Cultivating a Powerful Business Mind with Wisdom from Vivienne Joy| Ep219

Ever felt hemmed in by beliefs you've picked up along the way? We're peeling back the layers of self-imposed boundaries with mindset maestro Vivienne Joy. Together, we uncover the transformative journey of discerning and dismantling those childhood-formed cages that shackle potential. Vivienne's own journey through diverse career landscapes enriches our conversation, infusing it with practical wisdom for every business owner yearning to cast off the shackles of 'playing small.' Her insights provide a compass for navigating the truth of our aspirations, ensuring that they're not just dreams but destinations.

Are you confused by the term coach? There's a big difference between coaches and mentors and trainers, choosing the right one to help you at the right time is important to help you achieve your business aspirations. We're tackling the tough questions about internal roadblocks, understanding the fine line between excuses and legitimate fears, and how our minds often cling to safety nets. With a candid look at how our earliest experiences shape our adult narratives, this episode invites you to a deeper understanding of the psyche – a crucial step for anyone at the helm of a business venture.

As we wrap up, the spotlight turns to the importance of aligning with the right tribe in business. The company you keep can either anchor you to the harbour or sail you towards success. I share why intuition is your best ally in discerning genuine, value-aligned connections from those merely chasing the next sale. And remember, to keep your entrepreneurial ship on course, it's not just about who you know – it's about who you grow with. Don't miss out, subscribe for a front-row seat to an empowerment odyssey with Vivienne Joy and me, as we equip you with the mindset arsenal to conquer both personal and professional spheres.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:51

You're listening to the Mindset in Action podcast, the place to be to grow and streamline your business. I'm your host, donna Eade. Let's jump into the show. Welcome back to the podcast, everybody, for this Mini Mindset Monday. I am super excited. If you listened in two weeks ago for my last Mini Mindset Monday, I am super excited If you listened in two weeks ago for my last mini mindset solo, you will have heard that I am bringing on my fabulous coach, vivian Joy. Welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 2: 1:26

Hello, lovely Donna E.

Speaker 1: 1:30

So if you have been an OG listener to the podcast, you will remember that Vivian was actually on the podcast in episode 69. So I will link that in the show notes for you. That was when the podcast had a completely different name, but I will link that episode for you. If you want a bit more of Viv, but Viv for this first episode. I really want everybody just to get to know you a little bit. Get to know who you are, what that you do, your background, why you do what you do. Just tell us all the things. How long? You got 10 minutes 51.

Speaker 2: 2:04

That means that's about 32 seconds per decade anyway. Uh so, yeah, so obviously, as you say, I'm vivian joy. Um, essentially what I do is help people reset their mindset, and I worked out that I had a messed up mindset from my childhood from a lot of things that happened, and it's not that I had a particularly traumatic childhood, but we all have stuff that happens in our childhood that messes our head up. We create beliefs that are not true and those go through adulthood with us and stop us from doing the things that we probably should be doing, could be doing, would be doing or want to be doing. So that's what I help people with is to help them unpick those. They're never true in the first place most of them because, with respect, I didn't really know anything about the world when I was seven, and neither did you. So you know, when we create a belief and then we live by that from seven to however old we are, we're listeners. It doesn't make any sense, does it? So we have to get rid of those and form new beliefs, empowering beliefs, you know behaviors, thoughts, feelings so that we can move forward and be the best version that we want to be of ourselves and some people are quite happy with the version. They are, in which case, brilliant.

Speaker 2: 3:06

They're probably not listening to this, um, but some people know they've got stuff going on. They've got little voices in their head. They've got thoughts, feelings, behaviors that don't serve them, that they'd really rather not have, and so that's what I help them with, and particularly like to do that with business. Only women, because otherwise they stay playing small, and women typically have got a lot to do in the world. They want to change the world. You know that kind of matriarch. We want to help people. We really are very service based rather than money based. There are money based women don't get me wrong, but most women want to really help people, like to be part of communities, like to feel good and, essentially, if we all kind of combined, got rid of all our mindset shit and got empowered, we could really make this an incredible world. But sadly that's not what happens, and it's because of all the things we've experienced way back in the past.

Speaker 1: 3:53

So yeah, and picking all that so that you can move forward in business is what I'm all about. Fabulous, and tell us a little bit about your background, because you've not been doing this since you left school and you've had such a varied career like I think it's interesting to see how you got from you know when you left school to actually sort of finding your, your path in life and your, your excellent you know thing that you do so well, really read my book.

