253. When Good Intentions Steal Summer Joy

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Transcript

Messy Family Life And Summer Return

SPEAKER_01 0:00

We're speaking to a lot of people who are raising families, and we're raising a family, and that's messy. And that's okay. And it's also really, really fun. And I the last thing that I want is to look back when I'm 60, 70 years, 70 years old, and feel like I was just a ball of stress and put too much pressure on myself, and I regret it.

SPEAKER_03 0:22

We are at war, and it's not against our neighbors, spouses, children, politicians, or whatever else we feel like we're battling against.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

So the questions are who's the fight against? And are we winning or losing? We're the Adkins, and we are a force to be reckoned with.

SPEAKER_05 0:39

Are you ready to join the force?

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Thanks for joining us on another week of The Force to Reckon with. I'm Bethany.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

Oh, and I'm Corey, this guy.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

And we are the Adkins. We're the Adkins. Oh, good. We're the Adkins family.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

Bro, do you hear that?

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Yeah, our door. It's our door.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

I need to, I think I need to jam that thing a little more.

unknown 1:06

Oh, good.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

So if you're watching on video, you will see that we're in our bedroom. Our old bedroom that has not yet been updated. The door's broken. So Corey's closing it with a suitcase right now because it doesn't stay latched. But yeah, we've got bigger problems than you guys. And also.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

And a pillow.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

A pillow.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

I'd use a pillow too. Got a little current going on.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Mm-hmm. It's a little bit, it's a little bit difficult because our cat comes in. We're not cat people. But we found this cat in our neighborhood as a kitten.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

I don't want that guy getting in here.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

And he's mostly an outdoor cat, even though we intended him for him to be an indoor cat. But he likes to gallivant in the neighborhood. His name is Charles Barkley. And we call him Charles. And he comes in. Charlie. Yeah, and he comes in our room. So anyway. I'm turning my phone on vibrate.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Good call.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Okay. We hope you gu anyway, we hope you guys are doing well. It is officially summer break.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

It is.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

And we've we've been a little absent on the podcast, but we're here now.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

We're alive.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

And we were just talking about rhythms and rhythms of recording and changing seasons. And this whole year has been a lot of pivoting, but then as we enter into summer, I think everybody's kind of pivoting right now.

SPEAKER_03 2:40

Yeah. So speaking of rhythms, I heard somebody give a very unique name of a kid. I weren't so I'm gonna give you the spelling, and then you gotta tell me how you pronounce it.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

Okay. The name is spelled. JK M N.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

This is real.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

This is real. Of course.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

What is it?

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Oh, I hate to say it, but you're very off.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 3:28

It is pronounced Noel.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

I don't care. It's like a joke that I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 3:35

It's not a joke. Somebody actually named their kid this.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

J K M N.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

And it's Noel.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

J K L M N O.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

Yeah. Yeah, it's A B C's J K, because normally it's H I. J K L M N O P. So they did J K M N. There's No L. Their name is pronounced No L.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

That is definitely fake, but it's not. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

It's not. I know them.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

You don't know them. No, you don't. Are my teeth blue?

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Um, no. Oh, okay. Okay, I don't know them. It could be fake, but it's definitely fake. It seems so real.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Corey's, you know, Corey's getting old. Could you see he believes 90% of what he reads?

SPEAKER_03 4:20

No, that's not true.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Uh oh, stop it. Oh, I read this thing about if you do this thing with your thing, that it'll work.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

And I'm like, That sounds so weird.

SPEAKER_01 4:33

That doesn't even make sense, first of all. Don't put it in the world.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

I tell you, I don't believe it. I just tell you funny things or interesting things that I see. I'm not telling you I believe it.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

It's like, I was reading the saw, I was read this. Is how you always know that somebody got it off social media. I was reading this. You're not a reader. Come on. You ever catch this? No, I'm not saying that about you. I'm saying, do you ever catch that about people? They're like, oh yeah, I was reading about the I was reading this thing, and it's like, dude, that was it, that was an Instagram reel. Because I saw the same reel. You weren't reading, you were scrolling.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Yeah, and so back up real quick, because I am a reader, first off. And second off, I don't actually believe anything until I've actually dug in on. I am on the camera, I'm just not on that one. Um, until I've actually dug in. It's because you keep turning it. Gosh, get the camera person right. Um, I don't actually believe something until I've dug in.

