Wedding Business Solutions

Mark Caravaggio - Having the difficult conversations

• Alan Berg, CSP, Global Speaking Fellow

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Mark Caravaggio - Having the difficult conversations

How do you handle difficult conversations with clients or fellow pros when plans go sideways? What happens when a customer comes at you with both barrels, or when conflicting expectations create tension behind the scenes? In this episode, I talk with Mark Caravaggio about practical ways to navigate confrontation, lead with empathy, and set clear boundaries, both before and during weddings. We explore why communicating expectations up front–and knowing when to walk away from the wrong fit–can actually strengthen your business and relationships.

Listen to this new episode for real-world scripts and strategies to stay calm, respond with heart, and turn tricky conversations into opportunities for better collaboration and happier clients.

About Mark: 
Hi, I’m Mark Caravaggio—Owner and Operator of inTUNE, a Wedding DJ, MC and Planning business born from a dream and built on purpose. After leaving behind a corporate life in 2011, I set out to create something radically different: a life and business rooted in connection, creativity, and intention. My spiritual awakening in 2019 reshaped everything, leading me to build inTUNE not just as a service, but as a movement of meaning-making moments.


Contact Mark:

Website: https://www.intune.events/

Instagram: https://instagram.com/intune.events

If you have any questions about anything in this, or any of my podcasts, or have a suggestion for a topic or guest, please reach out directly to me at Alan@WeddingBusinessSolutions.com or visit my website Podcast.AlanBerg.com 

Please be sure to subscribe to this podcast and leave a review (thanks, it really does make a difference). If you want to get notifications of new episodes and upcoming workshops and webinars, you can sign up at www.ConnectWithAlanBerg.com  

View the full transcript on Alan’s site: https://alanberg.com/blog/


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I'm Alan Berg. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions about this or if you'd like to suggest other topics for "The Wedding Business Solutions Podcast" please let me know. My email is Alan@WeddingBusinessSolutions.com. Look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.

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©2025 Wedding Business Solutions LLC & AlanBerg.com

How do you have the difficult conversation?

Ooh.

Listen to this episode and find out. Hey, it's Alan Berg. Welcome back to another episode of the Wedding Business Solutions podcast. I am so happy to have my friend Mark Caravaggio on from Intune up in Canada to talk to us about difficult conversations. Mark, how you doing?

I'm doing great, Alan, how are you?

I am well and thank you for making this suggestion. So all of you wonder, how do my guests get on? Sometimes it's people that I know well, sometimes it's people I don't know. Sometimes people reach out with an idea and sometimes I say, that's an idea, come on. Or sometimes they say, hey, can we come on and talk about this? And if it's something we haven't talked about or it's interesting to talk about, let's talk about it. So we want to talk about it now. I kind of put you through the ringer a little bit because you suggested it and I want, we have about the 30 minutes to talk about something and I like to, you know, get my guests thinking about that. Let's focus this down. So first of all, just tell people, you know, what, what is it that you do 

So my business is Intune and we are a wedding dj, MC and planning company and really we're focused on connection, collaboration, community and just, just trying to set a standard that is an evolved outlook on, on business in the wedding world.

And how long have you been doing this?

So I actually, you know, as a lot of DJs, I used to DJ on the side with my old corporate career and I used to be a corporate software trainer. So I traveled all around and went into companies and, and had lots of fun with help him with upgrading software and training sessions. I kind of got to a point of maybe I'm considering leaving that world. And that really happened. In 2011, things kind of came to a head, which is a whole other story. I decided to literally leave my old world and decide to jump in full fledged. And that was in 2011. Okay.

Yeah, that's, that's actually when I started my business when, when my former employer suggested that I find other employment.

Relatable.

Yeah, well, you know, listen, I always say it's the proverbial best thing that's ever happened, which really has for me because it let me do what I was going to be doing eventually anyway, but instead of keep kicking the can down the road, it was, you got pushed.

Right.

