The Queer Confidence Podcast
Want to become more confident? This show is for you. Learn tips for intimacy, dating, relationships, sex, people pleasing, boundaries, and more so you can confidently be your authentic self. Join Coach Alex Ray (he/she/they) and LGBTQIA+ guests. Visit coachalexray.com to learn more.
The Queer Confidence Podcast
Quincy Bazen: Comedy and His Journey to Authenticity
Welcome to a hilarious behind the scenes chat with Quincy Bazen, the multi-talented stand up comedian and co-host of the Dom Pop podcast. Take a peak into his world growing up a Navy brat, to co-creating a hit podcast, and making the daring move of relocating to sunny Los Angeles. There's never a dull moment as Quincy humorously shares his experiences, whether it's about his desire to pretentiously add accents to his name or his personal journey with ADHD.
This episode takes a deeper dive into Quincy's love for the performing arts and his knack for balancing multiple careers. You'll hear about his personal growth through his acting career, his passion for writing and directing, and his web series 'Rest in Pieces'. But that's not all, Quincy also opens up about his liberating journey of coming out, the struggles, and the joys of embracing his queer identity. Our conversation is sure to keep you gripped as we navigate the challenging terrain of authenticity, social expectations, and the journey to self-confidence.
We also delve into the realities of living a public life, dealing with people’s perceptions, and the relentless pursuit of self-acceptance. Quincy and I share our experiences, the highs and lows of performing in front of vast audiences, and the strains of managing an online presence. We also discuss how therapy, and plastic surgery played roles in boosting his confidence. Expect a heartening chat full of laughs, insights, and a whole lot of inspiration.
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Hello, hello, my unicorns, welcome back to another special guest episode of the Queer Confidence podcast. I am so excited today to introduce you to comedian co-host of the Dom Pop podcast and my hair idol, Quincy ae.
Quincy Bazen:Hello, wait, I love that you pronounced my last name correctly. I'm already feel like I'm at home here.
Coach Alex Ray:I'm so glad you know. Usually I check that before we hit record and I forgot to you didn't need to.
Quincy Bazen:You were so strong and right. You were like I love it.
Coach Alex Ray:Excellent, thank you. In my head I hesitated there for a moment. It was like oh fuck, just go for it.
Quincy Bazen:We can re-record if we need to. No, you had to nail that, nailed it. All of my teachers in high school shaking.
Coach Alex Ray:Why? How do they usually?
Quincy Bazen:Your last name seems sort of easy to pronounce to me, I think so it's like there's an E which makes you assume that you should think it's a hard A noise. But now people go Bazen all the time Bazen. I get mailed still to this day. That says brazen. I'm like we're just throwing in extra letters. Now you should just teach a seminar and then we'll be good to go.
Coach Alex Ray:I mean brazen. What an iconic name to have.
Quincy Bazen:I thought about changing my name before I started pursuing my career. I thought about just adding an asterisk over the A, not an asterisk, but like an accent. Thank you. Oh my God, an accent over the A, just so people knew exactly where to hit it with. All my friends told me it looked too pretentious, so I didn't do that.
Coach Alex Ray:I mean pretentious might not even be bad in this industry anyway.
Quincy Bazen:Let's just say everyone has to be a little bit pretentious to make it right. So when I, if I don't make it, I'm going to believe my friends for not letting me put the accents on my A.
Coach Alex Ray:Well, at least you have someone else to blame, so that you don't have to blame yourself Ever.
Quincy Bazen:Okay, I'm not going to take responsibility for my actions.
Coach Alex Ray:The perfect introduction to a podcast on confidence. Oh my God, okay, no, for real, though, give a, give everyone a little. Introduce that introduction Intra. Ooh, that sounds sturdy. Okay, introduction to yourself. Who are you? What do you do?
Quincy Bazen:I put me on the spot. I'm not used to being the center of attention, that's not true. Okay, my name is Quincy Bayeson. Like you nailed, I am a comedian living in Los Angeles, california, but I still feel new to LA. I just moved here, like we were talking about before we reported. I just moved here after the pandemic in 2021. Before that, I was in San Diego for a couple of years. I think San Diego was like my toe step into moving to California, because I just moved across the country without a job, without anything. I just wanted to be. You know where the lights and beaches are. But my best friend, who I moved with, hates LA, the lack of change, so I couldn't convince her to move with me. So we did San Diego and I loved that. But before that I was actually a tour manager for the world's largest student home festival, which feels like another lifetime now, but I was the director of that festival for a couple of years and before that I was a Navy brat. I moved a. Can I curse? Do we curse?
Coach Alex Ray:Oh, absolutely, we like to say the fuck word here.
Quincy Bazen:It was really great because I was going to say I moved what historians have called a fuck ton of times before I graduated high school. I think it was like 14 or 15 times before I graduated high school and then through a loophole and did up in Florida because of in state tuition and is that a bio? I don't know. I need to work on my elevator pit for myself. I guess I think that works. I'm a child of the world is what I'm trying to say. I'm in Europe mostly, and then yeah, oh my God, that was awful. I need a button. I need like a hook. I have no hook or button.
Quincy Bazen:I love that I told her for universe too. Like sorry for those of you trying to keep track, I was just bouncing all around.
Coach Alex Ray:I'm ADHD.
Quincy Bazen:Everyone listening knows that Okay, great, and I didn't take my Adderall this morning.
Coach Alex Ray:Y'all welcome to the most chaotic episode ever. Here we go.
Quincy Bazen:Anyone who listened to my podcast also expects nothing but chaos. So, absolutely, you're from Dump Hop, you're right at home.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, okay, tell everyone a little bit about your show.
Quincy Bazen:Oh, dump Hop, Product of the pandemic. So many podcasts are my best friend and I are. Entire text thread for the past decade has just been us talking about the pop girls and you know what the these rollouts or like what our favorite rollouts are, how the singles are stacking up and it's just all this like stupid gay conversation. You know that there that we love to have and I was like I bet there are people who are interested in having these baggie conversations with us.
