EP 51: Tools to Create a Strong Relationship

Our goal is to give you tools and strategies to help you move from being stressed to feeling your best.

Our guests today are Dr. Hollie Brown and her partner Keegan O'Guedes.

Our topic today is forging a heart-based relationship with your partner.  We speak with Dr Hollie and Keegan about using HeartMath tools together to deal with rapid change and post-pandemic stress and explore the benefits of using this amazing tool as a couple.

Keegan is a music producer, audio engineer, and DJ among many titles. He was born in Ontario and now lives in Fredericton, New Brunswick. His time in the music industry so far has led him to working with such brands as Netflix and McDonald's.  Keegan has spent many years working with recording artists, one on one, to help them develop their music.

Dr. Hollie is a Family Chiropractic practicing in Fredericton. She believes we're all born with the innate intelligence within us and has a passion for helping people heal and thrive from the inside out. Her practice focuses on perinatal, pediatric, and women's health. While attending chiropractic school in Toronto, she met her best friend and partner Keegan. Today they enjoy traveling spending time in nature camping and practicing yoga. 

Transcript

SPEAKERS

Barb Fletcher, Keegan O'Guedes, Deb Timmerman, Hollie Brown

Deb Timmerman  00:00

You're listening to the Less Stress in Life Podcast. Your hosts, Deb Timmerman and Barb Fletcher are on a mission to help individuals and organizations manage stress and change. Together they bring you real conversations, inspirational stories, and strategies to help move you from being stressed to feeling your best. Hello, everyone, I'm Deb Timmerman. Welcome to our series of 52 Practical Tools for Less Stress in Life. This is episode 51.

Barb Fletcher  00:33

We're in the homestretch Deb! I'm Barb Fletcher. Our goal is to give you tools and strategies to help you move from being stressed to feeling your best. Our guests today are Dr. Holly Brown and her partner Keegan O'Guedes. Our topic today is forging a heart-based relationship with your partner. Keegan is a music producer, audio engineer, and DJ among many titles. He was born in Ontario and now lives in Fredericton, New Brunswick. His time in the music industry so far has led him to working with such brands as Netflix and McDonald's, we're all pretty familiar with those. Keegan has spent many years working with recording artists, one on one, to help them develop their music. Dr. Hollie is a Family Chiropractic practicing in Fredericton. She believes we're all born with the innate intelligence within us and has a passion for helping people heal and thrive from the inside out. Her practice focuses on perinatal, pediatric, and women's health. While attending chiropractic school in Toronto, she met her best friend and partner Keegan. Today they enjoy traveling spending time in nature camping and practicing yoga. Full disclosure, the three of us have spent some time together practicing some HeartMath techniques to self-regulate and become aware of emotions. Welcome, Keegan. And Dr. Hollie.

Keegan O'Guedes  02:10

Thank you. Thank you. excited to be here. Episode 51. Wow, Congrats, guys.

Deb Timmerman  02:16

Thanks. Tell us a little bit about how the two of you came together and how you formed a partnership.

Hollie Brown  02:23

Well, we were both on vacation in Cuba. So, I was there with a group of friends and Keegan was there with a group of friends. We actually were on the same flight.

Hollie Brown  02:37

And we met the first night there and we were pretty inseparable since then.

Keegan O'Guedes  02:44

Our groups just kind of formed that night. And then we hung out every day. And then we went back to Toronto. She was in school chiropractic school, and I was working and we just kept it going.

Deb Timmerman  02:58

What a great story. Yeah.

Keegan O'Guedes  03:00

Yeah, I live for a good story.  

Barb Fletcher  03:02

You didn't get together right away. There was a period of time, when Dr. Hollie you were living in Fredericton, and Keegan was living in Toronto.

Hollie Brown  03:15

Well, we actually lived together in Toronto together for a year and then I decided to come home to pursue my career in Fredericton, because that's where I'm from. And so, we did long distance until the pandemic hit. And then Key decided to move here.

Keegan O'Guedes  03:37

I was visiting here, it's a long story, but I was on one of my trips visiting her. And then the pandemic was rolling out real time for everybody. And then schools are getting shut down, and then airports were getting shut down. And then I got an email saying your flight. Like after your flight, the airports are closing down. So, I had to make a decision either. Am I going to fly back to Toronto to sit on my couch for the foreseeable future? Because no one knew how long any of that was going to last. Or should I just stick it out here and see what happens. And here we are two years later living in Fredericton, New Brunswick.

