A Force To Be Reckoned With
A Force To Be Reckoned With
205. When God Says ‘Go!’ with Wendi Cross
Are you willing to step into the unknown with God at the reigns?
Meet Wendi Cross, our remarkable guest whose story of adopting her son from Ethiopia is a beacon of hope and resilience. Wendi sheds light on the trials and victories her family faced. Her powerful journey, detailed in her book "Not Forgotten," is a moving testament to the strength and determination required to finish strong as parents despite the odds.
Have you ever felt a calling that others couldn't understand? Wendi shares about the profound importance of following God's will, even when it defies conventional wisdom. Drawing inspiration from biblical narratives like Noah's, we dive into the necessity of keeping certain divine callings private, sharing them only with those who will support and pray for you. Whether it's adoption, starting a new venture, or any faith-driven endeavor, our conversation underscores the value of wisdom, patience, and aligning your goals with biblical principles.
Family dynamics can be complex, especially when spiritual warfare is involved. Wendi opens up about her experiences balancing her children's unique needs and the adjustments she made to create a harmonious home environment. Her story of redemption and healing, particularly with her son Neb, highlights the transformative impact of faith and prayer.
Tune in for valuable insights and encouragement for parents navigating similar paths, and be inspired by Wendi's dedication to ministry and advocacy through collaborative efforts with her son.
Episode Highlights:
- Intro to Wendi Cross.
- Wendi’s adoption story.
- Keep your circle close.
- Following God’s call on your life.
- Discerning the voice of God.
- God provides where He guides.
Find More on Wendi Cross:
Links Mentioned in Episode/Find More on A Force to Be Reckoned With:
- Jointheforce.us
- Follow us on Instagram @bethanyadkins
- Find us on Youtube!
This show has been produced by Adkins Media Co.
We are at war and it's not against our neighbors, spouses, children, politicians or whatever else we feel like we're battling against. So the questions are who's the fight against, and are we winning or losing? We're the Adkins and we are a force to be reckoned with.
Speaker 1:Are you ready to join the force. All right, hi everyone, and welcome back for another week of a force be reckoned with. Um, I'm here today, cory is, but I'm excited that we have a very special guest this week with an incredible story, and so we're going to dive into that. Her name is Wendy Cross. She is a speaker, an author, she's part of a really awesome ministry and she has a very powerful story that I just cannot wait for her to share with you guys today. So welcome, wendy.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me. I love the title of Forced to be Reckoned. Yes, yep, that's all parents in this season of life, and so, hey, let's do this. I'm excited.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we'll even say like, yeah, it's for families, but also I'll just look at my kids. Sometimes I'm like man you guys are there, of course, to be reckoned with too, and sometimes that is not a good thing.
Speaker 2:Hey, we're our biggest prayer in life right now, my husband and I. So we have six kiddos and our youngest is adopted, so he's 13, and it's been a challenging road for us, and he knows it. He says, oh, this is hard, you know. So he came to us very ill and exposed to methamphetamines, and so he has a crazy, crazy healing story. But, um, our biggest prayer in life right now, in having um, four of our adult children have launched. We're already grandparents, and then we have our youngest. Um is 13. Uh, he's a force to be reckoned with, for sure, and it's been a real tough journey, and so our biggest prayer has been God, will you help us finish strong as parents Like, help us be present, help us not grow weary in doing good, help us be available to him and let us finish this race strong.
Speaker 1:My gosh. That is such a good and powerful prayer and I needed to hear that. Like we've been talking a lot this is off of off topic already, but we'll get on on track a lot about like we're in a new phase of parenting. We don't have infants anymore, we have a 12 year old, a nine year old and a three year old and just like it's a new phase of life and finding your footing in these new things and you now have your youngest is a teenager, and so I can only imagine being at that point after six kids and just feeling a little maybe weary or just tired or even just like in a groove, like we've done this six times, but having like fighting the fight with intention is, yes, that's incredible.