Coach Alex Ray:And I don't know not many gays are into pop music.
Quincy Bazen:No, it's pretty niche, I'm learning, but we started it in 2021 and we're so. We're in our third season now and every week we just tackle an album. We go track by track, which is really fun. We get to talk, not only like the big hits every you know but like the deep cuts, and we get to do like, I mean just everybody, we just did our hundredth episode a few months ago. Congratulations, thank you, it's so, it's I don't know. It's fun, it's nice.
Quincy Bazen:So, like a force during the pandemic, it was nice to just like keep in touch with my bestie, but now it's I mean, it's work, as I'm sure you know. Like it's, it's work. Yeah, I'm top of that, but it's a. It's a project that was really, really passionate about, and now we started interviewing other artists, which is super exciting and kind of adding new elements to it. The best part about it that was every year we do our own awards show, because we don't care about the Grammys, but the nominees dot, dot, dot is where it's at, okay, that's where the real winners are awarded, okay, but I love it's just, it's just a fantasy. We just live in our own little fantasy world and we Kiki and for whatever reason people seem to like to listen to it, so it all works out.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, I really like I listened to part of a couple episodes because I wanted to like get like learn a little bit about you before having you on the show and I love the like BDSM Dominic tricks vibe that you all have with this show.
Quincy Bazen:Well see, because the T is in my, my pre not pre performing because I performed on my life, but pre like pursuing performing full time. I was a marketing gay, like so many other days are, and so I'm big on the branding and I love to brand. I love to put my Canva pro membership straight to work.
Coach Alex Ray:So I think all of that came from.
Quincy Bazen:I think the like all of the dominatrix stuff came from. We were just like shooting this shit up. We were going to call the podcast when we were developing. It was called pop goes poof, but then again, like I just didn't, I couldn't see it. I couldn't, really couldn't see the structure or whatever. And then my friends who I think was single at the time, something someone messaged him about he was they were looking for a Dom Top and I was like that's it. Like that's it, it's Dom Pop and it's just this BDSM gay music fantasy. Yeah, the rest is her story. There you go.
Coach Alex Ray:Quite frankly, the whip sound effects do it for me.
Quincy Bazen:Yeah, like in the demo of the pilot. Demo of the pilot. See, I can be pretentious, I don't need the accent I was trying to incorporate, like handcuff noises and like shackling, and I'm like, no, it's too much. Like you got to buy it, like it's too much. But yes, love a good web.
Coach Alex Ray:Absolutely. I don't do any sound effects on this podcast yet, but you know if, if and when I do, that's absolutely at the top three sound effects. I never.
Quincy Bazen:I did an interview a couple of weeks ago on one of my friends podcasts and she basically records live with like a sound board and iPad, so anytime either one of us wanted to play a sound effect, we just press the corresponding button and there was like a shade rattle or there was like I might wait, you might have cracked this code, because that's way less work. Also then, like the seven hours and editing I'm doing every week.
Coach Alex Ray:Right.
Quincy Bazen:I don't know. I might have to look into that.
Coach Alex Ray:That's a great idea. Send me that info when you get it.
Quincy Bazen:I want the like instant sound board.
Coach Alex Ray:I don't like listening back to it later and editing. I make notes as I go.
Quincy Bazen:If there's any parts that I need to like, clip you know, as I'm rambling, you're like, okay, we're cutting, whatever the fuck you say right now, right.
Coach Alex Ray:I've lost interest. I'm looking out the window. I have no idea what we're talking about anymore. Right, yeah.
Quincy Bazen:I feel like I enjoy it better when, like because, like I mean, like we've done so many episodes now, like sometimes we're not always doing like an album that we're obsessed with, which I think is part of the reason we wanted to like interject interviews now is, like I don't ever want it to become a chore. I wanted like it's work, but it's it's work that I'm passionate about. I can't we're just like talking about an album because we have to put out an episode, then neither of us are enthusiastic and then those are the episodes that I find that I'm not really having fun editing. Because, like, I'm not fun editing I used to be a video editor for a long time Like I think it's good for my ADHD to like it's very detail oriented and like it's a good task. But again, like, if the content isn't interesting to me as the producer, then like I don't really feel like it's going to be that interesting to the consumers either. You know.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, 100%, 100%. You're in the right industry, absolutely All right, tell us a little bit more. I want to hear more about your journey becoming a comedian Becoming a comedian. Yeah, like how the fuck did you get here? Have you always known that you wanted to get into comedy? Is this like a new or? Thing?
Quincy Bazen:No, it's definitely. It's a newer thing. I hate to keep talking about the pandemic, but it really was a form of a time In a wakeening Right. Well, I mean, I think for so many people, it gave us an opportunity to really sit with the lives that we've made. You know, physically, obviously, like I'm in this space, who are the people that I've surrounded myself with? Where am I at with my life? You know, I was fortunate enough that I didn't lose my job. I was already working remotely for that film festival prior to the pandemic. So, for the record, I was working remote before. It was cool.
Coach Alex Ray:Same thing here for like shining our credentials.
Quincy Bazen:You know what it is. I mean we'll get into this later and like the confidence portion, but I just like I really struggle with authority and I really struggle with anyone telling me what to do ever. So the freedom of working remote was a beacon for me from the onset, I think, of my professional life. But I mean, I've always been a performer. I've been an actor since I was seven, six. My mom loves to tell the story about me disappearing in the McDonald's playground and then when she found me 10 minutes later, I was yelling action and I had recreated like a retelling of the Titanic with all of these children I had just met. Oh my God, because on top of being a performer my entire life, I've been a control freak since I came out of the loom. But you know, I grew up on military bases. I moved pretty much every single year. So like I would, you know, finish my grade and then we'd move during the summer, do a grade and during the summer, and so all I had as a constant was theater and I would just seek out theater. And you know, theater freaks are easy to bond with because you know, we're all, we're all a bit of an outcast and you know, as the perpetual new kid on the block, it was easier for me to kind of like just sink my teeth into that and chart away forward. So I majored in theater, but nowhere we're majoring in theater mattered. I was in Tampa, florida, and I got involved with this film festival and then it hit me I was like, well, I don't really need a degree in theater, I want to pursue acting, or you can just pursue acting. So I just changed my major to mass com and then got involved with the film festival, the other yada, yada, yada. And then was actually pursuing writing and directing.
