Podcast LIVE Session Mind Over Matter: Nicola Tonsager |EP306

Ready to transform your relationship with imposter syndrome? Donna Eade welcomes Nicola Tonsaga, founder of Soul Signatures, for a refreshingly honest conversation about the self-doubt that plagues entrepreneurs at every stage of their journey.

Nicola immediately normalises this experience, explaining that imposter syndrome isn't a sign of weakness but a natural response when we step outside our comfort zones. The transformative shift happens when we move from seeking external validation to cultivating self-worth from within. This inner authority allows us to reframe our narrative from "Who am I to do this?" to "Who am I NOT to do this?"

The conversation delves into how comparison, particularly on social media, fuels our feelings of inadequacy. Nicola shares her own struggle with trying to follow marketing methods that didn't align with her authentic self, highlighting the freedom that comes when you embrace "your business, your rules." This becomes a powerful antidote to the comparisonitis that keeps so many entrepreneurs stuck in doubt.

Perhaps most profound is Nicola's distinction between mindset and embodied belief. While mindset represents our mental stories, true belief resides in the body—you feel it through every fiber of your being. This embodied conviction becomes unshakable, carrying you through challenges regardless of circumstances. For those currently wrestling with imposter syndrome, Nicola offers this transformative advice: get out of your mind and into your body.

Tune in to discover why persistent imposter syndrome might actually be signaling misalignment with your true path, and how growth isn't a linear destination but an ongoing journey of unfolding potential. 

 Nicola Tonsager is the author of Being Soul Confident and host of the Being Soul Confident Podcast.

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Chapters

• 1:00 Introduction to Mindset in Action Podcast
• 2:05 Introducing Nicola Tonsaga on Imposter Syndrome
• 3:44 Understanding Self-Worth and Belief
• 6:07 Staying in Your Own Lane
• 11:42 Belief Lives in the Body
• 16:42 Moving Beyond Mind into Body
• 21:42 Episode Closing and Next Week Preview

Transcript

Donna Eade: 0:30

You're listening to the Mindset in Action podcast, the place to be to grow and streamline your business. I'm your host, donna Eade. Let's jump into the show. Well, hello everyone. I am so excited to be here with you this week.

Donna Eade: 0:53

This week, I am sharing the first in my series of six episodes that are going out, which are delivering to you the talks that I did at my live event at the beginning of April. So a month later, I'm now sharing what those sessions were with you here on the podcast. So I'm absolutely delighted to share with you the first talk that we had at the event, which was Nicola Tonsaga, who was talking to us about mindset and imposter syndrome and moving out of the mind and into the body. Nicola is a fantastic lady. She is a superstar in what she does. She's the founder of Soul Signatures. She has a podcast called the being Soul Confident podcast. I urge you to check that out if you are so inclined, and I would love to invite you to listen to this conversation that we had about imposter syndrome. So this is Nicola, everybody. Nicola, if you would like to take your microphone off the stand, you need to eat it please.

Nicola Tonsager: 2:06

Oh, oh really oh, yeah, okay, you've got to be quite close. If we go in and out, you'll have to remind me. Yeah, I will.

Donna Eade: 2:12

I will because we're recording and Matthew has told me in no uncertain terms we need to be eating the microphones for the recording purposes.

Nicola Tonsager: 2:18

It's probably not as appetising as lunch, is it?

Donna Eade: 2:21

No, no, definitely not. So yeah, there's that Right, Nicola. Introduce yourself to everybody, Tell them who you are and what it is that you do.

Nicola Tonsager: 2:31

Hello. So Nicola Tonsaga Donna has already introduced me and I work primarily with women around self-belief, identity, confidence and self-worth, and I work with a process, an approach called Soul Signatures, which is my own modality, and I also work with coaching and NLP to support them in their transformation.

Donna Eade: 2:56

Amazing. Okay, so today we're going to be talking about imposter syndrome, because I think it is something that hits every single person at different stages of their business and life. So what does imposter syndrome look like to you? What does it mean to you?

Nicola Tonsager: 3:14

Well, I think it's really important to understand that we often face imposter syndrome and the fact that we are feeling it doesn't make us unique or individual, it doesn't set us aside from lots of other people make or mean that we're doing something wrong. I think whenever we up level, whenever we move into something that is outside of our comfort zone, it can be quite normal to feel as though we can't do something or we're looking at, actually, who am I to do this? But for me, imposter syndrome and really kind of allowing it to step back, and some of it is that narrative in the mind, but it comes down to self-worth and it comes down to self-belief and I think if we really look at who we are and that self-worth starts to come from within us rather than externally within life, and we're taught primarily to look for external validation but actually looking for it internally can help to really shift that narrative to well, actually, who am I to do this, to who am I not to do this? And I think we're all here. I don't know about you, ladies, but you know we're all here. I don't know about you, ladies, but we're all here to be of service to the world, to do things that actually help support, whether that is shifting mindset, whether it's shifting belief, whether it's bringing more joy into our life, whether it's actually understanding what freedom is.

