5 Steps to Anal She'll Actually Love (Most Couples Rush #1)

Anal is one of the most searched sex topics on the internet — and one of the least talked about in actual bedrooms. Everyone's curious. Almost nobody's saying it out loud.

This episode is for both of you: the woman who's curious and never said it, and the partner who wants to ask without making it weird. The conversation (including the ten seconds that decide everything), the safety rules nobody explains properly, why her body is genuinely wired to love this, and the five steps from curious to craving it — on her timeline, built around her pleasure.

What you'll learn: 
✔ How either of you brings it up — and how to handle a shamey response without shutting down 
✔ The safety rules that make or break it: lube, bases, one-direction, and what never to use 
✔ The two-muscle anatomy that makes patience the entire technique 
✔ The "wearing trick" most couples skip — and why it's the step that makes everything work

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Transcript

New Name Same Mission

SPEAKER_00 1:02

I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chat, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. Welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Let's talk about sex. Cheers. Today's talk sex with a net topic is five steps to anal, she's gonna love. Today we're talking about anal sex and booty play. And before anyone clinches up, this episode is for both of you. It's for the woman who's been curious for a while and has never once said it out loud. And it's for the partner who wants to bring it up but has no idea how to do that without making Tuesday dinner weird. Here's what I know after a decade of doing this work. And it's one of the least talked about in the actual bedroom. Everybody is curious and almost nobody is talking, which means most couples who finally try are winging it. They rush it, it hurts, and she files it under never again. And that door stays closed for the rest of the relationship. And that's a shame because when this is done right, when it's slow,

Why Most Attempts Go Wrong

SPEAKER_00 2:45

when it's prepared, when it's on her timeline, it can genuinely be some of the most intense pleasure of her life. I'm going to explain exactly why her body is wired for that, because nobody ever explains the why. And then I'm going to walk you through the five steps that take you from curious to craving it. But before we dive in, I have to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans, and there I'm sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos, demos, and audio guided self-pleasure meditations, and so much more. You can find me there doing that with my handle at TalkSexWithanet, and you can find me on Substack doing a whole lot of the same. And you can find me there with the same handle at TalkSex withinet. You can also scroll down to the notes section below, where you're going to find links to everywhere you want to find me there. I cannot wait to see you in all of the places. But for now, let's dive in. We're going to start with the conversation. So who brings it up and how? Nobody springs this in the moment. Nothing kills trust faster than a surprise attempt. And ladies, you know the exact move I'm talking about, the oops, wrong spot. That move sets the whole project back a year, minimum. Some of you are nodding right now. This conversation starts with clothes on outside of the bedroom, and it works from either side.

Where To Find Me Online

SPEAKER_00 4:05

If you're the partner who wants to try it, your line is simple. I've been curious about anal or booty play, no pressure ever, but is this something you'd want to explore? And then you close your mouth and you listen because her answer sets the pace. Not yet means not yet. Now, if you're the woman who's curious and has never said it, I want to talk directly to you for a second, because I know exactly what the fear is. The fear is that the moment you say it, your partner is going to look at you differently, that

How To Bring It Up

SPEAKER_00 4:36

they'll wonder where this came from or who you did it with before, or react with disgust that saying, I'm curious about anal or booty play out loud somehow rewrites who you are in their head. So here's your line. And notice it commits you to absolutely nothing. Can I tell you something I'm curious about? Curiosity is not a commitment. Being curious about your own body doesn't make you anything except for a person with a body. And partners, this next part is for you because the 10 seconds after she says it are the most important 10 seconds of this entire episode. If your reaction is shock or a joke, or worst of all, what kind of woman wants that? You haven't just shut down anal or booty play. You have just shut down anal, booty play, and many other forms of erotic exploration, possibly for good. You've taught her that sharing a fantasy with you gets her judged, and she will never hand you another one. So whatever your face wants to do, what comes out of your mouth is tell me more. And if you're the one who shared and you got the shamey response anyway, don't swallow it and don't retreat. Name it calmly. That reaction right there is the reason women don't tell their partners what they want. Because it is. A partner who hears that and then course corrects is worth continuing the conversation with. A partner who doubles down just told you something more important than anything in this episode. So choose how you move forward with them accordingly. Curiosity is not a commitment. Saying it out loud is step one. So now I'm going to go over the rules, and I want you to listen to this

