Untangling Love's Warning Signs: Distinguishing Red Flags from Trauma and Building Trust in Relationships

Ever found yourself questioning whether that uneasy feeling in a relationship is a red flag or just a shadow from your past? Gil and I take you on a journey through the complex terrain of love and partnership, where we dissect the stark differences between instinctive warnings and echoes of our own traumas. Engaging heart-to-heart, we reveal how the wealthy might just be less prone to infidelity and the pivotal role of trust, shaped by honesty and consistency. We'll share our personal narratives that underscore the importance of heeding to your gut when it signals danger, guiding you to foster connections that resonate deeply with your core values.

Navigating the sea of romance requires a compass of vulnerability and candid communication. As we lay out the groundwork, you'll learn why exchanging backgrounds and passions is instrumental in cultivating a flourishing bond. But it's not just about the building blocks; it's about vigilance for potential pitfalls and prioritizing self-evolution. With insights from Gil, myself, and the invaluable support of kin and confidants, we steer through the tempest that is rushing into relationships. We stress the wisdom of observing a partner across different settings and taking ownership of our romantic choices, empowering you to avoid the trap of playing the blame game when love goes awry.

In our closing discussion, Gil and I delve into the significance of self-awareness in the dance of relationships, spotlighting the red flag collector within us and the transformational power of embodying the attributes we admire in others. We champion the benefits of therapy for mending past injuries and preparing for a union that thrives. By sharing the qualities we seek in partners and embracing the continuous journey of dating—even within marriage—we illuminate the path to self-love and readiness for love, ensuring that when you step into a relationship, you do so as a complete, content individual. Join us for these candid revelations, and let's grow together at the Rich Relationship Refuge, where love and faith intertwine.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil and Renee, where amazing things happen.

Speaker 2: 0:10

Our goal is to help build, prepare and restore healthy relationships.

Speaker 3: 0:14

But tonight we are really thankful for all of you guys who watched and shared and who are part of this community. Tonight we are going to talk about why rich couples don't cheat. I know you say that's a bold.

Speaker 1: 0:34

All of a sudden, the person is not so positive and they may come off as sarcastic, may come off as being condescending, they may put you down, not necessarily directly saying oh, you are not this or that, but it can come off kind of on the sly. Those are all indicators that maybe this is something that red flag yeah, remember that red flag and it may come in different shapes, different forms, different ways or how they actually. But if it's not positive and encouraging and building you up, consider that a part of the dishonesty, because everybody puts their best face forward. When you're dating, that's the most deceptive time in your relationship, because you always want to portray the best parts of yourself. And if you have indicators or you've seen red flags that make you go, hmm, that's something that I don't like.

Speaker 3: 1:29

I want to do this.

Speaker 1: 1:30

Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 3: 1:31

So what's the difference between a red flag and unhealed or unresolved, unpacked trauma? I'm going to give you the difference. In most cases, a red flag is something that you see in the other person that goes against your values, your boundaries and your goals. Those are red flags, things that you can see right away. It's like, oh man, I like indoors, he likes outdoors, or I'm a believer, he's not a believer. Those are, those are red flags.

Speaker 3: 2:09

Unpacked pain or trauma is something that you feel inside when you're in their presence or when they do something or when they say. People like to call them triggers or hot buttons. So we have to be careful that we don't mistake a red flag, and sometimes they can interlap and overlap, but we want to be able to differentiate between what is a red flag, which is something that I have to decide, what I'm going to do, moving forward, or is this something inside of me that's making me not be open to the process of dating? Because, because, because dating is about the first thing is getting to know the person. Right before you can date, you need to be doing some just conversating and communicating and just to see, because even in the process of just vetting this person, you may decide.

