In this episode, we explore the intricate dynamics of managing disagreements within our marriage while maintaining a cohesive partnership. Anchored by prayer as our guiding principle, we examine our strategies and techniques to find common ground amidst differing viewpoints. By prioritizing open communication, empathy, and compromise, we illustrate how we strive to reach a balanced resolution that honors both individual perspectives and our shared commitment to unity.
Get ready for a heart-to-heart on keeping faith at the forefront while embracing the digital age, and how aligning with biblical values can guide your family through the complexities of today's parenting landscape. We're peeling back the curtain on how we tackle those make-or-break family decisions.
From setting boundaries on dating to managing screen time, we're sharing the strategies that keep us patient, prayerful, and united—even when we don't see eye to eye. With a little wisdom, a dash of biblical perspective, and the insights of trusted friends, we're taking you step by step through creating an environment that's not just about making the right choices, but also about growing in faith and love as a family.
Join us for a deep dive into cultivating a household where healthy debate leads to even healthier relationships.
Episode Highlights:
Sharing about how we resolve conflicts in our marriage.
How we handle decision-making in parenting.
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on A Force to Be Reckoned With:
In this episode, we explore the intricate dynamics of managing disagreements within our marriage while maintaining a cohesive partnership. Anchored by prayer as our guiding principle, we examine our strategies and techniques to find common ground amidst differing viewpoints. By prioritizing open communication, empathy, and compromise, we illustrate how we strive to reach a balanced resolution that honors both individual perspectives and our shared commitment to unity.
Get ready for a heart-to-heart on keeping faith at the forefront while embracing the digital age, and how aligning with biblical values can guide your family through the complexities of today's parenting landscape. We're peeling back the curtain on how we tackle those make-or-break family decisions.
From setting boundaries on dating to managing screen time, we're sharing the strategies that keep us patient, prayerful, and united—even when we don't see eye to eye. With a little wisdom, a dash of biblical perspective, and the insights of trusted friends, we're taking you step by step through creating an environment that's not just about making the right choices, but also about growing in faith and love as a family.
Join us for a deep dive into cultivating a household where healthy debate leads to even healthier relationships.
Episode Highlights:
Sharing about how we resolve conflicts in our marriage.
How we handle decision-making in parenting.
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on A Force to Be Reckoned With:
We are at war and it's not against our neighbors, spouses, children, politicians or whatever else we feel like we're battling against.
Speaker 2:
So the questions are who's the fight against, and are we winning or losing? We're the Adkins, and we are a force to be reckoned with.
Speaker 1:
Are you ready to join?
Speaker 2:
the force. Alright, back again. Today. We're talking about what do you do when you and your spouse don't agree, and we're gonna talk about that. It's gonna be a pretty quick episode.
Speaker 1:
We don't get into a fight?
Speaker 2:
No, but before I do, let's talk about one of our more recent disagreements, and I want to open with a little question. Okay, southwest Airlines. If you fly Southwest Airlines, you know that is, what is it called. The boarding Like, so you check in.
Speaker 1:
It's not like normal airlines where you get a ticket and you get an assigned seat. You don't have an assigned seat, you have a place in line and then, once you get on, you get to choose any seat you want.
Speaker 2:
So if you check in like exactly 24 hours on the dot, there's a pretty good chance that you're more toward the front of the line. If you forget to check in, you're toward the back and you're one of the last people to board, and then all that's left is middle seats.
Speaker 2:
But I'm not even going there, because we just traveled and Cory forgot to check us in one flight and we were in middle seats. And then also one of our flights got canceled and we were able to sit by each other, but it was full. So then we were faced with the question well, cory wanted an aisle, I wanted a window so that I could sleep. And it was like, okay, well, when this seat gets filled, babe, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna move to the middle so that we can sit by each other, or am I gonna move to the middle so we can sit by each other, or what? And he was thinking, I know, in his head you were thinking, oh, it's not gonna get filled.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And then a lady that caught him off guard and was like hey, can I sit there in the middle? And he freaking let the lady sit in between us for a four hour flight. I was so mad. I was like, first of all, selfish. My love language is quality time. We have four hours on a flight with each other, no kids, and you choose to put a lady in between us. And, second of all, you have the only iPad, so I'm left with nothing. You get to watch TV and I.
