Connect Inspire Create

168 Navigating Leadership with Empathy and Self-Care with Jenna Stoliker

• Jenna Stoliker • Season 5 • Episode 168

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Have you ever wondered how to build a truly cohesive and trusting team environment? 

My guest today is Jenna Stoliker, Conscious Leadership Coach. She is your guide to leading with confidence and the power of feminine leadership principles. As an ICF-credentialed coach with a fire in her belly for empowering women, Jenna helps leaders tap into their emotional intelligence and build unshakeable confidence. Using her unique Trust Inside Assessments, she helps you measure and develop the skills you need to navigate change, build strong teams, and lead with impact.

One of the primary discussions in this episode is about building trust within a team or organizational culture. Jenna explains how acceptance and non-judgmental behavior can significantly reduce stress and foster stronger relationships. By accepting individuals for who they are, leaders can create an open and trusting environment. Jenna also touches on the importance of body language in non-judgmental behavior, emphasizing that trust isn't just built through words but through actions and demeanor as well.

Emotional intelligence stands out as a critical component of effective leadership. Jenna and Carol discuss how emotional intelligence can be distilled into key elements such as warmth, understanding, and encouragement. These elements contribute to a sense of belonging and purpose, enhancing the overall meaning and fulfillment in one's work. The conversation also explores how reliability intersects with creating a supportive and cohesive team environment, further reinforcing the importance of trust.

Connect with Jenna on LinkedIn  https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennastoliker/
or visit her website https://jennastoliker.com/

Here is your free guide for leaders to tap into the 7 daily habits of conscious leaders (beyond getting up at 5am and drinking water): https://jennastoliker.com/7habits/

and

A self coaching exercise to explore: https://jennastoliker.com/rewrite


Hello from your host, Carol Clegg. A coach for coaches! I work with women coaches to find balance with ease and flow, manage stress, cultivate self-empathy, and set meaningful goals that resonate with their individual coaching practices.

My clients often have too many ideas and struggle to decide which one to focus on first, leading to a HUGE BLOCK in just getting started. I love to help simplify the process, explore what is getting in the way and guide you to choose the next project, enjoy the journey, and celebrate progress while taking small, meaningful steps.

If you would like to take the complimentary Saboteur assessment to discover what gets in your way and then follow up with a complimentary coaching session to explore your results. Take your assessment here or visit carolclegg.com

BOOK your ✅ 30 minute complimentary exploration call HERE

Connect on LinkedIn and Instagram or join my LinkedIn Group Creative Ideas for Women Business Owners

Carol Clegg:

Well, hello and welcome to Connect, Inspire, Create. I'm your host, Carol Clegg, a progress and mindset business coach, here to help you thrive and flourish and turn those challenges into opportunities for growth. So, whether you're looking to find balance, say goodbye to procrastination or just in need of a friendly nudge towards your goals, Remember we're all on this journey together. So grab your favorite cup of something, be it coffee, tea or something else, and let's dive into this conversation today. Well, thank you everybody for being here and listening to the show and welcome. Joining me today is my guest, Jenna SStalica, Conscious Leadership Coach, helping you navigate your leadership path from the strength of who you are. So, Jenna, hello and welcome. Thanks for being here.

Jenna Stoliker:

Well, thank you for having me. I'm glad to be in this space with you.

Carol Clegg:

Carol, yeah, this is going to be fun. I think we're going to have some inspiration for our listeners. I'd love to just share a little bit about you, if I may, and some of the things that I peeked at on your website. But that question are you tired of the same old leadership stereotypes? And I know that you love to be the guide to help leading with confidence and the power of feminine leadership principles and, as an ICF credential coach which I love, what you say, fire in your belly for empowering women. So that is just.

Carol Clegg:

Yeah, it's so important to have our why and why we do this, but that you help leaders tap into their emotional intelligence and build unshakable confidence, and you use your unique trust inside assessments, helping measure and develop the skills that people need to change and build strong teams and to lead with impact. And I know you mentioned that you worked in corporate America for many years and you've mentioned saying you struggle to fit into a mold that wasn't shaped for you being introspective and a person who waits to hear everyone else's thoughts before sharing your own, and being the quiet one in the organizational cultures that rewards fast talkers and boldness felt awkward for you. Can you tell me more um your question. Yeah, what does that look like? What journey did that take you on?