Speaker 1: 3:08

I don't like him or and I don't like her and if you think about those things that are red flags, those are the things that you are seeing. That makes you think. That makes you think, hey, this is something that I need to be paying attention to as I'm deciding if this is somebody I want to keep pursuing or keep going down that road with. So it may look a little bit like this Do they can try to control your decisions and things that you do, or how you maybe dress, or how you may interact or try to? And especially, what is? I? Like what you said just a little bit ago about the personal trauma, think of those as inward. Those are things on the inside of you. Maybe something happened in your past that is a trigger for you, like you put it, but the red flag is something that you see outwardly. That triggers that thing inwardly.

Speaker 3: 3:59

Right, and you and I, we always laugh and joke and say that everybody is a little crazy. But you're crazy can't be combustible. You're, you're crazy has to complement each other, and some people are just you're not going to be compatible. Sometimes they're crazy and you're crazy. When you mix it together, it's just like a bomb, and so don't ignore that. That feeling of you know. One of the things is important to understand about understanding the difference is trust the Holy Spirit inside of you, trust that little voice that's saying mm-mm, danger, danger, like I always talk about. When I saw Gil, it was something about him that made me want to know more, and if it's something that it's like, oh no, mm-mm, right, right, something about that person, don't make me feel safe you don't sit don't make me feel good.

Speaker 3: 4:49

Hey, thanks for joining us. Please share the video, please share, share, share um. So if there is something about them that makes you feel uncomfortable, don't ignore that. Listen to that, because if you ignore that, then all the other signs that you get you're going to ignore those as well.

Speaker 1: 5:06

Right, exactly so. When you start dating someone, I think about this one, this next one, this is talking about the D and DUIs. As far as dishonesty this was not me being dishonest. I give you a real world example.

Speaker 3: 5:18

We were dating. Here we go, here we go.

Speaker 1: 5:20

When we were dating, there was a guy that I was in high school with and this person was an entrepreneur and he was really focused on trying to get his business started and he had bought a gas station and he had decided to build this gas station while he was still in high school and he needed help. You know, and I remember, this is a trigger for me. This is a personal trauma. This is a good example, and I was supposed to go on a date with Renee and I was supposed to meet up with her and I was late. I still met up with her, but I was late and at this time this was post or pre cell phones and you don't have the quick means of communication or anything like that and what you tell your side. Why it was it trigger?

Speaker 3: 6:04

Because I was used to people rejecting me. I was used to people not doing what they said, and for so long, Gil had always did what he said. And so when he didn't do what he said one time y'all hear me, ladies he did what he said all the time for months and months and months.

Speaker 1: 6:20

And so one time he didn't do what he said and I had took everything we had and I had put it in a box and I was going to break up with him for one, I would say even perceived infraction, because it really was an infraction. Yes, I was late.

Speaker 3: 6:36

No, you just didn't come.

Speaker 1: 6:37

You didn't make it.

Speaker 2: 6:38

Oh yeah, that's right, yeah, you didn't.

Speaker 3: 6:41

Let's set the record straight. It was not that he just was late.

Speaker 1: 6:45

He did not arrive because he was but then I provided the explanation to you. I did not lack, I wasn't lying. I didn't lack the transparency, but Renee had a trigger of inconsistencies in people that she was in relationship with prior to me. That guess what. That stirred up something on the inside of her Like here we go again.

Speaker 3: 7:07

Yes, and so we have to be careful that when we see something one time in someone that has consistently showed us something positive, that we don't erase all of the good that they did because of something inside of us. Now, looking back on that now I can tell you the reason why that bothered me was because I was used to being rejected, I was used to being lied to, I was used to being disappointed. But that wasn't Gil's fault, that was in me, right. And so we have to always ask ourselves what do you see more of? Do you see them keeping their word and doing what they say and being a person of integrity, like we talk about being rich? Are they resilient? Do they have integrity? Do they have compassion? Do they walk in humility? If they're doing that all the time, right, and then one time they are human, they drop the ball. They drop the ball and you are ending a whole relationship. So that would be more than that's not a red flag, that is a personal trauma, personal trauma.

Speaker 1: 8:10

Now, personal trauma, like we're saying, personal trauma triggers the red flags. It's up to you to decide are you going to pay attention to the red flags and to be proactive with them in this?