Five Non Negotiable Safety Rules

SPEAKER_00 6:27

part of this episode twice. There are five rules to anal and booty play, and they're not optional. And they are the entire difference between the best new thing you've tried this year and the thing she never lets you attempt again. Rule number one is lube. And I don't mean some, I mean more than feels reasonable, and then more than that. This part of the body produces zero lubrication of its own. None, not a drop. And spit does not count no matter what the movies taught you. Skipping this rule is the single most common reason the first attempt hurts. Rule number two is nothing numbing ever. I know the little tubes at the shop promise to make it easy. And I need you to understand that they are dangerous. Pain back there is information. It's her body saying slow down or stop. And if you numb that signal away, you can cause real injury without either of you knowing until later. If it hurts, the answer is always slower and more lube. It is never feeling less. Rule number three is anything that goes inside needs a wide flared base, full stop. Any tool or butt plug is built with that flared base for one very specific reason. The muscles in there pull inward. And without a base to stop it, toys genuinely get pulled inside and lost. That's not an urban legend. Emergency rooms keep statistics on this. And I promise you, you do not want to become one. So rule four is everything moves in one direction only. Nothing that has been in the back goes anywhere near the front. Not fingers, not toys, not hem, not tongues. Without a proper wash first, the bacteria that lives happily back there, E. coli, chief among them, causes urinary tract infections and bacterial vaginosis when it gets where it doesn't belong. And nothing kills a couple's enthusiasm for a new adventure like a course of antibiotics. Wash or grab a fresh condom for the changeover every time. Rule five is green, yellow, red. The same system I gave you for every kind of intense play. Green means keep going, yellow means stay right here and don't escalate. And red means everything stops with no questions and no ego. The check-in is one word color, and the answer is one word back. Now for the five steps. Step one is outside only. The most nerve-rich part of anal and booty play isn't inside. Most couples blow right past it on night one. Here's the anatomy nobody leads with. The opening itself is packed with more nerve endings than most anywhere else in the body. That dense little ring is the reason the entire category of pleasure exists. And most couples skip it entirely because they think the goal is to get somewhere. When the truth is you're already standing on the goal. So the first session is external only, and I mean nothing goes in. Zero. Here's how it looks. You wait until she's already turned on and feeling good during sex, you both already love, because arousal is a thing that makes new sensation read as pleasure instead of weird. Then a fingertip, gentle pressure, and slow circles around the outside. What you're actually doing is teaching her body an association. Touch there, plus

Step One Outside Only

SPEAKER_00 9:59

arousal equals pleasure with zero pain and zero stakes attached. That association is the foundation the entire rest of this guide is built on. And couples who skip it are the couples who end up in the we tried it once category. And ladies, this step belongs to you too. Solo, your body, your pace, your bathtub, nobody's watching. If you show up to couples version already knowing what you like, you're not experimenting anymore. You're directing. Step two is start smaller than you think. The fact is there are two muscles guarding the entrance, and you only control one of them. That fact is the whole technique. When the outside only booty place session feels good and she's the one asking for more, and only then you go in and you go smaller than either of you is picturing. That means one finger or one small starter tool or butt plug. And I mean genuinely small because the beginner ones are the size of a fingertip for a very good reason. Now let me give you the anatomy lesson that makes patience the entire technique. There are two rings of muscle at the entrance. The outer one she controls, she can relax it on purpose, the way you relax your shoulders, and the inner one is involuntary. It doesn't take orders from anyone. It relaxes on its own schedule. And only when her body is relaxed and aroused, you cannot push through it without pain. But if you wait and use steady,