Jenna Stoliker:

Yes, oh, my gosh, great question. I don't know if anybody's actually asked me that. So, yeah, you know, and it's interesting as I was listening to you kind of share some of that. Here's what I learned about myself through all of this.

Jenna Stoliker:

I really thought it was a bit of a weakness because I would receive feedback early on in my career. You need to speak up more. You need to share your ideas more. You know, just tell me what you're, tell me what you're thinking. You need to pipe in a little bit more and yes, there's truth to that.

Jenna Stoliker:

I probably was a bit too reserved to that. I probably was a bit too reserved, especially early on. However, my thing where my strength lies is I will respond and pipe in with my thoughts or ideas about something once I've really heard where other people might stand on a particular subject or what their ideas are. So I think what I did not realize this early on, but what I see as a strong strength of mine now is weaving together the threads and finding the common ground that people are sharing their thinking. You know, especially when you're in a group setting, if everyone else is trying to talk over one another, I actually sit back and I'm listening and for the themes and the comments. Once I hear that or can sometimes hear as soon as I visualize it too that's when I may have something to contribute.

Carol Clegg:

I love that you're sharing that, because I think so often we rush into something and respond, and so that ability to just gather this image of sort of just gathering these pieces and putting them into the bucket and letting them layer and settle for a little bit, gives one an opportunity to contribute and I also think people feel heard.

Jenna Stoliker:

I would like to think so I would like, so that you've received that feedback.

Jenna Stoliker:

Um, and, and actually something also just occurred to me now as we were sharing, I think, if we're, if you're thinking about where you are in your career trajectory, it seems to me that oftentimes in business, like in the corporate world, early on in your career, when you're really maybe developing an area of expertise, that speaking up, being really heard, putting your voice out there, your opinions out there, does seem to help you gain traction, right, it puts you kind of at the top or the front of the room or wherever you know you get noticed.

Jenna Stoliker:

But then I think, as the career goes on, we get so accustomed, maybe, to have showing, to have shown up that way that when you reach, uh, maybe, a leather level of leadership where you may have people reporting to you maybe you're actually overseeing multiple departments speaking up in the way that you learn to speak up early on in your career doesn't always serve you well, right, there's a transition that needs to occur where you're actually now you're sitting back and listening for those common threads and it feels like a role reversal in some ways, right.

Carol Clegg:

I love just that thought. Now, as you're saying, you know, true leadership isn't about conforming. You mentioned that it's embracing your distinct strengths and then leading from a place of authenticity. And so, as you shared that transition from, I understand, when you're starting off in your career, there's certain elements that would be important, but then, once you move into this leadership role, becoming a conscious leader, can you tell me more? When you say conscious leadership, how is that different from what we are all used to, right?

Jenna Stoliker:

Well, I guess, let me say it may depend on what you all used to, right? Well, I guess, let me say it may depend on what you're used to.

Jenna Stoliker:

You know, I am aware that over, I would say recent years, recent years could be last 10 years and from my vantage point as I'm looking at it, but I think early on, years and years ago, being a leader meant really showing some strength, being incredibly decisive, just forging forward.

Jenna Stoliker:

Oftentimes I refer to this as like it's the go-do push, like we're going to charge through. What I see is conscious leadership is actually embracing more of a pause, reflect and choose. Now I realize that that seems a bit of a slower go right. I think our world is not slowing down. In fact, it feels like things are speeding up. Why on earth would somebody choose a pause, reflect and choose you know approach? I think it's because things are moving so quickly if we can very easily fall into a reactionary state. I think being a conscious leader is being very aware of what actions you are taking and you're doing so in a very intentional way. Sometimes it does appear at the surface level to be a slower approach, and yet it isn't because I would argue that you go slow to go fast right, but it's a more thorough approach.