Speaker 1:
All right, first off I don't remember what I was doing, but I was doing something on my phone when it happened and I had to make like a split decision really quickly. And second off, you told me you were gonna work on tax stuff.
Speaker 2:
I shut. The wifi didn't work. Anyways, I shut daggers across that plane all four hours. So mad. But that's not a funny thing, is? I have this question written down as like an icebreaker question before this even happened, because I want to know what my this scenario before it took place. Yes, my question was as families. If you fly Southwest you get family boarding, so you board after the ace, so you get pretty much that, so you can guarantee that you sit with your family.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
So my question is what's your Southwest airline boarding strategy? We had one pretty nailed down when we had our three kids, so we're just gonna go with that. Because there's five people in our family, we take up almost two rows with one open seat. But if it's a full flight. What's your strategy?
Speaker 1:
for that. Nobody likes to sit by kids.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so here's here's. People have different strategies for this, but and actually I heard somebody just talk about this on a podcast- oh really. But they didn't use our strategy.
Speaker 2:
Okay, that strategy that I normally use, oh, interesting, so Our strategy is kind of the best.
Speaker 1:
So yeah, so our strategy is to take up as much space as you can in-.
Speaker 2:
As big as you can.
Speaker 1:
In this seat split the we. Actually we split the adults up. We put the most active kids in, so we put two of them that are a little more calm in the row that we're gonna take up the whole thing we don't have to worry about. And then the one where we would have an open seat.
Speaker 2:
we put the most active kid in there, we don't give them so that when people are walking by, we just make sure Maya is screaming her head off.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And then nobody wants to flip it.
Speaker 1:
We don't give them their iPads or then notebooks, we don't give them anything that they can do, yet we let them just kind of run wild a little bit right there in the seat and we don't make eye contact. You don't make eye contact at all. I've heard other people use a strategy which also works if the plane is full. So if the plane is, you know that there's gonna be no seats open at all. You look for somebody that's smaller to come and sit with.
Speaker 2:
I wouldn't mind sitting by a kid.
Speaker 1:
Right in that situation. Yeah, you could sit by a kid or you look for, like maybe a smaller female not somebody that's gonna take up two seats.
Speaker 2:
Okay, babe, I'm just saying it's true, no it is true, and like if it's not a full flight. Other strategies are, like you said take up a lot of space. You can like if Corey and I are flying together on vacation and we know that there's not a full flight, so we want to keep that middle seat open so that I can have my window, he can have his aisle and then if we wanna like hold hands for 30 seconds, we can. You put your bag on the seat.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you put the armrests up, you kind of spread out into them.
Speaker 2:
You sort of like kissing each other.
Speaker 1:
Okay, no, we don't do that. We do not do that. We don't do that. You would never do that.
Speaker 2:
But anyway, we're curious, you're the least PDA person ever. We're curious what is your Southwest Airlines strategy? So I don't know where you'll share it.
Speaker 1:
And our last strategy actually that we just used is we had bought in a couple of burritos. We put our trays down, we started just we spread out, we started just munching down them burritos. Yeah, like, oh, now, man, you can't sit here. We got a whole thing going on, willie and convenient oh.
Speaker 2:
Willie man, what you ever gonna do. But you know, the last thing that you wanna do is put a lady in between you and your wife Because she was an older lady. No, it's not because of that, it's just because, like I'm like really Like you set whatever, you didn't want to sit by me. Okay, hold on, you're calling me selfish for not moving to the middle and I also said you could have said, babe, why don't you scoot over and give her the window?
Speaker 2:
but Scoot over and give her the yeah, put me in the middle, so I'm sitting you could have done that you could have asked, you did okay so what do you guys do?