Quincy Bazen:For a while and right before the pandemic I was working on a web series called rest, in pieces Kind of autobiographical, but only in the sense that like the characters had, like my character had my own name and it was just like this kind of cartoon version of myself and me and my two best friends were the other characters and I wrote and directed it and it was actually meant to be a six part like full length, 30 minute sitcom fantasy, incredible. We kind of, because one of my friends lived in Denver at the time. Our shooting schedule was kind of staggered, and so by the time the pandemic hit, we only had one episode shot in full and it was the third episode. So I ended up. I was just like so itching to like do something. I was like, well, okay, well, scrap everything else and I'll just put this episode out as its own web series. So I chopped it up into three bits and I promoted it over 2020. And then I was just kind of twiddling my sums in 2021 started the podcast and I was okay, that's great.
Quincy Bazen:But then after four months I was like I need more, like I'm not fulfilled. I wasn't doing any theater, wasn't doing any acting, but I didn't have the tools or the community anymore to be doing full like web series episodes. I'm like what can I do 100% of the time with my own time? Like what can I devote as much effort as I want to and see that progress? And I ended up turning to stand up because I was like, well, I can tell these stories and I can do the performing thing and I can do the writing thing, and I don't need to like fly my friend in from Denver, I don't need to fly my cinematographer down from San Francisco, I don't need to get five people together for three days at a time which is way harder than it sounds, also when you have no money, and so it just became. It became, I guess.
Quincy Bazen:I guess it was born out of necessity, but now, you know, I'm in the process of writing like two different one man shows and I think that that's something I'm finding about my. My voice as a comedian to is like I think for a while I was, I was stuck in this mind. Instead of okay, stand up, is like you go up and you're like, well, here's this and here's this joke, blah, blah, blah. But that was never my writing style and it's never been my performing style either.
Quincy Bazen:So I think, specifically the last year or so, trying to weave in my own identity, into my my material has been really fun, and I think, if you come see one of my shows, I'm very conversational. I'm just like he came with my girls and I'm an open book, so I talk about all kinds of stuff from, like mental health to my sex life and things like that. So I think that I don't know. It's a. It's a very much an ongoing journey and it's very much something I'm still learning about. I'm putting up my first hour this fall with plans not going to do another one next spring, because I just want to like kind of throw everything I've got at the wall and then see what can happen to know, because I just, I just can't I just want to wait around.
Quincy Bazen:I'm too impatient. Also is another thing to know about me. I'm the most impatient person I know. I mean even just like the last year that it's taken to kind of like work on the material and get to it like I would be doing it every fucking day if I could and didn't need to like pay bills and, you know, do regular bullshit stuff.
Coach Alex Ray:Yes, totally.
Quincy Bazen:Super long answer. I hope it made sense. I hope we tracked it from absolutely did.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, I think one of the you do. You have another job that supports you to while you do all this.
Quincy Bazen:Yeah, I still do copyrighting. So I do like copyrighting like a medical marijuana company. Great, Any like fun cutesy little weed strain you're reading about. I could have wrote it. I could have wrote it probably did.
Coach Alex Ray:There's a lot of accents on all the a's you know.
Quincy Bazen:You know, that's my calling card.
Coach Alex Ray:I think it's important for for people to hear that too, because I know I, being around the world of like a lot of entrepreneurs for the last oh God how many years seven years really got this image that, oh, you just sort of like quit everything, you go in and then you're just successful and then that is not how the world works. That's not how it works. And I love hearing other people that are willing to be like oh no, like this is my dream, this is my passion, this is what I my main thing, but like I also have like a fucking full time job that supports all this shit.
Quincy Bazen:You know, when I first moved to LA and people were asking me like what I did, I would tell them that I was a copywriter, which, like I look back on, like why did I ever tell anybody that like that's like where I get 90% of my income and like that's how, like it's what I have to do to like support myself and support it's like my family, but I, I mean that's not who I am, that's what I have to do to support what I am, which is like a performer and actor, comedian. That you're absolutely right. Like nobody talks about the hustle, as much as I hate that, the grind, quote unquote but it's very real and very prevalent in my life and I think most other performers lives.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, also like golden tip number one of the day. If you are pursuing a like new career, if you're pursuing a new future, whatever it is, stop identifying yourself with the old version.
Quincy Bazen:I saw some.
Coach Alex Ray:God.
Quincy Bazen:Sorry, I'm gonna interrupt you.
Quincy Bazen:I saw some tweet like I actually think it was before the pandemic. I wish I could attribute the quote, but it was basically like if you're, if you're, stop calling yourself like an aspiring filmmaker or a fire, like if you're making anything, like you're doing it, like that's what you are. Like adding the aspiring in front of it is already minimizing what you're doing and it just puts out that energy that you don't view yourself as on par with all these other people in the industry. Like it's a, it's a mentality of yourself, it's a mentality for others, because Lord knows how the other half of the work is networking and getting other people to believe in you. So that's something that I forgot about, I think, for a long time, but from the past year I've been trying to just own it, you know, just fake it to you may get yeah, or it's not even really faking it at that point though.
Quincy Bazen:Yeah, also true. See, there we go again. See like I'm still still. It still feels like faking, everything feels like faking, even when you're making.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, even orgasm sometimes.
Quincy Bazen:No, don't fake orgasm, not in my experience.
Coach Alex Ray:I have before faked orgasms, but it was just like I was so miserable and this is like a few years ago, like hooking up, and I was like I just want to get out of here. I'm like, oh, wow, that was great. Okay, thank you, bye.
Quincy Bazen:Well, but you see the problem with men faking orgasms or those of us with penises faking orgasms. Is there really has to be evidence of such an orgasm and I'm like well, I'm not here to like give you, exhibit a like, I'm just going to have to figure out a way to come and then get the fuck out of here.
