Unveiling the Secrets of Enduring Love with Corey and Tamika Jefferson

Imagine finding your soulmate in the place you'd least expect—Corey and Tamika Jefferson's love ignited in a physical therapy clinic and matured into a 25-year testament to love's enduring strength. We're honored to have them share their story on today's episode, where they reveal the significance of resilience, integrity, and spirituality in nurturing a lasting bond. Their journey from serendipitous meet-cute to weathering life's tempests together is nothing short of inspirational, serving as a guiding light for anyone seeking to foster a deep connection with their partner.

Character and shared values aren't just buzzwords for the Jeffersons; they are the cornerstones of their relationship. Corey's embodiment of family values and Tamika's mirror of his mother's virtues illustrate the profound impact upbringing and spirituality have on finding and keeping love. Listeners will uncover how the Jeffersons crafted a spiritual home that honors both their backgrounds, providing a blueprint for couples eager to intertwine their beliefs and create a partnership anchored in mutual respect and faith.

This episode is a treasure trove of marital wisdom, tackling the evolution from singlehood to a united front in marriage. The Jeffersons candidly discuss the hurdles of decision-making, integrating lives, and the power of placing Christ at the center of it all. You'll walk away with actionable insights on nurturing individual growth within the sanctity of marriage, the art of daily communication, and expressing gratitude through prayer. Join us as we celebrate this couple's legacy of love and discover the keys to your own enduring relationship.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Rich Relationship Podcast with Gil and Renee, where amazing things happen.

Speaker 2: 0:10

Our goal is to help build, repair and restore healthy relationships.

Speaker 1: 0:15

Hey, it's Renee and Gil from the Rich Relationship Podcast Refuge.

Speaker 2: 0:20

All that, all that. We are so honored and excited. We have some special guests with us today, our rich friends, and they are going to share their love, ups and downs and story with you guys. Please welcome our amazing rich friends, corey and Tamika Jefferson Yay.

Speaker 1: 0:44

And before we actually get started, we want to set this up for you guys, because one thing that good, well, one thing that is good that came out of the, that the pandemic. I wasn't going to say that.

Speaker 3: 0:55

But that's okay.

Speaker 1: 0:56

But the thing that happened a couple years ago was, I think it there was a lot of tragedy. Obviously, a lot of people had sufferings and things like that and our hearts go out to them, but there was also a lot of good that came out of it, and I think the book the Rich Relationship, refuge One is Cold. All those things gave us an opportunity to meet some amazing people that we physically didn't meet. This is one thing that, if you are in social media and you do things, this is how social media can be a benefit to you. It can be Because we met these two amazing people through social media, never met each other never been in each other's presence physically until this morning.

Speaker 2: 1:35

Yes.

Speaker 1: 1:36

But now it seems like we've known them for years because we actually got there.

Speaker 1: 1:39

And they're going to share a little bit of their story with you, but this is something that we want to just set out for you as you watch this episode and as you listen to it on the podcast, because y'all hear us talk all the time about stuff. Well, we have some people that are on the same track and we appreciate you guys coming here and standing up. I just want to throw that out there, just so everybody knows exactly like where we're coming from with this.

Speaker 2: 2:02

Who are these people in washington? Yeah, exactly because they are rich friends and we already talked about what rich means. It's our friends who have, who are resilient, they have integrity, they walk in compassion and what is it r-i-c-h? And they are humble they walk in humility, so that's a rich stands for in our community so we'll give it up to you guys.

Speaker 1: 2:25

Why don't y'all tell them a little bit about you guys and where you're from, and just a little bit about you?

Speaker 3: 2:29

guys and how long you've been married.

Speaker 1: 2:30

Yes, absolutely about that part.

Speaker 3: 2:32

All right, we're the Jeffersons. I'm Corey. This is my wife, tamika. We've been married forever. What's forever what.

Speaker 2: 2:41

What's forever? What's forever, tell us? Tell us, corey Been married for 25 years. Wow, woo, 25. That's a blessing.

