Useful English Phrases for Difficult Conversations [589]

🚨 If you use English at work, these phrases matter.  These are the only English phrases I allow my private students to use at work, and the ones I tell them to stop using.  👉 Download the PDF (€9): https://www.englishlessonviaskype.com/workphrases-podcast

In this episode, you’ll learn useful phrases for moments when you feel shocked, disappointed, angry, or need to respond to someone directly. The focus is on real spoken English for situations where something has gone wrong and you need the right words.

You’ll hear how to express disbelief, show disappointment, ask someone to apologise, calm a situation down, and respond firmly when necessary. These phrases will help you understand stronger English expressions and use them more carefully in real conversations.

After listening, you’ll be able to:

• express strong feelings more clearly
 • respond in tense situations with more confidence
 • sound firm without losing control
 • understand direct English phrases when other people use them

If you want to improve your spoken English for real-life situations, this episode will help.

If you often hesitate, make mistakes, or feel unsure when speaking English, book a trial lesson. We assess your level, correct you clearly, and give you a focused plan so you know exactly what to improve. 

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If you prefer to study on your own, explore our online courses. They give you structured lessons to build stronger grammar, clearer pronunciation, and more confident speaking step by step

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Transcript

Speaker: 0:09

Hi there. This is Harry. Welcome back to Advanced English to help you to get a better language, to help you with your business, English skills, goals are, we're here to help. And for those of you and your to one lessons, well, you know Just get in touch www.englishlessonviaskype.com and you can apply for a free trial lesson. And we'd be very happy to hear from you and very happy to help you. And in this advanced English lesson, we're taking a look at speaking tasks. And in particular, we're looking at advanced English useful speaking expressions for dealing with conflicts. Now, conflicts can arise in your business or your place of employment, or they can arise in the family. So I'll give you indications they are most appropriate. And I've divided them into And as I said, I'll go through them with you and I'll give you some examples. When somebody says something or there's some issue that has arisen in your place of employment or in the home, you might want to express some disbelief. And disbelief is usually when can't believe it. You know, that type of an So that's what disbelief would So here's some useful We can say simply, oh, this is So perhaps when you open the post in the evening and there's a letter perhaps from one of your utility suppliers like gas or electricity, and you can see that the the bill has increased since the last time you got a bill by thirty, forty, fifty percent because of the cost of energy. So you will say, oh my God, this is beyond belief, meaning I just don't understand. I don't believe that the bill What happened? What did we do? Have we been leaving the lights Have we been putting the heating No, it's just the fact that energy costs have gone up and up and up. So this is beyond belief. So it just means you're just are seeing in the bill in front Another expression, where on Or where on earth did they get So again, some disbelief or some When something happens or you didn't expect them to get. So let me give you an example. So the expression we're looking get it from? Where on earth did they get it So that could be a problem in If you find out that your going to launch a new product, unfortunately, they've come out better product than you were And so there's a big meeting of chairman of the board, or the question, where on earth did Meaning who leaked the Or how did they get access to to launch a product? So where on earth did they get You could also use a very simple situation in the family, and I've seen it myself with my own kids. So perhaps they come home from there's a little bit of a fight. And then one of the children uses a particularly bad word or bad expression to the other child, and mum or dad are absolutely shocked. And so they look at each other Where on earth did they get it Meaning where did they pick up Or where did they get that And you look at each other a Perhaps you let it slip when you phone, or you let it slip when Or perhaps they just picked it up in the schoolyard, as kids do. So where on earth did they get Or where on earth did this come That could be something that it Yeah. Okay. So but it is a disbelief. Perhaps, uh, your partner finds twenty, thirty, forty years ago think, wow, I was so young then. Look at my hair. Look at my clothes. Where on earth did you get this So again, a little bit of disbelief that a photograph that you really hadn't seen for such a long time, you'd forgotten about, it turns up out of the blue. Okay. And another expression in this I'm lost for words. So very simple statement. I'm lost for words. And literally what it means is you have nothing to say because either you're completely surprised, you're completely shocked, or