Coach Alex Ray:I would pretend when I was topping and I'd be like oh god, it's in there, okay, bye. And then like yeah, I get to leave before they find out that they had no deposit.
Quincy Bazen:Oh yeah.
Coach Alex Ray:Anyway, we don't fake anymore.
Quincy Bazen:No, no, no, no. I don't think I've ever faked an orgasm. Actually, I just would genuinely like okay, I'm good, I don't think it's going to happen to me.
Coach Alex Ray:Honestly, I love that. See, we were talking also y'all before starting, about how we've learned that honesty is, oh my god, so important in relationships, but we'll get that to that later. I want to hear more about your coming out journey, because you told me that you, you know you grew up in the military, moving around everywhere and then came to the states and college. Like, when did you come out and what was that like for you? I've never interviewed anyone on the podcast. It's had to come out in like a military family setting.
Quincy Bazen:Well, this is actually what my show is about. My show is called don't ask, don't tell, and it's all about.
Quincy Bazen:I mean just just that. It's about my journey growing up, you know, in a conservative Christian military home abroad. You know I was in high school. I went to high school in Bahrain, which is a country off the coast of Saudi Arabia. So very pick my words carefully it's. I wouldn't say that it's the most liberal place you could go, certainly not the most forward thinking. So I think for me it was like whatever the opposite of exposure therapy is like.
Quincy Bazen:I didn't meet a gay person until I was in college back in the States and it was very much like I was just thrown into the deep end. I mean maybe not the deep end, because I still went to college in Florida in 2011, but it was like a very crazy awakening to me. I remember I came out to my best friends summer after I graduated high school. I told her that I was bisexual. Because I believed that I was bisexual, I thought that I would maybe hook up with some dude like fiddle at each other a little, and then it'd be out of my system and I was going to marry a woman and maybe we just wouldn't have a super exciting sex life. But that was the life ahead of me and then, over the course of my freshman year for no reason in particular, I guess, just like getting older and developing more critical thinking I came to the conclusion that I was not bisexual and I was just gay, and that in itself was very much okay, obviously. But I think it's interesting to talk about these things now, because this was over a decade ago. Like the thought of being in the closet or the thought of not embracing my queer identity. It makes me laugh. Like I feel like I'm chuckling now because it just seems so far removed from who I am. Like I'm just a queer little bitch. Like I love being gay, I love being queer.
Quincy Bazen:Because I think what's so exciting about being queer is like coming out is just the first barrier. Like it's this first fuck you to society. That like I don't play by these rules that you've set up for me, I don't have to live within these four walls that you've built around me and you and the world. And once you've broken through that barrier, like every other barrier just seems really weak and feeble. And then you realize that you can have so much more freedom in your life. You can dress however you want, you can express yourself in any way that you want, you can hang out with people that are really really fun and interesting and queerer than you are, and that's exciting and these people are gonna bring out more of your identity. And you know, obviously I live in LA so it's not that hard to like find these communities here. But the little bits that I was getting in Florida at the time was really really exciting.
Quincy Bazen:In it it almost like in the same way that like when you're like kissing a boy for the first time, like it feels. It feels I don't wanna say wrong because obviously I don't know but there's like this itch in the back of your mind like oh, like what is this? This is strange and it's new to me, but I think I like it and I think I wanna explore this more. I think that that's what a lot of my college years were and even beyond that, I think that that's what my twenties were. My twenties were coming to not terms, but coming to the light and the joy of just like living as a free, queer person. Love that.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah.
Quincy Bazen:There was another long answer for you, sorry have it alert.
Coach Alex Ray:I know why you're apologizing. This is your guest interview. You get to talk a lot.
Quincy Bazen:No, I just ran, I just talked. I literally just went to visit my mom like two weeks ago and she just kept talking, and talking, and talking. And I'm like girl, why are you still talking? And I'm like oh God, oh God.
Coach Alex Ray:It's really and that's where you get it from, Literally, and I was like my.
Quincy Bazen:My boyfriend and I we went to Italy to cause he's from England, so his mom and my mom was in Italy, and so his mom flew down to Italy to meet us for the weekend and his mom my mom was just talking her ear off and his mom was a very good listener and I was like oh, look, it's us. There's the talker and there's the listener. What?
Coach Alex Ray:I love it, and, and now people are going to pay to just let you talk at them for an hour, right?
Quincy Bazen:Exactly, exactly. That's really where I'm happy. It's just with a microphone on stage. I always say that I could have done drag if I wasn't as lazy as I am. Yeah, I just don't have the energy and the stamina that they do to put all that extra work into it. But I'm happy to throw a couple knock knocks at ya, you know, keep you entertained while I just keep rambling.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, oh yeah there. I've done drag a couple of times and I was like this is so uncomfortable, it's so much effort ahead of time. I was like I bet. No, I can't. No, I've got so much respect for drag. Let's see. Was there anything else I wanted to ask you about that? I mean, I was thinking like what was it like? How'd your family react to you coming out and is there? Any that you wanna share think would be useful for people to learn from.
Quincy Bazen:A useful I don't know, let's see. So I came out to. I came out to my sister first. My sister's one of my best friends in the world. Still. I came out to her first. She was great and lovely. And then I came out to my mom. So I came out like over the course of 2013,. I came out and I came out to my sister at the top of the year it was like January 1st or 2nd or something, because I was home for the holidays and then I came out to my mom that summer and she was great. She cried, said she knew, and I was like okay, but my favorite part of that story is the whole week I've been trying to buy this like $300 blazer, but I couldn't bring myself to spend $300, which I mean when you're 19,.
Coach Alex Ray:It's like rent it's like a thousand dollars, but anyway.
Quincy Bazen:So I had come out to her, we had this really like intense crime moment, and she was flying back to Germany later that night, and so she came up to me again, again and I like hugged me and she's like I want you to go get that place, and then she handed me $300. And I was like I didn't end up getting the blazer, but I was suddenly $300 richer and I was like, okay, coming out pays okay. Coming out pays is what I learned.
