kindness is not earned. Earned kindness is a basic essential that, as believers, we should be extending to every single person we come in contact with. And so, just thinking about that, you know, one of the things the Lord showed me was because you know, I was like it's right and it's the truth. Well, after you get done telling them what's right and it's the truth, can you tell them about Jesus? If you, after you get done telling the person what you want to say, can you then turn around? And so, if not, so yeah, are we gonna miss it? Are we gonna get it right every time? We're gonna miss it and we're not gonna get it right every time.

Speaker 2: 36:32

So, therefore, we have to extend grace to ourselves as well as the old saying goes, is it better to be right or get it right? Which one are you trying to achieve? Which one are you trying to accomplish, especially in our relationships, as we're talking about breaking through the silence? You want to get to that point, to where, when the silence is broken, these are the things that you want to get into a natural habit. Another one social interaction. Sometimes you got to read the room y'all. Yeah, you got to be very conscious of your surroundings and the people that you're talking to. That's a part of things that are positive. Now we're talking about social interaction. When you're thinking about it in this form, putting what you're putting in the chat, and if we're in the one that we got multiple screens up and multiple people are talking, that's okay, but you have to be conscious and aware of your interaction with other people. I'm just reading some of the comments.

Speaker 1: 37:29

I'm trying kind of jumping back and forth but you know, I think a part of reading the room and it's funny because even little kids like liza, he would look at me like why are you looking like that? He's like what are you thinking? He gets sick. So reading the room begins to be something that you do very early and being aware of what are we communicating with our nonverbals? You know, if we want, you know the Bible says in order to have friends, you've got to be friendly. If we want, you know the Bible says in order to have friends you've got to be friendly. So we can't sit in a corner by ourself away from everybody and say I don't have any friends and no one wants to be my friend.

Speaker 2: 38:10

We have to be willing to do our part. Practice it when I say practice it when you have decided to break the silence and come out of the shell and talk about and try to not do the things we've already talked about and you start to open up and start.

Speaker 2: 38:27

You have to. It's going to be weird in the beginning. It's going to be something that it's just like working out. How painful that is when you first start working out because you hadn't, whether it hadn't been in the gym for a while, or it's a whole new exercise that you learn new muscles. It's a new, new new things always feel a little odd in the beginning, especially if it's a whole new exercise that you learn. It's a new muscle. It's a new, new, new things always feel a little odd in the beginning, especially if it's something that you're trying to incorporate into your personality.

Speaker 1: 38:47

Especially if it's something that you've never done before and it's not your normal life. For me, when I'm learning how to be quiet, it's like what? I don't talk, oh my God, who do you think I talk? But as you begin to practice it, it becomes more natural, and so anything that you want to get good at, you've got to just do it.

Speaker 2: 39:08

Yep. So we just wanted to share this stuff with you guys tonight.

Speaker 1: 39:11

We thank you guys for hanging out with us.

Speaker 2: 39:13

We went a little bit over the time that we normally allow. We try to keep it under about a half hour because we know everybody has other things that they're trying to do, but we appreciate you guys hanging out with us. We hope you we bring some value and some some things that maybe you're aware of I hope it was fun and we hope it was informative. Thanks for camille and robin really engaging, thank you guys, appreciate you guys who is that building the whole?

Speaker 1: 39:37

you hey we love y'all we appreciate you, you guys, so much.

Speaker 2: 39:43

Thank you, guys for hanging out.

Speaker 1: 39:44

So please share this video with one person. Everybody share with one person and leave a comment on whatever platform you're on, and if you didn't subscribe, please subscribe If you didn't like and follow. Please do that. It really helps us, because when you do that, that helps us to help other people. So we love you and we're so grateful to be able to serve you guys.

Speaker 2: 40:08

Because we appreciate it, because we know this is an investment in your time, so don't take it lightly. We really appreciate it, we love you guys and we will see you guys next week same time, yep same time.

Speaker 1: 40:18

We're going know stick here next week all right, let us know we love you guys. We'll see you guys again next saturday have a good night. Have a great week. Remember you are more than enough in christ jesus. Use your voice. People need to hear what you have to say.