Why Powerful Men Pay a Dominatrix to Take Control (Most Men Will Never Admit This)

Mistress Marley — professional dominatrix, financial domination specialist, and founder of Haus of Dominance, where she's taught over 10,000 students — breaks down what men are actually paying for, what submission really means, and how to explore giving up control in your own bedroom.

In this episode:

• What a dominatrix actually does — and what a real session looks like
• Why the loudest "alpha males" online are her biggest clients
• The difference between submission and weakness
• How women can find their inner dominant (starting with yourself)
• How to bring power play into your bedroom — or find a professional the right way

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Transcript

New Name Same No Shame Vibe

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Do the sex.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chat, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. Welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Let's talk about sex. Cheers.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

Today's Talk Sex with a Net topic is what a dominatrix wants every man to know. Some of the most powerful men in the world pay good money to hand their power away, not because something is wrong with them, but because there's something underneath all that control they're carrying that needs somewhere to go. Today's guest has spent years sitting across from men in that exact moment. And she has things to tell them that most of them will never hear anywhere else. My guest is Mistress Marley, founder of House of Dominance, a financial domination and power dynamics education platform that has taught more than 10,000 students, and founder of the Chocolate Dom, a multi-platform business she built entirely on her own terms. Love that. She's been featured in the New York Times, Business Insider, Refinery29, and a Vice documentary, and was named Femme Dom Educator of the Year in 2024. Today she is talking directly to the men listening. Welcome, Mistress Marley. Before we dive in, I've got to remind you all that I'm over on OnlyFans, and there I'm sharing my sex and intimacy, how-tos, demos, and audio guided self-pleasure meditation. You can find me there and on Substack with my handle at TalkSex with the net. And you can find myself and Mistress Marley anywhere you want to by scrolling down to the notes section below. And I'm going to have all the links there. You're going to want to check them out after the show. Now, will you tell my listeners more about you?

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Hello, everybody. I'm Mistress Marley. I'm every man's dream and I'm every man's nightmare at the same time. I like to be very multifunctional in that sense. So as stated, I am a professional dominatrix. I specialize in financial domination and I

Meet Mistress Marley And The Mission

SPEAKER_01 3:39

also teach students kink. And my kink focus is really focusing in on women wanting to step into their dominance, wanting to take more control, whether it's in the bedroom or outside the bedroom, but just naturally learning how to step into that power because there's so many women out there that want to learn, but they just don't know where to start, or maybe they have some shame behind it. So I'm here to help them get rid of all that shame and just let them know that you could have a good time through dominating and through doing kink.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

The beautiful thing about this conversation is by the end of this conversation, whether you are a man who is wanting to bring being dominated into your own bedroom or you're wanting to seek out someone who will dominate you, you're going to have some tools to get started with that journey. But if you are one of my woman-identifying listeners, you're also going to have some tools to get started on your own path towards dominating men. This is going to be a lot of fun. I think that it's going to be eye-opening for everybody who's ever even been curious about what a dominatrix does and what it's like to not only be one, but to have one. Take care of you. So I'm ready to talk about dominating men. How about you? I am Susan. All right. Cheers. Let's talk about dominating men. I think the best place to start for anyone who may not really understand what a dominatrix is and does. Can you give them a very basic description to lay the foundation of this podcast?

SPEAKER_01 5:18

So a dominatrix is a term under the large umbrella of BDSM. So you have a dominatrix and you have a submissive. That's the basic thing that a lot of people, or the basic term that a lot of people see online. The Dominatrix is the leader of the scene. So the Dominatrix is calling the shots, they're leading the scene. When I say a scene, that could be anything from spanking, rope tying, all the different things that you might see about BDSM. The Dominatrix is the leader of that. So she is in more broader terms, she is so many different personalities, right? She could be Braddy, she could be nurturing, she could be very corporal, she could be sadistic. I consider myself sadistic, but there's so many different personality types. I think people go online and see one type, the leather and latex and the real, just bold, but there's so many different types of a dominatrix.

SPEAKER_03 6:04

And what do you want men who perhaps have been consuming

What A Dominatrix Actually Does

SPEAKER_03 6:10

the manosphere bro podcaster type information where they say that only beta men or weak men would want to be dominated by a woman? What do you tell those men? What's one thing you'd really like them to know?