Jenna Stoliker:

Thorough approach, right, and and you're taking you are actually assimilating probably more information than if you were to move very quickly. So that's where I see conscious leadership um really serving us well.

Carol Clegg:

Right, and this, to me, you know, just ties in. One of the parts that we wanted to look at was building trust within your teams and as a conscious leader. If you are slowing down, I can see this as an opportunity for the teams to contribute, to participate in, to feel that they're being heard and listened to, to participate in, to feel that they're being heard and listened to, which then we move into wow, the importance of building trust I'd love you to talk about.

Carol Clegg:

You know, why is this important? Why, you know? I guess sometimes leaders might say, oh well, shouldn't people just listen to me? I am the leader, I'm telling them what to do and where to go and I know what's best for this company.

Jenna Stoliker:

Let's explore building trust in teams oh, my goodness, carol, how much time do we have. So this is the passion of mine. So building trust, I think it's foundational for everything, right? It's your relationships inside and outside of work. It's how we get things done is through people.

Jenna Stoliker:

So if we look at it through the lens of as a leader, well, no matter what industry you are in, I like to always pose this question of what is your product? What is your product? What are you actually out there doing in this world? And the truth of the matter is, your product is your people, right, right? I mean, no matter what it is that you make, deliver, whatever service you're providing, you're either doing it, you know, if you're a solopreneur, you're working with people, you're doing something and people are involved. Your main product is people.

Jenna Stoliker:

How do we relate to one another is so critically important. Relate to one another is so critically important. If we don't have trust in the people that we're communicating with, that we're having a relationship with, we don't go far. As I say that we don't go very far, I have witnessed teams and organizations appear to deliver phenomenal results and yet when we peel back some of like what's happening underneath, like what are the machinations that are allowing this group to achieve those results. Sometimes and probably oftentimes, I would say is I see a lot of blood, sweat and tears. You can still deliver on your results without having great relationships, but it is not joyful and it saps your energy.

Carol Clegg:

Right and to me that's turnover, that comes, it is, it is right. It's the cost of not having the trust, the turnover, the cost to the company, right, and who's representing the cost to the company? And and who's representing just as you said. I mean, everything is about people and they are representing the company and if you've got trust, what a beautiful journey and what a beautiful representation for your company it right, it is right and that's.

Jenna Stoliker:

I think that's when people say what's their secret sauce, and I've been trying to figure that out for many years, and probably why I do the work that I do is trying to figure out what is it that makes humans tick, what is it that makes teams tick Right, like, what's that secret sauce? And it continually boils down to trust, right, and the behaviors that build trust right. So in the research that my group has been doing for nearly four decades and this is just incredible that it's so consistent across that time span that we have four behaviors that build trust, and that is acceptance, being open, a level of openness being congruent. So what I say is what I mean I'm going to do what I said I was going to do Right Now.

Jenna Stoliker:

In many organizations, I think and probably I'll speak to the Western cultures especially we're judged by how well we perform, based on how reliable we are, and that's not a bad thing, that's a truth. However, there's other truths as well, right. So it's like well, what does it take to be reliable? Congruency, right, if I know that somebody is going to do what they say.

Carol Clegg:

Absolutely.

Jenna Stoliker:

Congruent. Okay, so what now you? I always say ask the next question. No-transcript. That's openness. So how open am I, how receptive am I to hearing other people's ideas and how open am I with sharing information? It's giving and receiving feedback freely leads to being congruent, which leads to being reliable.

Carol Clegg:

It's just so. I mean, as you're explaining this, just the lack of judgment that then comes into that situation, which then, to me, has to reduce the stress and anxiety.

Jenna Stoliker:

Oh, absolutely Right. And so you're touching on now, like what is the primary? Like where do you start building trust? And that is through acceptance, right. Who you are is okay with me. When you have, when you exude and model that sort of accepting behavior, it leads to openness, right?

