The Queer Confidence Podcast

NAKED with @builtbybarthel2.0

Coach Alex Ray Episode 112

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Welcome to the first episode of NAKED, an erotic series where I and my guests strip down metaphorically and literally.

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Alex:

Hello, hello my unicorns, welcome back. Oh my god, it's been six, seven months, I guess, since I last released any podcast episodes for you all. I'm really excited to start the very first episode today, with Jeremy, of the new Naked series, where we are getting naked literally and figuratively, getting vulnerable, talking about insecurity, and I'm really honored that you were my, or are my first guest for this show.

Jeremy:

Thank you, I am very honored that you asked me. I really appreciate it.

Alex:

Of course Okay. So I think we should do. We want to tell everyone how we met, cause that is kind of fine, it's just. It's not a big story, it's just funny Okay.

Alex:

So my very first pride here. I was walking around and I knew that I wanted to start go-go dancing and bumped into Jeremy who was looking sexy, dancing on the box out in the middle of the street Shaking his thang, and I was like hi, I'm Alex, can we follow each other on Instagram? Because I'm new here and I want to start go-go dancing and I want tips.

Jeremy:

That's how I remember it. Yeah it, yeah, I mean it's pretty accurate. It's not much more to like hey bitch, I want some money. How do I do this?

Alex:

got any tips on stripping down to my underwear and just dancing for everyone?

Jeremy:

yeah, you just take clothes off, get on a box and move.

Alex:

It's super easy it's, but you also have you taken dance lessons before, or something?

Jeremy:

I was a professional dancer for like 14 years. Okay, well, that explains it.

Alex:

Yeah yeah, because, like you, I think you really set the bar pretty high here. I think that's full. You're full of shit for that one. No, when you dance, you dance with like it looks like real moves.

Jeremy:

I feel like when I dance I'm just like this feels nice you're like I like the way this, let's go with that one right, it might look bad but it feels nice to me, so I've seen you dance.

Alex:

It doesn't look bad okay thank you, I didn't. Yeah, I'm not. I mean like general, I have no idea if it's like great or not, I just know that it feels good.

Jeremy:

Yeah, I mean it should feel good to you at least. Yeah, I think if you feel good and you feel comfortable, other people are going to feel comfortable. Okay, so number one of the day there you go.

Jeremy:

If you feel if you feel, if you feel good and you feel comfortable, other people, I feel like in our heads we want, we think people want us to fail or like fall on our face. But really it's kind of like um, it's like a public speaking class. You want the person to be good, so then you don't have to sit there and cringe. It's like the the same thing, you know, like, oh, if they're good, I can just relax and we're good, and so I think that kind of translates into dance as well.

Alex:

One of the things I think that you have done really well, that I've seen you do, is connect with the audience really well. Yeah, Because I know when we've danced at Moe's before you've had people that like come there because they want to see you.

Jeremy:

Yeah, I mean, there's kind of, when you do it for a while, you end up getting your regulars, and I think that that's an important aspect that people don't tend to think about when they go into it. It's like they they fall in love with you, for you, and it's also like taking the time to like show appreciation for the tip you know, like hey, thank you, I really appreciate it, like what's your name? And kind of being a little bit more, it's not just dance, you know yeah.

Jeremy:

I think it's like that, growing that interpersonal relationship in that short period of time.

Alex:

Yeah, it works.

Jeremy:

I think yeah, it works. I think, yeah, definitely.

Alex:

What lessons do you have you learned through go-go dancing? About being confident, being in front of people. That could apply to anyone.

Jeremy:

Um, I think the the thing that I've learned the most is kind of like get out of your own head. You know, like you kind of stand in your own way and you put limitations on yourself and there are times where like, oh, I had a really big meal or something and I don't feel confident up here, but that's all, like it's all inside. You know the calls coming from inside the house and you kind of just have to be like no, I'm not doing that and push forward. Searching for that validation.

Alex:

Yes, that can be really easy on, like Grindr or any of the apps to get a quick validation through sending a nude or receiving a nude or just being quick and flirtatious. But and that's great, you don't need to stop that. But also there's a different kind of satisfaction that comes with being yourself and having people notice and appreciate that, and you can't get that if you are not willing to do the most uncomfortable thing of being vulnerable and authentic, 1000%.

