The Friend Zone & The Dinner Zone Part 1

Episode: 215

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We already know men and women really can be friends. In this episode, we discuss the real challenge! How navigating those friendships can be hard to establish healthy boundaries, communication, and respect.

We also share some laughs as we reveal the worst meals our significant others have ever made for us and the unforgettable stories that came with them.

Tune in for this one! this is one you don't want to miss!

Featuring:
@Littylew.ed
@1cherie_ontop
@officialsqualle


Copacetic Apparel:
https://teamtch.square.site/

@Thecopacetichour 
@Notorious_big_e

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

20 minute copycabi.

SPEAKER_06 0:23

Yes, this is the Copacetic Hour. Copacetic is a term meaning everything is fine, cool, and in excellent order. This podcast an area for open discussion, but not for the weak hearted nor the simple-minded. And although we may not always agree, we will always exemplify respect. But at the same time, nobody, and I do mean nobody, is exempt from getting these jokes. Everything is copacetic. Yes, it's the copacetic hours. Everybody doing today. That's what's up. So today's why don't you share icebreaker is who's your favorite top two one-hit wonders? And I'm gonna throw in there, including someone who had like a short moment but shortly faded away after that.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

I'm Swile. Um I'm from Athens, Georgia. Uh, me and Five, we both attended Alabama State. I'm sorry, D Alabama State University. Um, fortunately, I graduated from Alabama State and then he switched up on us. But uh that's where we met. I'm from Athens, Georgia. Uh, if you don't know, that's where the University of Georgia uh is located. I'm a hip hop artist, I am a songwriter, um about to be an author. I'm a basketball and step coach, and I am an entrepreneur.

SPEAKER_06 1:48

Yep. Facts, facts, facts.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Okay, so my my first one, I can't think of this guy's name, but he sang that song Return of the Mac. Oh Return of the Mac. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's more something, I don't know.

SPEAKER_06 2:03

Who the hell you talk about?

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Um him and uh Rob Bass from New York. I want to rock right now. Okay. Yeah, yeah, my they're my two.

SPEAKER_06 2:13

Return of the Mac. Mark Morrison. That's his name.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Mark Morrison, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love I could play that song all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like on the show.

SPEAKER_04 2:20

He went old school on us.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

He went old school.

SPEAKER_06 2:24

Rob Bass hit so crazy, he still be performing that one song now.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

I'm telling you. And it's flat. Yeah, yeah, rock there. I wanna rock right now. Yeah, I remember I remember Lil' Romeo stole it when he was first coming out. But yeah, that those would probably be my favorite too right there.

SPEAKER_05 2:40

That's what's up.

SPEAKER_04 2:41

Hello, I am Cherie. Um, most know me by Amber. Um, I attended high school with Ernest and also uh first year roommate type deal or deal. And um, he's been in my life for a very long time. I am a mom. I am in school for nursing right now in the medical field, have been in the medical field for about um 10 and a half, nine, ten and a half years. And I am an entrepreneur, and yeah, I like to cook. I like to cook a lot. So that's a little bit about me. One hit wonder. I would have to say the first one on my list was um Jayquan. Y'all remember him?

SPEAKER_05 3:27

Yeah, Jay Quan. Oh, yeah, I remember he had Jay Quan.

SPEAKER_04 3:31

Everybody in the club get tipsy. I ain't heard nothing else from him.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

That's it. That's all he got.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

So that was his one hit wonder. And then um I had like five, but Mims, this is why I'm hot.

SPEAKER_05 3:47

Okay, this is why I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

Oh, yeah. You went to you in the 2000s. Okay, I see what you do.

SPEAKER_04 3:53

Yeah, so you went old school, but I had to kind of you know fast forward.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

I remember Mims, this is why I'm hot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:01

Well, we used to play it too. I know you used to bump it a little bit. A little bit. I remember, I remember that, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 4:08

Yeah, yeah, mems. But those are my two. This is why I'm hot was everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

It was thought they was the same artist. Mem to Daquan?

SPEAKER_04 4:22

I thought they was, but do sound similar. I'm not gonna lie. Everybody in the club gets tissued, but Jaquan gave me tinky vibes. Like, you know, the cool set bad, you know, the tinker head. You know, he gave me them vibes, and then mems was more like I don't want to say West Coast, but like mixed in with a like, you know, a D and the dirty D kind of give you that type of vibe. So I don't know. I don't know. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

All right, can y'all hear me okay?

