SOLO SESH: Meet New People & Expand Your Circle

Friendship breakup was the best thing that ever happened to me. File THAT under things I recently said that shocked me. This week it's just you and me baby, and we're diving deep into relationship building 101. More specifically, how to make friends and grow community wherever you're at. Whether or not you're in transition, moved to a new city, or just in need to hit refresh on your relationships this episode is one you won't want to miss.

On this episode we're chatting:

• circles of closeness
• friendship breakups
• making friends
• growing community
• uplevling
• your "top 5" 
• taking relationship inventory

Mentioned Resources
Rockbottom to Uplevel: Listen Here 🎙️

📥 Download Monthly Archetype Template
💌 Subscribe to the Sealed List Newsletter
💘 Let's be internet friends!!

•  @thebedside 
• www.thebedside.co

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Transcript

Tatiana Fogt (00:01)
This is Bedside, a podcast series on a mission to debunk sex. I'm your host Tatiana, and each week we uncover stories, ideas, and expert information to help guide you on your ever-evolving journey of deep love, relationships, and good sex. Oh, and a little bit of manifestation sprinkled in there too.

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Bedside Podcast. I'm your host Tatiana, welcome. I'm so excited to have you here. Happy Wednesday. Today I am bringing you a solo sesh. These have become just such a fun part of my rollout these days. I feel like I am getting more comfortable doing solo seshes. Not that I'm uncomfortable doing them, but.

I've just been having more fun integrating them into the queue. So I'm really excited to bring you an episode today all about the idea of building community and making friendships. So to backtrack a little bit, I was inspired to do this podcast episode because I would say honestly, well over a year now, my Quickies co-host and I, Amanda Blair, did an episode together all about friendship breakups. And I was really excited.

thinking about how since that time in my life when I did go through a really big friendship breakup, how far I've come. And honestly, in a way, how I've made that experience into almost a superpower of mine for connecting with community, for making friendships, for building friendships. And you know, when you have a moment in your life when someone points something out and you're like, oh yeah, I did do that.

Um, kudos. It kind of like sometimes takes someone from another vantage point to maybe point something out about you that you might have just brushed off or not given much air time. And so the other week I had my landlord in my house and there was just like a plumbing issue and she came in and we got to chatting. And what's so cute is actually this unit in particular was a unit that

her and her husband's family used to actually live in. What's really cool is my unit was built by a family of architects. And so the particular place that I am in was actually the family's unit. So they built this and like, it's a little bit more different and customized for them and their family. So she really loves this place and...

It means a lot to their family. And honestly, just like side note, I used to live in New York City and I feel like my landlords never gave a shit about where I lived. And so it was just so expansive moving to Los Angeles and I happened to move into a building where it was like family run and owned and they care so much about it. And so it's been just such an awesome experience to be in a space like this. So anyways, she was in the unit and...

I was like, oh, I forgot to tell you that I hosted a really fun birthday party in this space and I ended up just showing her all of the pictures from my birthday back in, we celebrated in November. My birthday is actually in October, but we had a little bit of a belated celebration in November, 11-11 to be exact. So I showed her all of the pictures because we hired a private chef team to come in. I

went and picked up all this amazing rental furniture. We totally took out basically all the furniture in my living room and put these amazing like long tables and I did really fun table settings. As a side note, I really feel like I manifested that birthday for myself. I loved hosting that event and I feel like I kind of switched something in my brain where I was like, you know what, I can throw myself an amazing event and an amazing party and I will.

but that's a story for another time, but that was just really, really fun for me to do. And I was really excited to show her how we converted the space and she was so excited. And then it was really cute. We were just like exchanging like details. And then she was just like, I'm really proud of you and Connor, my boyfriend. She was like, I'm really proud of you guys for how quickly you have managed to make such cool friendships and community.

in the area for only having lived here for like three years. And that comment meant so much to me. I was like, thank you so much. Yeah, we've definitely put in a good amount of effort to do so. And it just made me realize, holy shit, yeah, we really have fucking put in the work. And I feel like it came out of an experience that was kind of shitty. I'll go into a little bit of that story. And how it really.