And you know, if you get pushed off a cliff, you got to learn how to Fly. And for me, because of what I do, I literally said to my wife, if I can't look in the mirro and tell that guy how to start and run a successful business, nobody should hire me.

Right?

Because that's what I'm going to be doing. So I treat myself like a client. However, let's get on to what we're going to talk about here. So difficult conversation. So when you first came up with that idea, what was, what was the scenario you were thinking of? Like, something must have sparked that, or maybe it just happened to you that you have to have that

I think in general, what I've experienced in life is, you know, a lot in business, I've experienced this, and certainly going through Covid, I learned so much from our clients in that way. And I felt like there was a lot of uncomfortable conversations that had to be had. And this is something that has been an amazing conversation with fellow, you know, entrepreneurs and other vendors in the industry where, how did you handle these different scenarios that came up? And we'll, you know, generally we can call them uncomfortable conversations. I think it's something that I used to really struggle with when, you know, upon looking back, and I think a lot of us in business, we look back to how we used to maybe handle things that came up, certain scenarios that came up. And I think I struggled with putting myself in the frame of mind of someone else, in this case our client. So really, it wasn't until I started kind of diving in a little bit before COVID kind of diving in and doing a little bit more self reflection as to, you know, maybe there was some situations I could have handled differently. Certain things might have been in my control, certain things not. But at the, at the minimum, I feel like there was something that I could have been diving in a little bit more and, and uncovering some truth about myself that would have made certain elements of life a lot easier.

And that, that is, that really happened in 2019, I started doing that. And what I uncovered was actually far beyond what I imagined. And it really went all the way back to childhood. And, and yeah, it's a, it's a, you know, it was a lot more than what I bargained for. Alan.

Okay, I'm just picturing you, you know, curled up in a corner, you know, with a box of tissues. I don't know, maybe, but which is okay because, I mean, everybody could use a good cry every once in a while. But so I love the fact that you're saying this was 2019 and before, because Covid did bring up uncomfortable situations, but we are hoping we are past that forever in our lifetime. So let's go back to 2019 or let's go to 2025 now and say, here's a situation that has come up, could likely come up again. Right? So give me a situation with. You do weddings. Right, so give me a situation with a couple that's hired you for a wedding. Well, we'll get to the industry part of that as well, because I want to have those as well.

What's one of these uncomfortable conversations that you have to have with your, your couples or, or have had to have?

I think the biggest kind of recurring pattern that I saw, and it certainly came up during COVID and I hope many people can relate, is the plan didn't go according to what they imagined. And this is speaking to the client's perspective. And so, you know, upon them reaching out to us and that that change of plan could be a postponement. It could be them asking for a deposit back or if there was more than a deposit put towards their, their, their wedding. You know, just having, opening up that conversation. And you know, we realized quite quickly each client had a different way that they approached. Some approached with integrity and compassion and openness towards having that conversation and trying to understand our approach. And others were a little bit more direct and kind of had a certain idea in their mind with how they wanted to approach it and was a little bit more kind of demanding and confrontational.

Confrontational, right. Yeah, right. And so I feel like in the past with those situations coming up, I used to be very defensive. And I think a lot of people can relate to this. When somebody attacks, you get defensive kind of thing. Right. So that, that particular thing, what I realized is this is life in personal and professional life. So it's really uncovering it's not the situation per se, it's just that something maybe that we feel is uncomfortable, how can we respond in a, in a healthy manner?

So, so give people some tips here. So somebody comes to you and not the person that comes and says, listen, you know, something happened, is there anything you can do? And they're being, you know, that way. The person that comes at you, you know, with both guns blazing already, what do you do?

It's a great question. I think for me, knowing my old self, the old mark, where I would have went back at them kind of as a defense mechanism, I recognized first of all that that was a fear based response. So that wasn't really me that was coming from, from somewhere. And so What I learned how to do is instead of just jumping right on, like, you know, like this, I learned to kind of take a step back. And this is the beauty of email that I've discovered, is that sometimes people can handle. Handle a phone conversation different than an email conversation. For me, I'm much more comfortable via email in terms of. I'm a little bit more in control of.