Jenna Stoliker:

because if you're coming in with like loads of judgment, even if you don't say, if you were really hard to not use judgment words in your conversations, but you're still holding judgment your body language is still going to show that so we're going to pick up on that and even though you might be sharing information right, you're thinking I'm being open, I'm giving feedback, but that judgment does not allow for that openness for other people to feel like you're open to receive right, you can give but right and you receive. That's where trust breaks down.

Carol Clegg:

Trust breaks down they don't want to be able to open up. And then, in turn, I hear what you're saying about the reliability, because even ourselves, as consumers, that's what we want, that's what we expect is reliability, but there's so much magic that can take place on the levels underneath that to provide that. And then I guess that moves us into a company culture of wanting that for the people that are part of your team, and team then again becomes the word that it's not just me on my own, that we are in this together, me on my own, that we are in this together and even as a leader, that that, if you have the support of the people underneath you what a beautiful picture of leadership that you're joining hands together and moving forward together, with reliability and openness and honesty, so that well, and doesn't that then just feed right into people feeling valued, people being seen and heard, and when we're seen and heard, we have a sense of belonging right right and and when we felt we belong.

Jenna Stoliker:

We feel like we have meaning. There's meaning and purpose to why I'm here on this planet doing the work that I'm doing. I think we're all striving for that, yeah.

Carol Clegg:

I'd love to just explore the role of emotional intelligence and, in fact, the effect of leadership, because this ties into the positive intelligence methods that I use, which are just a portion and sort of simplify. But yeah, let's explore what is the role of emotional intelligence in leadership.

Jenna Stoliker:

Let me boil it, because, yeah, there's when you, you look up if you were just to look up emotional intelligence, right, there's so many different categories, yes, so much of it.

Jenna Stoliker:

So let me see if I can just I'm for our conversation. Let's just distill it to a few items and I think from my perspective, I would boil it down to warmth, understanding and encouragement. Right, I mean, there's probably much, much more to that, but what we've again, I'm going to point back to the research we've been doing for many years and that is to build trust right, to demonstrate acceptance, openness, congruence and reliability also requires you to, as a leader or really for anybody, but as a leader to have a level of warmth, you know it helps the aids and that openness and the acceptance to be understanding of again who you are is okay with me. I want to be able to understand where you are coming from. I want you to be able to understand where I'm coming from and I also want to be, like, really constructive. I want to encourage you to continue sharing. I want to encourage you to use your strengths, right so let's look at all of those three components together.

Carol Clegg:

That's actually what creates um a level of agility for leaders to move through um challenging situations or challenging team dynamics right which come into play, because everybody is human, which you're entitled to be, and we don't all think the same, and it's just as you're sharing that sort of what have, I think, in the positive intelligence program and the, the sage powers, and one of them is empathy, and empathy, you know, includes compassion and it also includes self-love, and then, yeah, you stretch that into well, it sometimes can be easy to have empathy for others, but even leaders need to have compassion for themselves and to be gentle on themselves and to give themselves permission that they are not. None of us are always perfect and we're always learning.

Jenna Stoliker:

Oh, absolutely Right are always perfect and we're always learning. Oh, absolutely right. I mean, if we were to say, um, to have a strong team requires that the leader and I will use the l word love, that the leader provides love. It's really hard to provide love and offer love to other people if you don't love yourself. Yes, yeah, you don't take care of yourself.

Carol Clegg:

Absolutely care of your team yeah, no, I think that, uh, do you have any things that you advise when you are working with leaders, because sometimes it's such a foreign territory, such a foreign space they don't want to go there. Um, with you know self-care. Do you, do you have tools or recommendations that you say, well, let's just start in this, baby steps in this area, if it's foreign to them?

Jenna Stoliker:

Yeah, right, it is, because sometimes it is really foreign to people or they feel like they put such an emphasis on others yes, that they really are they take the back seat and they keep thinking no, no, no, I will get to myself later, um, actually.