SPEAKER_01 6:28

So the funny thing about those men is the ones that are always like manosphere and bro types, they're the ones that come to us, right? So they're they're very bold on social media, and I would never do that. And there's nothing but simps and my sub get called all types of names by these men in the comments, but they're the main ones in my DM messaging me. What I would have to say to them is just live on your truth. It is okay to submit to a woman fully. There are different ways to submit as well. A lot of men see submission online and they just see the humiliation piece of it and the degradation piece of it. But there's so many other ways that you could submit to a dominatrix. It does not always have to be degrading or humiliating. And I think that's what kind of gets their mind just stuck. Oh, how could he like, how could he kiss the floor in front of her and lick her feet and those things? But I mean, my message to you all be just living your truth because you know you want to be here, you know you love it here, just enjoy right.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

They're all in in the conversation with the manosphere saying, Yeah, yeah. And then they run and and find someone to dom them. It's it is actually absolutely true, which it blows my mind. So, what would you say to men out there who are afraid if they seek out domination, it means something about their manhood.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

I think with men like that, it's really just having to work through your shame personally. Ask yourself, why do I feel ashamed of this? What in my life is making me feel ashamed? And most of the time, it's not even what they feel inside of themselves, it's the feedback that they're afraid to get back if a friend finds out or if a family member finds out, or if a co-worker or anything of that matter finds out. I think to help them work through that shame is pretty much just, like I said before, live in that truth, find a dominatrix that can also help you work through that because a lot of people see us as DOMs. They think we just get booked, we beat the man up, and he goes home. Right. But there's a lot of different situations where sometimes DOMs are therapists. Now we're not a replacement for therapy, but we can be therapists. I've helped a lot of my clients work through shame. I've helped a lot of my clients work through maybe even traumas they might have, why they were afraid to submit. I've had a lot of them discover things about themselves that they never knew were there. There's some men that come in as the most simple sub, and now they're like in long-term role-play dynamics and they're in female-led relationships. So it's really just about having to put that trust in a dominatrix to take you to the right place. And a good dominatrix, an ethical dominatrix, will also help you work through those different things as well.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

So you just spoke to helping men discover something about themselves that they didn't know. Can you talk about that a little bit? What are some of the things that are commonly uncovered in these men that you might even kind of know with them coming in or things they don't know about themselves, but you're going to help them find out about themselves?

SPEAKER_01 9:28

So, for example, I've had men before that that have come in and they know they want to be submissive and try it out, but they don't know how to give up that control element. So, for instance, I had a client that wanted to try out rope and bondage. And rope and bondage requires a lot of trust because if you tie somebody wrong and can't get them out, it could become dangerous, it could become a whole thing. And the one client I had, his issue was that he had an abandonment fear from when he was younger, right? So he had a fear of being abandoned. He thought maybe I was going to tie him up and leave and just leave him there and never come back. So there was a lot of fear, there's a lot of anxiety in those places. But as I began to tie him and pretty much spoke him through the process, because a lot of the times when working with someone and trying to help them get through kink and understand kink and experience new things, you have to talk them through what's going on. So as I talked him through each tie, I'm laying the rope here and I'm doing the rope here, and this is how you'll be able to get out of this. He was able to pretty much relinquish that fear, pretty much put his trust into me. So a lot of it is trust. The biggest word I can say within just BDSM and kink, period, is trust.

SPEAKER_03 10:36

What does a typical session look like? I know that they're all different, but for someone who's what what does this even look like? Can you walk through what a very basic session with a dominatrix would look like for a man starting out?

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Okay. So my session is basically I do humiliation. So I just talked about humiliation and degradation, but I specialize in humiliation and clients that come to me know that. So a basic session for a dominatrix would be she would book a dungeon. So for instance, here in New York, there's tons of dungeons, some of them private, some of them are more out online. So she would book a dungeon, which would be the safe space, serve as a safe space. Usually the dungeon booking comes after the submissive that already had the conversation with her. So usually there's a form that's

Submission Is Not Weakness

SPEAKER_01 11:19

filled out online. We go through a vetting process. So that might include ID, references, video calls, things of that nature before we meet up. Then when they come to the session, each dominatrix has different rules for how the submissive is to show up. So for me, for instance, the submissive, when they show up, when I answer the door, I immediately want them on their knees with the envelope of cash handing it to me. And they can't look at me. I'm very stern on you cannot look at me until you're toad because my mindset is that I'm a goddess and goddesses are not to be stared at or gawked at until they want you to look at them. And then after that, they come inside. I usually have them dressed in all black. I can wear whatever, whatever colors, but I want them in all black. They have to be clean, shaven. They have to be body hygiene has to be good, all those different things. And then usually what I do is I explain to them the session again. So what we're going to do. So even though we've already talked about it over email or whatever, I like to say it again out loud and I like to set the tone of you don't know what's going to happen, right? So I can give you an overall description of this is a humiliation session and whatever, but you don't know what humiliation I'm coming with. And then from there, the session just naturally proceeds. Sometimes things are unpredictable. So I've had some missives that say if I did a spanking session with them, they say that they had a high pain tolerance, and then you find out they don't. So sometimes things are just different in that sense. And then after the session ends, we go into aftercare where you check in, you give snacks, drinks, like water, things of that nature. You see how they're feeling. And then you pin them on your way. And then within the next 24 hours, you kind of want to check in with them. But that's pretty much how a basic session goes. I'll say that's about for an hour session. There are some DOMs that session as long as 12 hours the whole day. Some do overnight sessions where they have the guy in a cage overnight. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:03

All right. What are some other services outside of spanking? Just so that my listeners can understand the array of offerings that a Dominatrix can provide.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Okay. So the common ones that you'll hear about, you'll hear about pegging. Pegging is very common. You'll hear about spanking. Foot worship is very, very common. We have something called tease and denial or edging, as most people will know what that is. There's also humiliation, like I stated. There's bondage and rope. Sometimes there's mummification where the subs want to be wrapped up and mummified. There's breath play, which deals with choking. So those are some basic ones that you will see. And then there's even crazier ones that people like, for instance, CBT, which is cock and ball torture and all that, all that fun stuff. But those are just some that you will see mostly online.