Speaker 3: 2:50

It's been a blessing. We enjoy hanging out with each other and spending time with each other and chasing our kids around.

Speaker 4: 3:00

Yeah Well, I mean, we just, tag team, like I call it.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 4: 3:07

We tag team when he's strong, I'm weak, and where I'm weak, he's strong, that's it. We just tag team.

Speaker 1: 3:12

How did you guys meet? We always ask this story because everybody got their version, so give them a little bit of the brief version of how you guys act.

Speaker 2: 3:21

The real version. Oh, here we go, here we go, here we go. You tell your version, and you tell your version.

Speaker 1: 3:28

Or you clean it up for him.

Speaker 2: 3:30

I'll let him, tell it, go ahead, tell your story.

Speaker 3: 3:32

Thomas, we met at a physical therapy clinic I was working at here in San Antonio. She was an intern, you were an intern and I was working with a therapist who was super busy.

Speaker 1: 3:47

So from time to time she would give me tasks to give to the interns. So you were her boss. No, I'm just kidding. Boss life, okay, okay. She had to do what I said, but we won't call it that other thing.

Speaker 3: 4:04

Okay, yeah, but there's a patient that was dedicated for pull therapy and I wanted Tamika to do that duty because I actually wanted to see her in the bathing room, so I thought she was cute.

Speaker 4: 4:18

You're trying to tell the real story.

Speaker 2: 4:21

Come on, Tamika, tell the story.

Speaker 4: 4:23

I was my last clinical affiliation. Actually, this is like the anniversary of us actually meeting. The April 1st was our was my first day at that location and it was my last clinical affiliation. I was about to graduate, so he worked there for a few weeks. We got to know each other, but he was in a relationship. I was in a relationship, we Nothing happened there, but years later, about a year later a year later he was the designated driver for his brother and some friends to go out or whatever, and I ended up. I had just broken up with the person I was with prior and I didn't want to go nowhere, I didn't want to talk to nobody, but my cousins pulled me out of the house to be their designated driver.

Speaker 4: 5:10

So we ended up at the same location and I ran into him again and that was it.

Speaker 2: 5:15

But you weren't in the bathing suit no, no, no, no but he still had the picture of you in the bathing suit, did you not?

Speaker 4: 5:25

yes, so that just proves that men are visual so, um, yeah, so we met up there and, um, we started talking, but I was at that time I had moved back to houston, he was here in San Antonio and I had did some work there and we just, you know, started talking and I ended up a few months later moving back to San Antonio, okay, and then that's when everything started blossoming. Who hit who up first? Actually, no, you did not. Yes, I did Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:09

So how long did you date before you got married?

Speaker 4: 6:12

About a year—a little bit over a year, a little more than a year. A little more than a year, maybe a year and a half, okay, wonderful.

Speaker 1: 6:18

Yeah.

Speaker 4: 6:20

We—because we started in the fall of one year. No, it was in the summer of of 97 and we got married December of 98.

Speaker 1: 6:35

So even when you're going through the dating cycle. So we talked about a little bit about how you guys met and you guys had a brief kind of courtship, if you want to call it that. What was something, if you can think about it, that stood out to you while you were dating that you guys kind of focused on? As it related to because you are two individuals and I'm kind of tying this into what they wrote in the book about the inventory, because they did a great chapter in the book and we highly encourage you to check it out about the inventory, about that time of you looking at yourself and you focusing on you before you become one. So what was something that you guys intentionally kind of thought about? Or, if you can remember, something that you guys were focused on in a dating stage.

Speaker 4: 7:14

In the dating stage for me. When I met Corey, I saw him as someone that I knew would be a great leader and he was a family man and he loved to go to church and as I was dating, there was not a lot of guys that wanted to go to church All three of those. Yeah they would not and I would ask people. They didn't want to go, but he asked me to go to church with him.