SPEAKER_05 5:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:35

Giving me that.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

So.

The Wild Name Story And Scrolling

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Speaking of other rhythms.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Yeah?

SPEAKER_03 5:42

You know what this episode is about.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Why did I just say? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Yeah.

unknown 5:47

Insumer love is forever.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

That is harmonizing, don't worry. Is forever. All right, we gotta get to the episode, otherwise, we're gonna be here all day. So it is summer, and we're very excited. We every year we do a summer episode. We uh usually do it going out with a bang, we do a fun giveaway, and we pause for the summer. We're gonna keep on going through the summer, guys.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

So we hope you're gonna ride along with us.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Yep. But are we doing a giveaway?

SPEAKER_03 6:32

We can. I think we should. What do they gotta do? Are you gonna do some make it up on the spot?

SPEAKER_01 6:35

We're just gonna make it up. So, first, quick life update.

SPEAKER_03 6:40

What are we giving away? A coupon for a dollar cone from McDonald's.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Yeah, life has been crazy. We wonder how it's been for you guys. We've had so once as soon as the weather breaks, now that we're in this house, so this would be like your what, four or five? Soon as the weather breaks, we start house projects. Up until we always have a last day of school party for these kids. So that's what we've done. The last day of school party was just last week, and it went great. We had what, like between the two parties, probably over 70 kids.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Yeah, somewhere between 70 and 80.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

And but up until then, every waking moment, every weeking weekend, all of them have been if we're not working or doing sports, house projects. Our kids are sick of us, we're sick of our kids. They're like the scene from holes where they're like, he's like, I'm tired of digging these holes, grandpa. That's our kids because we've had them shoveling rock.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

I will say though, it's a cheat code.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Yeah, what is that? What do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 7:50

This is a this is a hack.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

What?

SPEAKER_03 7:52

If you give yourself a deadline, yeah, like that, where it's like if so, if anybody else out there is throwing a party last day of school or a memorial is it, yeah, Memorial Day party or whatever, it makes you get the stuff done, and then it's like pretty much your projects are done.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Yeah, we have a couple outstanding things, but it's yeah, but not anything major now, yeah. Now we can just enjoy the yard, so that is good.

SPEAKER_03 8:16

It's a hack.

unknown 8:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Anything else exciting going on with you?

SPEAKER_03 8:21

Uh, I'm alive.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

That's good. Running updates, slacked last week, back to it this week. Gotta run 16 miles this week. Still planning on the full marathon, you guys. But I do want to say I'm starting to wonder, should I do the half?

SPEAKER_03 8:40

Are you joking? Don't be a quitter.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

It's not quitting. It's very time consuming, is what it's not that time consuming. Because pretty soon here I'm gonna get into long runs.

SPEAKER_03 8:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

10, 12, 20 mile runs.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

Okay. How long is it gonna take you to run a 20-mile run?

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Well, I run probably an ele I run about 11 and a half minute mile.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

So four hours? Yeah. I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

No, but actually, I wanted complete the marathon.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

Because when you ran the half marathon, it was a 13-mile marathon.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Yeah, I think my that wasn't a good time to base it off of. It was very slow.

SPEAKER_03 9:13

Okay, but that is good because then we can build in a little buffer.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

The half marathon took about two hours and 40 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

Okay. So, and it's not like you're doing 20 mile runs on the regular.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

It's just the the time away from the family and the guilt that comes with that.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

Yeah, but it's the body that comes with it.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

But do you ever notice how I'm so much happier when I come back?

SPEAKER_03 9:39

Yeah, it's that just happened. What was that? Is that yesterday?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

I ran four miles. It was like amazing. You were like, I wanted to cry tears of joy.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

To be honest with you, we were kind of like, dude, just get out of here. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 9:51

I know.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

So you could have stuck around and been miserable.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Is your bad mood gonna float away? And I was like, Wait, did she actually say that?

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Yeah, where did she get that idea?

