Have you ever felt like life's challenges were just too much to handle? I'm Tamera Trotter, and I've navigated the dark waters of depression, discovering along the way that stress, while inevitable, can be managed effectively. Join me as I unpack the art of coping with life's stressors, from the trials of our children to the health of our aging parents. This episode offers a treasure trove of personal insights and strategies, empowering you to develop your own toolkit for lessening anxiety and loosening depression's grip.
Throughout the conversation, we confront the trap of amplifying our troubles and explore the power of tactical battle selection to keep stress at bay. Reflect with me on those pivotal moments where a different response could have spared us unnecessary strain, and celebrate the times we've successfully steered through adversity. We'll delve into the importance of split-second decision making, the emotional cost of investing in uncontrollable situations, and how to channel our emotional energy wisely. If you're seeking guidance to navigate life with a calmer heart and a clearer mind, this episode promises to be a valuable guide on your journey to improved mental health.
Hello and welcome to when over depression. This podcast is dedicated to those who suffer with a mental illness but try every single day to feel better. I am your host, tamara Trotter. I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life. However, I am well enough now to where I have symptoms of depression and I am no longer chronically depressed. You will be able to learn techniques in this podcast, as well as ways that you, too, can manage your mental health better. Hang on, and we'll be right back with you.
Speaker 1:
Today, we'll be talking about coping, so let us first define what is meant by coping. Stressing is defined as the thoughts and behaviors mobilized to manage internal and external stressful situations. So when you suffer with a mental health diagnosis, often times when you suffer with depression, anxiety is also a part of it. So I want you to be thinking throughout this episode how do you cope with the stress and strain of life? Because we are always going through something, because other people in our lives have an impact on us. So if your children are going through something, they're seeking your advice and you have to be able to cope with their situation. If your elderly parents are dealing with sickness or something of that nature, you have to be able to cope. We all have to cope with the way that this world is now. So many uncertainties, so much going on, and if we were to put it all together, we would probably agree that life in and of itself is stressful. So how do you cope with situations and circumstances that come into your life? Because if you are able to develop a coping strategy, you will see that your feelings of anxiety will decrease, as well as your episodes of depression. Have you ever heard someone say, boy, he or she is sure making a mountain out of a mohill? And that means that we have to really think about how we are going to let something that we may not have any control over affect us. We have to be able to pick and choose our battles and develop some tactics to help us deal with stressful situations, because if every situation that you face you identify as being stressful, you are going to continue to feel depressed and feel as if there is no way out. So when we are coping, it is the conscious or unconscious effort that we put into solving problems in order to reduce stress, and stress is something that all of us experience, and stress really takes a toll on our health. Stress can lead to high blood pressure, to an irregular heartbeat, among other medical conditions. So the more that you're able to manage your stress, the more of an opportunity you will have to reduce the episodes of depression that you experience.
Speaker 1:
I'd like for you to think back to two individual situations One situation where you felt as though you could have acted differently, responded differently to a situation, and that situation caused you undue stress. So think about that. Secondly, I would like for you to think about a situation where you felt that you handled it well and that you did not subject yourself to stress. What did you do in a situation where you could have made an improvement? And then think about what did you do in a situation where you fell short and where you felt like you should have and could have done something differently.
Speaker 1:
When we are in a stressful situation, there is a moment in time when we are deciding what, if anything, we are going to say, and it is during that split second that we have the ability to maneuver in a different direction that is going to reduce our anger and stress, or decide to escalate a situation that is going to increase our stress, because the truth is, you cannot control other people, but you can control your response to what other people say or do. I would like to talk about energy for a moment, and when we give energy to something, we are definitely making a withdrawal from our emotions. So what that means is when we allow our emotions to get the best of us, we are potentially causing ourselves undue stress. When we give our energy to a situation that we have absolutely no control over, we cannot get that energy back. It has been expended. So when you are deciding on a response, take the path of least resistance and the path that is going to allow you to move past that situation and not feel as if it is going to cause you a great deal of energy. Because we are emotional human beings and every single day, when we make decisions, we are using our rational thought Only 30% of the time and we are making our decisions based on emotion 70% of the time. Do you know that we have 20,000 moments every single day in which we can choose how we're going to respond? So maybe you're watching a movie and there's a scene that is funny and you decide to laugh. That is an emotion. Maybe there is something else a commercial or a story that elicits a sad response and that is the emotion that you expend.