Speaker 4: 7:42

So I was like, oh Okay, okay, you get some points for that. Yes, and he was always kind and very protective of me and with me, I was always athletic and moving around and everything. So I needed a strong built man, robust. So I got that. But as far as the inventory, I was learning about myself. I was in my early 20s when I met him, but the inventory really took place after marriage. Yes, it really did. I mean, you know, learning more about myself as a person and then learning about him too and learning how you know, how are we going to manage this for a lifetime?

Speaker 4: 8:30

Because I didn't want to live as a woman, as a mom, I learned a lot of things not to do. Oh, wow, so yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:59

And I can agree with that, because so many times, we have so many people teaching us what not to do, but we have very few people teaching us what to do. Something that you said that I think is important, ladies, I want you to hear this. The things that she said she was attracted to was he was a family man, he loved god and he was protected. Then she said his physical characteristics. So many times we lead with the physical characteristics and we forget about the character characters, what really matters. So thank you for sharing that. What were you thinking?

Speaker 1: 9:27

cory, we lead with the physical characteristics and we forget about the character. Characters are what really matter, so thank you for sharing that. What were you thinking, corey?

Speaker 3: 9:31

about when you were dating, miss Tamika. Well, when we were dating, I think we had gone out maybe six months or so and we were at this party. One of my cousins had a birthday party and we were hanging out and we were sitting on this bench and I told her I said I got plans for you. I was serious about it. So I told her, I said I got plans for you.

Speaker 1: 9:53

She goes you do yeah, you got to elaborate on that.

Speaker 2: 9:56

What's the plans?

Speaker 3: 9:58

You'll see, you'll see. And we ended up getting married another what? Eight months after that or something like that. And it's funny, one day we were talking about well, she had asked me about my plans. I was like you're living it. When I first, when I met you, you were strong, you loved God and you were beautiful.

Speaker 2: 10:26

You had a backbone and you had a lot of qualities that she hates when I say this but a lot of the qualities she has are the same qualities that my mother has, so I saw a lot of that in her and how she carried herself, despite the things that she'd been going through, in the way she was raised.

Speaker 3: 10:48

Um, she's very close to her grandmother and she's probably and out of everybody in her family she's the most, she's the closest, she's the the most like her grandmother, which was a.

Speaker 1: 10:58

She was a very beautiful woman, smart, strong, uh, determined, and all those qualities are are in to me and I think it's so important that you make that emphasis, because, while our origin, sometimes they say women look for the guys that are like their dads, and sometimes it's the vice versa with women. Guys are attracted to people like their mom, and that doesn't mean mom is going to take care of you or I'm looking for a woman to take care of you, and I'm sure that's what you were kind of emphasizing. But when you find someone to have those characteristics of a good quality woman, that's what you should be building your list upon, not somebody to wash and clean and cook and all those things that maybe your mom and them did.

Speaker 2: 11:38

Those are just tasks, yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:40

You're looking for someone that you can partner in with, because if you think about the list that Corey just gave, it wasn't about her doing tasks like a domestic servant type thing. It was somebody to partner in with.

Speaker 2: 11:52

And I noticed he didn't mention anything sexual.

Speaker 1: 11:55

No.

Speaker 2: 11:56

Oh, so that wasn't a problem with this either.

Speaker 1: 12:01

Now you mentioned something in the book that I want to actually bring up during this episode because I think it was really important about. One of the things that we kind of talked about was a struggle that couples may go through when it comes to disagreement, and you guys both are spiritual people and sometimes you're going to have spiritual disagreements. Can you talk a little bit about the church, selection of a church, because a lot of couples go through this about how they're going to worship and if they have a disagreement, how do you handle that? How did you guys handle that? And I love the story and I want you guys to elaborate on that one. Well, we can both talk, okay um, she grew up baptist.

Speaker 3: 12:39

I grew up church of christ. I grew up going to church every Sunday with my mom. My dad didn't go to church that often until later on in his life. But I grew up going to church not really a church people kind of person, but I go to appreciate the word of God and listen to it and apply it to my life and when I found Tam was some, that was something that that she was doing at the same time as well.

