Connect Inspire Create
Welcome to Connect Inspire Create: The Mindset & Business Coaching Podcast. I'm Carol Clegg, your host and Progress and Accountability coach for women business owners.
Listen to conversations that delve into taking action, business and life coaching,
creativity, and different ways to foster a positive mindset. Whether you're a woman
solopreneur navigating midlife, seeking to overcome procrastination, or
striving for balance in your business, you'll find an episode or two on this show that will be insightful and motivating. That's the plan!
Let's embark on a journey to connect, inspire, and create a
space where our connections inspire us —welcome to Connect Inspire Create!
Connect Inspire Create
Spaghetti on the Wall: Organizing Life's Messy Ideas with Kristan Swan
Have you ever noticed how certain words lose their meaning when we hear them too often? Kristan Swan calls these "wallpaper words" – terms like success, gratitude, and grace that become background noise rather than powerful concepts that guide our lives.
In our conversation, Kristan reveals how reclaiming these definitions for ourselves is the first step toward authentic living and sustainable business practices.
Kristan Swan shares her journey from landscape design to business coaching, revealing how childhood transitions shaped her ability to navigate different environments and recognize the "rules of engagement" in new situations.
• Reflecting on "wallpaper words" like success and grace that have lost meaning through overuse
• Exploring the importance of defining success for yourself rather than adopting cultural definitions tied to financial achievement
• Discovering your "spiritual autobiography" through reflective writing prompts that examine life turning points
• Using journaling as a tool for discernment without judgment to recognize patterns in decision-making
• Learning to say "may I get back to you on that" to create space between requests and responses
• Building self-knowledge leads to self-trust, which creates confidence and joy
• Understanding your decision-making style helps you operate with integrity and "do less harm
Where to find Kristan
Website: https://kristanswan.com/
Substack - https://substack.com/@kristanswan
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristanbrowne/
Hello from your host, Carol Clegg – your mindset and accountability coach for women coaches, entrepreneurs and small teams!
As a coach or heart led entrepreneur, you know all the right tools and strategies to support your clients—but when it comes to applying them to yourself, it’s easy to get stuck. You might find it hard to prioritize self-care, stay motivated, or maintain a positive mindset, especially when juggling the demands of your business. That’s where I come in.
I love helping women reconnect with their own practices. Together, we’ll explore what’s getting in the way, reignite your motivation, and put the right tools in place to support your well-being.
If you're ready to start prioritizing your own mindset and motivation, take my complimentary “Insights into You” (aka Saboteur discovery assessment” and follow up with a free coaching session to explore your results. Take your assessment here, or visit carolclegg.com for more details.
BOOK your ✅ 30-minute complimentary exploration call HERE
Let’s connect on LinkedIn and Instagram, or join my LinkedIn Group Flourish: A Community for Women Business Owners
...you know you journal your day, journal it as a, as a witness to your day or as an observer, a nonjudgmental observer right, and then allow yourself to pull out those pieces of the day that were kind of magical and joyful right, or or where you found yourself in like a flow state right, where you were just kind of like time just disappeared.
Speaker 1:And then we're also going to. I actually have a bigger, you know there's more. I give more space to where let's, let's dig into those places of your day where it just it wasn't landing for you.
Speaker 2:Well, welcome back to another episode of Connect, inspire, create, the podcast. That is all about empowering midlife women entrepreneurs to take bold action, spark fresh inspiration and lead their businesses with heart. I am so glad that you're tuning in and joining us, and I am delighted to welcome my guest tuning in and joining us, and I am delighted to welcome my guest, kristen Swan. Hi, kristen.
Speaker 1:Hi Carol, thank you so much for having me this afternoon and I just I love the idea of leading with our heart, right.
Speaker 2:Yep, yeah, there's so much that our heart does for us and we don't actually even realize that and take recognition of how important it is. So I love that. That resonates with you line that you shared on Podmatch and I have to tell my listeners Podmatch I have found I think I've been with him for over three years now. I just love the way he does business, alex, and just everything that he offers. It really has been a gem and 90% of my guests that's where we connect. So a little shout out for Podmatch.