Speaker 2: 4:21

So the mindset for business, like the first part of my book, talks about my cv, but it doesn't talk about it in a boring way. Hopefully it talks about it in the way of the beliefs I formed, good and bad, like the really brilliant things I I believed about myself I was, I could do anything but the shit things I believed about the fact I was lazy and I wasn't. You know, I wasn't very good at school essentially. You know I didn't go to university and all that kind of stuff. But I was really lucky. When I left school I had no idea what I wanted to do careers advisors back in the day, you know, either a secretary, a hairdresser or a PE teacher. That's all I remember, really. And there was no way of being a hairdresser because I did that when I was 12 in a salon washing hair and I was absolutely useless. I was more soaked than the basin. I was really bad at it and I knew I didn't want to be a PE teacher because I bloody hate games. I hate. Exercise really is a nemesis for me. So secretary was the only option. So for a little, me, 16, went to Ketrin College and did an intensive secretarial course and beholden to me. It was very good fortune that they cancelled the course three months in. I hated it anyway. I hated, I hated education, I hated anything about it. I'm definitely undiagnosed ADHD and slightly autistic, which tells me now why I hated school so much. But I then went and had to get a job and my mate, tracy, who I met, who I was friends with at school, and went and came and did the course with me. She said I've got a job for Volvo. I said oh, what's that doing? She said I'm a secretary. I said right, brilliant. She said there's a job going at our place. So I went, trotted down for the interview it was a bit different back in the day and it was in the accounts. Stuff on computers had no idea charmed my way through at age 16, you know. And Colin gave me the job and I started and it was a big shock to me but I was extremely good at it because I'm really good with numbers and figures, and so that was my beginnings.

Speaker 2: 6:12

Fast forward. About four years after that I had a really good job. I didn't pay very much although they were a really good employer and I was really, really good at it. I started to take over the department.

Speaker 2: 6:20

Um, and I remember one of the guys, andy, who he's married to one of my best friends now, ironically. Um, he used to come in and he had smart, suave suits on and he was all posh. I said to him how can you afford all these suits, andy? He said oh, I get commission for sales. He said you should do sales, you'd be really good at sales. So, cue, then I got the evening telegraph as it was there back in the day on the Thursday night for the jobs and saw a job for American Express as a financial planner. So I went for the interview, got the job and the rest is history, as they say. So they taught me sales. It was commission only and I hated that. And then I went to a recruitment agency and they snapped me up the minute I walked through the door and then I had a career in recruitment. So I've been in many, many industries.

Speaker 2: 7:00

Um, from recruitment I went into sales and marketing, worked for marketing agencies, pr, digital. So I learned very young, before the internet existed, when we were still using fax machines to send things through which, donna, I'm pretty sure you're not old enough. No, I remember fax machines. I'm absolutely ancient, don't I, um, I, from there on, I got absolutely enthralled by the wonder of how you got people to buy things, how you got people to read things, you know how you got how people worked, and I was quite fortunate that with one of those first jobs, lynn the lady who ran it, wanted us all to be better salespeople, although we were turning over a million pound each in sales. Each of the people we I trained them all and, uh, she got in an NLP master and that was the beginning of my career, as is now really Janet her name was, and she was amazing. She would be just sat there like that in awe of Janet every week, like what's Janet going to make us think? This time? That is exactly that's exactly how it went, and within about six weeks of this course that she came and did which which my boss thought was sales, but it wasn't. It was a whole NLP practitioner course and at the end of that it transformed our lives beyond recognition and our business actually, how we did business, how we communicated, how we talked to clients, what we did, how we wrote job adverts, which is essentially what I was doing at the time and so there was my lifelong addiction to NLP, um. So I am now, um, after many years at NLP. I'm at the top of the game really NLP master coach, a hypnotherapist, um, master practitioner and trainer. So I now train people to be able to change their own life and change other people's lives as well, by using head coaching and NLP practices. So that's the short version of the CV.

Speaker 2: 8:37

And I did some dodgy contracts, you know, got forced out of companies that really took me down and you know the whole. You know hear people's stories about how they've been literally dragged under by working for different companies shitty bosses, terrible people steal I had two people steal my job. I had a whole load of stuff in the middle of that that really made me either fight or just go. Do you know what? I'm not doing this anymore? Um, and when my parents, um, both died within eight months of each other when I was 30, it was like I've got to do something different in my life. Now I can't be on the m6 and the m1 and m5 for like five hours a day, which is essentially what I was doing at the time, and I started my own business and that, as they say, is history. So I've not worked for anyone really since I've had to go a couple of times, but I take over because I'm always the leader or the boss, as you know.