SPEAKER_01 10:04

I don't know. I don't know, but it did. It did.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

It ran away.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

I'm thinking about it, it just seems like a lot, and I don't know. But I'm gonna still shoot for it, and we'll we'll reevaluate at the end of summer. No, but I will say that I started doing running videos on my TikTok. Oh, are you putting this out there?

SPEAKER_03 10:30

You're putting the TikTok out there? Yeah, I didn't know because you were like you were making like uh it was like no secret TikTok. You blurred your face out and changed your name.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

No, I did not. I just started first of all. I like just to experiment on social media, you know that. Like I'm a nerd with it, like okay, this sound with this type of text, this like I like to see how what makes things go viral, but then TikTok, it's a whole other animal.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

What is the definition of viral? I mean, honestly, there is a definition, but is there I'm about to ask chat because I've been wondering that because people use the word viral kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

There's like I think truly viral is over a million views.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

All right, let's see. What is the definition of viral on social media?

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Viral on social media usually means that a piece of content spreads very rapidly and widely beyond its original audience. In other words, a post or video becomes viral when it gets a large number of chairs, likes, comments, or views in a short period. It often crosses platforms, reaches a number of people.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

We need a number, chat. Chat, this is garbage. I need a number. Stop giving me all the fluff. I need a number, give me a number of when it goes has gone viral.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Fair enough. There's no universal magic number set in stone. Of course not. But a common benchmark folks throw around is when something hits hundreds of thousands or millions of views, likes, or shares, often in a short time frame.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

Okay, so at least hundreds of thousands.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Right. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 12:07

Once you hit the Okay, we're done, chat. Thank you. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

So anyway.

SPEAKER_03 12:12

Man, chat gets on my nerves sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

I uh but the other thing is I I'm a nerd and I like documenting stuff. The thing that bothers me is I have always been like that, and you know that, and we've talked about that here, but I don't want people thinking, oh, she's trying to be an influencer. Like if I'm posting that stuff on my Instagram. Who cares? I care because we live in a small town, some small-minded people, and I don't want them to be like, oh, she's an influencer. I just genuinely like it. So yeah, I did start that TikTok. It wasn't like secret, but I was like, well, at least over here, I don't have a bunch of the moms and stuff following me, thinking like, okay, who does she think she is? But what I was saying about that is maybe I'll post videos there. I was, and then I got busy, so we'll see. Just like the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

Didn't we talk about crabs in the bucket?

SPEAKER_01 13:06

Yeah, yeah. I know. I guess I should go listen to that episode.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Um keeping other people's dreams down because they're losers.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

So we had the end of school

House Projects And End Of School Party

SPEAKER_01 13:17

party. What was your favorite part?

SPEAKER_03 13:21

Of the when everybody left. No, I'm just kidding. I'm joking. I'm joking. Okay, my favorite part is actually probably kind of lame.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

But it was a logistical thing.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

The fence down?

SPEAKER_03 13:33

Oh no, that is also my favorite part.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:36

I do like we have this temporary fence around the pool that pops out. Anybody that's like in California or Florida, it's where I've always seen it. And I love having it out.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

So, what was the logistical thing?

SPEAKER_03 13:46

The logistical thing was that we did the parties separately.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:50

So there wasn't 70 to 80 kids all at one time.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

And then also, I don't know if you did this on purpose or you just did it because Liberty and Maya had their practice for their dance recital.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

The break in between?

SPEAKER_03 14:03

The break, the three-hour break was that was actually perfect. At first, I was thinking, like, man, is that too long? And I was like, No, this is perfect.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Yeah, it was kind of nice. It was more because they had dance.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

I was thinking of actually we should keep it because that gave us time to we'll see if we even do it next year. Oh, get out of here. You're gonna do it. But it gave us time to clean up and reset.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

Chlorate the pool.

SPEAKER_03 14:27

Yeah, it was perfect.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Yeah. So I love it because I love having all the kids here, and I love seeing all the kids, and it's just I this is our I think our fifth year doing it, and I just love kids. I just love having relationships with the kids' friends and goofing off with them, and it's just like a dream come true. I just feel so happy, and I don't know. I love it. Like I feel like genuinely I'm living in the best years of my life. I could cry. Yeah, it's so good. So that's what I love. But we're not even talking about that today. We're talking about summer, so we're gonna shift gears a little bit. But I mean, that does have to do with summer because it's our big shebang that kind of breaks into the summer season, and I feel like it makes it feel kind of official and all of those things. But like when you think back, everybody that's listening do this. When you think back, like and you have those moments where you get so excited for summer, like you're you think back on your childhood, or like the most summery summers that give you that warm feeling inside. What is it that you think of?