SPEAKER_03 14:46

Why do you find that powerful men in particular seek this out in their lives?

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Because they're so in control every day. And sometimes they just want to release that control. Like these men that are CEOs of companies or high-powered executives that are used to bossing people around all day and calling the shots, they'll come to a dominatrix and want to completely get rid of that personality. They completely shed that. They don't want to be in control. Sometimes, too, they like the thrill of not being in control. They like the thrill of being humiliated. For them, too, it's psychological. It could be like, imagine if my employees knew I was doing this on the floor right now. Imagine if my family members knew this was me, but yet in my everyday life, I'm this other person. So for a lot of them, it's psychological.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

And what do you want men to know about the difference between submission and weakness?

SPEAKER_01 15:42

I think to me, weakness is when it becomes non-consensual, right? So to me, weakness is when you aren't speaking up for yourself in a dynamic. So say if there's a Dom that's completely doing something not ethical, completely going against your boundaries, and you're not speaking up for yourself, I see that as a weakness because we all need to advocate for ourselves, especially in King. To me, submission, it comes with a set standard. That's a connection between you and the Dominatrix. It's not something to be taken lightly, right? So like any man can come up to me on the street and be like, I want to be your sub. And I'll be like, okay, that does nothing for me. But a man that truly shows his devotion within servitude, and it's a two-way street. Like the respect is a two-way street. Now don't get me wrong, like during sessions and scenes, we're who we are in session and scene. But there's also some missions that I had that were long-term servers, right? So they ran errands for me. They were there for me to help me with events. They were there to invest in certain businesses I had. There was a certain dynamic that was there that was beyond just me humiliating you and degrading you. There was a certain level of respect. So I think the difference between submission and weakness is how you advocate for yourself within those roles and how you truly respect the dynamic and help build the dynamic as well.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

Well, in so some men are going to look for someone to hire a Dom like you. And some men are going to look for that in their bedroom with their part. What is the difference between the man who will seek

Trust Trauma And Letting Go

SPEAKER_03 17:08

to bring that into their own partnership at home and the man that really needs that to stay outside of the home and with a professional like you?

SPEAKER_01 17:19

I think the difference is that it all comes down to, especially men that want to bring it into their own personal life, it comes down to their partner. Because I've seen situations where the man has tried to push being a submissive onto his partner, or maybe he wants to be submissive for them. And the woman or whoever it is might not be truly dominant. Not every woman is dominant. You have some women that love to be submissive. That's just how they feel. That's what they love. That's where their boundaries lie. Versus the men that come to us and hire us professionally, we already know the protocol. We already know how to pretty much get you in that submissive space, versus with a partner that has no idea that it's harder, especially if the man is coming at them with no prior education themselves, right? Sometimes naturally the woman might fall into it. It might just happen naturally. But I've seen men before that wanted dominant girlfriends and it didn't work out, and they became frustrated. Because the way they saw dominance was not how their girlfriend was seeing dominance. Versus with a professional Dom, we specialize in certain things. So we know how to get straight for that dominance. So I feel like the difference really just comes down to who the partner is.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

What is the most surprising thing a man has ever begged you for?

SPEAKER_01 18:30

I've had men ask me to castrate them. And I'm just like, this legally cannot happen. And then it becomes a thing where it's okay, do they just want to role play? But no, these men really wanted to be castrated. And those are just men where I just have to end the conversation and just take a deep breath and move on. But that's the craziest thing I've gotten.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

Have they asked that in person, or was this in a pre-call? So you could be like, I'm not the person. Hopefully, nobody is the person for them.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

But they've they've asked that through email. So I've never gotten that request in person, but they have they have asked that through email. And it's happened more than once. Oh, more than once. I want to say I get that email maybe at least three times a year. And not only myself, like my students, because we have a chat where we just share our experiences and they get those emails as well. And we're always just, and sometimes it's the same guy, like just going around with a different dom. And I'm like, he is trying to get that fixed for real.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

That hurts. You know, doing a cagle hard. I want to shift the conversation a little bit because you have students, you have women that you are working with. So this is where I want to talk about that a little bit for our the listeners for of all genders. When you have women coming to you, first of all, is it usually their own desire to be dominant in the bedroom, or do they come to you oftentimes because that's a request from their partner?