Speaker 3: 13:07

Um, we just had a lot of things in common and as far as we were looking for a church, we had a lot of things in common, but the church thing wasn't. It was the one constant that was not coming. Every, every Sunday was an argument Are we going here, are we going there? Are we going to my church? Are we going to your church? Are we going to a church you like? So I got to a point where she was always telling me you can try to go to Baptist churches. You don't even try, you're just not even going to try. I'm like we'll go, let's go. So we ended up going. We see, I let her pick it and we went and uh, we went for a few years, not a few years went for a few, uh, few few weeks, and she didn't like what was going on at the church. So we ended up going to another one. This time I picked it and I didn't like the pastor and I didn't like what he was talking about and the church people, uh. So this went on for 10 years.

Speaker 1: 14:05

Wow, that's a long time.

Speaker 2: 14:07

You mean God didn't do it in like a week, you mean it wasn't like 24 hours. 21 days.

Speaker 3: 14:13

Over those 10 years, those fights got worse and worse and worse, to the point where we didn't want to go to church.

Speaker 4: 14:18

Yeah, so the changing point was that day he's talking about. We were going to a church, we intended to go to a church, but we were late for that church and we just so happened to be on the street of another church that we were invited to. He was invited to and something in me just said God, god in me, the Holy. Ghost. Yes the Holy Ghost in me told me concede, just let it go this is the opposite of work submit, submit.

Speaker 4: 14:50

Yes, because if I'm gonna live god's will, god's will is for me to submit, and so I did, you know, and that was a changing point for all of us for our kids, for him, for me, and we're going to the same church now. We've been there for 15 years.

Speaker 1: 15:08

So what was it like with that that come to that epiphany of submitting? How did it feel after you decided to submit? How did it feel for you internally?

Speaker 4: 15:18

it was like casting that that care upon the lord and he'll make your burden light. You know, that's that's what it was. It was a relief when I saw my children when they came out of the children's church. They were so elated, they were happy, and that gave me the signal this is a church for you and the church.

Speaker 2: 15:43

It's a Church of Christ church, but it is more modern or liberal than the traditional churches of Christ, so it has some principles that are not as staunch as some that I feel the traditional churches of Christ have been, and so it wasn't so much the denomination, it was the application of the Bible and how it makes you feel welcome.

Speaker 1: 16:09

Yes, now, cory, did you during that time when she decided to submit, was that like you had a sense of what's going on? Or did you know she was just acquiescing and just saying, okay, I'm gonna let you lead? Or was that a conversation? It was a conversation?

Speaker 3: 16:23

okay, um, it was a conversation it's something that that, uh, like I said, we're talking about it in that, in the car, in the car, and to me it's like she said I, I give up, I'm submitting, we're gonna do it what you said and we'll we'll see where it goes.

Speaker 1: 16:40

Now, when he she did that, did you go? Yeah, that's right, that's what you're gonna do. And I tell you, I was.

Speaker 3: 16:45

I wasn't sure about the church we're getting ready to go to either. So, um, I was just glad that she was open to it, right, and we're going to work it out from there.

Speaker 1: 16:54

And that's so important because and I jokingly said that, but that's what it's talked about the Bible talks about the two things that men are supposed to do, which is to love their wife unconditionally, like Christ loved the church, but also to lead yeah, christ loved the church, but also to lead, yeah. And when you led that way and you said that was a practical, real world example of leading your family. And submission from submission and leading, and we're going to use that one forever.

Speaker 4: 17:19

And he said we're going to church somewhere today. So he turned into that church.

Speaker 2: 17:26

So he led, and that's beautiful. So he turned into that church, so he led and you led him there. That's beautiful.