SPEAKER_02 15:46

Freedom.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Freedom, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

I don't have to go to school, I can like I can just hang out with my friends, I got all kinds of I got time to do stuff. I can go outside and play, I can eat popsicles, I can go swimming, I can shoot hoops, yeah. I can go sleepovers in the middle of the week.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yeah, I guess freedom is a good word to describe it. I just think of bonfires, swimming, being out in the sun. And yeah, I guess it is freedom because it's like still you don't feel that stress of a stringent schedule. Yeah. And so that's what I when I think of summer, that's what I want. We're going on vacation, and other than that vacation, we're keeping our plans to a minimum.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

Thank goodness, those the break is in the summer. Imagine if you got your three-month break and it

What Summer Should Feel Like

SPEAKER_03 16:38

was from freaking like oh, we would not survive December to February. No, that would suck. It would be right in the middle of the worst weather.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Yeah, we wouldn't survive it.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

We really wouldn't. I genuinely hate winter.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

So I do too. When when you're which that's a whole other conversation because I need to talk to you first, I gotta like smooth schmooze you up a little bit, but we can't do another winter in Ohio.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

So guess what, Buttercup? We are no, I don't want to either, but we have to. I don't know what kind of uh kind of what kind of dollars you think you're enrolling in the bank, but it's not that.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

So you mean just because I call you sugar daddy now?

SPEAKER_03 17:19

It doesn't just mean that sugar daddy money shows up.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Okay, so but when you think about summer and you get so excited and you think about that, ask your kids that question because I think that's important. Like we sat down with the kids a couple nights ago, and we were just talking about setting expectations for summer and what it's gonna look like and thinking through things that we wanted to do, and what like it could be so simple for them. Like, theirs could just be, I just want to have bonfires and make s'mores. And if you get all wrapped up in it, you could go the whole summer and be like, with Cedar Point, Disney World, going to grandma's, going to do all this stuff, and the whole summer you end up never even making a s'more when really that's what would have made them feel the most like it is summer, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Like people try to do too much, yeah. Like they put too much pressure and too much stress on it, and then they don't actually even really truly enjoy it. Yeah, and I'm not doing and they don't even and the kids didn't even need it, so it was like a waste that you even did that, and then all they did was feel your stress about the things, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

And it's like, why'd we do that? That was gone. Dude, I could have bought those days, they are gone, they're gone for us, and they're gone for you guys right here, right now. Take the pressure off. It can't happen. You maybe you're working and you're feeling like I gotta make this special, I gotta make this special, I gotta do all these things, I gotta plan all these things. You don't just ask your kids what's like two things that would make you feel like you love the summer, and then that's it. And I think more than doing the things, it's being it's like feeling happy, you know what I mean? Yeah, like if all summer I behave how I behaved last night when I was grumpy, but we're doing all these things, you know, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_03 19:14

Yeah, we would have gone on a trip and then left you wherever we were we went.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

But it's kind of like this may irritate some, but I don't really care. Uh it's like the Disney. I feel like you can like Disney's the perfect, like um what's the what's the right word? Like example of it. Is I do feel like Disney is something you should do, like as a like just to have done it.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

