Thrive with Prayer and Self-Worth

Most of us pray. What we think about our essential worth, the future, and God can help us thrive, or hinder, our prayer and our well-being. In this episode of Tracks for the Journey I explore exciting truths about relating to God, the openness of the future, and the vital need for positive self-worth. I share insights from Process Theology and Open Theism to challenge the toxic messages some receive about essential worth.

Segments include:
To pray is to believe God is aware
Self-worth is essential for prayer and well-being
Prayer creates the future with God

CITED

Thomas Jay Oord, Pluriform Love: An open and relational theology of well-being. SacraSage Press, 2022

Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning, Self-Esteem, 4th ed. New Harbinger Publications, Inc, 2016.

Bruce Epperly, Praying with Process Theology. River Lane Press, 2017.

Mark G. Karris, Divine Echoes: Reconciling prayer with the uncontrolling love of God. Quoir Press, 2018.

Transcript

In 1986 I completed my doctoral project on the subject of prayer. I wrote in the final report, “Prayer is a mystery hidden in the wisdom of God, yet a privilege given to the most simple of believers… Prayer is an invitation to speak with God… Prayer, in sad irony, sustained the Son of God in his earthly walk; yet all too rarely commands the discipline of his modern disciples.” During the months-long project I led the congregation to explore teachings and practices of prayer. Many participated in the classes and listened to the cutting-edge technology of cassette tapes for daily guidance! (You younger listeners can search online for “cassette tapes” to figure out what they are). The project was a great experience of learning.

I’m Larry Payne, your host for TFJ. I hope to enhance your well-being through progressive Christian spirituality, psychology, history, and science. In today’s world, I recognize that many people have real trouble with prayer. In this episode I want to explore the barriers that hold some back from this transformative practice. I think there may be a connection between how we think about our own identity and the practice of prayer. We might be deterred by misunderstanding our interaction with God, underestimating our worth, or being unaware of the privilege of creating the future. Let’s break down these barriers to thrive in our spiritual and emotional well-being.

I think of prayer as any communication with God. There are many types of prayer, including praise, lament, confession, and more. I’m focused today on petitionary prayer, in which we talk with God about a need we feel. All prayer carries a presupposition, of course, that I can give and receive messages with God. That’s an amazing assertion, really. For one thing, God must encompass all the universe, all 200 billion trillion stars and all the creatures that may inhabit their worlds. God can best be conceived as Being itself, the source and sustainer of all life, love, and energy in this vast universe. To pray is to believe that God is aware and cares about all creatures in this incomprehensibly immense place. My conscious presence is as small as the Nanoarchaeum microbe, the smallest earthly organism, compared to the Condor Galaxie, more than 500 million light years across. Some say it is just fantasy to believe God could be aware of me. And it may be. But I take comfort in the assertions of many faith traditions across the millennia—and my own experiences—that God exists and relates to every entity in the universe in a tangible way. In theology this is called Relational Theism, asserting that God is in dynamic relationship to every creature in the universe. The Divine is in, around, and through every aspect of each creature, in accordance with their capacities. This belief is foundational on every page of the Bible. Further, Relational Theism believes God responds, changes, and grows with every such episode. We are in a dance with God. Tom Oord says it this way, “God and creatures influence others and others influence them. Creatures affect God’s experience, and the divine experience changes in response. God’s nature is eternally unchanging, but as an experiential agent, God gives and receives in relations with creatures and creation” (Pluriform, 143). Prayer is central to this synergetic harmony. I hope you can grab on this amazing miracle of God relating to you at this moment.

If that’s too cerebral, then think of Margaret. In the popular book and movie by Judy Blume, Are You there God? It’s me Margaret, a teenage girl brings her struggles of growing up to life. She prays and seeks to find how God might be active in her life. She prays at one point, “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret. I just told my mother I want a bra. Please help me grow God. You know where.”

Another barrier to prayer deals with our own self-worth. Psychology recognizes self-worth as a foundational component for emotional well-being. Self-worth, or self-esteem, is the capacity to define who you are and how you feel about that identity. This judgment process infiltrates every thought and behavior. If a boy has identified himself as likable then he will talk with friends at lunch. If a girl identifies herself as having athletic prowess she will enjoy her teammates on the softball field. As Psychologist Matthew Mckay writes, “Self-esteem is essential for psychological survival.”

Let me paraphrase this by saying that self-esteem is essential for prayer and spirituality. Prayer is the language of one worthy being with another. Worth is a social property, a symptom of how I see myself in relationship to my family or community.  When thought patterns of worthlessness and shame dominate our thoughts then we don’t want to connect to anyone else. The negative voice within may have messages like, “I’m not smart enough to get this job,” of “No one wants a friend like me.” Such toxic messaging erodes how we perceive the value of our life. Tragically, our connection to God and ultimate meaning in life suffers as well.