Speaker 1:
it either You're saying I could have moved, you could have moved.
Speaker 2:
What do you guys do when you and your spouse don't agree? That's what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1:
I don't know if he's gonna work for this, I mean honestly, we're not marriage experts.
Speaker 2:
We've only been married for like 13 years and Almost we'll never be experts, but we've been married for a while, so we're just gonna share. And the reason we're sharing this is because on this episode we're gonna be talking about A lot of things that we've navigated over the last couple years as a family, because the heart of the podcast is to find families, navigate Christian challenges that we all face, create a community of people, like-minded people, and rise up and be a force to be reckoned with. So with that come some Challenges that we've talked through and worked through over the last couple years, and most of them, I would say, we started off not on the same page, a lot of them so like hold on, before you say what we did, why don't we say where we used to do?
Speaker 2:
Okay okay.
Speaker 1:
So If we used to have a disagreement about something, and even if it, and especially if it was something about one of the kids was asking for to be able to do, we would just have it out, we would go at it. We'd be going back and forth, taking shots at each other in front of the kids.
Speaker 2:
You know usually ended with me leaving.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and with Beth going down the road and then me be like you can't just leave right now I'm on a roll and I would just hammer and hammer and hammer, just try to Beat her to the ground with like logic and she would come back with these real emotional things and go for the freaking balls.
Speaker 2:
Oh my god, you did talk about that on here.
Speaker 1:
Okay, what do you want me? To say go for the throat she would go for the scrotumis maximus Every time.
Speaker 2:
I'm really good at going for the throw like, but dig in.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and stuff's not even true, it's just rude and then, and then she would leave and I'm like we're not done yet and I'd be like, oh yes, we are and she would go, and I'm like all right, well, I'm gonna call you 20 times.
Speaker 2:
Get you up back here, where you going.
Speaker 1:
What are you doing? We're not done. Get back here. Oh, click, hang up. Oh, I'm calling you.
Speaker 2:
Oh, now she's not answering.
Speaker 1:
It's like nah, we're gonna finish this right now. The bible says don't go to bed angry. So, yeah, we're gonna solve this right now. I'm tired.
Speaker 2:
No, I don't want to talk about this right now.
Speaker 1:
We're gonna fight until you agree with me.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so safe to say it's been. Where's what's the count say over there? It's been 64 days since our last incident.
Speaker 1:
I was like I thought there's a real count. I'm like what do you count?
Speaker 2:
No, but Really so when? Okay, let's just, let's just get to it, because we've, we've, we've worked through a lot and we're a lot better than we used to be, but still not perfect. So most recently, one of our topics at hand has been we have an 11 year old and the thing is we're parenting in An age that nobody's ever parented before, and I'm sure our parents have the same thing. But technology has made things a lot more complex, a lot more complicated. I mean even it's being implemented in schools, and so I think because of that, kids are Doing things at 11, 12, a lot sooner, like what they were. They're doing things at 11 12 that we would have done at like 15, 16, 17, and it's been a big Paradigm shift, and so some of them.
Speaker 2:
As a Christian family, first of all, some of the things that we talked about, you guys, I always want to encourage you, like you should always take Whatever these topics are back to your spouse and it's like good conversations to talk through, because everybody lands somewhere different. Like a lot of these things, it's not a right and wrong thing, it's you have to go off of, first of all, biblically, what is right, but then, even from there, you have to follow your convictions, because it's not black and white always.
Speaker 1:
And the hard thing is Is it's not like we can just like go to our parents or go to you know, somebody that's older than us as kids, older than us on some of these things, right, because like they didn't, you know, they had their own Different scenarios but like you know, whether it's you know video games or cell phones or whatever, like we didn't have that.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
You know, like we were just talking, like when I grew up and I know we're not gonna deep dive into the topic, but like when I grew, when we grew up, like my first cell phone you texted with T9, like you didn't have access to anything. And now, like you can get a kid a full on smartphone that has access to the internet and Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat and all these things.
