I had no idea which way to go. The chaos of New York city’s Penn Station pummeled me from all sides. To make it worse, members of my family were depending on me to get them through the terminal and on to our hotel. But multiple levels, confusing signage, and rushing crowds submerged my usual directional skills in a sea of confusion. An unpleasant few minutes, to say the least!
Confusion can spin our world and faith like a twirling top, can’t it? The maps of our meaning can become hopelessly outdated, or a sudden event can throw us head-over-heels. Who likes confusion, mystery, and uncertainty? Could there be anything positive about it? Maybe. Maybe confusion is a doorway to something we need.
The Bible has a strange story about King David from the early years of his reign, around 950 BCE. To consolidate the worship of God in Jerusalem and his political power, he makes plans to bring the Ark of the Covenant to the city. The Ark contained relics and manifested the presence of God for the people. As the Ark was being moved a man transgresses the ritual and dies suddenly. In David’s mind, the Ark that held God’s blessing has become an instrument of death. He becomes angry at God and confused about this sacred relic. He stops the plan and sends the Ark to the house of a man named Obed-edom to keep his city and his own family safe. Now, I’m not sure whether Obed-edom was a best friend or an enemy, if you understand what I mean. It’s a “this is dangerous—you take it” moment. But the point is that David, in the midst of doing something he thought was good, is now totally confused.
When have you experienced confusion or uncertainty? Honestly, this comes to us frequently. We look up addresses and ask our digital maps to take us there. Children need help with math and ask us parents for help—and we immediately do a digital search because we don’t have a clue. And those same parents lay awake pondering the mystery of understanding their partner, finding a better job, or discerning God questions. Mystery, confusion, and uncertainty knock on our door many times each day.
It's important to distinguish this existential and short-lived confusion from a deeper loss of cognitive awareness, memory, or function. In psychological terms, a person may lose those capacities if they are drunk, having a diabetic emergency, adverse drug reaction, trauma, or a stroke. They cannot identify who they are, where they are, or what has happened. That level of confusion needs medical intervention and is not what I’m discussing here. My focus is on the times where our conscious mind encounters something that we can’t readily solve, creating anxiety or disorientation. The path of our life takes a sudden twist and we feel a bit lost. We are fully oriented to person, place, time, and event but can’t solve the puzzle that has presented itself.
In her book, Wake Up Grateful, Kristi Nelson dives into this reality with a refreshing perspective. “In the crucible of {uncertain] moments, we are called to deepen our trust that the nature of life means perpetual uncertainty and that this makes everything vibrate with possibility… the unknown future is the most inspiriting invitation we can possibly hope for” (69, 73). She urges us to create a welcoming space for uncertainty. The realities of mystery are all around us, inescapable. Rather than fear this, Nelson urges us to embrace it as one of the most important aspects of well-being. In the words of Joanna Macy, “At the knife edge of uncertainty, we come alive to our truest power” (71). That’s quite a challenge! Let’s explore what it means.
To share another personal story, I faced a door of mystery about twenty years ago. I had the opportunity to become the leader of a hospital chaplaincy department which provided support to thousands of patients each year. But it meant leaving behind my 30-year vocation serving as a church pastor. What the future held was an open question that dealt with my gifts, skills, family life, education, and so much more. I felt anxious and uncertain, excited yet a bit terrified. I could control my decision, but I could not control the outcomes of whatever choice I made. It was a challenge to welcome this moment of decision as an inspiring invitation to learn more about myself and my role in the world.
Most of the time we crave the normal, the routine, and the comfortable. We don’t like uncertainty. We make every effort to maintain control and plan for tomorrow. There is nothing wrong with this, of course. Our brain is a problem-solving machine. It’s okay to have a planner for next month’s appointments, or to save for the future, or to work with a team to build a better device. Yet we do so even as we accept the truth that there are no guarantees for tomorrow.