I don't have to respond in 2 minutes or 5 minutes or 10 minutes. I can let it sit. And so that's the big thing that I uncovered there is I can let it sit. I can learn to try and understand a little bit more. So open up the conversation. Not. Not judge the. The client for coming at me.

They're feeling something, and so I'm trying to understand a little bit more about what they're going through. So I try and connect through what they're going through, first and foremost, to try and talk at the heart of the matter of. Of what's really going on.

And it's interesting when people come at you with more confrontational tone, you don't know if it's, you know, they're just trying to get something from you, therefore they think they need to be on the attack. Or like you said, you know, something didn't go the way they wanted it to. It was their wedding. And some people, like, you know, life happens, things happen like that. And other people, like, you ruined my life, you know, the same exact situation, right, for one person. And I've always said, you know, we all have our own meter, right? Like, how bad you think this was versus how bad they think this was usually doesn't line up. And I get the call. So I've talked about this on other podcasts.

I get the call when somebody gets their first bad review, right? Their hair is on fire. Who do I. I'm going to call Alan, right. And the first thing I do, Mark, is I always say, okay, show me the review, right? Let me read it. Because I'm not emotionally connected to that the way you are, right? If they wrote it about your company or one of your people. And I read it and I said, okay, so tell me how much of what they said is true. And sometimes it's like, I don't even know who these people are. We had, you know, we did a wedding that day with somebody.

Okay, that's one. One thing. But usually it's like, well, I was like, well, means some of it is true, right? So your. Some of it is true there. Some of it is true. You're how bad it was, they're how bad it was probably not lining up. And that's where we have the disconnect over here. So I love that you're saying, you understand they're feeling something.

Well, you're feeling something too, and that's okay.

Right?

So give me an idea. Somebody writes to you and says, you know, that's not what we wanted. That was not our, the timeline didn't go or something like that wasn't the right first dance song or, or whatever it was. You take your breath, right? You walk around the block a little bit, you come back, your first response. Give me an idea. What would you say?

Yeah, so for me, it's reminding myself that I want to lead with love. So that to me is keeping an open heart and leading, you know what I call it, a heart centered response. So this, give me an idea.

What would you say?

Yeah. So to me, this is, you know, thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It takes a lot of courage to share that and not hold that in because a lot of clients do, you know, hold that in and are not open to sharing that. I always appreciate any type of feedback. It's super important to me because I'm really interested in evolving and I make that very clear to them. Good.

So give, give, give me the, give me the, the first couple of lines in that email.

Yes. I would say, you know, thank you so much for sharing, you know, your experience with me. And it's really important to me to, to, to keep an open mind and listen to, you know, what you're going through. And it might, depending on the scenario. I would certainly like to hop on a phone conversation and connect in that way as well. That's a little bit different for every client. I've had situations where they don't want that, so they're really closed off. They want things to go their way and they're trying to control the narrative.

I'm trying to open up their heart to have a heart to heart conversation.

So what if they won't, what if they won't get on the phone?

Yeah, if, if they're not getting on the phone, it's just trying to understand as much as I can and, and try and get to the bottom of, you know, what's really going on. So I think most times what I've found is they're telling me that they expected something and the result wasn't exactly as planned. And a lot of times what I'm finding is now in my experience, that expectation wasn't Set by us. It was set by something.

Right.

You know, something they've created, you know.

Right.

And I think that's a really important thing. I, I did a presentation this morning for a group in the UK and I said, I've said this on, in my presentations before. There's three questions you're trying to answer. When someone makes an inquiry, what's the occasion? Who's coming and what does success look like? Right, so what's the occasion? Well, the only reason they need anybody in the wedding and event industry is they're bringing people together for something. What is it now? It's usually a happy occasion, you know, and even a celebration of life should be a happy, you know, celebrating the person's life. Right. So you're bringing people together. It's a happy occasion.