transformed into becoming a superpower for myself. And listen, whether or not you are somebody who has recently moved, you're going through transition, you're in a friendship breakup yourself, you're going through heartbreak, I don't know, maybe you're just ready for kind of that next level version of yourself. I hope that this advice really inspires you because regardless of our positions that we're in, we can always have the ability to change our circumstances and seek.

something better and we shouldn't feel guilty for seeking something great out of what is already maybe good. And so I feel like that's kind of a bit of the moral of my story or maybe where my story begins. So when I moved to Los Angeles, I had kind of a built-in friend group. So when I lived in New York City, a lot of my life in New York was an extension of college because I went to school in upstate New York.

Then I just immediately moved to New York City. I grew up in the Tri-State area right outside of Philadelphia. Like New York was not a new thing for me. I've always had a network there. I've always had connections there. And then going to school in the same state just was an easy segue. So I felt like moving to New York was no biggie. I just immediately had kind of this extension of connections. And so it was really fun. I felt like living there was not real life.

I definitely didn't feel like I was in my adult self, not saying that you need to be when you move to a city, but you know, it was just kind of like an extension of like my party girl era. I was thriving in New York City. I was scraping by in the best way possible, and it was really, really fun. And then when we decided that we were gonna move to Los Angeles, I feel like I just was ready for a change. I kind of had outgrown the city in a way. I was seeking something new, and we were really excited to move out here. And...

When I moved out to Los Angeles, I had kind of a group of friends that were connected to my New York City friends. They were particularly a group of girlfriends that I saw as best friends. And I was excited to move because I was like, oh, this is gonna be easy. I have a community and like it will blossom from there. Little did I know that was not gonna be the case.

If you're curious to hear a little bit more about kind of like my journey, I go really, really into detail in an episode about my, from rock bottom to up level. I'll link it in the show notes, but this is really where I kind of had a huge transformation, if you will. And when I came to Los Angeles, I realized that these friends might have been better friends long distance, but

I was ready for this next evolution of self where maybe these weren't the people. And I was kind of like having these questions, right? I was like, maybe these aren't the people in real life that I actually want to be around. I can't remember who said this. I feel like it's kind of a saying that goes around, but you are an accumulation of the five people you spend the most time with. And I

fully believe in that. And when I look back to that time, and I think I remember even hearing that saying at the time, I remember kind of being like, oh, shit. I am an accumulation of the five people I am interacting with. And listen, this includes your coworkers and your bosses, right? Like it's not even just the relationships that you choose. It's sometimes the ones that you are in the circumstance of being around. So

taking inventory of the people in your life is so damn important because they do reflect on who you are and who you get to mirror yourself as. It's not me saying like, oh, you are these people. It's just saying like, these are the people that you are bouncing your interactions off of. You are staring them in the eye, you are chatting with them over dinner, and you guys are reflecting one another. Have you ever had like, you're sitting in a conversation with someone and like, it just feels fucking electric. You're like, oh my

Gosh, we are just in sync. This feels good. I feel amazing. You feel amazing. That is when you are in, you are mirroring the best of one another in a dynamic. And so I remember coming to Los Angeles and hanging out with this group of friends and being like, oh, this actually feels like kind of the opposite. And I am leaving a lot of these interactions feeling drained.

and I just moved to a new city and I'm feeling really excited to kind of like start my new chapter, you know, make new connections. And I just kind of had this like inner knowing where I was just like, I don't think this is it. And I would say for me, and I would think this is a good like telltale sign for anybody who might be questioning certain relationships in your life is like, how do you feel when you leave that interaction? And I just remember feeling so

drained and soul sucked. And I actually just remember feeling like, oh, I feel like I'm the cheerleader for everybody in this dynamic and people are relying on me for the positivity, but it's actually kind of an energy vampire is what I'm experiencing in this dynamic of girls. I feel like I am being like sucked dry of all of my high vibes, whatever it might be.