Jeremy:

I fully, wholeheartedly agree with you. I danced with the? Um RuPaul's drag race work, the world Queens Cool Um on tour and we went to Europe for like three months and, um, we had an opportunity to dance at the uh Wembley arena. So there's like over 8 000 people there screaming fans, like it was like, uh, such an amazing experience and part of that was because in my dance career in la, you know the agents, the people booking, the choreographers, the assistants everyone is kind of telling the gay men butchch it up, you know, make it more masculine.

Jeremy:

Um, cause, a lot of what you do at auditions is you learn you know eight, eight counts or something, um, and then they want you to freestyle. So it's like, can you do what we want you to do and then show us who you are? But if yourself is feminine or an aspect of it, um, you know, a lot of times you end up getting cut, even if you did the choreography perfectly. And when I was on tour with with work the world, I was in fucking like pink patent leather heels, yeah, like these massive shoulders, like wearing things that I personally in my own daily life would never wear. But it was a celebration of like different and a homosexual like homosexuality, uh, just like unapologetically gay and out there and like kind of in your face.

Alex:

Yeah.

Jeremy:

And there was an aspect of the show, um, you know, at the end each dancer kind of comes out and you know, at the end each dancer kind of comes out and you know everyone's here to see these queens that are like famous. But I came out and like I do, like I can flip, so I would tumble or whatever, cool, okay. And then you know people would like go, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like I would just like look and like go, like you know, and 8,000 plus people I get chills thinking about it. Oh, my god, you've got goosebumps. But I went behind. That was kind of towards the end of the show and after the curtain went down I just went backstage and like wept, and it was just one of those things of like.

Jeremy:

I will never have this opportunity to do this ever again, to perform in a show. That is one of those things of like. I will never have this opportunity to do this ever again. To perform in a show that is celebrating who I am authentically and for me to present in a way that is so authentic and be celebrated for it and make money while doing it like good money, um, and I think that that's like one of those moments that I will take with me. I never thought that I would see this day. This is the day when I was a kid in my mirror. You know, looking and being like this is what I want to do with my life like it finally happened, yeah, so that was like yeah, thank you for sharing that it was pretty cool.

Jeremy:

That's really special. It was really special from my perspective as an audience member. I love to see it like show me the duality. Like, yes, I can see physically you are a tall, masculine looking person, sure, but if you can express something different, that juxtaposition is really nice sometimes and I think having that duality is really cool, okay, so now um, let's get.

Alex:

Let's get to the naked part of the episode okay, all right. So the way this game is going to work is we are going to first survey, sharing something, um that we feel insecure about, then the other person is going to take a moment to validate us, and then we'll take off an article of clothing. So we're kind of flipping the whole like strip poker. Stripping is not the punishment here, it's the, it's the gift, it's the benefit. Surprise, we get to be more naked and vulnerable with each other and with you all.

Alex:

Yes, so, um, would you, do you want to go first or second? I'll be bold, I'll go first. Okay, great. What's one thing that you have been insecure about or are insecure about?

Jeremy:

Let's see, I think, my size, of my stature, I'm a very average height, I'm five foot nine and um, you know, I've heard girls, I've heard guys talk about, oh, I need a guy that's like six foot, six foot two, you know, and kind of not feeling enough in that sense and coming into the realization that like I don't need to be, I don't need to be a certain thing to get the attention of people that I also have an attraction to Um and it doesn't make that those things are not going to make me feel more powerful.

Jeremy:

And I think that's such a good point, Like and I think you know we always think grass is always greener. But the good thing is, like tall people like you can go to the gym just as much as me, but your muscles are longer, so you're always going to look leaner. Yeah, and I am five foot nine. We can gain the same amount of weight, but mine are shorter and they're going to stick out more. And, like being a skinny kid, I was like 140.

Alex:

Oh yeah, I was super skinny too. Yeah yeah, skinny kids unite. We're so oppressed. I honestly did feel very insecure about being skinny too, because I was like, what are people going to? I thought that my lack of confidence was because I wasn't physically strong and I felt like, oh well, if I look physically weak and I am maybe physically weak, then I'm.

Jeremy:

That's why I'm insecure it wasn't.

Alex:

I got really strong.

