The Queer Confidence Podcast
Want to become more confident? This show is for you. Learn tips for intimacy, dating, relationships, sex, people pleasing, boundaries, and more so you can confidently be your authentic self. Join Coach Alex Ray (he/she/they) and LGBTQIA+ guests. Visit coachalexray.com to learn more.
The Queer Confidence Podcast
She's Backkkk
What happens when an entrepreneur steps back from their podcast for eight months due to a whirlwind of life events? A mini identity crisis YAYYYYYY 🎉
This last year has been nuts, moving across the country, experiencing a breakup, hiring a new assistant, and juggling part-time work, just to name a few things I've been up to. This period of intense change sparked an identity crisis and compelled me to reassess my entrepreneur identity. Hear about the invaluable lessons I've learned about the importance of balance between work and self-care, and how I emerged stronger from this period of uncertainty.
My biggest realization (or reminder) since we last talked was that life is like art, it's open to our interpretation. I'll share how this perspective helped me appreciate the highs and lows of my journey. And candidly talk about the challenges of starting new projects, grappling with imposter syndrome, and how I've made sense of it all.
I'm back and ready to embark on this new phase of our journey together.
Missed ya!
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Hello, my unicorns, I'm nervous. Why am I so nervous? Oh, y'all, it has been freaking eight months since I last recorded an episode and chatted with you all. What the heck? Um, that was not my intention, not at all. Um, and I'm so glad to be back with you today and to be talking with you. Oh, my goodness, I missed you. Have you missed me? I know you've missed me because we've chatted online.
Coach Alex Ray:Many of you have reached out and I honestly wanted to say I really appreciate it, even though I haven't been able to record more episodes or been in a space to do it. I never felt pressured by any of you to like hurry up and create it right now and I appreciate, um, you just being understanding and, um patient with me while I get my life sorted out so I can come back here. I'm noticing there's a little bit of an echo. I've only tried to add a little bit of a blanket. That's a little bit better. Um, new space this is the first time I've recorded a podcast here. So you know, working the kinks out, here we go. We love kinks, we love all the kinks. Girl, I'm ranty because I missed you and also like I'm out of practice. Oof, hmm, it's just talking, alex, it's just talking. You talk every day. There's no problem here. Oh, okay, I'll. Here's my plan for today. I want to catch you up on what the fuck has been going on in my life and why it has taken me so long to get back to podcasting. Um, and then I want to tell you a little bit about my plan um, going forward with podcasting so that we can, um, we can get on the same page. Um, the format and stuff is going to be a little bit different and, um, I'm just excited to try out some new things with you all. That, I think, will be a whole lot better, um, for me and my energy levels and not getting um burnt out again. Um, so, yeah, let's get into it, huh.
Coach Alex Ray:So, first off, just an update on what I've been up to cause. Like what the heck? It's been a long time. Um, in that last episode I fully intended to get back to things in February but, um, you know, in hindsight I realized like no duh, of course I couldn't get back to things in February. I needed this time off.
Coach Alex Ray:So, um, let's just recap a few things. Like, first of all, I moved across the country just over a year ago. What I have been in San Diego now for a year and three months, that is so crazy to me, that's so cool. Anyway, I'm really feeling settled in here and this really does feel like home, even though I haven't quite built up the same kind of um network, I guess I'll say, of like friends and people that are close to me as I did back in Maryland, and so I am still missing some of that Um. But uh, you know, it's going to come with time. So I'm really proud of myself for for being here and again, this really does feel like home.
Coach Alex Ray:So, um, yeah, last year what, what the heck happened? Moved across the country. I broke up with that loser that you all had the pleasure of hearing about. Um. I was single for less than two weeks before I met someone new Um from what I remember I think I talked about that a bit on the podcast, talked about him, shared about him, um, and anyway, yeah, that was like quick. Uh, you'll remember my assistant quit last year. He was fantastic, love working with him. And then I heard a new assistant who was fucking amazing. That's Cole. You heard him in the last episode. If you haven't heard that, go back and listen to it. He's um a freaking rock star and if you need an assistant, hire him. He's so good, so reliable and um, he's the one that really took care of the podcast um, like show notes editing, et cetera for the last um, well, I guess since June, like starting in June last year, I think so months um working together and um, he also helped out with my programs and it was just really great working with him. But, let's be honest, like having someone quit, hiring someone new um training them and getting used to a new person and a new cadence Like that was a bit. You know, it did take um effort, um, that's the.