and I'm not getting anything in return. And so that's when it just feels like it's draining instead of this reciprocation of energy and whatever it is that you bring to the table. And so I just remember having this clear moment of like, this is not it. And then on top of it, I think this is what also catapulted me into a big journey of being like, yo girl, trust yourself and trust your intuition because

I feel like I was getting these little knocks at the door, the metaphorical door being like, it's time to move on, it's time to move on. But what really put the nail in the coffin was that this entire group of girls decided to plan a girls' trip and exclude me, do it without me. And they all planned a trip to go to Hawaii and then they just basically didn't invite me. And one of the girls ended up kind of

telling me that they were all gonna go on this trip, but there was never like an offer. But I think it was kind of her like empathetic, like last pull to be like, hey, like I just wanna let you know this is happening just so you know. And I swear to God, like that was the moment everything came crumbling down. And not to sound dramatic, but that is probably what spiraled me into a lot of kind of the, as I mentioned,

in the episode that I'm linking below, a lot of my rock bottom and then what helped like this journey into my up level, if you will, into my kind of transformation and where I am today. I would truly not change a single thing in that narrative. I feel like everything happens on a divine timeline. Everything happens for a reason. And I am so happy that this happened because sometimes you just need it to be so abundantly clear, right? Like I was getting the notification that it was time to move on, but I really needed.

the memo. And so I think what was great was too, I was lucky to be in a scenario where these weren't kind of my only circle of friends. These were like a very specific circle. And I was blessed to have a, you know, a couple other close friends who don't necessarily live near me, but are just my lifelines, right? Like they are my core. I'll go into kind of like circles of closeness in a minute, but they are my core. And so I was kind of able to

have support around me, rely on the other amazing, beautiful relationships that I have. I ended up going into like a lot of therapy over this, which was so beautiful, and I kind of went through all of the emotions of it all. And I realized that not only was that the biggest blessing, but...

Now, really, this has given me almost a superpower in terms of building relationships and not just any relationships, building quality and intentional relationships in my life. Because I think up until then, if I'm going to be fully transparent with you, like if I look back to kind of like my inner child wounding and where I feel like I was overcompensating was a lot of my life.

I was an ultra social butterfly, which has been amazing. I think it's definitely like a core part of my identity. But when I look back to it, you know, there's a layer to the cake that is a bit of overcompensation in the past. I would say that's not the case anymore. But at that moment in my life, that was the case. And it was really because I, you know, was looking for relationships as a way of self-validation, as a way of buffering. And I think when you do look to moments of being in

middle school or high school, a lot of people do that. It's the more is more method, right? Like having more people at the lunch table is better than having none. And so I think like that was a lot of my mentality up until then was just like collecting relationships and dynamics and maybe they weren't always the healthiest at the time or maybe it was fine at the moment, but they weren't connections that I was gonna take with me and later into life, right? And so I had to do a really major audit.

and really kind of assess for myself, well, what does it mean to have intentional relationships? And when I was going through those big friendship breakups, I was able to kind of see so clearly why there were such beautiful relationship dynamics that I already had in my life that were preexisting and really see the value in them and put so much more of my energy into them, right? Instead of being so spread thin, really focusing on those beautiful, potent, amazing magnetic relationships that are there

hair about so deeply and that are mutual, right? Like we have that mirroring effect with one another where when we connect, it is just this mutual celebration. There isn't this like sucking dry of energy or secretly behind the scenes talking shit, right? Like all of those things that can so often happen in dynamics, right? That's just like the reality of how certain relationships play out. And so anyways,

This then became almost my universal assignment. And when I moved to LA, and then when I ended up kind of detaching myself from this group, I realized, okay, I am really eager to hit restart, hit reset in the best way. And like I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, like my example right now is a little bit extreme. I think like I needed a bit of a rude awakening.

in my personal scenario, but you can also not necessarily need to have a life altering shift to be able to navigate beautiful and intentional relationships in your life. And so what I urge everybody to do is to look at their circles of closeness when it comes to relationships. So I think some people call this ring theory, I refer to it as kind of like circles of closeness.