you just are flabbergasted that somebody would say or do what they had done. And so you've got no words to Yeah. Now, it could be in a very, very So you get you have a big or fortieth or fiftieth, And your friends and colleagues are known to you club their money together. Everybody chips in and they present you with this amazing, amazing present that you really didn't expect. And when you open the box or you you're completely shocked. And the first thing you say is, I'm lost for words. What can I say? So you just look at the gift in disbelief because something that you always wanted but couldn't afford. But there your friends have extra special birthday. So you're lost for words. But you can also say lost for As I said, if you get a surprise weren't expecting, so perhaps Or perhaps you're told you're going to be made redundant, or the you get a letter of demand from the bank about your loan or your mortgage that they want it repaid. So of course, these would be all shocking situations, really things that you would look at in disbelief. So yeah, you would always be So you open the letter or the What can I say? This just wasn't something that So again, something that has Okay, so here we're expressing Okay, so three particular This is beyond belief. Where on earth did they get it Or where on earth did they get Okay. Or where on earth did this come So variations of that particular expression and then I'm lost for words or I'm completely lost for words. If you want to give it a little bit more oomph, a little bit more underline or a little bit more emphasis on the point, okay. Now if we want to express anger and of course, you all know what anger is. Anger is when we get annoyed or. When something doesn't go the Yes. So you you express anger. So what expressions or phrases Well, one we can use. It's a disgrace. So that's a little bit muted and strong as some might be. But it's a it's a good way to It's a disgrace that the local this town with a big road. What are the shopkeepers going There'll be no visitors coming going to lose trade. It's a disgrace that they're going to build that big monstrosity of an office block right on the outskirts of the city, right near to the the park. There will be a big shadow over the park for many hours during the day. It's a disgrace. So you're expressing your anger made by the local government, or whole country decide to increase is suffering from high it's a disgrace. What are we supposed to do? It's bad enough that our match inflation, but now we're percent tax instead of twenty instead of thirty five. It's a disgrace. So you're really, really angry. Now, if you get a letter that down your request for something, something better, but it doesn't be a little bit angry. And your first reaction might be on your mobile phone and ring Okay. So when you call to that person, express my disappointment. So it's very, very polite. Okay. But it will express your anger you weren't expecting to happen. So let's say you have applied to house and you want to put your schools so that when they're old attend that school because it's home, and it would be a perfect But when you make the an email and it tells you that So what do you do? You get on the phone or pick up You ring the office of the school and you ask to speak to the head of the school or whoever's responsible for admissions. And the first thing you say is, disappointment in your decision our children to your school. So you go into a big explanation appropriate, given where you're school, blah, blah, blah. Okay, so you're expressing your disappointment by through the phone call. Okay. You could also be calling somebody to express the disappointment That you didn't get the job that you were hoping to get. But what can you do? You can just ring up and say, look, I really thought I was a good candidate. You know, I put forward a good I understand it's your decision, but I'm just calling to express my disappointment. However, if things change and available in the company, I you could consider me for that. Okay, so a little bit of anger, but also you want to make sure that you don't burn any bridges, meaning you have an opportunity to go back to that company if another position becomes available. So I'm calling to express my Number three, words cannot express my horror or words cannot express my shock at the news. So again, this is a little bit more, um, emotion in this particular expression. So when we use something like words cannot express my horror, usually something bad has happened. Now it could be something that with, and perhaps it's a serious you're living in the country, or shocking is happening and you and you just say, well, look. Words cannot express my horror I really can't understand why the government permit this to happen. So it could be something like on crime and mass shootings and And of course, we are shocked and horrified when we hear and read that news because we wouldn't like it to happen near our homes. And we certainly wouldn't like our children are in attendance. So if we're discussing it with oh, words cannot express my Words cannot express my shock because of this news. So again, we are indicating our anger at the way events have unfolded. Okay, so you can use it in many, Perhaps a big company in the They decided because they're that are cheaper goods coming in