I’m sad to confess the church in America has conveyed such toxic messaging as theological truth. Blacks were enslaved for centuries, forced behind walls of segregation, and even now suffer from systemic injustice. Native Americans were branded as mere savages to be driven out to the fringes of society. Women were  crushed by devaluing messages under patriarchal systems. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transexual persons are today victims of violence and exclusion at the hands of those who profess “God is love.”  Just this month Texas enacted a law banning gender-affirming care for minors, acting against the guidance of every medical and psychological professional organization and reversing years of effective treatment for gender dysphoria. This is wrong medically, emotionally, and ethically. It will be detrimental to thousands of youth and families. Millions of innocent people have been and are today traumatized by these evil systems. The church has advocated or accommodated these horrific actions and attitudes, betraying the teachings of Jesus to follow the idols of culture and fear.

If your spirituality has suffered from this, try to break through the human failure and listen to the deeper truths of Jesus. In his teachings we find a foundation for worth and esteem. As one example, consider the first words of the Lord’s Prayer, “Our Father.” In these simple words Jesus declares that all of us are beloved children of God, welcomed as sharing God’s image. You are valued so much that Jesus gave up his life to join in our suffering and bring the transformational power of love. Turn toward these truths even if some religious institutions fail to heed them. You can overcome the false messages which demean your worth. Consider this as a mantra, saying to yourself, “I am a beloved and worthy child of God.” Let that resonate in your soul. This God of love invites you for the dialogue of prayer today.

Finally, let me share a truth that may draw you to a new excitement about prayer. Through prayer we are creating the future with God. The future is open. Each moment builds on the reality of the past, the influences of the present, and the aims for what is yet to be. God has not predetermined with unilateral power and finality what will happen. The day of your death is not written in a secret book, not the winner of the 2050 Superbowl. You, God, and many other factors are linked in a matrix of interaction. This makes prayer vital. Every prayer is a thrilling collaboration with God to actualize a better world. Decades ago, I had a glimpse of this truth as I wrote, “Prayer, like the plow of the farmer or the centrifuge of the researcher, works in God’s world to change it for good.” Back then, I had a classic but inadequate view of God as far a far-away ruler of the universe who might grant a prayer I made. Today I set the awe-inspiring reality of prayer within the teachings of Process Theology. Process theology embraces the basic truth that the universe is dynamic, evolving, changing, and interconnected. God is within this dynamic universe, influencing all things, even as all things in turn affect God and others. This makes prayer critically important. The words of theologian Bruce Epperly help us. He writes, “When we pray, we align ourselves with God’s vision for us and experience greater divine energy. Our prayers, in an interdependent universe, create a field of force that enables God to be more active in our lives and the lives of those for whom we pray. Our prayers create new possibilities for divine and human activities and may influence the nonhuman world in amazing ways.” (Praying, 7)

Let’s go back to our young friend Margaret. We laugh at her naive prayer about her bust size. We know that this is a product of genetics fixed in the moment of conception. Both God and Margaret do have influence, however. God draws Margaret to good nutrition, healthy exercise, and positive body image. But Margaret must implement the lure of God toward well-being in practical living. Her choices will make the path. She could stray from the path to become obese. She could become a marathon runner with an A-cup size. Or she could want surgery to fulfill her body image cravings. The future of Margaret and her breasts is indeed open, a divine-human collaboration that is yet to be known. In all cases, God’s non-coercive love will seek in each moment to companion Margaret to her best life.

Psychologist Mark Karris uses a term I appreciate by calling this work “conspiring prayer.” He writes, “Conspiring prayer is performed with God rather than to God. Conspiring prayer is a form of prayer where we create space in our busy lives to align our hearts with God’s heart, where our spirit and God’s Spirit breathe harmoniously together, and where we plot together to subversively overcome evil with acts of love and goodness (Romans 12:21)… it is a collaborative dialogue, a friendship, a two-way street, an intimate dance between lovers. We share with God our joys, hopes, and grief about the present reality and our loving vision of what could be, and God shares his with us” (Echoes, 152).

You might want to think over your own prayer experience. What possibilities are there? Or, what have you been missing in this exciting journey of faith? Prayer doesn’t require a theology degree or holy living. All prayer requires is a tiny seed of faith that opens our heart to dialogue with God in whatever we want to share. God joins with us in interrelated process for the work of our shared world. We can bring our pain, hope, suffering, or celebration. We will grow in our self-esteem and spirituality. I hope you’ll develop this exciting practice on your journey to well-being.

CITED

Thomas Jay Oord, Pluriform Love: An open and relational theology of well-being. SacraSage Press, 2022

Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning, Self-Esteem, 4th ed. New Harbinger Publications, Inc, 2016.

Bruce Epperly, Praying with Process Theology. River Lane Press, 2017.

Mark G. Karris, Divine Echoes: Reconciling prayer with the uncontrolling love of God. Quoir Press, 2018.