Amanda, my Quickies co-host talks about this a lot too, where you almost have these like rings and imagine yourself at the center of the rings. And then there are like kind of like rings growing outside of this center of self. So it's you at the center, you being the most important relationship in your life. I fully believe this. I don't think ring theory puts you as the center. They put kind of like your most intimate person in the center of the ring, but.

My little annotation to circles of closeness is that you are always at the center. You are the most important relationship in your life that you'll ever have. You are the most guaranteed longest relationship that you will ever have is with yourself. And then I also fundamentally believe that when we are fulfilling our own relationship with self, we are able to outpour into others. And so that to me is the most important. And then right outside of those rings, and these are not like rings of hierarchy, it's just rings of closeness. Okay.

So you are gonna be the closest to yourself. Then you have your most intimate relationships. Think of those people being your, maybe your spouse or who you are romantically involved with or your closest friends. Sometimes I think of this person, I think Amanda says it, that this is kind of your person in crisis. Like if something's gone awry, who are you calling in the middle of the night? Then out from that is usually your close...

friends, so not like your immediate core, but like very close friends. Then it goes to acquaintances slash community, and then it goes to bystanders and onlookers. So I urge everybody listening to kind of just take this ring theory, the circles of closeness into consideration and where you almost feel different levels of fulfillment. Now listen.

your rings and circles of closeness are always changing. Sometimes you have a close friend that is moving more to an acquaintance. Sometimes you have an acquaintance that's moving more to an intimate relationship, right? Like relationships ebb and flow as they should. Nothing is fixed in relationships. And I think when we can have a little bit more flexibility around that, that gives us a lot of freedom. But what I want everybody to consider is

where they feel fulfilled in their current circles of closeness and where they're feeling lack. And so in my scenario from a couple years ago when I was going through this big friendship breakup, as I explained, I felt like I did actually have some of those core intimate relationships, but because I moved to a new city, I was lacking those closer friendships that might be more close in proximity.

I was missing acquaintanceships, coworkers, I was missing community, and so this felt like a really big void for me, as you know, it's normal, especially when you move to a new place and when you are in transition. So for me, I really had to assess, okay, where maybe I feel fulfilled, let's take a look at...

what actually feels lacking and how can we actually make more space for that. So I want you to consider just in your own life where you're feeling different levels of fulfillment in your circles of closeness. Maybe you're seeking an intimate partner, maybe you are seeking close friends, maybe you are seeking community. And just take inventory, take that into account because that is where we can begin to make these shifts. I think...

Instead of looking at our lives, right? Like I could have looked at this friendship breakup and been like my entire life is falling apart. I have no friends, right? That could have been a narrative that I said to myself. And when I was able to almost frame it into these different categories, I was actually able to realize, you know what? This is significant. This does hurt. I'm not gonna bypass this, but it doesn't mean that every single great relationship has been stripped from me.

And so that is where I want us to kind of differentiate things, compartmentalize things, if you will, because saying these blanket statements can be really unfair to ourselves. And so I decided, you know what? At this point in time, I think these intimate, close relationships that I am hoping to continue building and creating and making for myself are a goal, but I...

I have a few of those right now. I feel fulfilled. I know that those will continue to grow and evolve over time. New people will come in over time. What I really want to actually do is focus on building community and just meeting new people in this city that I'm at. And so that's where I was at. And even if you're not in a new city or you've been living somewhere for a while, I think this is such an important muscle to exercise. I have such an amazing friend, one of my best friends,

really changed my perspective on this. And I don't even know if she knows how much of this impacted me when she said this, but she was like, Tati, I have friends in every decade. And when she told me this and was kind of like explaining how she's really close with one of her neighbors, who's like in his nineties, and then she's friends with, you know, someone in their sixties or fifties, who is like in her soccer league, right? Like, I was like, oh my gosh, this is such a great...

motto because I think up until then I was still, I wasn't, I was really hanging out with people who were my age and maybe were in the phase of life that I was in, but I wasn't allowing myself the opportunity to expand outside of myself. I wasn't granting myself the opportunity to meet vibrant people of all ages and experiences. And I feel like when I changed that mindset for myself, I opened up the door even for more mentorship and

really as a lot of like the TBM dialogue says, expanders in my life, right? Like looking to people who are maybe decades ahead of me and being like, yes, that is what I'm calling in for myself. And so I really began with seeing the void for me being in community. And so I think that's the first place that I really wanna start with everybody today is when it comes to building relationships, regardless of where you are at in your life.