Speaker 2:But Kristen Swan is an expert I want to tell you a little bit more in leadership, training, group moderation, writing, design, interviewing and research. And after a successful career in landscape design, kristen turned her focus to business coaching, specifically supporting professional service business owners, who often face burnout and the common challenge known as founder's syndrome. Kristen created the four S's of success structure, systems, strategy and space a powerful framework helping entrepreneurs stay in their zone of genius while building profitable, sustainable businesses. Kristen has also authored the insightful journal that I took a peek at Spaghetti on the Wall, which I just love the title a practical tool filled with prompts designed to help us shift or sift, I should say through our ideas, recognize patterns and better understand our own unique decision-making process. So, listeners, join me now as we explore, together with Kristen, her inspiring personal journey and find out more about her coaching style and how she can support you in business. So welcome, welcome, kristen, and let's dive into the beginning. Oh, gosh.
Speaker 1:yes, when to begin when? Do you want me to start, Carol.
Speaker 2:I just I love the fact that you shared you know, your introduction. I just said just grab my attention because it was different and it gave me this beautiful insight into you and you shared within there. Your early childhood had many transitions and I can relate to that. Don't quite think I topped five schools. I might have but five schools and eight different homes by the age of 12. I'd love to hear a little bit more about that and how that just shaped your perspective on life.
Speaker 1:I don't know that I realized how much I had moved or how many different schools I had gone to until, you know, probably I was in my eight twenties and took some time to reflect on on all of this, and my parents, they met, uh, they both were transplants, uh, from the East coast in the United States and met on the West coast and they, I think they met at a time when they were probably both very lonely and I was the product of that relationship and there wasn't a lot of foundation, I think, to their marriage.
Speaker 1:And so when I was four, my parents divorced and I lived primarily with my mom and my dad was nearby, and so part of the reason why we moved a lot was as a result of the divorce and my mom having a sense of there was a little bit of a search for a geographic fix right, that somehow a move is going to give you that fresh start and you're going to be a different person. And I think anyone who has you know we may have all done this at some point in our time.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, yes, I can relate to that very much so, yes, and sometimes we do it in little ways right, we're not even maybe. We change jobs, we change relationships. There's this beautiful thing about change where there's this newness right, and we feel this hope that this is an opportunity to, I don't know, in some ways, get it right this time, it right this time. And so, as a result, there was a lot of moving of where I lived and that, in turn, impacted my schooling until I did finally start a middle school and I was able to continue middle school and then through high school and graduate, which was a true gift to me, to have that stability.
Speaker 1:And being forever the new kid at school it was. I didn't like it. It was exhausting.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'm not, I'm not a super extrovert, so I it was. It was particularly exhausting, and so the gift of all of these things, right, is that I have, I think, this ability to recognize how each situation is, has kind of its own set of rules, or, or even a lot of times when I am speaking to people who are starting new jobs, even if they stay within the same industry, there's like an entire vocabulary, right that is specific to teams and, and especially, groups of people that have been together for a while right.
Speaker 1:And so I got very adept at picking up. You know what are the rules of engagement.
Speaker 2:I was just going to say what are the rules you've got to play by to be accepted or to come into this.
Speaker 1:Or just blend in, especially as a you know the kid that I was. It was like just I just don't want to stand out, I just don't want to do that thing, that where I feel like I have, you know, the spotlight on me, saying, oh gosh, this is clearly the new kid and I will never forget. Finances were pretty limited, so there wasn't like a grand thing about back to school shopping and getting new outfits and things like that. Actually, once I started going to a school with uniforms, I was so grateful because it was again kind of this way, this equalizer, where I could blend in, right. But I'll never forget this.
Speaker 1:One year we happened to go on a trip to British Columbia, to Vancouver, and I was able to pick out a new school outfit at this department store in Vancouver and I was so excited because it was just to be able to pick out a whole outfit, including shoes was really great, and I will never forget wearing that outfit the very first day at this new school and it was like, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. This was not. This was not what the kids at the school were wearing oh my and.