Jeremy:

It didn't change anything yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm just saying like I still visualize myself in my head as that skinny kid which is. I think it's good honestly like remember where you came from, kind of a thing.

Alex:

I think that was very valid and also here's the part where I get to validate you. Now, okay, I want to say that, though maybe you're physically shorter than I am, you you have a presence about you and when you're in a room I I have never, ever thought you know, he's kind of small like you have a very um that you just you take up space in a way that's really confident and authentic and um empowering. So maybe physically, but not not spiritually, mentally, emotionally, you're a big boy.

Jeremy:

I will take that.

Alex:

I will absolutely take that okay, all right, so you all can actually just pausing us real quick you all can practice this at home with a friend, with a partner, with a partner with a lover, whoever. It's so healthy to be honest and forthcoming about our insecurities, and if that person cannot validate you, they're probably not a safe person for you. If they can validate you, then that's evidence that you can trust them to go deeper, that you can be more vulnerable with them.

Alex:

but we first start by little vulnerability validation, and then we can get more vulnerable, and that's why I invented this game this way 10 minutes ago just on the spot, you just want me to take my clothes off. I just want you to take your clothes off, so what do you want to take off first? Okay well, let's do this, let's do the shirts. Here we go. I've seen that before. Look at my Instagram. Um, okay, well let's do this.

Jeremy:

Let's do the shirts. Here we go. Okay, I've seen that before. Who hasn't Look at my Instagram?

Alex:

Right, okay, cool. So now I have to answer the same question. What am I insecure about?

Jeremy:

Hmm, hmm.

Alex:

Okay If we're going to go physical. I think the honest truth is I still have insecurity about my like dick size Cause when around other guys that are so much bigger, I definitely get in my head about like, oh, I should be bigger. People are going to want that and I know that not everyone's just into like gigantic dicks. Um and it's so easy for me to like encourage other people and be like who cares.

Jeremy:

Just be yourself, um.

Alex:

but the honest truth is, the narrative that happens in my head is um.

Jeremy:

I'm way harsher on myself, for sure, oh yeah, yeah, I think we're all our own worst critic. Yeah, I think we're all our own worst critic, yeah. So I think we all kind of fall victim to that, because I do try to lift up people as well, but you kind of have to be your own champion. And in order for me to validate you, I need to say like it's not all about size. I personally am not very invested in how big a man's penis is. I honestly find if a guy is big and he has like a like what you, what people, would term as like a smaller than average, I find it hot. So it's like that opposite where cause it's like like again the juxtaposition yeah, um, and I think it's. I think it's like interesting and endearing and sexy. It's not, um, it's not about. For me, it's not about the size and yeah, it just never has been, because I can relate, I think all men can relate to is like am I big enough?

Alex:

yeah, I've talked to porn stars that are like it's not big enough, and I'm like girl, how big do you want that to be? You're gonna need another pant leg. So are you sure it's not?

Jeremy:

yeah, sure it's not big enough. Yeah, yeah, so yeah, I don't think you need to be worried about it. Thank you, okay, I will take off my shirt.

Alex:

I feel very validated and can I give you a hug because that was very like very validating. Thank you, of course. All right. Next question I want to know this is not a I don't know if it's that vulnerable, but let's do a lighthearted one. What's your favorite part about your body?

Jeremy:

Hmm, that's okay. Favorite because of what like? Is there a specific reason?

Alex:

No, just something that you're like. I like this about my body.

Jeremy:

Um, I think body, um I think okay, it's gonna sound stupid, that's okay, um my nose yeah yeah, you do have a very like perfectly symmetrical nose.

Alex:

It's a very nice nose, my nose reminds me of my mom.

Jeremy:

Oh, like we pretty much have like the same nose and it's kind of like round and um, yeah, I like it just. It kind of makes me feel connected to my family yeah, I think it's cute I love a cute nose yay, I love it.

Alex:

Okay, for that you just get to take off a sock, because that wasn't like horribly painful. No, no, right, okay, same question. I should be careful what I say. It doesn't have to be horribly painful to say in order for it to be like a worthy, vulnerable chair. Um so okay, let's see something I like about my body my thighs. I got genetically blessed somehow with like thighs are very like, easy to to build. Even though I'm tall and I don't know, I love my meaty thighs.

Jeremy:

No, they're fantastic yeah.