Speaker 2:Intentionality is is a word we use so often my husband and I, you know, in our face-to-face conversations is when this is getting so tough and you know, when you launch kiddos and you know four have left our home already and and we're so proud of them, but we have two left, our only girl. She's 16 and absolutely precious. She's going into her senior year of high school and then our youngest is going into eighth grade and there's an aspect of loneliness that the littles feel when all the bigs leave, when you're used to a really large family, and then all your brothers are gone and then you know, it almost feels like birth order changes. Really, when our oldest now is 16, in the home she feels like the burden of being the oldest, and then our youngest is like hey, where's all my people? And so we're having to entertain more than we've had to entertain in years.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, that's crazy to think about, but so just cool the way God knits our stories together and it's called Not Forgotten. I'm about halfway through and it is so good. I don't want to spoil too much, so I'll just let you kind of start. You said that you have six kids. Maybe share a little bit about your family and leading up to what brought you to writing this book.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Not Forgotten. It's our family's journey, but specifically our oldest son, who was adopted from Ethiopia. He came home to us in America when he was 12. And at the time we already had four bio kiddos, so we had three boys and a girl at home. My husband went on a mission trip to Ethiopia with somebody that he had played football with and we were supporting this children's home, and he basically came home and said you know, our lives will never look the same. He's like I just experienced what it looks like for children who live in orphanages. I experienced the emotional burden of them waiting for families and he just said our lives will never look the same. And I'm praying, oh Lord, because our license plate actually said game over. I was so done having kids, but you have to know. You have to know never tell God game over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh man, that is so true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh man, that is so true, yeah. And so he had actually a photo album of all of the children in Ethiopia that were in this children's home waiting for families, and our commitment as a family was to begin praying for each kid by name, for them to either be reunified with biological family or, if they were a true orphan, to find their forever family, to find their adoptive family. And so we had gotten to the page of this 11-year-old little boy at the time. His name was Nebu and my husband began to share his story with us, and he's the oldest boy in the children's home. He has seen it fill up and empty out twice because nobody wants to adopt an older boy. There's no hope of reunification. Both his mom and dad have passed away, so he's a true orphan. And you know he's lost hope because in a year the age his age is too high to be adopted legally and so he only has a year left, and so he's lost hope. And I just we prayed for him.
Speaker 2:And then that night I couldn't sleep and our oldest biological son at the time was the same age he was 11. And I just looked at my husband and I actually woke him up. I said hey, I think we're praying for something that we're supposed to be the answer to. I think nephew is supposed to be our son and oh, I get so choked up already. But he just said he like sat up in bed and he said if you are willing to start the paperwork tomorrow. I didn't want to ask you, you said game was over, but if the Lord lay that on your heart, that is a big fat yes for me. Like go for it.
Speaker 2:And so the next morning I called everyone in every place and everything and just started working toward an international adoption. We had no idea what we were getting into, what we did. We did really rely on the wisdom of God and this is so crazy, bethany but the Lord told us not to share that information until Nebu knew we were coming for him and we couldn't figure out why. Like, we had a small group of people that were praying for us during the process, but we couldn't figure out why. Like, we had a small group of people that were praying for us during the process, but we couldn't figure out why. And then we realized after, when we had announced this huge announcement, that our family was expanding we were bringing home a 12 year old little boy.
Speaker 2:People were like what have you guys done? You have lost your minds. And all the people we thought would support us were were. They thought we were crazy and they didn't. And then all the people we thought would be like you've lost your mind were the ones that were like heck, yeah, like let us help. And it was a hard, hard season. We lost friends, like we had family, we things were exposed to us, even some racism, like things we had never imagined in a million years were exposed. Because when fear rises and people are like what if, what if, what if? The ugly comes.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, I can relate to that on so many different levels, very specifically and recently with our journey of foster care People, you know, everybody just has a difference of opinion and I actually underlined that very part in that. You can see me over here flipping pages and just talking about how, if, like asking for advice, and how you felt convicted to kind of protect that and keep it very, very private with your very close knit circle, and I think there's so much value in even sharing that small piece of your story and just that when God is leading you somewhere, not everybody's going to get it and that's okay. And that's where it's so important to find your people, and that can be like one or two. It doesn't have to be this big group of people, it's just those who are going to go and be in the trenches with you and pray for you and support you, whether they understand it or not.
