123. The Fears That Hold You Back: 5 Limiting Beliefs Keeping You From Healthy Love

Gemma answers the most common questions she’s received about Love Wisely and widens the lens to address the deeper fears and limiting beliefs that stop women from changing their relationship patterns. You’ll learn how schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness/shame, subjugation, approval-seeking and unrelenting standards) quietly shape attraction, tolerance, and your choices and what it looks like to shift from fear-driven decisions to wise, Healthy Adult decisions.

What You’ll Learn

• Why “I want love” is not neediness and why there’s no shame in wanting a partner, the goal is a good partner.
• 5 fears that keep you stuck (and the schemas beneath them):
  1. “What if I can’t change?” → defectiveness, hopelessness; how willingness and skills create traction.
  2. “What if I’m behind everyone else?” → inner critic, comparison traps; using the paradoxical theory of change (accept where you are to move forward).
  3. “I’ve tried before and it didn’t work.” → learned helplessness; why the right framework goes deeper than tips.
  4. “Maybe I’m not meant to find love.” → self-fulfilling prophecy; moving from fate to agency and changing actions that drive outcomes.
  5. “There’s no one for me / no one could love me as I am.” → defectiveness/shame; how this belief warps dating behaviour and tolerance for crumbs.
• Rewriting your Love Template: bringing unconscious maps into the light, strengthening your Healthy Adult, and re-parenting vulnerable parts so they’re not making dating decisions.
• A hopeful reframe: your beliefs are learned, not destiny and learned beliefs can be unlearned.

Key Ideas & Takeaways

• Limiting beliefs are echoes of the past, not predictions of your future.
• Compare yourself only to your own trajectory, not to others.
• No relationship is a waste if you extract the learning.
• Real change is skills + practice: noticing triggers, choosing different responses, and getting out earlier when needed.
• You already have an innate wisdom, schema work helps you hear it again.

Who This Episode Is For

Women who want a healthy, emotionally available relationship and are ready to stop repeating patterns with unavailable or narcissistic partners.

Resources & Next Steps

• Join Love Wisely (12-week transformational group coaching) - doors close Wed 17 September (midnight AEST). First 5 enrolments receive a complimentary 1:1 intention-setting call. Program starts Wed 24 September.
• Questions? Email hello@drgemmagladstone.com