Speaker 2: 8:19

case, it wasn't that that was not a red flag.

Speaker 3: 8:22

That was my personal trauma, reacting to you being human. And so we have to make sure that we're going to lead with grace and understanding, because, you know we talk about a woman's role is to submit and to help, and a man's role is to lead and to love. And so we have to make up in our mind what are we going to lead with Right? You know, I can't throw it in my godmother's life, so you're going to break up with him because of one thing Thank you so much for the hearts and the love. We love you guys.

Speaker 1: 8:50

Thanks for sharing, thanks for joining.

Speaker 3: 8:52

Thank you so much. We're so glad you're here.

Speaker 1: 8:54

And that kind of spills into the you and when we were growing up. Good and bad experiences, past hurts, feelings, pains all those things that happen just as about as we just live in life. But if it's unresolved and this thing comes into your present relationship, this is someone who has not tried to even resolve these things or they're still dwelling, still living in the past. How many times have you dated someone and you feel like you're having to make up for someone that came before you? Yeah, Hmm, If that has happened to you, give us a thumbs up.

Speaker 1: 9:42

And how do you deal with that? How do you go through with it and say you know what, If this is somebody I'm deciding to spend some time with, how can I help them unpack some of the things that they have unresolved, some of the hurts, some of the pains, and this can take on any shape. It could be, just like you said, trauma, personal pain or anything like that. It can also be something that is a little bit more serious, you know, in the form of addictions and things like that that we talked about in some of the other episodes. But that's something that we want to bring to light, that you cannot ignore.

Speaker 3: 10:15

It can be a red flag. The biggest thing about understanding the difference between the two is most of the things that affect us in relationship start with us. It starts with the reflection in the mirror. And so when we can navigate that well, if I know I'm human and I'm frail and I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm gonna fall, then guess what I'm gonna give you the same freedom to do that right. And so when you're just getting to know someone, what normally makes relationships in in the beginning of the dating stage is the red flags. It's like, oh no, that person don't keep their word. That person they're not.

Speaker 1: 10:53

They're not being 100 transparent and honest and those types of things. That's the deed, that's the dishonesty.

Speaker 3: 10:59

Yeah and so a part of it is understanding that the most important thing about the whole dating relationship is that it's discovery. In the beginning of the dating it's just getting to know each other, it's being curious, it's asking questions and what's your favorite color and who's your favorite family member?

Speaker 3: 11:18

I mean, that may seem trivial, but the longer the journey goes in and the more you ask questions, the more you talk about your childhood and your past. You ain't got to go into your deep, dark secrets in the beginning, but someone's willingness to be vulnerable in the beginning is going to let you know if you should go further. Oh, absolutely, Someone's willingness to not be vulnerable. They don't want to ask you no questions. They never make time for you. That's not somebody that you want to give your time and attention to. Right, you know, we have to make sure that we don't ignore the obvious things. So the red flags are a big part of it. But it's also and we talk about it it's so important that you work on you as an individual before you get into a relationship with somebody else, Because, if I don't know like, I mean, we were 21. I didn't know that.

Speaker 3: 12:10

Oh, we're still trying to figure out life yeah we still haven't figured ourself out, and so, therefore, to bring another person into that and to think you're going to be able to know how to do that, it's very unrealistic and the grace of God just covered us.

Speaker 3: 12:23

I can look back on that now and say, oh, the reason why that bothered me was this but at the moment I was in my feelings, and so another part of helping you to unpack the pain of your past is to have people in your life that you can go to, that love God, love marriage and love both of you enough to be honest with you and, like we talked about back in the day, your family were, or they were, a part of the process of you dating.

Speaker 3: 12:53

If you ignore the people who know you best and love you and care about you, that's going to send the message to the person you're dating that you don't listen to the people that love and know you the best. So if you don't listen to them, that that opens you up for them taking it, because it's like to me, there should be a certain level of loyalty that you have to the people who've always been there that a person that just popped on the scene shouldn't be able to be, have access to and I think, even when we talk about the unresolved things that are, as let's call it, baggage, and the things that we've been talking about tonight is, those are top six in discussions that you should be having with the people that you're in this relationship with right, because that's the real part of relationships.