Speaker 3: 17:31

Why don't you say that? Because the church we were at before that it was a Valentine's Day thing and for some reason you couldn't ever gain access to the minister, okay, and ask him questions or anything like that. But I just cornered him because we were there and he was there and I was like, look bro, I got this issue. My wife and I didn't grow up in the same kind of churches and we're trying to figure out where we need to go. What would you do? He said you're the man, ain't you Just like that? Yeah, exactly. So I said, alright, say less.

Speaker 2: 18:05

Say less, and what does that mean to you when someone says something like that?

Speaker 3: 18:09

well, what he meant was you're the husband, you're the lead, right. Do what you're supposed to do right, leave. You don't necessarily have to leave by being domineering mmm, but definitely lead her to where it's. It's gonna be a situation good for both of you. And when he said said it, it kind of made me upset Not necessarily upset I was like that's too simple to be the answer Do what you do, do what you're supposed to do. It's my fault. It is my fault and say that again it was my fault.

Speaker 1: 18:45

That's so challenging for me because I get this question from a lot of the guys that I talk to doing this kind of thing. But they want to know what does that look like? And sometimes it can be. For me it was intimidating in the beginning because you know what's at stake. You know it's not just me making it.

Speaker 1: 19:01

When you're single, you make a choice or decision. It's just you who want to suffer the consequences. But when you have a family and you know I make something as a decision, like what church are we going to go to, and if I pick wrong, guess who's going to be accountable for that? Right, and so that's a heavy weight and I think sometimes us men don't take that serious enough. You know, or have someone challenge us to say do what you know to be right. You guys talked a little bit about struggles, just like this. You had a church struggle and I'm sure you guys have had challenges growing together in marriage. Why do you think some couples struggle when it comes to just everyday things, when they go from being single individuals to now they marry and they still have struggles?

Speaker 4: 19:47

Because it's the struggle of two wheels. You know you're, you come from a background, and they come from a background and they're gonna clash eventually. They don't clash and so, like I, like I said before the that that Christ is the center yes.

Speaker 4: 20:05

Christ is the center, he, he is the common ground, the common denominator, and when you go into him and your husband's going to him, then you are meeting at the common ground space and he is the forever part he holds forever in his hands. We're temporary people, we're mortals, so we're going to change, we're going to get older, we're going to get sick, 're going to, but with him it's forever. So that's where you go, that's your guide, that's your compass, that's your, your everything so that's why you have to have christ and I.

Speaker 2: 20:43

Just that was one of the things you know, because for us, we've been working in servant immersion for 18 years and, if I had to say, the one thing that I realized is the most important thing is that how could you go into something that god created and not let him be in the center of it and expect for it to work right? So if you're dating or thinking about getting married, or even if you are married, if christ is not in the center, trust me, it will fail.

Speaker 1: 21:12

He has to be at the center of your heart and your marriage for it to work so, of course, from your perspective, what does that look like from the guy's side of the street?

Speaker 3: 21:20

well, I was going to add to that. Yeah, yeah, as far as, because she said christ is the center and in the book we talk about the unity candles the two candles that are at the end. Yeah, yeah, and christ in the center and in the book we talk about the unity candles, the two candles there at the end. Yeah, yeah, christ in the center, and you can't have a marriage without keeping Christ in the center.

Speaker 1: 21:37

Right, it's true and she and I we.

Speaker 3: 21:41

We may have fought a lot going leading up to being able to go to the same church and figure all that stuff out, but through all that it was a lot of prayer yeah and God got us closer throughout all that.

Speaker 3: 21:53

So those struggles tend to get you a little bit closer right, and when I say closer, that means us to being closer and us two as one getting closer to Christ yeah, because I think sometimes when couples feel that difficulty or they feel that, um, tension, they naturally we, we're just going to give up something that's wrong.

Speaker 2: 22:11

You're going to, like you said, you're going to have your differences. So what made you guys say, instead of just giving up and going your separate ways, what made you guys press in and say, no, we're going to make this work?

