The Other Side of the Struggle (Healing from Betrayal Trauma)
Healing from betrayal trauma is no small feat! It takes a lot of work, time, and focus in order to do it. That's all great, but then there's the "HOW?" In this podcast, we will talk about Betrayal Trauma, my past with it, how I healed from it using Christian Scripture, and how you can do the same thing.
The Other Side of the Struggle (Healing from Betrayal Trauma)
The 4 Cornerstones each Relationship Needs to Thrive
How can you transform betrayal trauma into a catalyst for personal and professional success? Join me, Erin Anderson, as I share my journey of overcoming betrayal and the powerful lessons learned along the way. In this episode, I’ll reveal the exciting transition of my focus to a new podcast aimed at empowering entrepreneurial women, while introducing my friend and mentee, Stephanie Wieldon, who will continue supporting the Betrayal Trauma Coaching community. Together, we’ll explore the four essential cornerstones every relationship needs and how they can pave the way for a fulfilling life.
Building a healthy relationship with oneself is at the heart of our discussion. We delve into the importance of mutual trust, respect, space, and love, and how cultivating these qualities within ourselves can transform our interactions with others. Through real-life examples, we unpack how personal belief systems shape our relationships and financial outcomes, emphasizing the transformative power of self-understanding. Learn strategies for establishing boundaries and self-respect, particularly within the family dynamic, and discover how a clean, organized space can influence positive behavioral changes.
Finally, I invite you to join our supportive community. Connect with others on a similar journey in my Facebook group, "The Other Side of the Struggle: Healing from Betrayal Trauma," and stay updated by following me on Instagram. For married couples seeking healing and growth, explore our "Immune and Unashamed" group. Empower yourself by harnessing the strength within, and let’s embark on this transformative journey together.
If you would like to book a free coaching call click on this link to schedule a time:
https://calendly.com/stephaniewheeldonbetrayaltraumacoaching/privateclient
Get your free "Creating and Clarifying Boundaries" PDF here!
https://www.erinandersonthetraumacoach.com/ClarifyandCreateBoundaries
Don't forget! You can come join us at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/theothersideofthestruggle
Hey everyone, it's Erin Anderson with the Erin Anderson Betrayal Trauma Coaching. I am super excited that you have tuned in. Today. Let's get talking about how to heal from betrayal trauma. Welcome to the other side of the struggle trauma, how to heal it and then how to take it and use it to unlock your mission and your potential and to use it to live your very best dream life. When you're dealing with betrayal trauma, it can be hard to know how to heal it, how to stop the pain and to know what your next steps are to take in your own life, and these are the questions that we try to answer here.
Speaker 1:Trauma has the ability to rob us of our joy and identity, which is why it's so miserable to experience. But with the right tools and with the right mindset, we can totally reclaim that joy and even use this trauma to strengthen ourselves. So that way, trauma does not knock us off of our joy again. Living your dream life should be a non-negotiable, but trauma tends to try to negotiate that with you. And even though trauma is not something that we will completely ever be free of in our life, the pain is negotiable. This is why I created Erin Anderson Betrayal Trauma Coaching and this podcast is because I want my listeners, I want my clients, to live, truly live free from the prison that trauma can put you in. I want you to live on the other side of the struggle. Hey, my loves, welcome back to another episode of the other side of the struggle. I'm super glad you guys are here and I've got to be honest. I have some news for you guys, my beautiful, fabulous listeners, that might come as a bit of a shock to you, but don't worry, there's actually some really good news too at the end of this kind of shocking news. So I know I've got you all on the edge of your seats, right, but so I've been looking at the direction I want to take my business for a while and I've been looking at the direction I want to take my life and a couple other things, and then the way that I teach things and it's.
Speaker 1:I've realized that it's time for me to go ahead and hang up this particular podcast. And before you cry and you're like no, let me tell you that it's not because I'm not going to be doing any podcasting again, it's that I'm up leveling into a new one. Um, so I will still have this podcast and all of its episodes will probably have roughly around 130 episodes by the time that I wrap up with this podcast, so we just have a few more episodes in this particular one, which is basically a free course, by the way, for you guys, and I want that to stay there because I know so many of you still need this content. But I'm going to be doing another podcast and I'm still working out the details of it all and I will let you guys know exactly what those details are when I have them figured out. But it's basically going to be a lot of this kind of stuff, but really geared toward entrepreneur women who are ready to up-level their lives and their relationships, to claim greatness, to claim that six or seven figure earnings and relationships that show up to support them. Because one of the things I've noticed as I've been coaching women for the last 11, almost 12 years is that one of the greatest populations I've ever seen that deals with betrayal trauma is women in entrepreneur places, and I think a lot of the reason is is because when you're an entrepreneur, that increases your relationship capacity quite a bit and unfortunately, not all relationships are super great, to be honest with you, and we have to heal certain things inside of us in order to claim and call in those types of relationships and to also claim our authenticity in those types of relationships and to also claim our authenticity. So with that, I just wanted to make that announcement. But don't worry, I still have everybody in really good hands. I will be turning over a large part of my Betrayal Trauma Coaching business to one of my good friends and somebody I mentored personally, stephanie Wieldon, and she'll be on our podcast soon to talk and chat back and forth, because she's just an amazing, amazing person. And I will also be still present in the other side of the struggle group for those of you listening to the podcast and so it's actually going to be more support for my wonderful listeners and followers, but just a bit of a different turn, because I really also am passionate about helping women earn money and business accountability and things like that. I really love it when women have their own money and their own ways to spend it. So, that said, let's go ahead and move on to today's topic, which is the four cornerstones each relational foundation needs.