Speaker 1:A really good friend of mine who has been through foster care I don't know if she is like the originator of this, but she says this often to me and to other people that they're in life, they're going to be people who love you and they're going to be people who get you and not always do those two things overlap. Sometimes it's the people who love us most who give us the most resistance when God is calling us to something. But right after that you wrote when God says go, he makes a way, and despite the resistance, despite all of the obstacles. And so I'm just wondering if you can speak to that at all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think we can look to the most useful resource ever in the word of God and we can look back on every crazy story, like let's just start with Noah. He was called to build an art when there was no storm, right? He was called to do these things in faith, without ever knowing the weight of what he was going to get to carry and the benefit at the end. And had we listened to all the what ifs, like Noah, if we had listened to all the what ifs, we wouldn't have walked out this journey and not forgotten, would have never been written and I don't know what that story would have looked like. But, more importantly, god would not have been glorified in all of this had we not been willing to do it, afraid, had we not been willing to say, yes, lord, send me. Not even knowing if this would work out. Because I think in every journey that we walk in in faith, and most of the time when God calls us to something in faith, most people won't understand it, because faith is believing without seeing. It's like it looks crazy, the big, huge things God calls us to in life that look different than everyone else. It's most of the time the Lord, because we're not like signing up to be crazy on purpose. We're just fully surrendered. Yeah, we're fully surrendered to his will for our lives and we're like man, I don't want to miss out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're fully surrendered to his will for our lives and we're like man, I don't want to miss out.
Speaker 2:I want to see how this story ends like, because we know it ends good. We know that when we follow his will, and so my encouragement would be to do it afraid and exactly what you said Keep it close and you know those prayer words in your life that are going to be willing to pray hard for you and and help you through the rough waters, like if you will ask for prayer, hey, we're considering this. Or you know, I think there's wisdom in meeting with you, know pastors or Christian mentors that share the same faith with you and saying, hey, we're thinking through this, but we really feel called to it. And I think that's the main thing we have to say is I really believe this is the Lord saying Nebu is our son. And if I believe this is the Lord saying Nebu is our son, and it's aligned with the word of God, like care for the orphan, take care of the fatherless, like that's his word. I don't think I'm off. I don't think I'm off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so powerful and so good, and I'm just thinking of somebody out there listening to this episode. Maybe it might not be adoption, it might not be anything to do with growing your family, it could just it could be a business idea or writing a book. We were right before we hit record. We were having a little bit of small talk just about your book journey and how God lays things on our heart. What would you say? This is kind of maybe a hard question, maybe not, but like what would you say? How do you discern that? Because we're also emotional people and I know that I am too Like sometimes I'll be like, yeah, maybe God's asking me to do this, and then at the end of the day, it's like, nope, that was just you and a crazy idea. How do you kind of sift through the emotions and truly discern what God is calling you to do? Is it taking it back to those people, or what does that look like?
Speaker 2:I think yeah, I think for us it looks a little bit different each time, but I think when we're in line with the will of God and you know, in the Bible it says if you ask for wisdom he gives it, or if you knock he answers and especially if we're reading his word. And so here's just a side note and encouragement to the busy mamas who have kiddos running everywhere and who are like, oh, I really want to rise at 5 am and read the Bible and I can't. I remember that season, I remember being in that place where I just I couldn't. But if you can make hearing the word of God priority, like even on Audible now, and just like playing it or having it playing, or fall asleep listening to it, I don't care. But when we're hearing the word of God, I think it's so much easier to discern his will for our lives, because it's the whole word of God, is instruction to us. It really is. And so I would say does it line up with with what he calls us to as believers? Is it biblical? Like, for me I said, he tells us to care for the orphan and widow. He calls us to take care of the fatherless, like, read Isaiah 58. You know it's like this is a mandate for believers. Now, not everyone's called to adopt, but hey, we're all called to care for the fatherless. So what does that look like? Sometimes it means dropping off a meal to a family that is adopting or something like. We get to be a part of all this as believers and we all play a different part. Something like we get to be a part of all this as believers and we all play a different part. So I say, reading the word, trusting that when you're asking for wisdom he will, and then being okay with his calling in your life to take a long time. When he calls us to something, it doesn't mean go today. I think the biggest thing we can discern as believers is is there peace around it and is there grace? Like, is the grace sufficient for today? Because when he called me to write Not Forgotten, it wasn't for that. It wasn't for that moment. It marinated for about five years.
Speaker 2:I knew I was writing the book of our adoption journey, but I also knew there was still a lot of healing that I was waiting on the Lord for in regards to Nebu's story. When God called me to write Not Forgotten, we were in the hardest season of parenting, neb, that we had ever been in. He was running away, he was not thriving. It would have looked like a failed adoption had I wrote the story in that moment. But I knew we were writing the story and I was like Lord, your grace is enough. So if I have to write a story about a failed adoption, you tell me when. But if I get to write a story about an adoption that you redeem and us staying in the thick of it when it's real, real hard, like I can't wait to write it and I'm believing you for that- hard, like I can't wait to write it and I'm believing you for that.