Jenna Stoliker:

So one of the the exercises I'll use with people is to say well, let's examine your story and look at the, the thoughts, beliefs or the energy. I mean, you know, I might use those words interchangeably, depending on what resonates, you know, with somebody, um, but it's the idea. We want to go below the surface. So when there's a challenging situation and it may appear, you know, I might be seeing the golden thread as, oh, there may be somewhere a lack of love, right, a lack of acceptance that is occurring. And if I, if I noticing it, it seems like there's a lack of acceptance that's happening, maybe at the team level, chances are. It's worthwhile to explore the possibility that there is a lack of self-acceptance, that and when we get to that place, we say well, let's examine the story that you're holding about this other person or the situation.

Carol Clegg:

Right.

Jenna Stoliker:

What's happening, what are you noticing in your body, what are your thoughts that are coming up and what's possible with what you're holding, basically saying, in other words, what's not happening when you hold this particular belief or when you're feeling this sort of energy? Right, and is that what you're capable of? Yeah, more often than not, you know people are going to go. Well, no, I mean, this is why I'm frustrated. I know there's something more. Okay, well, let's run through this again. Let's look at the situation again and look at what else might be happening. Right? So if you would hold for a moment the possibility that there's another, that there's something else going on, what might that be? We start brainstorming. You know other possibilities about how other people are proceeding things, or maybe there's another way that that leader could be looking at. Right, yeah, pause and get. Okay, let's tune into your energy. What are your thoughts?

Carol Clegg:

And the energy, because you know that energy can trigger somebody else, and so if we're not aware of how we are triggering somebody else in our team, and then you know we're not getting the result that we want, but to spend some of that time exploring, exploring what the storylines are. I love one of the things. I just challenged somebody in one of my groups the other day where she made the statement and it was so negative and I thought, well, is there another way? Write it down, but then can you turn it around and add something positive, to think about it from a different angle. It's not denying because, yes, we are. You know, we're entitled.

Carol Clegg:

Negative feelings, stress feelings, anxiety, etc. They're there to teach us something, they're there for us to learn from. But we don't want to stay in that space and I think that you know, just trying to give our brain an opportunity to switch sometimes from this very analytical left-hand side to the empathetic, you know, opposite side of our brain and just, can we look at this from a with a different lens? Can we come at this with a different angle?

Jenna Stoliker:

Absolutely Right, and isn't you know we go. I'm thinking back to, like, your question previously, like you know. So where does emotional intelligence fit in and where is all of this, you know, in that? And that, to me, is what emotional intelligence is is paying attention to the emotions. It's just energy in motion, right, that's an emotion and it's fantastic data to have. But then we can figure out well, what do we want to do this? How do we harness this energy? That's what we're talking about, I think, when we speak to emotional intelligence.

Jenna Stoliker:

Right right and I would say, from what I know about the work that you do, it's how do you shift from the saboteur kinds of thinking into that sage Right.

Carol Clegg:

And then, along with that, as you're sharing, is that sensation, that feeling in our body, because often we're being so analytical and our brain is turning around like crazy and we ignore the feelings, our own intuition, our own gut feeling, and just sometimes settling in and being present with your own body and letting the thoughts just you know.

Carol Clegg:

Can you just hold on a moment? Let me just feel this and just process this. Jenna, there's so much encouragement in this. I just think this has been wonderful and I would just love to. I know we've got two things that we can share with our listeners, that you have, so I'd love for you to just tell me a little bit more about them, and one of them, which I love when I read this, it's a free guide for leaders to tap into seven daily habits beyond getting up at 5am and drinking water, and I kind of think this is what we've been talking about is how do you take care of yourself, how do you tap into this awareness that you need self-love and self-compassion? And so tell me a little bit more about that guide, and then we'll share the other one okay.

Jenna Stoliker:

So that guy came from all the work I've been doing with leaders over the years and I noticed the commonality, right, I said I kind of pay attention to, like, what are the common threads and I kind I kept seeing the same things pop up time and time again, regardless of where that leader was in their um career, right, new leaders, even, you know really um, senior leaders and different industries as well.