Speaker 2:But I know within that you also mentioned your grandmother, and I love goggy is that kind yeah, and that you call her a co-conspirator and I'm like oh, wow, yeah, there must have been some special moments with her there were so many.
Speaker 1:I am, given that both of my parents worked full time. It was, and my grandmother, goggy, worked full time for the majority of her life, late seventies, and my grandparents played a truly significant role in my upbringing and I had these. I had my grandparents on the East coast who, you know, beautiful, true partnership and and love Almost fairytale. Example, on the one hand, that I had Gagi, who moved to be close to us, who was had been married once, you know, couldn't divorce, couldn't really be bothered, had a few boyfriends here and there over the years, you know, smoked constantly and, you know, would just kind of definitely had a very she, she loved horror movies, she loved dirty jokes, she, you know she was and and so as a little kid and I'm an only child so've got all this attention of my grandmothers and we just were always figuring out ways to get into trouble.
Speaker 2:You must have been such a bright light and spark for them as well. So I know you talk about gratitude as being a significant part of your life and recognizing that second chances are given by a very kind universe. And it's interesting I normally, or quite frequently, I open up the show and I ask people to share who has been the kindest to them.
Speaker 1:And that kind of. When.
Speaker 2:I looked at this part of gratitude and sort of thinking. You know, perhaps you sharing with us a meaningful moment where gratitude moved into another level.
Speaker 1:It's interesting because I think about the kindness that people have shown to me over the years and very simple things from when I started. I was talking about the school that I ultimately was able to graduate from and spend some time the very, very first day that I got there. They had a morning assembly and you sat by class, by class, and also Alphabet Girl, to my right, she. After this assembly, I had my schedule in front of me and I had no idea where to go. You know all these buildings. They had names on them that people all knew.
Speaker 1:Everyone else is just running because they're excited to catch up with their friends that they've known forever, or they're excited to get to their class or whatever, and she takes a moment and sees me, takes a moment and sees me, and so I think that there's a couple of things in that idea of pausing right, that that, that moment of stillness that she had, and this idea of being seen and and not and being seen, and and essentially she.
Speaker 1:She said tell me where your first class is, let me show you where that is, and she walked me to my first class at the expense of her being late. The beauty of that is she didn't make me feel like I was stupid for not knowing where I needed to go or that I was somehow less than right. It just was this very pure instinct on her part and I was so grateful talk about I mean grateful on kind of both ends being able to run into her at one of our reunions and I think this was probably about 10 years out from graduation and say I don't even know if you remember this or if this even registered. May I just say, cause I don't think in the moment, I really I didn't thank you and thank you, and then we were able to chat and I was able to catch up on her life, which has been very different than I think she may have imagined her life would be, and mine was very different than I imagined and we just were able to have this moment together.
Speaker 1:So again, kind of that idea of that stillness and that ability to pause, but you know it comes to mind, as you're sharing this, as well as the heart.
Speaker 2:Yes, something stirred in her heart and very much connected with yours, and then you treasured it in your heart for so many years to be able to come back and to share with her. Did she remember? Did she remember the scenario I?
Speaker 1:mean she did. She was just a kind person, but it did, it wasn't. She didn't. I don't think she had any idea Of the impact that it made, of the impact that it made right.
Speaker 1:And so I think about, as I think about all of the layers of what we're discussing here. You know the heart, the kindness, the stillness, that gratitude, a couple of things I mean, I'm reminded of if we can kind of get out of ourselves right, get out of our busyness or get out of our. You know our thoughts, our head, yeah, our head Right.
Speaker 1:And you know, people talk about random acts of kindness and that has gotten kind of become a bit of a cliche. But if, if we can do just little things, we have no idea of this wonderful ripple effect. Right, that can happen Also when gratitude for me is so rooted in recognizing the smallest things. And sometimes I mean sometimes on a bad day gratitude is, you know, just being able to go outside and I have this one kind of very sorry looking plant, but I love it because, because the hummingbirds love it ah, they love it right, and so you know, right the gift of seeing them and seeing them is just like it's such a pleasure, especially if there's two of them and they're kind of darting around and playing with each other.