Who's coming? I was at a wedding that had from 4 years old to 93. You as the DJ would kind of want to know that going in, who's my audience here?

Right?

What's going on? And then. But what does success look like? That's what we're talking about here. Their, their expectation and what you thought you needed to deliver didn't line up. Now, I know there are some people listening going, no, they told us what they want and then they change their mind what they want afterwards, or their maid of honor or their mother or their whatever. You know, somebody's got a bug in their ear and they're, they're saying, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. My favorite story with this was somebody that contacted a multi op DJs owner. Well, actually the, the owner calls up after the wedding. How was everything? Okay? Well, the DJ didn't play the songs that they were supposed to play.

We had these songs they didn't play. And he said, I'm really sorry, again, like you said, empathize. Right. I'm really sorry that this. Let me go check the logs and I'll get back to you. And she goes, the logs? He said, yeah, our system records every song that was played. And she goes, oh, never mind.

Right.

So that, to me, that's a different camp. That's somebody who's trying to take advantage of you, the company. Right. And they're going to have people like that. But I think for the most part. Don't you find that for the most part it's not that.

For the most part. And it's very rare that we have to have this level of conversation. Right. And so I found again, there was a bit more of that heightened awareness during COVID because of the build up to what a wedding is supposed to be. And there's a little bit of like an unrealistic expectation with all the frills and, and this and that. Think a lot. There was a lot of extra pressure to be something. So if it, you know, it's that chase for perfection and if it doesn't go.

Exactly. If some one little thing doesn't go, they want that person or that vendor to blame.

So what do you do in the, in the lead up to that when you're, you're in the sales process and then you have the, between then and the wedding, how do you go about trying to find out that expectation, that target? Right, because you can't hit a target. You can't see.

That's it. Yeah. So thankfully I've got an unbelievable wedding planner on my staff. And so I've got a system in place where we're, you know, I have the DJ and MC mentality, that's my background. She's bringing in the detail oriented type A style approach. And so through the website that our clients receive, we can see in live, in a live viewpoint kind of what's happening. So we can see where they started, where they're at and kind of as we get closer to that final planning meeting, we can see, you know, maybe some control took over and they're going a little bit to where they're feeling like they need to control every single, you know, song potentially being played as an, as an example. Right.

That control can definitely be a thing. And, and so I usually get that flag to me by our wedding planner on staff to say, you know, what, I've chatted with them or I'm having a look at their details, this is what I'm noticing. What do you think? And then we'll have that collaborative approach and decide is it, is this something worth, you know, conversing with our client on? And so I'd never ever want to put the DJ in a situation to fail, setting them up to fail.

So what about that control freak client that is giving you all the songs they want you to play and you're looking at those songs going, we've lost the dance floor.

Right?

Like we got it. Oh no, we just lost it again. Oh no, we got it, we lost it again.

Right.

What do you say to them?

So I think the big thing is to, to be willing. I always embrace the uncomfortable conversation. So I like to get on the phone, not email, definitely a phone call and just really try and understand why certain music is important to them. So they might have added songs on there, even though we might not approve, based on our experience, that might be super important to them, their family, their friends, that kind of a thing. So I want to uncover that to make sure. And also if that's important, how much that is expected through the night. Can we still approach the night, read the room and cater to that wide variety. Like you said, kids all the way up to the 94 year old.

Right. Which is usually a successful event when we're aiming to target that audience. So we want them to get on board with what we're doing and we want to support what they're doing. And usually a phone conversation will uncover that quite quickly because otherwise what I've discovered is they will be going up to the DJ and they'll be that last. And it kind of. I find that sometimes it's just that letting go of letting the DJ do what they do best, they want too much or too much of a say. And it's not always like that. In that first sales call, I find, I find a lot of times it's right in the thick of planning that that control takes over.