SPEAKER_05 4:51

Yeah, I can hear you. Yeah, we can hear you.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Okay, as soon as you started recording, my audio was crazy. So I I don't know what happened, but it looks like we're good now. Um, what's up? I'm Kay. Uh me and five have known each other since the 2000s. We'll just we'll just say since the 2000s. Um facts. And I actually was gonna say return of the mech, so I feel like you you stole my thunder a little bit, but it's cool. And then I feel like as we were talking, I feel like maybe I just don't know things, but I feel like I would put chingy in that bucket.

SPEAKER_06 5:25

I was gonna say chingy too, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

Okay, I was like, I don't, I feel like I only know two songs.

SPEAKER_04 5:32

So that is not disrespectful. Tingy is not it. What's the other one?

SPEAKER_03 5:39

I just okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

He got every time I try to leave, so then keep pulling into it. Okay, okay. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_06 5:48

It was a moment though, it was a moment, like it faded, bro.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

The moment faded in his run, though, he had like oh hits he did, he did, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Well, and that's and that's why I was like, I don't know if we can kill him.

SPEAKER_06 5:59

Uh uh.

SPEAKER_03 6:00

That's why I said that.

SPEAKER_06 6:01

I think it's hot for like a year, he was hot for like two, two years, maybe. Yeah, he yeah, he was yeah, he had a little run. But like, you don't think like Chingy don't got like no super features or you know what I'm saying? Like he had his songs, he got it.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

I'll tell you right now, he got enough to go on to the millennium tour.

SPEAKER_06 6:18

That's a fact. Yeah, you only gotta do like 15 minutes, he got four. Right.

SPEAKER_04 6:27

You ain't lying, though.

SPEAKER_06 6:28

You like you right.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

You could you you ain't headlining. Right.

SPEAKER_06 6:32

You know, that's for the goat, Bao Weezy. You know what I'm saying? Oh, good lord. Ball's a goat. I want to thank y'all all for being here. I am your host, five. Uh, keeping with our our tradition so far, we're gonna shout out our new locations. Shout out to Chelsea, Michigan, shout out to Montreal, Quebec, shout out to Derby, Connecticut, and I am going to mess this up. Shout out to Guangju Sea Seoul. Guangjing Gu soul. I really appreciate the chat. So uh I'm not exactly sure what country that is, but shout out to you. Keep rocking with the copacetic hour, keep listening to the copacetic hour. We love you. I'm I'm assuming that's South Korea. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 7:21

But somewhere around the girl.

SPEAKER_06 7:24

Shout out to y'all. Keep rocking, keep listening to the copacetic hour, keep sharing the copacetic hour. Please check out our YouTube. We care about you, we love you, we need you. Thank you. So I'm your host, five, for me. Um the person I thought were of was uh Lil Zane. Lil Zane was super hot. Uh he had like he had a song called Calling. And um he had another song. Uh he had like a verse that I was on on that hardball song when it did with Lil Wayne and all everybody, you know what I'm saying? Lil Zang was super hot for a one for a period in time. My second one, I was going to say Chinky, so now I'm racking my brain trying to think of a second person. It's crazy. For my second person.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

He's really offended, by the way. He's very offended.

SPEAKER_06 8:14

Isn't crazy.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

He is. She is.

SPEAKER_06 8:17

Chinky had a he had a moment, he had a moment, but he kind of died out. I'm sorry. It is what it is. I met little I met Lil Zane one time though. For real? I liked it. Lil'Zane when he first came out. He was he was he was it. Then um I'm gonna just go with with Bone Crusher. I don't know. That's the only person I can think of that had like a super mega hit. Super mega hit Bone Crusher came out, and then like he had a couple verses on something here and there, but you never like he like just died out after that. Like you never heard of Bone Crusher after that. Like, I don't even know what Bone Crusher's album was called, or even if he had an album or not. I have no idea. I don't know either. Yeah, I had to I had to look that up. I don't know. Another one I'm gonna go. Uh what what's our boy that we used to listen to at Alabama State? He was super hot from Montgomery. Um King South. King South. King South was he had a moment. King South was fire for a hot season.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

There she goes, there she goes, hey King South was fire.

SPEAKER_06 9:20

Yeah, King South. Shout out to King South. I don't know where you at now, but you was fired during college.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

She rolling, she popped. King South even had a road, the road was going crazy, boy.

SPEAKER_06 9:33

Crazy.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Facts, facts with Gucci.