Speaker 1:Now a lot of you, like I said, are dealing with some type of betrayal in your most cherished relationships. Now, that could be betrayal with your spouse. Maybe somebody, maybe one of your children, has betrayed you. Maybe you're dealing with betrayal in business, like all kinds of different types of betrayal, and it doesn't feel good for sure. But there's also the relationship that you have with yourself and, to be honest, with you. This is also where all relationships stem from. I see a lot of people and I've probably said this on this podcast before, but I see a lot of people who kind of lean into this idea that you know they're very focused on what their relationships are like how with other people or their relationship with money. But when you look at the relational tiers, those two tiers are still your foundational tiers. They're not foundational, I'm sorry, but they're the results tiers. They are the tiers that show you what's really going on with your relationship with God and your relationship with yourself. So we really need to take a look at the first two tiers, which is your relationship with god and your relationship with self, because if we want good relationships with others and if we want good relationships with money and abundance and you know all the things that we want to call into our lives then we really need to take a look at again those first two tiers, because that's where all the action takes place, believe it or not.
Speaker 1:Because, think about it, your four cornerstones are mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual space and mutual love. Those are your four cornerstones of any great relationship. But if you don't have respect, trust, space and love for yourself, the best way you possibly can, it's very hard to have that type of relationship with anyone else. Very hard to have that type of relationship with anyone else. So let's go ahead and talk first and foremost about mutual trust. Again, we remember that you are the main thread in your life. Right, you're the main character. You are 100% in your life. Right, you're the main character. You are 100% in your life, like, like you. I know like a lot of people tend to say like they want to check out of their lives, but I don't think that's something you guys are doing. Um, but even if somebody checks out of their life, they're still with themselves 100% of the time. Your relationship with yourself is the one relationship that you can't leave, and this is part of the reason why it's so important to have a good foundation in that relationship.
Speaker 1:So when we talk about trusting oneself, that means that we take action upon the things that we say we're actually going to do. Self-trust is broken when we make promises to ourselves, or even promises to other people, and we don't follow through. Now, if you've been in a relationship where there's been a lot of betrayal, you can understand that this is one of the things that really bothers you. Right Is when somebody that we love makes promises to us or commitments and doesn't follow through with them. So trust is so key in our relationships, and when we don't feel like it's there, we don't feel safe, and safety is something that we definitely need in order to be our authentic selves. This is why trust with yourself is so important. First, because if you don't even feel safe with yourself and this is the one place, the one relationship you can't escape from well then where do you go? So One of the boundaries that I really love to teach my clients is, first and foremost, having some trust with yourself.
Speaker 1:Now, there's seven different types of boundaries, and we we can get into those at another time. I'll also be talking about the seven different types of boundaries a lot in my next podcast. Also be talking about the seven different types of boundaries a lot in my next podcast, um, or in my new podcast, I should say but uh. The idea here, first and foremost, is to have boundaries with yourself that you do not break and when you do, you quickly forgive yourself and recalibrate, put yourself right back in to the boundary right. People who trust themselves and who have high self-confidence are people who do have really great boundaries with themselves.
Speaker 1:Okay, so things like I really do feel like I trust myself. When my emotions are coming to the surface, I listen to my emotions, I talk to myself in a respectful manner. Thank you so much for bringing that to my attention, aaron. Why are you feeling that way? I get curious about why I feel the way I do, and I really listen to. Why I don't give myself the luxury of an. I don't know. I don't give myself the luxury of an. I don't know. I always find the answers that my body is telling me. If I'm feeling something, then I need to know why I feel the way I do.
Speaker 1:Second, mutual respect. Respect comes from trust. To be honest with you, think about someone that you feel like has broken your trust over and over and over and over again. There's somebody that can be difficult to respect. However, what is also true is, if you feel like you don't don't respect yourself, it's also very hard to respect other people. So this is why self-respect is so important and being respectful of oneself one, two, one, two we'll go with that. Like it's so important to have self-respect, like self-trust, to have self-respect.