Step Two Smaller Than You Think

SPEAKER_00 11:33

gentle pressure and mountains of lube, it opens on its own and her body simply lets you in. And this is where I want to slow down and tell you why women who love this love it, because its taboo is not the answer. The wall between the vagina and the rectum is thin. They are next door neighbors. So fullness on one side presses through to the other, reaching deep spots from an angle regular penetration never comes at. And the pedendal nerve, the one that serves her clitoris, branches back there too. Same pleasure network, new entrance. Women who love this describe a fullness and a depth that doesn't compare to anything else. And some of the biggest full-body pleasure and orgasms of their entire life. As for the session itself, it starts the way everything in the sky starts with her already turned on because arousal is what makes new sensation feel good. Use lube like you're being graded on it. Apply slow and steady pressure and come to full stop at the first sign of resistance while she breathes and her body decides. And keep her clitoris in play the whole time, a hand or a toy out front while anything happens in the back, because that blend is what turns a new sensation into actual pleasure. And it's a rule that holds for every step after this one. Some sessions the inner muscle opens and some sessions it doesn't, and both outcomes are completely fine because this stage is about her body learning it safe rather than hitting milestones. She's in charge of every millimeter. She says deeper, she says hold still, and she says done. Step three is the wearing trick. There is one step almost every couple skips, and it is the exact step that makes the first real time actually work. Before the first experience, she wears a small tool or butt plug during regular sex, not as the main event, as the background. Here's why this is the secret step. She's having sex, she already loves. She's coming the way she already comes, with that new fullness coming quietly underneath the whole time. And her body does the math on its own. This sensation and orgasm belong together. You're not convincing her of anything. Her own nervous system is writing the association for you. It also quietly handles the practical part, nobody romanticizes, which is that the stretching happens gradually across relaxed sessions with no pressure writing on any single night. By the time you two go further, her body has already been there for weeks. And here's the bonus that surprises almost everyone. A lot of women discover their regular orgasms get noticeably

Step Three The Wearing Trick

SPEAKER_00 14:12

stronger during this stage. Remember, the shared walls, that added fullness intensifies everything happening next door. Honestly, some of you are going to reach the step and just live there for a while. And I want to be clear that this step is a complete destination all by itself. There is no deadline and there is no next level you owe anybody. Step four is the first time you have anal or full booty play, she drives everything, even though you're the one moving. Get this backward, and there is no second time. When you're both genuinely ready for the full thing, the setup decides how the night goes. The best positions for this event are her on top or spooning. Both of those hand her the angle, the depth, and the speed. And her having that control is the entire game on night one. Missionary and from behind put him in charge of depth. And those are for later, much later, after her body trusts the whole operation. This is the approach that makes it possible. More lube than seems reasonable. And then add more. He holds completely still at the entrance, and she is the one who moves back onto him at her pace, pausing whenever she needs to while that inner muscle does its thing. You do not push. Gentlemen, your entire

Step Four She Drives The First Time

SPEAKER_00 15:33

job description right now is furniture with excellent communication skills. The first minutes are about stillness. Once she's taken what she wants, nobody moves for a long time because her body is adjusting. And that adjustment window is exactly where, okay, this is different turns into, oh, this is good. Then you move slow, slower than that. And hear me out on this last part because it is the difference between an experiment and an orgasm. Her clitoris does not stop existing because you're somewhere new. Fingers are a toy out front while you are back there. The blend both at once is what produces the kind of orgasm she will come looking for again. Couples who skip the blend are the couples who never ask for round two. And finally, color check-ins at every escalation. Color, one word back. That's all it takes. Step five is make it hers. Couples who keep doing this have one thing in common, and it's got nothing to do with technique. Here's the truth about why most couples try anal and or booty play once and never touch it again. The whole thing was framed as his win. Something she gave and he got, a box that got checked, a story he was excited about. Her body kept the receipts on that, and her body votes no the next time. The couples where this becomes a regular requested part of the menu all flipped that framing. It's hers. Her orgasm is the point of the exercise. Her pace runs every single session. And every session ends with her wanting more rather than enduring until it's over. In practice, that looks like this. It's always paired with clitoral pleasure because the blend is the whole show. Sessions end on her peak, not his. And afterward, every time, not just the first, you check in like you would after any intense play. Water, warmth, actual closeness, and one real question. How is that for you?

Step Five Make It Hers

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Is there anything you want to do differently next time? That question isn't paperwork. It's how this gets better every single time you do it. And it's how she knows in her body that this whole thing is about her. Because the moment it's genuinely about her is the moment she starts being the one who brings it up. So there's the entire map from start to finish. Say the curiosity out loud, either of you. And partners, guard those 10 seconds after she does. Learn the rules, especially the loop one. Start outside only because you're already standing on the goal. Go in smaller than you think and let the inner muscles set the schedule. Use the wearing trick that everybody skips. Let her drive the first time and make the whole thing hers because the version of this that's about her pleasure is the version that gets asked for again and again. She's been curious. Now you both know exactly what to do about it. So go slow, buy the big bottle of lube and make it hers. And then let me know how it goes. And if you've liked this episode or any of my episodes and you feel like they've helped you on your own intimacy journey, go ahead and like and subscribe to my channel. And wherever you're listening, please take a moment to give me a review. It helps me get these tips and tricks out to more people. So more of us are having more orgasms. Till next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.