Speaker 4: 22:25

Well, both of us believe in vows and we believe in God's promises, and those things never fail. So we. For me, I always humble myself because, you know, I could. I don't know, I don't know if it's because I'm a competitive person or something, but I always feel like, oh, I'm this, I'm that, there's something wrong with him and him and him, you know. And then God was like, uh, excuse me, but I know, feel like, oh, I'm this, I'm that, and there's something wrong with him and him, and him and him.

Speaker 4: 22:51

And then God was like uh, excuse me, but I know both of y'all. God was like I know both of y'all, and you ain't too great either. And so I started seeing myself and I'm like, okay, I'm going to hush now.

Speaker 2: 23:06

And isn't it wonderful when you have that moment, because I know we first got married Lord he need to do this, and Lord he need to do that, and they need to do this. And he said, how about I show you?

Speaker 1: 23:14

you, because, when I show you, you then you'll begin.

Speaker 2: 23:18

I said every time I come to you, I'm beginning to realize that you're always telling me about me. So we start off with couples. There's no such thing as marriage problems there. There's no such thing as marriage problems. They're individual problems that you bring into your marriage. You bring problems, he brings problems, and you have to take them both to the Lord Right.

Speaker 1: 23:37

So was there something, corey, that you thought about when you were in your singleness and you decided to get married, that you realized that was going to be a struggle for you individually coming into it, struggle, or something that was going to be challenging that maybe that you didn't think? Or if you had to give yourself advice, young Corey advice, knowing what you know. Now, after 25 years, what is something that you say, bruh? You need to be made aware of this.

Speaker 3: 24:05

That's a good question To 25 years. What would I tell young Corey?

Speaker 2: 24:10

I would tell him well, we have a young Corey.

Speaker 3: 24:16

Speak to him, speak to young.

Speaker 2: 24:17

Corey, we speak to you, young Corey.

Speaker 3: 24:20

My advice to my son was when you start dating, you make sure that she believes in God and she loves God. You do that first and foremost, that she believes in God and she loves God. You do that first and foremost. All the other stuff, as far as the looks, and all that stuff that comes way down to the end you want to make good family values, that she loves God and that you guys actually pray together. Yeah, and that's some of the advice that I would tell young Cora. Also, the other advice I would give him was to Look at yourself and make sure that you're a better person. Make sure that you're able to Handle being a provider, handle being a father. Are you ready for any of that that stuff? Do you know what goes along with it? Are you able to handle being a good father? Are you a good example? Try not to have all the baggage that you grew up with come into your marriage.

Speaker 1: 25:19

Some of it's going to come.

Speaker 3: 25:20

But find somebody that is going to be there with you and fight with you, fight for you through all that.

Speaker 2: 25:28

I have a question, because we get so many people in the community who ask so many questions and they always say I love what you guys are saying, but how do you do that? So, as a man, as a black man, what is one thing that you do every day that makes the things you're explaining? How do you make that happen?

Speaker 3: 25:50

Well, it's constant prayer. Tamika and I pray at night, before we go to bed, but that's not the only time we pray. I'll pray for her. She'll pray for me throughout the day. We'll pray for our children throughout the day. We even have things on our phone that remind us pray for Corey, pray for Taya. Yeah, you know, we don't want to miss a day without praying for each other. Right, as a family, right, staying close to God is the best way to handle all the things that are going to be thrown at you throughout the day, and each day is a new day, yeah, so just stay in constant prayer. Yeah, you know whether you're saying it in your head, talking to God, or you're on your knees. Yeah, think about it. Pray to God every day, every single day, and that's something that I wasn't doing, probably. Probably, I didn't start doing all that stuff until, probably 10-15 years ago back then I'm like I can handle this, I can do that.

Speaker 3: 26:59

Do it in your own power. Exactly, I'm a man's man, I can handle it, I'm strong.

Speaker 1: 27:05

I'm as strong as you think you are so, tamika, why do you think women and I won't say necessarily women, but believers kind of struggle and not think about god in their marriage and why it's important to invite a man and be present? You guys talked a lot about how god in the church and the values that you had played a role in your marriage. Why do you think maybe some people underestimate the value of that?