Deb Timmerman  04:17

That's a lot of change for the two of you in a really short period of time. Sometimes that creates some upheaval in relationships. Can you tell us what your stress struggles were, as the two of you came together? Other than everyone's stress struggle, which was the pandemic?

Hollie Brown  04:35

Yeah, I would say probably the biggest thing would be Keegan becoming accustomed to a much, much slower pace of life. And, you know, going from being a music producer in Toronto working with hip hop artists to come into little Fredericton were, really, there's not much of that. So that was definitely something that we had to navigate. And then of course, just do Dealing with the pandemic in general. So we had that major stress was then also just this other stressor of a lot of change, in general.

Deb Timmerman  05:08

You probably couldn't see patients during that time either. Could you? So, no work for either?

Keegan O'Guedes  05:15

No, no one was doing anything. I mean, in the beginning, I think this thing was happening where everyone at the beginning of the pandemic, everyone was going through so much change simultaneously, that it was kind of a relief almost, because the group, everybody globally is going through this change. So, it was this like, acceptance that it's not just me going through all this change, right now.

Deb Timmerman  05:38

There's power in that isn't there, knowing that you're not alone in this journey. But still, the struggle is you have to figure out how to make this work. So, is that where Barb came in? How did you get to Barb?

Hollie Brown  05:55

Barb, I guess, came in more recently. But I've known Barb for a longer time. So, Barbara, and I had a connection, before Keegan and Barb formed a connection. And then it's been more as of late that we've been working with Barb, and I knew that I wanted to do HeartMath. And I was like, Oh, well, this would be a great chance for the two of us to do it together. Because obviously, Keegan moved here just over two years ago but the same challenges still arise. Right? Being in in a smaller city and so we're always navigating that world. Barb has given us some amazing tools to help within ourselves, but also our relationship.

Deb Timmerman  06:43

Barb, normally we work with individuals. It's not often that we get to work with partners, or folks that are in a committed relationship. What was that like for you to be working with both of them simultaneously?

Barb Fletcher  06:59

Well, I was excited, because it takes a lot of courage for a couple to arrive and be vulnerable and be able to share what's actually happening with them on the inside with somebody that doesn't live in their household. There was a lot of gratitude for how they use the tools with some of the things that might appear mundane. But we know that if they don't have a resolution can create much more trouble in a relationship. So they were able to look at some of the simpler things. We worked with a biofeedback tool to determine the level of coherence and it was as simple as if the biofeedback tool wasn't left in a conspicuous place, it became forgotten. And so it was just those little nuances that I was just so appreciative that they could problem solve, but the benefits become exponential, because when two people understand these tools, not only do they benefit themselves, but the relationship blossoms as well.

Keegan O'Guedes  08:22

I like the word you use Barb, exponential, because it's like, if I were to just do this myself, then there would have been these tools and experience that I would have wanted to pass along to Hollie. But think about all the times you do something or take a course in your life or do this thing in your life  and then you want your partner to realize and experience and do it just like how you do it, but they don't typically just go on full board with it. But because we were doing it simultaneously, as a couple we were growing as tools we were getting to deal with the outside world. We were getting that together. Tools to deal with each other and talk about experiences. It was far greater than I think if either of us were just practicing this, it's exponential, and it's bigger than itself.

Hollie Brown  09:11

And another thing too, that we often talked about as having the same language and lingo, but when things did start to escalate, it was much easier to be able to get in coherence and use that language together so that we were in the same space. So not only were we benefiting ourselves individually, but also our partnership.

Barb Fletcher  09:33

Hollie, were there surprises that came as a result of doing this work in your relationship?

Hollie Brown  09:42

Yeah, I'll be like super vulnerable and open that. I was like really shocked at the very start when we did the questionnaire, how much Keegan and felt stress within our relationship versus I didn't so much feel that. So, it was kind of like eye opening, and that side of things. And I also think just having somebody to talk to like, we can have conversations between the two of us, but when there's somebody else there that worked speaking to and not necessarily one towards each other, you see a different side of things. I think like the way that Keegan was able to share things with you that maybe he wouldn't have just shared openly with me.

Barb Fletcher  10:23

Certainly, those tools create more empathy and compassion for yourself and for your partner. So, you're right, Holly, that does change.