Speaker 2: 9:24

Um, so, yeah, not I'm, uh, yeah, and luckily those were the jobs I took. But, um, now I love what I do. Um, probably do it to the day I die. I'll probably be coaching someone on my deathbed. But actually what's going to happen after this is, you'll feel this sense, I can hear myself already coaching whoever's going to be with me when I pass. So, um, yeah, so that's the, the CV shorthanded. But yes, I did get a lot of experience. I worked with so many different companies, you know, from Weetabix and Levi's and Virgin big, big brands right through to one man band local carpet company who didn't know how to sell their, their end of role kind of stuff, and we were doing radio ads for them. So everything in between. So I'm really time served, which meant that I can not only teach people to become coaches, I can help them build that business and work out who to serve, who to help and how to create that business for themselves. So, yeah, I was part of the dot-com revolution back in the day. I love that dial up.

Speaker 1: 10:17

That's all I'm gonna say so what I love is, you know, for me, I'm very careful when I talk to people to tell them that I am a podcast mentor, not a coach, because I feel like I don't, I don't own, I, I'm not a qualified coach for a start. So to me I'm very big on qualifications and I'm like I don't want to go and step over my boundaries and people will call me a podcasting coach and it's happened a few times and I've gotten corrected people because I see coaching is when the answers are within you and mentoring is when people don't know what they're doing. And I know that you do a combination with the people that you work with, because I work with you. So I know that you have that combination because you've got the experience and the skills and the life experience work experience to be able to mentor, but you also have all those qualifications and all of that insight to coach.

Speaker 1: 11:20

And so for people who are looking for help with their mindset and I just wanted to clarify those differences between mentor and coach because I think, because Viv does both, it can get a little bit, you know oh, hang on a minute, is that what coaching is? But she does both because she's got the ability to do both um I. You can't coach somebody to start a podcast if they don't know how to set up audacity absolutely, and that's the best way of describing it, donna, um, like.

Speaker 2: 11:51

So I need a coach because I need, I need to know to learn. Unless you're learning about yourself and what's stopping you or the talents within you, then you don't need a coach. That is it's the most inappropriately used word anywhere honestly, a coach. Most people are mentoring and please know that. You know there are lots of people who are amazing consultants, mentors, trainers, you know confidants, you know sounding boards, whatever you want to call them that are really, really effective, but they're not coaching, and so coaches are trained to ask questions. The way I train my coaches. They're trained in advanced rapport building and to understand body language on a whole other level. So, as a person's answering, they know where that answer is coming from within the brain. So it's a very powerful set of coaching skills, very different than saying to somebody right, what you need to do is you need to do this, and I would do that if I was you, and we'll give that a go and then we'll see what happens, which again is mentoring or training, is this is how everybody does it and this is how you should do it. This is what works for everybody. So they are very different things and I think the first thing people need to work out is what they need, because most people don't know what they need. They just know they need something or someone. And I'll always say have you been and done training courses? Have you read books? Have you watched YouTube's? Have you done free stuff? Yes, have you done it yet? No, you probably need a coach. That's the way I'd ask somebody, because there's so much information. I mean, Donna, I'm sure you've got loads of free stuff out there that people I mean this podcast for a start I feel sure will give them loads of insights. So if they still haven't started their podcast, they've got a mind block, they've got a confidence issue, they're scared of visibility, they don't know who they're talking to, they don't know what they're saying, which I know you mentor them to help them with, really. So I do that part. But if your mind is set in the past, it won't let you get past it. So if your mind needs to move into the future, it needs to be unblocked and reset. That's why I do what I do, and I did this because I started helping business owners and realized that they weren't getting anywhere. I've been like what's going on here. You said you were going to do that. You said you were going to call that person. You said you were going to create that page. You said you were going to write that blog. You haven't done any of it.

Speaker 2: 13:52

I'm sure you've watched a lot of Netflix and actually what happens is when we're scared of something, we hide right. We either think, oh, we don't really need it. We'll make all sorts of bullshit excuses up to ourself, oh no, I'll do it next week, it'll be better, the summer will be better, people will read things. I don't know. We make all sorts of crap justifications for ourselves, but actually what's really going on is we're just trying to keep ourself nice and safe. That's all the unconscious is doing and, rather than getting annoyed with ourselves, if we just understand which part of us wants what level of safety and how can we stay safe while we still do it, that's step by step, just moving forward, and we're more likely to move towards success and not stay in safety, which is what the brain trains us to do. That's why people stay safe. I mean, that's why, when you know God forbid four years ago we all went into this crazy stay safe place, it's like we're all terrified. I think some people haven't fully come out of it yet. Actually, um, yeah, absolutely. But a post out yesterday or the day before um, about the. You know what I posted when we went into lockdown or we were just about to. And some people are saying, yeah, we're still there, our industry's still there, we're still there, and it's four years on. So the brain will do all it can to keep you safe at all times. So mostly people are the JFdi. They're just getting on with it, despite being terrified, despite being nervous, despite being all dry mouths.