SPEAKER_06 9:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:39

The rich kids.

SPEAKER_06 9:40

That whole era is gone, low-key. All of them gone.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

Was he still that state when he performed at the homecoming? No, I don't think so. You had to be there. That was fresh from the year.

SPEAKER_06 9:50

Maybe I was there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I was. Yes, I was. Yes, I was.

SPEAKER_02 9:54

Bro came out with uh he came out with Tiger Stripe Contacts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good Lord.

SPEAKER_06 10:01

And uh Mohawk. And a Mohawk, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think his Mohawk was orange, too.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

His Mohawk was orange. The nigga looked way different than what you would have thought. Yeah, yeah. Facts.

SPEAKER_05 10:12

Facts. He killed that show, though.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

He killed that show though. Shout out to King South.

SPEAKER_06 10:17

Yeah, I'm going Lil Zane, Bone Crusher, and then for I'm taking Bone Crusher, I'm going with King South. Shout out to King South. He got way more representation in my life than Bone Crusher for sure. I'm going with King South. All right. So jumping into our first topic. Okay. So they say that there's a debate or whatever if men and women can't be friends, right? So we're going to push that aside because I believe that they can be friends, right? But the issue is that men and women have an issue with how to navigate the friendship between men and women. Give me your thoughts on navigating that friendship between men and women and your experiences when it comes to the navigation of the friendship between men and women.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

My best friend, I actually met at uh state uh five. I don't know if you remember Sharika Wilson.

SPEAKER_06 11:18

Sharika, yeah, yeah. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

So Sharika's my best friend. But we met because I was trying to holler at Sharika. And she was like, uh, I think you fine, but you're gonna be my best friend. And I'm like, no, I'm not. But so so she she basically made me her best friend, like, you my best friend. And I just kind of said, fuck it, after after about a month or two.

SPEAKER_05 11:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:54

But to that from that day to now, we like super tight. It's always been uh platonic. Um I think it's easier if it's like something that's established like right at the very beginning.

SPEAKER_05 12:11

Okay, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

On both sides. Um, but then you got the situations where you might have had something with that person and then it didn't work out, but you became like super, super close just on a friendship level, but like on a romantic side, it just wasn't there anymore. With me and Sharika, it was like in the beginning we was attracted to each other. But I think she, I think we clicked so well as friends that she was just like, we just need to be best friends. And for, you know, for a while I was like, nah, because I'm trying to crack, you know, I'm trying to crack. Or whatever. But then I stepped back and looked, and I'm like, nah, you would actually be, if I could take away that part, you would actually be like a really good, stable person in my life. So I think for me, it's definitely doable if in the beginning you kind of set the boundary and let it be known what it's gonna be. Um, every girlfriend that I have had from that point has always, the first thing I say is, hey, I have a female best friend that I will not cut off.

SPEAKER_05 13:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

She was here, she was here when I had nothing. You know, we we struggled together, we went to the cab together, we studied for tests together, like we are like slept in the same bed, never did nothing, never touched, no, not no nothing sexual at all. Like, even when we're on the phone with each other, like aside from talking about each other's sexual experiences, we don't even talk about sex or anything of that nature. You see what I'm saying? So I always tell any girl that I'm um taking serious that I do have a female best friend and I love her very much and she will not get cut off. So if you have an issue with that, I'm not opposed to you meeting her, and then you can um actually see like the type of bond and relationship that we have. And sometimes, bro, it went well, and sometimes they meet Sharika and be like, nah, y'all, y'all, y'all done did-da-da-da-da-da-da.

SPEAKER_05 14:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

Um, so it's it's hard, but I think if it's established in the beginning, it can be smooth. But it, you know, it's based on the girl that you date, like, some girls just ain't with it, bro. Like, and I've had girls that had male best friends, and I understand it because I have a best friend of the opposite sex. You see what I'm saying? But it's a slippery slope, it's like it's a very fine line, you know. I think it just takes communication and maturity and then letting it be known in the beginning that this is what it's gonna be, it's never gonna cross, you know, into any other thing. And that's you know, that's pretty much how we've been able to navigate our friendship.