Speaker 1:So such an encouragement because it's almost, yeah, just like what you said. God might call us to write a story, but he is still in the process of of writing it himself. So sometimes he might put a dream or a call on our heart, letting us know that that's something that's to come and it's a conviction in us, but that we still have more refining and more fires to walk through before that story is complete. And I mean, I know it's never complete, you know you're still navigating your relationship. But, yeah, just knowing being okay with the not yet, I guess, is a really good encouragement, especially for parents and families in the thick of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I remember, to be honest. I remember 20 years ago I was sitting in a women's conference and I knew that the Lord was going to have me write and speak. I knew it and I got super excited about it and I thought it was for right then and I had like so many babies at home I'm not going anywhere. You know what I mean. And so I would also say this if you feel called to something, you can begin to prepare. And the Bible says don't despise the small beginnings, and so that means, like when you do have some free time, like don't turn on the TV I know this is so hard because we're tired but like, read a good book or listen to an audible, or, look, start watching some of your favorite speakers. For me, that's what I knew I was called to. So I think there's you know there's there's parents out there that are maybe called to start a business. So like, do some financial classes online. Like take your, take your free time as little as it is and invest it in something that leads to what you believe you're called to, and you don't have to run ahead of God, but begin to invest and so into that place that you feel that God may be calling you and it's not wasted. It's all you learning and then you just never know what he's going to water and what's going to grow. It's like it's our journey with mission work, you know, with with X Hope. You asked about our nonprofit. It's X Hope, it's Christ's Hope.
Speaker 2:When we started that in 2011, I was directing a children's home in Uganda with 12 kids in a rental. We were not approved by the government. Everything was going wrong. I had to relearn everything and we walked into that journey in faith. And then now we own two pieces of property a children's home, a guest house, a school, a church, a farm. We've reunified 29 kids. We have hired thousands of Ugandans. Like it's unbelievable what the Lord has done and the amount of people he has brought to be a part of this mission work. And it started with the littlest.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh man, that is incredible. And just taking one small step of faith at a time and being okay with being a student in the waiting yes, really cool. So, our ex-hope is is that near where Neb was? No, this is so crazy.
Speaker 2:Everyone always asks this. It's so confusing. In fact, I just had an influencer share not forgotten on her story and she knows I'm in Uganda four times a year. So she's like this is her son adopted from Uganda? I'm like, actually, he's from Ethiopia, but yeah, so on the trip that my husband went on to Ethiopia where he met Nebu and we were praying for those kids, on that same trip, they went and spent some time in Uganda and there was a children's home there that needed extra support, and so what we wanted to do is come in in Uganda and do what they were doing in Ethiopia and kind of mirror it, and so that's how that happened.
Speaker 2:We just came in initially as supporters and partners, and then it became our children's home, and so we have completely restructured. We have a different mission and vision of reunification instead of adoption, because 90% of orphans in Uganda are able to be reunified with their family and not they don't need to be adopted to another country, and so that has been a super encouraging journey for us to see so many kids placed back with their biological families.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that, especially overseas. You don't hear that narrative very often. That you don't hear, so that's very cool, okay. So back to bringing Neb home, what? What was next in your story? So you guys felt, called to adopt, you received pushback, obviously you, you did adopt him. So what's the next I guess tentpole moment that you want to hit on in your story?
Speaker 2:So we brought Nebu home when he was 12. And this is just cool to know. God always provides where he guides. And so as we went, right before we were leaving, the most uncommon people gifted us an amount of money that allowed for us to purchase a plane ticket for our oldest biological son to also go on the trip. So there's six months apart, our oldest biological son to also go on the trip. So there's six months apart.
Speaker 2:And we didn't realize the importance of Colby, our oldest bio son, going with us to get Neb. But I tell you what it was probably the best surprise that God, that God, did in that time, because their attachment was immediate and Colby, our son, got to see where Neb was coming from. So he very much understood when we brought Neb home, why it was so hard for him to adjust and the things that were really difficult for Neb. Colby would just come alongside and just be his best friend and partner and include him in everything. There was so much grace and love shared between the two of them, and I know that's because Colby got to go on that trip with us. So we didn't even plan that. But again, when you're following the Lord's leading, he just surprises you with amazing gifts and you're like whoa, we didn't know we needed that. But God did and made it happen. And so we brought Neb home. He attached to Colby. They shared a room, they shared a soccer team, they shared a room, they shared a soccer team, they shared friends, they shared the school, they shared all the things and they did really well together.