Speaker 2:It's funny because you're talking about sort of the words and things that we're using. You used a phrase and I pulled it out. They're called wallpaper words.
Speaker 1:Ah, yes, and how they can impact you know, the authenticity of our conversation of curious, intriguing wallpaper words for me to ignore and, being kind of a visual person, that always that, that, that visual of just that, that word being, you know written and written densely on this wallpaper, that it begins to lose its meaning essentially. And so I think, really, when I stepped into doing business coaching full time, you know you've got a word like success. Okay, so we can look up the academic definition of it. You know we can and we can have fun, you know, looking up the root of the word and all this kind of stuff, which I is very I love words that may or may not resonate with us, right, what we end up reading in a dictionary and we have these societal or cultural understandings of what that word is right.
Speaker 1:And I think that success, overwhelmingly in our current moment, is so tied towards money. Financial success is, especially as a business coach, and in that capacity it's like, yeah, you actually need to be thinking about and putting some time into what is your definition of success. Because, for a couple of reasons because if we are, if we're not paying attention to who we really are, then we're basically living someone else's life and we just need to remember we are. Well, we can be the choice to be the author of your own life is available to all of us.
Speaker 2:That's going to bring me, and I'd love to see how does this tie in to the two things I'd love to see, how does this tie in to the two things we have the spaghetti dinner, but prior to that, discovering your spiritual autobiography as a tool for mapping hope. How does this tie in with the words?
Speaker 1:So again, one of the exercises in discovering your spiritual autobiography is we so number one. A lot of times when people hear the word spiritual they're immediately, they're thinking religious and or religion.
Speaker 1:It is just to be clear. The workshop that I do is non-denominational and I do not have a particular viewpoint that I am, that I'm proposing my, my, my main thing is curiosity, creativity. If I have a viewpoint, that's my viewpoint In Discovering your Spiritual Autobiography, it is an invitation through a whether you do. I have an eight-week version, I have a two-day retreat, I have all sorts of ways of doing this, but it is through a series of prompts and it's it is primarily, at this moment, about doing writing. It's through the written word, and of reflection, and reflection of your life in different moments, reflection of your relationships, of your relationships, your.
Speaker 1:It can also be. We have, you know, we have one exercise where we examine a time of a turning point in our life, when we found ourselves at a crossroads, so to speak. It could be, and for some people it could be construed as a crisis of faith. Right, that can come into play too. So we, we examine our lives through these different means, but the place that we start getting back to the words is, you know, week one or week two. I have this list of words and I always encourage other people to bring their own words, but we spirituality for starters, religion you know, unpacking them and expanding, as you said.
Speaker 2:Curious around these words.
Speaker 1:And so checking out what the academic definition is, kind of thinking about what the cultural or societal definition is, and then coming back to what do these words mean to us, any wallpaper word. It's worth doing this for it's whether it's success and and being willing to ask yourself what is a successful life look like for me? And and you have to, I'm not saying that whenever you do kind of reflect on what these definitions mean to you, you have to also understand that you're you're thinking about it in this moment, right? So as you get different bits of information and you get more experiences happen to you, things may shift, and so we also get to have. I think one thing is in this idea of leading with curiosity and creativity, and I don't mean creativity in the sense of purely artistic, I really mean it in terms of a mindset.
Speaker 2:I was going to say more of a thinking process, a thinking process, yeah, of a thinking process.
Speaker 1:A thinking process, yeah, and to be open, to be, to be thinking about things more as puzzles than problems. Right, and, and as we gather more information, I think it's really important for us to recognize and again this goes back to being the author of your own life you get to change your mind.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, you do not have to stay in that box. You're a human and you have permission.
Speaker 1:You get to change your mind of how you think about something. You get to change your mind about you know what you want to do or how you want to approach something. So we also have to just give ourselves and and you know, and that is in some ways, that is, I think, another wallpaper word grace. We talk a lot about giving grace or so-and-so needs grace, and it's, it's, in some ways it's kind of it can also be even a little bit, a little bit of a sarcastic recognition of someone maybe who's difficult to be around right, oh so and so requires grace and, and I think for me, having revisited and I wrote about this recently, I said, grace is a verb for me Doing work.