Nicola Tonsager: 4:28

For us and for me, that means that we're going to meet those aspects of ourselves that are going to ask us to grow, that are going to ask us to step outside of what we know to be safe, what we know to be certain, and in doing that, we're going to meet those parts of ourselves that do wonder, actually, can I do this? How am I going to do this? And maybe that's more of a question to ask how am I going to do this rather than can I do this?

Donna Eade: 4:55

Yeah, brilliant, brilliant. So when we are dealing with a bout of imposter syndrome, where do you think that's?

Nicola Tonsager: 5:06

coming from. I think it depends what you're doing and I think it depends where you are within yourself, but very often it's an aspect of safety. I mean, we are programmed for safety, you know, from a very young age, or subconscious mind seeks to protect us. So we're programmed for safety and whenever we step outside of that aspect of what is known to us, we are moving into territory that's unknown. Yep, and if we think about the online world as well, there is a huge amount of comparison, but there's also a huge amount of stuff that isn't really real, and we were having a conversation this morning about the fact that, as business owners and as women in business, nothing is rosy all of the time. We all meet challenges, and that is absolutely perfectly normal.

Nicola Tonsager: 5:51

So if we're having a bout of imposter syndrome, usually it's because we are about to step into something that is going to ask us to grow, that is going to challenge us in some way, and the thing that certainly helps me move through that is actually what I'm aiming toward, not what I'm moving away from, but actually what I'm aiming toward and what my desire is, what my passion is, how I'm serving, how I'm serving, how I'm supporting, and that desire and that goal becomes bigger than the voice that says I'm not sure I can do this or I don't know how to do this, and then that becomes well, I don't know how to do this yet, but I'll figure out a way to do it.

Nicola Tonsager: 6:26

Yeah, and it's a. It's really attaching to who we're here to be, but it's also attaching to the change that we want to create in the world and really asking ourselves to step forward into that space and to know that, actually, if we have that vision and we have that aim and we have that desire, that it's possible, because if it wasn't, we wouldn't have it within us in the first place so good, so good.

Donna Eade: 6:51

So when we were talking before, yeah, we had a conversation about this. I had a conversation with all of my speakers before. I totally forgot what that conversation was, which is why I'm here to prompt you um, so we were talking about passion and worthiness and comparisonitis, yeah, um, how do you think those show up for business owners, and why is it such a thing that we just don't seem to be able to move past? Why does it get us stuck?

Nicola Tonsager: 7:20

Well, I think, first of all, there's something about staying in our own lane. It's really easy, particularly on social media, to see everybody else doing so brilliantly, and of course, we want to post the stuff that we get right and we want to share all of the amazing things that we do. But we also have moments where actually things are not so great, where we're finding that that we're meeting a challenge, where we're trying to change what we're doing or we're going through a shift in ourselves and we're having to learn how to do things differently. But we're also having to learn how to look at things differently. So I think I think we can really get caught up in looking what someone else is doing, and it's really easy to compare ourselves to somebody who's been in business five years if we're only actually in year two, and that doesn't do ourselves any favours because we are doing something differently. We're learning our business our way, and I think that's also important because we are individuals.

Nicola Tonsager: 8:12

And I don't know about you guys, but if it comes down to marketing, I struggled for about two years to try and do marketing the way somebody told me I should do marketing and it just did not align to who I was and because it didn't align to who I was.

Nicola Tonsager: 8:25

And it wasn't about not being willing to look at something from a different perspective, but it was about realizing that the way someone else did it was not the way that sat right for me, and as soon as I realized that, it shifted. So I think we have to look at ourselves as an individual and we can learn from what other people are doing. But to compare ourselves actually takes us away from the joy in the journey that we are on. Yeah, because we're comparing ourselves usually to what we're not doing right, and there's always something that we are doing right, there's always something that we're doing brilliantly. But to take away the joy of that journey and the growth of that journey and the learning of the journey that we are, that happens when we actually compare ourselves to what someone else is doing.

Donna Eade: 9:12

Yeah, I think you're completely right. Right, I had literally this was the topic of my podcast this week. If you haven't listened to it, it was stay in your own lane. And that is because I think we do, and I, and one of the things that um jenny has said, um in her slide, and something that carly is always saying, carly is my business bestie. By by the way, you've got sweets in your bag, enjoy them. It's really a case of your business, your rules, your journey. Yeah, and we really need to focus on what it is that we are doing in our business, and I think we spend too much time looking at what everybody else is doing.