Speaker 2:
And that's very normal.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
For I mean, there's like eight year olds with that, and so it's about figuring out what works for your family and what you guys ultimately agree on. But the first thing that I'll say is when we just a couple of pointers, which a lot of you guys might know this, but like when we have something so recently which we'll talk about dating later, but our most recent one, that took probably about a month and a half before we came to an agreement on where we're landing with this, it's like, first of all, how do we have a kid who is talking about wanting to date? I think that was the first shock, like we're just not prepared for this. And yeah, so one I would say you can't make just a gut.
Speaker 2:
When it's something complex like that and you want to have good, open communication and good relationships with your kids, you have to be willing to truly consider it. So the first thing is like when, when our kids bring things to us, or when our spouse brings something to us, we can't just make a snap decision. We have to be willing to pray about it and talk through it. Second, I would say be willing to be open with the fact that it's could take some time to come to an agreement. So, and you should have a conversation with your kid.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, about that. Well, it's not just kids.
Speaker 2:
I mean, even like, if your spouse brings you something and it is so much like, so worse, we get so set in our ways of like this is right and this is wrong, and we also have to be willing to acknowledge that. Like, yeah, that might have worked when you were being raised and you might have completely agreed with the way that your parents raised you, but we're living in a different age right now and so, like, even if your spouse brings something to you, it's okay to be like all right. Here's where I'm at right now, and I know that we're not in agreement, but I want you to know. The next thing that you said is I'm thinking through it and I'm praying about it, so I think the next thing is to truly pray about it.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, To pray about it, seek God's guidance and but also like gather all the information and just make that snap decision.
Speaker 2:
That's the next point. The next point is, obviously, when you're praying about it, you're looking at it through a biblical lens, so you want to figure out, like, what does the Bible say about this, what is true, and then pray, ask God to give you wisdom, because in the Bible it says that he will give us wisdom if we seek that. And then the next thing is I do think it's okay to talk to other trusted people about it. And so for us, often, like with this dating scenario, corey and I were on completely different pages. We didn't have an agreement. So we were willing to say, all right, well, we're not.
Speaker 2:
Our kids were like, okay, well, what's the answer? And so we had to go to our kids and say, well, we're not going to come to a decision tonight. And then the next night they were like what's the answer? And we're like, well, we still haven't come to a decision. And, like I said, it took about a month and a half where we couldn't come to an agreement. So because of that, there was no, no decision, so there's no decision until there's an agreement.
Speaker 2:
We prayed about it, we talked about it and then also we went and talked through it with some friends. So in similar phases.
Speaker 1:
But even before that, like we heard, we got the information from our kids too. Like why do you want to do this? You know what does this mean to you. What does this look like to you? Right, and then also, if you and your spouse even if it doesn't, if it's something that doesn't involve kids same thing, like, don't just be so quick to shut them off. Hear what their viewpoint is on it, their take on it, their opinions on it too. Like, gather all the information, see where they're coming from. Right, and then you can also, yeah, seek some guidance from. You know trusted friends, pastors, parents. You know even podcasts, different resources in different perspective, because online resources- this is where it comes in.
Speaker 2:
It's like there are so many interesting and unique perspectives and so many different ways to do things and, honestly, none of them are right or wrong. You have to figure out what is best, what works best for you guys and what your comfort level is. And I also think, when it comes to kids, it varies kid to kid and their maturity level. And so, just like what Corey said, when you and that person are at a disagreement, so like if Corey and I aren't agreeing and it's something that our kid is asking for, it's so good, just like you said, to hear their heart and their why behind it.
Speaker 2:
We had this with video games, with dating, with cell phones, and sometimes, you know, we heard their perspective and we were like you know what, you're right, and we were a little bit off base here, and so here is the, this is where we landed. And then other times it was like you know what, we hear your heart and we hear what you're saying, but still, this is a safe decision for you. So we're gonna, we're gonna stay where we land and so, right, one of the go ahead.