Speaker 1:
I know that in most of my episodes I have talked about the importance of being careful about who you allow in your circle of influence. I want you to evaluate the people in your life that you spend the most time with. How much energy are you giving to that person? And, when we're talking about energy, how much positive energy is that person giving to you and vice versa? Because we need to be surrounded by people who exude positivity and give us positive energy. If someone is giving you negative energy, you need to reduce your interaction with that person, because they are costing you to expend your energy in a negative manner and therefore there will be no dividends that you will receive. Based on that, your ability to cope will have a direct correlation to your ability to manage your symptoms of depression. If you are in a very high stress producing environment, then that is going to cause your anxiety to continue to increase. So maybe your situation at home right now is not the best and maybe it is a high stress for producing environment. So what can you do in order to not have that negative energy affect you so much? You may have to stay in your room, you may have to go out for a walk, you may have to go over to a friend's house, but eventually you may have to find a different place to live. It just depends on how much you are affected by the environment in which you are living.
Speaker 1:
The truth is that, as human beings, we probably have more strength and ability to cope than we know. It's not going to be until we're in that situation when we realize how strong and resilient we are. My father and my stepmother were both hit by a drunk driver, and my father was thrown from his vehicle, and my stepmother was killed instantly. It wasn't until that happened and I had the opportunity to see my dad in the hospital before he passed away that I realized how I'm able to cope and handle situations, because a short time after that, my mom fell ill as well, and you never know how strong you are until you have to stand up and be strong. So if you're in a situation where you are doubting whether or not you can make it through, I guarantee you that when you make a decision to do something differently or to surprise those in your life by reacting differently, you will begin to see things turn around.
Speaker 1:
Some people believe that when tragedy comes into our lives, there's always a lesson for us to possibly learn or there's something that we need to concentrate, focus on or work our way through. I'm not sure about that, but I just know that when we deal with adversity and challenges, when we are able to look back on that situation and think about how we handled it, it is usually very remarkable. I often tell people that when you're in a situation and you just cannot figure out how to get out of the situation, you do not have to know all the steps in which to get out, but you do have to plan out and take the first step, because when you do that, you're putting yourself in the place where momentum can build, traction can form and circumstances can change. But when we decide that we are defeated and we don't get started we're afraid, we don't know what to expect, it's so uncertain then we definitely will not be able to cope with and handle what is going to come. So I challenge you and encourage you to write down the plan and the first step. And what do you need in order to execute and complete the first step? Because once you complete the first step, then you will have a clear mind and you'll be able to decide on the second step.
Speaker 1:
But if you do not put a plan into place, then you are not going to be able to cope with the stressors that come into your life. You have to be able to decide which ones I'm going to let roll off of my back and not give any energy to, which ones do I need to moderately address and which ones do I need to sit down and have a face-to-face conversation over. And when you're able to decide which ones are worth fighting for or writing a letter or calling, making a phone call, and which ones are not, then your stress is going to decrease. Sometimes and I'm guilty of this we place undue stress on ourselves and we do that when we say yes to something when we should say no, when we agree to something that we really don't want to do. That causes us undue stress and that is dangerous for those of us who suffer with the mental illness. We have to develop and strengthen our core so that people understand that we are going to protect our energy and that we are not going to allow people to be in our circle of influence if they are not pouring positivity and encouragement in our lives.
Speaker 1:
I never want to end my podcast without thanking you so very much for listening. This is our 105th episode and I am so proud of when Over Depression. Please find us now on TikTok. You can find us at when Over Depression. You can also like and subscribe to our YouTube channel, when Over Depression. You can also find us on Pinterest at TTMentalHealthExpert, as well as LinkedIn, twitter and Instagram at Tamera Trotter. That's T-A-M-E-R-A, last name Trotter, t-r-o-t-t-e-r. We could really use your help. Would you consider becoming a patron of when Over Depression? You can go to wwwpatreoncom Backslash Tamera Trotter, and as little as $15-$20 per month will help us to spread this message even further. Thank you for listening and we will see you next time.
Speaker 1:
Remember, giving up is never an option. Stay in the game of life. You are valuable, you are important and your life is worth living. If you have listened to this podcast and you are contemplating suicide, please do not take your life. When you commit suicide, you are transferring the pain onto someone else your loved ones and they will not understand why you made this decision and they will blame themselves. I encourage you to call your accountability coach, call a friend, let them know how you are feeling, but do not do anything. Tonight. You can go to my podcast on Spotify, google Play or LinkedIn, and there are over 100 episodes for you to listen to. Even if you have to listen to all of them to make it through the night, I encourage you to do that. If you are feeling down and you feel as though no one cares, there are people who care, and I am one of them. So please don't take your life. Stay in the game of life.