I think it's always amazing to exercise becoming a part of your community. And to me, it was very much lockdown times when this happened for me. So it was kind of harder to do some of the things that we normally would be doing in our everyday lives and that we're up to these days. So for me, I was like, okay, I am gonna find an activity and a hobby that is gonna allow me to meet new people in a safe way. And so I decided to look at the...

passions in my life that I had from childhood and see what those things were that brought me joy and how I actually wanted to bring that into my adult life. I think up until that point too, I was in that void of my life where I had forgotten a lot of the things that used to bring me joy and I was following a lot of what other people were doing instead of bringing more intentionality to how I followed my joy and my desires in the everyday.

And so I decided to look back to the things that brought me so much joy. And one of those things that I loved to do growing up was play tennis. And so I ended up joining a tennis group, a clinic. And from there, that was probably one of the most potent first things that I did that allowed me to meet just the community, the people in my area. And per my note, a moment ago, they're people of all ages.

And it made me so excited to just meet all of these different people and have fun and play and be in our pleasure around just getting outside, getting our endorphins going and having camaraderie. And I feel like that was such an opening into just showing myself that I can find connection wherever I go.

And I want to urge you guys that as you're listening to this, just take inventory and take note of what were some of the things that used to bring you joy. Maybe think to your inner child or even your inner teenager. You guys, I used to be somebody as a teenager who would collect all different magazines. I'd get all the Vogue's and I'd scatter them on my bedroom floor and rip out pages and cut and collage and make these amazing.

mood boards and vision boards. And to this day, any listeners who listen to the show consistently know that I integrate vision boarding into my lifestyle. This is how I manifest. This is how I bring in calling in my highest self on a monthly basis. And how did I get to doing this? I just did what I always do. Right. And I went back to my roots of how to show up. And so I want you to

brought you joy and in what ways can you find that as an outlet within your community? Maybe you're someone who's super artistic and you sign up for an art class. I have on my list actually currently, like I really want to show up to a pottery class. I've had a couple friends tell me about these different classes in my area and I've been so eager to just do that and be a beginner again, right? Like not be so serious about things. I think.

many of us can kind of get intimidated because we're like, maybe we're not that good, right? I was so, I was shaking in my pants when I showed up at tennis for the first time because I hadn't picked up a tennis racket since I was 16 or 17 years old. And guys, guess what? I still play with that tennis racket from when I was 17. And so it took me getting over myself to just be like, show the fuck up and listen, you don't have to be that good.

You know, I had the fear in the back of my head, oh my God, what if everybody's better? What if they make fun of me? What if I just hit the ball like three courts over and da da da. And I had this whole what if narrative in my head and then I show up and I'm like, oh my God, no one cares. And you know what? Not only does no one care where or how I hit the ball, I don't care where and how anyone around me hits the ball because I'm focused on my game and.

listen, it happens, we're here to do it socially, we're not here to do it professionally. That's something my coach always says. He's like, guys, it's social tennis. Like, don't take it so seriously. You're not gonna go pro now. We're like, you're right, you're right. So I want to say, give yourself permission to show up, to show up for the things that bring you joy that maybe formerly have brought you joy, and to do so, dropping the perfectionist narrative. Let's have fun with it, let's play.

let's get a little messy and just see where it takes us. And listen, am I best friends with every single person I play tennis with? No, but I have great acquaintanceship with a lot of people. Some people have become really close friends from that group that now have extended into other groups and other connections. So once you start, it all just takes time and from there it's a snowball effect. So...