So they decided, regrettably, their manufacturing out to Asia. So they've put all of the end of the year, they're going office, and that's it. So, you know, when you see what impact it's going to have on your own family, on your own location, on your own community, then of course, you are really angry. And perhaps there's going to be a meeting held of all of the residents to, to get an explanation as to why and what can, what can be done to change the situation. So you might stand up on behalf cannot express our shock or our received, that this company is involved in this community for It's going to be a real tragedy income, loss of jobs, how are we So this would be the type of And then finally, when we are whatever happened shouldn't have just lie down and take it, then it's totally unacceptable. So you're not going to accept It's totally unacceptable that loan so quickly. It's totally unacceptable that you're going to make the children work an extra hour in school. So instead of leaving school at leave school at four thirty. Yeah, that's going to change It's going to make it later. When they get home from school, evening doing their homework. They're going to be more tired So there's lots of implications So the parents get together and management of the school to say, these changes were introduced any way of communicating this So it's totally unacceptable. You can also use it in an office environment in many, many situations. You know, the standard of somebody's work might be totally unacceptable. So they say, look, regrettably, continue your contract because quality of your work is totally Or indeed, there could be a somebody, a doctor, a nurse, an position of authority, and they So they might get a message from the management of that company to say, your behaviour is totally unacceptable. And therefore we are putting you again, well, then we'll have no or you will be your contract Yeah. Okay. So these are quite harsh words where people might be a little bit angry. Okay. So expressing anger, we can say I'm calling to express my that you have made. Words cannot express my horror It's totally unacceptable that. Okay. Now when we want to answer So there is some criticism about what we do, how we do it, where we go. So when people are not so happy So how do we answer that type of So here's some expressions that Let's not jump to conclusions. So somebody has some information and they interpret it in one way. You might interpret it in a So to try and take the heat out of the situation and to try and give time for people to consider it properly, you might say, well, look, let's not jump to conclusions. Just because we got this letter Okay? So let's not jump to So when we jump to conclusions, that might be based on only half And really what we need to do is wait until we get all of the information or both sides of the argument, and in that situation, then we are better able to to judge it. So let's not jump to conclusions to him about it. Okay, so perhaps you've heard a rumor that your manager is going to resign. Okay. But you've only it's only a He hasn't told you that. So the board or the management that he hasn't told, or she going to leave. And you might say, well, look, It's only a rumor. Has he told us or has she told Well, if they haven't, well then it from the horse's mouth? Meaning wait until they tell us going to do, and then we can can take some decisions. So let's not jump to There is no need to raise your This is a great expression to really excited or really angry. Okay, look, let's just calm There's no need to raise your I can hear you clearly. And when you speak calmly, well, then it comes out much more clearly. And this is a nice way to keep So they come home from school. Something's happened. A row with a best friend. Problem with the teacher. Some misunderstanding. And they're all excited. And they start shouting and So to take the steam or the heat say, look, there's no need to Just sit down. Deep breaths and tell me very clearly, very calmly what exactly happened. So there's no need to raise your And if somebody starts shouting usually to try and take control Then you might just say, look, I'm not shouting, so there's no need for you to raise your voice to me. Okay, next. If we are deliberately or very, what somebody has said, and we or position to speak to us in a quite clearly, clearly say to talk to me like that. You've got no right to say that. You've got no right to do that. So you can use it in different It really has the same meaning. So you've got no right to talk You've got no right to say you've got no right to do that. So how might we use it? Well, of course it could be somebody in the office who tells you what they think of you, but they don't use very nice language. So you could quite easily say you've no right to say that to me. If you don't like what I've done, fine, tell me and we can discuss it. But there's no reason and no So you have no right to say that Or if somebody comes and they just throw something on your desk, you have no right to do that. You can't just come and throw There's a way to approach to do it. So there's no you have no right right to do something like that. And where something happens and somebody is in the wrong and you really, really feel strongly about it, then you can simply say, I think you owe me an