Speaker 1:grace is a verb for me doing well, and I need to be, I need to be living in this place where, you know, going back to kindness whether it's kindness to myself or others, right, patience, stillness, right. So all of those things are embodied in kind of that living into grace and then also recognizing word. You know the word that comes to me as you're explaining this all, all of those things are embodied in kind of that living into grace and then also recognizing A word that comes to me as you're explaining this all two words.
Speaker 2:One is freedom Give yourself the freedom. And then the other one that comes with that to me is explore. Oh yeah, just kind of I love that. Dancing around in my thoughts right now as you're sharing this. But yeah, that there's just so much. Now, does your journal tie in to your retreats and your courses that you're doing?
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely so. Spaghetti on the Wall is so. The subtitle is an elegant journal to organize the messy ideas of life. So the idea is that it is, you know, you really starting with this idea of developing a habit of discernment. And what does that mean? Right, a habit of discernment is really kind of a process of examination, and I think what's key to discernment is that there is the, the kind of embedded in that is non-judgment. I mean, especially if you think of I mean, I can, I can look back at journals that I've. I, you know diaries and journals and just you know, oh God, I'm such a horrible person. Was that me? Blah, blah, blah, blah. I, you know diaries and journals and just you know, oh God, I'm such a horrible person.
Speaker 2:Was that me Blah?
Speaker 1:blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean, just the whole thing is, you know, just so full of of these opinions about you know whether I was okay or not okay and all that. So spaghetti on the wall is saying you know, let's start by journaling. You know we can just take your day.
Speaker 1:You know you journal your day, journal it as a as a witness to your day or as a observer, a nonjudgmental observer, right, and then allow yourself to pull out those pieces of the day that were kind of magical and joyful, right, or or where you found yourself in like a flow state right, where you were just kind of like time, just yeah yeah, disappeared um, and then we're also going to. I actually have a bigger, you know there's more I. I give more space to where let's, let's dig into those places of your day where it just it wasn't landing for you you know, and you were.
Speaker 1:You either felt yourself getting kind of irritated or short tempered, maybe you felt yourself kind of withdrawing, maybe you just wanted to get the heck out of you know a conversation or a you know, whatever it is. So let's examine those things, because I think that there's so much information in kind of what isn't working for us and again, with this gentleness though not that, oh gosh, I'm supposed to be more patient or I'm supposed to be this or that right and because I mean the way that I feel like it really informs decision-making in particular is it's a way for us to kind of begin to observe patterns of behavior, to observe patterns of behavior and within that, you know, do you know? I remember talking to a colleague and she made me laugh so much. She said, oh yeah, she said my husband is a crock pot and I'm a microwave, and she was talking about their decision-making styles. And you know, and it's kind of lovely, they, they, they both know who they are and they have navigated how to to weave that together to build a life, you know.
Speaker 1:So, again, just just to point out that I think that awareness is such a gift because I'm not really in the business of changing people. I mean people can choose to change, they can choose. Yes, yes, but I am in the business of changing people. I mean people can choose to change, they can choose correct, yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, but I am in the business of hopefully assisting people in. You know, again, that word of curiosity, getting curious, which usually then leads to some awareness. And so Spaghetti on the Wall really is about kind of gaining some insight into yourself, of how you want your operating system in some ways right. And again, what are those things that really light you up and where do you kind of feel dimmed? And, and a lot of times, the way that we you know, I think, our decision making, one pattern that I know has come through for myself are those decisions that I've made because I want to make, I want to please someone, right, right, those usually don't work out that well for me, so I so then I have to get curious, and it helps me when I'm journaling and Mm-hmm, and in the moment, you know when I am kind of rushed or when I am, when I am a little bit, maybe I'm a little tired.
Speaker 2:Yes, A little cranky, haven't eaten.
Speaker 1:So you know, one thing that just kind of came out of being able to do this, this type of work is, and it's simple. I mean it's super simple, simple. Not easy, right, because in the moment you've got to remind yourself but it's like, oh gosh, I get to say, may I get back to you on that Give yourself that space, the pause.