That's that on showing up for community. To tail end off of that, I think another way that I began to show up for myself, and I kind of categorize this a little bit differently than following maybe those like things that used to light you up as a kid, but for me, a big thing was showing up in spaces around my wellness. So LA is like, of course known for being such a wellness culture, I get it. But I-

really am someone and I would categorize most people listening to this podcast as people who are just curious about their wellness and their well-being. And so for me, I took that as an opportunity for making connections. So I really showed up for the workout classes that I was curious about, you know, whether it was finding a yoga studio, a Pilates studio.

signing up for a gym. That's been huge. Just a gym membership and meeting the community around me. Other things around my wellness have been around my skincare. I've been on a really big hormonal acne journey and I went out of my way to find a support system around that. And so for me, I actually ended up taking this really great course for my hormonal health and met a lot of great people virtually. And then I ended up finding a facialist in my area who I...

had such a great connection with, she'll be on the podcast soon, you guys. I'm really, really excited to interview her and have her on. But I found a really great facialist that is now like a great friend of mine, right? And I made a connection through that. And so for me, like integrating community into how I stay well is so important. And I would like to also mention that from those connections that I've made exploring my wellness, I've been able to be like,

Oh, hey, you know, really making the first move, you guys, being like, okay, hi, I'm curious to explore this relationship essentially outside of this context. And so that's kind of how I've brought other relationships to like maybe more closer circles where, for example, with my facialist, I was like, hey, do you wanna go this yoga class with me? And she was like, yeah. And we both were like, we've never been, we've been wanting to get into yoga and making the first move and inviting someone on a friend date.

I did the same thing with one of my tennis friends. I was like, hey, do you want to go walk around this specific area that we've both been wanting to like explore? And so I've been able to take some of those relationships, you know, after a certain amount of time when I've been wanting to just naturally evolve them outside of that context and kind of making that first move. So I would say those were kind of my first two tips, showing up for the things that brought you joy and inspiration as a kid, showing up

in your wellness practices and how you can bring community into that. And then my other tip is all about saying yes. So a little bit of a story time for you. I feel like when you get really comfortable in your certain dynamics and your certain ways of being, it can be really easy to just stay in your routine.

And for me living in Los Angeles and coming from New York, I remember being really annoyed at the fact that it's just harder to get around here. Like I live on the East side of Los Angeles, getting to the West side can sometimes take up to an hour. And so I think particularly here, it's really easy to say no and stay in your routines. Like, let me paint it this way. I will have like weekends or like multiple consecutive days where I'm like, I have not left the certain radius of my neighborhood, which.

I know can be the case if even if you live in more of a bustling like city where it's easier to sprawl, but I know everybody can relate to that being like, uh, I have not really left like my confines for a minute. And so I always to this day practice just the art of showing up and saying yes. And listen, it's not because I'm here to like bypass how I'm feeling. I mean, I say no plenty of times. But when I get the opportunity.

and the invite, the invitation. I am a generator in human design, and I am someone who, like my design type, tees everything up basically to get the invitation to then say yes. And so since learning this about my human design even more, have exercised this in the way of just showing up for the invite. And so about two years ago now, I was invited to

this party and it was all the way at the beach on like the deep other side of town and it was a day party and it was with my boyfriend's best friend and this this new group of people that he was hanging out with and to be honest I was not that interested I was like

Um, I didn't want to drive to the way other end of town to like hang out with people drinking on the beach, right? Like I was like, maybe this is a little bit more of a nuanced scenario because I really want to be mindful about allowing you guys to say no. Because, for example, a lot of the relationships that I currently have in my life are around the values that I believe in. And at this point in my life, I've kind of just like outgrown day drinking and stuff.

I'm not that big of a drinker anymore and it's just a natural progression. I still love myself a good cocktail or glass of wine but I don't revolve a lot of my socializing around that. So I don't wanna say like bypass some of the values that you have because in a weird way, I feel like in other circumstances, this probably would have been a good opportunity to maybe say no to, but.