Speaker 4: 27:33

I'm not sure. I think that a lot of people have to see a physical manifestation of God. You know, they have to have a visual of God, since he's not a tangible he can touch. God they're out of sight, out of mind, type of thing. Someone asked me on Facebook one time well, he wasn't asking me, but he had just put a question out there why is everybody always saying pray to God? Why in our marriage we got to pray together to God? And I told him well, god is the author of marriage, he's the one who created it. So who will bless us in this situation? You know, you go to the author of it and he was like, oh, I never really thought about it like that. Well, he is, he's the author, he's the creator, he established it, he established marriage. He's the creator, he established it, he established marriage. So, people, just since we're so visual, we have videos for everything we have videos and all of that you know.

Speaker 4: 28:40

It's a faith thing. It's all about your faith level and knowing that he's present and seeing how he's evident in life and everything that you do. And once you get in that groove with him, it's just beautiful.

Speaker 4: 28:58

It's a lifestyle. It's really a lifestyle, and your lifestyle has to be guided by that book, by that Bible. Yes, and that's the handbook to your life, and I've been since. I think I really began studying the Bible when I was 21. I didn't really grow up in the church myself, but I always had God with me, you know, I always had. My grandmother was the person who would. Whenever I was with her, we would go to church with her and, um, I learned a lot about christ and and she, she was always buying me bibles at every stage of my life and then she gave me the real bible and all that, but in her influence is who?

Speaker 4: 29:45

how I developed my relationship with god. You know I wanted to be like Christ, so I were started working in the medical field because I wanted to heal just like Christ.

Speaker 4: 29:54

You know, that's my kids, so, but you know when I as I grew and I still wanted that to be relational with people and be hands-on. So that's why I chose physical therapy, because I, you know, help people and I help people recover from illnesses to walk in again or whatever. So that's been my mission, my life's Journey. But you, just you have to have that lifestyle.

Speaker 2: 30:23

Yes, and I love that you said you guys both have said it the H in rich humility. And so many times people say, well, what does it look like, what does it mean to be in Christ? It's humility. We have to check our pride, our desire to be private and our ability to be proud.

Speaker 2: 30:49

If we check that at the door. That opens up the door for gratitude and serving and loving and leading and submitting. And so so many times people are so used to people talking about going to church we're talking about. We're talking about being the church we're talking about. We're talking about being the church. We're talking about people looking at your life.

Speaker 2: 31:11

You know, if you say people are visual not that our marriages are perfect and not that we have it all figured out, but we want to be a physical, walking, living, breathing example to you all of what a godly, god-honoring marriage looks like. And so that's why we bring our rich friends on here, so that you guys can see that there are people who look like you, who love Jesus and have a good marriage. And so I have a question for both of you. If you were talking to someone who was in the dating stage, what would be something you would say they need to be working on before they go into their thinking about dating? What should they be working on before they start dating? Either one of you can answer first.

Speaker 4: 31:57

What should they be thinking about before they start dating? Yes, as individuals, as individuals, individuals. Well, I think that they should. They should want to kind of look at themselves and see what they haughty am. I too, you know, am I expecting something of you that I don't expect of myself? Because that's a big one, you know, a lot of this culture today is he's gonna take care of me, he's gonna buy me, and they do that pause that that. Stop that yes.

Speaker 2: 32:50

They expect what?

Speaker 4: 32:50

they can get from someone instead of what they can give. Oh man I love that how they can serve or how they can do for someone else.

Speaker 2: 32:56

So you said you should come to the relationship to give and serve and not to take, take. Yes, you're a jerk.

Speaker 3: 33:06

Gloria, You're a jerk, I would tell them to make a list of all the things that they want in their spouse or their girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever, and, after they read that list, ask themselves how many of those qualities do you need?

Speaker 2: 33:33

yes, wow, yeah, so start by trying to fulfill those qualities that you exactly be the list, be the list, be the list right, like what you see in the mirror.