To handle this place in our uncertain universe, Nelson urges us to awaken the possibilities inherent in the uncertainty. We can do this by changing our perspective to see the creative responses before us. This is called “reframing.” It seeks to bring a fresh perspective or a different narrative to the uncertainty. For example, is being laid off from your job a disaster, or an opportunity to find something better? The uncertainty exists yet we have the power to awaken to new possibilities that help us. This can lift us beyond the fears we might have. We can construct responses that widen our lives. We can claim that we are partners with God, blessed by God with the promise and freedom to discover where each doorway leads. “We have mystery to thank for the greatest joys and blessing in our lives,” Nelson writes.
How can we reframe when uncertainty looms? I think it’s important to own the emotions even if they are negative. There’s no sin in feeling afraid when we are confused and lost. Don’t condemn your feelings—they are what they are. Then we can begin to seek direction. We can talk with trusted partners, make pro-and-con lists, pray, research, or fast to develop our options. We admit the mystery of the future remains but with a new perspective in our minds.
To return to ancient Israel, David spent three months pondering the mystery of God, the Ark, death, and blessing. He noticed the household of the man who was keeping it seemed to be prospering. David awakened to new understanding and reframed his perspective. His uncertainty faded, so he brought the Ark joyfully to the city, dancing, opening the future for more than 500 years of worship in that place for the Hebrew people. Now, I will note this perspective was in line with the theology of the Hebrew people then, which I believe Jesus would correct centuries later to highlight that God’s presence is universal, not bound to a single temple or relic.
A further step in our walk with the future is to surrender and trust in the greater powers that touch our lives beyond the door of mystery. In the book Nelson encourages us, “We can turn our controlling impulses over the larger designs of the universe, choosing to let go of our white-knuckles grip on the steering wheel” (71). Seeking control of life to eliminate the uncertainty is to live with eternal and exhausting vigilance, guarding, hoarding, limiting so we can know what is coming. Is that a way to live? Not really. That effort also shuts the door to many pleasures, discoveries, opportunities, and exciting serendipities just beyond our sight. We must come to a place of letting go of our attempts to fully control what is happening.
Some theologies teach that the mystery is only from a human perspective. God already knows and is controlling what will happen in the next minute and the next millennium. Progressive Christian teachings don’t agree. Without question, God has designed the law-like regularities of the universe. This physical reality allows us to send a spacecraft across many months and a billion miles to intercept a speeding asteroid. But as we come to the human scale, I don’t think that is what Jesus taught about our lives. He respected the capacity of each person to choose a course of action. For instance, Zacchaeus was invited to come down from the tree, not compelled. Certainly, God is working to bring purposes of love and justice, yet, like Eve in the garden, we may decide to follow a different course. I like the way theologian Bruce Epperly describes this, “God’s power is persuasive and invitational, a call forward, as the source of possibilities and ideals appropriate to every occasion of experience… the future is open for God as well as us… God needs us to be partners in God’s dream of world transformation” (Praying, 7). The future is open. This openness of tomorrow, as much as it exists, is our privilege and responsibility. You and I can choose how we will handle the possibilities before us.
Let me tell you, Penn Station was a crazy place for this rural Texan. We hauled our luggage from one level to the other, looking for the exit to the street where our hotel could be found. Information desks didn’t seem to exist and my phone wouldn’t get enough signal. Finally, I parked the family away from the milling crowd and went exploring. I paid careful attention to the signage and the instructions I had printed. Ah ha! There it was! A huge escalator led us from the depths to the bright sunlight and the street we needed. New York was ours to explore for days of adventure!
I’ll leave you with a comment offered in a recent retreat with Kristi Nelson. She shared with our group an intriguing question, “What are the opportunities and possibilities beckoning us, asking for our courage and commitment?” I think her question is important for all of us. We can’t eliminate the uncertainties and mysteries. But we can think of them as doors to a larger life and well-being. Maybe you can find that door soon.
CITED
Kristi Nelson, Wake Up Grateful: the transformational practice of taking nothing for granted. Storey Publishing, 2022.
Bruce Epperly, Praying with Process Theology: Spiritual practices for personal and planetary healing. River Lane Press, 2017.