Speaker 1: 13:37

You know it's fun to have activities and do things that are fun and you enjoy each other's company, but the time that you are spending together, like Renee was talking about, is the time that you should be discovering the good and the bad, because you don't want to know about it after you've walked down the aisle, after you've made this long term commitment. Then, all of a sudden, you start finding out secrets, and those secrets start coming out at the most inopportune time and then you're wondering what did I miss? Well, red flags, you got to pay attention to them.

Speaker 3: 14:10

And a part of it is because I think I was. I was talking to someone and we were talking about the way these apps are. You know, you go from high to hey, you're my soulmate, I just met you. I can't be your soulmate, I can't be the person God did not create me for you. I don't know you, and so we have to have enough on both sides. Men and women, you have to be sober enough to know that someone that just met you I mean, you may have chemistry, you may have electricity, you may have lust, but you don't have what it takes to make a long-term decision about this person and you just met them. That takes time.

Speaker 1: 14:49

Oh yeah, that takes seeing them in different seasons and seeing them in different settings and seeing them around different people, Because if you meet someone in, they don't want to be around you, or your family or people who are important to you, even if it's not your family but someone who has another type of influence, Not to say they're in control of you but, they have a voice in your life.

Speaker 1: 15:10

Those are the people that you really want to say help me make this decision. You may not say it, actually soliciting help, but this is someone that you are saying help me make this person, this choice. That what am I missing? You know, and then that's where, ultimately, it's going to be up to you to decide if I'm going to invest my time, effort and energy in a long term relationship, whether you walk down the aisle or even date long term. But you have to listen to the people who are around you, the good and the bad, and ultimately, yes, you're going to make the decision, but don't try to hold others responsible when your picker is broke. I'm just going to say it like that.

Speaker 1: 15:48

When I say your picker is broke, if you keep finding yourself in relationships and you keep getting the same thing over and over and over again and it ends badly or it ends in a way that you did not understand, they call that being insane. When you are doing the same thing over and over and over and thinking you're going to get a different result, you're insane. So if you are doing the same thing over and over and over and think you're going to get a different result. You're insane. So if you are making bad choices, and bad decisions with people that you are trying to establish a long term relationship with, and you keep seem like you're running in this relationship circle, then maybe you need to reevaluate and start paying attention to the red flags that you see, because you owe it to yourself.

Speaker 3: 16:25

And sometimes and in that case that's not red flags, that's unresolved trauma and pain, and a lot of it is sometimes we're afraid to be alone. You should like yourself enough, you should love yourself enough that you enjoy your own company, and being by yourself does not mean you're lonely. Some of my closest friends and we've known each other for years. They're like my sisters, they're like my family. They're not married, but they're also not thirsty.

Speaker 3: 16:56

They're also not oh my God, I'm so lonely, oh my gosh if I don't get, Because marriage is not for everyone and that's understandable, and it's okay.

Speaker 3: 17:04

And that's understandable and it's okay. It's okay because to think that God created you for another person is very naive. God created you for himself First. He created you for himself, he created you for a purpose, and if this other person is going to help you fulfill that person, that then hey great. But if you're going to be with someone that's going to take you off of your relationship, away from your relationship with God and away from your purpose, then guess what? That is a more than a red flag.

Speaker 3: 17:37

That is turn the other way and and and leave yeah, because you you have to realize that God put you in a family. He gave you relationships that you had before you were in a relationship with somebody else. I would say your cousins are like where you learn about relationships. Your cousins and your siblings You're practicing for how you're going to be in a relationship with somebody else.