But at the same time, it's like you get all hyped up to go all the way down to Florida or or to California or whatever, make all these plans, spend a ton, ton of money to go to Disney. You go in the park, and then it's like you most of the time you don't even have a good time, like you're running around waiting in line. And if you don't want to wait in line, you gotta buy fast passes, but everyone else has bought fast passes too, so the fast passes really aren't that fast. And like you could have just had like taken a week off and did a staycation, probably and made better memories, right? Or gone on a vacation that was half the price.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Yeah, and I yes, I think that sometimes as parents we have to we have to shift our expectations because what our kids want is actually often so much simpler than what we think that they want. And what they remember what makes Carter really happy is he just wants to be able to go ride his bike with friends like all the time and go fishing when he wants. And that's very cheap and leisurely and to me kind of boring. But he we've been I've kind of reset those expectations with myself. Like, he doesn't really care to do all these activities and go these places and do these things, he just wants to go, he wants the freedom of just hanging with friends, and so I think Liberty just wants to have like a friend over and set up a lemonade stand at the end of the driveway. Normally, I put all this stress on myself, and even for sleepovers, I'm like, well, if they're having a sleepover, we have to get candy, we have to have a movie night, we have to do all these things, and it's like, oh, actually, they don't care about any of that, they just want to come over and have a sleepover. So for the last, I mean, since Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday, like for the last five nights, our kids have had sleepovers, and it's been great. Like it hasn't been this high stress, some overwhelmed type of thing because it's just like they're doing what they want, they're happy, they're kind of doing their own thing, and we're having fun together.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

And the cool thing about even the sleepovers, even when we don't plan something, we'll just pull out. Like Uno or something that we already have, or start we just start working on a puzzle on the dining room table, and their friends want to join in and hang out and talk. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

It's like this is a little side note. I wanted to do a whole episode on this, but I don't think we ever will call it Build the Puzzle. And it maybe we can later, but we yeah, we started building puzzles in the winter, and it's actually become something we really enjoy. And it's just a break from screens. You're sitting there, you're all doing something together, working on something together, but it's like a really good opportunity for conversation.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

Yeah, just organic.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

Yeah. And a lot like we realized Carter would have friends over, and this happened like multiple times, where they would come over and just plop right down. Corey and I are building the puzzle. We're like, hey, and they come right in and they start building the puzzle with us, and they're in there with us for an hour, maybe longer, talking to us about something.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

Do you remember it was like once or twice they started playing like Fortnite or something in the basement, and they were playing on their own screens or whatever, and then Carter would still be playing, and his friend would just come up and sit and Carter would be getting mad doing a puzzle with us.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

And they're like, No, I want to build the puzzle.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

Hey, can we play Uno?

SPEAKER_01 23:11

Yeah, and I love it. So, like it does build the puzzle just means find your thing that creates that quality time. It doesn't have to be a puzzle, it could be a game, it could be whatever, but just a break from screen, something that allows for conversation, and they really share a lot too. Yeah, but you get to know them. So yeah, my computer is about to die. We have to go quicker.

SPEAKER_04 23:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

So I just want to say like we spend all year waiting for summer, then it comes. We're like so excited for it, but then it comes and it's like maybe we overplanned or we underplanned, but regardless, it doesn't feel like how we want. We're buried in work, we have tons of errands, there's so many things on our schedules, and we then we get stressed out. And yeah, I just I don't think it's too late in the summer. We've had this conversation a lot, and you've had to have it with me a lot, really recently, where it's like we're doing too much, and we started having this conversation a year ago, like cutting things out, cutting things

Take The Pressure Off The Plans

SPEAKER_01 24:12

out. We've cut out a lot, but even still now, trying not to refill it with other things, yeah. And sometimes, um even just like having an empty day when you're a family on mission, like our mission as a family is to pour into this next generation. So having open schedules allows for us to be able to be like, Oh yeah, you can come over, like you can have a friend over because we don't have all this stuff filled to the brim. And so I don't know, I just think that's something important to remember. And for all of us, I feel like we're covering a lot this episode, but because this is another really big topic, like when you know who you are as a family and what your mission is as a family, everything that you do should flow through that. So we just know that we're very, very passionate about pouring into this next generation of kids and being a family that's a healthy family. So we need to do things that support us having a healthy marriage, having healthy relationships with our kids, and being a healthy family, and then welcoming other people into that. And so that even goes into when thinking through like what will make this summer more intentional, yeah, and fun.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