Coach Alex Ray:I've been trying to make new friends, obviously because I moved to a new place, um, my finances got tighter um towards the end of last year and I got scared. I started a part-time job, which then triggered an identity crisis because, like I have just seen myself and to find myself by um my status as an entrepreneur for years now, since January 2017. That's when I kind of started the entrepreneur journey, um, even though I did have businesses before that, um, but that was really I don't know. I guess I think part of it. It really felt more like who I am. I guess at that point I don't know. Hmm, I'm thinking about loud here, but anyway, it was a y'all.
Coach Alex Ray:I went through a fucking little miniature identity crisis, freaking out about like who am I? Am I a failure? What the heck am I doing? A year ago, I led a business mastermind and helped other queer entrepreneurs build their business up, and now I'm. What am I doing? Am I giving up? Uh, I'm going and getting a part-time job. And it's so funny because, like when my clients would say, hey, I'm in this tight money spot and I need to take care of my business, I'd be like go get a job, duh, go get a side job and use that to support yourself while you keep building your business. But it was like I wouldn't give myself permission to believe that that could be true about myself.
Coach Alex Ray:Uh, let's see, I started working on some new, very amazing but very new and kind of intimidating projects Early last year. You may have seen I shared on Instagram a bit about it Davey Wavy and I who was on a few episodes ago he and I are working on a project together now. So I wrote a series for Hammeros and we're going to be starting filming next year, in 2024. So I'm really excited about that. But like, wow, talk about intimidating to like the writing at porn series. That's something I've never done before. I've never written anything like that. You know I've. The closest I've gotten is I've written workbooks or like school papers, writing a kind of screenplay sort of thing. Different writing porn, different working in the porn industry and having this kind of okay, wow, like this is going to be, like I'm going to literally be there working on set.
Coach Alex Ray:I think I just had a bit of imposter syndrome around that and kind of getting used to like no, I can do this. I mean, I know I can do this, but it's a lot to process for the mind, you know. Let's see, I moved in with my boyfriend in January. So yeah, we live together now and that has come with just a whole new set of challenges that I didn't expect going in and are very normal. It's been helpful talking to other couples and kind of understanding things.
Coach Alex Ray:I also got back to therapy last year. I think I shared that with you all on here already, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm back in therapy. That's been really good and have been working through there. I've been really encouraged by the fact that he said I've actually worked with two therapists now and both have said that my boyfriend and I are working through things in a really healthy way, and so I appreciate that encouragement.
Coach Alex Ray:But, like still y'all, it's been a journey and I've had lots of spurts of like anxiety and fear and just getting used to things that have just been a challenge for me. So sorting through that stuff has been definitely like a source of energy drain, although maybe I don't want to say it like that, maybe I'd rather actually say it's been a. It's been something that has been worth putting my energy into and that I want to put my energy into. But again, I'm trying to give you some context to what's been going on in my life and hopefully two things will come out of that. One, you'll be understanding of why I wasn't on the podcast and two, you'll also be able to apply this to your life and maybe give yourself a little bit of a break when you're going through a lot and you're processing a lot and you need to just take a break from some things that you may feel guilty or ashamed of needing to take a break from. That's where I was, anyway. Let's see Another thing that I've been working through was, and still is, feeling distant and disconnected from a couple close friends back in Maryland.
Coach Alex Ray:You know, I really I miss them and oh God, I'm now. I'm getting emotional. I don't need to cry with you all the first episode I'm back in nearly a freaking year. Anyway, I miss them a lot and I am enjoying the new friends that I'm making here in San Diego, but they're not a replacement for my friends back in Maryland. It has been challenging for us to make time to connect with each other. I've talked with them and I do want to make more of an effort to be intentional about that.
Coach Alex Ray:I think that was also another source of instability in my life. On top of all of this, I also just started feeling really guilty. The more time that went on that I wasn't back to the podcast, even though I told you I'd be back in February, the more time that went on that I was not keeping that promise, the more guilty I felt. I knew in that that I did not want to return to the podcast out of guilt. I was not going to do that. Hell. No, I've done things like that before and then that will just build up to resentment. I knew that I wanted to work through that guilt and that shame the guilt and shame around the podcast, the guilt and shame around getting a part-time job and make peace with those things and be okay with those things before I came back to the podcast, so that this was truly out of the overflow. This was truly out of me wanting to be here and excited to be here and able to be here as the big, amazing, vibrant coach Alex Wright that you know. Not me giving myself a guilt trip and just doing something because I think I'm supposed to. The content just would be crap and we don't do that here.
Coach Alex Ray:There's probably something else I've missed. I don't know if I think of it later, maybe I'll add it, but those are all the things that have come to mind. All in all, I've just been trying to navigate my personal life. With all these different things happening. I did not have the space or the energy to be podcasting. I'm happy to say, I'm proud to say and excited to say that I am in a place now where I'm really excited to be returning to you all. I have genuinely missed this. I miss the energy that I get to be in here. I miss putting on Coach Alex Ray and being this badass bitch that hugs unicorns and rides them across the rainbow into the sunrise or sunset or something. I just miss this badass bitch energy and it's been kind of boring without this. So I'm really excited to be back. Let's see. Oh, I wrote down in my notes here. I'm going to read this to you because I was proud of this.