Speaker 1: 18:00

And even the good and the bad, in that you know everybody has different family members, that some you're close to some, that you're not, that's understandable. That's just life, that's just being human. But on the same token you have to decide where am I going to invest the time, effort and energy into the relationships that feed you and feed them. It's a two-way street. There should be reciprocity. If you get heavy, if the relationship gets to the point where you feel like you're the only one doing the work and the heavy lifting, like you're the only one doing the work and the heavy lifting, you're gonna get tired, absolutely because in your humanness.

Speaker 2: 18:31

We are not designed to carry another person no, no, we.

Speaker 1: 18:33

It should be reciprocal. It should be things that you feed into them and they feed into you to help you walk out this thing called life. And then the last one we're going to talk about with red flags, as far as when we talk about duis. If you just join us, thanks for hanging out with us on this Saturday night.

Speaker 3: 18:47

Good that you guys asked questions yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:49

And then it's incompatible. Incompatible values, values if your values are not lining up. Let's just say it first and foremost we believe we are followers of Christ. That's what we build our life upon. Everybody has their raising and they can choose and decide whichever path they want to walk on, but that's something that is a staple in our life, right, jesus Christ? What are the staples in your life and what are the values that you hold true to be in a relationship? And if that person that you're with is the polar opposite, or maybe not going down that road, or even, let's just say, not even interested in the things that you are interested in when it comes to your personal values and how you see things and how you want to live your life? Red flag, yeah. Red flag, yeah. Because if you are thinking about that, if it triggers something for you I think about, we didn't grow up in church.

Speaker 3: 19:40

We were both heathens.

Speaker 1: 19:43

That's always so. It's not funny that we were heathens, but we weren, were always in love with the Lord. But now that we are, that is something that can be mutually attractive to the other person as well. Let's just call it in today's vernacular They'll just say your spirituality Well, ours just happened to be Christ, right.

Speaker 3: 20:04

Right, and a part of it is you should be attracted to something other than their body parts and their features, because that's going to fade and that's going to change. Like I said, when I saw Gil, there was something about him that was like different and that it was like, hmm, what is something about him? There should be something inside of you and, like I said, we were not saved, we didn't know the Lord, but God predestined for us all to have a relationship with him and there's a mark on all of us. He has a plan for all of us and so that light that he puts inside of us, even if it's just a little bitty light, it's going to be there. And so I think that when we are connected and we have, god has a plan and a call in our life, that there's a way that we can just discern things.

Speaker 3: 20:55

Don't ignore that, don't I? Always, when people say, well, I'm dating so-and-so, I'm like send me a picture, let me see their eyes. You can look in people's eyes and see at least I can and see darkness, and so that's why it's important to let other people that know, love you respect, you care about you be a part of the process. Now make sure these people are in healthy relationships, because one of the things my godmother told me is don't let somebody who ain't got no man tell you how to keep yours. Be careful that there. Some people are just negative, some people are just miserable, some people are just bitter. We're not talking about going to those people to help you with the process, but it's people who who love God, who who love relationships, who love you and the person that you you're trying to get to know because you need that.

Speaker 1: 21:44

Because it's always amazing Do you have friends that are in a good relationship, or or better? Yet let's flip that People who are not in a good relationship telling you how to have someone or how to be in a good relationship? No, they can't do it because they haven't achieved what they talked about. I think about my mom when we were sitting at the table when we first got together, and my mom was trying to explain to us how to have a good marriage, and I stopped her right in the middle of her sentence and said mom, you didn't have a good marriage, so how can you tell me how to have one? I wasn't being disrespectful. My mom has taught me to communicate to her. I was just speaking facts as they say so, and she said you know what you're right? And Renee is sitting there like oh my god.

Speaker 3: 22:26

No, my mother would have slapped me in my face. I didn't grow up in the same kind of house Gil grew up in but that is the kind of thing that we're talking about.

Speaker 1: 22:32

So make sure you're surrounding yourself and listening and talking to people who are on the path that you are trying to be on.