I actually was excited about this particular instance in a way because my boyfriend's best friend is someone who I love and adore and I really do trust a lot of people that he hangs out with so I knew there was going to be something kind of in there for us to do. So I don't want to paint this as like, oh my god, it was this crazy darty that was happening at the beach that I really was dragging my toes around.

If you're in that scenario and you're like, that does not hit my values, don't say yes to the invitation. But for me, I was like, okay, there's something here for me. I'm interested in going, but it's a little bit of a like, okay, I really have to commit. So anyways, I ended up going to this party and I conduct with this girl and we end up hitting it off and we end up then seeing each other the following day because this was my...

boyfriend's friend who was in town and there was like a lot going on so we were like making her to really hang out with him and I was like yeah I'll be at this other event tomorrow so I end up seeing her at this other thing and she like runs up to me at this other thing the next day and she's like oh my gosh I'm so happy you're here I was really worried that maybe you wouldn't show up because this was such a trek for you but like thank you for showing up I'm so happy like I really felt a connection and I was like oh wow this is incredible and so

Long story short, this is now one of my closest friends in Los Angeles. And it all happened because I showed up and I followed what felt good and what felt like a yes for me, right? Like I didn't have to show up that second day, but after that first day, I had so much fun that I was like, I'm really excited to continue hanging out with these people. From that connection, I have now connected with a lot of that group. I have a good amount of like friendships with-

those people who have then connected me to other people, who've then connected me to other people. And like now my boyfriend's best friend is engaged to this girl who intro'd us to like all these other people. Like it's so crazy how this all synced up and I continually always am like saying, yes, that day was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. And I know that's kind of like a very particular example, but.

even when there are different community events happening, someone invites me to come to their art show, someone invites me to come to their opening or their launch party or whatever it might be, I am always eager to say yes because I believe that every single time I have showed up to an event, I always leave with an important connection, an important relationship, acquaintanceship, or something that is opening up my world. And that...

reframe has just done wonders for me because I think I am someone who initially has a little bit of a resistance to those things, if I'm gonna be honest. Like, I am a Libra sun, which is all of the fun bubbly like social butterfly flirty things, but I am a Taurus moon and rising. And that means I'm such a homebody and I love my routines and I love my comfort and I love my

I really think sometimes it can be hard for me to stretch out, but when I changed my mentality around that, it literally opened my world tenfold. So I hope to impart a little bit of inspiration there for you as well, especially if you maybe find yourself in that space too, right? Being maybe a little bit resistant, comfortable in your routines. I urge you to be the person who follows.

those yeses and just allows yourself to maybe try something a little bit out of the routine. It's similar to a workout. Like I always say, I never regret a workout I do no matter how badly I'm dragging my toes at the beginning. I never regret a workout. I rarely regret saying yes to showing up. And I've learned that it has served me and my relationships tenfold. So there's a little bit of wisdom to impart. And then I would say the last thing that

in a way, and this is like totally not sponsored, I promise, but it reminded me of the idea of making the first move. I downloaded the BumbleBFF app. I just was like, you know what? I am gonna get over myself, and I made a profile, basically like a friend profile, and I uploaded a bunch of pictures of me doing the things that I love to do, hiking, playing tennis, getting coffee, going to see live music, right? Like I just curated a quick...

compilation of photos, wrote a profile description. This was a while ago, I haven't gone into the app, but I think I remember even in the description being like, hey, if we don't match, because you have to like match with people. I was like, hey, if we don't match, this is my Instagram handle, please DM me. So I made it even more accessible because I was like, I don't wanna judge a book by its cover. I am open to.

all types of friendships, all types of relationships. And if someone happens to see something in me and I didn't happen to connect with them, I still want to grant that opportunity. I still want to leave that door open. So I just left my Instagram handle. I was like, just DM me, like let's chat. And so I ended up making so many cool connections on the internet. So that one was through BumbleBFF, but even on Instagram in the past couple of years, it's been so cool to just DM people that I admire.

I would say honestly the podcast has been such a godsend in just how it's allowed me to network with people, other creative thinkers, other fun minds online and create real cool internet friendships and just community that way. And so I've truly been the person like to send a cold DM and listen, I've had plenty of people not respond back to me and that's okay. But do it anyways.