Speaker 2:However, our attachment with Neb was much more difficult, especially mine. So you'll read in the book that he attached pretty easily to Rick, my husband. My husband just has this. He's just the largest and most loving teddy bear you could ever meet, and Neb loved that for the most part. And then I'm completely extrovert. I am a doer, I love to be in all the things and I was a lot for Neb to handle and I didn't know that he couldn't speak English. So I was like why is this kid so ungrateful that he couldn't speak English? So I was like why is this kid so ungrateful? And so the way I was seeing Neb in so many like me trying to show love to Neb, he was not able to receive it at all. So we were just missing the mark for years. Honestly, and the more I tried, the more Neb was for the love, like leave me alone. So it was tough.
Speaker 1:And what a hard age too, like I would imagine, at any age that would have come up, but especially at 12, I have a 12 year old right now and man I he's my biological son, and that's hard sometimes. So how did you navigate that? What did that look like?
Speaker 2:that. What did that look like? Oh my gosh. So much prayer. I did do like some parenting classes. I did join a foster adopt moms group. I did get some counsel, nebu. I prayed a lot.
Speaker 2:I I spent as much time with Nev as he was willing to let me in, and what was insane was most of the times that Nev and I connected. Where he was able to receive my love was when he was broken down like rock bottom, super sad, something didn't go right and he would be triggered into like real sadness, like genuine grief, and he would start thinking about his mom and he would start thinking about his dad and his family that was still alive. And it would literally be times where I would just sit at the edge of his bed and he would cry. And then I would cry a little bit and I would just cry with him and not talk, and I would cry genuinely because I was so tired of trying and I couldn't get through. And he would be crying because he was triggered and experiencing grief that you know was not healed yet. And so those were the moments I think that Neb and I connected the most because he felt like I was just grieving with him. Maybe I understood for a moment. And he even writes the foreword in the book. And so you know we couldn't write this book until Neb asked to write it. Neb's like mom, can we write my story? Because he exposes a lot and we expose a lot. There's a lot of hurt in this book, but there's a lot of hope also, and so we want families like ours and parents even of bio teenagers to to not stop trying. You have to understand each other. There's a story in the book that probably is one of my favorite stories. It's when a light bulb went off for me after three years of not being able to connect with Neb.
Speaker 2:I went to a women's retreat and I was rooming with a friend and I just said you know, I'm really struggling with Neb. He is so ungrateful, he doesn't appreciate anything, he doesn't want to go anywhere. And she said well, can you give me an example? And I said yeah, like Rick's family's in town and we want to do. We like we planned breakfast, we went to the park for reunion, like they came over for a barbecue, and he just like keeps going to his room. And she said did you do all of that in one day a breakfast, the park and a swimming and barbecue party in one day. And I go, yeah, and she goes, oh my gosh, that's exhausting. She's like I'm an introvert. I would have wanted to go to my room too.
Speaker 1:And I'm like Was that like a wake?
Speaker 2:up call. Yeah, total wake up call. He's an introvert, I'm an extrovert. I've never stopped to understand how different that looks. And I went home and I I was so excited to see him and I walked in and I think he was 15 and I was like no, he's like what I'm like. I went to this women's retreat. I'm an extrovert, you're an introvert, and he's like what I'm like? Never. You. An extrovert is someone who does all the things and I love all the people and people fill me up. And introvert is when you just want to withdraw and be alone and people don't fill you up. They make you tired. He's like oh, my gosh, mom, you make me so tired, oh, I love that.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can relate.
Speaker 2:I was like nephew, I'm so sorry. I've been trying to make you an extrovert for like three and a half years, like since you've been here. You must be exhausted. He's like I'm so tired. I just kept saying it. Like he finally had permission to tell me he's tired. So he wasn't ungrateful yeah, never, right, he's exhausted by me, you know. And so we laugh about it all the time. And so we just made an agreement that night. I was like, hey, I've made some serious mistakes and not considering that this has been really hard for you to keep up with me. So, moving forward, nephew, what do you think about on events that are really important, like I really want you to be there because it's the whole family, or something really special or important to dad and I say, nephew, I need you to be at this, and you agree to show up, like you show up. And then, on anything that's optional, I'll say, hey, we're going to do X, y and Z this weekend, would you?
Speaker 2:like to do any of this and he's like, oh, I love it, I love it, I want to do X, Y and Z this weekend, Would you?