Deb Timmerman  10:37

Also, that energetic alignment between the couple, I think that changes as well. Sometimes we don't take time to get on that same level as our partner. Maybe like my husband comes home, he comes in, he's still carrying the day, he hasn't had time to make that transition and I'm already asking him questions about how his day was. But when we use that language, like you said, and give each other some time to get into coherence, it changes the dynamic. You can feel the energetic shift between people.

Hollie Brown  11:10

Yeah, we even so much as incorporated and into our morning routine. So, we both woke up and used the device, like one after each other to get in coherence. And it kind of became like fun, because it was like, Oh, how was yours today? You know, and so it was like, interesting to see, I just like play with that together. Again, it's like being able to do that with somebody else, is such a different experience than just doing it on your own.

Deb Timmerman  11:41

So what's changed in your relationship, since you've been doing this work?

Hollie Brown  11:45

I think we can both agree that I think I'm able to come down a lot faster. I definitely have more of a reactive, I would say angry, kind of sometimes approach to things. And so, and maybe Keegan was aware of it before I even became aware of it, but he was like you're not reacting the same way that you use to react to things or, you know, things that used to make you escalate very quickly, don't seem to do that, or like even just within the relationship, being able to have calm, collected, meaningful communication.

Keegan O'Guedes  12:22

I think there is so much power and beauty in what she just said, because what she has learned through this process is such a deeper level of awareness of herself. It's so powerful, because like, you can't just tell somebody like, Oh, you're out of coherence, and you're not reacting a certain way, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But when you really get into the nitty gritty of the scientific and the tools and the this and the that she is such a completely different person after this, and can just deal with a lot more daily stresses then, then prior. So that was really cool to hear. 

Hollie Brown  13:03

Yeah.

Deb Timmerman  13:05

We all ride the waves of stress a little bit differently. And what you just said Keegan about evening out, I think that's the beauty of this practice, the stuff still happens. But we don't have the highs or the lows. It's just so much more of an even journey.

Keegan O'Guedes  13:24

But to be honest with you, you can have high- highs and low- lows but with this practice and these tools, you can even yourself out quicker than hanging on to the low -lows or the high- highs,

Barb Fletcher  13:40

What strategies to the two of you have to support each other when one of you is having a difficult time? I know that you talked about common language. Are there things that come up and you remind them or you support them? What is it that you do?

Keegan O'Guedes  14:02

Anything come to mind?

Hollie Brown  14:04

Yeah, I think we use our breath a lot more. So for example, like we had a little bit of a stressful situation externally on our relationship, not within but a phone call. And immediately after the phone call Keegan was like, let's just take some breaths, right? So it's like, as easy as going within, right? Like, we have the power to be able to regulate our nervous system and the awareness around that. So being able to just implement them, I think, has been a big thing.

Keegan O'Guedes  14:40

Yeah, life happens. And there's so much power and breath but I can't even regurgitate the scientific stuff I've heard but everybody knows, at least here today how much power there is in breath and in the moment you got to be adults and the bigger person and breathe through it and let it go and do just that and support the other person and then try to do the right thing, right?

Hollie Brown  15:03

I think both of us are very driven individuals within our own careers and so using the freeze frame has been super powerful for us to really kind of like manifest things in our life, whether it be individually or together.

Deb Timmerman  15:23

Do you want to share, Barb, a little bit about what freeze frame is for the people that are listening and don't know?

Barb Fletcher  15:29

Sure. So freeze frame is really about getting incoherent first, and then freezing the frame around that and just tapping into our awareness to understand what our intuition might have to offer on this subject. And our intuition is always going to get it right. Unfortunately, we've been discouraged, not to tap into it and not to listen to it. So when people become very efficient at tapping into it, using a tool such as freeze frame, they experience a whole lot more ease, awareness, and their path becomes much, much clearer. 

Deb Timmerman  16:12

Thank you.

Keegan O'Guedes  16:13

I think a quick note that might help some people is that Holly and I are both very entrepreneurial minded, and with these tools, you can really help accelerate, shifting and creating your own reality. Like there was one I forget what the exact title was Barb, but you get into coherence, you take some time, and you plan a situation in your mind and you plan the conversation you're going to have with somebody and how they're going to react, and you put that energy out there. And you'd be surprised at how boom, then that conversation happens. And then that thing happens, then things happen and you can you can influence the situation prior

Barb Fletcher  17:03

Our energy and our coherence influences those that we interact with every single day and so when we show up with a clean coherence,  around us, the others around us begins to feel like oh, that's a place I'd like to lean in, or perhaps even know more about. So I know, Dr. Hollie, that when you are working with people who are coming into a chiropractic office, most of them aren't coming in, because they're 100%. They're coming in because something's a bit off and so more coherence that you're able to achieve, the easier your day is likely to go.