apology. So somebody accused you of I think you owe me an apology. Somebody is looking for the report that you were sent, and you actually did send it, but they didn't see it in their inbox. And they come out and say, I me by Friday. Where is it? I have I sent it to you on Here's a copy. So I think you owe me an Yeah, because you've been But in fact, you didn't look carefully enough at your inbox, so I think you owe me an apology. And we can also use this expression again with the kids where they got a little bit excited. You know, the way kids are, you Their pocket money's all spent the to play pool or whatever, So they start ranting and raving And then when they calm down, look, that's not the way we You couldn't go, okay? You spent all your money. That's not my fault. So I think you owe me an You don't have to. And you have no right to talk to And that's the best way to deal with the kids when they've calmed down. And then you can perhaps about their behaviour. That that's not the way it That's not the way we expect you So I think you owe me an Or if there's brothers and shouting, and one sibling takes perhaps they break it or they it and the other's quite upset. So you, as the parent, have to and act as the peace broker. Then you might say to the Don't you think you owe your Don't you think you owe your I mean, would you like that to Would you like it if something asking and then lost it, or No. You wouldn't. So don't you think you should Don't you think you owe your Now, something which is really, you know, something that we when could say, and there's no You failed miserably. Yeah. So it's not only that you failed, but you have failed miserably. That was just a poor, poor So you get the letter first that comes into the post box, and when you open it, you can see the results of your son or daughter. And it's not just a bad result, it's a really, really bad result. So what can you do? So you sit down with the kids easy way to put it. You've failed miserably. Yeah. So you told us that you had You told us that you had really But look at these results. I mean, it's it's really And you're going to have to do In some cases, you might even So you've failed miserably at So it's very, very sharp So so when you're dealing with a situation where somebody accuses you of doing something, perhaps their attempts to try and get you annoyed or angry doesn't work. And you could say to them, well, if that's what you were trying to do, if you're trying to upset me, if you're trying to force me to resign, if you're trying to get me to say something, well, I'm afraid you've failed miserably. I don't get upset that easily. I think I'm right. I believe you're in the wrong, So if you were trying to get some other reaction from me, then I think you have failed miserably. You haven't succeeded in what So failed miserably means you Okay. All right. So when you're answering criticism, they're the sort of expressions you might be able to use. Let's not jump to conclusions. There is no need to raise your You've got no right to say that. You've got no right to do that. I think you owe me an apology. Don't you think you should And then you failed miserably. Okay. Now, next. If we want to take some action. So what sort of expressions about taking some action? Well, first of all, if we're we can use expressions like, I investigating this situation. Okay, so that sounds very, very Yeah. Okay. So it could be in the school. The director or manager of the been going wrong, that some of similar results in their exams, that they've been cheating. But the the exam results are so three tests that really, really about the results. So the director or the head of the school calls all of these teachers together and said, okay, look, I think there's something happening here and I think we really need to look at this. So I have every intention of And if there's any sign of any cheating, well, then we're going to have to take some serious action. So I have every intention of investigating means I'm going to look at and look into this, and I'm going to look into it quite seriously. Okay, so I have every intention So strong words. But, you know, they followed up So managers in companies can if something's gone missing, missing and somebody's been Or perhaps some information activities have been leaked to leaked to the competition. So the manager, on behalf of the board of directors, has to tell people that we've every intention of investigating the situation. And if anybody is guilty of deliberately leaking information to the journalists or to our competition, well then it would be looked on very, very seriously indeed. So I have every intention of Okay, then, let's move on then So the next one I have for you is I'm warning you, there will be consequences. Okay, so remember we're talking So conflict is when there's a dispute, we try to find some And if we can, we can try and find it in a peaceful sort of way. But sometimes it doesn't always So I'm warning you, there will So for example, if there is a property and the tenant refuses maybe he thinks that you owe him the condition of the the house what it should be. So he stops paying the rent and look, you signed the contract, If you've got a problem in relation to some aspect of it, come and talk to me and we'll try and resolve the problem together. But