Coach Alex Ray:And then I've never heard that lesson before and I like it.
Quincy Bazen:Yeah well, you're learning more and more every time you hear a new story.
Quincy Bazen:right, it's all about the new perspective, Mine is all about financial gain, which is actually why I didn't come out to my dad for so long well, like another six months because I was worried that because they were like supporting me while I was in college and like paying my tuition, my rent, and I was worried that they would not do that any longer, should he learn the truth about what I'm up to on that campus. But this is a very, actually dramatic story I'll spare you the details of, but we had a family meeting. I don't know if you were a family meeting kind of home, but we were- we did sometimes have some family meetings.
Coach Alex Ray:It was always bad, Always bad of course, yeah, always bad.
Quincy Bazen:And my dad is, my dad's a military man. He's very, very type A and you know, I don't even I don't think the details were even about me, like it was about my brother.
Quincy Bazen:My brother was doing something and it just put my dad in a pissy mood, and then he wanted us to have this family meeting and I don't know about your experience, but whenever I felt like I was gonna come out, it was literally like Katie and me girls like the word vomit, but I could just feel it coming. My whole body would tense. And when I came out to my sister, I just started sobbing because it felt like it was out of my hands, like I wasn't in the driver's seat anymore. I just knew this was the moment I was gonna come out and that whole meeting I just had this knot in my stomach. I'm like this is it, like this is what's gonna happen. And there was just this massive, dramatic, screaming match like between me and my brother and my dad so dramatic, just so extra. And the fall there was no like fallout per se in the way that I was worried about their being, but it became. I mean, that was 2013. And I think that it wasn't until 2018 that my dad finally was able to say that he was like. He was able to say that I had convinced him that being gay wasn't a choice. So it was like this very prolonged six year journey for him, more so than anybody else.
Quincy Bazen:And I think for a while I struggled with the idea of like having to take on this role of a teacher because and I feel this way about a lot of things too like queer people go through so much Like I don't. Sometimes I struggle with the idea to think that it's fair that we also have to, on top of all of what society has put onto us and put us through. We've got to sit there and we've got to be the bigger person and we've got to be patient and we've got to teach bigots how to be better people. And I struggled with that for a long time. I was very ready to just like wipe my hands. I mean like well, if you don't get it, you don't get it, fuck off. But that's not, obviously, a super successful communication tactic. So I didn't do that. And you know, my dad's not perfect by any means, but he loves me, he loves my boyfriend, he loves to see me happy and that's what I try to focus on.
Coach Alex Ray:So Wow, Do you have anything that you could share that for anyone going through something similar like what helped you have the patience during that time?
Quincy Bazen:You know, I think I don't know how applicable this is across the board, but for me, I always thought of my father as a very, very intelligent person and I think I got a lot of my intelligence from him and so a lot of my drive and a lot of my type A organizational quirks All the quirks. I've been asked and I just, I mean, I don't know, I just really struggle, not even past tense, because even beyond 2018 and into the pandemic, like these ideas that he had or these ideas that people like him had, because they're just so quick to believe the propaganda machine about anything that threatens, you know, the white nuclear family's way of life. They're just not interested in it. But I think I realized that if I wasn't gonna have the patience and if I wasn't going to maintain communication with him, he's never gonna speak to another gay person in his life, like he's not gonna have anybody who's willing to have these conversations with him. And my parents actually just got divorced this summer and I think that it's because they couldn't have those conversations anymore.
Quincy Bazen:And yes, you know he's come a long way, but like some things, he just can't shake. If you think the election's stolen, I don't know what to tell you, because I can only send you so many links and poke so many holes in these silly, silly things you're saying before. For your own sanity, you have to draw a line, you have to draw a boundary. So, while I have a good relationship with him regarding, like my personal life, like we, we still struggle to see eye to eye on the world in many, many ways. But again, I think it's all because of the same reason, like it's all because the people in power don't want people to be breaking down those berries, breaking down those walls, because then their way of life, where they're sitting pretty on top without question, is threatened and they don't want that at all.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, makes sense. Also like we could go so far down that rabbit hole, but for today we'll set that one aside. Thank you for sharing that. I think that is absolutely helpful and useful for everyone today. So let's see switching gears here a little bit. I would love to hear what is it like for you being on stage in front of people. I mean, you're on a literal stage often and you're also on a virtual stage.
Coach Alex Ray:I mean, you don't have. You have a sizable online following with like what? Nearly 40,000 followers on Instagram now and almost 50,000 on TikTok. Like eyeballs are on you.
Quincy Bazen:Yes, eyeballs are on me and I think the two very different experiences for me. I love being on a real stage, like I've performed my entire life. I feel very, very comfortable talking to large groups of people. I do not love the digital stage and I think, if, if, if and if I truly believe there was any way for me to be successful in this industry without social media, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Quincy Bazen:But, like so many things in 20 to 23, it's a necessary evil. I I don't really know how I would promote myself or promote my actual art without it. Like and I talked about this a couple months ago with my boyfriend because I felt like social media was becoming this, this weird, I guess, job that I had to do, or like this weird, I mean and I don't mean to discredit anyone who like content, creation is there, is their life. I used to have a lot of fun doing that before the pandemic and I don't know, I just really lost the spark for it and now it's become this thing that I have to focus on and get people to care about, so that they will think about caring about this other thing that I really want them to care about you know which is you being like on stage, coming to my show, like coming to my?
Quincy Bazen:show or like watching my web series, or like following my acting journey or whatever. But in order to that, I've got to be successful on social media in like all of these ways and all of these different platforms. And I don't know, I mean it's just, I don't know. I think I also struggle too with just like this idea of like an enclosed perception of myself. Like I don't like the idea some video of me popping up or a picture of me popping up on somebody who, somebody's page who's never seen or heard of me before, and then that's their entire perception of who I am. And obviously this is just like the internet and I need to get over it, but I do. I really do struggle with this concept of people not understanding facets to individuals and how we're all multifaceted.