It was interesting. I saw that you had that on there, but I remember re actually reading some of these studies from they were I don't know how old the ones that you found, but for that I read, it was probably over a decade ago, but it did talk about how it's quality time over quantity of time, and that kids don't actually need a lot of your time, they just want some of it, they want some of it, and but that that some of it needs to be quality, like you need to be have your phone down, looking them in the eye. Yeah, looking them in the eye, doing something with them, interacting with them, like fully present with them mentally too, not even thinking about work or you know, other things, but just being there in that moment with them, and they really don't even need that much if you do that.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Yeah, and that can be really that's very hard for me to just be like, all right, I'm focusing in on this kid in this moment, doing this thing. Like, I literally have to coach myself through it mentally because I'm so I don't know if ADD is the right word, but I just feel like I always have to be doing something, I need to be being productive. But I will say that I have been doing better at that since being home, especially because it's such a challenge when you're with your kids all day to feel like all this pressure to make every moment special. When then I took that into account, where it's like actually, if I just spend like 45 minutes doing something really, really fun and playing a game with them and making it really special, their cup is filled, and then I don't feel as guilty for yeah, because you don't have to make every moment special, you just need to make a moment special, right?

Quality Time Beats More Time

SPEAKER_01 27:16

So another big one for us is hospitality, and we're slowly getting better at this. It's been hard with foster care and having so many kids and a smaller house, and just like thinking through how can we serve people comfortably in our home. It is a lot easier in the summer. In the summer, it's a lot easier because we have a yard that is easy to host people, but also in the summer, like you don't even have to have a big house. Like no, you we don't for sleepovers, it doesn't matter. So I here's just things that my mom, we've talked about this before. I've added some things that my mom used to do growing up that I've taken from her and things that I've kind of just added in over the years.

unknown 28:03

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

And just to to tee it off for to set you up a little bit, is it doesn't have to be over the top. Like it's harder to do when you make things complicated, they're they're harder to follow through on. So some of the stuff that she's gonna hit on here, it's just it's making it simple and easy and cheap so that it's easier to follow through on.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Yeah. Yeah, because I think if we over-structure things and over plan, it can make us feel like, oh, well, we didn't follow through on that. So now I'm a failure and everything is out the window. When really it's just like figuring out, okay, what are these anchors that are gonna keep us feeling like things aren't falling apart that are simple and actionable and serve our family. So for us, when we just sat down with our kids last weekend, we just said, we want you guys, like we have this pool, we have this yard, we've invested a bunch of money to make this house a place where you guys can have people. And 95% of the time, if you ask to have friends over, it's going to be a yes because we want you to be able to have friends over. But there are conditions with that. So if you want that end of the deal to be kept up, you need to keep up your end of the deal. So they have a couple, they're like five or like probably five chores that they have to do every day. It's feeding their animals, making sure their beds are made and their rooms are clean, they alternate between dishes and a couple other household chores and things like that. I don't need to go into those specific details.

SPEAKER_03 29:38

Keeping the basement picked up for that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

So this time last year, it would have been an immediate no. Like I would have been tired and they wouldn't have done their chores. So even if you are working, I would say like have a checklist. That's like five things that your kids do every day. And if they're done, then it it needs to be a yes. And then also just letting go of the expectation that my house needs to be perfect. Yeah, it doesn't need to be pristine, just something I've had to let go. And well, I have let it go because we have five kids and things are a mess. So just doing those daily chores really helps, and then those things are earned. So if your responsibilities aren't done, then it's not an option. You shouldn't even be asking. Um, another thing that we do, which I do this every night, Corey and I do it, and we're doing better about making the kids do it, is having a 10 to 15 minute reset where right before bed, we we race at the kitchen, we get everything set up for success, and the downstairs at a minimum is picked up so that we can start the day in the morning fresh. And then that way, if there's any impromptu things coming up, we're good to go. And then also, just this is the fun part that's