Speaker 1: 22:38

You're going to have naysayers, you're going to have negative people, you're going to have people who are not at a maturity level that they can discuss and talk about things on a from a mature level. Then guess what? Let them be silly, let them be goofy, let them be clowning, but what are you trying to achieve for yourself? That's to me, that's a red flag, should be for a red flag for you, but that's a personal trauma that they have that they're trying to get over, right? So, and you have to be there for them and be there, not involved with them, but be there to say you know what? I'm going to pray for you. You know, and even as people come in here and they have comments, we see the positive comments and the ones that are just silly and nonsense. You know what you can put it in there, that's fine. That's why we're not giving it any airtime, because foolishness doesn't doesn't even need to be aired.

Speaker 3: 23:24

And you know a part of it is. I'm sorry for your pain.

Speaker 3: 23:28

Because, when people, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, when you put a comment, it's a reflection of your heart, and so we're going to pray that God will continue to help us to grow and that's why we're here. We are here to help us to have healthy, rich relationships, and that takes having someone for so many years. I felt like, well, you know, I got married at 21 and you know we've been married for over 35 years. Why should we talk to singles? Because if you are single seeking marriage, you need somebody who got some receipts. Everybody wants to talk about receipts.

Speaker 3: 24:03

I see so many people talking about marriage and talking about relationships and they're single. We're not telling you what we read in a book. We're not telling you what our training is. We're sharing with you the reality of working with couples for 18 years, loving each other and wanting to see people who look like us win in relationships, because so many times we are showing and promoting negativity and divorce and foolishness and us deciding how we can come up with the rules to life. God already did that, and so at this place, in the Rich Relationship Refuge, it is a safe place for people who want to grow and thrive in God, honoring relationships. I am not apologizing. I am not asking for anyone's permission. If that is not what you're looking for, there are billions of channels on YouTube that can feed you what you want to eat, but here that's what we got at our table.

Speaker 1: 25:05

That's what we're talking about. So we appreciate you guys hanging out with us, so we put it in in the comments if there's something you want us to chime in on or give feedback on or if you have, if you have something that is positive and encouraging that the community can benefit from, by all means put it in the chat.

Speaker 3: 25:19

We appreciate you guys hanging out with us and we appreciate you guys putting nonsense in there too because it's entertaining.

Speaker 1: 25:25

It is, it is. I'm looking at some of them and I'm entertained.

Speaker 3: 25:29

I'm glad you would say see, I don't have on glasses.

Speaker 3: 25:31

So last week I had on glasses, so I saw it, and so I realized that that is a part of this, because in the reality of the of the world that we live in, it is so much easier to critique than it is to create, and what we're doing is we're trying to create something that's going to last, and so I want to ask if you have a situation that you're trying to differentiate, is this a red flag or is this a personal trauma?

Speaker 3: 25:57

Put it in the chat, put it in there Because we want to help, because so many times people don't have anybody to go to, they don't have anybody to talk to, maybe like, for us, our parents are deceased, we don't, we can't go to our parents, right, and so people most. I feel like I learned a lot from people about what not to do, and so I have a desire to help people know what to do, because I didn't have that, you know, and I could have the attitude well, I didn't get it, so forget, forget everybody else. But I feel like, because God so richly blesses my life and our relationship, why would you not want to share that with someone else?

Speaker 1: 26:33

And that's all we're trying to do. You know, we could keep it to ourselves and keep the things that God has showed us and that has been very beneficial to our relationship. We could be gatekeepers, but we know we said God put it on our heart to say you know what? Do we have all the answers? No, we'll tell you that, first thing, we have a perfect marriage, but do we have things that we know can benefit someone in a state in their relationship that needs to get better or who just may not have that experience or may not just know or have someone to go to? That's who we are here for. So we appreciate you guys hanging out with us. I know time flies, man. It's already been almost 35 minutes that we've been on here and this is what we've been trying to do is come on on a Saturday night. You know everybody's out doing their thing and all that kind of stuff. This is something that we personally enjoy doing and coming and serving you all.