It's something that, you know, it's them letting go of that process. Right. And we usually have a really good relationship with our clients that, you know, they understand it's a collaborative approach, they trust us and we support their unique and quirky requests, you know.

Right.

So if you heard what you heard there was it's the why you want to go back to them and you want to say, hey, listen, I heard you on that. That's not, not what we normally see. You don't want to say that's wrong, that's bad, that's whatever. This is not what we normally hear from our couples. Tell me why. You know, tell me more about that. You know, how do you feel this is going to enhance the experience for all of your guests? You want them thinking about everybody, not just themselves. Right.

You might. It's like the couple. I remember the story from years ago. Somebody in Texas said that a vegan couple having a wedding and they wanted to have a vegan menu. And the caterer said, well, are all your guests vegan? And they're like, no, but this is really important to us. Is it?

Right.

But you're inviting people to come. You don't want them going to McDonald's on the way home. Right. So what, is everybody vegan? And they eventually convinced them to put a sustainable fish, you know, farm raised fish or whatever on the men. And 90% of the RSVP came back for fish, of course, because, you know, but. But those. That's a problem also with labels, right? Like if you put two salads next to one another and named one vegan and one regular salad, the regular salad is going to go. They're exactly the same bowl.

Oh, I don't want the vegan salad. I must be missing something. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.

So.

But.

But getting to the. Why. Why is that important? I also heard another DJ the other day, we're talking about something similar, and he said, you know, some of these songs I'll play during dinner.

Right?

So they heard the song, but it's not a dancing song, Right. Or it's going to ruin the dance floor if we go to, I don't know, whatever it is, you know, Enter Sandman or something like that, you know, going from staying alive, you know, whatever it is. But I think it's also getting them to understand that this is. Yes, they're planning this party, but they're also inviting all these people. So everybody's got to have a good time.

Right?

Tell me about. How do you handle the do not playlist? I'm curious. I'll tell you my thoughts after, for sure.

So I feel like this might be a little bit different with. With every, you know, business. I've noticed a trend with our do not playlists, and I have this conversation. It gets uncovered pretty quickly on the first call. So this is before they've even hire us. And that's actually one of the questions in my sales call, because I'm trying. I'm trying to connect through what's important to them. So as soon as I ask, I actually talk more about the Do Not Playlist.

And there must play, because I find, because we're covering that wide variety of music. Well, let's talk about what you don't want at your wedding, right? As soon as I say that, the smile comes across across their face. And. And it's usually for us, the do not playlist is. Is the. The. If you want to say it, the. The wedding.

The weddings that have always had the cheesy flair to it, right? So the Macarena, the ymca. And so. So we tend to get a lot of clients that they say, well, we don't want that, because we've seen that at a ton of our weddings. And so we have that conversation up front to say, you know what, if this is important to you, it is important to us. There's an unbelievable amount of music we can pull from. But in the planning journey we dive in much more because sometimes it's more generic messaging that we're getting from the clients, and sometimes it is certain songs that are a little bit triggers from their past, past relationships, past past experiences.

That's. That's what I think. Like, if you were married before and you don't want to play the song that was your first dance at your first wedding, I. I think that's fine, right?

Yeah.

But. But you know what I would say to somebody if they say, listen, we, you know, we don't want. We don't want you to play the Macarena. So. Okay, I hear that. So the last wedding you went to where they played the Macarena, was the dance floor empty?

Right? And.

And it wasn't.

Right.

And. And I don't want the electric slide. Okay. Was the dance floor empty? I don't want the Cha Cha shuffle. I don't want the Superman. I don't want, you know, whatever. And if you say, was the dance floor empty? And the answer is no, the dance floor was full because your aunts and your cousins have been waiting all year and they know that dance, right? That's like me. I would prefer to dance that line dance because I feel more comfortable in my.