Budget Hospitality And Simple Hosting Prep

SPEAKER_01 31:09

my favorite. I really like it's a little dangerous. Is stocking up to be able to be last minute hospitable, to be hospitable last minute. And this is so simple. And also, we're balling on a budget over here, so it can be cheap too. It doesn't have to be expensive to host. So easy things to keep available: popsicles, ice cream sandwiches, hot dogs, keep them stocked up in the freezer, buns in the freezer, both hot dog and hamburger, frozen pizzas. I have I make these pepperoni rolls that I'm probably gonna make a reel and share the recipe on there. So stay tuned for that. But basically, it's just Rhodes dinner rolls. You roll up pepperoni sauce and cheese in them and you cook them, and you can get a bag of like 72. And I keep those in the fridge and the kids eat them. Chips, lemonade mix. And then another thing that has been saving me this last month is I'll just buy like a big thing of chicken breasts and I'll shred it. And then one day we'll eat it with as tacos, and then the next day I'll add barbecue sauce and we'll have barbecue chicken sandwiches. Same thing with pork or beef, just like making meat in bulk and thinking, like, okay, we have three days worth of this meat, and I'm gonna make it as this the first day, and then the second day I can transform it into this and this. And it has been, hasn't it been so nice to just have cooked meat done? And it has saved us a lot on eating out. Um because on some rice.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

Yeah, yeah, it's been good.

SPEAKER_01 32:42

Okay, so we had to take a little pause because my computer was dying, and on top of our janky setup that we now have, my computer is broken and only one plugin works. So, anyway, just keeping easy things stocked. Maybe I'll make a little list or something for you guys, but um yeah, I think that sometimes the difference between inviting people over and not inviting them over is whether you feel prepared. And a lot of being prepared is do you have food to feed people? So yeah, and it doesn't have to be a steak dinner every time because uh we all know things are expensive right now, life is expensive, and so it can feel like burdensome to have extra mouths to feed, but also there are cheap ways to do it that still serve people.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

This ain't no Ruth's Chris. You come here, you getting a hot dog.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Um, another thing that I just recently did right before the party was our bathroom downstairs, which is also our laundry room, but it's the like powder room on the first floor. I stocked it up with stuff from Dollar General with just like q-tips and feminine products and that's important, extra toilet paper, um, a toothbrush and toothpaste in case extra friends stay. So just having stuff like that. It I think I spent 30 bucks and it made it feel just cozier in there and also made me feel like, oh, okay, we can do this. Nothing fancy, just prepared. And then yeah, I think that when it comes to hosting, we just I mean, I'm speaking to myself, maybe you guys aren't all like that, but I just put so much pressure on myself, feeling like people have to be entertained and it has to be so good. And really, I think people right now are just hungry for an excuse to gather and to have community, and so at the end of the day, just this again, I'm working on this. So if you come to my house this summer, it's gonna be messy, probably, because I have five kids and I'm enjoying the summer, so be okay with that. And if you're not, then just don't come over. But just taking that pressure off of like, just come in. That's one thing, and I want to have her on the podcast. My grandma Rose was always like that. I mean, their house was always tidy, but I mean, you could come over, we could go there right now, and what would they do?

SPEAKER_03 35:18

It'd feel like I just showed up at a bed and breakfast.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

Yeah, like she would have something in the fridge, she would brew us a pot of coffee, she would drop everything.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

You guys want some Bruno's pizza? You guys want some want some brew's pizza?

SPEAKER_01 35:31

And it wouldn't just be, and I I'm sure that there were times when they had more important stuff to do. I've never once gone to my grandparents' house and felt like, oh, is this a bad time? You know, yeah, they're not like that. I want to be like that. And I it's hard in this world, but I this is a bigger issue again. This is another podcast. Like, we need to create margin in our lives so that we can be like that because that is what that models Christ having a hospitable heart and a hospitable home, and just saying, Oh, you need company right now? Come on in. We we have we're having burgers tonight. Come on over. My house is a mess. That's all right. I'm folding a load of laundry. Just why don't you sit down and help me? You know what I mean? That's how it should be.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

Oh, that's how you get the laundry done.

SPEAKER_01 36:19

Right. But I think that it somebody has to start, and so we're gonna start, and maybe it will other people will start to be like that too. I think we've our culture has just grown so cold of like, no, everything has to be perfect and nobody can see my mess, and it has to be the right time.

SPEAKER_03 36:38

I think it's a combination of that and just feeling rushed and busy, yeah, because you're in all the things.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

Yeah.