Jenna Stoliker:

Right, so it really spans a multitude of when we talk about leadership and that is if there's like an inner and outer component. Right, so we're talking about practicing gratitude, engaging in active listening, just the reflective practice of reflecting on your day, right At the end of the day, what went well, what would you like to do differently if you could do it over again, and maybe even extending that to, if it's not daily, at least weekly. Right, do a bit of a download that definitely, prioritizing self-care, cultivating a learning mindset I mean, you know we've touched on that in our conversation it's about being in a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset is very, you know, takes a conscious leader to do that. Um, express your own authentic way of of interacting people. And then, um, how do you foster collaborations, like, how do you work with other people so that you're collaborating and co-creating and empowering others to let their gifts and their strengths shine through? Those are some of the seven habits that I touch on in the free guide.

Carol Clegg:

Wonderful, so I'm going to make sure to have that link in the show notes, along with, obviously, your website, so that people can connect with you. Then you mentioned another one to me about a self-coaching exercise that you could explore.

Jenna Stoliker:

So then, a quick reference, just in my mind, I call it just rewrite your story, right, and I think we were exploring that too and the conversation as well. As when you're feeling stuck or frustrated, right, when those emotions well up and you're not quite sure what does this data mean? This tool is a way to you can work yourself through it through those emotions.

Jenna Stoliker:

Okay, right, basically say okay, okay, what's my situation, what's the story I'm telling me, what's myself about this and what's the meaning of that? So, like if I say the story is, oh my gosh, that that person just doesn't see me or value me. Well, what does that really mean? What's one of my thoughts about not being seen or not being valued, right? So there's a few little questions in that self-guide to kind of get you to dig down a little deeper and see things a little bit more clearly. Then tuning into you know, so what if I'm holding those thoughts, those feelings or beliefs about that story that I've told myself? What am I noticing is happening with my energy? You know what's not possible because of the story, this block the in it right, that's wonderful.

Jenna Stoliker:

And then you go through it again a second time, but with more of the what ifs. Are there other stories? I can tell myself about the situation and what do I know.

Carol Clegg:

Those are wonderful gifts to be sharing with my listeners. I'll make sure that I've got both of them linked in the show notes, and then, if people want to connect with you on social media, linkedin is the best place.

Jenna Stoliker:

It's probably where I hang out the most Okay. So I'd say LinkedIn, connect with me there, follow me there. I try and show up as regularly as possible. Wonderful. But, self-care is important, so there might be times when I'm not Absolutely Because I need to do a little, putting the boundaries up.

Carol Clegg:

And we have to give ourselves permission for that. We can't be on and switched on and go, go, go all the time. We give out and people give in, and we've got to give ourselves space as well. Give ourselves permission.

Jenna Stoliker:

Absolutely Right.

Carol Clegg:

We've got to walk the talk right, absolutely, oh, jenna. Well, this has been wonderful. Thank you for sharing, and you know, even for those that I'm thinking of leadership and in corporate leadership comes into play in so many areas, even as an entrepreneur, even as a solopreneur, and even in your home and your relationships, that there's qualities of that. This can contribute to qualities episode. Once again, I say thank you and if our conversation has sparked some inspiration or you can think of somebody who should be listening to this episode, I'd love to ask you to share. And then do pop into the show notes and take Jenna up on her two wonderful offers and see what a difference that might make to you and in your leadership role. So until the next time, take care.

Carol Clegg:

If you are looking for tools to build powerful habits around a lifelong positive mindset, then I'd love to explore what results you are looking for in your life and your business. Every coach needs a coach. I'm sure you've heard that before. As a mindset and accountability coach, I work with women coaches in midlife to find balance in their business endeavors and prepare their foundation for a positive mindset by blending my personalized accountability and mindset coaching along with the powerful positive intelligence program, you'll learn about saboteurs and sage powers and gain lifelong tools to create a shift in all areas of your life, from personal to professional, and reduce the negative self-talk and discover more self-love. Curious to know what your own saboteurs are, I invite you to take the free assessment provided by Positive Intelligence that you'll find on my website, carolclaguecom, and then book a call with me and let's explore the results, because I am here to support you on your journey. You can connect with me on LinkedIn just search for Carol C or pop by my website, carolclaguecom.

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Carol Clegg

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Carol Clegg

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