Speaker 1:like to do any of this and he's like, oh, I love it, I love it, I want to do that, I love that, yeah, yeah, I think that that is so. I mean so much of what you're sharing and I feel like I keep saying this. But, yes, it's absolutely relatable to international adoption, to domestic adoption, to foster care, to this space, but it's also just relatable to family in general, to marriages in general. Um, so much of our podcast. The heart of it is based off of Ephesians 6, 12, where it says for we wrestle, not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. And we have to continuously, as families, remind ourselves that we are at war, at a spiritual battle.
Speaker 1:The enemy against the enemy, who hates families, who hates good marriages, who hates when we have healthy relationships with our kids, good marriages, who hates when we have healthy relationships with our kids, and so, of course, he's going to do everything he can to destroy those things.
Speaker 1:And we have to fight against that, because we are called to go into the world and love our neighbors and to make disciples and to just make a difference in the world, and so it's those things where as parents and as moms and families, we can get really bogged down in the day to day, like I'm just not, we're just not seeing eye to eye, but at the end of the day, this really doesn't matter. But the point is that it all matters and it, it, it's so, so important and it's so valuable. Um, so I'm just curious, like, what does your relationship with him look like now? And I, you know, I know a little bit more about your story because I've been diving into your book. But I mean, would you agree with that? Would you agree that family is just the enemy is out to destroy families, but we have to combat that with the way that we live our lives? A?
Speaker 2:hundred percent, a hundred percent. And when you say combat, it reminds me of the other part of Ephesians where it's like, put on the full armor of God, you're not fighting against your kid, and even when your kid is in rebellion, because, I'm telling you, you'll read stories in that book where you'll be like, wow, you recovered from this. You did, by the grace of God, we recovered. But it took a lot of humility, a lot of really difficult conversations. It took, it took some counseling, it took a mediator, um, in us coming back together at times. But, um, it took investing it financially, like spending money on the things that mattered, like therapy or counseling or or trips together, uh, things that that made Nebu happy, that made Nebu feel, seen, um, competitive sports was big for us. Like that was an investment we made, um, because it allowed for me to have a lot of intentional time with the big boys, away from all the littles like um. And, of course, all of this in balance. And none of this is like, hey, families, you should do what I'm saying, uh, cause this looks different for all of us, but investing in what matters for your family and fighting for our families is priority.
Speaker 2:If we lose in our marriages, our kids lose, and so obviously it starts with our marriages and fighting for our marriages. Understanding our spouses, date nights, those kinds of things are so valuable and so important. You have to get face to face with your spouse and then also fighting for our kids, even in the seasons where we feel the most hopeful. Those are the seasons you need calloused knees. Get on your knees and pray.
Speaker 2:I mean, there was a time you'll read it in the story where Neb left and didn't come back and he slept in a Walmart parking lot in a very unsafe location and he was in complete rebellion and so he had some hard options to choose. He couldn't live in our home the way he was living, and so we spent, I think, probably most of that night. I was curled up in a ball on the floor, praying, praying. God, keep him safe and and bring him home in humility and let us talk through and work through this. But I wasn't going to go and rescue him in the Walmart parking lot when he, when he, chose to leave under rebellion, he did, and so I had to trust God with him in that moment and it was real scary.
Speaker 2:So praying and fighting for our kids, putting on the full armor of God and not giving up in prayer. We have seen God be faithful in all of it. We have We've seen so much redeemed and I have to give God all the glory for that. We are not perfect parents. I have said some things I wish I didn't say, and I've done some things I wish I didn't do, and so we're not a perfect family at all by all means we are not. But we are perfectly reliant on Jesus to lead us in this parenting journey.
Speaker 1:I mean, truly, that's the only way to survive. I really believe it. I'm like man, yeah, that's yeah, so okay, so what? You? You authored the book, but what did that look like with Neb? What did that look like? Like his involvement in it, in the story of it?
Speaker 2:like his involvement in it, in the story of it. Yeah, so well. What's super exciting is that Nev did have healing at I think he was almost 19. He decided to say yes to going back to Ethiopia with me. So I go. I go to Africa multiple times a year for mission work and every year, from the time he came home at 12 until the time he was nearly 19,. I asked multiple times would you like to go back to your home country, would you like to visit the children's home? And it was a no, no, no, no. He was not ready.