Speaker 2: 15:05

You know, I watch public speakers. I do a lot of, you know, public speaking stuff and I watch them go on and they're terrified, I mean literally terrified. Dry mouth, shaking, red face, sweating, blotchy, shaking knees, going, you know, you think are they going to make it onto the stage? You're like, wow, we need to sort that out. What are you really scared of? What is going on there? So and that's the same with all parts of business, by the way, but that one's just the most visible you must have a podcast. They know exactly what they're going to say about. And they've got all the kit, probably, and they, you know, they've got it, all the platform sorted. Now you've got to speak into that microphone and record that thing. Terrifying for most people.

Speaker 2: 15:43

Most do you know what most of it comes from? Donald though I'm, I don't know whether you've had this experience it comes from school. Do you remember having to stand up and do like your five times table or your ten times table, seven times table? Holy shit, don't know that bit. Most of us we were like ah, um, or you know, reading out loud or spelling stuff. We were made to feel like we couldn't do stuff. So it comes really young on, comes from you know, junior school, sometimes even infant school, if you can't write the cup. I remember the cards that we had to write for our mother's day cards and things like that. Um, we're made to feel like we can't do this as good as the person next to us or in that class. And we should be able to. And that's what. That's what really messes us up, because it's not true, is it?

Speaker 1: 16:22

we're all so different oh, that's a brilliant example as well, because I was speaking to somebody the other day and I was talking to them about that exact thing is that at junior school we used to put our chairs on the desk so the cleaners could clean underneath, and we'd have to stand there at our desks and the teacher would say, okay, seven times table and point to the first person, and they would have to go 7, 14, 21 and then, if you were ready, you were like and you're panicking and you're trying to work out what number you're going to be, so that you can try and work it out, and oh, my god, and if you got it wrong, you had to stand there.

Speaker 1: 16:54

Oh, you weren't allowed to go. Everybody who got it right got to go home and you could be left at this last one standing because you didn't get the question right.

Speaker 2: 17:02

I didn't even have that, donna. That's terrible. I bet you don't get numbers either, so you'd create a belief in that moment. You know good with figures, you know good at numbers, you know good at standing up. You're not as good as the first five people. You would absolutely create a whole belief system that's not true just based on that. In fact, we didn't have it quite like that.

Speaker 2: 17:18

But I remember a girl called Sarah in my class who had to stand up and read out loud and she had a lisp so and she wet herself. She was so nervous and scared she wet herself and even as a six year I think I was six or seven I remember thinking that's not right. Why are you making her do that? She was so scared she wet herself. So you can imagine the belief she created back then and carried through her life. I wonder what she does now. I've no idea, but I bet it's not public speaking or anything where she has to be customer facing, because she was terrified. Yeah, you know now, when people have lisps, well, I kind of like them. I think they're quite cute. I think we you know we don't we don't have a problem with it, but kids are awful, aren't they. She was already being teased for that, so for then that to be a problem, yeah, yeah we've got sorts of beliefs in school, terrible beliefs.

Speaker 2: 17:58

Um, I, yeah, I think you know if you're taller, fatter, thinner, more clever, prettier, more popular, not as rich, I mean, there's so many variants classist variants that we've got actually discriminatory variants that we have with children when we get older. We're not supposed to do that. We're not allowed to do that Legally, we're not allowed to do that in a lot of areas, and yet we do. You know, this conscious bias is created by the unconscious. This unconscious bias is created by the unconscious to keep us safe. I'm going to stay on this side. I'm going to pretend I'm on my phone, just in case. Nothing wrong with these lads. They're just standing having a fag, probably, or whatever they did when they were 15. I don't even know what they are, but my brain thinks I can't defend myself.

Speaker 2: 18:43

So we will judge. We do naturally do that and we judge ourselves more than we judge anybody else. And that's the problem we've got. We're judging ourselves. We look in the mirror, we do all sorts of work around ourselves of you're not good enough, you don't look this, you're not that. You should have done that. You could have done that. Why didn't you? This level of self-talk really is debilitating in all areas of life, but particularly in business, because you are your own boss, so no one's saying to you, would you know? It'll be all right, get on with it. You're like that.