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Usually it's their own desire. It's either their own desire, a request from a partner, or they get submissive in their inbox, like randomly, and they're just like, oh, I can see myself doing this. But most of the time they come to me just from their own desire. I do have I do have students as well that have partners that have suggested things to them and I give that advice, but they just wake up one day and they're like, I want to do this.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

And where do you start? Someone who has never bossed someone around in the bedroom, which I can't possibly imagine. But do you know that that does happen? Where do where what is the baseline for teaching a woman to cultivate, if not find, her inner dom?

SPEAKER_01 20:42

I mean, the start is really within yourself. I always tell people, I can help you build your confidence, but I can't completely make you confident. So the first step I always tell with women that want to become dominatrix or just dominant in their bedroom is just who are you? Right? What brings you pleasure for yourself? So for instance, a suggestion I usually give is I'm into praise king, right? So I like to be praised. And I like to do that praise king even within myself. So there's times where I'm just masturbating and I'll tell myself how beautiful I am while I'm masturbating. I say those affirmations to myself. So sometimes I'll tell them to just start there and they find power in just doing that. Because a lot of them have a little bit of comfort level issues with just speaking to themselves, like speaking power to themselves. So I'd say, how can you speak power in the bedroom if you can't speak it into yourself first? So I always tell them, start with yourself. Dom yourself. Completely dom yourself. It's okay. So that's usually just tell how I tell them where to start with yourself. Before trying to jump into how to use this tool and how to speak to the man and all that stuff, speak to yourself first.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

All right. This is interesting to me because I always say you need to be your own best lover first to women. You need to be your own best lover first in order to have a good sex life with someone else. And right now I am offering something called 365

What A First Session Looks Like

SPEAKER_03 21:59

Days of Orgasms. Pleasure is the resolution, where every week I teach women a different way to explore their own sexuality. I had never thought about self-domination. So I'm really going off script here because I'm gonna offer this up to people who are following. You just said dom yourself. So let's talk about a couple different ways a woman could start doing that who wants to see if that is part of her sexuality. What are some practice? Let's say a week over the course of a week, what are some things she could do to dom herself and see how that feels in her body?

SPEAKER_01 22:36

I think though one of the things that she can do and that I do personally is that whenever a negative thought about myself comes into my head, even if it's just passing by or whatever, I completely dom myself in a sense of shut up. That's not true. You're beautiful, you're sexy, you're bold. When you walk down the street, everybody wants you. You are the ultimate goddess. So every time I get a negative thought, I completely I tell myself to shut up. I even go a little deeper and tell myself to shut the fuck up. Like sometimes you really have to, sometimes we're our own worst enemy. So I'll tell myself to shut up. Another thing I like to do is I always say, get glammed up. Even if you have nothing to do that day, if you're just sitting around the house watching TV or watching whatever, get get dolled up. Sometimes even just being dolled up and feeling that presence of looking good can make so much more happen. So throw in some leather and latex when you're in the house, if you have it. Throw on a nice fluffy robe, throw on something that makes you really feel powerful. Another thing, too, as well. I always tell women, I'm a visual learner. So I like to go to these clips websites where Dominatrix creating content and I watch their content. I'll follow their pages on Twitter. I'll look at certain examples of things, especially when I was first starting out. I looked at things because I was like, okay, how's a dominators supposed to be? Now I'm not that way anymore, but when I started out, you kind of want to get that mindset. So if I had to say the top three things is dom yourself, tell yourself to shut up, get sexy around the house, really get in that dominant energy. And then watch visuals of how other women are moving and dominant because you might see something in that video where you're like, oh, I could totally do that. Or maybe I can even do it better. But just get in that mindset of really just hyping yourself up.

SPEAKER_03 24:16

What are some things that existed inside of you that you felt that were embodied by you that triggered you to think, oh, I think I'm a don?

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Growing up, I was just always the contrarian as a child. Like when my parents said something, I was the only child. I had five siblings. I was the only child out of all of us that always had a rebuttal. Why? Why is that this? Why are you saying we have to do it this way? Did I get in a lot of trouble? Yes. But that fire was always inside of me to always just question, to always just say, no, I'm stepping up and standing up for myself. I think that's pretty much what ignited inside of me as a Dom. And also in my in college, in my romantic and sexual relationships, I always like to perform. I'm like 19, 20 years old, 21 years old, dealing with guys. And when we're having sex, I like to put on music and make them sit on the bed and watch me. I'm doing a whole performance before we even have sex. I'm pulling out handcuffs and tools. These guys don't know anything about this stuff. And I'm just like, I think we should use it. And in in comparison, they were very boring compared to me. I didn't really start having the exciting relationships until I moved to New York and got older. But those were things that were common themes within my sexual being and my sexual learning that I liked. I always just liked to be center of attention in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_03 25:38

So you said earlier that being a dominatrix kind of starting point is building confidence. Do you equate domming to confidence? Is that the base trait at the core of Doming?