SPEAKER_06 14:48

I hear that, I hear that. But how do y'all navigate the friendship though? Not that y'all can be friends, right? But like, do y'all get into arguments? How do y'all how do y'all get in arguments? All the time. If y'all uh say for me to bring to bring to from my situation, I got some female friends where I could treat them like one of the homies. You know what I'm saying? Like, but that's few and far between. My problem that I be having with women is I be treating all my female friends like they wanted the homies, the homeboys, you know what I'm saying? And I talk to them like they wanted the homeboys. And I've recently come to find out is that you can't talk to all your female friends like they wanted the homies. Some of them are still act like women, so they feelings be involved sometimes. And if y'all gonna be friends, you gotta make somewhat of space for them to have their feelings, right? Yeah in a situation. But for me, because I'm married, that's hard for me because I don't want to deal with nobody else's feelings. I picked the one whose feelings I wanted to deal with, and dealing with all her stuff is a lot on its own. So me dealing with anybody else's feelings is like I got little patience for it. So I I don't know. That that's the the issue navigating.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

We argue, bro, we argue, we argue every other fucking day. Because she one of the people that if I'm doing something wrong, she gonna tell me.

SPEAKER_06 16:31

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

And vice versa. Like if she doing something wrong, or I feel like like Sharinka's what what I would call like a free spirit.

SPEAKER_05 16:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

So she she she hardly ever be in relationships. You know, if it is she got really like this guy. But sometimes she be playing games, yeah, and I be like, nah, you playing games, so why you mad at bru for playing them back? And when we had up, when we had those conversations, it's an argument. What you mean? You supposed to take my side, you my best. No, listen, I'm your best friend, and because I love you to death, I'm gonna tell you set up. You if you playing games, if you playing with fire, you getting burnt.

SPEAKER_06 17:18

Facts.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

You can't get mad at him because he burnt you.

SPEAKER_06 17:22

Facts. Now, Sheridan, give me your take, give me your take on what's been said so far.

SPEAKER_04 17:28

I like what he was saying with how he addresses him having a best friend in the beginning and establishes that in the beginning of a relationship or whatever it is with another female. Because a lot of guys will not do that. The simple fact that he can be like a hundred and upfront about them not having no type of relations other than being a genuine friend, um, that means a lot to a lot of females, because a lot of guys will not do that. They'll try to, you know, go around the bush and you know, creep around the fact that they done either slept with a slept or had some type of more of a relation with this type of person or female that they want you to be around. Um so I respect that again. Um respect to you, Squale. Now, as for navigating, you have a broad range of um female friends that you consider actual friends that have not had no type of relations with, and you are but see one thing that I'm very, very known to you is to be attracted to beautiful women. You let it be known. You know what I'm saying? Um despite the fact that you having a wife and everything, but you can separate that. I I will be honest with you saying you can separate it, and you're very respectful about that. I think the issue is with what you say is you you treat the females like they are homies and like they, you know, they not homies. That's true. That is a hundred and fifty percent true, but I don't think that you have learned to establish that yet. If we're gonna be honest.

SPEAKER_06 19:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 19:11

Or how do you how do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_06 19:13

Explain, explain what you mean, establish that. Explain that. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 19:17

So I feel like you're a very genuine person. You give people to shut off your back. Right. Um so you love people like wholeheartedly, and uh the way you express it is as if they was like raised in your household. Like you love people genuinely. So you talk and have conversations as if they, you know what I'm saying? Like you have your separate friendship, but I honestly feel like you treat all your friends as if you love them. So, um you think that's too much? Yes. Yes. With you being married, and and and this is now now hear me out. As time progresses, um women and men, we all evolved. So with you being married, there's nothing wrong with you treating like your friends like like you love them, but it's just like some females, um I don't feel like are mature enough to how do I say this? And I do not want to sound like okay. I feel like some females just treat male friends depending on the situation. They have this broad way that they look at males, but they just they treat the male friends as we're adults, like you you're in the same boat as another guy, if that makes sense. Do you understand what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_06 20:35

They treat a men like men that they're dating and not like men as a friend. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 20:42

How we feel about men, our emotions are different, so how we feel about a certain guy at that time could possibly be projected onto you as a friend. Oh by certain things that you say.

SPEAKER_05 20:54

Okay, okay, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 20:57

So you know, like people have triggers?

SPEAKER_05 20:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:00

Um, I could be having the comp copy could could could be conversing with you that day, and uh nigga that I'm dealing with may have said something to me, and I'm like, you may have said something in like the resemblance of that, and I'm like, Yeah. You know, so she feels some type of way based off of her feelings sometimes during that day. Now I'm a female that can separate it. Sometimes I can separate it, but then I know me, I'm self-aware enough to know I'm not about to be talking to everybody at the time that I'm going through something with somebody, you know, of that nature. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_06 21:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I never even thought about that. That's that's good. I'm glad you got to that point. That's a fact. Yeah, yeah. That is good. Like, because of because I am a man and because of whoever they're dealing with at the time, because I am very genuine and kind hearted and nice to my friends or whatever, that their emotions will from whatever they got going on over here. Can be projected onto me if they see something similar between the two of us. That's good. Yeah, I never even thought about that. You are watching a master at work.