Alex:

Thank you. That's also why I got these tattoos here, cause I thought it was a really fun place to like show them off.

Jeremy:

Yeah, um, yeah, there's also like more significance, but you know story for another day.

Alex:

Okay, let's take off the socks, can we? Can we? That wasn't that sexy, all right, cool, do you want to make up a question, or should I look at my list?

Jeremy:

No, let's go, let's see what you have. Okay, let's see.

Alex:

Okay, go, let's see what you have. Okay, let's see. Okay, what have you learned recently about your own?

Jeremy:

sexual pleasure, or your sexual, your sexuality, okay. So, um, I have learned that more recently, like I do still harbor internalized homophobia and that has to go into the aspect of topping and bottoming. Okay, yeah, um, because I think that would like my generation of, like I'm, I'm 38, um, where it's like when people say, oh, I'm gay, but I'm not that gay, or I'm like, I'm not that kind of gay, um, and I think that a lot of that internalized homophobia has, um, withheld me from exploring all aspects of the gay experience, especially when it comes like into the bedroom. So bottoming for me is still something that I'm like working to get into because I want, I want it all. Like, why can't I have it all? If I look at porn, I am not thinking less of the bottom, I am not, you know, thinking anything negative. In fact, I kind of had to come to that realization of like, wait, I actually I'm jealous of that person you know, like I've never had the eyes rolling in the back of my head kind of like oh, like that feeling, I mean yes, but not in that way

Jeremy:

um, and like as a gay man, I identify as gay. Um, I think it's important to kind of like when they, when people talk about bottom shaming, like it's hard, it's work, it takes a lot of preparation which you can say over and over, and then when you have to do it, then you kind of realize like wait, no, no, no, like this is a skill, it's a learned skill, it has to be practiced skill and you kind of have to yeah, it's, it's harder than it looks well, I just want to validate, like, thank you for sharing that.

Alex:

I think that that's something that's really common in the community and I just really admire you for being vulnerable here and speaking up and saying that, hey, this is something that you're working towards and, um, yeah, just appreciate that. Well, done, done. Thank you, you're welcome. Do you want to take off your other socks? Do you want to take off your pants? What are you going to go for? Let's? I mean, you tell me what you want. Let's do socks first. Why would we be just in underwear and one sock?

Jeremy:

I mean, it could be a. Thing.

Alex:

We could make it a. Thing.

Jeremy:

We could totally make it a. Thing.

Alex:

Okay, my thing that I have been working on and I think that I've gotten a lot better at, is boundaries. Sexually, I for a really long time had a really hard time saying no to things. So if somebody else wanted to try something that I knew I didn't want to do, I would just do it to please them.

Alex:

And then I would regret it afterwards and I would feel a lot of shame and I would feel I would have like a really nasty dialogue to myself about like why did you, why did you not stand up for yourself, alex? Like why did you let them do that? Or why did you agree to do that when you knew you didn't want to? So, yeah, yeah, boundaries, telling people now and, um, yeah, it also makes exploring new things feel a whole lot safer. Yes, when I know that I don't have to do it and I can say you know what?

Alex:

I'm no longer feeling this at any moment, absolutely.

Jeremy:

Yeah, I mean you can say yes one moment and if you decide to say you know, this isn't feeling the way I want it to, this is, I don't feel comfortable, you have the right to change your mind and vocalize that and say, hey, I don't feel comfortable with this, I'm not ready for this.

Alex:

I thought I like I wanted to try something new. It's just not the time. Yeah, yes, well, thank you, I appreciate that. And with that, off comes sock number two. Oh, are my feet clean? Um, okay, let's see. What else do we have on the list here? Oh, okay, I really like this one. So I want to do that. Okay, tell me your favorite position. Without telling me your favorite position like describe it, or like you can't say okay. So if your favorite position is um reverse cowgirl, you can't say reverse cowgirl, but you can tell, you can describe it, you can describe what turns you on about it, what you like about it, how you feel in it.

Jeremy:

Yeah, okay, so I'm coming from the perspective of the top, because that's where, yeah, the majority of my experience being able to see a guy's chest move up and down with each thrust I love being able to kind of direct where the legs are or where the feet are, if they're away from my face or in my face or and being able to like lean down and kiss and hold and hug and you know, kind of like like grab the neck and hold on a bit and like get that, you know what I mean.