SPEAKER_01 25:55

For sure. Because to even lead the scene, and so many people, like when you are having sessions with sub, so many of them are putting their trust in you. And the confidence you have to have walking into the room, because if you walk into the room flustered, that can set the whole tone. Now the sub is I'm flustered, I'm nervous. Even if you are nervous, you have to keep that confidence of I know what I'm doing, because I do know what I'm doing, and I'm very confident in my work. So confidence is a major part in being a dominatrix, a major part. Don't get me wrong. I know DOMs that have might have their own issues of anxiety or other things going on. But when they're in that room and they're insane, you don't see that.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

So for you, does the Doming come together with your personal life? Or are there separate parts of you in your own personal relationships? Do you dom or sometimes break away from that?

SPEAKER_01 26:50

In my personal relationships, I consider myself a brandy submissive. So I enjoy being with men that are powerful. I don't even like to use the term alpha male, but I somehow always get those types. But I'm submissive, but I still do something called topping from the bottom. So I'll follow his directions in the bedroom and I'll follow his lead and my personal relationships, but I'll also speak up and be like, I don't like that. We should change that. I'm very princessy.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

But I also know Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Oh my gosh. I'm very much so I I live a princess life of okay, he's leading, and I have this thing where I like to call my partners daddy. It's just what I do. I'm like, okay, daddy's leading, but also daddy can listen to me too. I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna give my input, but I'm still gonna let him make the decision. But he needs to know that the decision he makes needs to be in consideration of me. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

Yeah, you've got the best of all the worlds right there, is what I think. That that is and it is something to think about, especially if you're looking at bringing a DOM situation into your bedroom with your partner, is that it compartmentalized. And I think for women who know this is something their

Services Menu And Why Power Players Come

SPEAKER_03 28:08

partner wants or who want to try it, you can compartmentalize activities, right? And you can switch it up. Just because you do some DOMing doesn't mean it has to be all the time. Exactly. What are some things you would like men to know? What are some things if you could just have all the men in the world sitting in front of you with their mouth taped shut, they couldn't say anything, and you had the stage and could tell them the things that you wished they knew. What are some of your top things you would throw out there? Bites of wisdom, if you will.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Okay. Number one, I would immediately say, give up your power. That's the first thing I would say. Give up your power, relinquish your power. Know that you are not always right. Know that women are here to lead, and we know the best thing for you. And sometimes the best thing for you is giving to us. Knowing that women are the prize, that we are the prize. Knowing that submission is earned, not given. Because a lot of men think just because they say they want to be a sub, it's given to them. It is earned. To be in my what I call my galaxy, to be in my world, you have to know that submission is not going to be something that's easily going to be given to you. When you are approaching a dominatrix as a man, approach it respect. Don't approach with your dick in your hand, because I feel like a lot of them approach in that way. But the biggest thing for me would be that first sentence I said, give up your power. I think that's just the first step. A lot of men cannot give up their power. They always want to run their mouths. They always want to just try to say what they think is best for the collectives instead of just sitting back and listening and really just, really just relaxing in the divine feminine. I think a lot of men are too much into their masculine energy, maybe stepping a little bit into that feminine energy. It doesn't mean prancing around and in and clothes and dresses, even though that is a cape. Feminization is something that a lot of us love, but just being able to pretty much just relax in that energy of the divine feminine.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

Well, once you took the tape off their mouth, they'd be like, Well, what do I get out of it?

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Well, in Mistress Marley style, I would say you get out of it just being in my presence, just being here. That's pretty much kind of like the overarching theme, also, too, is a pro-dominatrix and financial dominatrix. It's we get paid to exist, just being in the presence. And also, I mean, if I had to give them a tangible thing, I guess, of what they get out of it, it's an experience, an experience that you'll be able to take with you throughout your life, an experience that can take you to other experiences and other heights and open up doors for you sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally that you never knew existed. It makes you vulnerable. Just exploring your vulnerability, I think that's what you get out of it. And to me, those types of experiences are priceless because from there, you never know where your life will take you. You never know what other amazing experiences you might have after just having that one experience where you relinquish control.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

Because having that experience of getting in touch with their vulnerability and opening up can be brought into their everyday life and improve that. It's interesting you say that too, because I I think because you said the benefit is you get to be in my presence. And right now, with all of the media talking about the male loneliness epidemic and men struggling to connect and all of that stuff. If you look at this on a broader scale, because you did say relinquished control to women, that perhaps the payoff is then that load loneliness factor goes down, right? Because then you get to be in women's presence. And part of the reason why women are, quote, choosing the bear. And so many women I know are just saying, I'm not, I don't need to be in relationship with men anymore, is because of their inability to not try to have power over us and control us and and create more misery in our lives. So the benefit is that you will probably get to be in more in relationship with more women.