Practice that muscle and look, the worst thing that can happen is someone just doesn't get back to you. There's this one girl like I really admire her. I still like listen to her podcast all the time. I'm not going to share her name, but I've like DM'd her like two or three times being like we should hang and then I'm just like, okay, it's fine if she doesn't respond or if she doesn't even see the message who cares, right? But like I'm shooting my shot and so there's no shame in doing that and like I said, the worst thing that can happen is like maybe you just get ignored. But the best thing that can happen is

Hey, wow, yeah, I'm so freaking down. Do you wanna go grab a coffee, right? Or do you wanna like, you know, maybe you live in different states or in different countries or whatever. Do you wanna like catch a virtual coffee? Love doing stuff like that. Just meeting people and connecting is so brilliant. So anyways, to just round out this episode, I just wanna send you such a warm hug for wherever you are at, whether you're someone who's found themselves in...

similar shoes of having gone through a friendship breakup, or just someone who is eager to continue expanding their circle. Because I think now having kind of gone through this journey and really shown myself through on what it looks like to build lasting intentional relationships, to really foster them and to make it a muscle that I practice every single day, I'm like not going back. And so...

I just really hope that this helps you see a glimmer of possibility, a glimmer of opportunity around your circles of closeness and ways that you can give to yourself and live a life that you are so excited about and have people around you who you have this mutual celebration and excitement and zest for life for because every single person deserves that. And when

you begin to start doing that. You're going to see such a profound shift. It was really interesting because I was journaling the other day, kind of circling back to the idea that I presented at the beginning of this episode with how you're an accumulation of the five closest people around you. And I was journaling about this the other day and I was like, wow, I'm kind of obsessed with the five closest people around me because they keep me inspired

They keep me excited. They push me to be the best version of myself possible. And I truly could not say that a couple years ago. I truly could not say that a couple years ago. And I want that for all of us, because especially when we can begin to curate that for ourselves, we begin super speeding our lives. Like talk about quantum leaps. I mean, really, the people around you are intrinsically connected to that.

You know, we don't operate in this one vehicle and silo of being. We need the people around us, right? We need the community to lift us up. We all are here helping one another grow, grow, grow, expand, expand, expand. It does not happen in the insular. And so I really hope that you can take these tips and utilize them for yourself. Take what sticks, chuck the rest, you know, between showing up for your community, showing up for what lights you up from when you were a kid.

showing up for your wellness routines and connecting with people online, saying yes to opportunities. And also guys, being the person who creates the opportunities, right? I know I was talking about how saying yes to the invitation, how can you create the invite? When I had my freaking birthday party a couple months ago, I was like, you know what? I've never done this before. Ha ha, I am so excited. I'm putting myself in the seat of.

curating the type of events and experiences that I want to be part of. So why not be the person in the driver's seat also doing the same thing? And that's what creates those reciprocal relationships. So I'll leave you with that, you guys. I'm just feeling really inspired and judged up about this. And I hope that you feel the same way after listening to this episode. So thank you so much for tuning in this week.

I love you guys. If you loved this episode, be sure to leave a rating or review, hit subscribe. It really helps get the show out there loud and clear into as many years as possible and help us on our mission of just building beautiful relationships, intimacy in our lives, connection in our lives. And that's what the show's all about. So thank you for tuning in this week. I love doing these solo sessions and I'll catch you next week.

Alright guys, until then, bye!

Thank you for listening to the Bedside podcast. I hope you love this episode as much as we did making it. If you have any feedback, questions, or suggestions for future episodes, or if you just wanna chat, don't hesitate to reach out to us at TheBedside on Instagram and thebedside.co online. You can also find us at buythebedside on TikTok. To stay updated on our latest episodes, be sure to subscribe to our podcast on your preferred platform. And if you found this episode valuable,

I would so greatly appreciate if you could leave us a rating, a review, text it to a friend, share it to your Instagram stories. Let's get this message out there loud and clear. Until next time, thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you next week.