Speaker 1:
And ultimately it comes from, you know, our biblical worldview of ultimately our job is to raise kids that are, that have a great relationship with Jesus but can function in the real world. So sometimes it is just like protecting that kid from whatever this thing or decision is, because they're just not mature enough, they're not old enough or they haven't really shown themselves to be that way yet. And then other times it's like, okay, they might be ready for this or okay with it and they're gonna mess up. Right, they're gonna mess it up, they're gonna do something wrong on it. But we also, like, need to allow our kids to mess up in a controlled environment with some of these things and then be able to coach them through it.
Speaker 1:
Because if you just say no, no, no, once they hit you know 18 or whatever and move out of your house, they can literally they can. And I tried explaining to my kids like you can choose whatever you want, and I'll use myself even as an example. It's like guys, I can choose to eat whatever foods I want, I can choose to watch as much TV as I want. I can choose to. I could choose to own a video game system and play as much as I want, but there's consequences to it. You gotta have self control with these things. So it's like you've got to give them this chance to kind of experiment with it now while they're in under your care and under your supervision, before they get out in the real world, and just it's a free-for-all.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, totally yeah, and so I think the last really point that I would say is that be willing to accept that often you're gonna land on somewhere in the middle and be okay with that. Like I think that one of our biggest issues in the very beginning was that we wanted to win, so we weren't fighting. We were literally fighting to win and we weren't fighting for resolve, and so when we wouldn't agree on something, it would just there was never any resolve because you wanted to be right and I wanted to be right and then there was no resolution. But so many of these scenarios which again in the coming weeks, we're gonna actually talk through kids and dating and boundaries in your marriage and like I'm excited for the boundaries in marriage one because I think it's a topic that so many Christian couples it's uncomfortable to talk about because you don't wanna come off like a prude, but it's all about like respecting and loving your spouse, and I'm really excited to talk about that.
Speaker 2:
But anyway, all that to say. Like so many of these things, it's been finding a middle ground and being willing to be like okay, you know, I hear your perspective here, so let's meet somewhere in the middle. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and sometimes it's not. Sometimes the other person comes around, or the other person's viewpoint too, it just depends. Each situation is different, but at the end of the day, you need to hear each other out, agree that you don't have to make a decision right in the moment, pray about it and seek good Christian counsel about it, and then you can come back together and make a decision.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I would say that, when it comes to decision time, we our general rule of thumb is that there's no final decision until we've found some type of resolve, if it's something that there's like a time constraint with it then you just gotta do it quicker.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, usually I feel like usually we've just known that there's time constraint, we come to resolve quicker. But if there's ever something that there is a time limit and it's something that we're like, what if we shift this and we don't come up with an agreement on the change, we generally will leave things as is.
Speaker 1:
I will say usually, if there's a time constraint to it, it's a smaller decision.
Speaker 2:
It's not usually a bigger decision. Or are we gonna go on vacation this year?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, maybe, or like, can someone so stay the night? Yeah, like it's like. Eh, you know it's not gonna be the end of the world if you make the wrong decision on that one.
Speaker 2:
Right, right, okay. So hopefully this was helpful. If it wasn't, you'll hear us working it out live on the air as we navigate these different scenarios that we've walked through over the last year, because often, like I said before, corey and I were on complete different ends of the spectrum. So we are kind of gonna take those stances and debate the topics and our different perspectives, live and then share with you guys where we landed and why we landed there, giving you guys like some tools and a little bit of perspective and some ideas on how to take this home and sit down with your spouse to talk through them as well.
Speaker 1:
And figure out where you guys land. What if we just agree on the topic?
Speaker 2:
Then we'll share why we agreed. But I mean, let's be real, a lot of times we haven't agreed and we've had to come to the middle ground. So anyway, we hope you guys have a good week. Thank you for joining us. We would love it if you shared the show. We're just so excited to continue building a community of families and being a force to be reckoned with.