SPEAKER_01 32:18

Yeah, like even the submissive men that I see that are in female-led relationships. I know a lot of DOMs that have married subs or married their subs, they're so happy, completely happy, because they have that vulnerability and they have that power because it's still to relinquish your control is still a power you have over yourself because you make that decision. So they still have that. I see the joy, see the joy in it. So, you know, men out there, become submissive. You'll be joyful for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

You'll be surprised at how relaxed you feel, right? I mean, it's just the same thing as again, going back to these alpha quote out because you and I know they're alpha, these broke podcasters in the manosphere who say women should be happy because men are taking care of them, they should be in the house and and keeping their mouth shut. It's if men think that that's so wonderful, then why aren't they doing it instead? Because we're saying you could be happy doing that exact thing.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

Exactly. It's a it's a I think for a lot of men, it's really just their peers. A lot of men are influenced by their peers. If they got out that peer-led thinking, they'll be fine, but it's the peers that really hold them back.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

And

Submission Earned Boundaries Kept

SPEAKER_03 33:38

your peers aren't even happy or good and bad. That one. So exactly the irony of it. Well, I do have some questions that I had listeners submit last night. So I want to make sure to have take time to get to those. I'm I'm going to read off my favorite one. I already, well, this is different. I did ask you what the most the strangest thing someone had asked you for, but this is a little bit different. So this is actually in person with a client. What is the most unexpected thing a powerful man has begged you for once he was actually in the room with you?

SPEAKER_01 34:22

So I got begged one time to pee in a cup so he could drink it right then and there. And of course, I I did it.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

But it was just such a the there was no hesitation in the ass. He just was like, Mistress, can you please pee in a cup? I want to drink your pee. I want to drink your gold liquid, is what he said. I remember distinctively, because now that's what I call it for myself. But but to me, that was like the most random thing because that was also not part of the session. He had never mentioned before that he was into that, and it just happened. And I was like, sure, why not? I'll drink a lot of water, let's go.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

Right, right. And there are probably oftentimes things that come up off script simply because once they're in that state, they feel safe enough to ask for the things that are secretly tucked in the back of their mind. Exactly. I've had also a listener ask if cucking is common. And if so, do they lick it off your body? That was the question.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

So cucking is common. I don't do cucking, but I have a lot of Dom friends that do it. It's very common, especially a lot of them that are in relationships with men that are fine with them being a dominatrix and are fine with being a part of their business model and things of that nature. So it's very common, so common. I get a lot of emails of those. And there are men that will request to lick it off of your body, whether it's your foot, your knee, wherever it is, they'll ask to lick it off. And that's all part of the kink in the scenario. So it's very common.

SPEAKER_03 35:50

There you go. You wanted to know. Now you know. Oh, is there a type of man you can spot from a mile away who wants to submit?

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Yes. Of course, at a kink event, it's easy because people label themselves as whatever. But I've gone to bars before, like just regular sports bars, just regular bars here in New York. And instantly, just sitting at the bar, even when I'm sitting there and a man is just trying to hold a conversation with me, wants to buy me a drink. Usually how I tell that they are submissive is they can't look me in the eye when they're talking to me. They get a little flustered. They still want my attention, but they'll look at me and they'll glance away. They'll look at me and they'll glance away, but they still make sure I have everything. Would you like another drink? Would you like something to eat? Or I can, or even me coming to the bar and a man immediately saying, You can have my seat. And I'm just like, oh, okay. And then I'll sit down and start talking. Usually there's a little bit of flustering there, you can see in them. They start turning red. They usually have, they're not the loudest man in the bar for sure. They're not. They're not the loudest one. They're not the flash. Sometimes they're not even the flashiest one. They're the one that you would least expect. So there's different, different markers, but the biggest marker for me is the ones that can't look me in the eye. I'm like, oh, I got you right where I want you already.

SPEAKER_03 36:58

So is there a profile that you would say if I was just profiling

Partner Play Versus Hiring A Pro

SPEAKER_03 37:04

a group of men?

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Aside from those markers, like those like social markers of not being able to look at you and those things, I can't even say you can profile because my clients range from the nerdiest guy walking the street to the most buff, athletic, handsome man that you would never expect. So it's kind of one of those things where it's you can't really, you can't physically profile them.

SPEAKER_03 37:26

Can I tell you I love a big, buff, strong man who wants me to boss him around? Those are my like I swear, I was like instantly turned on thinking about that. There is something about a big, like man that I could scale like a tree wanting me to boss him around.

SPEAKER_01 37:45

Yeah, those are my those are my favorite. It just it does something inside of me. I don't I can't explain it. Those are my favorite.

SPEAKER_03 37:52

I don't know what it is. You and you would never know. You would never know outside of if you're walking around, he's the guy that's seemingly dominant and can be, but I love bossing around a big guy.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

Oh, yeah. And I love it when it's like a secret, like nobody else knows that I'm like bossing, like they see us out at dinner, and they're thinking, oh, he's probably so dominant in the alpha male and leading. And I'm like, little do you know after this dinner, he's on his knees.

SPEAKER_03 38:19

Yeah, that's lovely. That is lovely. What's a request you get constantly that surprises people outside of this world that is absolutely normal to you?