Coach Alex Ray:I've missed this powerful, badass version of me as I have been cocooning and now I am ready to emerge from my chrysalis Y'all fun story. It's a short story. I named my car chrysalis because I felt like it was my gorgeous chrysalis, my cocoon, to go in and be just my safe place. It just sort of transports me from here to there and I get to be off at home and I get in my chrysalis and I arrive and step out of the vehicle at an event as the badass bitch, coach Alex Ray. It's been fun, she's awesome. I'm so enjoying her. Okay, let's see, I want to share with you a lesson, right? So that's kind of the next part of this. Here's the lesson that I've learned in the last eight months as I've been riding up and down these waves. I wrote this on my phone.
Coach Alex Ray:I, kind of like, came to this phrase while watching the sunset the other night and I had been processing some anxiety and some frustrations. And I was watching the sunset there's a palm tree that was between me and the sign and it was just perfectly fading behind the palm tree and the sky was just filled with gorgeous, amazing colors. And I had this aha moment where I was like, whoa, I have so much to be grateful for, so much to be thankful for, so much to appreciate, so much to be happy about. Why am I focused on this small thing that really is not significant? It's really like no big deal, honestly, in the long run or in the big picture of my life, what am I doing? Being miserable right now. And so I, out loud, started just saying I appreciate the fact that I am in this beautiful place and this wonderful weather that we're experiencing right now, and I appreciate this gorgeous sunset in front of me. I'm so thankful that I had the courage to move out here to San Diego. I'm so happy that I have been meeting new, amazing, wonderful people out here and that I've been able to do some new things that I never thought I'd do. I'm so just excited to be getting back to the things that really light me up.
Coach Alex Ray:About two weeks ago, I did my second in-person workshop since I moved here, and that was just amazing and that lit me up. And so, anyway, y'all, I just went on this tangent out loud for a good five minutes, just appreciating, thanking, enjoying things about my life, and I was like what the heck this is so funny? Why have I been upset about this one thing so much? I don't know. It's just it doesn't need to be that big of a deal, like what am I doing anyway with this? This thing isn't me. Come on, let's go, let's move on. And so I had this thought, this phrase under my mind and this is the one that I was getting to earlier, this phrase under my mind after going on that tangent, watching the sunset behind the beautiful palm tree, and that phrase was it's all just art waiting to be interpreted. It's all just art waiting to be interpreted. And I truly believe that.
Coach Alex Ray:I believe that it works so much better for me to look at life from a little step back, instead of being so in it and just feeling overcome by life and getting crashed by all the waves. Taking a step back, allowing myself to feel a little bit distant, a little bit kind of a view from above of life or a view from outside. It helps me feel more like an observer and then I can appreciate it so much more because when I'm in it like I'm only appreciating it in the moment maybe, or I'm thinking about something else and I'm not even paying attention when I'm stepped back looking at my life, it's so much easier to be an observer and appreciate so many things about the beautiful artwork of life and the ugly stuff that I'm not into. There's so much less of a big deal because, again, I don't have to spend my time in that hallway of the art gallery. That great that ugly art exists that I am not interested in, that I don't want to hang out with. Okay, well, I'm going to go through some ugly things in life that I don't like and I don't want to be in. But do I really need to buckle down and really fully identify with that? No, I can step back and observe it like art.
Coach Alex Ray:When I was in high school I started doing some classes at the community college because I was homeschooled and my first class was a photography class. It was black and white film. It was amazing. The professor of that class did a really good job of having us do art critiques, and an art critique was just where everyone set up their photo series around the room and as a group we discussed it. What did we observe about it? What was interesting to us? What thoughts or feelings did the photos, the art, spark in us? What did we like about it? What did we not like about it? What did it mean to us? And it was so fun getting to do that and then hear the artist's interpretation of what they did and how it kind of differed from my experience of their art and vice versa.