SPEAKER_04 22:10

It can be intensified too, because you gotta think of like the level of love that if you if you love you as a friend, you gotta think about the level of love that you have for that friend. You know, so I if I love you, not on an intimate level, but as a friend, my feelings are gonna be hurt. So I'm coming to you, and you may not agree with what I what I'm going through as a female. You know what I'm saying? You may look at it from a guy's standpoint, and I'm like, looking at you like, all right now. You know? You know, like you supposed to be on my side, but Yeah. Yeah, you not my nigga though. You know what I'm saying? You're not my nigga, but I'm like, you supposed to be my nigga, you know? You're supposed to be side with me right now.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

That's what I said. Me and her argue all the time, because she do that to me a lot. Really? Yeah, she do that to me a lot. If she expects for me to just agree with her because her feeling because she's feeling some type of weight. But the issue is that I'm looking at it from her point of view, and I'm also looking at it from his. So whenever I'm like, yo, no, you wrong, it's instantly an argument. Like instant.

SPEAKER_06 23:18

But how I'm wrong, like you nigga, you want to be on my side, like see and that's where and that's the point that that's the problem that I have is now to deal with that situation, you have to make space for them to be emotional. But me and Squale been friends since we've been 17, 18 years old. I don't have to make emotional space for him. If I think he's doing something crazy, I'm like, yeah, nigga, you shouldn't do that. That was some whole ass shit. You being a bitch. And then it's there. You know what I'm saying? I don't have to, I don't have to like, oh man, you know, bro. Come here, man. You you got it. I don't I don't have to not necessarily coddle, but I don't have to like massage what I need to say to him. I could tell him point direct, period, and he either accepts it or he don't. And if he don't, that's fine. You know what I'm saying? Because we we f we homies, we know we'll be fine tomorrow. It'd be alright, no worries, you know what I'm saying? But in my experience with some of my female friends, that's not the case. If I say something to them, I need to massage it in there to them, or it's a problem. And I don't like that because you're not my woman. I'm married already. I get having to be like emotional uh support and massage my wording to my wife. You know what I'm saying? That's irritating sometimes. Don't get me wrong, like that is a lot every now and again, let alone somebody I'm not dealing with in that way. So I don't get I that that is the struggle for me is having to having to take what they say and not like come at them like like I'm talking to one of the homies. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 25:19

Like Yeah, but you also have to not personalize it too, because like you say, that's not your female, like that's not your wife, that's not somebody. So I think that's like now, like I was saying, speaking about like that being something that you kind of have to separate um with friendships. Like as we progress and get older, um, we may put on put things or push things on our friends that we may not even be aware of that we're pushing on them, but it takes that friend to be like, alright, now this might be a little too much for me. You can't talk to me about this because I'm gonna give my opinion and you may feel some type of way about it. And we just go, like you just told Square, alright nigga, move along. Like we're gonna move along to the next subject. And if a female can't respect that type of vibe, yeah, then uh we ain't can't be too much of friends because it's like I can't coddle, like you say, coddle your emotions. I can't have a wife to do that. Like I can't present myself and be emotionally um, you can't push your emotions up.

SPEAKER_06 26:27

It's not for stuff like that. Your mama die, you your baby gets sick, yeah, you know, you lose your job. Stuff like that, yes. We definitely make it make space for that. But not, I don't like the way you said this. Get out of my face with that. Like, I didn't cuss you out, I didn't disrespect you. You just don't like my opinion or my thought on something. Uh I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that.