Quincy Bazen:And I don't know, when I started really trying to focus on social media, like a little over a year ago, I think I was like, okay, I just got to, I just got to rip the bandaid off. You know, of course, having any kind of presence comes with comments that are nice and comments that aren't nice, and I had to take the Beyonce approach and just stop reading comments, because everyone has an opinion right and you're never going to please anybody and, nope, not everybody's going to think you're funny and everybody's going to think that your content is you know slang, the house down the booties, and I would just take it really personally. People would like make fun of me for something I said and I was like, oh, but that's not even true, because look at this other thing I did, where I was doing exactly what you just said I couldn't have been doing and I was like, you know, I just got to stop. And I think this too.
Quincy Bazen:I think when my therapist says I think that and I agree that I think it all goes back to just like being in the closet and trying to be a people pleaser for so much of my life, for the first two decades of my life, just because if I could just get people to like me and I could just be amenable and mold myself into this, into whatever I needed to be for that situation, then they wouldn't ask questions and no one's going to focus on me too much, you know. But now that I'm not that person anymore, it really it stings a little bit when I don't, when I don't know how to please these people, and I think what I've accepted in the past. Very recently I should really turn 30, which was a big moment for me earlier this year.
Coach Alex Ray:You turn 30,. Okay, I have you believe in birthday.
Quincy Bazen:Thank you. Thank you, yeah, in May I just had to. I didn't want to carry that with me into this new decade. You know, I wanted to just embrace what I have to offer. You know, I don't ever want to be like a crowd pleaser in the sense that I don't know, I don't know who I could say right now without insulting somebody. But like, for some reason, going to the Big Bang Theory, like highest rated show on television for too many years, right and, but it's because it just appealed to the masses. But like I don't know anybody that actually likes that show, except my mom, but she doesn't count, her taste is questionable. I don't want to. I don't want to be. I want to be. I want to.
Quincy Bazen:I want to do something that's less amenable and something that's more niche and something that's more honest and individual, because that's what I am I don't think that I am for the masses, like I am like a very queer man who has a lot of sex with boys and I love pop music and I suddenly I can't think of anything else I'm interested in. I love to be and I am obsessed with the way like I have all these tiny little things about me that I try, I'm trying really hard to celebrate about myself in my 30. And that's what I think I'm trying to do online as well, and try to bring the energy that I have on stage, of the mentality I have on stage, into the mentality I have when I'm working on social media. It's like you know what? I'm here to have fun, like whatever.
Quincy Bazen:Like I don't really I don't need to dwell on what every person in the audience is thinking because I don't like I get up, I perform and then I leave and I'm like, oh, that was fun, so I don't need to sit and dwell and we'll, you know, read comments like oh, what is? Like I'm a user one, two, five, three, four, two thinking about my punchline, like I don't need to worry about that. So all of that to say I feel very comfortable on stage and I'm working on feeling more comfortable in a digital space button. Boom, there we go, rats it up.
Coach Alex Ray:I love the punchline the, the summary sentence you gave us Copywriter.
Quincy Bazen:Okay, I'm always going to come to a conclusion there, you go.
Coach Alex Ray:Yes, so you are good at what you do on the side too.
Quincy Bazen:Yeah, you have to be, you have to be.
Coach Alex Ray:Um, I mean, I was going to ask you the next question I had was what do you do to maintain authenticity with all these eyes on you? But I think you really answered that question really well there that you do want to be an authentic, like multifaceted person and you see others and people in general as not just this easily summed up. 32nd yeah.
Quincy Bazen:I know it's like when I was first starting like tick tock, specifically like I could off tick tock for so long. It was so big during the pandemic and I certainly could have been working on that and like building a presence. But, quite frankly, I was too depressed to be thinking about my career. But when I started focusing on it, all I could really think to do was like hop on these trends, like because that's what will get these eyes on me. But now I'm trying to shift. I kind of stopped it now because I don't, I don't want to fucking do that Like I don't want to be. I don't want to be a content creator. I don't want to be like writing these trend waves forever, like again. Like I want to make my own art. I don't want to direct attention to it, but I think you have to play a bit of the game to that initial audience. And this is by no means like a masterclass, because I it's very much a work in progress, but this is my mentality, I think for it.
Coach Alex Ray:Yes, and that's all we want here. We don't even have fucking masterclass, we just want to know, hey, what's been working for you? The real shit.
Quincy Bazen:That's far. That's about it.
Coach Alex Ray:Yeah, all right. What to I mean? You come across as a very, like, confident person who knows who he is. What tips do you have for that? And also like what's your internal experience like, because I know mine can often be way more insecure on the inside than I appear on the outside.
Quincy Bazen:So I'm sure, for sure. I mean, we're all insecure, totally. I Wait, what is the question?
Coach Alex Ray:Just have to be Okay. The summary is what tips of confidence do you have? I don't know, because I mean You're right.
Quincy Bazen:People can seem like the most competent person ever, but you have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.
Quincy Bazen:Honestly I think a lot of where my confidence, like my external confidence, like where that light seems to come from is actually again going back to just having to push out this personality of being friendly and doing again whatever people need me to do in the time. So when I was closeted, they weren't poking holes in this narrative that I was spinning, and that's not to say that I'm not confident and that it's all been like a trauma response. But I think that it's a different kind of confidence. As you know, a queer person wearing heels walking down some downtown alley that I'm doing now, that I was like at 15, just walking through the high school trying to blend in, you know, but I don't know, I don't know. I really struggle to care what people in real life saying which again is where I'm trying to get to with the digital space Like I just want to live my life and I think that I live my life in a way that I stay in my own lane, I'm not bothering anybody online in real life, like I'm not here to start shit, like I'm here for a good time and I think that if I want, if I was, to ask my friends or people that I know here and like what their experiences with me. Like in the room, I would hope that I'm just like there to have fun, I'm there to have a good time. I'm like I actually had I had a birthday party again for my 30th and there was some like friends or friends that showed up and they reached there to have a great time and my boyfriend took that where. I'm like I want to be better friends with them, like I want that energy in my life all the time because that's what I want to get out, like I just want to show up to have fun and show up to have a good time. And I think that a lot of that energy maybe comes across as confidence. And there are things that I'm very confident in and there are, of course, things that I'm not so confident in. I mean back to, I think, this year.