Nicola Tonsager: 9:52

Yeah, and don't get me wrong, there are things that we all have to learn, and I think one of the things that we have to do is also open our mind to the different way we can do things. Yeah, because it's different stages of growth, we'll need to reflect how we've done something up to this point is probably not how we do something for the next stage, and we have to open our mind and our perspective to how things can be done differently. But we also have to stay attuned to what feels right for us, to what is right for us and actually to what our vision is, and make sure we are actually aiming towards that and not taking lots of tangents Just because something is trendy or because someone else is doing something and it looks good or it appears to look good.

Donna Eade: 10:34

Yeah, yeah, and that's the other thing, isn't it is? And and I said that on the podcast this week is how people put out the best version of themselves, because that's what we want to do, isn't it? We don't want to show all the warts and everything and, and there are people out there that share some you know, more personal things. I know andrea's really good at like integrating the personal with the business, but then there are some people that just don't put anything personal out and you can't connect to that. But they're giving it all this and I'm, I'm here and I'm great and everything else, and you don't really get to see the real what's going on behind the scenes and they're keeping that private and it's it's completely up to you.

Donna Eade: 11:11

You don't have to put your business all over social media. That's not what it's there for. But it's really important as consumers of that content that we remember this is only a snapshot of somebody's life. It is not exactly what they're doing all the time. It doesn't mean that they haven't got hard things going on behind the scenes, and it doesn't mean they're as successful as they are portraying themselves to be, because we're all doing a little bit of fake it till you make it, don't you think?

Nicola Tonsager: 11:38

so that's really interesting so I think we do, maybe, but then I also think that we're moving away from that aspect of fake it till we make it. And there's a really big difference for me between having belief in what I'm here for and really feeling that all the way through me and really following that path. And okay, there are going to be stumbles and it's okay to share those, but actually being really true to who you are and but also giving other people permission to do that too. So actually giving other people permission to say, actually, you know what, I'm having a bad week, I'm having a bad day. This maybe hasn't gone to plan, but it doesn't alter the belief that I have in what I'm doing and and what I'm here to do and what I'm here to bring.

Nicola Tonsager: 12:20

And I know we're kind of talking a little bit about mindset, but for me, belief is body. Yes, belief, you feel it through every single fiber of your being, and the mindset is is the story. The mindset is the you know, like if you're going to go to the gym or something and you know it's going to be hard work and the mind says, oh no, you don't really want to do that today. That's the story that we can change, but that belief that we're holding, that's in the body and we feel it. And you know, when you've had that conviction, that passion, that real sense of certainty for what you're here for, there is absolutely no doubt, doesn't matter what comes up for you, doesn't matter where you are in your journey, that belief is absolutely unshakable. And if it's not really anchored, I would say you haven't actually quite got that belief exactly where it needs to be and maybe there's a little bit of you that doesn't really quite believe it. And if you believe it, that will carry you through everything.

Donna Eade: 13:20

So potentially part of the imposter syndrome could be that we're actually not doing the right thing, not doing what we are called to do.

Nicola Tonsager: 13:28

Yeah, sometimes and I think you know alignment's a really big word it's a quite a big buzzword at the moment. I'm not sure it's a word that I really love, because I personally I think we realign all of the time. You know, vibrationally we're changing, our frequency changes, so we're in a constant process of actually realigning to who we are in the moment, to what's really true for us right now. But I do think that when we are in that place where maybe we're heading in the wrong direction, that's where we haven't got the belief, we haven't got that centered sense of self and that centered sense of certainty which actually carries us through the challenge, to the goal, to the road that we're traveling to where we want to go on. So, yeah, in that respect, absolutely, maybe if we are really facing a lot of imposter syndrome, it's maybe because we're not actually on the journey that we need to be on, on the road that we need to be on really in the wrong lane, ladies?

Donna Eade: 14:23

yeah, absolutely in the wrong lane. Love that, love that. Um. So do you think that it's a one and done process, like working out what it is that we're here to do? And I've got a feeling I already know the answer from what you've just said, but explain it to us like can we like work it all out, get past imposter syndrome and be perfectly okay and just live the rest of our lives all happy with no more imposter syndrome? We all want the yes answer to that.

Nicola Tonsager: 14:50

Okay um, so so yeah, if you, if, if you, if you want, if you want, if you want to live, if you want to live an entirely different life, that where you're not really connecting to who you are, then I think you could, you can go and do that. But no, because I think we change all the time and I think our identity changes all the time as well. And you know, I think we're here to. My belief is we're here to unfold everything that we are, you know, and as we meet a particular potential, as we meet a particular aim, we meet a potential within who we are, within what we're trying particular aim, we meet a potential within who we are, within what we're trying to achieve, a different potential unfolds. So I don't believe that we ever get to the destination, and the destination is the final point.

Nicola Tonsager: 15:32

I believe that the journey that we're on, as we get to that place, helps us to unfold into something more, with a different vision, with a, with a bolder goal, with something else that we really want to bring to the world, with a different vision, with a bolder goal, with something else that we really want to bring to the world, with a different way we want to serve with a different aspect of purpose.