Speaker 2:And in that time he, I think, built up a lot of bitterness and resentment that he didn't understand. He was even building up and he had made up stories in his head, I think, of how horrible his life is, and he was playing the victim card a ton Instead of seeing God's grace in his story and seeing that he was not forgotten by God. He was the victim all the time. So even when he got in trouble or he made bad decisions, he, he, he wasn't taking responsibility. Um, but he graduated from high school and we went right after he graduated from high school back to Ethiopia. And, um, when we got to that children's home. And when we walked through the village that he grew up in and he saw his mom's friends who had cared for him while he was living in the cornfields and would feed him. And they were. They were bowing down and they were sobbing, crying, because they had never seen one of the kids come back as like a young adult. And he was so loved on and so embraced that he realized in every single one of their faces, like that was God showing up for me, like I was not forgotten. I was not forgotten. I went into her home for tea, she fed me bread, she took me to the clinic, like he just had story after story after story after story of how he was not forgotten. And he kept telling me these stories. And as he's telling them to me, I'm in Ethiopia, in the environment, I'm smelling the smells, I'm seeing the people, I'm hugging them, I'm crying, I'm rejoicing, I'm capturing every moment in my head.
Speaker 2:And so, when we went to leave Ethiopia, he said, mom, I think that we should write a story about how I was not forgotten, because I think there's other kids like me that might feel forgotten. And I was like, ok, it's done. And I had already known. I was going to write this story. I just didn't know when or how, and so I just started writing the stories that he shared with me, and then I would read them to him like Neb, is this accurate? And he would say no, no, change this. Or, mom, add this, or. And so I would write the stories that he would verbalize to me. You know seasons of life for our family and stuff. But that's how we did it. We did it together. I read every story to him. He would tell me if it was accurate or a different way he was feeling. And so we got to do that journey together.
Speaker 1:Do you feel like that brought closeness to your relationship, or do you feel like you were already at that point when you started writing the book?
Speaker 2:We were definitely. I feel like we we were definitely attached and we saw each other. I mean, neb is probably one of my biggest encouragements of life. He's in ministry now. He came home from that trip and changed his college major from construction management which is all he's ever known, because that's what my husband and my other boys do he changed it to social work so that he could help kids like him. Like he said those words and I'm in, I'm in full-time ministry and we're very connected. In fact we get to. I don't know if you've heard of the CAFO summit, but it's Christian Alliance for Orphans. I'm teaching a class. Neb and I are teaching together.
Speaker 1:Oh my goodness. Okay, we will have to meet up because I'll be there, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we're. We're teaching our first workshop together. Um, and it's been our dream in writing the book is that opportunities would open up. Um, we did a live Q and a when the book launched at one of our book events and I think people loved hearing from him even more than they loved hearing from me. I mean, he has a super thick accent still, but he's so vulnerable and so, um, in tune with the, the way the kids are feeling adopted or not, like just what your teenagers are going through, because now he's working with, with these real life stories every day.
Speaker 1:Um, he in it now. He's done with school, he's doing social work, yes, yeah, and is he working like with a county or what does he's working?
Speaker 2:No, he's, he's working in full-time ministry. He's the director of a leadership college for aging out youth, so ages 18 to 25, they live in these leadership college houses and they do discipleship and leadership classes and they're there for two years and then they graduate from this program and they get help with like work placement, and so all of these kids come from really, really hard places that get approved to be inside these homes. So he leads those and gets to do full-time mentoring and discipleship.
Speaker 1:Absolutely incredible, yeah, okay. Well, we're nearing the end of our conversation and I feel like we only scratched the surface of one your story so I would just encourage you guys. The link of where you can purchase her book will be in the show notes. I am, like I said halfway through, I'm a really slow reader and I also am like a big note taker, so what I have read so far is great, and I'm not to the to the happy part yet. You know what I mean, so looking forward to continuing that. So check that out. But I also just want to hear a little bit more about X Hope and then just something that you would like to send listeners off with.
Speaker 2:Oh, thanks, yeah. So at X Hope, you know, our vision and mission is to empower at risk and vulnerable youth by providing hope, love, education and additional support. And so we have a local program where because we've also adopted locally which we didn't really talk about today, but it's briefly mentioned in the book we adopted a six-week-old baby who came home with special needs and a feeding tube, and he's our last. So we support foster families in aging out youth and then unsheltered and homeless kiddos through our local programs by providing caring for kids, kids and enrichment classes and life skills classes. And then we actually have a children's home in Uganda and a ministry there called Redeemer House, and so we take mission teams three to four times a year to be a part of outreach in our village, and we have a church plant there that opened last year and a brand new school, and so we're now educating 120 kids that are in our neighborhood or in our village, and our children's home has 23 kids full time, and then we have a guest house there, and so it generates income to provide for our children's home has 23 kids full time, and then we have a guest house there, and so it generates income to provide for our children's home.