Jeremy:

Oh, I think I know what you mean, yeah.

Alex:

I've never had sex before.

Jeremy:

No, oh, you should try it.

Alex:

All right, show me after. Okay, oh, my God, I'm picturing it. Can you name the position? I mean? I think you're talking about missionary.

Jeremy:

Yeah.

Alex:

I love missionary too. I think it's overlooked it is. Yeah, I mean it's overlooked it is. We're just spreading the seed of the Lord. If you believe in that sort of thing, yes, okay, love it Hot.

Jeremy:

I think it is overlooked because it's so normal or basic or whatever. If it functions like, if it functions well, that's what I want to do. I don't think something needs to be overly complicated for it to be sexy. No, you know. So it's like I like being face to face, I like seeing the like, the bottoms reaction and like I'm going to base my actions off of the reaction I'm getting. If I'm not getting something, I'm not not doing what they want, and it's kind of like okay, take the cue because it's not all about me, yeah, yeah.

Alex:

Well, I love that. I think what I really like about that, too, is the connection and the intimacy that happens, yes, when you're not looking at each other in the eye um. Not that anything's wrong about us there are other positions that are super hot but to me, there's this intimacy that happens, this unspoken connection and communication that can happen just through eyesight alone. Yes and um. That's what I really like about um missionary as well. So thank you for your share and thank you, thank you for um heating all of our minds up.

Jeremy:

All right answer? Oh, or are?

Alex:

you going to take off your pants?

Jeremy:

we're going to do it together no, well, you, I take off mine, okay, you go for it, okay. So let's see like this however, you want to.

Alex:

It's hard, it's hard. I need your help.

Jeremy:

It's hard, not yet.

Alex:

Well, you were describing your favorite position, so it's okay.

Jeremy:

I mean it might help me.

Alex:

What do you need help? Okay, there you go, sir. Yeah, all right, let's see. Can we cuddle up like this, absolutely Okay. My favorite position, which I can't say the word okay it also includes um, face to face. There's eye contact I enjoy. What I enjoy about this position is um, even though I'm in a position of vulnerability, I am still. I have some power in this position, I have some control still and I can work all the angles that I need to to really enjoy and pleasure myself there and pleasure myself there. And I really enjoy being able to see the other guys' reactions as I change angles or change speeds or whatever.

Jeremy:

You're writing.

Alex:

Yes.

Jeremy:

You got it yes. I like that one too, and I think it's a really good position for the bottom to start. Absolutely. You have so much control and so much power of like are you going to be bent over more? Are you going to be upright? Are you going to lean back, you know because and like, really get it in there, yeah, and you can control speed and all that stuff.

Alex:

I feel like these tops that are like okay, let's go right into doggy style have never bottomed before. No, no, no, Like I need a moment to warm up. So, like the muscle, like physically, needs a moment, Even if it's not mentally, yes, but also physically, we need to stretch it out Like it's the warm-up yeah you're gonna work. If you're working out, you don't just immediately lift 500 pounds absolutely not.

Jeremy:

No, you have to. And uh, I, I, yeah, I get that, and trying to be more versed has kind of helped me with that I love it.

Alex:

Well, well, have you, have you written? I have Okay, great, it's a great position and I and I like it. I've actually like.

Jeremy:

I've gotten off to on like in that position, um as the bottom, like a few times with my partner Um, and I agree with you, like being able to see the reaction so hot.

Alex:

yeah yeah, okay, I love it. Are you gonna help me take off mine now? Absolutely, we'll give them a little show from the back I mean who doesn't like it?

Alex:

I don't know what do y'all think? Huh, not today, I haven't. Alright, there we go. Thank you, you're very welcome, let's see. Well, you know I very much enjoyed our conversation. How about you? I agree, yeah. Yeah, we want to know from you all what your favorite part was and, um, what are you taking away from this? So let us know in the comments, for sure, what about you, what's your favorite part of this experience.

Jeremy:

Um, um. I think it's a unique thing I've never done before, and being able to both like emotionally kind of, and physically be stripped down and be vulnerable is empowering, and to hear a different perspective is also really nice.

Alex:

I agree, I agree.

Jeremy:

Thank you. Thank you for being here. You're welcome. Thank you, yeah psych y'all.