SPEAKER_01 38:31

Financial domination is always a surprise to people when they hear that men are paying us just for existing, sometimes for nothing in return. So there are men that will get online and just send me money and they won't write me a message, they won't say anything. Sometimes they'll say, just take my money, I'm useless. It it belongs to you. In my world, it's normal, right? That's a that's a normal day ending in why for financial bounds. But for outsiders, what we call vanilla people, when they hear that, they instantly think I'm lying. I've been called a liar. There's there's no way that's not true. She's just lying, she just wants attention. I'm like, no, it's it's it's really true. So I think that's the most common one that people can't grasp. Because when a lot of people see this, they see they see, okay, an exchange of money needs a service immediately. Exchange of money needs a physical service, it means you're sending him nudes, you're doing something, right? And I'm like, nah. He's just sending me the money and I'm out to eat with the girls, and I'm now I'm using that money on lunch. Do you ever turn men away?

SPEAKER_03 39:24

And what makes you say no?

SPEAKER_01 39:27

I turn men away that I naturally get a bad feeling in my stomach about. So if I get a man that's emailing me and he seems very pushy, right? So if he emails me at 10 a.m. and then by 2 p.m., he's are you there? And I'm like, okay, I'm not dealing with this. It's only been four hours. I've I've turned men away for just obviously just wanting my attention with no type of payment or no type of gonna book anything. But I've also turned men away that are like hesitant to bet, don't want to give an ID, don't want to give any references, or asking me if I can meet them in a park at this time. I'm like, oh, it's 2026. I'm not, I'm not, you're not gonna get me. So I've definitely turned a I've turned a lot, I think I turned a lot of men away monthly, honestly. Right.

SPEAKER_03 40:08

Yeah, that makes sense. And and trusting women are trusting their guts these days. You don't even have to give us a reason. If there's something that you say, we're just protecting ourselves. What is something men thinks turns you on as a Dom that actually does nothing for you at all?

SPEAKER_01 40:28

I think for me, what men thinks turn me on. I get a lot of stuff that come in my inbox and just bombard me with compliments like you are so beautiful, you are the goddess of the earth. If I was with you, I'd be kissing your feet and your butt and your boobs, and I would just be telling that does nothing for me. I think in the beginning of my career when I was a quote unquote, because we call it baby dom, when I was first starting out, that stuff was amazing. I would screenshot it and be like, look what this guy said to me. I would be showing my friends, but now I'm more so just rolling my eyes because to me it's a lot of fluff, it's a lot of talk, and a lot of them come from a place of still just trying to

Teaching Women Dominance Starting With Self

SPEAKER_01 40:58

serve themselves. So they'll give those compliments, but they'll be like, and I want you to do this to me and I want you to slap me. And I'm like, you haven't asked me how I am, you haven't been asked me how my week is going, you haven't asked me what I offer or what you contribute to me. So the the overly exuberant compliments and it does nothing for me.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

Right. Well, you get, I'm sure you get an abundance of those.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

I mean, I could walk to the I could walk to the deli in New York and get 10 of those on the way there. Right.

SPEAKER_03 41:27

Exactly. You gotta take it to the next level. So if a woman wanted to try being more dominant with her own partner, what's the one thing you'd tell her to do first?

SPEAKER_01 41:38

The conversation. The first thing of the conversation, even asking your partner, hey, here's a list of things that I like. So maybe making your own list of kinks and fetishes that you like, maybe your top 10, and having that conversation with your partner. Also being informed on those kinks. So when you are having that conversation with your partner, you could be like, this is what this means, this is what that means. So the first thing is always a conversation. I always say, especially when it comes to women wanting to dom their male partner, don't just jump right into it because you don't want to make anything uncomfortable, you don't want to make anything awkward, and you also don't know what he's into, right? So you might think he likes to lick feet or lick your feet, and he might not like feet at all. So I think it's just having that conversation, it's important.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

So that's we are now to kind of the takeaway piece. And I want to make this instead of just three takeaways, let's talk to the people who are who are here. What whether it's a woman wanting to be more dominant in man and and give that, give them a setup for where to start, what they need to figure out in advance, and then how to initiate that conversation without it blowing up in their face.

SPEAKER_01 42:47

I think the first place to start is like I said before, education, right? So before you even approach your partner, educate yourself, even down to basics. What does the word kink mean? What does the word fetish mean? What does BDSM mean? What are safe, what are safe words? What are hard limits? What are soft limits? Know all of those different things before even having the conversation because you want to be informed as well. Because you might read something and you might be like, wait, I don't like that. Maybe I shouldn't hop into this like I thought I would. I think the second thing is is to initiate the conversation, but I would always say maybe do it over dinner, maybe do it over in a relaxed environment. Maybe you guys are sitting down to watch TV for the day, or maybe you have a picnic date plan. Maybe do it on a date night over just an easy conversation. When initiating the conversation, always start with, I've been exploring more about myself. These are some things that I've been finding that I like. These are some things that I've been researching. I wanted to bring them to you because I trust you. Because you also want to do this with someone you trust. Okay. If you do not trust this person, don't even have the conversation. It's not worth it. And it won't even be a great journey at all. But I trust you, and these are the things that I want to possibly bring into the bedroom. What do you think of them? Right. So just having that conversation from there. If you get pushback, allow that pushback. Because at the end of the day, no one owes you key. No one owes you fetish, right? These are these are specialized things, and a lot of people have to work through themselves. So if you do get pushback, don't take it to heart, right? Don't start lashing out like, well, you should do it because we're together. And if we're going to stay together, don't go into all of that. More so just work with them through it. Like, okay, he said you don't like this. Why? If we did it this way, would it be better? If it's a no, it's a no, right? If it's a straight up no, that's it. But if they're willing to explore, then I would say the next step would be going to a kinky event together. Before interbringing it in the bedroom, go to a kinky event and observe how other couples are interacting with each other. I'm not saying go to some sleazy sex dungeon where it's all types of chaos going on, but there's websites like FentLife, for instance, that host different types of seminars that host educational things, there's conventions, there's galas, there's all these different things that are going on. So I would definitely say go to a kinky event with your partner. And then from there, you guys can take it to the bedroom. Or maybe you explore in the event. There's some events too where you can explore and play.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