Speaker 1: 27:19

And by all means reach out to all the other channels and all the other stuff that we put out there, because we want to hear from you. You know, this is just a quick moment in time that you can put in some of the comments or anything that you want to say. That can build up, encourage other people.

Speaker 3: 27:34

Or even answer a question, because the only questions that are not smart questions are the ones you don't ask and sometimes the questions you may have somebody else may have.

Speaker 1: 27:45

I love that. Yeah, we talking about it, you, I, I'm gonna have to coin that term. Flag collector, red flag collector oh my god, that's, oh, that's like the blame thrower.

Speaker 3: 27:55

Some people go through relationships. They looking for red flags. Well, guess what my godmother should tell me? You're gonna find what you're looking for. If you're going in a relationship looking for red flags, don't date. You still got pain if you're. If all you're doing is looking for red flags, don't date. You still got pain if you're.

Speaker 1: 28:08

If all you're doing is looking for red flags, then you have unpacked pain and unpacked trauma and that kind of goes into something that we we had a couple that we talked to today and you're gonna see their episode next week yeah, we won't be here next week.

Speaker 1: 28:23

No, live next week, guys there was something that was said that if the advice that they wanted to give and you'll hear next week, but the crux of it was if you are looking for something specific, write it down. Look at everything that you're looking for in this partner that you want, whether it's to go down the aisle or just to be in relationship with, and then compare yourself to that list and you become that list.

Speaker 3: 28:47

Yeah, that's what the lord gave me when I was a hairstylist, because everybody would ask well, how do you know? Write the list down, be specific, and then you become the list, because so many times we're demanding from somebody else what we don't bring.

Speaker 1: 29:02

Guess what you're gonna find what you are and then, on top of that, like you said, being a flag collector, be mindful of what are the things that makes you collect those red flags. Look at them and say you know what, why do I keep collecting these red flags, what is it that I'm missing? And then don't ignore it. And that's something that hopefully we gave you some of the things to talk about, or even to think about that can help you on that journey to say you know what? Dui, dishonesty, unresolved baggage and incompatible values.

Speaker 3: 29:37

And how do you deal with unresolved trauma? You need a therapist. Hello, hello. It is OK to love Jesus, be black and have a therapist, because sometimes you need somebody to help you navigate and dig up and unearth and be confronted with baby. You had 25 bad relationships. It's only one you.

Speaker 1: 30:06

One common denominator.

Speaker 3: 30:08

And so and sometimes it takes somebody else who doesn't know you to say that, and so we need to get rid of the stigma of well, I'm a believer in Jesus and I speak in tongues and I go to church, I ain't going to no therapist. Sometimes we need Jesus, medication and therapy and therapy. And that's okay, because sometimes the things that have hurt us are so deep and we bury them so far into us that we just think, oh, that's normal, that's how everybody is. Everybody is looking for red flags. No, everybody is not looking for red flags.

Speaker 1: 30:42

I'm giving a thumbs up because, like you said in here, you got your list and those red flags can help you dodge bullets. They can, they can. That means you're paying attention to the things that you see, you know and be mindful and be praying for that person to come across your path. That is not a red flag, that is something that can help you just navigate life, and that's what it's all about.

Speaker 3: 31:01

And the reason why we want to do this, because sometimes we can be unrealistic, sometimes we can only look for the negative, and sometimes the reason why we're like that. Sometimes it's because we have a introverted, pessimistic personality. Sometimes it could be because we spent most of our life. There's reasons why we are the way. Some of it is the way we're bent and wired, and some of this because there's things that we still haven't really dealt with, and so sometimes it's not ready to date, it's not time to date. Sometimes you just need to date you, and when Gil was talking about we believe that dating is preparation for marriage.

Speaker 3: 31:42

I believe that you should date like a spouse when you're single, because dating is forever. It's not just when you're single, you should date for the rest of your life because, guess what, we still date each other. And so it's teaching you how to date like a spouse and not date like a side chick or a side piece as a man, because if you're going into the date giving away the most valuable part of you, that's not going to produce longevity. Yep, you want to give them, you want to discover and get to know and be honest and, like you said, don't ignore the red flag. But if you immediately become physical, you're not going to be able to be sober.