Speaker 2:It doesn't have to be instant, it does not have to be instant.
Speaker 1:And so you know, let me thank you so much. Let me get back to you on that.
Speaker 2:And the beauty of that is that then at least that person realizes that you're not a walkover and it's not a definite yes, so they can start thinking about alternative solutions on their own without necessarily even being offended. And then that whole space gives somebody both people time to process.
Speaker 1:Well, I really do think, the more that my hope with Spaghetti on the Wall or whatever your process is but the more that we can get to know ourselves, then I think we can begin to trust ourselves, then I think we can begin to trust ourselves and then we really, when we are doing both knowing ourselves, trusting ourselves, and then living more in integrity with who we are and what we know about ourselves, we can do less harm.
Speaker 2:Right. The other thing that comes to me with that is a certain level of confidence in yourself, because you're now trusting yourself and you're trusting your decisions and you're living with your decisions and you're accepting your decisions. They don't have to be perfect, they don't have to be right, but if they're right for you and this comes back when you were talking about other things is it for somebody else or is it for you? But an element of confidence which to me, also brings happiness and joy.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh. And, as you said, I mean you're doing. I mean, when I think about kind of this idea of doing less harm, I mean you do less harm to yourself, right, Because you're not kind of getting in these situations that are not really in alignment with who you are or are kind of draining your energy or taking you away from where your zone of genius really is right. And you also I mean, as you so beautifully stated, you know, making space for that person to to also step into the realm of possibility of who, who would be another person that they could ask to do. Whatever this thing is and how and I think I think most of us know how wonderful it is when kind of both parties I mean if you're doing some sort of collaboration or or asking someone to be a guest or something is when you're both coming to it with, fully engaged in that and you're also heart-centered in that.
Speaker 2:Oh, kristen, this has been wonderful. We've had so many little nuggets that we had no idea that we would go in that direction, and I just think there's going to be a lot of inspiration. I'd love to just let listeners know how they can connect with you, where they find you, so I'm sure you have a website I do, kristenswancom, and it's Kristen with an A right.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'll pop that in the show notes. Yes, and I am, and pretty much the website is the best place you can find me on LinkedIn and I also share some of my musings on Substack.
Speaker 2:Substack.
Speaker 1:I saw that and I have followed you on Substack, so make sure to put your Substack link in there as well and I'm presuming the journal they'll find on your website Journal is available for purchase on the website and also there's information about upcoming workshops and uh, and also I love when people have a group of colleagues and friends or or a combination of both and they can have me come out and I'll do the workshop for you. So all of that is available. Lots to offer.
Speaker 2:So, listeners, I encourage you to have the website in the show notes for you to pop over and just see what Kristen has to offer and just connect with her. Connect with her on LinkedIn. And so, kristen, thank you so much for being my guest this afternoon.
Speaker 1:Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2:This was just a treat, it was lovely, so I really appreciate you. And to my listeners I want to say thank you for listening, and if today's conversation has just sparked some inspiration, please share it with somebody who you know might enjoy this. And this week, I want to encourage you to embrace your own way of connecting, inspiring and creating, just like the name of my show Connect, inspire, create. Make your choices, bring ease and flow into your world. Until the next time, take care.
Speaker 2:If you are a woman coach in midlife seeking more balance, clarity and powerful mindset shifts for your life and your business, I'd love to support you. Through personalized accountability and using the positive intelligence coaching tools. You'll find ways to build lifelong habits, to quieten negative self-talk, deepen self-love and move towards your goals with greater confidence. Curious about the patterns that might be holding you back? Take the complimentary insight into you assessment that you'll find on my website, also known as the Saboteur Discovery Assessment. It is a powerful first step in understanding your mindset. Once you've taken it, let's connect and unpack your results together. Ready to begin? You'll find me on LinkedIn at Carol Clegg, or visit my website, carolcleggcom. That is C-A-R-O-L-C-L-E-G-Gcom, and I am here to help you thrive Until the next time.