Speaker 1: 33:37

Yeah, right but you know it is so easy just to take and look for things in other people that that's for single people to do, that Stay single then. Yeah, if you selfish.

Speaker 2: 33:50

Stay single. Nobody want to be with you if you selfish.

Speaker 1: 33:53

And that's the point that I was getting to. Thank you, baby, for giving me my point. And that's what happens to you After you've been with somebody for a while.

Speaker 3: 34:03

They're going to finish your sentences.

Speaker 1: 34:05

She's doing it right now they're going to finish your sentences. See, she's doing it right now. They're going to finish your sentences and we appreciate you guys coming and hanging out with us. You know the time flies, but as we're closing out, why don't you guys just if you are going to now? We talked about the singles. What piece of advice would you give somebody before they walk down that aisle? I love that you said about the vows earlier. You mentioned vows and promises that you do at a wedding. One piece of advice that you would give that couple that is the day before their wedding that they need to be mindful about as they go towards those years together um, first of all, we, we pray together.

Speaker 4: 34:55

A lot of couples, they, they don't pray together. They think, oh, I'm praying, he's praying, he's praying, yeah, or you know, but together, when you come together, then you're in unity, you're, you're in one mind, you're in one body, you know, and so that's a ministry together. That I think is vital. Just continue to do that. And it doesn't have to be a long drawn out prayer it can be.

Speaker 4: 35:18

Thank you, father, for our unity, thank you for our home, thank you for you know, prayers don't have to be requesting something. Prayers can be that prayers can be painful parents could just be great gratitude, you know just. Thank you, lord. Thank you, we made it today.

Speaker 2: 35:33

They made out of traffic and into our house today and sometimes our prayer needs to be those of repentance.

Speaker 1: 35:39

Yes, forgive me for being so hardy.

Speaker 2: 35:42

Forgive me for being so selfish, so snatchy, so grabby, so tanky.

Speaker 4: 35:47

That could be a prayer.

Speaker 2: 35:48

That could be a prayer.

Speaker 4: 35:50

You don't have to be drawn out, but just something simple, every day, every day, step by step. That's awesome.

Speaker 2: 35:59

How about you, sir?

Speaker 3: 36:01

Mine, I would say communication. You're in constant communication with God. God knows you, god knows what you're about and knows your flaws and your strengths and your weaknesses. Express those strengths and weaknesses to your spouse.

Speaker 4: 36:20

Don't be afraid, be vulnerable.

Speaker 3: 36:25

It's hard for a lot of us to do, to be vulnerable. We want our spouse or girlfriend to think that we're strong enough to handle anything and everything, and that we're perfect and we don't have any flaws.

Speaker 4: 36:34

And sometimes you have to tell your spouse the hard things about themselves and you have to be humble enough to accept okay, this is, you know, they are your mirror pretty much. Oh say that again.

Speaker 2: 36:46

They're your mirror, he's not there when you say that.

Speaker 4: 36:49

Your spouse is your mirror for real, and they're not. When they give you these criticisms, it's a constructive meaning building criticism.

Speaker 1: 36:58

Because you're building a life together.

Speaker 4: 36:59

You're building a life, the bricks, you know Right. Say it lovingly.

Speaker 2: 37:04

Say it lovingly yeah you know, say it lovingly and with patience and humility and compassion and integrity.

Speaker 4: 37:14

One thing that I've learned from him which I'm not a yelly person or a naggy person, but he taught me that men don't like all that. And my son, he's 20 now he's about to be 21. You know, like you know, I'm mama, so now I've learned to quiet, let daddy do it. You know, whatever Corey tell that boy you know, so he'll listen to his dad sooner than me, because they just eh.

Speaker 2: 37:39

I think they hear our voice so much.

Speaker 1: 37:42

Sometimes you need to hear the same information from a different voice so you can take it in.

Speaker 4: 37:46

Thank you.