Okay. And finally, if a man, instead of bringing it into his bedroom, wants to find a dominatrix to work with, give him the steps to doing that and doing it correctly. Well, first of all, finding the right person, but then also approaching that person correctly.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

I think the first thing as a man wanting to approach a professional dominatrix, already know ahead of time what you're into. Because one thing, professional DOMs, we don't have a lot of time. So we don't have a lot of time to email back and forth of do you like this, this, this? Go ahead and give us a list of what you like because we already have our list. So we'll be able to say, no, I can't do that. I can't do whatever. Then you want to do your research within your city. So if you're searching for a dominatrix within your city, Fet Life, you can easily find DOMs in that situation. Read their profiles. You can find DOMs everywhere now. We're on Twitter, Instagram. I mean, it's more mainstream now for sure. From there, do your research on the DOM. One of my pet peeves is Sub. That come to me and have done no research on me. They don't know anything about me. They don't know about my business. They don't know about my dominatric style. And which, in my case, where so many of these things are there and accessible, if you decided, if you know nothing about me, that means you decided not to do any research. So definitely do your research. And then when you do approach, be prepared to ask the proper question. What is your tribute amount?

Red Flags Vetting And Financial Dom Basics

SPEAKER_01 46:13

What is your availability? Do you do sessions being flown out? So some men will fly you out of certain states. Asking all those important things, what is your skill level? Asking all of those things is very, very important. And then when she tells you your tribute amount and where to tribute, don't bullshit around, right? Don't sit and say, Well, mistress, I'll have it at the end of the week. Approach us when you have it. Because saying that I'll have it at the end of the week, me automatically, from years of being in this business, I'm automatically putting you in a spam boulder by because you're wasting my time. And I'm not going to email you on Friday to see if you have the money. I don't have time for that. So just approach me with respect as well. But those would be like the basic steps. Be knowledgeable. That's the takeaway. Be knowledgeable.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

Be knowledge. Be knowledgeable. Guys, before you do anything, could you be knowledgeable?

SPEAKER_01 47:03

When you said when I had all the men in the room with their mouse tapes up, that should have been the first thing. Be knowledgeable.

SPEAKER_03 47:09

Because the truth is, and I know that it comes from the pressure a patriarchal society puts on them. A lot of men feel like they need to act like they're knowledgeable about any I'm talking anything before they actually are knowledgeable. And that's why they think they should lead. And we're all like, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, do you? And it hurts us all, guys.

SPEAKER_01 47:36

It does.

SPEAKER_03 47:37

Yeah. All right. This was a great conversation. I'm excited to have you back to talk about financial domination. I feel like men and women and people of all genders out there, you have a starting point and you have more knowledge if this is a direction you want to go, or you felt something stirring in you while we were talking about it. Can you give them some information about where they can find you and get in touch with you after this show?

SPEAKER_01 48:05

Yeah. So if you want any visuals of who I am and the type of domination I do, you can find me on Instagram. My Instagram is at Mistress MarleyOfficial. We all know Instagram likes to delete us and pull the content when they want to. So I'm always on Twitter. My Twitter is eyes, like your eyes X on fire. Or you can just go on Twitter and type in Mistress Marley. I'll come up. I'm very active on there. I can post my spicier content on there as well. If you want to learn from me, you can find me on Patreon. My Patreon is patreon.com slash house of dominance. That's where all the women are learning domination. We have a Discord chat. It's a large group of us who give each other advice. And it's just overall just a networking sisterhood. So that's pretty much where you can find all of my things. Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 48:47

Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm excited about our future conversation. Folks, give it a try. I mean, I've played with it a little bit and I certainly like it. I think it has something to offer people of all genders. And just remember, this doesn't mean anything about who you are as a man or a woman. Right?

SPEAKER_01 49:08

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 49:09

So thank you for joining me today.

SPEAKER_01 49:11

Thank you for having me. It was a great conversation.

SPEAKER_03 49:14

It was so much fun. And to my listeners, until next time, see you in the locker room. Cheers. Cheers.