you can't refuse to pay the going to have to issue an to be difficult. So I'm warning you, there will to refuse to pay the rent. So this is your perhaps final Or indeed, if you've refused to pay parking fines or speeding fines, and you've been getting letters from the local council and there's a definite a conflict. You think that it wasn't you driving the car or you think it wasn't? There was no sign about no Well, then, of course you can But you might get a very strongly worded letter from the council, the corporation or the local government, or indeed even the police. And the letter will say, we are warning you that there will be consequences, severe consequences, if you continue to refuse to refuse to pay these fines. So you might end up in court, situation in front of the local So I'm warning you, there will Now, when we want to have a it's always great when we can feel they've benefited. And this is what we call a win win situation where both sides win. So perhaps you're having a dispute with a client over your contract. Perhaps there's a dispute over the fees that are being charged, and perhaps the client isn't happy that you increase the fees without notification that he was expecting. So he's refusing to pay the You're refusing to send the So nobody's happy. You're not getting paid, and that he hoped to get. So you try to come to some some accommodation of of each resolve the conflict. So somebody puts forward a suggestion then, well, perhaps we'll pay half of the fees up front now and then when you deliver the products and we're happy with them, then immediately we'll pay the other half. So that looks like a situation So that's what we would describe Both parties are happy. Win win. Okay. You could have a dispute or a conflict in your home with your kids. Yeah. They want to go out a couple of nights of the week with their friends. Who doesn't? Yeah. They you don't want them to go the next morning. And you know, the situation they you have to drag them out of the bed. They don't do their homework So you try to negotiate or discuss it with the kids and say, okay, look, you can go out, but only on a Friday evening and Saturday evening, Monday to Thursday, you have to stay at home. Sunday. You have to stay at home because you've got school the following day. So Friday and Saturday. But you have to be home at a So the kids accept that. Okay. So for both parties, the parents call win win, win win situation. End of the conflict. And finally, when somebody comes up with a an idea that will end conflict, then you can simply say, well, that's really positive. It's a good suggestion. I look into this and if we can accept it and it works, then I'll come back to you very quickly and perhaps we can just move on. So it's a good way in how you can make a suggestion to the person that you're in conflict with that. Yeah. Their suggestion is actually not You think it will work? Perhaps there might need to be a few little changes here and there, but overall it's a good suggestion. And I look into this. So a nice positive end to the Okay, so here someone's making They are they have every intention of investigating what has happened. They're warning you that there consequences of their actions. More positively, the suggestion both sides or simply. It's a good suggestion. And you promise or you undertake Okay. Okay. Let's finally look at responding And we've got two ways here. We've got a negative way to Okay. So let's take the negative first So let's take the situation where you're getting bombarded with emails and letters and calls and texts about some new wonderful broadband connection or something to do with the internet. And they're bundling all these just really, really fed up. You don't understand it. You don't want to change. You're happy with the provider So finally, you either right, or say, look, I'm not interested. And I would really appreciate it about this again. So that's really telling them, I want no more emails. I want no more texts. I want no more calls. If I want to change, I will But if I want to change, I will You don't need to bombard me. So this is a very, very straight I'm not interested, and I would to contact me about this again. Full stop. End of story. Go away and leave me alone. That's exactly what it means. Now, on a more positive way, you hear more about this. I don't really have the time at appreciate it if you could send So that's a much more positive approach, but it's only a positive approach if you really want to hear about it and you really want to get some information, perhaps it's a new model car that you're looking at. So yeah, I'd like to hear about I don't have the time at the appreciate it if you could send So a positive way of responding which we can respond to offers. Okay, so what we've been looking will help your speaking. And these are expressions and you're talking about different And they can be conflict in your They can be conflict with your They can be conflict from a them you can amend and adjust. So you know the drill by now you If you have any problems, you You can contact me on Very happy to hear from you. Very happy to provide you with some more information and some more examples where they're appropriate. Okay, so this is Harry thanking you for watching, thanking you for listening. And just to remind you, join me