Oh, I'm going to say it. My old white guy moves, right? I don't have game. Okay, Let me just say that I don't have game when it comes to dancing. I shouldn't say that I have a decent game, but. But I know those dances and I feel comfortable doing that, and it's a lot of fun. And for me to wait a year to go the wedding and not be able to do. Don't have to do all of them, right? But a couple of those where, you know, you're going to be up there and everybody's going to be up there having a good time. And you know what? If you don't want to dance, don't dance.

Right?

But don't. Don't take that away from your guests. That's what I like to. That's my thoughts on that thing. And, And I would say, okay, so what. What three songs do you want us not to play? That's another thing I would say to them, not what you do not playlist. What three songs do you want us not to play? And if they go, what do you mean? Three songs is like, well, there must be some songs that, like you said, their triggers, their past relations or whatever that you don't want us to play. Otherwise, you know, would you, you know, would you like to Leave it up to our talented creative DJs to read the room, pack the dance floor, and have everybody have a great time.

Yeah. Okay, so which, which three songs should we not play? And I think setting the expectation because somebody posted on Facebook one time, I don't know, it was like four pages, single spaced of the do not playlist. It was like 200 songs.

Wow.

Yeah, sure, you have thousands of songs to work with still, but really, like all of those songs are triggers.

Yeah.

Can't be. And that's. And that goes back to the control thing.

Right.

And have you ever decided that that's not a good fit?

I actually had one very recently, Alan.

Yeah.

I'm pretty empathetic, so I've leaned into that side of myself. So in other words, feeling a certain vibe, a certain energy from someone. And that's why I love doing the video conversations at first call. Just allows us to connect and make sure we're a good fit. And I recently had. This is a really unique situation, but it happens every once in a while where a family member is involved in the selection action process because they want to pay for us as a gift to the, to the couple. So I had the groom's brother actually reaching out to me and, and we had a really, really great conversation and connected. And right after our first call, it was like, yeah, we're good to go.

And then, you know, you get a little bit of that. I don't want to call it ghosting, but there's just a little bit of, you know, you know, silence, silence, or there's a lack of communication. So already I'm going to, you know, because the groom wasn't involved, there might be something going on there. Right. And so there was a second conversation and that happened with the brother alone. Again, this is without the groom And so at that point, he's already told me multiple times he's going with us. Just want to confirm a couple of other things.

And I, and now at that point, I realize this is coming directly from his brother, the groom. Right, right. On the third call. Now he wanted to invite his brother, the groom on. And so I was still open, but at that point I was a little bit aware that there was much more beyond my control. Like, I, I can do what I can do, but there's a point where, you know, if you don't feel like you're being chosen after a few conversations, it should, it should be pretty obvious. And at that point, again, there was that same process of, you know, certain things came up in the conversation. Which left me a little bit uneasy.

There was also a cultural significance to this celebration, which was super important to me and to them. And so again, leaving that conversation, there wasn't any definitive thing, even though I was already told, you know, we were.

So did you fire the client? Did you find.

I did. I sat. You do that? I sat with it for a couple of days because that's me. I need to process and really sit with that. And I came to the conclusion that even if we proceeded with that client, I felt like, you know, if there was three conversations up front, there was a little bit of a. There was going to be a little bit of a time drain on us and our team to where, you know, it wouldn't have been a fluid kind of collaborative experience. It would have been very different than. Than what we are used to seeing.

And that become very. That became very obvious to me when I sat and processed it. And so I emailed them and let them know. I really appreciate all the time you've spent researching us and chatting with us. I don't feel like this is going to be a fit for us. I wish you nothing but the best. And to that kind of extent. And I didn't hear back.

There wasn't even a response to that. And so that kind of answered, you know, my intuition. And I felt, you know, really good about how that. How that went down.

Right.

Because again, you have your. Your spidey senses or whatever you want to call it. And if you. Those of you listening that are in business less than a year, you haven't developed those yet, but you will. And when you develop and you realize what Mark was saying is this is going to ruin your flow, Right. Like, you have a flow on the back. And once they say, yes, that's fine. They got the sales process, but then you have to do that planning process.