Speaker 1:If you do not respect yourself, it is very, very hard to trust yourself and to create boundaries around your life, around your values. Because, let's just be honest, if you're focusing instead in all the ways that you don't measure up, you cannot focus on your values. You're focusing on the things you didn't do. Now it might feel like you're focusing on your boundaries and holding yourself accountable to breaking them, but that's not the case. That's absolutely not the case.
Speaker 1:The truth of the matter is, when we do something wrong or we act outside of our values, instead of beating ourselves up for it, if we simply say, why did I do that? Why did I feel like I had to do that? That was out of alignment with who I truly am, so why do I feel like I had to do that? And again, getting curious about our actions, because our actions will speak. Like, if we ask ourselves why we did the thing we did, it'll speak to the emotion that we had and the thought behind the emotion, and it's the thoughts that drive everything that we do right Our money story, our relationship stories, our story about ourselves. It creates our results.
Speaker 1:This is also a lot of the reason, too, why a lot of people struggle, like I said, in their relationships and in their money stories is because of the thought processes that drive the result. But we don't realize that we are the ones that are legitimately the creators of our lives and we see the way that this other person is showing up not as a reflection upon our belief system, but as a reflection on them. Now, granted, it is a reflection on them, that is true, but it is also a reflection upon your belief system. For example, I had this wonderful, beautiful client who had a business partner who was less than honest. We'll just say that, ok. And one of the things that this business partner this, this, this client, I should say mentioned to me about the business partner Was how she felt like the business partner never showed up for her, that it wasn't that she wasn't honest, but as I listened to her speak about money and how money didn't show up for her and how money wasn't honest. In some way I could see a thread that this business partner was reflecting her belief.
Speaker 1:Like, really seriously, it's true, our belief system attracts into us relationships that will reflect those beliefs, and so whenever we have relationships that do not show up with mutual respect, trust, space and love, well, we get to examine okay, what is this person really reflecting to me? And then we get to look back in our belief system and say, do I believe that? How high do I believe that? On a scale of 1 to 10, how high do I believe that? And we move forward. So, mutual respect, mutual trust or self-respect, self-trust and space.
Speaker 1:Let's go into space next. Space is something that we must give ourselves and I'll be honest, this is the one thing. Well, actually, I think, like women in general, kind of struggle with all four of these pillars when it comes to themselves. Women in general kind of struggle with all four of these pillars when it comes to themselves. But mutual space is definitely one thing that we really struggle with.
Speaker 1:When it comes to being a mother, being in our spaces, we feel like we're constantly having to share our personal spaces and in some ways, that is true. Okay, you know, I totally get this too, like I'm a mom of six kids right At this time. Their ages range from 17 to three, right, and there's a lot of ruckus often that happens in my home, and one of the things I've been noticing lately is, instead of making it focus on me, like the cleanliness of the house, I need to focus on them and how them respecting themselves is also a reflection of their spaces. That's shifted almost everything into more of a. I get to be in the space I want to be because I'm surrounded by people who respect themselves and that shows in their spaces. So, granted, they're still learning and that's something hard to teach a three-year-old right.
Speaker 1:But this idea of self-respect is something that hasn't like and it's shocking, right, because here I have been talking about self-respect for years, but it's not something that they've really caught on to To the degree that I want them to. So when we are all respecting ourselves every single person, person then it tends to shift the respect that we have in the relationships around us. And respecting our spaces is another one of our boundaries, right. Whenever we have really good boundaries with ourselves, and again that reflects in our spaces, then we also have really good boundaries with ourselves, and again that reflects inner spaces, then we also have really good boundaries with others.
Speaker 1:Another boundary that I've realized too, because you know, my home is my workspace and therefore my workspace needs to feel clean and organized and tidy tidy. And if it doesn't, or if I feel like, after I've organized something and I've cleaned something and the kids mess it up again, right, well, that feels really disrespectful and I get to ask myself why, right, what boundary do I need to set? Well, recently I've come to this realization that if my space is not feeling respectful because, you know, one of my kids has totally destroyed or messed it up or they haven't followed through with what they said they would do, well, I'm not going to go to bed without a clean home anymore. That's my personal choice. And if I'm having to bank pots and pans around at midnight or vacuum at midnight, or maybe I might blast the music at midnight so I can do what I need to do, right, if they don't like that, that's their choice, that's their accountability. Right, I'm not going to like, I'm just not going to worry about their sleep. If I'm also going to have to be awake because they didn't follow through with their things, right, that's one way for me to stay in respect in my space and respect in myself. I'm not angry at them.