Speaker 2:So everything we're doing there is with the goal of being self-sustaining and empowering Ugandans. So our staff there is 31. We have 31 staff and they're all Ugandans, and so a lot of them graduate from our program, and so it's a really, really incredible opportunity. And we gather a lot of them graduate from our program, and so it's a really, really incredible opportunity. And we gather a lot of different church partners and a lot of different people from all over the world to be a part of what we're doing, because we feel like we just get to share and then we gather other people's gifts and talents and have them come along, and then God's just growing and expanding it in so many cool ways.
Speaker 1:There's just so much, so much goodness going on over there and I yeah we might have to have you back on to hear about more, because I know we didn't even get to talk about your story of your domestic adoption, which actually was a kinship, right, it was yes, yeah so just have to have you back on again.
Speaker 1:But so does X Hope have a website? Where can people learn more about that? And then I would love maybe one day we visit it there and see kind of what we're doing and you could apply for a mission trip there.
Speaker 2:if anyone's listening and feels led to come and be a part of what we're doing in Uganda, we'd love to have you. It's life-changing for sure.
Speaker 1:And so my last question, just the send-off question, is think of you back in the thick of it. Even it could be like right when your husband, when you guys, decided to adopt Neb, when you were going through that process and you were receiving pushback and you knew that you were following God's plan, but there was so much resistance and unknowns. What is something that you, if you could go back in time, that you could, like you know, put your hands on the younger version of you, look yourself in the eyes, and just a piece of encouragement that you could give, because that is the place that so many of our families are right now. We're just, we're just starting and we're, um, I mean, I feel like I'm just starting. I have a 12 year old, but do we ever not be like that? I don't know. Just a piece of advice or some encouragement that you could send off to our listeners.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say that parenting is the most challenging and most rewarding calling that we have in our lives. And because we're so far into this and we have two 26 year olds who are both married and they've given us grandbabies already, we're transitioning. We're learning how to be mother in laws, father in laws. Now we're learning how to be grandparents. And so the seasons change and I would still say the number one thing for me is just relying on the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of God to help us, in these seasons of change, to learn, to learn how to do this well and how to do it in a way that honors God, and how to have really healthy relationships with our kids and whatever age they are.
Speaker 2:I think the number one key to that is humility and communication. We can remain humble as parents and we can lead in that way of saying, hey, I shouldn't have said that. I've been on my phone way too much. I haven't even put my screen down, forgive me, let's connect. There's just things that we do when we're tired and weary and it's okay. It's okay, but but when we lead in humility and saying, hey, I feel kind of bad that I was out of sorts yesterday. I was yelling a lot, I've been extremely grumpy and tired, whatever we need to say. But if we lead that way in humility and we communicate, communicate, communicate, we teach our kids to do that.
Speaker 2:And now, as adults, our 26 year olds, our 19 year old or 21 year old, they'll call and say mom, can I talk to you about something? That hurt my feelings? And my big kids are able to very clearly communicate with me. Like hey, when you said this about my wife, you were kind of joking, but it really hurt her feelings. That embarrassed her in front of everyone. I'm like, oh great, like I don't want to embarrass her. So, like I'm learning how to be a mother-in-law that's going to be my next book. I'm going to talk about my four, my four daughter-in-laws. Like I have four daughter-in-laws. Well, I'm getting four. Two are getting married in the next year.
Speaker 1:I don't envy you. I have two girls and a boy and I love my boy.
Speaker 2:I mean I love all my kids, but thinking about having a daughter-in-law one day, girl, I'm telling you this is the new challenge. This is the new. Like I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm launching five boys altogether, I'm getting five daughter-in-laws and I already have four named. I have two that are daughter-in-laws. I have one getting married this month and one getting married next year. He's engaged and they're all different. And here's the thing they're all in charge. I'm not in charge. My daughter-in-laws are in charge. I told them we're going to write a book or start a podcast because you girls are giving me a run for my money. They're all different and I want to love them all well, and it is such hard work.
Speaker 1:It. Sure I don't envy you, but I am going to be over here just quietly taking notes.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I'll tell you all the things not to do, because I'm learning them slowly.
Speaker 1:I love it. Okay, well, I just want to say thank you so much for your time today. I feel so encouraged I know that our listeners do too. Um, and I would just leave you listeners with some encouragement to check out her book, check out the resources, and you know it's a story of adoption, but it's so much more than that. It truly is and it's, it's, it's wonderful. So thank you so much for your time today.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you for having me. Well done, parents. Keep up the hard work. Bye.