Quincy Bazen:Well, later, last year I decided that I wanted to get serious about acting again. I hadn't really acted since before the pandemic and of course, you know, doing stand up, there is performance involved, but it's I don't always want to perform shit that I write. You know, I'd love to do something with somebody else's material and I got serious about that and but you know, at the time I was 29 and like I'm a bit late to the game, like this is LA, you know, now 25 is late to the game. And I just sat with myself a lot and had to ask myself, like what has taken me so long to get to this place? Why am I so scared of, you know, being on camera? And as silly as it was, I realized I had to get a nose job. So I got a nose job in January and my confidence skyrocketed. I was like, amazing, now I can be on camera and now I can have fun.
Quincy Bazen:I feel way more confident just in every aspect of my life. But like nobody nobody knows that I did that because it's just this thing that I was hyper-focused on, and it wasn't like an egregious change to my face in any way, but it was this very small, albeit very expensive change that I just needed to make for myself. And whether it was, you know, actually something that's going to have any effect on my career Not sure yet. Maybe it's just a placebo effect for me, but that's totally fine too. Like I would spend the same amount of money just to feel the way that I do about myself and what I feel like I'm capable of now, more so than if you had asked me and last year, yeah, yeah. So just come up. If you want to feel confident, go get some plastic surgery and I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Also, a lot of therapy, yes, Absolutely.
Coach Alex Ray:And yeah, I mean also. I love that you brought that up, because I think you know I'm not sure you know as RuPaul says, everything is drag and we're all constantly putting on some kind of show, we're always altering our appearance and there are certain forms of that that we deem as like acceptable and righteous, and there's forms of it that we're like oh my God, something's wrong with them for getting plastic surgery. But it's okay to like buy expensive clothes or facial products or makeup or like why not just let people do what the fuck they want to do, that they enjoy.
Quincy Bazen:It's so true and, to be fair, like half of it was medical. But then he's like I can also just like straighten this for you. I'm like, yeah, do it please.
Coach Alex Ray:Please do that.
Quincy Bazen:Because I like I don't know, I just again like I was willing to take this risk for myself and I think that there's a nuance to those things too, like if you want to get plastic surgery, you should get plastic surgery, but I'm not, I'm never in a position where I'm like promoting it or like you need to do this or people should be doing this to their bodies, or like a certain brand of celebrity that's like always changing with the hot body shape is like that shit gives me the egg, like it really really does. But I don't think that I'd ever want to like be secretive about it because, like I did it and I'm totally I'm more than happy that it's the best thing I ever did for myself, you know, and if you're doing it to like not fulfill that strong word, but like to achieve is also the wrong word.
Coach Alex Ray:Damn, see, now I know I should have taken that role, I mean is it just like it was a desire that you had for your life, versus oh, I have to do this in order to impress people.
Quincy Bazen:No, I genuinely, I genuinely just didn't feel comfortable in camera, like I would never audition for like film auditions. That's why I stuck to the stage primarily, and when I was shooting my web series, like I was very careful to shoot from like specific angles of myself and that's just not like a sustainable way to exist or succeed in this industry. So it really felt like I don't know, maybe it's actually sounds bad when I say it that way Like I have to turn for the industry, but I was, I was willing to give it a go, you know. And again, like I didn't do anything super crazy, like you saw a picture of me before and you saw a picture now, like I don't think that it would be super obvious, but I don't know it was. It was something that I was comfortable doing and something I thought about since I was 20. And I'm I don't know.
Quincy Bazen:I like to blame my parents for it, actually, because my mom so my two younger siblings, right, and everybody was C-sectioned except for me, where she tried to give birth to me 12 hours, naturally, before they were. Maybe she just do a C-section. And so when I went into my initial consultation, the doctor was like, have you ever broken your nose and then it just like healed in correctly. And I was like, no, but, dot dot, dot, my mom did try to deliver me via her canal for like 12 hours before the doctor's shoulder wasn't happening. He was like, yeah, that's what happened. So I sent my parents the bill for the situation. I was just doing my best, the circumstances I was given.
Coach Alex Ray:Okay, yes, yes, too funny. Well, okay, I want to ask a couple of questions that the audience asked. So let's, let's like rapid fire these real quick. The first one this is like a deep question, so do your like quick answer here? Okay, I think we already kind of got my specialty, but let's try mine either, so we'll see. All right, how has how let me not punch the mic how has having a concertive upbringing adjusted your views of your self worth?
Quincy Bazen:Great question, also something I tackle a lot in my show, I think. For you know kind of what I what I spoke about earlier, like it. Just it put me in a box and it felt like I needed. I never thought about breaking out of the box. So I thought about how do I survive in this box, how can I thrive in this box? And after a while you just kind of come to that not really seeming like a feasible option for you and I think you come to a place and you're like I've had some I'm already off the chart of quick answers here, but you know I've had. I've been very open, like in my we have frozen here.
Quincy Bazen:But, of course, what's? What's the cliche phrase about coming out? It's like it gets better and like. I hate to say that, but God, it's so true, it really is so true.
Quincy Bazen:Things that are cliche are cliche for a reason because my life pre coming out just feels like a different one, like it's just a different person.
Quincy Bazen:That's why I was laughing earlier. When I think about it, like I've come so far from I hope who knows what will be impacting next week from my therapy counts, but I've come so far from like the trauma of my childhood that it really does like I feel like I have to, like I don't know, log back into that email in my mind and I think, god, like, like, where have I put all these things? Because I genuinely don't think about it anymore. I feel very far, I feel very removed from my conservative upbringing and certainly not by accident. I've done that to myself and I would do it a thousand times over again. But I think that, to answer the question, one sentence it has made me very rebellious and very proud and almost a spiteful way, like I love to show up again, just like in the gayest thing you could imagine and just like stare down the bikers on the street as I'm walking past in my little heels and fish nets.