SPEAKER_04 26:50

In Psy's case, um, I think he just has a hard time separating his honesty. Because he can be brutally honest and sometimes not in a bad way, like brutally, I don't mean that. I just mean like it could be a a range of conversation from how does my dog look, and he'll say that dog is ugly as hell. Or how this other person took treated me, you know, he was dead wrong, or he was like, Well, you was wrong, but it it all boils down to the type of person you are and um what your expectations are as a friend, like for me. And also the boundaries that are set, like um, if someone says something as a friend to you that's inappropriate, then he need to be knocking down at the door. You know, like as a guy, if he says something to you that's inappropriate, I feel like that should be like, yeah no. I would rather you not say that to me. And the same with y'all. Like, if we, you know, come off a certain way for y'all, you can be like, without us feeling like we gotta cry or be like, oh, we can't be friends. You should be able to express that if we are genuine friends. Like, yeah, I'm not friends with people that I can't say are my genuine friends. I'm not an I I call you my associates, but if I call you my friend, you are my friend, and I feel like there should not there should be nothing that comes in between that. Like, from our emotions to things that have been said, to things that's going on in my life. Like, I won't have to I don't have to overshare with you, but um a lot boils down to how you ex your expectations of that friendship. And also how you look at that person, because if you don't look at them as being a good person, there's no reason why they're in your life at all. If you don't consider them a friend and can't see them as somebody that's a respectable person and respects you and your boundaries and they and you respect their boundaries, what we doing?

unknown 28:43

Fine.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

Just like a relationship. What what are we doing? You know what I'm saying? What are we doing?

SPEAKER_06 28:48

It's not a relationship.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

But friendships are relationships. Hold on, wait.

SPEAKER_06 28:52

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_06 28:57

Kevin Hart voice.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

So I apologize for all the technical difficulties. I did hear quite a quite a few things though. Um, and I think my little two things is kind of twofold. So the first thing I think of is um this statement that's been sitting heavily with me for the last couple of years, and that's the cost of community is inconvenience. And so the idea that you are in community with people means that there will be times when you are dealing with things that you didn't sign up to deal with. And so I think it really depends on what that like what that person is representative of to you, right? So like and I don't really think that that has a gender when we think about what our friend like who our friends are for us, how they show up for us, what they do for us, who like what we can, you know, what our mutual exchanges. And so when you say, like when you were saying earlier, um, you know, somebody saying they don't want you don't want to have like an emotional conversation outside of like the care, right? Outside of like you, your family needs care right now.

SPEAKER_06 29:57

Yeah. And I don't I don't not want to have it, but knowing I don't not want to have it, but like it gotta be meaningful if you want me to like I don't know, like just a rare I don't want you like squalid as you know. Sometimes you can be talking to your woman or something, and y'all get to argue about something that don't even matter. It's this is just random fodder that we just had, and now like this has started something that like whoa, how did we get here?

unknown 30:30

Fodder.

SPEAKER_06 30:31

That is what I want to avoid in my women's relationships.

SPEAKER_03 30:36

That sure but I do think there, I I feel like it's a it's a very thin line for some people, right? Because a lot of people we have a very clear understanding um of where we stand, and then I feel like the idea that like the like what Sheree was saying, the idea of like how other people have treated us, then kind of seeps into how we behave in in in different spaces. And I feel like that's true for everybody. Like, I feel like you've probably had a homeboy who maybe said some wild shit because his brother says something that you similar to what you said, right? Like, I feel like that can also be true.

SPEAKER_06 31:13

Yeah, but I can't I can fight him though. I can slap, we can we could go.

SPEAKER_03 31:18

I I'm saying that to say it happen, it doesn't just happen to women.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

I wasn't saying so so so five, why can't you allow your female friend the space to do any of that with you?

SPEAKER_06 31:31

Because I just don't have the space for it. That's just not who I am. I don't I don't have that.

SPEAKER_03 31:36

But but then the people that you would keep come that keep company with you should know that. And if they don't, then that's a comment.

SPEAKER_06 31:43

It's hard enough for me to do that with my wife, let alone like I got I have it for you. I just don't have a lot of it for you. Like, we need to get to a solution about it. Not not a Yeah, but you gotta find it.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

I think that's you. You gotta find a medium of what you have for your friend because it's like this is not me coming at you, like I'm not coming at you. And you know, we have a mutual understanding of friendship where I'm gonna tell you, like, I'm not trying to attack you, yeah, but this is where you have to come to yourself in common grounds like I might have to take a couple of female friends off the list, but I do know that you are the type of friend that like to have the origin of people so you can have different backgrounds and point of view. I know that about you. So you come to me about certain things that you won't go to somebody else about. You know what I'm saying? Or you'll go to somebody else, female-wise. And I think that I like that about you because you do keep that wide um spectrum of you know trying to keep different points of views, but um, I'm also not friendly. I'm kind of anti-social, so that that there goes that.