And if they're going to be unresponsive, if they're going to be demanding, or if you're not going to be able to talk to the groom or the bride and the groom or the groom and the groom, whatever it was in that situation.

Right.

Who ultimately, even though the brother's paying, ultimately, you need to satisfy the couple who are getting married. It's still their wedding. And if you're not going to be able to get those expectations from them, and maybe, you know, you're going to get in between the two brothers, which is even a worse place to be with that.

Right.

Good to walk away. All right, so we got a few more minutes. I want to talk let's shift gears. Let's talk about some uncomfortable situations, wedding professional to wedding professional.

Right?

So you're. You're working on the same event. So in your case, you're a djmc, so you're working with venues and caterers. And now maybe your planner, maybe there's another planner involved. There's photographers, there's videographers. Right. All these other people. So what are some of the.

Give me one situation. And it could be the most recent, you know, painful one or whatever it is, where there's been some friction, where you've had to have a difficult conversation this way.

Right.

And maybe it's the timeline, your timeline versus the. The planner's timeline or the venue's timeline or the caterer's timeline.

Right.

It's funny you bring up the timeline because that's exactly the one that typically comes up. And our most recent wedding that we. We did, this actually came up on the night of the wedding. We were. We were the emcee. And so when we're hired to be the emcee, Mrs. Were. Having a planner on your staff is.

Is incredible because she understands timelines inside and out. She understands the venue timeline, she understands, you know, the videographer, photographer's timeline and such. So what we do is we tend to reach out to associate vendors, the dream team, if you will, in advance of the day. So we have that wedding planner mentality where we want to connect. We want them to reach out to us if they have any, you know, information that we're not aware of, and we want to connect prior. Again, it's setting up the DJ for. For success. So, you know, every venue is a little bit different, but the most recent example was everything was great, everything's a go.

And then, you know, the night of everything's good. Typically what happens with us is, is our MC is connecting with the venue, and they're just going through the timeline, making sure everything looks good. The speeches, the dinner service, everything, everything's locked in. And literally before he was up, my MC was going up to the podium to speak. He gets pulled aside. Person in the venue saying, no, everything we talked about is. Is a wash. We're going back to the original plan.

So, you know, we try our best to try and connect with the professionals to execute a beautiful, flawless event. But at the same time, you know, we see these situations where there's certain parts of the industry that might want to try and control. In this case, it was essentially catering. They wanted to have a certain way to do things, and it didn't align with our approach, even though we went over and above to, to try and make sure that we were all working off of that same timeline. And so, you know, my MC had to, you know, wing it a little bit. You have to be flexible and accommodating and, and communicate with a couple and, and sometimes understand that, you know, couples, couples can have that type A mentality or they can be super laid back. In this case, the couple was super laid back. They weren't as involved in that process, so they didn't really care how it played out.

They just wanted us to handle it and run the show. And that's what we did. We made it happen.

So what do you do when somebody on the day on site wants to change things that are not going to go well? I mean, you have the history, you have the experience to know that is just not. That just doesn't work that way. But. And I don't want to pick on anybody, but I've heard it a lot from people who, where there's a planner involved and the planner is that type A. Maybe they're not as experienced as some of the other vendors there, but they, you know, they want to assert their control over this. And you just know like that, that you just ruined the flow there. How does that conversation go?

It's a, it's a good one because I feel like so much of that can happen in advance of the day, but unfortunately, some things might come up. I've definitely seen the Wedding Planner that is incredible. In advance of the day. And then on the day anxiety hits and it's just like it has to go a certain way. Right. It's that again, it's sometimes that type A mentality. Right. And so, yeah, for us, it's having that open conversation around, you know, ultimately, what does the couple want? Because to us, that's the most important thing.