Speaker 1: 32:21

Because that may be a red flag for you, yeah, or you may be a red flag for them, yeah. So we hope you guys got something out of this Saturday night live with the Rich Relationship Ref. So we hope you guys got something out of this Saturday night live with the rich relationship refuge. We appreciate you guys, even the comments and the chat.

Speaker 3: 32:35

Thank you and for sharing and for um liking leaving comments. We appreciate you guys. We actually the podcast will be up on Monday for this and we are just grateful that you guys are a part of our community. We are so grateful we get. We are just grateful that you guys are a part of our community. We are so grateful we get to serve you guys because we know, like we said, we didn't have this, we didn't have anybody we can go to, we didn't have anybody we can talk to, and so for you single people looking for a safe place, we are here.

Speaker 1: 33:02

So pay attention to them red flags and also understand the traumas that you have, and hopefully we've given you some things to think about that could actually help you navigate.

Speaker 3: 33:10

And if you look in the show notes, we have more details, we have scriptures and we have more it's more written out. So, and then our blog is up at richelatiorreviewcom as well, and our app. If you have an Android phone, please, ma'am, please, sir, go to the app store and download it, because we actually put out a daily devotional and this whole month is geared towards singles and we're going to alternate between one month will be all, the devotions will be for singles. The next month it'll be for um, married couples, it'll be for engaged couples. So throughout the year we're going to have a daily devotion because we realize you need something every day to help you stay anchored, and for us that's reading the and prayer, and so we're going to make that available. So it's already up on the website and it's on the app as well.

Speaker 1: 33:55

So we appreciate you guys.

Speaker 3: 33:56

Remember guys, we are stronger together and we love you and you are more than enough. If you have questions, please reach out to us at richrelationshiprefuge at gmailcom or at helprichrelationshiprefuge com, or go to our website, rich relationship refuge dot com. And we love you and we're so grateful we get to serve you. Guys are the best part of our community we'll see you guys next week no, we won't see you next week.

Speaker 3: 34:20

We won't be live next week because one of our couples is getting married so we're gonna, you're gonna have the Jeffersons next week, all right it won't be us, see you guys love you guys.

Speaker 3: 34:30

See you guys week after next so, guys, we have a new way to serve you. Um, we have a mobile app. Yes, we have a mobile app. So if you have an android phone right now, it's in the google app store, because we want to be able to have you guys to have help at your fingertips. We want to be able to have you guys to have help at your fingertips, we want to be able to be in your pocket, because so many times we go to different places. We go to apps to find a mate. We go to apps to date. We need to go to apps to learn how to be the best version of ourselves. Before we find a mate, we need to find ourself. Before we get a divorce, we need to make sure we have a good understanding of where we need to change.

Speaker 3: 35:18

Our app is called Rich RR Marriage Mentors. Please go and purchase it. It is $7.99. Yes, $7.99. And it helps us to help other couples. It helps us to take care of all the things, and so it's such a feeling of just gratitude because now we have a place that's ours, y'all, it's ours. It's our place, it's our little place that we can come and meet and connect and grow and help each other. So go to the Google App Store Rich Relationship, it's our place, it's our little place that we can come and meet and connect and grow and help each other. So go to the Google App Store Rich Relationship is rich Our marriage mentors and purchase it and tell your family and friends and leave us a review, let us know what you think about it.

Speaker 1: 36:03

So thank you for listening. Thank you for your investment in time. Remember to subscribe to the show and hit the notification icon to be notified when new episodes are posted on the podcast platform that you're listening from.

Speaker 2: 36:16

Or you can always find us on our website at richrelationshipsuscom, or our YouTube channel, rich Relationships with Gil Renee. If you found this podcast helpful or you think it could help someone that you know and care about, please pass it along and share it with them.