SPEAKER_06 32:51

So I understand like I can be wrong, I don't know everything, and I don't have a problem apologizing when I'm wrong or stuff like that, right? When I get pissed off to a point, like you're not my girl. I don't have to deal with this.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

But also, there should have been a boundary in place before you even got to that point. That's what I was gonna say. Okay, is like I hear you and I feel like that's a boundary on in a relationship, like in a any relationship, not just like a romantic one, right? But that's a boundary that like I don't do this with people that but also remembering like boundaries are for me, rules are for other people, right? Right? So, like a boundary is I'm gonna remove myself from this situation. I love a good three-strikes rule. You just you do two things in my presence that I'm like, mm, you're not coming back from that. The third time you do it, I'm not coming back. I'm not telling you, I'm not, I'm not announcing my exit. I'm not, this is not an airport, I'm not telling you about the departures, but I surely will be exiting.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 33:54

I ain't gonna lie.

SPEAKER_04 33:56

Yeah, I do I get that vibe from her too, but I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes it requires a one strike. You give me one little, I'm sorry. Sometimes it just requires that.

SPEAKER_02 34:06

Are we are we referring to best friends or just in general? Like opposite statement friends?

SPEAKER_06 34:13

I think it's a difference because like I couldn't say I got a feeling.

SPEAKER_02 34:17

I quiz her before before she like she might hit me and be like, yo, I need to talk. And I literally will say, is it important? Is it a random nigga, or is it a nigga you like? Do you have a solution for it? See, I might do that and say, like, you try to waste my time.

SPEAKER_06 34:37

You a better communicator than real.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

That's that's what I'm saying. We that's I keep trying to use me because we literally will communicate. Yeah, so if if I if if in them first three messages I feel like she on bullshit, I'd be like, look, I love you, but I ain't got time for that. But if this something she be like, no, seriously, I need to talk, I'd be like, Cloney, you don't talk. But if she be like, yo, I need to talk because I know her, yeah, it's either a nigga or a nigga or another nigga. And he gonna and he's light-skinned, and he's dark-skinned, and this nigga he African. So I know out of the three, this nigga he paying for food, and this nigga he pay rent, and this nigga he fighting with take you on trips.

SPEAKER_06 35:32

Hey, Sharika, I am so sorry he's telling all your business right now.

SPEAKER_02 35:37

You know, because I'm like, is it an important fact? Is this important? You're making me blast fast. I don't wanna, I don't have time for you to be calling me about bro for two weeks. I know you don't even like this nigga. Don't call me with, oh, I he didn't answer my phone. I don't give a fuck. Ho, bitch. This are we gonna talk to each other? See, I don't talk like that. You don't like this nigga, man. You don't even like this nigga. And I'd be like, if I literally, okay, is this the one you like? If she says yeah, I'm like, all right, call her. Because I know if she's calling me, she dead ass still some type of way. Right? Like, we I don't know, we just communicate like she knows like in the past I've had girls that maybe they a little jealous of how we communicate and our vibe and shit like that, because we real goofy.

SPEAKER_05 36:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

So I I've had girls like, look, she cool as hell, but like, yo, it's 10 o'clock. So I hit her like, yo, my girl, you know, she she loves you to death, but like, hey, try to call me at 9.30. Like, and she might be like, shut the fuck up, uh, Torrance, but she not gonna call me after 10 o'clock. Like, so we cuss each other out, but it's like always a line of communication. She's never not, she done have niggas who ain't like me because they don't like that she called me and they don't like, you know, I done send, like, I might send her random money, like, hey, I know you, you know, da da da da, I'm gonna send you lunch or whatever. I do that to to just her though. And the niggas that she be dealing with don't be liking it. And still be like, look. Not that I don't mind lunch on my bestie type shit, but such and such don't like it. And I'd be like, fuck you and that nigga, but I dead ass won't send it. And I I I will be like, fuck you and that nigga, but I'll be like, alright, cool, alright, whatever. We just communicate.

SPEAKER_03 37:32

I think that the biggest thing to keep in mind is the idea that like like I said, the cost, but this has literally been stuck in my head for like two years. The cost of community is inconvenience. So you have to decide who you are going to support and who you are going to allow to support you. Both of those things are uncomfortable and they have to be done either way. Like, we can't if you only are just the you in your house and you don't depend on nobody else, you will not make it. So I like if if the only person you got around is, you know, your your female best friend or your male best friend, like the bound and then the boundaries are super important. Like, you gotta be able to say, I don't do this, or you're not gonna do this over here and be done with it.