What does the couple want? What's going to be the best for guest experience. The best experience for the guests. Sorry. And. And ultimately come to the, to the resolution. As an emcee, we want to be able to. To help guide. Right.

And curate that flow appropriately. And usually the wedding planner allows us to do that. But yeah, like you said, we've seen scenarios where there's a little bit of that control and they want things in a certain way. Usually with us, though, we do so much work in advance that the day of is just a matter of handling the, you know, the little things that might come up, like dinner comes out a bit late or pictures go on, you know, Photography, you know, and so we adapt to that.

But yeah, and communication is really what it's about, you know, and like you said, best laid plans. You talked about it ahead of time, all that. You got it. We, you zig and zag on the day anyway. You're always going to be doing that.

Yeah.

I think, you know, what most vendors have to realize also is, you know, you're more likely to do business with those other vendors again, or I should say work with those other vendors again, than you are to work with that couple, obviously, because we don't want them to have to get married again. So let's, let's hope we're only working with them one time. But you do have the referrals and things. But, you know, we work with the people that make it easy to work with us. I remember when I used to do the wedding expos? Years ago, I would always get there and set up early, and then I would walk around, help other people set up.

Right.

Same Alan.

And when a trade show, I stay till the end of the trade show, I don't break down early. You know, all those things just to be a good partner. I remember a conference said to me years ago, you know, Alan, you're probably our most expensive speaker, but you're the easiest one to do business with. And I said, well, if I was the hardest to do business with and the most expensive, you wouldn't be talking to me because.

Right, right.

Again, we want to do business with people. And that's why you like working with a team that you know.

Right.

You like, you like showing up and seeing that photographer, that videographer that cater and go. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad it's you, you know, because you work well together. You know, do you unload your truck and then get out of the loading zone?

Right.

Do you just do things to help other people? That makes sense. I have this one DJ told me they always tell the photographer, hey, if you want to put some stuff here back by my console so you don't have to keep running back to the corner. Oh, it's easy. Oh, hey, thanks. You know, then you're also more likely to get the photos you want after the wedding. So, you know, listen, this is a life lesson. This is communication. Right.

I'm married a long time. When my son got married last year, one of the things I said in my two minute speech. Yes, it was two minutes, is that every day you wake up and you have a choice. You can be right or you can be happy.

Right.

Make a wise choice Right?

That's what it is. And then you also have to step back and say, okay, can I make this change? Is this really going to kill anything? Are you going to let your ego get in the way and say, no, I'm not going to do that? So this is just a life lesson in general. I am so laid back with this now. Like I told my son, you know, I said I'd rather be happy every day. I don't need to be right anymore. I don't. I just, I just don't. I'd rather wake up and go, I'm going to be happy today.

If I'm right, I don't care. I like to say I'm happily married, therefore it's always my fault. There you go. Well, Mark, thank you so much for this suggestion. Thanks for coming on and sharing some of your wisdom with us here. Communication. If you, if you guys are listening, go back to one I did a few years ago, a podcast. How much would you pay to make it go away? And that's the whole idea of if the customer is unhappy and, you know, if it took some money to make them go away, is that better than it eating you up for years? So go take a look at that.

Can't find it. Message me and let me know. But Mark, thanks for coming on. In the show notes, you'll be able to see links for Mark for his website and social media. You want to find out more about him, but I appreciate you with this suggestion. Keep the suggestions coming. Go to podcast alanberg.com Click the Ask Me anything button. Just got a suggestion yesterday on that as well.

Please be sure to subscribe. And if you're on Apple podcast, we could use a recent review. Thank you. Thanks, Mark.

Appreciate it. Alan.

I’m Alan Berg. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions about this or if you’d like to suggest other topics for “The Wedding Business Solutions Podcast” please let me know. My email is Alan@WeddingBusinessSolutions.com or you can  text, use the short form on this page, or call +1.732.422.6362, international 001 732 422 6362. I look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.

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Alan Berg, CSP, Global Speaking Fellow

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