Nicola Tonsager: 15:48

So and that doesn't mean to say there isn't immense joy and there isn't immense wonder in the journey but I think if we look at ourselves as a journey, so we're always evolving, we're always kind of unbecoming all of the stories and the, the conditioning that we are and we're allowing ourselves to really unfold into the fullness of who we are.

Nicola Tonsager: 16:11

So there's a freer expression within who we are. Then that's a journey, and so we're never quite. We don't actually quite get to there, because when we get there we realize there's more and there's more growth, there's more journey, there's more joy, there's a different road that we want to travel and we're ready for it because we've traveled. We've traveled the journey to that point. So, and I think when we look at it like that, if something changes and maybe we don't quite hit the destination that we were originally aiming for, that's okay, because actually there's something else that is just as exciting, that is just as worthwhile and that's actually going to bring us a deeper level of fulfillment so yeah, so no, no honestly, I was really hoping for that, yes, but I think I think I have looked at it.

Donna Eade: 17:04

I look outside of me a lot, and I did. I've been spending the last couple of years looking internally a lot more. But I spent a long time looking out at everybody and I have been an entrepreneur on and off since I was 18. And I have been in jobs and done all of that raised a child, et cetera. And I watch other people in my community you know mums of kids that go to my school and I just look at them like living their lives and they're not doing anything and I'm just like how can you be happy just doing that kind of life? It's like I just couldn't comprehend how somebody could just bear seven children I know someone like this not work, stay at home, look after the kids and and be happy like I. Just I was wish and it could be that that is completely their purpose, their fulfillment and what brings them utter joy, but it was. It would make me want to die inside and I'm just like I don't. I don't understand why can't I be happy?

Nicola Tonsager: 18:06

but you're you and your journey is your journey, and the path that you're here to walk and the way that you are unfolding and what you're bringing to the world, you know, with the way that you support podcasts and people to launch their podcasts, that is, that is a purpose, that's a passion, that's a mission for you and and whether you, whether you would like, let's say, an easier, easier path sometimes what it looks like- to be from the outside, but that's not to say that it is for sure it wouldn't fulfill you no, yeah, because there's a drive and there's a passion, there's a desire within you that you are being asked to express.

Donna Eade: 18:43

Yeah and I think that is a really good point that to come out of this conversation is is finding what that journey, what that path is for you and and really honing in on that finding what the path is right now, knowing that actually that path may be different in 12 months time, five years time, you know, and just allowing yourself to be the journey.

Nicola Tonsager: 19:05

And I don't, I really don't believe that there is anything external within life that has any hold on who we really are. It's not about what we're striving for, it's about who we are becoming in the journey towards that and how we help other people to actually really connect more deeply into themselves and allow a greater sense of freedom and a greater sense of expression in who they are. Um, I have a great belief that soul is here to actualize through the human experience. You know. So it's so we are. We are fully within that expanse of energy, and that happens with freedom. That happens with the freedom from all of the limitations that we place upon ourselves or that are placed upon us, and actually being able to expand beyond those and have a full free expression of who we are yeah, absolutely love that.

Donna Eade: 20:00

So have a question. If anybody has any questions, please think about it. Put your hand up. I can get you to shout out in a minute. But a question I've got for you is if somebody is here today and they are stuck in this imposter syndrome they're not feeling great about it what would you say would be the first steps they need to take to find their way?

Nicola Tonsager: 20:20

so imposter syndrome for me is mind. It is the mind telling us what we cannot, what we cannot do, um. So my advice would be to get out of the mind and get in the body, however that works for you, whether it's whether it's movement, whether it's really feeling a deep connection within yourself. But move out of the mind, and you know the mind should serve the desire that comes from within us, not the other way around. So, yeah, move out of the mind brilliant.

Donna Eade: 20:48

Has anybody else got any questions for nicola before we end the session? Go zina hello.

Nicola Tonsager: 20:56

Oh, I'm so pleased. Oh, thank you very much, thank you lovely.

Donna Eade: 21:01

Thank you, zina. And just for those of you who are listening back home, she said that everything was resonating with her. We haven't got the microphone so um, yeah, brilliant. Thank you so much. Thank you, nicola, for being my first speaker most welcome.

Donna Eade: 21:14

thank you. Well, I hope you enjoyed that conversation with me and nicola at the live podcast event. I will be sharing the next interview with you next week, which will be Andrea Rainsford. We were talking about planning and why that is important in your business. She has a great story to share, so join us next week for Andrea Rainsford's session. Thank you, nicola, for joining me on this session and for being at the event. If you want to check out Nicola, all of her links will be in the show notes, so go ahead and check her out and I'll see you next week.

Nicola Tonsager: 21:52

Bye for now.