SPEAKER_06 38:14

I agree. So I've learned that I need to have better boundaries with uh with people who are not my wife. I I get that, I hear that. That is hard for me because I my character is just genuinely like love. Like, I just wanna just give me a hug. It's all gonna be it's gonna be great. You know what I'm saying? That ain't it, bro. That's just who I am as a horror's big enough for everybody. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's just who I am, but I get that I get that uh I can't be so heartfelt loving and wearing my heart in my sleeve for everyone. You know what I'm saying? And that's hard. That's it that's hard for me. Cause I I really I always say like the the Lord should make me a billionaire because I would be more giving than like uh flaunting it. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's just who I am.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Do you know, like, it seems like you have a bunch of like female friends. I do too. I have a mixed friend group, and a lot of those are females, but like, do you actually know and can pinpoint which one of these females is like you're like, this is my female best friend, like the the one that that you're probably closest to.

SPEAKER_06 39:33

No.

SPEAKER_02 39:34

Or they all just kind of you kind of have them all on an even plane.

SPEAKER_06 39:37

Yeah, they all on an even playing field for sure. Okay, okay. You can't do that.

SPEAKER_04 39:42

You got that's one thing I'm gonna tell you today. We're gonna work on that.

SPEAKER_06 39:46

Nobody's a problem. We're gonna work on that.

SPEAKER_04 39:48

We we ain't gonna work on that. Yeah. We're gonna work on that way. It ain't gonna say no say to you, but we're gonna work on that. Sharesa, you ain't everybody in the club.

SPEAKER_03 39:58

You gotta you gotta pull that velvet rope back.

SPEAKER_06 40:02

It's like because people like people come to me naturally and tell me things, and I can see that wanna express themselves to me and wanna like it's easy, and in the same way, they they help me too. They do things for me willingly, you know what I'm saying? Like, they love on me too. You know what I'm saying? It's not like uh it's not like a one-way street, like people do things for me, uh, my female friends. They go out of their way sometimes to do things for me because they really do care about me in the same way, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 40:36

But do they care about you genuinely, or do they might secretly want to be your wife? I don't think that, no.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

Okay, I feel like I feel like Ernest has always been the person who's had an open arm for everybody. So I can see how you would have a plethora of people, and to you, they might be on the same, you know, all on the same page. I will say I'm not gonna disagree with Cherie. I have a very close friend circle. Like, I I actually don't know, I think I could count my friends on one hand, and then everybody else is considered family. And then there's like, oh, I know this person from this thing. So I don't know that I could say like what you should and shouldn't do, but I do feel like if you got a lot of folks who are all on one long level, you might need to to reevaluate what some folks are are doing in your face.

SPEAKER_06 41:35

I'm I'm starting to I'm starting to realize that like I can't uh I can't treat everyone the same, unfortunately. As much as I'm as much as I want to like be good to everyone, I can't. And I don't like this feeling because you know what this feeling makes me feel like? It's like when my heart got broken high school and then or middle school, high school, whatever it was, and then like all y'all is just prey now in my in my sexual endeavors. And I went like that for a long time, you know what I'm saying? All y'all, all y'all are to fulfill my needs now, and I don't want to be like that. I kind of like got married and and got out of that that thinking, right? You know what I'm saying? But when when you have issues, when you have issues with people, it makes you wanna like they don't even know who I am. I'm really a savage, and I'm just being nice, and they don't even understand, like, I'm really like that.

SPEAKER_03 42:44

It's the growth that changes the way you respond, though, right? And also, who says you like you the response is still needed for some folks? Let's be clear.

SPEAKER_05 42:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

You know, some folks need to hear a little something. They need the door to slam when you walk out, right? Like they need the little extra zhuz, right? They need the little phase. Actually, it would be better for everybody if you just left without saying a word.

SPEAKER_06 43:08

Yeah. You're right, you're right. All right, that was my sometime every now, every every few episodes, you know, I go on my soapbox. That's why this podcast doesn't have a necessarily the niche, it's just my life in the moment. You know what I'm saying? So that happens every now and again where I need to be therapy on the show sometimes. So shout out to my fellow guests. This week's episode is sponsored by the design lab at Shutter Shock Co. From logos and business cards to invitations and custom tees, the design lab is your one-stop shop for graphics. The design lab is the sole creator for copacetic merchandise available now. Use your promo code Copacetic for 10% off your Copacetic merchandise. Shop now using the link in our bio.