Speaker 1: 19:07

I can't do it, that's what your brain's going.

Speaker 2: 19:09

I don't want to do it, I'm not good enough, I can't, and there's no teacher or friend or parent even to go. Come on, it'll be OK. Or do you know what? You don't have to do it, so you're having to parent yourself through it all. I do a lot of transactional analysis stuff. In fact I've got a workshop a free workshop at the end of this month, so I don't know when this is going out, but is your inner child in charge? Because if that inner child is in charge of the business, it's never going to work, it's never going to happen. You've got to get that in a child, nice and comfy and safe, so that the rest of you can take charge of the business, the adult can get boss of it and do it. Yeah, it's very powerful work Mindset, work and mindset.

Speaker 2: 19:47

I think people think mindset work is the rah, rah. Come on Motivational Tony Robbins stuff. By the way, I'm an absolute fan of Tony Robbins. All of the stuff he does is NLP. I'm not sure how he, I'm not sure about him as a person, but actually his methodologies are a bit harsh for a lot of people, but he does get results. I've been to a few of his things. But it's very much the case of we believe what we tell ourselves. We believe what we tell ourselves, and if we're telling ourselves we're shit and we can't do it, then that's what's going to happen.

Speaker 1: 20:12

So that's what you help with, which I love. So where can people find you if they want to find out more and start sort of delving into everything? Vivian Joy, well, it's funny.

Speaker 2: 20:26

You should say that because I was at an event last week and I met a lovely woman and she went you're bloody everywhere. I was like, oh, you must need me then, because otherwise I wouldn't be coming up if my algorithm work is working. So, yeah, obviously, vivienne Joy. I'm spelt the French way Thanks, mum. I'm going to have to spell it forever and joy, so that my business is Vivienne Joy Coaching. So VivienneJoycom is my website, so you'll find all sorts of lovely things on there.

Speaker 2: 20:51

You know, I've got my own podcast, anata that Matters, where I talk into it, and I've got people that I interview, um, about all sorts of things around business building. There's loads of free stuff. There's a video library of trainings there's probably about two, three hundred of them in there. Uh, so you know, just to get you started, um, just to work out who I am and if I'm right for you because I'm not for everybody I'm going to probably say the things and ask the things you don't want me to ask. Hey, donna, you've been on the receiving end. Yeah, yeah, that's not nice to hear, that's not easy, but it's bloody right. And once you come to terms with it and I know because I say it to myself. You know, I've got.

Speaker 2: 21:21

I'm building my business in a different way now and I've got in my own way. I'm like, oh my God, I get where everybody is New level, new devil. So it's not figures, and they have the same problem, exactly the same, doesn't matter where we are. We always think, oh, once we get loads of money and loads of clients and we we know we're good at it, it'll be, it'll be okay, because then you want to go to the next level and then you've got a whole load of not okay again. So, um, yeah, I've got some really big ambition with mushy coaches, which is my certification um for the next 18 months, which has me going oh god, that's all scary stuff. Like I don't know who I am at that level of not even it's not even about the money really but that level of people that are all there doing you know what I do essentially and helping the world change.

Speaker 2: 22:03

It's like mind blowing. It makes me a little bit emotional in a good way, but it's all a bit overwhelming. You know, business is pretty overwhelming. There's a lot to do, a lot to do, a lot to learn and just when you think you've learned it, it all changes and you have to learn it again.

Speaker 2: 22:20

And then you find someone else is telling you that bit wasn't right in the first place because the person you chose to learn it from hadn't really learned it. They've just done it, somebody else had done it and yeah, there's a lot of that going on at the moment. So, yeah, choose your people wisely. People that's my out to sell, and don't get me wrong, we need to sell in business, we need to make money, but some people have got their heart in the base of it and they're not all those people that are saying they have you can just feel it. So definitely, kind of tune in and just trust your gut about who's right for you, not because they're saying something, because you can feel it from them. That's my biggest bit of advice really at the end of this, this sesh brilliant.

Speaker 1: 22:52

Okay, guys, there will be links in the show notes for you, as always, for you to go and connect with Vivian and join us in a fortnight and we're going to be talking more about mindset, so come and join us then. This is going to be a regular thing. So if you've enjoyed today, make sure you're subscribed where you listen so you don't miss out when we next have a chat. So thank you, vivian, and thank you, you listeners.