Have you ever been haunted by the sting of an old grudge or the weight of words left unsaid? Join me, Tamara Trotter, as I venture into the heart of forgiveness, revealing how this simple yet profound act can be a balm for the troubled mind. As we wade through the turbulent waters of resentment, I share personal insights and stories that underscore the significance of letting go for the sake of our mental health. We'll explore the deeply personal nature of human conflicts and the transformative effect of choosing peace over lingering bitterness.
In today’s conversation, I shed light on a poignant narrative of a father and son divided by unresolved issues, a tale that echoes the sorrow of missed chances at reconciliation. It's a somber reminder that life's brevity leaves no room for the heavy burden of regrets. This episode serves as a gentle nudge towards embracing the courage to seek or extend apologies, even when pride clamors to take the forefront. It’s an episode filled with hope, healing, and the quiet strength found in mending fences, a testament to the undeniable link between forgiveness and our emotional well-being.
Hello and welcome to when Over Depression. I am your host, tamara Trotter. This podcast is dedicated to those who suffer with the mental illness but try every single day to feel better. It's also dedicated to those who want to learn more about the mental health condition of their loved ones in an effort to better understand this debilitating disease. The first thing I want you to know is that depression is a disease and in large part, it's due to a chemical imbalance in the brain.
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Today we'll be talking about forgiveness, so let us first define what is forgiveness. This means to cease to feel resentment against an offender, basically a pardon. Another definition is letting go of grudges or bitterness and finally to grant relief from payment of a debt. Thanks, as you are listening to this episode, I'd like for you to think about if there is anyone that you feel you need to forgive. Have a number of years passed by and so you actually forgot what the offense was, but you just stopped talking to that person, and I want you to think about how forgiveness is not about the person who offended you.
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Forgiveness is really for yourself, because when we hold on to grudges or resentment, it only makes life harder for us. And the one thing I'd like for you to think about is when you forgive someone, it does not mean that you have forgotten what happened. Now we can forgive someone, but, as a result, we can decide to distance ourselves from that person and our relationship with them will likely be altered forever. You know it takes a lot to trust someone, and when someone has done something to cause someone harm, it is very difficult to regain the trust, because truly the way to regain the trust is by dropping into the bucket the belief and the knowledge that the person is sincerely wrong for what happened. But because we don't have any control over what other people do, we should not be waiting around for someone to apologize, because all that does is keep us in bondage to that person and also to ourselves. We can only be concerned about our reaction to what happened in that situation. So when you are harboring resentment towards someone, that is actually emotional baggage, and because you already suffer with an emotional condition by withholding forgiveness you are truly hurting yourself. So who is it that you believe owes you an apology? Or maybe you owe someone else an apology? You can easily Write down the apology, put it in an envelope and never mail it. You could write a letter of apology, put it in an envelope and you can mail it, but here's the thing if you mail it, then you stand the chance of being rejected again, because the person may not acknowledge that you have apologized. So when we're able to apologize, that is actually huge, because there are some people who just never apologized when they know that they're wrong and they continue to live their life day after day and they sleep just fine. So if you are not one of those people and you are waiting for a response from someone else. I Can tell you that you may be waiting your entire life.
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I Heard a story about a father and son who had become estranged Over a situation that just tore them apart, and for years and years they never communicated, not on birthdays, not at Christmas, not on other holidays, and they just never regained the wonderful relationship that they once had. And one day the phone rang and it was the mother Calling to let the son know that the father had passed away, and the son seemed sad but was not Overcome with grief, and so he decided, of course, to come to the funeral to pay his respects. And he actually was asked by his mother to Speak at the funeral, and what he said was my dad was not big on hugs. He didn't say I loved you very often, but he was a good provider and we did not see eye to eye and I'm sad about Not contacting him over all these years. And he said that what he learned is that, rather than being bitter and Waiting for his dad to apologize to him first, he should have taken the initiative to apologize to his dad, because after a while he could not remember why they had the disagreement in the first place, and so my message to you is Life is too short to have regrets and To fail to forgive when we should. Sometimes it's okay for us to seek forgiveness or to say that we are sorry, even when we do not feel that we did anything wrong that warranted an apology, because when we have emotional intelligence, we realize that Whatever we can do to mend a relationship, to continue speaking to that person and having Crucial conversations, the better off our relationship will be.
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People have so much pride and they have so many thoughts about themselves in security, and often that is why they suffer from depression. So I want you to please take a step back and look at all the relationships in your life. Are they meaningful? Are they feeling a void? Do they bring you joy? Are you missing someone that you once had a closer relationship with, and what is holding you back from reconnecting with that person? Tomorrow is not promised to any one of us, and we should not be waiting for someone else to act when we have the ability to act on our own. Does it mean that you are someone who lets other people walk all over you? What it means is that you have acknowledged that it's not really that serious, and if I need to be a loser in the situation, then so be it. There is so much more important around us that if we focused on injustice, on police brutality, on elections that are basically set up for a certain candidate to win, and if we instead focused on worthwhile projects, then we can make a difference in the world.
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So again, forgiveness is for you, it's not for the other person. The other person is sleeping just fine and they are not worried nor concerned about what is going on with you. So why then should you be worried about and waiting for an apology that may never come? So how do you get this off of your chest? You write a letter to the other person letting them know how they made you feel, and you don't look back. You keep moving forward, because people have all sorts of baggage that they bring with them into relationships, into family life, into work, into the community, and we are really in situations where it can be detrimental to our overall well-being. So who can you forgive? Who will you forgive in the next three to five days? Who will you have that conversation with and let them know that you miss them, that you mean them no harm and that you want to restore the relationship, you will find that the person has been waiting and waiting for this moment in time and you can continue that relationship and it could be the best that you have ever experienced. Never underestimate the awesome ability of other people. So, when it comes to forgiveness, remember that you have had situations and circumstances in your life where you needed to seek forgiveness, and how did that person receive the forgiveness that you brought them? We must always put ourselves in the place and the shoes of other people before we cast judgment, because you never know what a person is going through.
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So if you are listening to this podcast and it's late at night and you are contemplating suicide, please do not take your life. Your life is worth living, your life is meaningful and there are many people who will miss you dearly. If you check out, please listen to a few more episodes of when, over depression, to get to that better place in state. I know that you know it, but suicide is final and we don't come back from that. So don't allow how you are feeling right now to change the rest of your life and the rest of the lives of people who love and care for you deeply. Just remember that you are valuable, important. Your life is worth living and, no matter what anyone has said, you are a child of God, and I never want to end my podcast without thanking you so very much for listening.
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When over depression is now on tiktok. We encourage you to follow us there. There are many inspirational words, challenges and the opportunity for you to complete some homework that is going to help you on your mental health journey. In addition to that, there are some worksheets that will help you on your journey as well. In the next three days, we will also be releasing a mental health daily planner full of activities.
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Go on tiktok and you'll hear me talk about it. Remember, you can find us on Pinterest at TT mental health expert. You can also join our Facebook group called the when over depression community. If you would like to become a patron for when over depression, simply go to wwwpatreoncom. Backslash Tamera Trotter, t-a-m-e-r-a, last name T-R-O-T-T-E-R. You can also find us on Twitter, linkedin and Instagram at when over depression. Thank you so much for listening and we will see you in the next podcast episode next Friday. In the meantime, remember giving up is never an option. Stay in the game of life, because your friends and your family not only love you, but they need you. Take care and we will see you next week.