Alex:

We, we wanted to go all the way with you. So we have one more question to go over. Let's do it. Let's do it, okay. So final question, before you take off your underwear and get fully naked and vulnerable, what is your essential turn on or foreplay?

Jeremy:

I think for me, like the essential and initial turn on is when someone knows themselves so well and they can present that, because I feel like a lot of people feel they need to pretend or try to be what they think the other person wants them to be. And for me, like I don't know, I'm a big energy person and if you are coming at me authentically, it feels different than a put on kind of a show, yeah, and I don't want to show yeah. And I think for me, foreplay is like the you know, the, the light brush, the, the soft touch, the, the handholding, the kissing, you know, and like you can kind of know how well the chemistry is going to be based off of a kiss, absolutely. So for me it's like if this goes well, we can you know, and if not, I'm really tired, I've got to go, I got to get up early tomorrow.

Alex:

I forgot.

Jeremy:

Oh my.

Alex:

God yeah, I forgot, oh my god.

Jeremy:

Yeah, I have a funeral to go to In the middle of the night.

Alex:

Yeah, that's what she wanted.

Jeremy:

Respect the wishes.

Alex:

Yeah, I hope they respect mine. Yeah, love that. Alright, mister. Alright, you ready? It's time for that final layer.

Jeremy:

Yes, so this way, or have Mr All right you ready for that final area.

Alex:

Let's get some booty for you to look at. Y'all, look at that. All right, now you can lay down and we'll take them off. Okay, here you go. I also. By the way, pa is such a big turn on to me, oh is it I do?

Alex:

I love Pierce, so thank you for that. Oh, let me not cover you alright. My biggest foreplay turn on is making out, which is very similar reasons that you said when a kiss to me is that first moment of intimacy where you got to, um, really kind of. I can judge people's energy so much better with that. Also, if they suck at making out, like it's really difficult for me to like keep going If they're getting like teethy, or this one time I had a guy that like woodpeckered me.

Jeremy:

Just no, you're lying Like as like intentionally, like for real.

Alex:

And I was like what are you Stop? And I was trying to like slip, slip, let's get a little tongue, let's go. No, that man just, all lip, just, and it ruined the experience for me he thought that was good, that was like his legit, oh yeah he was really, really trying hard. So if you're out there, whatever your name was, it was bad. Don't do that anymore this was years ago I did not have the courage to tell whatever his name was. To slow the fuck down.

Jeremy:

So I just like without speaking.

Alex:

It tried to get him to. He didn't get the message. It didn't work, oh wow.

Jeremy:

That's unfortunate. Yeah, because sometimes you do want to give them the clues and the hints, and when they're not being picked up.

Alex:

it's hard, it is hard. I have found now speaking up and saying it directly can work, and I appreciate that from other people, so why would they not appreciate it from me? Yes, but that is scary and uncomfortable, and it's only something in recent years that I've really gotten significantly better at not perfect by any means, but better. Good, I'm glad to hear that. Yeah, all right, my turn, your turn. Yeah, okay, let's see they can have a little show. Oh, all of this, yes, all of this, all of it. Alright, I know you can help me. This is a very familiar position for me. Oh, I know, right, you're like oh, you can control their feet. Oh, okay, that's stuck.

Jeremy:

Yes, oh, there's nothing wrong here. Okay, that'll suck.

Alex:

Yes, oh, there's nothing wrong here, thank you thank you giving me my turn on and all the things oh, here we are, just two naked homosexuals with our dicks out, just talking about authenticity yeah yeah, it's normal, this is, this is the new normal.

Jeremy:

Don't you find that, like when you talk to like a partner or someone, the most authentic conversation happens naked?

Alex:

Yes, so we want you to try it out for yourselves and again, seriously, let us know in the comments what worked for you and what you enjoyed about this video.

Jeremy:

Yeah.

Alex:

Yeah, any final thoughts?

Jeremy:

I just want to say thank you, you're welcome.

Alex:

Thank you for popping my cherry, Thank you for popping mine too. We're both virgins. I don't think we've ever done this before, so I think we did something cool and unique here, I think so, yeah, yeah, all right, y'all, we'll see you later. Bye, bye, thank you, thank you, bye, bye, everyone.

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