Hollie Brown  17:48

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's a lot of energy coming into an office, right? Aa lot of like quick energy turnover and so it's important as a practitioner, that you show up for each one of your patients in a good space. So that was another thing that I did, something that Barb and I had chatted about, putting a little sticky note on my desk and so just quickly getting back into coherence between each one of my patients, which is an awesome tool to incorporate.

Deb Timmerman  18:18

How has your practice changed because of these tools, Dr. Hollie?

Hollie Brown  18:23

I just think that I'm in a better space. And we were chatting earlier about how our energy field affects other people's energy fields. And so I'm in a position where I really just want to facilitate healing for others and so in order for myself, to do that, I need to be in a proper space energetically. And sometimes it's easy to come out of that, so it's okay, if that happens, but just the awareness that comes with HeartMath of tapping back into coherence.

Deb Timmerman  18:54

What's one piece of advice that you could share Dr. Hollie, for couples who are struggling at this time? 

Hollie Brown  19:00

For one, vulnerability of understanding that and being okay with looking for maybe some external help in the sense of it doesn't always have to be counseling, but like this was a very positive tool for us to come to. We weren't struggling by any means, so you don't even need to be struggling. I think it's just going to augment any relationship for that matter, whether it be a partnership, whether it be a mom and her daughter or

Keegan O'Guedes  19:30

It wasn't even got the relationship but just something to help out. 

Hollie Brown  19:34

Yeah, I think any relationship for that matter could flourish and benefit from this type of thing. So I think being vulnerable and understanding that there's always room for improvement and seeking that out. We take a very like holistic and natural approach to our life in general. And this just really aligned, well. So, you know, we had already a lot of the lingo and practices but this gave us The tool to incorporate in our everyday life.

Deb Timmerman  20:03

Keegan, you can have anything to add to that?

Keegan O'Guedes  20:05

Breathe through it get into coherence. This what this is all about right?

Deb Timmerman  20:11

It's like the mantra to heal the world. Where do people connect with you? If they would like to have more information about your chiropractic practice or your music?

Hollie Brown  20:26

Yeah, we're both active on Instagram.

Keegan O'Guedes  20:29

What's your handle?

Hollie Brown  20:32

Healing home chiropractic. is my office and that's where you can find me on Instagram. It's also my website healinghomechiropractic.com. Or connect with me personally at H0l brown on Instagram.  

Keegan O'Guedes  20:44

That is H zero L BRWN. Just for people if they do want to reach out to her. Yeah, it'll be a wild goose chase. If you go looking for Hollie Brown, Instagram, and I'm on Instagram, I'm youknowkeegen y o u k n o w k e e g a n. You know me, it's me. You can find me on Instagram. If you want to talk, yeah, feel free.

Deb Timmerman  21:07

Awesome. We'll put the links to those in our show notes. We usually do a call to action. At the end of each of our podcasts, this podcast was super powerful and it's geared more toward partnerships and couples. What's the call to action for everybody listening to this?

Barb Fletcher  21:24

I think if people are struggling, and wondering if some of these tools might work for them, don't be afraid to step forward and see what might be available. Because relationships are, what it's all about. It's what we're meant to be connected and when that connection, either is a little bit weak. Or maybe it's not the way we'd like it to be. We just need to find tools and approaches to try and strengthen that.

Deb Timmerman  21:56

Yeah, and if you are already having a great relationship, deepening that with these tools is awesome. We use it in our house and I think we've been married now seven years. I can count on one hand the number of times that we've had a downright out argument and it was brief and we reset, but that isn't the norm for most people these days. So, reach out to us. Thank you so much for agreeing to share and be vulnerable. I think this is going to be a really great episode, and help a lot of people.

Keegan O'Guedes  22:32

Thanks for having us on.

Barb Fletcher  22:33

Thank you. Thank you.

Deb Timmerman  22:38

Less stress in life is possible. If you're new to this kind of thinking and we'd like to explore what's possible for you. We'd love to connect. You can reach us through our website at less stress in life.com. That's less stress in life.com