Speaker 1:But the thing is is if, if we get to a point where actions are like the people around us, if their actions are consistently leading to a negative response not one like where we're yelling and screaming because that's actually breaking the respect with ourselves, but just having to do what we need to do and them not necessarily liking that Well, that's when behavior changes and we need to do the same thing for ourselves again. Right, you need to take a look and see like, are we possibly breaking any of these boundaries with ourselves? If we feel like we have to yell and scream in order to make ourselves heard and in order to get things done, well, is that really in alignment with who we truly are? Does that align with the respect, the self-respect, the self-trust? Oftentimes it doesn't. We feel guilty for yelling and screaming, and so it puts us in this really nasty position of constantly having to break our own boundaries but staying stuck in the same result.
Speaker 1:If you take a look at my boundary before that, my home is going to be clean before I go to bed. Sometimes that does mean that I have to stay up late, right, when my family doesn't follow through, but it's also meaning they're going to have to stay up late too, because I'm not going to worry about them having a quiet rest when they didn't follow through with what they said they were going to do. I'm holding them actually to their self-respect. I'm not angry. I can understand not wanting to do chores Right, I don't always want to do them but when I hold myself to that boundary, what ends up happening is it holds everyone else to the boundary as well.
Speaker 1:Last one is mutual love. Last one is mutual love. See, when we have respect, when we have trust and we have a respectful and trustful space, this is where love can flourish, because we really do appreciate the people around us and the way they show up in our lives. When we love ourselves, because we're respectful, because we trust ourselves, because we love the actions that we take, we can recognize those same characteristics in other people because we are living them ourselves. So what happens when we feel like we are like maybe we're already married, we do all this self work and maybe our spouse isn't into it? Awesome, that might mean the end of the relationship. I'll be honest.
Speaker 1:But one thing I've learned, too, is that, if we do feel like we're in that space, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to love ourselves, respect ourselves and trust ourselves enough to create the space that we need to flourish to, to be sustainable, to be on our own if we need to be and that's a good thing, even if you're in a healthy relationship, because self-sustainability gives you freedom, gives you freedom, and it'll only give the person that you're married to or the people that you're in your closest relationships, the example and the space to do the same. Everything, everything starts with the relationship that you have with yourself and seeing yourself, the way god sees you, and that also takes a trust in him, a trust in him that he did create a miracle when he created you, and not just a miracle, but something that has incredible power that maybe you're learning to use. And when you're learning to use a power, just like any superhero, there's going to be some times where that power is used accidentally, but you will master these things if you trust yourself enough. Our relationships are a mirror to something going on inside of ourselves, and so if we want more healthy, supportive, sustainable relationships that are built upon mutual respect, mutual trust, mutual space and mutual love, built upon mutual respect, mutual trust, mutual space and mutual love, then what we must do is make sure we're giving ourselves those things first. Now, if you guys want help with boundaries, please reach out. Either I or stephanie will meet with you and help you figure out, like what are your true boundaries and how you can start stepping into them and really living them today. And also, if you guys are interested, I am going to be creating a course called Boundaried Up where we're going to be talking about how to have that self-respect, self-trust, like the self-space and the self-love through those boundaries. It is going to be a course entirely online that you can move through at your own space, and the best part about this is the course is only $297 right now. That's insanely low price and I do have a couple of payment options for you if needed.
Speaker 1:If you're interested in the BoundaryDub course and you want in, interested in the Boundaryed Up course and you want in, feel free to reach out to me either through email, erinandersonthetraumacoach at gmailcom, or find me on Instagram, erinandersonthetraumacoach. Reach out to Stephanie I will put some links to her in to how to reach out to her as well or find me on Facebook, erin Anderson, betrayal Trauma Coaching, and let me know that you want in on the boundaries course and we will get you signed up immediately and you can start going through at your own pace. Okay, my loves. Everybody deserves to have boundaries. Everybody deserves to have these things, but it always starts with how we show up for ourselves first. I will see you on the other side. Bye, my loves.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I've got a question for you. Have you joined my free Facebook group or Instagram page yet? If you haven't, go and do that, and this is the reason why I always post my freebies, updated information and all kinds of goodies for my community in that page. I'm also really active. I post videos, I answer questions. So if you guys really really want to get in and interact with me, go like me on Facebook.
Speaker 1:Go join my group the Other Side of the Struggle Healing from Betrayal Trauma. Come find me on Facebook. Go join my group the Other Side of the Struggle Healing from Betrayal Trauma. Come find me on Instagram, erin Anderson, betrayal Trauma Coach, and come follow me, because I always have something good there just for you, my audience and I love connecting with you there, connecting with you there. I also post anytime that I have groups going on. I talk sometimes about my programs. So if you guys are interested in working with me or even just following me and getting as much free content as you possibly can, go hang out in my group, go connect with the ladies that are there. Also, come and join. Immune and Unashamed for those married couples that are following me. No-transcript.