Coach Alex Ray:I really enjoyed getting to hear other people's interpretations of the art that I created and the feelings and thoughts that sparked for them, and then knowing that oftentimes my intention was the same as what they would say, but plenty of the time my intention was different from what they took from it, and it was really really cool for me to just hear another perspective about this art that I created that was different from my own. And so what that has allowed me to do with art and what I'm really turning up in my life I've done it before, but it's like I've forgotten about it, y'all, and I just needed to remember. It is just to look at life like that, like, hey, interpretation is everything. Otherwise, it's just art on its own. Without interpretation, it's just there. It doesn't really have any meaning until we interpret it. It's just colors or shapes or pixels or, in the case of black and white photography, little silver dust, essentially. Isn't that cool? Did you know that it's black and white film? And I believe the photos too, are silver particles like the metal. So cool, not like the metal, it is the metal silver. So, anyway, this perspective, bringing it back has really allowed me to step back and appreciate things and also just not feel overwhelmed or overcome or over identified with the things that bring me anxiety or that I don't like or that frustrate me or piss me off. So that is my reminder to you today, or my little lesson for this episode is it's all just art waiting to be interpreted. It's all just art waiting to be interpreted. Okay, you got your lesson. We got a little recap, we got to connect.
Coach Alex Ray:I want to propose something new for us, so I want to do things a little bit differently around here. Now that I've had some time away from the podcast, I knew that, like I needed, I needed, wanted, am going to switch some things up. First off, I want to make it a whole lot more collaborative. I want this to be like a collaborative project y'all that we are working on together. Yes, I'm doing the bulk of the work by all this recording and posting etc. But, like I want you to be a little more involved, I want to work on this together, our little project together. So I need your help with some things.
Coach Alex Ray:The first thing is I need some help with topic ideas. I love coming up with topic ideas. I think I'm pretty good at it, but I also noticed that when all of the creative pressure was on me like that, it was really exhausting, and so what I want to propose is that I really encourage you and you really respond more with some topic ideas, with people or questions that you want on the podcast. So if you would like to make suggestions for the podcast, you have a person who you think would be a good guest, or you want to nominate yourself, you have a question that you want me to answer on the podcast, or you have a topic idea for the podcast, would you please email me at podcast at coachalexraycom. That's podcast at coachalexraycom. That will also be down in the show notes for you. But, like, come on, let's do this project together and I really want to make content that is really relevant and useful and helpful and exciting for you to listen to as well, instead of just kind of like I don't know. Sometimes I feel a little bit like a preacher just ranting at you, and y'all know at this point how I feel about preachers and I am not into that, don't want to do it. So would you come along with me and make this project collaborative? I'm excited.
Coach Alex Ray:The other thing I want to ask your help with is supporting the show financially. There is a link down in the show notes now where you can donate every month to just be a supporter of the show. It's just three bucks a month to donate. You can donate more if you'd like, but your support of the show financially will really help. Right now you know the show is. It costs me money, it costs me time to produce, to host it. I don't Most people don't know, but you have to pay monthly fees in order to have your podcast published, unless you have your own server that you like run, which even then then you'd have to like have the server at your house running all the like electricity, whatever. Anyway, this costs money y'all, and so I would love to have your support. If you are able Again, just $3 a month to support the show, and this will also help me keep this as keep this ad free as long as possible.
Coach Alex Ray:I may eventually have to do sponsored content or ads in the show just to be able to make this work financially, but I really want to put that off as long as possible. So the more of you who are willing to donate, the longer it will be until I have to add ads, or maybe, in an ideal world, I would love to just never add ads to the show, because I think it's an interruption and I really like being able to have this space where it's just you and I chatting. We don't need an ad from. I'm not even going to say their names, but you know all the companies that are fucking obnoxious on podcasts, like we don't need to hear from them again. Okay, wonderful. So join me in that, join me making, in making this project more collaborative and, lastly, I really want to avoid burnout as I enter back into the podcast.
Coach Alex Ray:So what we're going to do to start is an every other week cadence, and we're going to see how that goes. As things progress and as I'm able to like adjust the time spent on other projects and areas of life, I may be able to up that to a weekly cadence again, or we might go to seasons instead of just every single week and, mike, we might do, like I don't know, 12 episodes, seasons or something, who knows? We're going to feel it out together. This is going to be a living, breathing, evolving project and I'm really excited for that. That feels so much more human to me instead of robotic, and I just I can't do the robotic shit anymore. So there we go. I'm also changing the day of the week that the podcast goes live. Instead of coming out on Thursdays, the podcast is going to go live on Tuesdays now. So this is the first of the new cadence. Again, we're going to go every other week for now, and that's that.
Coach Alex Ray:So, yeah, here we are, we are back at it, you and me. We're chatting again, we're having a great time, or hanging out, me and your ears just ranting at you. No, smooth talking, you is more like it. Thanks for welcoming me, welcoming me back into your life. I appreciate and value this opportunity and I really just want you to know that. So I'm excited to be back here and I've got some amazing guests that I'm reaching out to to create some more episodes that, will you know, come out soon and we'll be back. We'll be back soon. So here we go With that. My friend was lovely chatting with you today and I'll see you next Tuesday, or see you next next Tuesday. Bye.