Open Door Legacy And Giveaway Details

SPEAKER_01 36:44

So leading that leads into just the legacy of an open door, which we just kind of talked about. But this is how my parents were, and I think that a lot of that had to do with because that's how my grandparents were. When I was a kid, I was one of seven, and we were the fun house. We had a basketball court, a swimming pool, a fire pit, we had a decent yard, not a massive yard, I think just a couple acres. But friends were there, their friends just popped in, you know, all the time. My mom just said that today. She dropped us off dinner and she said, I was gonna cook you something, but um, but Betsy stopped over this morning on our walk. That is the culture that they've created, and that is what we want to do too. So yeah, is there anything that you want to add? I think we've talked about like we've done summer bucket list episodes in the past. We had said, like, don't let this one slip through the cracks. We said make it a summer to remember, and all of those things are true and important, and yeah, we do want to do all those things, but I all of them have the under the same underlying theme of just like take the pressure off and be okay with just being human and being in the thick of like and we're raising a family, and that's messy, and that's okay, and it's also really, really fun. And I the last thing that I want is to look back when I'm 60, seven years, 70 years old, and feel like I was just a ball of stress and put too much pressure on myself, and I regret it.

SPEAKER_03 38:18

Yeah, and I ultimately think that I mean people want to create memories and they want to be in the moment and they want to savor the time. It just sometimes we don't remember how to do it. Yeah, you know, and we get caught up in in making ourselves too busy or to putting too much pressure on what the vacation's gonna be, or summer hits, and like for me, summer is the busiest time of year for for work, too. So people get caught up into work and all of the things, and like to really still build the memories, it doesn't have to be a big thing, it doesn't have to be expensive things. That's kind of the point of what we're getting at is you know, we really look forward to this time in the summer where our kids are around more, where it's nice out and there's more things to do outside or more opportunities to do things outside, and just take the pressure off. Yeah, like what we talked about is there's cheap things that you can do, there's simple things that you can do, and just be present, and it doesn't even have to be a huge amount of time. We talked about that too, just quality time. So just you know, take go back and just re-listen to to some of the practical things, make a maybe jot a few things down, have your own family huddle and come up with a little plan on how you're going to just make this summer memorable, and uh ask your kids what their yeah thoughts on summer are like what would be something that would really make you feel like this was a great summer, and I think you that you'll be surprised by what they say, hopefully. Yeah, not to put any pressure on you, but maybe to put a little pressure on you, because I've been thinking about it a lot lately. But you really get like 18 summers with your kids before they may be moving out on their own.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

I know, yeah, I know, and I've seen people say that, but also then like but look at us. We go to my parents all the time, like they're still getting so much.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Not everybody's always like that, and people move, and you some kids move far away. I mean, my brother lives in Texas, yeah. So, like sometimes people move away and stuff, so like don't put pressure to do the big thing and do and all that, but uh a little bit of pressure to take the time, just take the extra time, just a little bit of time, do the simple things and enjoy the summer with your kids.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

Yeah, all right. So, closing out the episode, ask your kids what they want to get out of the summer, what would make it a special summer for them, a good summer for them. Listen to some of the practicals, and we're gonna do so. With this giveaway, we're gonna do $200 cash.

SPEAKER_02 41:04

Cash money.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

I'll probably I can do that we can Ven Mower Zell to one winner, and obviously you can use it however you want because it's cash, but the heart behind it is do something fun with your kids, host somebody for dinner, buy use, use it to buy the groceries. Um, yeah, like go to the drive-in, use it for something to make it a memorable summer because that's like the whole heart of this podcast: being a family that is a good, God-fearing family that raises good, God-fearing kids. And part of that is having fun and making memories so that it's a place where your kids want to come back to and bring their kids and bring their friends.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

And so And that's the other key is bringing their friends. Yeah, like be fun. Christians are supposed to be fun so that other people want to join in.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

Yep. So, with that, that's what makes you a force to be reckoned with. Um, what the instructions I think that we decided are, and I'll we'll put this in the show notes. I will post a reel promoting this episode. It'll also have the instructions on that caption. That way you know that it's the right one. Share that reel to your stories, tag my Instagram. Um, and then that gets you entered if you share to your stories and tag. And then if you leave us a review on one on Apple, the podcast, and then comment reviewed on that post, then you get three extra entries. So the review gets you three extra entries. If you've already reviewed the podcast, just write review so that we know.

SPEAKER_02 42:47

That's it.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

Hope that you guys have a really good summer. We have more good stuff to come, and we'll talk to you about the