Quincy Bazen:Like I just put on a show. I love to piss people off too. I'm also petty, so there's that.
Coach Alex Ray:Love it. So I mean it sounds like just it did have an effect. It sounds like on your self worth, but as you've worked through that in therapy and everything it's, that has had a tremendous impact on the way that you, on purpose, like, dare yourself to just show up and piss people off.
Quincy Bazen:Yeah, you have to build those self confidence bricks back brick by brick, not to use another wall metaphor I'm all over the place, but it's true.
Coach Alex Ray:Very true. Um, okay, let's see, let's do two more. All of these were submitted anonymously, so let's see.
Quincy Bazen:Oh, I know, I know.
Coach Alex Ray:Sorry, so I don't have any any name to add to these, but um, what is something about your identity that people might not know at first glance?
Quincy Bazen:I'm dancing to? Hmm, god, I feel there's so many ways to take that question. I don't know. I um, yeah, but I wouldn't be able to answer that question anymore. Whatbody in the audience? I use, I use he, him pronouns in my, in my daily life.
Quincy Bazen:But for a while and I think I think the year and a half coming out of quarantine which I guess, just like the last two years in general, I'm like moving to LA was very freeing. You know, it felt like suddenly there were, there were no holds barred. You know, being in your house, locked up all the time, not seeing anybody just now, like being in Santa Monica on the streets. It was probably where you can really do anything and be anyone and nobody's going to blink twice. And I think that first year of me living here was very that. You know, every party you go to has a theme, every event has like a dress code. One of the first parties I went to and I went here was you could only wear black and white or you wouldn't be led in. I'm like, oh, this is the most I think I've ever heard of.
Quincy Bazen:So I was living for it and I was really loving exploring my femininity and I had lost a bunch of weight post pandemic and I loved feeling like this pretty little girly and there was a few months there where I was like thinking a lot about how, like and I mean, of course, like pronouns are just like always in the discourse and not really long as concerned as to shut the fucking thinking about my own identity.
Quincy Bazen:And I was doing a lot of thinking about how again, like how I, how I felt, like I wanted to be perceived versus how I wanted to live my life. And I went around and around with that for a while and I had conversations with, you know, people that I love and people that love me, and I think it came to the conclusion that like I, he, him, he, him feels good for me and like I love dressing very feminine and I love tackling the feminine side of me and, but I think most of all, like I love standing in the face of man. You know, I love standing in the face of this idea of what a man should be and saying, well, actually, a man can be anything. I'm a man too. I can wear whatever I want because of it. So I don't know that actually answers the question, but that's where my mind went when hearing identity.
Coach Alex Ray:I love that answer. That is such a fun, fun thing to learn about you. Okay, thank you for that. Let's see one last question, again anonymous, here. Where or with whom do you feel the strongest sense of community?
Quincy Bazen:Hmm, okay, two separate things, because I feel like with whom is easy? It's with my boyfriend, owen, love of my life, that's personally I've ever met. The reason that I'm chasing my dreams is because he's encouraged me and he's helped put up those bricks of my own self confidence. So I have to say him community is interesting because I think that there was a time where I could have said LA, but because, again, because you can't just be anybody and it's so free here. But I think there's also like this other side of LA that feels like a competition and it feels like everybody's trying to be something or do something, which is great, and it's one of the reasons I'm here. But after a while that can it can wear you down. No, it's like hot fuck why I'm not doing XYZ. Like you know, this guy is doing. Another reason that I really struggle with being online. I wish to death I could just be offline and do my own thing, but that's not the world we live in. So to where?
Quincy Bazen:gosh maybe like the middle of the high tops dance floor. When I'm just dancing on a Friday night, I feel really free and again like it's in Hollywood. So like you can feel free and I am I took a trip to PV for my 30th event. No, you have to go. I'd never walked into a city that was so full of gay people, especially in a foreign country, and like I've seen my fair share of our foreign countries, I was just I mean, I worked for my boat we just thought it was like the trip of our lifetimes, like I was just so enamored with how comfortable and safe I felt and I don't know. It seems like a weird random answer, but that's what's coming to me here in this moment. So I'm going to say, in PV with my man and love it.
Quincy Bazen:Sorry, all over the top. This is all the top.
Coach Alex Ray:Everyone listening right now is laughing us. I know they are. They're having a great time, if they like listening to me on because I do about 50 50 now solo and guest episodes. If they like listening to me, they're going to enjoy this. They're minor, very chaotic. Okay, good, like hi. I have a message for you, but first I'm going to talk about 30 minutes or other things, and then I'll give it to you at the end in five seconds.
Coach Alex Ray:It's a lot of four. Play a lot of four. Play, alright, y'all. If you want to be able to ask questions of future guests, you've got to join the Instagram broadcast channel and in there you'll be able to ask your questions and join in on the conversation, as well as get more insight information about upcoming guests Before we head out. Quincy, what else do you want to share with our listeners today? Where can they find you? What can they do? How can they support you? How can they get more of you?
Quincy Bazen:You can find me on any relevant platform at look at, quincy, I'm doing shows. I'm always doing shows, but I'm doing my show in New York, in LA, this fall, so look out for that announcement coming very soon and I would love to see everybody there and I'd love to. I love meeting people, I love saying hello and then, yeah, of course, come listen to Dom Pop as well. If you love hearing me ramble that, you want to hear me ramble out pop music.
Coach Alex Ray:There you go, so we'll have links to that in the show notes for everyone. It's you and your friend Hayden right who do Dom Pop together. Cool, well, link all of this in the show notes and go follow Quincy. Go enjoy all of his stuff. Alright, any final words before we head out today.
Quincy Bazen:This was so much fun. I really appreciate it. Thank you, alex. Such a fun conversation.
Coach Alex Ray:You're so welcome. I'm so glad that I was able to have you on the show today and that we could all learn some things from you, so thanks for being here.
Quincy Bazen:Thank you, bye guy.
Coach Alex Ray:Bye everyone, I'll see you on the next episode.
